FEELING ABANDONED When Clinically Depressed & Anxious

FEELING ABANDONED When Clinically Depressed & Anxious | Forgiving Friends & Family

Рет қаралды 40,004

9 жыл бұрын

NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO? Book an appointment with me: bignoknowllc.setmore.com/ Test your testosterone / Hormone levels with LetsGetChecked and take control of your physical and mental health.
Get 20% off with this link and code: NOAH20: trylgc.com/noah
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked
For business inquiry's: thomasvisionsllc@gmail.com
Please SHARE, LIKE, COMMENT, and even FAVORITE THIS VIDEO if you found it useful or if you know somebody who it may benefit. Thank you.
FACEBOOK: bignoknowofficial
INSTAGRAM : bignoknow
TWITTER: bignoknow1
DEPRESSION SCREENING TEST: healingfromdepression.com/depression-screening-test.htm
This video is for educational and documentary purposes only and is not intended to treat or diagnose. The opinions expressed are that of the individual in the video and nobody else. Please consult a health care professional for all mental and physical healthcare needs.
I Noah Thomas, the creator of this channel, have been diagnosed hypogonadism by a medical doctor and legally prescribed the medically indicated treatment of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
My Story
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.
I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked

Пікірлер: 341

@gary5477 7 жыл бұрын

One aspect of severe depression that often does not get emphasized enough is isolation. You always feel like you are on the outside looking in on the rest of the world, and other people's lives. You see happy romantic couples in love (having to go to a wedding is the *worst*) and you feel totally left out, ugly and unwanted; or just friends or co-workers socializing and having a good time and it makes you feel like a stranger in a strange land, like I don't belong here. I liken it to an orphan in a Dickens novel out in the snow in rags peeking through a window and watching happy well dressed, warm, well fed people having a joyous Christmas party.

@jredenfield 5 жыл бұрын

Very true. Eaten with envy that they aren't suffering, smiling and enjoying life...being present and happy. Or are a number of them faking it also?

@abdirhmnsalad3072 5 жыл бұрын

Will it ever end

@baileyMFvext 4 жыл бұрын

This is sooooo true and very well said. Depression and abandonment, all these mental health issues do not discriminate. It doesn't matter how pretty or popular you are or any of those things, you feel lost and alone. That terrifying feeling of thinking you may lose someone in your life you care about because of abandonment is so awful too.

@mskay9597 4 жыл бұрын

I feel the same way, I’ve often contemplated suicide over this. It drives me mad! I feel somewhat forgotten. It’s like it’s me against the world 😭😢

@azulceleste2646 4 жыл бұрын

The problem is hardly anyone knows anymore what a connection is or what it means to understand someone. Most people just pretend they know like actors in a play. Feeling there's no way out of this crazy world and its isolation makes me feel even more depressed.

@youtubesucks5131 6 жыл бұрын

what keeps bugging me is that the moment people hear you killed yourself, they act (and maybe even genuinely feel) shocked and sad, but as long as you're still there, they act like nothing is wrong or you're exaggerating. you also can't tell them that you think about ending it because that would cause pressure and you don't want to be dramatic and/or a burden. so you just stay weirdly separated and feel lonely, lost and very angry because you can never be fully yourself. i can be it with some random friends but not with the people who should be most important to me. i don't even judge them because i know how it is to be with someone who is in a bad situation and you can't reach them at all and have to watch them get worse and you have no idea how to handle it and don't dare to bother them because you know you have no idea what they're going through. but people could just honestly ask how you are, sit and listen, sadly even that is too much to ask for usually. most ask already in a way that makes clear they want a phrase.

@jogon7914 5 жыл бұрын

You just worded *exactly* how I feel. Nobody really cares or wants to ask you how you are. I'm detached from my family anyway. I've got 3 brothers and 3 sisters all with families of their own. I'm the youngest of us 7. They're all in the 50s. I'm in my 40s. My family is pretty miserable and sort of uncaring of each other anyway . Hardly talk to each other. I had 1 sister who I thought cared but I think she thinks my life is my own doing. She's opinionated and doesn't see I'm depressed/ bipolar and always have struggled with life. I feel nobody wants to take my condition seriously or reach out to understand. I have my mum but she's elderly now. I know she loves me but I feel my life is pointless and I only stay alive/ put on a happy face if I can sos not to upset or depress her. I feel like a failure and I just want to isolate myself from the world when I feel like this and I don't know where to turn. Nobody is interested in a loser of 45 . Even doctors and counseling keep me waiting and not rushing to help. Nobody close understand why you don't have any energy or will to do *anything* They don't want to know really. I think they think you can help yourself out of it.

@paulodoko29 4 жыл бұрын

Man that's so right it hurts... They feel like you exaggerate and put pressure on you to not do it, and as long as you ain't doing it they think your just moaning...I opened up to 2 very close people, in the beginning they were supporting and taking on a regular basis and then they were like ok you ain't responding the way we want you to and you ain't committing anything so forget about it... They completely abandoned me because I wasn't anymore the fun guy. They didn't even bother anymore like hey he ain't gonna hang himself let's have fun

@xixy333 Жыл бұрын

when it come to living no one seems to care but when it comes to wanting out those with power will be there -chuck schuldiner, death

@kiayang4774 6 жыл бұрын

I don't need them to fix me.. I just need them to be with me and listen... they didn't even care.... I have to forgive them for this.

@sinkovec8996 6 жыл бұрын

No, you don't have to unless they apologize and make restitution.

@SuperSilverJay 5 жыл бұрын

Sin kovec forgiveness is about letting go of the pain. You don’t have to let those people in your life again. It just means you aren’t hating them.

