Have you experienced this or something similar? What does it look like?

my recent one is "what if i am actually trans and using TOCD as a way not to admit it." It is literally tearing me apart.

I developed it myself a few months ago and it's one of the most stressful themes I've been through thus far (I've had Scrupulosity, POCD, Medical OCD, etc.). It attacks my core in this all-encompassing way that causes me so much constant anxiety. With TOCD, it's literally the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing through my mind at night... sometimes in my dreams as well. The constant body checks to make sure I still like my parts and features. The way that pretty much every little thing meaningless thing triggers me now. Endless cycling through memories both recent and far-off to try and find some inkling of a real answer. Wondering if I even have TOCD at all, and if my mind is just under a dozen layers of denial (That one really makes me break out into a cold sweat). The thought that I do have TOCD, but it's traumatized me so much that I could develop actual gender dysphoria. Things like playing females in video games or relating to something a woman says on TV, or even just seeing a woman and passively thinking that she's pretty, all things that never bothered me AT ALL before, now set me on the verge of a panic attack. It's completely destabilized my mind and the only way I can accurately describe it is agonizing. Back when I first realized I was gay, it just felt so immediately natural, like a light turned on in my head- "Oh, yeah, ok! That's what I am! Huh. Cool." and I moved on, and quickly became confident and secure in my identity. But this experience has been nothing like that. It's pure, existential dread. It's like a lightbulb has turned OFF in my head and now I'm searching around in the dark for something that's impossible to find. TOCD makes me feel like I'm dying, losing myself completely, or that something alien is slowly taking over my mind. All I want to do is go back to the day before this theme happened, and just savor that feeling of being completely confident in my identity, of just KNOWING what and who I am. TOCD makes me feel like I took that for granted. I'm terrified of losing myself to this. I love my body, I love being gay, I never even gave a second thought to my male-ness before this started, it was just an intristic part of me that didn't need questioning. Funnily enough, before this started I was also having OCD thoughts about being straight and in denial, which was distressing on it's own, but TOCD has eclipsed that fear for now. Thank you so much for bringing a light to this topic, I just want people to understand what this is and how it effects us. It's so scary to talk to anyone about any kind of identity-related OCD, as in 'what if I'm straight/gay/bi/ace/trans', because you're terrified the person will think you're just in denial. It's frustrating to feel like you have no-one to talk to, no-one that understands what's actually happening. But there are people who can and will understand. I did actually explain all of this to my best friend, and he has been so supportive and understanding. He even keeps me in check me when I ask him for re-assurances, haha. He knows how I tend to sneak them into conversations now because he's been with me through quite a few themes at this point. The first few weeks of this theme I was an absolute wreck, having constant breakdowns, I lost a lot of weight because I couldn't even eat, but having someone who understood what was happening to me and could just hold my hand through the worst of it really helped a lot. Another thing that really helped (though you have to be careful not to let it turn into a compulsion I think) was just researching OCD and hearing stories of others fighting it, it takes away a lot of the sense of isolation that this disorder can burden you with. I just want anyone dealing with this theme, or any identity-related theme, or just OCD in general, to know that they are NOT alone, and that there are OCD-focused professionals you can talk to who really do understand this disorder and how to manage it in order to lead a happy and stable life.

I used to be so confident as a man. I could do anything without any regard to gender. Now TOCD has ruined me and broke down my spirit. Its attacking everything I knew, everything I was. Who knew so much psychological damage can be done in 2 months. It's so draining doing ERP for this.

As much as I hate this, it’s nice to know I’m not alone, and that others are going through this

My man you just said EVERYTHING I AM SUFFERING FROM RIGHT NOW! I started developing this during this covid pandemic.

Dude, your channel has brought up so many of my intrusive thoughts, I thought the specific ones I had were quite unusual.

Guys I recovered!! It gets better!! I trust you all!! ❤️❤️❤️ You can find my comment from a year (and a half) ago!

So, today is 4th anniversary of the day when I fell down in depression over questioning gender. And for the last 4 years I don't think there was any moment in my day that I didn't think about what it means to be trans, whether or not I am trans and if I should transition. It all started about 2 months after I came out as gay, and one night a question popped into my mind "did I mistake being gay, and have I been woman all along?" It was devastating and it broke me. I fell into rabbit hole of questioning who I am, who I should be, whether I am trans or a gay guy who resents his feminine features. I did pretend to be straight male and I have built a identity around that role, but when gender question came up it was (and still is) the primary thing I think of during the day. It follows me everywhere I go, every moment of my day. Every question you mentioned in the video is literal description of my day to day life. And it only stops when I "surrender" and admit I am in fact transgender, but the moment i do that, I don't feel transgender and I say ok, so I am not trans, and obsessive thoughts rise again. Just like you said, while writing these words, I feel a relief that I am just a gay guy who has TOCD, but at the same time there is fear that this is just my attempt to deceive my self and that it's road to denial. I honestly feel so lost, but I am so glad that after 4 years I have come across this video that gave me an idea and at least possibility that what's happening to me is a OCD, rather than actual gender dysphoria. So thank you very much for this video!

I experienced this for awhile in conjunction with pocd and hocd. Thank you for talking about these obscure ocd subtypes because it helps people who feel like they’re the only ones going through it

thank you for this video. i’ve always loved being as girly as i possibly could. now i’m constantly afraid this may not be OCD, because well, i’ve never been diagnosed in the first place. but all this makes me feel really distressed and scared that i’ve been living a lie. this fear makes me believe that i am distressed because i’m not living in the right body, and i don’t want to be like other girls, when in reality i really do. this is also really affecting the things i do and the way i see other people, especially the guy i like. i don’t think i have it the worst, because this fear is so far out and irrational to me that i can’t even bring myself to think about it. i just always have that lingering “What If” in the back of my head, from the moment i wake up to the moment i fall asleep. i pray for the rest of you struggling with this.

I just found out about this concept and I'm shocked to read the comments and see this many people who are going through what I've been feeling for the past weeks. I've been trying to unpack this constant anxiety in therapy, but could never really get it into words. Thank you so much for the video. 🙏

One thing that really helped me distinguish true questioning and an ocd intrusive thought for myself was asking myself “ did this start from a thought or a true feeling? “ and every time, it’s been caused from a thought. I’m glad I found that and and realized how to work out some problems. Remember to everyone who is going through the same thing, just ask yourself this. It really works!

