Ikr? This is great advice for future foster parents like me!

I never went through foster care luckily because my parents were separated, I had already lived with my mom my whole life when some traumatic shit happened and an ACS case was opened. i remember going to live with my dad and stepmom and most of my items were extremely dirty, or unusable, so obviously most of it had to be thrown away or immediately taken to wash. One of the only things I had left was my moms sweater and when I tell you I held on to that god damn thing for dear life I mean it. it was the only thing I had of my mom for a good 6-8years of my life. I was no older then 12 when this all happened, I’m 21 now and I still have that sweater in decent condition. I wear it all the time, and although me and my mother have a strained relationship, it helps me feel closer to her when I’m not. It’s helps knowing that there are other adults taking things like that into consideration. I know I needed it when I was a kid, and I wasn’t even fully removed my my family, just the family I knew, and that shattered my world.

Same! I want to foster and i have a terrible sense of smell so i would never reach that conclusion on my own! Thank goodness I see this now

I agree I was a foster kid aged out of the system I'm 28 Years old I'm successful in life someday I would love to foster

I used to be in foster care and I had this comfort stuffed animal that had my mother's perfume sprayed on it. I had it all the time and never washed it bc it reminded me of home

I am certain she is proud of you ❤️

I guarantee shes proud of you honey💗

This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. It warms my heart to know that people can be sensitive to any and many kinds of situations. The world doesn't seem so bad when you learn about this.

I'm proud of you just from a few written words. I'm sure 'proud' would be an understatement for her. What an amazing person you became

That’s so sweet. I’m sure she is proud

And abuse is complicated... especially when the person is a caregiver. You will inevitably have positive memories and will love that person by default even if they hurt or neglected you. Comfort items like this can help hold on to some shred of stability and control for kids who feel like they've lost everything.

I'm sorry that happened .. Hugs

❤❤🫂🫂🫂 i hope youre okay

Sending much love

Mia, I'm so sorry. 💔

That is heartbreaking. I am so sorry.

Sounds like you went through some traumatic things during your childhood, I'm sorry to hear that and I hope you're doing well ❤ and what you said basically proved the lady in the video's point exactly. Well all deserve to have control over our most loved comforting possessions. Taking away that control when someone already has such little control of their circumstances can be very traumatic.

I’m sorry that happened to u :( especially that she didn’t even give it back??? Or talk to you at all about it???? Sadly I’m on the moms end about the smell tho… where as if I was the mom I probably would’ve done the same. I definitely wouldn’t have just taken ur shit without talking to you and not give it back but I would’ve had to have a conversation with you about washing it or SOMETHING since I’m very sensitive to smells (and even sights like shit/vom from Humans,pets, you name it) and I’ll throw up for hours and get EXTREMELY ill I start shaking and getting cold sweats etc and cats and cigarettes are two of some of the smells that are triggering for me the most

Smells ARE that important. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Yeah that part got me too. So compassionate.

Yes, and maybe everyone needs someone to ask and respect children's feelings. Take the time to talk, listen, and teach them with kindness. Thank you for sharing

@@HelloL.G. 100%

i cried at that point

Yeah Oh noo

I had a 12 month old baby the other week and I held her in my arms while she slept for a bit. Part of me was thinking about potential lice/bed bugs. But the reality is...baby girl trusted me. She stopped crying enough to calmly fall asleep in my arms with her blankey.

@@emilydecruze2336 I’m crying now. I think to my own daughter similar age . You held her like a momma should when she needed it most ❤️

Would have, we learn every day and that is awesome!!!

I still would.

I've had my grandmother's coat since she passed. There is a kleenex (unused) in her pocket. It still smells like her. 21 years later. It's in a zip lock in the pocket

@@moniquejenkins5193 Monique, you are a sweetheart and l hope you accomplish all the things Grandma would have wanted for you ,plus those you want for yourself ,and MORE. Best wishes,Young lady. May all your dreams come true!!!💜

I can relate, thanks for sharing

​@@HelloL.G. ooh I wish I had my stuffed animals with me, only a few survived the constant moves and from my parents to my aunts lol, i relate so much though ❤ the ones that lasted are so special

The world doesn’t deserve the amazing foster families out there. There’s some bad ones for sure but when the good ones are there, they should be rewarded so much more. The things they deal with is insane.

OMG 75 ??? she must be an angel .. that's a lot .

WOW!!!! Amazing!!! I dream to foster 14 kids and man 75 is phenomenal!!!

​@@jennaseitz Hispanic people often become foster parents for the money

That would be ideal. Hugs from many of us when and if you'd like that.

Took the words right out of my mind. I was a 10year foster kid before I was adopted at 16.

Dude…same…

Same here.. I remember coming from a placement where they smoked and used spray paint inside.. the new foster told me that all of my stuff was smelly and made me immediately wash everything down to the duffel bag it was carried in when we got to her house. She then proceeded to tell me that I should be grateful when I broke down crying on her million dollar porch. She sent me back the next morning

1000% this

​@@aidanbrown7210 what a f... b.... this makes ne so angy, but only because you were a defenseless child in a horrible situation that needed comfort so badly and not humiliation. Otherwise I just shake my had about people like that . I hope you know that this didn't happen because of you, This was just a real trashy human on her million dollar porch. I feel bad for her husband and her children , too . All luck and love for you!

Thank you for listening anyway.

SAME!

SAME!

This is so touching to me for the same reason. Children in this situation needs so much care, comfort and kindness

A Ziploc, why didn't I think of that! I was literally bawling my eyes out last night trying so desperately to smell my dad on one of his shirts.