@evolveinwards3568 8 жыл бұрын

This is a hugely important message. Bless your heart for putting it out there.

@bignoknow 8 жыл бұрын

:) thx so much. A

@ms.g8997 7 жыл бұрын

No body cares if your hurting, not your friends or your family. They don't even attempt to understand or care. Your all alone.

@graycat7704 6 жыл бұрын

Me too

@sinkovec8996 6 жыл бұрын

True, I'm going through it right now. People are so self centered. One good thing about my episode is that at least now I know who is who.

@ontoyoualways9183 6 жыл бұрын

Sin kovec. Now I know there is nobody!!

@sinkovec8996 6 жыл бұрын

I'm here.

@theraven3563 5 жыл бұрын

I know your just alone all day all nicht every day second minute hours your just standing all alone

@kennypham3856 7 жыл бұрын

I forgive, but I keep an arm's length to those that I can no longer trust anymore.

@sinkovec8996 6 жыл бұрын

Good policy.

@bboysoulzero 6 жыл бұрын

I still cant forgive those people, who call me bro and promise me to stay in touch and say that they will be there for me and my problems, because we are family. I had learned that im responsible for my own problems and dreams. As soon as i was succesful in life, they came like vultures and as soon as they got what they want, they leave. I wish i could forget

@sinkovec8996 6 жыл бұрын

Most people are wholly self interested only. It's rare to find great people. Keep reaching out for help and see what pops up.

@sublita 7 жыл бұрын

same experience like yours. "Best friends" abandoned me when I got very depressed. Thanks to my depression, now I know they were not real friends and I know relatives and friends who really love me. In difficult and not in easy times you can understand the value of your relationships. I am happy you feel better, your story makes me cry, it's very touching

@bboysoulzero 6 жыл бұрын

Sometimes we need to move on and find better people

@meherenow1501 9 жыл бұрын

I have forgiven, but I haven't forgotten.....I know it's best to forgive and no one can truly understand unless they have been there, but I do feel like I was let down by a lot of people and I like to think that I would have shown more compassion to someone going through a hard time if it was the other way around. I'm just grateful that I am recovering and also feel lucky to have stumbled across your channel when I was at my worst. Hope you are doing well.

@rockinout4990 7 жыл бұрын

Me Here Now- Very true words. I hope you are doing well hun. ♡♡♡ I feel the same way.

@Mikomamisworld 7 жыл бұрын

Me Here Now I totally agree!! it seems like no one is truly there when you need them the most!! feels like being abandoned. my husband and I live together with our kids and I still feel alone most of the times

@SumthinMstBAvailable 7 жыл бұрын

Miko&Dee World How you fell now. What can someone do to help you feel less alone? I have fully supported my friend through his depression for many years and he eventually cuts me off. I spent a few week texting, calling, visiting to have him ignore my attempts. I stepped back for a month and than tried again and he finally talked to me but he has now accused me of abandoning him in that month I stepped back. I feel like no matter how much I do its never enough. I accept his out burst and I have never argue back but I'm at my breaking point.

@emilybautista 7 жыл бұрын

Miko&Dee World me too

@emilybautista 7 жыл бұрын

SuɱtɧɩɳMstBAʋaɩℓaƄℓε I just left a 17yr friendship because of this reason

@Tom-sv3cm 6 жыл бұрын

I relate to this so damn much. I can't see it from your current point of view right now, because I'm still stuck in the fog. But I do feel completely abandoned, by a lot of people. I feel as though they don't know how to help so they have backed out. I don't want anyone's help though, I know I'm the only one who can save myself. I just want to know that people give a shit. A simple text message every now and then, asking how I'm doing, would be absolutely awesome! That's something that just doesn't happen though.

@meme3395 5 жыл бұрын

Maan, how can you find it in yourself to forgive them?! I find it extremely hard to forgive the people who were not there. If this happened to my child, or other close person, I would've never stopped educating myself until I found out how to help . I cannot forgive that lack of trying...especially from parents..especially in moments of such fragility and vulnerability... They leave you to die, do you understand?! PS: For anyone who is going through similar situation, find a caring therapist and work with them. they will be your friend, until you can step on your feet. And don't quit talking to them until you have addressed the root issue. Do not despair, but take the necessary steps to help yourself. All the best.

@jgdiaz3755 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you . Very good advice. My mother only humiliates me and judges my life not being up to her expectations and my sister is the same way . Talking to a therapist would be the best decision

@familyman9832 9 жыл бұрын

I'm in that hole right now slowly getting out of it scared I'll fall deep in the whole. It's a tough one, When need so much support when just weeks ago life was but a dream. Family and friends tell me my negative thinking keeps me where I am, and that's not true, I recently had to tell my mom who has RA, it would be as if I told her to stop limping so her RA would go away, now I think she is more understanding. RA is rheumatoid arthritis by the way. This is such a real topic, like you said it's on the job training for everyone. Great video Noah!

@dacanation12 5 жыл бұрын

I'm suffering depression right now and I feel like my family and friends don't really care about me when they know I have depression.