Thank you for explaining this! I never thought about being trans until the pandemic and puberty hit. I've never been diagnosed with OCD but this video makes me think I have it!

im dealing with this at the moment and its the worst thing ive ever dealt with. I WILL however give you all a piece of advice that REALLY helps me. whenever i feel calm, which is normally in the shower, i always ask myself, would i want to be a woman? would i want to become trans, would i want to be a female, etc. and the answer is always 100 percent no. this is a compulsion, but it is actually helpful to me. Make sure when you do this that you are feeling calm and collected. so whenever i get anxious again or i get nervous, i tell myself "remember what you said when you were calm and thinking straight". you were confident in your answer and it brought you momentary peace. thats the key. when we get stressed and full of anxiety, we dont think straight because we have too much going on for our brains to process. Thats why these thoughts feel so real. this is super hard to get through but realize that if you wanted to be trans, it wouldnt be because of these thoughts. it would be because its what YOU want. and knowing that would make you happy. it would make you joyous and you would love the feeling. you wouldnt feel a bit upset (im definately not trans, no disrespect). it would feel liberating. i wish i could go back to a month and a half ago before dealing with ocd, and just be me again. i hate this. ive never even questioned who i am before, and if you wouldve asked me what i feel like before, i wouldve been able to give a confident answer and then blow it off as nothing. easy. simple. not with TOCD. it clouds my judgement and makes me unable to give an answer, when i know im a normal straight male and i love being just that. i first developed ROCD about a month ago, then POCD, then Harm OCD, then HOCD, now this. i just really hope that this isnt who i am. i love being me. i wish you all the best @OCD and Anxiety

I am a cis girl but I've always been tomboyish and this has been messing with me a lot recently, I have many things I have intrusive thoughts about and I go through phases of being stressed about one thing and then the next thing and so on

i cried while watching this video. i was so overwhelmed because i've been feeling like this for the past days and i've hearing these words was so reassuring. i've never experienced any type of intrusive thoughts but a few days ago idk what triggered this but i've been having them for days literally all day. i'm scared because my mind keeps telling me i'm something that deep down i know i'm not and that makes me so incredibly uncomfortable. i personally identify as non binary and use she/they pronouns and my mind referring to itself using he/him pronouns makes me nauseous and gives me chills. i just hope one day i'm going to feel better but i have to say this video helped me so much already so thank you so much.

Interesting video. For a few months now, I've been thinking I might be trans. The conclusion I came up with was also, "Maybe, maybe not". I allowed myself early on to be right or wrong, and to allow myself to change my mind. I see it as a gentle exploration, which gets rid of any anxiety surrounding exploration. This also works for people who do turn out to be transgender after exploration. Everyone wins if they remove the obsessive and compulsive components.

I’ve never questioned my gender identity until a week ago when I dressed up as a boy for a TikTok trend, and now it’s plaguing my mind that I might a boy. I have always felt confident in my gender identity, I’ve never had dysmorphia, and wow I really needed this video.

It's crazy because I've been struggling with this for two days, I was literally thinking about it non stop I was literally shaking with fear, I started feeling horrible, I was questioning my whole life, not feeling like myself. Then I watched this video and read these comments and felt immediately better about what's happening to me. So my anxiety went down and yesterday I was able to get my mind of this, certain that it wasn't gender dysphoria. But when I woke up, I was not feeling as much anxiety about that topic (after discovering it's OCD's) but now I'm getting anxious of not feeling anxious????? I know I'm not anxious because I know that it is OCD but my mind keeps telling me "maybe you're not feeling anxious because maybe you really feel like a man and you accepted the idea"??? And I don't know what to do. Feeling relieved that's it is OCD, lowered my anxiety, but the fact that my anxiety isn't as high as yesterday makes me believe I really have gender dysphoria! It's terrible I really feel so weird about myself 😭 I know I'm not as nervous because I know it isn't gender dysphoria but what if I'm not as nervous because I accepted the idea of being trans???? I hate my mind. I know I'm a woman but my mind keeps telling me maybe not and now I don't feel as nervous when it happens. And I'm trying to figure out if is it because I watched this video and I'm relieved or if it's because the idea of being trans isn't scaring me like yesterday. It's like I actually WANT to feel scared. Is it normal of not feeling scared about it anymore? I'm literally scared of not feeling scared. I hate my mind.

This has switched from TOCD to "what if I am non binary" ....months ago I was a happy confident girl. Now I feel a robot and I have night terrors

Man this guy oozes pure calmness and love, he should let his hair grow and call himself jesus christ lmao

I’m so scared, I used to think I was so happy being a girl and I wanted to look like other girls and I was glad that I was 100% sure about 1 thing in my life(because I’m questioning like everything else because of OCD)But now I’m so unsure. I’m pretty sure I have body dysmorphia which is making this so much more confusing. I never thought that being a boy would make me feel better until I started developing TOCD, now I’m scared that if I was a boy that maybe the dysmorphia would be gone(especially because my boobs are one of the things I hate the most). I just feel so sick right now, I think this might be real and not just OCD

Hello everyone, my name is Jake and I'm 23. First of all, I want to say this video is extremely helpful, OCD or not, to get some more insight into this disorder and theme. When I was a child, I used to have "pulsions" of seeing myself hurting my family or, my family being quite religious, fearing of going to hell because of my thoughts. You can tell me if it sounds like OCD or not while replying to my comment, I have never been diagnosed so I wouldn't really know. For the last 6 months or so I have been going through something similar to Trans OCD. Lately, it's been going on okay (less terrible at least) since I am getting some supportive and positive thoughts into my head other than these intrusive ones. But it all started once I had thoughts after watching a video about trans people and GRS of "you're a woman". This really got me into this anxious habit and at some times it would get worse as at night I would see myself as a female brain in a male body and be just terrified and telling myself okay now I have to have GD right ? It was and still is quite stressful but like I said I am challenging myself to enjoy the present despite those thoughts by telling myself positive affirmations regardless of gender or mind/body connection. it helps a little. I just wanted to share my story and hope people with identify with it, not mainly for me but for you to know you're not alone whatever it is you're going through. You are WORTH everything and happiness. But most importantly you are a BEAUTIFUL and WONDERFUL SOUL who will get through this. We all are and will. And whatever it is, you deserve SELF-LOVE and LOVE in general in case you might doubt it. Stay healthy and safe you guys and remember there are lots of people with you. I personally told my Dad about it and it has sorta helped, probably has no idea what I'm dealing with but at least I can confide in him. I'm here if you want to talk as well, feel free to send me a reply to this comment if you need to talk. We are stronger than our fears guys and we deserve to do things out of self-love. Take good care of yourself, Lots of love, Jake.

