I managed to find my other half organically, but watching Gen Z trying to date has me wondering how bad arranged marriages really are. 😂

I forget where I read it, but I think it was the actors of Pride and Prejudice talking about courting. They said they wanted to bring that back because the rigid structure made the whole process so much easier and less confusing. Everyone playing by the same rules.

My mom said the same thing but after a week she send me a list with guys and their profile and contact numbers ,they were long distance family ,her friends kids ,coworker kids and just rundom ppl she thought they were fine and she wrote "Ok ,I was just bored so...."

@@fatisummer9106 That's really funny 😂

​@@ashleykennedy2824I am an Indian, and honestly, arranged marriages are _fine_ ... _Forced_ marriages are an issue, but arranged marriages? Most of my friends agree that life is much better with the option of arranged matches in the picture. IMO romanticism is a spectrum just like sexuality is one. Many people are on the 'lower' end of the scale, and romance, as seen in rom-coms, is just not that important to them. But finding a person to share life with, to maybe have kids with, to do the whole in sickness and in health thing with - that's still important to them. "Head over heels" love is not something they experience, or at least not something they value highly - just like ace folks don't experience or value lust. Arranged marriages are perfect for them. No point starting at 'do we have a great romantic chemistry' if that's not important to you - start at 'will we make a good partnership and do our life goals match' and go from there. Treat a marriage like a business partnership - because ultimately, that's what it is, if you're closer to the aromantic end of the scale.

There was this guy in our LARP/D&D group I'd known as a kind of extended friend for awhile, and yeah, he was pretty cool, and was always talking about neat things, but that was it...and then he took over DMing for our group's second campaign, and we messaged back & forth a lot over...character stuff, and...yeah, he finally asked me out as the campaign wound down, and we got married 14 months later 😂❤

My university anime society was the starting point of so many long term relationships and at least 3 marriages including me and my husband. 😂

This checks out. Really, getting to spend time with people in a relaxed setting does wonders for getting to know them and seeing if you are compatible.

Reminds me of what I did haha a friend messaged me and I let him know my look taste cause his sister who I tried to get with gave my fb to him. So I basically gave him the keys. We met in person and I told him to ask me out as we both were teasing each other to bring the other to break and kiss or something. He asked me out I said yes we been together since 2017 and we are expecting a girl on the 11 of May.

totally something I would say, hopefully would come off just as adorable... I hope. Anyways, I've been married to my best friend for almost two years because I thought, why not give it my very best shot. Turns out I was right. I'm as gay as I thought I was, we're still staying married though, we're both very happy

The term arranged marriage and forced marriage is pretty much interchangeable in English. And while I’m glad that your country is more relaxed about it, and your parents had a good marriage, certainly there are places where arranged marriage = forced marriage still exists or it did in the past. And even more relaxed attitudes to arranged marriages involve living up to culturally enforced gender roles and expectations. Also, if you’ve only ever met someone for a few dates or two, how are you meant to really know what it’s like to be married? Agreeing to marry the only option you’ve ever really had is not really the same making sure of your decision. Divorce may not be an option or is not an option for the woman, only the man. And often if you do fall in love with someone who is not approved of, there is trouble from the family.

@@songindarkness yeah forced marriage is probably done in every country in the world, if someone doesn’t have the option to say no then it’s forced. But in the case I’m talking about it’s at least a year getting to know each other (my parents exchanged actual physical letters for a year because they didn’t know they both had a phone), and yeah if the wedding date approaches then it’s very had to change your mind, and yeah some people don’t get the luxury of divorce (if there’s children in the mix most women feel too trapped to get a divorce). But that is a universal issue not really tied to how a couple met.

​@@omaimaf9963forced marriage is not done in every country at all. In fact, in most western countries it is probably impossible. What then ends up happening is people going back to their ancestral country (or tricked/forced to go back in a lot of women's cases).

Those terms are not interchangeable in English. @@songindarkness

​@@gubruikertjeforced marriages are still done in western countries esp the usa

There's more than one approach to arranged marriage. All my friends' arranged marriages were more like the parents pick out some candidates based on specific criteria they're looking for in an in-law and compatibility test results and their kid gives feedback, declines meetings entirely or goes on the dates but they always have the option to decline at any stage. Both parties have to agree to the arrangement to move on to finding the auspicious marriage date and event planning. It's like app dating except thousands of years older.

There's a pretty wide spectrum between arranged marriages and not-at-all-arranged marriages

It was pretty much 'arranged upon request' , 'with back-out options' and 'no obvious time-pressure' but arranged it was.

they were set up, but that's definitely not an "arranged marriage".

There's also "the 7 year itch" and so on, long term relationships require work, you can't ever stop "Dating" your partner and you have to be willing to grow together... not just grow at the same time, but actively pursue interests and activities that will bring you closer together and keep the interest and spark alive, and take care of one another in so many different ways. The number one thing to look for is partners you can actually do things with, people who are friends before lovers, because once you've been in a relationship awhile, unless you're nursing an unhealthy p**n addiction, sex definitely takes a backseat to just enjoying each other's company and going on adventures. 0-2 years- physical attraction, 2-7 years: emotional compatibility, 8-??? struggling not to get bored with each other. Cus being bored will make all the other problems show up, like all the little things that are kind of annoying about them that you no longer fight about because you worked through it are now just... boring, and you don't even want to deal with them, so you emotionally check out.

American from California here and I'm not sure either and would love to learn as well

​@@secretbutterflyformer Californian here, also, and I'm not quite sure either, but it kind of sounds like how the church I grew up in was founded. It started out as a bunch of retirees getting together in one of their living rooms for Bible study and communion and such, and they wound up with enough people and pooled tithes and offerings to buy an empty lot, build a church, and request/hire a pastor. My parents were the youngest peiple there when they joined, back in '83. I was 3 months old, and wound up partially raised by a couple dozen church grandparents.

@@j.g.3453 Aw, that sounds lovely! Thanks for giving your perspective. I wondered if that might be what she's getting at as well.

@@j.g.3453 sounds lovely. As long as it wasn't James Jones 😳😅😉

Why not

@@Faye-el1bz Just never really thought it was a thing if you weren't rich. I've only learned recently

You'll meet someone that's for sure Try it out You'll never know till you have a go