@willjones4199 6 жыл бұрын

I feel unrecognizable to my old self as well, just a robot who does nothing now a days. Lost my brother and then tried to get off benzos which led to depersonalization. I need a miracle

@MrMkayultra 4 жыл бұрын

Will Jones lets rip some bong hits. MJ will make you feel happy

@Jeweler46 Жыл бұрын

One should never ever have to apologize for asking family and friends for help when your suffering from depression and anxiety. Those that truly care about you and truly love you will be by your side and walk you through until you get back on your feet. They would never abandon you during your darkest time. That's love ❤ Those that choose to walk out the door to leave you alone to suffer are selfish and are not the people you should count on to be there for you. Actions speak louder than words. Choose your tribe carefully and rely on God to guide you to people who will never leave when times are tough. Those that don't care to help, will make you feel worse. I learned this the hard way. People need people ❤❤

@suzie5813 6 жыл бұрын

And some people have had friends end their lives before, claimed to be super sad about those losses and still don't check up on you because they're absolute imbeciles

@ruthprophete5566 4 жыл бұрын

This hits so close to home. My family wasn't there the way I need them to. They helped me financially but what I needed was for them to sit and cry with me To validate some of my feelings but I got nothing. And I just lost my dog and she was the thing that helped me get through everything. Most of the ones closest to me who know my past history of depressions and suicide have not reached out at all. It hurts so much.

@Jonathanmentor 8 жыл бұрын

Love you mate this is so honest. I went through a nervous breakdown too now recovered felt exactly how you felt with people/friends/family not reacting how I expected. Human nature forgiveness is a process.

@sinkovec8996 6 жыл бұрын

If you were a woman, you'd have gotten way more understanding. It's how society views men, as human doings, not human beings. This needs to change. We can't fall, we can't be vulnerable, we can't ever show weakness. Fuck that. Tell them you need help, support, gentleness. If they can't do it, forget them. There are people out there that will be able to do it.

@mistressofmeh8333 5 жыл бұрын

Sin kovec I am a woman and have received no support.

@desativado9332 5 жыл бұрын

Mistress of meh There's the social aspect of course but I believe there's the spiritual side too, we're here to experience what we need to evolve and pain and suffering comes with it depending on the lesson we gotta learn. As an individual I've seen and felt how badly we're perceived/reacted to when show vulnerability, sensitiveness and introversion. This gotta change, how we treat and perceive one another must change for the better.

@janebetts6038 5 жыл бұрын

Very good explanation of the self- absorption of severe depression. It is very difficult for anyone who has not experienced it to understand your anxiety, lack of motivation and loss of identity. It is as if you have forgotten how to be and how to do things properly. You normally do need professional help as friends and family can only take so much. It is so painful when you feel you are not contributing much to anyone else’s life and no longer feel equal to the challenges of life. The feeling of being cut off from normal life is very scary and you can be full of self- doubt. Glad to hear you are so understanding of other people’s responses when you are ill and accepting of yourself now. In fact, I think depressed people do need to put their own recovery first as I have found a tendency to be overcome with guilt whenI am not myself and find I can’t cope well when being expected to support other people through their challenges However, it does help to be reminded by people who have recovered that it is possible to get better and your approach to staying well and having the courage to make these videos does give people hope and ways of tackling anxiety and depression in a constructive way. Thank you and hope you continue staying well

@michellecottrell3553 5 жыл бұрын

It's just painful I gave up talking to people my friends call I don't pick up I know it hurts then but I just don't know how to talk to then

@cdevol10 10 ай бұрын

It's one thing to not know how to handle it but what I don't understand is the judgement and the shame they put on me when I just needed some compassion.

@sinkovec8996 6 жыл бұрын

You are rationalizing. It's not that hard to hug a person and tell them everything is going to be all right and that they are there for you at all times. But some people think that especially men should be able to be robots and always handle everything in their life. It's a lack of compassion for previously a human doing, but now a fragile human being. Just be gentle and supporting. If you find it hard, you don't care for the person. Full stop.

@shahilagh 4 жыл бұрын

Sin kovec totally

@shahilagh 4 жыл бұрын

Sin kovec totally and it s the same for all chronic pain cases

@rebeccaanderson6950 8 жыл бұрын

My extended relatives still don't love me. Even if I educated them, they would never understand. They are unforgiving. Maybe scared. Like you said, some people will never get it and we must forgive and set boundaries to protect ourseives. God wants us to forgive. It's hard to forget because we are humans and we have memories and feelings. Thank you for this video : )

@GnaReffotsirk 4 жыл бұрын

I know they just treat me as a trash can, someone to throw their problems and issues on to. But when I'm broken down and needing, I'm the evil one. It's so unfair. I give my all, and I can't even be how I am. I feel used and abused.

@mcaldasf 4 жыл бұрын

When I met my ex boyfriend, he was severyly depressed and anxious. I fought so much for him and even when I got hurt, I stand by his side. But for dealing with so much pressure and for always pushing harsh on myself to be the best, I got depressed. He tried to help me for a while, but at the end he treated me like I was some kind of push back for him and he blamed me for my depression. He left me and it broke my heart so badly. I'm still recovering from that. :/

@jgdiaz3755 3 жыл бұрын

The same it’s happening to me at the moment. He isn’t as supportive as me. I feel abandoned and lonely

@angeldaisy7 9 жыл бұрын

Thank you for these really lovely, truthful videos. My boyfriend is going through some mental health problems and you've really helped me understand what he's going through. It's improved my relationship with him a lot :)

@keitha.neubert3063 5 жыл бұрын

Hearing your experience and the gentle tone of your voice tonight has me almost in tears. I've spent so long trying to reclaim even a small part of the joy and music in me. It has been challenging, but mostly, astonishing how angry I have gotten at others. Thank you so much for this video. Its content is priceless.

@jeremygarcia25 4 жыл бұрын

I will never forgive the people in my life or the world its too late for me good luck on your journey to a better life everyone

@MariaIsabel_Fufuria 5 жыл бұрын

Four years later, this video is still helping people - even myself, living across the big pond. Thanks. I've been battling chronic depression and bipolar disorder since my early 20's...maybe even before that. I sent this to my bestfriend and parents who I know are getting burnt out...and it's reminded me to think outside of myself and see things through their eyes, though it made me feel disgusted with myself at first. You've reminded me of being MINDFUL and to try and be less consumed by my own thoughts. Thank you. I really reaaally needed this.