I've been questioning my gender for MONTHS now and I hate it.. I always liked being a girl and I still like it but my brain always tells me "but you're a boy" "but can a boy lIkE me do this?" "I hate my boobs" but 2 secs later I'm like "yeah I love my boobs, I love my body" I thought I was non binary for 6 months but I'm questioning again and again and I hate it its killing me I don't want to be a boy I don't want this I'm highly jealous of girls who never questioned their gender

Im transgender and have OCD, i have the opposite. Im always like maybe I was wrong? But then I remember how sad I was as a girl and how happy I am now. If you have trans OCD just remember that its ok. You aren’t transgender, I can assure you that when someone is transgender they react differently than what your going through.

i've been feeling like this for the pas month, first they were thoughts wondering “are you a man?” but now the thoughts are saying “what if you're non-binary” it was horrible thinking about this all day and just analyzing everything i do to make sure that i'm not having that experience. this makes me judge my memories, dreams and my behavior all day and it’s exhausting, i always been confident with who i am and never felt uncomfortable with feminine stuff or pronouns or being labeled as a woman/girl bc that's how i feel but at the same time my brain just makes me think i'm just hiding it and now if i see something related to trans people i get anxious and think what if that's how I feel, it is horrible to feel like this but i have hope

this is something i believe im struggling from, yesterday i was sitting looking in the mirror and i thought, "my body doesnt look very masculine." (I'm a very tall and scrawny 14 year old boy) and thats what triggered this, i was sent into a state of irrational fear. I don't want to be trans, i've always been happy being a boy. I mean, I've always had thoughts where i'd go "Hm, i think it would be cool to be a girl, just for one day." But thats never bothered me. Now I'm terrified by thoughts like that. I've always been attracted to women, but i've never wanted to be one. Since this started, i haven't been attracted to women. i can barely stand to look at them. This is the same with men who have very big muscles and are very masculine looking. I don't want to be transgender, i don't want to transition. I'm confused.

hello i know i'm late but im here to share my story. I'm a 16 year old cisgender woman and i've been having intrusive thoughts on the daily. OCD is literally the worst. Its been three days since this category affected me. From a young age I ALWAYS remember myself feeling, acting and wanting everyone to view me as a female despite the fact that I was tomboy. Tomboy DOES NOT mean you are trans. Tomboys are usually young girls rejecting feminity because of the social media. First of all, I realised that this thought "What if im actually a boy and i have been living a lie?" is an Intrusive thought. What does that mean? That its automatic and NOT up to you which means that this thought DOES NOT mean anything at all, its not real. Whatever Intrusive thoughts you've been having will not manifest, but why? Because we don't put the will in them, they are not us and they are NOT based in reality. Now ive been suffering from OCD for the last three years but i remember i always found ways to ease these thoughts. Now with isolation its almost impossible but YOU WILL get through it. TOCD is something terrible and I wish NO ONE to have it. If you take time to think, you will realise that these thoughts are not your hidden desires, these thoughts DONT mean ANYTHING AT ALL. They are just there causing us great emotional distress. I have here some tips to ease these thoughts :D 1) Label these thoughts, as intrusive thoughts. They are automatic and not up to you. 2) Practice Mindfulness. For me personally meditation and exercise was helped me a lot to overcome my fears and triggers. 3) Know that this is the natural state of the mind. Our minds are full of thoughts, mental noise and once you accept that the easier it will be to let go. 4) Face them! No matter how big they are, no matter how real they feel. FACE YOUR FEARS. I believe in you, we can go through it. I wish you the happiest life

This video literally describes exactly what i am going through and was going through the past month. I do not think you will ever know how much this video means to me

Hey Nathan, thanks alot for the support you provide to people!! I have a small question, which is: Is putting so much value to what people think we really are to feel reassured that we are what we want them to think/know is a type of OCD, or is it just lack of confidence? Thanks again for what you do 🙏🏻

These have been the longest months of my life. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety disorder for a really long time but never realized I had ocd till last summer. I had my first “ocd attack” after seeing a video of this person saying they wanted to be a man sometimes. Now, I have been comfortable labeling as a woman my whole life. I was born female and I love everything about it. I love makeup and I love doing my hair. I’ve always been extremely supportive of the trans community but have never doubted my identity once until I saw that video. I had so many thoughts and my brain would never shut up. It got to the point where I woke up in the morning and felt like I didn’t know who I was. I felt like I had lost myself because I couldn’t understand what was going on. I did the wrong thing and went to google as my last resort. I ended up confusing my uncomfort with denial and became a mess. I’ve begun therapy since then and have been helped a lot. But I needed help with exposure and response and this has helped so much. THANK YOU!!!

Hey every one if you fear of being trans then you are not trans , you feel comfortabel with who you are you dont need to afride of changing your self and people who going through after hocd your just dealing with ocd in diffrent forms dont just afride

Nathan, can you do a video on sleep anxiety (i.e. intense anxiety about not being able to fall asleep when having a sleepless night)? I’ve been suffering from quite a few of these sleepless nights lately (thankfully I was able to get some sleep in the morning when the sun came up) but my anxiety has been AWFUL recently because I’ve been worrying about not being able to sleep practically every night for almost a week now. The anxiety about not being able to sleep leads me to not be able to sleep and as a result, I’ve been sleep deprived. Are there some techniques you can provide people who are suffering from anxiety and sleepless nights so I and others going through the same thing can finally break free from this horrible cycle? I would much appreciate it!!