... ♥️ ...

Its far better to campaign to stop the unnecessary removal of children from families who love them.

@@Queen-of-Swords ok. But I'm doing that now? But I'm not stable enough to take someone in. So maybe step off the soap box, your vibe is discouraging to people who just wanna help.

Me too! ❤

Same!!! I can't have bio kids of my own so my goal is to be stable enough to foster and adopt someday ^^ I want to give these kids that have been through so much a safe and loving place to stay for as long as they need it ❤️

It just makes you feel dirty. Like you are some mutt in their perfect house. Definitely not a great way to start a relationship

❤❤

Same dude ♥️♥️

Yeah, there usually aren't possessions to wash!

Funny how the world is,in the care home I work in the elderly residents don't have the basic items, I'm so surprised that their families visit but don't provide any thing.

​@@dipitickner1927 devils advocate here but are the families made aware and updated on the status of these items? I know not all care homes are in frequent contact with families outside of visiting and some have toiletries and basic necessities included in the price of residency and arranged by the care staff. Every home is different and it might not be apathy on the part of the family but more not knowing its something they need to provide

@@rach_laze A lol of times I inform a family of certain needs or clothing, some do take heed but just as many can't be bothered.

​@@rach_laze Lot of families are not proactive about the care their families receive old or young. Personally if my folks were in a home I would be taking care of them as much as I could. Change, check their skin and feed them. Do their HS/AM care. Even their bowel care. But I have long-term disability Care experience. They did it for me so... It's the least I can do for them.

I am sorry you had to go through that. It wasn't nice of them, and even though it was so long ago, your feelings are still real and valid. Thank you for sharing your comment, it was very brave of you.

I'm so sorry. I helped to raise a friend's D. She's so precious to me to this day we are very close. I wish you been afforded this type of treatment. You were and are very worthy of it.

So sorry. A lot of people wrongly assume that the reasons kids are removed are fair and correct, they also assume all foster parents are as good as this one. The reality is that the prospects of "looked after" children are very poor and their experiences in care are worse than how things were at home. Its really messed up. I hope it made some improvement in your life, but I know many cases where it did not.

Literally same and I just turned 33.

Make sure you are fostering someone who has been removed for good reason, Social Workers in the country where I live, often remove children for very trivial reasons. They help the child by removing them, without first trying to help the FAMILY. Kids usually do better with their families. In the UK the social outcomes for looked after kids are usually extremely poor.

@@Queen-of-Swords It's the same in the us. Unfortunately, there's not really anything foster parents can do to prevent kids being taken for wrong reasons. Trying to make sure they only foster kids taken for "good reason" will just leave the ones who never should've been taken in an even worse position. It's not like they'll just be sent back home based on the foster parents' opinion. It's definitely good for foster parents to be aware of the fact that many children in care should never have been separated from their parents, but choosing to make their homes unavailable to such children won't do anything to help the situation they're in. While I totally agree that back with family would be best, since the foster parent has no control over that, the best thing they can do for such kids is to be available & like Laura.

@@JJ-yc2sv what awaits most kids in foster care, is worse than their birth families. And also most GOOD foster carers are eventually told they are "too involved" with the children, and any people who are too loving get thrown out. Having a proper bond is not allowed until the goal of ADOPTION.

@@Queen-of-Swords I know. It's a really horrible system. Far too many children are needlessly traumatized by having their family torn apart for bs reasons. And too many kids who really DO need rescued, never are. It would be excusable if human psychology were still a mystery to us, but we KNOW how damaging it is to separate a child from their primary caregiver. And yet, they're treated like it's nothing, aren't provided therapy for the trauma, and then when they inevitably develop behavioral issues, they're labeled & treated as problem children. It's a fast-track into the prison system more than anything else.

My heart broke reading that. You deserved better. I’m so sorry you were treated that way.

💔

🥺🥺🥺🥀🙏🏼❣️🇨🇦

so sorry you went through that. i’ll never understand why some people foster? i hope your surrounded by love and healing now and forever💔

Yes! This!

My mom (who I no longer live with) smokes and gifts from her smell like cigarettes. The smell will fade away overtime, but for me it became a bit of a comfort smell (sadly) when I missed my mom because she smoked so much it became her. That’s just how I see it. I’d say let the kid decide though

My dad passed, one thing I kept smelled like smoke a stuffed animal which was always on the couch, I never washed it, maybe gross but it's the memories of the smell, it doesn't really smell anymore of smoke just him.

Loundry stripping! If it smells like cigarettes it probably has that gunk built up in it which is not healthy!

@Vicki H true, but also for there health try to limit the amount of comfort smelling items,(obviously don't just take everything, let them help you decide) but it's crucial for there health to constantly be surrounded in smoke sutt stuff!

​@@macydiy9697 no its not, lady ur not a dr do u really think so highly of yourself that your OPINION means more then the comfort of a child misplaced from their comfort? A stuffed animal that smells like smoke won't even b on the list of things dangerous to the bodycompared to the poisons we eat in everyday foods....don't fool yourself

Dryer should be able to kill bed bugs

​@@sarahs3988 yes. Heat is best. Warning they can survive the washer.

Drier, washer, drier - for bedbugs.

I was thinking this too. Bedbugs are an absolute nightmare. They seem to be particularly bad in Alaska too.

Yes but they have to be on high heat for long time to kill them and normally they don't smell like home after that. Sad but it's part of life.