@deborahdandrea748 7 жыл бұрын

Wow. the message is on point. you eloquently described the exact emotions that I struggled with for 11 months. Thank you for sharing

@bethanyhumphreys2701 7 жыл бұрын

In this day and age mental health is still taboo, even among healthcare professionals. My mother suffered from depression for as long as I can remember, I was never able to help her growing up because I was a child. To this day she is still struggling with depression and anxiety. I am a Registered nurse and I have taken care of depressed patients. Thankfully I have learned how to help them, but I can also spot a depressed/anxious person a mile away because of my own mother. I finally convinced her to take medications and she has been compliant so far, she has improved tremendously. I am ow suffering from some signs of depression and anxiety, but it's not so bad. Thank you for sharing. Your videos are very inspiring, especially the one about surviving mornings. I will put it into practice for sure.

@Contessa998 6 жыл бұрын

Bethany humphreys What signs and symptoms do you see in people? Do you know that they are depressed? I’m asking because I don’t want to be obvious because I am right now depressed and anxious

@neliux07 9 жыл бұрын

thank you very much for the time of making a video and trying ur very best to help people with depression feel a lil better, i feel exactly the way u did... ideas go through my mind on and on, not necessarily the right ones..... i feel no one understands, but when i listen to u i feel only ppl who is going or went through the same thing are the only ones who know how this feels. thank u for taking the time to even read this now.

@LilyPaice 7 жыл бұрын

This is so wonderful. Probably the most important video I needed to have watched in this time of need. Thank you

@tonyagreathouse3077 11 ай бұрын

I pray for mental and physical healing. Depression has consumed my entire life. It less than 5 years. I became a completely sadly different person. For my family, friends and myself. I dont talk about it. Everything my therapist and psychologist suggest. Didnt work well with my family. So I stopped talking. Im beginning to find some small joys in so much dark and loneliness.

@verlinsupersaintcasey6494 6 жыл бұрын

Thanks, I have all the same feelings right now. I asked for help from my family, all I get is I don't know what to do. They asked me what to do, if I knew I wouldn't need help. I know how to find doctors, I haven't got the finances. Well never the less I would like to say of all I have found online, I'd like to say thank you for one more day! Know you saved a life for one more day!

@sinkovec8996 6 жыл бұрын

Hang on, it will get better, just take it day by day.

@shane193 7 жыл бұрын

You are amazing! Your story is much like my own, other than ive had no one. I run everyone off for good. You said some key things for me to listen to and that was for me to forgive and try to understand why they couldn't be there. Think more of other. Thank you again for being so brave and sharing this. You are very handsome as well.

@KellyLCornell 10 ай бұрын

The worst is when they blame you somehow to justify their own distancing.

@georgevam21 5 жыл бұрын

Hey man, I've been watching your videos for a while and I have to say, they have been very helpful. I wanted to thank you so much because this video gave me a whole new perspective of this whole abandoning situation, it gave me a better understanding of how others see this situation and I'm glad this happened because,as a severely depressed person as well, I get so stuck in my emotions and thoughts that, sometimes, it's impossible for me to understand how others might feel or think about this thing. This video helped me and surely will help others see this result of abandonment as something more natural and less inhumane and it will reduce the hatred that is created by this illness. Wish you all the best buddy!

@Benny.13 5 жыл бұрын

You explain it so perfectly ! The so called friends that don’t reach out make the depression worse

@tatianatrivino5851 5 жыл бұрын

you make me feel so understood just by listening to your insight. thank you.

@artisticamnesia4153 9 жыл бұрын

Heart felt and well said. Something we should all take time to think about it.

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

artistic amnesia :)

@brianressler569 Жыл бұрын

You put a name to something I've been struggling with for some time now. In all the things I've read about having depression, very few people mention what it does when someone you love isn't there for you when you need it the most. You are a saint for forgiving those people. I want to forgive them too because I know harboring hate and bad thoughts just make this worse. But at the same time it's just so hard to forget all the suffering and being alone in those moments because of them. At the same time you make some good points. Maybe they aren't there because they don't know how to be there and we forget that what we articulate to them is also key.

@Shin_BakaSensei 9 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing this honest peptalk. Just to let everybody know that you have anxiety or depression is a problem, because they wouldn't know how to respond, some people give you support but others just avoid you, not knowing what to do. This is not just a mood but an illness, and even if they try to help you, you could take it the wrong way or got a misunderstanding and it end's up bad on both sides. Thanks again I needed to remember that nobody is perfect, keep it up Noah!

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

Fabian Ruiz :) good share brother man

@witchreturns2263 7 жыл бұрын

I had it too. The solution is: temporary cut contact with (retreat from) people who annoy you. And take action: get job, go at social gatherings, invest time in a hobby, take a long trip. Action will help you rewire your brain, will reconnect you with yourself and people and will distract from negative thoughts until they pass. And surround yourself with music and a positive youtube video every day. Taking action will help you restart. At the end of the day, only you can help yourself. Make time for yourself...

@97indianuk 7 жыл бұрын

Beautiful advice. It really touches me. I'm going through a hard time now and it made me feel good.

@lyndravassar5504 6 жыл бұрын

Thanks for this advice. It's the best approach. At the end of the day, we only have ourselves.

@ericbray4201 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for giving this topic space. Few people in our lives can do that when we are severely depressed.

@rustyblade9366 7 жыл бұрын

I'm not depressed or anxious anymore, but even now I still do enjoy coming back to these videos, just to remember. Even now that i'm fine, they still help and encourage me.