I have to give you a big thank, because this video calms my mind, and makes me feel more relieved actually

Thank you for making this and addressing the adaptive nature of the OCD anxiety. Because ever since I found out TOCD is a thing, and everything I read about it described verbatim what's going on inside my head, my thoughts are now all: "Oh, you're just saying that you are, your OCD isn't even real, you're just in denial," even though I've had obsessive intrusive thoughts like this throughout my life, just never on the basis of gender identity until recently.

Thank you for this video, OCD has been killing me this 3 weeks. I 13 Femele never been a particular feminine girl, always been more on the tomboy spectrum, OCD started 3 weeks ago and It was my every waking tought I wanted to stop those toughts in anyway I cuold, even by killing myself. It didn't help that I questioned my gender Identity before and that I knew a lot of stories of Lesbian tomboys who turned out to be TransMasc. As a kid I was even pround of being femele I couldt wait to get my first period, and reading stories about women who made it big and wanting to be like them. OCD for me was this voice that I couldn't stop and that was always like " You want to marry a women and be like the bread winner so that means you want to be a men" " You are just in denaial" " You know that live as a male is better so you want be like them" "You don't waer dresses so you are a male" "Did u remeber that time you pretended to be male as a joke..." and things like that. I found out just a few days ago and I felt like I cuold breath again: OCD is still here but it felt nice to know that this is just a disaise and I'm not Trans, I'm now trying fighting it but there are its ups and dows, but I'm looking positive to be OCD free one day!

I’ve been suffering from this for 6 months and it’s been literal hell. it literally erupted out of the blue out of nowhere and i couldn’t get it off my mind ever since. i’ve always been okay being a boy and like men’s fashion and such. hell i’m even gay and i want to be in a boy/boy relationship! but these thoughts won’t stop and i can’t think straight or even know what’s right or wrong anymore. there are times where it gets better and there are times where it gets worse. there are just random compulsions to think things abt just giving into the thoughts and it scares me knowing it’s been going on for so long that sometimes i think “what if these thoughts aren’t ocd, but it’s the truth...” and i just fall down a dark hole. can someone please tell me if what i’m feeling is normal?!

I just want to thank you for this video. I was uneducated on OCD and I thought I was crazy for a long time. Now I finally sought help and I'm on my way to a diagnosis

It's impossible to prove or disprove anything to the OCD. The whole human experience is 'messy', and OCD demands certainty where nothing is fully certain. We all go outside in this crazy world, trying to make the best of it. Accept that you don't know, that you can never know - and try to accept and live in the moment.

I'm so glad that I'm not the only person who is going through this thing, i thought I was the only one, i always identify as a girl and all those girly things and I always be happy about that, but one day I was watching some tik toks and I started to thought many things that I never thought, i was so uncomfortable with all those thoughts, i didn't feel free or something like that, something that I wanna say is that I have always been happy that people are as they really are and feeling free, and when those thoughts came to me it was a very strong feeling of anxiety, I felt uncomfortable, something strange since I had never had them before, there was a time that they disappeared, I think that when they disappear is when I feel pretty wearing the clothes that make me feel good, when I am with my friends or my family all that's thoughts are gone, but when I'm alone sometimes they are back and that makes me feel bad, if you're going through to this, you're not alone, ily.

Whenever i ask myself if am trans i panic so much ✌🏼😃 I'm literally crying rn But I don't think I have TOCD or any type or OCD I think I'll better ask my parents to go to therapy just to make sure tho Thanks :) Edit: Holy shit wait you are literally describing me, like I really ask myself those questions about 5 times a week

it makes me feel so unvalid as a women i’ve always loved being a women and now my ocd is being a bitch

i hate this so much. i used to be comfortable with being a girl and now dealing with this makes it so hard. ive dealt with this for months and i just wish i didn’t deal with it in general. anything and everything triggers me like yesterday i was typing on my computer and i accidentally typed ft then i automatically thought ftm (female to male) and my mind was like “you’re a boy” and omg i haven’t stopped thinking about it since. now when i see some guys im like “maybe i want to be them” when i don’t!!! i want to be a girl. i like being a girl. it scares me that i could be in denial but im not. idk if any of this makes sense but i just needed to rant. i genuinely wish this wasn’t a thing. nobody deserves to go through this :/ it angers and frustrates me and i just wish this was out of my mind and anyone else who deals with this. im only 17. i dont want to deal with this

I think I struggle with this because it's the ultimate fear for me, not knowing who I am or what I want until it's too late, and I end up old having to work even harder to pursue something I knew I wanted decades ago. I started mentally torturing myself on purpose as a way to get through parental abuse, I thought if I could put myself through hell then I'd have enough strength to get through them, now I've subjugated them and I'm the strongest and most free I've ever been, and I don't know what to do with this freedom. I can do whatever I want now yet I choose to act like I'm still hiding from them in my room, I'm getting way too old to be acting like this and I've got to start giving myself discipline by actually pursuing the things I know I want to do yet am in denial about.

I used to struggle with TOCD. I'm a crossdresser/cosplayer and I'm not exactly a "man's man", so this theme slipped in quite deeply when I began to question. I just watched this because I'm glad that this theme is being addressed more. It does sound simple, but it was a bit hard at first. After reading about OCD, I told myself to live normally despite the thoughts and just observe them as they pass by. Do the things you want to do despite the thoughts. And if something is *especially* something that reminds me of the theme, then really do that, just as the video mentioned. I also ended up accepting and agreeing with my thoughts which was basically the finishing blow to this thing. Thankfully for me my form ERP was basically my hobby and each time I looked in the mirror I would feel even better about myself.

Hi, This is Luca from Italy. I've been struggling with TOCD (or actual gender dysphoria, who knows? this is ocd right?!) since 6 years ago. I always struggled with my sexual orientation, or at least I was always been afraid of being homosexual. Then after one year of relationship with my girlfriend (we never had any issues in or out of bed) I said her that I had this thought about being gay. She immediately left me (I couldn't blame her, as she said that the sole idea of me being with a man repulsed her). Right after we broke up, I started to the develop the idea that instead of being gay I might be transgender woman in TOTAL denial (as you see me you would never think I might be trans). 6 years after still couldn't tell myself who I'm, hoping one day I will find out.

thank u for raising awareness

i relate to alot of this, even though ive never had an ocd diagnoses and i dont experience ocd symptoms in other areas of life. I've questioned my gender for 4 years. However unlike many people in here, I dont feel like i was "always completely comfortable as a girl". And unlike other people here, I'm not scared of being transgender, I actually kind of *want* to be transgender. however the constant obsession with trying to find a label has definitely disrupted my life. I need to accept uncertainty, maybe I am trans, maybe I'm not. I have managed to accept uncertainty for some periods over these 4 years, the level of symptoms isnt stable at all, and the times when I've accepted uncertainty have been much more productive. but ive watched sooooooo many hours of transgender content on youtube, and i need to accept that at this point watching more isnt going to help my confusion. maybe i am trans, maybe I'm not.