@TheCriticom 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing that. Very well put and spoken and a lot of what you said resonated with myself!. I have been suffering from Depression and Anxiety Hopelessness Saddness etc from the age of 18 and I'm now 43. Not all the time but on and off. But it's been helpful hearing your honesty and openness explaining your situation thank you once again.

@maritamartinovic2997 5 жыл бұрын

Well done for speaking openly about it all helps to understand it more ❤

@time4chai995 9 жыл бұрын

Hi Noah. I can relate to many of your videos, and to be honest your channel is pretty much saving my life right now! I remember people becoming distant from me if I ever told them about what I was going through. It made me hate them and everyone else. Unfortunately, my family (and this society) does not understand enough about mental illness, and IT IS SO HARD TO FORGIVE. This is one of my greatest weaknesses.

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

***** Guys like you reaching out are saving my life each and every day so we are even. Really loved what you shared here. Stay brave in all you face.

@draganjovanov3660 8 жыл бұрын

I'm speechless. Thank you for sharing this, you've made me cry at the first minute beacuse I have the same problem like you. I'm glad that I've found this video. Keep it up.

@michelle123kids 8 жыл бұрын

Beautiful video. I really needed to hear this right now.

@myviolinjourney7474 8 жыл бұрын

Just wondering... are things going better now?

@dudenationairnfbo3979 4 жыл бұрын

Im suffering from depression too, I feel alone right now, hearing this...I really need to hear this....thank you

@bevlee4324 8 жыл бұрын

Letting go ... Wise words.. loved this video

@MSNOSSAN 7 жыл бұрын

I've avoided your videos for many months now because they are so raw and true and personal and they spear me thru the heart when I know I did everything I could think of to try and help my then partner who I love unconditionally with his depression, but he simply cut me out , removed me from the picture and moved on without me. The whole experience has left me so broken and I still don't really know what happened as he rarely spoke to me at all over all the months but I have to deal with that. I wonder every day if he'll ever wake up understanding things as you do Noah, if one day I'll finally get a message telling me he know's I did the best I could under the circumstances, that he knows it was that hard on me and I did the very best I could do with what I knew at the time. I have been heartbroken and lost and thru my own dark places for much of this year cos all I wanted was to be there for him in any capacity, even if just to sit in silence beside him, but he didn't want me there at all. And it seemed he expected me to just understand that. I couldn't. I can't. But I have no choice. Not a conversation about where we stand, what I could do for him, what was going on. Lost. Such a waste of something that was so beautiful. I fought as hard as I could but when the other person walks away there's nothing left to do. Your videos always bring me to tears because I think to myself 'I wanted to do that for you', 'I wanted to be there for you', 'I could've done that if you'd only given me the chance'. 'I could've been your strength when you were down, I would've been far less destroyed if you had of let me do that.' Writing this is like a kind of therapy, getting lots of things out of me. I know you won't read this on such an old post but thank you Noah for sharing your story and connecting with so many people from both sides of the coin and allowing us some insight and a platform to release.

@brianagee7544 9 жыл бұрын

Really enjoyed this video, I commend you for speaking with openness and honesty on a subject so very few understand. I continue to enjoy your uploads as I feel I relate to you in many ways. Stay humble brother and keep doing what your doing. By speaking from your experiences with emotional maturity and understanding you've put into words what it takes other much longer to realize. In case you were wondering I myself am recovering from severe depression/anxiety and continue to seek out a healthy lifestyle for body and mind. Your channel has been very involved in my recovery and treatment on TRT. I can say that if not for your channel I may have never been introduced to the world of low T. From learning from your channel, I was inclined to do research desperately looking for answers that explained the way I was feeling. Long story short my levels were checked and sure enough I was low at 167 at 24 years old. After many other treatment regimens TRT was introduced and has made a drastic change in my life, thus giving me the strength to make lifestyle changes and strive for optimum mental health and become emotionally stable. To make the conscious decision day in and day out to strive to be stronger than yesterday, and above all never wait for tomorrow to be happy today.

@Ekkoisgecko 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for making this video, I think you just talked me out of a major fit of depression. You helped me to see the other side.

@ontoyoualways9183 6 жыл бұрын

Kimberly. He does explain the other side. Not so sure how accurate he is. What he is really sayin is........if you are depressed. It is your own fault. Dont burden others with your issues because they dont want to deal with it.

@icegypsy58 8 жыл бұрын

caregiver burnout.....and I was a caregiver too.....so lonely going thru this...thanks for making this video and understanding how bad this pain feels.

@navagatingthroughthebeasts2908 6 жыл бұрын

well we push people away with our depression, when they are building and enjoying life we sit it out

@sinkovec8996 6 жыл бұрын

No one wants fair weather friends. Because they are not really friends then...

@a.a.hamblen5654 7 жыл бұрын

Dude, your down to earth candor is a life saver!

@ToasterTrain 9 жыл бұрын

Hey dude, this is something I get. Sometimes for my own issues but when my brother was diagnosed schizophrenic they all walked away and it was left to me to care for him and lots and lots of times I abandoned him too. It's a tough go. You have the most amazing words. Thanks for sharing.

@midnightsociety1221 6 жыл бұрын

Just remember these key words (LET GO). Program it in your brain, say it a bunch of times over and over again. Every time you feel hung up on something, or every time a emotion rolls over you let it go. Program yourself to wake up / snap out of it. Focus your mind, you have to its the only way. Practice everyday focus on something positive, practice practice practice. You can do anything you just have to manipulate your mind, trick it if you can. Your body will follow chemicals in your body will change/ your mind will change. Forget about everyone else for a sec remember YOU, YOU EXIST, YOU ARE HERE. Master your mind. Ive been to the darkest places and seen true beauty in everything. You have to ground your mind to something or it will drift away.... I hope everyone finds peace.