Thank you so much you described exactly how I'm feeling

thank you thank you thank you i approx oh so much, i’ve been struggling with this for a year.

I am a boy and I've never felt uncomfortable about my gender, I never had problems about being called with my male name. Because I'm italian I've never had problem about using male adjectives, I have never had problems about peeing standing up and I hate making up. By the way I was scrolling my instagram broad and I found out a video called "Are you trans? (Here the answer)", and then a question started blowing up my mind, and I started questioning if I could be. Before that I think I had a form of homosexual odc, and just after a few months I realized that I like girls. Now I am really afraid about the odd that I could find myself as a transgender in the future, and there are moments when I think about something else where I say " I am a boy". When I'm talking to my mother o to my friends i always say things like "Sono stanco" (male way to say I am tired), Sono seduto (male way to say I am sitting down) and so on. I read about dysphoria and that's something I have never felt. Even if I already have the answer to this question, my brain is always looking for a stronger one. I do think this is going to disappear like the last one. Thank you for reading and for giving me some advices. I'll do what you said, and see what happens

I love you. Yesterday I wrote many comments about my story and how I started this OCD last week its been the worst time of my life. After watching this video and while watching I wrote many comments. I finally was able to cry be angry and ask why me? Why do I have OCD? WHY ME? but all that helped me I finally slept like a baby and this morning I was happy. Now its 4 pm the fear anxiety and thought are bakc but not as strong as the previous days. The video helped me. They are not that strong because now I realized I have OCD and here I am watching it again. It helps me. I love you dude. I want yo hug you.

for me it’s non-binary OCD, i’ve has transgender OCD before and overcome that but i’ve never heard of non binary OCD but i may be suffering from it. i’m a 17 year old boy and deal with internalised homophobia so that could play a part but i’m having doubts whether i like my facial hair or my deep voice or not. i’ve always liked body hair and always had it since a kid but since i was like 15 i was always scared of like growing up in the fear that i will realise i don’t identify as a guy anymore. that’s around when my TOCD started. my thoughts are that identified as a guy in my childhood but as i started going thru puberty and whatnot then in scared i’ll no longer feel like a male and i’ve had this fear of growing up. and what’s also distressing as guy i don’t like the look of big/medium muscles on guys or bodybuilders but my friends are obsessed with it. I’ve had a little body dysmorphia as a result and im just scared i’ll end up on one of those like 100 genders or non binary or something. my counsellor said that it could be because im going thru adjustments, my voice broke in one day and i like it but then again i have doubts. i’m having doubts that i don’t like how tall i am even tho i don’t want to be short, and for some reason i’ve never wanted to be 6 foot or more even tho basically every guy would want to be so that makes me have doubts again. scared someone is going to tell me your not male

people who think OCD is just about germs and organizing are crazy i can’t even begin to number the times i went through questioning the most weird known and easily proven things about me i once convinced myself that i converted just for the thought of another religion and i was 12 at the time and my brain tortured me for a whole month and i felt like i was gonna die, i was once obsessed with secret communities and religions and convinced myself that they are true and they’re ought to get me and i might be one of them but not know it somehow and i would cry about it. i still remember the day i found out about death when i was 5 and couldn’t sleep because i was thinking about enshrine everyone and was just scared i’ve gone through these loops wholes time and time again and know what it can be like to be confused but this video really helped me. OCD can be a real curse

Do intrusive thoughts ever go away? Because I have them every other moment of the day and without the means of being able to get professional help, I fear that I wont be able to last much longer nor do I want to anyhow. I've been doing research on how to help myself too btw but I really cant do it alone. I'm simply exhausted and disgusted with myself as a human being. Idk anymore.

Is it possible to have obsessive it intrusive thoughts without them being a sign of OCD? Cause I don't think I have OCD, but I've had experiences in which I got obsessed over thoughts that became obsessive, including believing that I might be trans. It suddenly hit me while watching a show about a trans girl last year and ever since I actually thought and I still occasionally think I might be trans. I am gay and a bit feminine, and I used to be the "girly boy" when I was growing up. And I'm gay lol. But I never suffered dysphoria during my puberty. Right before these thoughts and feelings hit me like a truck, I was actually frustrated at my lack of "masculinity" and the lack of male friends, of how I was insecure when making friends, and of my physique. I was about to get into the gym right before quarantine. Some days I feel I'm ok with living as a boy and that U don't need to transition, or that those feelings of "dysphoria" are not strong enough to willingly start living as a woman for the rest of my life. Other days however I do believe that I might need to transition or at least "take a chance" and explore my feminine side. I usually go on forums and people tell me that both I am or I am not trans, though I never questioned if it might be OCD. My therapists proposed me this notion, but I rejected it, and to a certain extent I still do. But seeing that Trans OCD is a phenomenon and many experiences are similar (sudden "realization" out of nowhere, feelings of fear, anxiety, confusion). It was truly awful the first weeks, now I take it better. I still don't know if I am trans or not, because I do have a "feminine" side.

Hey y'all, so today I had the thought that im trans yet I've never had a desire to be a woman or wear clothes or makeup and thought of myself as pretty masculine apart from some insecurities, is this TOCD? hope yall are doing well

my experiences are kinda mild but even tho it’s mild, it’s SUPER DISTRESSING. i haven’t attended any treatment but i just cope up with it the way he said it. i just kept agreeing with the thoughts i have. i would just tell myself that “yeah i am transgender, i’m so happy that i am” or i’ll just make it as a joke like “ok i would love to be pretty and have big tiddies” and it decreases the feeling of fear. i still doubt who am i really but yeah, that’s how ocd works, it makes you doubt who you really are. i still have it but i’m handling it well now. i would just want to tell everyone who’s experiencing this that please don’t be hard on yourself, i know it’s difficult to agree with the thoughts but it really works. it takes time, it’s a long process (i am also still in the process) but everything will be alright.