@lauren-gc2iy 5 жыл бұрын

thank you for saying what I've been so guilty for thinking for years

@ramki9196 4 жыл бұрын

i am going thru the hardest days of my life. feeling abandoned , totally unwanted and also the people who meant the world to you has moved on already, while you live all alone in your apartment. i dont know whats the clinical term for my condition, but clearly it impacted my career at office and my personal relationships. and here i am having a mental break down again on a friday night scared of home alone on the next days and the thoughts that might drive me crazy. I was wondering how society sees the condition i am going thru and i find this video. watching this video made me cry, because i couldnt put my condition in words to people i want to. clearly you are blessed to be alive today, because i know how much it pains to have voices in head that takes you into deep thought and finally betray you and make you feel useless and pushes you to suicidal.

@debrarodriguez9877 4 жыл бұрын

I can definitley relate to the loneliness. I have no one that understands so I really do not have anyone to talk too. I tried but either they turn the conversation on themselves or they just seem disinterested and that was my brother and sister. The two people I could rely on have so sadly passed on. Having issues dealing with multiple deaths within a very short time period. I do not want to burden anyone else with my issues. I am so happy I found Bignoknow. I am listening..... I need help!

@christophermancini7380 5 жыл бұрын

Noah, wow, I could not have summarized my feelings of disappointment towards family and friends who don't seem to get it (and some never will) and to have the capacity to forgive, though it's so hard to look past our suffering, as selfish as it is. It's especially hard when certain people who have been supportive all along-and who you think you always could count on being there-suddenly turn their backs, perhaps as you term it being "burned out."

@vishnusubramanian775 5 жыл бұрын

Going through these comments. At least now I know I'm not alone. It's comforting. I've completely shut myself out of the society . I don't attend marriages, funerals.. I've deleted all my social media accounts except for my KZfaq. It's a struggle going to work everyday and being a salesman when everything everyone telling me pisses me off and white knuckle it all by myself . I need this job to live. Only thing that keeping me alive is my guitar and these videos.

@banish7240 9 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video and the content. I can relate to this.

@just3ratsgaming744 8 жыл бұрын

I didn't even want help. I wanted to be left alone. and they just barged in. like they even cared.

@kathakdance1 9 жыл бұрын

awwww, thank you for this honest video. I do believe that you should always forgive. Walking around with anger and bitterness in your soul does not help in any way. However, I also strongly believe that you always learn who your best friends are difficult times. People who shun you in times of illness and quietly turn their baxks or who do not visit you in hospital are not your friends. They may be fair weather friends (when life in going good) but you cant depend on them. I am glad that you are doing better and that that horrible time has passed. May god watch over nd protect you always.

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

kathakdance1 Really love this share, thx.

@brianressler569 Жыл бұрын

Well put even though this comment was years ago. I'm still figuring this out.. but this is something that has come up in my head. That these friends of mine perhaps they aren't the type of friends that could be depended on. The truth is maybe I just need new friends so that I don't let the not so great ones get me down

@brianodonnell9126 7 жыл бұрын

I watched so many of your Videos. They are a big help. You talk so much sense. I hope I can find my way out as well as you have. ☺ regards Brian

@jcmnica 9 жыл бұрын

Noah its amazing how the TRT brings mental clarity. What you are doing now is what makes the difference. Stay focused and think of only the postive things in life and give up and let go of the passed because that will continue to judge your actions every day. wake up and focus on what makes you happy and avoid the bad at all costs. Where there is resentment there is no love.

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

jcmnica beautiful post.

@stan5768 9 жыл бұрын

Your stories always get me. I felt like giving you a hug and tell you it would all be alright.

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

Sandi Sandokan I'd have accepted the hug lol Thx for the kind words.

@lifeasjohn1390 7 жыл бұрын

God bless you, man

@lifeasjohn1390 7 жыл бұрын

I really appreciate you giving you're story, I really can relate.

@illtrauma15d72 9 жыл бұрын

good stuff man..i feel you dude..i done fucked up soo much with friends and family...your are a big guy todo this!!!

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

illtrauma15 D Thx man, always a new day.

@rafaelsaldivar 9 жыл бұрын

THANKS!!.. Thank you Thank you Thank you. Great Video. It really touched my heart. We are not alone. Gracias!!

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

rafael saldivar :) Never alone

@drumprogresserater 9 жыл бұрын

Hi bignoknow I commented on a video on one of your videos a year ago, and did a response video to anxiety and depression/ depersonalisation. Im almost 18 now and have been through much quite like your self man. Since that video a lot has changed, Ive been through counselling, Mindfulness, CBT Therapy, Charles lindmethod and a college counsellor, which shows the extremity of which i was willing to get through this. You realise you can't go back to the same person you were, but now I'm a lot stronger. Being at college I'm not that social at college and this used to really really get to me that I wasn't popular or treated like my mates. I realise now that its not going to happen as quickly as you think or want it to be, but the way i look at it even though it get s me down that maybe that i missed the chance to be as close with college friends, but i know it was because of my situation and that others won't understand most likely because they don't know the half of how it affects or changes a person. Moments like now I'm in college they're all playing a game crowded around a computer and laughing etc, and i feel dis-included, to find people who have similar humour, but being this age I've been through a lot already so maybe its a maturity thing and my social skills might be lacking, thats definitely a work in progress, but I don't come off as a 'shy guy', like you younger i was full of life, but when joining my secondary school it sent me into that pit. When i see how far I've come and now realise that it was all circumstance, trauma and experience, i know through that collective therapies have made me become much calmer, healthier but i know i still am quiet. Not that i can't be loud or anything i just find the college humour much and maybe going through many years of very different environment before hand, has definitely changed my way of thinking. I don't have a lot of friends and honestly this anxiety makes you dislike people even more xD but learning to forgive the people around you i really have had to do that and its a slow process, but its mixed with the realisation of the fact you're doing certain things better and begin to feel more and more 'confident' or 'stable'. I have a girlfriend, my family's situation definitely played a tole in my depression worsening but i know they didn't mean. I have few people in my life and university is starting soon... this will give me an entire fresh new exeperience and I'm super excited. Hopefully i haven't gone off on one, but it would be awesome to be able to maybe speak to you through on this or maybe through email.