I have the opposite situation - I'm a transgender guy who afraid he may be a cisgender (normal) girl. Early I've been struggling with HOCD, Existential OCD and other types of this horrible disorder. And I have a little advice for you, who are reading it right now: prevent your obsessions from ruining your life. Because all obsessions of your fear of being trans are starting from your own mistrust to yourself and your feelings. I started feel anxiety when I had come out as trans to my mother and then she laughed at me and said that I can't be a boy. And this story taught me that all people think they know our feelings better then ourselves. But it's not true. NO ONE CAN TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE EXCEPT YOU. As a trans man I often have to face with people who think I'm a poser or I'll regret my transitioning, but who really knows better: me, who have lived many years with gender dysphoria, or my obsessions, which appear as a result of mine mistrust to my personality? If I choose the second variant, I'll admit that I don't respect myself. Don't repeat my mistakes. No matter, how do your obsessions appear, but they are always result of your mistrust to yourself. Don't listen anybody and just be yourself. It's the best advice I can you give as a person whose dream is living a usual healthy life. P. S. Thanks to the author. Good luck to you in your activity. You really make this world better, I sure.

the trouble started when my ocd started framing my comfort with uncertainty as a certainty in of itself. i had been perfectly fine just not caring enough to worry, until intrusive thoughts started telling me that the fact that i wasn't afraid of uncertainty was 'certainly' a sign that i was trans, when really, that tolerable lack of absolute certainty was a part of the human experience, and becoming the opposite gender in hope that it would cure my uncertainty would just make things worse.

Hello! My thoughts started when I was with my boyfriend, I have never questioned my identity before that,I was 20 years old, my nightmare started in 2015, from nowhere dp/ de started and after one year, I was looking at my boyfriend in the eye and I had feeling that his identity went in my soul and felt like different person, guy, than I searched it and found out dysaphoria, I obsessed over it, I was questioning every detail, I had feeling that I was different person,what if I don’t like my nails, my make up, what if if I am in denial and stuff like this. I searched also that if u imagine yourself as a opposite gender you must feel relief, and I felt relief when I imagined.. ( in childhood I used to imagine that I looked like other people or I can transmute, I sometimes even couldn’t look poeple in the eye not to feel this )I read that if you feel relaxed when you are called “he”, that’s it and I had feeling thaT I was fit in every symptom.. after some time it went away, and for two years I was free from this thoughts, but couple months ago I got engaged and felt very stressed, I started questioning my love for my partner, I felt very dissociated, had many intrusive thoughts and I imagined myself for another person(guy) and found relief and started panicking again and it came back again, When I watch video, film, I continously imagine myself as another guy, even if this guy is fat, old and ugly my brain finds relief, I can’t feel myself again, questioning everything, I have hocd also and I have groinal responses on every women, it’s disaster. Plus I have constant dp/dr for 6 years Please help me..

I know that reassurance is a no but can you tell me just this once if my thoughts meant anything. I was always a tomboy and felt kind of bellow other women in femininity. That peaked at 16. Back then I saw a quote that said "I am a gay man in a womans body". I thought I related to it but I then thought about it better and realized I did not. Then I wondered what do I feel like though and I remember thinking I feel neither a man nor a woman, I feel like a neutral. This thought did not continue and I almost forgot about it's existence afterwards. But idk my envy for male physicality, my more musculine character tell me I am trans but I like feeling like a woman? I need help... I had hocd before tocd, just a clarification

I want to f*ing cry. This is what I'm going through. Thank you so much, I thought I was the only freak who wanted to ruin their own life.

I was born male, when I feel feminine in some way I feel happy. Whether that be hanging out with female friends, doing a traditionally feminine activity or even using apps to look more feminine. Does anyone with trans-ocd feel that way?

I've spent 5 years confused about my gender identity, obsesing over it, researching everything there is to research about it. I've tried different pronouns and names, but it just gives me horrible anxiety. The thing is, I don't think I have ocd, but I relate deeply to this aspect of it. However, if you could link any sources that have gone through clinical trial, I'd be thankful, just to check if I actually relate or not

I’m a 16 yo boy and I just started dealing with TOCD a week ago. It’s made me question everything about myself, and though I haven’t gotten a formal diagnosis yet, I have Tourette’s and have had intrusive thoughts that is likely pure o for years and suffered from POCD before. I have never questioned my gender identity before this, and I never thought about wearing women’s clothing. I keep repeating all of these meaningless phrases inside my head, like female and male, and pronouns, as well as asking for reassurance from my parents. I also have intrusive thoughts about my genitalia being different and repeatedly check to see if I still feel the same way about it. It’s making me want to withdraw and I’ve experienced a few back door spikes already. It all started in one moment where everyone was asked to share pronouns and it snowballed. It’s been causing me to get half as much sleep as usual and it’s messing with me. So nice to see I’m not alone

I’m suffering from an OCD which may be called peripheral vision OCD. Could you please say something about that?

Thanks for this....have wondered for years if I were trans or not....at 69 now,divorced,originally came out as gay....have obsessed ovher the last 5 years or so if I were indeed trans....has occupied every inch of my life now....even have tried hrt several times,got scared threw it away...just tired..can't accomplish anything,house and personal hygiene a wreck.....can't continue on with this....

Thank you again. I'm starting to relapse and this calmed me a lot

I’ve been thinking this since I was like 12. I’m a girl but I’ve always had theses thoughts “am I actually a boy” I’ve always had theses switches where I would be uncomfortable with my body and then not and thinking about how my life would be if I was a boy. It’s embarrassing but I’ve never told anyone. This video helped me thank you. I think I’ve been dealing with some sort of ocd because I obsessively think about everything in everywhich way

Hey, thank you for the video! I have TOCD and HOCD and I started to control my HOCD, but TOCD is really scary. The thing that triggered it, is that one of my friends told my that he feels that he’s trans. And also, I like the body swap fetish, so I’m scared that deep inside I want to be a woman. I like the body swap fetish in a sexual way like if I was a woman I would touch myself, and not because I want to be a woman because I feel bad with my body. I’m perfectly fine with being a man, but the thoughts continue to pop up.