@apurvbargale007 5 жыл бұрын

Hi....you are doing a great job by sharing what u felt and what u have gone through....i can easily relate myself with u....

@pamelameltonhuff583 Жыл бұрын

I've been following you for years. I know exactly how you feel. I was put down for my anxiety for my heart rate we're almost passing out in public. Fast heart rate 150 160 all the times sweating feel like I'm going to die. Depression. Worst depression because the last best friend I had abandoned me just walked away devastated. All I can do is depend on God to get me through this.. thank you no no for putting this video out there

@shanewood1821 8 жыл бұрын

You are so brave to make this video, I understand and still (10) months since the "catapult" into depression am still not back up. My dad has the caregiver burnout i think, every time i try and talk to him, he shuts me down. Saying its all in the past. And when i said i have 4 months memory missing, his only response was..... "just as well then" that was it, didnt say anything else. I was just left stood there in total shock, Now i dont try to talk anymore. I feel like i have to protect myself by shutting out the outside world and isolating myself. Lets face it we dont hurt ourselves... other people hurt us. All i ever wanted was a woman to love me, but i guess im totally unlovable and im a failure. I have accepted it now and will never try to be in a relationship again.

@justgo4033 9 жыл бұрын

Love your videos , I've been going through depression hard for the past three years and went through depersonalization after trying Wellbutrin . Keep up the good work. :)

@aljo760 Жыл бұрын

My Dad once said something like "Don't fall into a depression, because you're going to end up being no use to someone."

@TzokoliT 6 жыл бұрын

I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME. thank you!!

@cosmicfxx 4 жыл бұрын

No one every has been there for me. I don’t look for sympathy, I did long for understanding, but I have given up. No one gives a shit and at ago of 50 I am now angry at the world, not just for how I have been treated since a child, but for the worlds greed and selfishness in general. I am truly isolated. I’ve tried so hard my whole life to better it. Nothing has change.

@joylesile8195 8 жыл бұрын

I understand this video so much. I destroy so many people that love me, was there for me and have my back they all turned their back on me. I feel so abandoned and lonely and its hard to get it back together with my depressed.. I could relate to you and this video.. I'm healing day by day.. I never give up always try to forgive those I hurt but they give me on me but I didn't and I feel great that I know all those things I did and I just wish to God they forgive me the future

@shahilagh 4 жыл бұрын

For all chronic pains ppl run away because they r afraid .... sometimes they r wrong because only once asking how r u makes a huge difference

@cam94keith96 6 жыл бұрын

God Bless You!!!

@lorin358 5 жыл бұрын

I’m currently very upset and almost hateful towards my parents ... I’m going through to worst time of my life and they are not here for me . I’m so disappointed and feel abandoned.. it’s gonna take me a minute to forgive

@mwdsaw3126 5 жыл бұрын

Sometimes it feels that even if i did end my life, no one will give a fuck im just invisible... I gave up on my life and started living to carry my sister and parents through rough times other than that I dont have a reason to live.

@Aguilar88G 9 жыл бұрын

Thank you Noah. I needed this video today.

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

Aguilar88G :) Been thinking about you brother. Did you make that call??

@Aguilar88G 9 жыл бұрын

bignoknow I haven't had the time. I will soon. Just going through an extremely rough time right now.

@james575730 9 жыл бұрын

bignoknow please need to talk to you, email is javid.Bencosme@gmail.com

@JonnyOwenTunes Ай бұрын

Seeing Family... It's such a painful dilemma. The very people you desperately need the most are the last people you want to hurt by admitting how broken you are. Depression destroys everyone it touches. I love my family but loving them is incredibly painful because every time I see them it reminds me of the loss and grief I feel because they moved abroad when I was 20 and the guilt I feel because I cannot be the person they hoped I would be. I recently realised that my family time is traumatic. Or sometimes the time togetehr can feel better but it feels mostly like relief rather than actual joy or safety. Then the trauma comes after seeing them. I love them, but there is so much residual resentment and anger and fear and trauma that loving them, seeing them is just so upsetting. And then if I act up because of it they close ranks and it compounds the isolation, guilt, abandonment. I wish I could cut that part out of myself so I could just experience the love and joy but I can't. I'm 44 and tried for 24 years. Each time I fail, it feels worse. And I hurt them more. I can't bear it. Sometimes, I wish I could just quietly stop breathing. No more fuss and upset. I keep going. But I am living half alive. I had passionate friendships when I was younger. Friends were my found family. But over the years, life has changed, friends have drifted. I was drawn to people who were bad for me and in the end I had to cut them out. Or I was unable to sustain the friendships over time that would be healthy for me because of my abandonment issues and low self esteem. In other cases it was sheer abandonment on their part. Either way way, over time my ability to form deeper relationships has gradually evaporated. Now I make do with surface niceties when I'm up to it or sheer isolation when I'm not. I rarely open up even to closer friends because if I do, all this darkness comes out and it feels selfish. And I worry they will tire of it and leave eventually. There is no end to the darkness. Sometimes I wonder how it all got such a mess. By all accounts I was a very sweet and chatty little boy who loved connecting with people. Now all that is left is a sad, lonely, bewildered man who cannot trust and who cannot seem to find a way to stop is hurt from hurting others. So I hide from the world and cry alone. I've done all the 'stuff'... various talking therapies, various antidepressants, running, yoga, sleep therapies, healthy diet, quit cigarettes, avoided drugs & alcohol, daily fresh air, volunteering, re-educating myself and moving into a 'meaningful' job in wildlife conservation, daily gratitude, meditation etc. Nothing works. Something fundamental is broken inside and I can't fix it. It hurts that my family dont realise how hard I have tried and keep trying. They don't know how often I am rock bottom yet continue to put the mask on and function.. going to work, posting on social media, getting through things. My older sister in particular thinks I am selfish because apparently I have ruined a handful of family get togethers simply by standing up for myself... never realising how much hard work it took to get there in the first place and how hurtful the words and actions of my mother can be. She only sees the 0.005% of pain that comes out. She never seems to appreciate the remaining 99.995% that quietly spirals in. I hate my mother. I wish they would appreciate how much strength it takes to hate her, yet also show up and try to love her.