I have hocd and tocd for 2 years. It feels like hell. Now, it’s not strong as it used to be but it’s just so anoying and stressfull. I only feel myself when I dream or when I am drunk: I feel like a normal girl

Been dealing with this for 2years now. Never questioned myself my whole life then boom one thought and my life has been derailed

Im suffering with this right now …. I had super bad anxiety the whole week it would mess with me every day and even at night in my sleep . The reason it came at me at first is because I was questioning my sexuality , I was like “am I a lesbian? But I’ve always known that I like men and women” I was scared to look like a masc lesbian and stuff Then my brain was like “what if you’re trans?” And I started having a whole panic attack that made me not sleep and have anxiety this thanksgiving break , I didn’t know what to do . I’ve always love doing girly things like makeup, womens fashion, shoes, nails, hair, etc but then suddenly my brain didn’t want to but I want to still . Every time I would look at a masculine man my brain was like “do you want to be him or a girl?” And I was like NO I WANT TO BE ME THE HAPPY OLD ME , it’s affected with me a lot that I don’t even know myself anymore and it’s the first thing I worry about . I like my body but I wish these thoughts can go away so I can go back and live my normal life that I did .

People may look at this video and laugh at it but this is no laughing matter. This is the latest theme going on with me right now with my OCD, and although you get relieved finding out that you're really not trans at all. It's like your mind makes it a reality, and it gives you a lot of anxiety because you are saying to yourself I really hope I'm not trans but it's like you get all the feelings that trans people actually get such as not feeling comfortable in the right body you're more conscious of people calling you by your rightful pronouns, and the whole night everything you imagine what a trans person goes through tocd can literally do that to you. Now of course you don't have the true feelings of a transgender person it's just your mind is telling you that you are.

What do you think about medication 💊? My therapist wants me to take medication + ERP

oh my god this is literally the worst thing ever, it's fucking heartbreaking just thinking about the same thing all day, all time, Im not able to have a normal life anymore, it's fucking sad. I've never thought about being a girl or whatever but things like me playing with barbies at age 3, or dressing dresses by age me 5, not be able to talk, havng serious social phobya, me being a tiny boy, it all helps with my tocd... it's so heartbreaking not being able to think about your future, or can't enjoy the present, I just wish I could have a different day, I just feel like i'm livong the same day for years

He seems so friendly xx

Literally just last week I snapped out of an episode of TOCD (and realized that similar episodes I've had over the years were likely OCD and not genuine questioning). Mine wasn't specifically about being trans, just about whether I should medically transition (I'm nonbinary but have NEVER wanted to take hormones or have surgery). It felt SUPER urgent to figure this out RIGHT NOW; I was researching and reading forums all day (even at work), and scaring myself by learning about the effects of hormones, bad recovery from surgery, constantly checking how I felt about my body, etc. I even reached out to gender therapists in the hope of someone helping me figure out what I "really want." Basically felt like I was going crazy. How I snapped out of it was partly exhaustion, but also while talking about it to a trans friend, mentioned that it felt like I had acquired this questioning (unlike other parts of my identity which feel solid and more innate). I also recognized that the hyped-up over-caffeinated urgent feeling I had during this episode was exactly the same feeling as when I dealt with OCD about food safety or medical anxiety. It's totally unlike how I felt when I learned I was asexual; that one was a calm "yep, that sounds like me!" I'm a mild case (I think) and just being able to label this as OCD and find similarities to the feeling of other OCD episodes helped me to distance myself. I hope this comment helps someone! This is a truly miserable disease lol

Thank you so much for this! :))

Id be curious to know if someone who has TOCD actually transitioned. Also, how would imposter syndrome fit into this?

I know logically I have OCD as it has bounced from health ocd to hocd now to tocd. But the fear I could be wrong scares the shit out of me. Truthfully I do feel lost but its probably because the OCD makes me disassociate with who I really am.

I am straight! I have a boyfriend who I am very attracted to and I have never even thought about trans until recently I get intrusive images and thoughts and my mind chatters making out that I am, although I don’t want to be and know I’m not!! This is very frustrating and I have also had gay thoughts, my mind is saying “I’m gay” when I know I’m not ! It’s so tiring trying to convince my self I’m not, I even feel weird looking in the mirror even going shopping for clothes, please someone help.. If anything I want to be more girly but I can’t help but think if I am or not

Have you talked about death anxiety? I would love to watch your opinion on that topic.

Im scared because i get these thpughts about it and it makes me worry because i dont want to change my gender and then its like my brains trying to trick me into thinking i am or im gonna be one then when my anxiety goes down i become scared when i make scenarios like what if i dont be one right now but become one in the future. Im scared please help me

I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD but this is something that could be what I am experiencing? I go back and forth from being sure of one to the other albeit doubting it. I feel like I’m in a limbo and can’t do any masculine or feminine activities. Constantly check in the mirror to see if I would make a pretty girl etc. I feel kinda anxious but like a good anxious?

I dont know what to do anymore. I was on a good way to be more my old self even had moments where i though what was this stupid thoughs but than suddenly i though in a female voice and felt like i am a women in a mens body again. WTF happened to me?

This shit makes me so suicidal, like I can’t get rid of it and when I feel I have it comes back in phases. But atm it’s just always in back of my mind. It’s scary. It only started happening when the first lockdown happened. I don’t know what to do cos therapist scare me and I don’t know what my doctor would say. I need help tbh. I feel it’s child hood trauma or even just lockdown that has set this off and it doesn’t go! Please someone tell me what I can do to get rid of it

trans girlfriend broke up with me and started asked myself "how could I get her back ? What if I was not the one I thought I was " and oh boyyy, i continuously have this "WHAT IF" thought, and i now just flee everything about trans. I literally KNOW I'm not trans, and that when someone called me with girl pronouns i felt disgusted and HATED it, but that thought is still here and smashing my head till no other thoughts come in

themes that are not like me started flaring up after i had covid and i quarantined right after i’ve had violent thoughts against my loved ones and that was the first one ive learned to overcome said thoughts and because of those my mind never rested once it would flare up with existential thoughts and ones to do with reality and that fucked me up i overcame those thoughts as well and this has been the most recent theme came out of no fucking where but was the worst one took the hardest toll on my mind it feels like you’re losing your real self in the overwhelming thoughts of what ifs and the anxiety is unreal. before covid i wouldn’t of taken a millisecond to think about stuff like these or have a completely flooded mind about these because I KNEW who i was 100% i was at peace of mind not worried about any of it. Since covid it feels my mind is incurable like i cant function like a regular human again. I’m getting a therapist very soon but as something i learned overtime when these themes start PLEASE dont do the same dumbass thing i did and barricade myself in my room with these thoughts quickest way i feel to recognize they are just bullshit themes that can pass.