@shermarkijames 6 жыл бұрын

My mum at this point just refuses to talk to me and I have no one else to talk to. So everyday I feel even more alone and depressed and I’m fighting this battle all alone everyday and I feel like I’m losing very badly.

@jgdiaz3755 3 жыл бұрын

Hi how are you doing? I’m sorry to hear that

@adamilbaher1503 4 жыл бұрын

I have been severely depressed, anxiety ridden, depersonalized, and highly suicidal for the past 3 years and I am only 19. It started from depression from bullying in high school and then unsupported cultural parents. I became a first responder and saw horrible shit that no one should ever see. And now I am a burden to my parents who are financially okay and have a big house. I live with my grandparents now and even they wished I was gone.

@adamilbaher1503 4 жыл бұрын

Even though I am a supportive person and I am kind to everyone else. I am still the enemy.

@user-pu5hr5xu3t 5 жыл бұрын

I have had a rough go of abandonment and depression. I am 46 now, and I was abandoned when I was 6. I had a good life. My Aunt and Uncle raised me, and they did their best I think, but I was left out of a lot of considerations, which added to the abandonment I think. I have written my bio parents off as being pieces of shit. Who abandons a 6 year old?! But in future, I was not only the middle child, but I was adopted. I was not really paid attention to, and I rebelled badly. Through my junior and high school, I contributed to the same activities as my adoptive siblings, but no body showed up to my games, they didn't show up to my Marine boot camp graduation, etc. It was rough and finally one day in my late 30's I snapped. I am 46 now and though I had tried to communicate with my family for years, they don't. I stopped communication completely 2 months ago. You all don't get how alone someone can be. It is hellish.

@katecollins2982 11 ай бұрын

Spot on. It makes it hard to want to build relationships.

@Henry-kq6vr 6 жыл бұрын

You are so brave!

@magicblue5591 9 жыл бұрын

Wow, great Video man. I understand completely.

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

Jamie Ruiz :)

@ylsm3 7 жыл бұрын

I feel so bad that my anxiety/ depression becomes a great burden to my family, am thinking if I leave them, walk away from their lives, they could have a normal happy life...I am in a miserable pain, what can i do?

@freelybe 7 жыл бұрын

Hi, yvonne, am right there were you are now. As a mom, it's horrible to feel like a burden when you're used to being a caregiver to your kids (mine are grown). They care a lot and show it often, but the signs of their burnout over my issues are starting to show....so I am looking for good recovery solutions. God bless you. If you are the type of person that worries about being a burden, you probably are just the opposite of that at heart.

@ylsm3 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you Noah! May God bless you and all the people out there who suffer from anxity and depression. I hope we all will recover one day and be able to enjoy our lives again!

@amatitlan4699 5 жыл бұрын

yvonne mak hi yvonne I jus sow your comment I want to tell you you’re not alone me my self also straggle with depression and anxiety and the hardest thing is I have to drive to work Avery day and the anxiety is obstacle. May God have mercy for people like us.

@kaylajohnson5907 3 жыл бұрын

awhhh mr, i am there right now. my story is so dark tho, it happened when i fell prego and doctors, friends, family everyone pushed me into something and i fell really sick physically and needed help to live, and no one seemed to know what to do or cared to do it when i asked for a better hospital over and over...then i lost so many people and thought them all demons tbh..lol. but i did...and sometimes still do wonder what the HE** IS WRONG WITH THEM ALL...its not hard to help someone...then i become homeless staying here and there while sick after losing everything and the health and baby...and yet still nothing from them. its heartbreaking in this world...SO knowing this, now i know you aren't alone at all. i dont know how my story will end, it was much much darker before too...all that happened in my life. but i cannot write it all. ur in my heart and mind. i write this while im on someone else couch and worried about the next day. xx. so i get it 100 percent. ( like i said i cannot tell you everything that happened in my whole life here, but believe me it is dark and sometimes i dont know how to force myself to re learn how to live, but im gonna try my hardest...cause i want to live ...even though it ALL. ) i will say i cant do this, i feel like such a burden to the last friend i have now, and i increasingly see he doesn't want me here either. i cannot face the streets alone and sick. idk how anyone does it. thanks for sharing you story,

@jimimorris3627 4 жыл бұрын

My life is probably going to have s really bad ending. I have made some bad decisions. One of them is I went into health care, and I rarely work with other men. I have practically no friends that I’m really close to. The worst part is how insignificant I am in this world. It’s hard to deal with. I think your videos are great. Keep up the good work.