Hey man, i've had the habit of doing the same tiny action repeatedly over again for no reason, for example before i turn my phone off, i would keep turning to volume to like 5 then turn it off again, I would do this around 3 times before i'm able to turn of my phone. Or 2 more examples is when i lock my door, i would lock it then unlock it and repeat for around 5 times before i'm able to leave the lock alone. Even putting something like a pencil onto my desk, i need like a prefect sound before i'm able to leave the pencil. I'm asking this because i've been doing it alot and my family are getting worried do you know what could be wrong or is it just something that i've grown out of habit? Thanks Morris

My problem is that i read sometimes in a female voice if i read text that is wrote by a female or sometimes just think in a female voice but i always go back to my male voice and had never any doubts being a women and always loved my body. But one day i thought what the secretary would think if she read my mail. So i imagined the female voice of her in my head and suddenly as i tipped in my name i was just like (in a female voice) why did i have this name i am a women. Than i got panic and looked on the ground and suddenly also in a female voice i am women in a mens body. And since this its like i am a women. If i concentrate on other things like fill out a formular i am back to my old self but than it comes back. I don't know who i am anymore and why i was suddenly a women or better my personality switched has someone the same problem?

MY TOCD is back, this time I used a feminine filter on snapchat. I liked it but my friend says that he's done it before and that's its normal. Is this actually normal? Or am I just lying to myself that I am a cisman

I have a diagnosis of tocd, it doesn’t manifest in anxiety for me though, for me I just feel in my head that I’m male but but my body looks female. Now that I live as male and have hormones the anxiety of tocd has mostly gone away and it rarely crosses my mind.

Is anyone else afraid that we are all in denial and using OCD as a crutch for resurrance? Like everyone in this comment section is actually trans in denial and we are trying to lie to each other? Also does anyone else get a weird false euphoria feeling like a tingling behind their mouth when they do something the opposite gender would do?

Question, Can TOCD cause false gender dysmorphia? Because my trigger is when I look at women, something tells me “you’re not a woman” and it makes me believe that I am not and a feeling inside me grows that I am not. However when I have other themes occupying my brain, I think of TOCD and it is basically pathethic and I feel like a girl 110% of the time. My intrusive thoughts are “I don’t feel like a girl, being a boy matches my personality, I relate to boys rather then girls.” And it makes me think “Am I trans?” Even writing the question down makes me wanna say “ofc not!” But then something tells me “You feel like a boy” and it makes me not feel like a girl. But I don’t feel like a boy aswell, or I don’t feel non-binary, so I don’t get it anymore.

Would it be a bad idea to go to a therapist who specializes in OCD and LGBT issues as being someone with TOCD who had HOCD

Do anyone have this like…when you look at mirror you feel like opposite of your gender and don’t even look yourself at mirror and you are so confused that you think you are trans for sure even if you had always wished to not to.and jealous of people around you they don’t have such thoughts.and when you say even if I’m trans I will not transform and your mind says it’s a rule to be followed.I never even had thought of being my opp gender and now I think if I turn out how it will be being opp gender and have no anxiety and feel neutral.I mean can really just questioning can change how you were.

Guys can anyone please help? This comment section is like a comfort zone to me. So I've been experiencing rocd (relationship ocd) but I've also noticed that my partner became more distant. I tried everything to keep the relationship alive, but my worst fear came true and he broke up. I had this gut wrenching like feeling about it. I never cared about "intuitions" or stuff like that, until I developed ocd and it made me think that "if I get this feeling, it must mean it's true" Now my brain is making me think that my partner breaking up is proof that ALL of my intrusive thoughts will come true. It sounds irrational, and it IS, but it still stresses me. I'm scared of my "gut feeling" trying to tell me something, or tell me that I'm secretly a boy and hiding my true identity. I also have this TERRIFYING fear of being in denial and masking it as tocd. Because I kinda did that with my rocd. I was just constantly ruminating about wether I was just crazy or he actually is losing interest. I felt like I KNEW it would happen, but it still hit me like a truck. And I labeled it as rocd, because that's what it WAS, but I also was RIGHT ABOUT IT. So that's the major thing scaring me. I never wanted to break up. HE was the one who broke up with ME. I thought we would get through everything together. Now I'm scared that tocd will come true. I also experienced so-ocd. I'm a girl loving girls. I came to terms with it, when I was 10, and it came naturally and didn't cause anxiety. And I dated a girl before my partner found out he was genderfluid (that's why I've been using he/him pronouns). He was my first relationship. I fell in love with him, when he still identified as a girl. I think a big trigger of tocd was, that he said he may be trans and he's questioning. I support him, of course, but ever since he told me, these thoughts have spiralled and I literally NEVER thought or even cared about it before. So with so-ocd I have this fear of being straight, or that I only dated my partner to PROVE I was actually gay (umbrella term, not mlm) for "attention" or some shit. It's all linked with rocd. It's literally hell and I feel hopeless. Therapy isn't available for me, but I've been experiencing other OCD symptoms since ca. 2020 when the pandemic hit, but I think it has actually been going on for way longer. Ocd CAN (doesn't HAVE to) be linked to genetics. It would make sense, because my brother has diagnosed ocd, and I'm a self-diag, which makes my situation even worse bc I constantly doubt if I even HAVE ocd or I'm just in denial bla bla. It's this constant cycle. My compulsions include googling, taking online tests about anything, reassurance seeking, self-reassurance, checking my reactions to certain things (Like hyperawareness of people calling me feminine terms) etc. It takes away HOURS of my day and it's EXHAUSTING. I just want to get better and it feels so good to know that I'm not alone :( So can anyone help? Are there any recovered people from specifically rocd, rocd and so-ocd, that could help??