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You can’t. If the marriage is sexless she’s already lost all respect-just move on.

I suffered a sexless marriage for 15 years. We got married right after the high school. I was too young and ignored all the red flags you mentioned. Besides of lack of sex, she was a bad mother, bad at the household, dirty, not looking after herself. In the last few years of marriage, we had sex once or twice a year. Finally, 2 years ago I made a hard decision and we divorced.

This is what I’m most afraid of. I’d rather remain single getting sex whenever I want than stay in a sexless marriage.

Been there, done that, and the rejection hurts immensely, but my wife underestimated just how in demand tall, lean, 39 year old men with good jobs are.

Been there and done that when I was married. The relationship is a jet and the sex is the fuel. The jet crashes without the fuel.

Here is a prime example not to get married guys. Sounds like a Chad on paper but living a beta life.

I told my wife from the start - If i don't get it in a relationship, I'll get it outside of it. Since I don't like to ask. Simple.

The only way to fix a dead bedroom is to find another bedroom

Withdrawing both physically and emotionally will indeed shake them up. It's worked for me. Just do your own thing - go to work, go to the gym, go out for a beer with the guys. Put some distance between you and the chick. If she objects, disregard. She has a tantrum? Ignore. If she doesn't react at all, your relationship is over. But it's very likely she will indeed react and try to get your attention and affection back.

I’m from a culture where this is common with wealthy men. The women that look the other way see those marriages as transactional most of the time. They’re not emotionally invested so the benefits they get from the marriage outweighs the guys behaviour, and as long as the benefits continue they’ll pretty much tolerate anything. There’s also cases where the woman is bi and gets off on it but that’s quite rare. What’s more common is the woman loves the guy so deep down she’ll never be ok with sharing. She might try if he’s providing but eventually resentment builds and she’ll take him to the cleaners sooner or later. Seen it a few times. I would tell him to exhaust all options before taking this route because it sounds like he has a lot to lose.

I remember a talk I listened to where a man was in a sex starved marriage where they did counseling, etc, etc. The wife finally get her hormones checked and she was low in testosterone. Yes, women have testosterone too. She went on replacement therapy and everything changed for the better!

Thank you so much for this video. When I was single I used to think that anyone who sought getting their needs met outside of marriage was a horrible person. Now that I'm married and dealing with a mostly dead bedroom I see things from both sides. We don't have kids and have only been married a few years but things in the bedroom have mostly dried up to once or twice a month at most. When and if it does happen, it is lacking on so many levels. I'm almost 50 (and 7 years older) and I eat right and work our regularly so my sex drive is through the roof. In the past I tried talking to my wife about it but it didn't seem to help much. Our normal pattern was that I would initiate 99% of the time and she would only do so about once a year. Things got better for a while but a few months ago when the rejections started becoming too frequent I just stopped initiating completely. Oddly enough like you said, this has resulted in her initiating which is a step in the right direction but it is still happening far too infrequently. At this point I'm pretty checked out of the marriage lasting much longer but we'll see how it goes. I do know one thing for sure, if we end up getting divorced I'm never getting married (or living with a woman) ever again.

My experience is - don't get into something you can't get out of. Men if you make good money and enjoy sex, don't get married. If they push you to get married - dump them.

He made a big mistake. Rule number 1: NEVER marry!

Nice one! The blunt path is truly the way to go. I had this situation once; told my wife to buckle up, or else I would be seeking other options. Now I almost regret it; she now wants it much too often

Never been married, but if I had a wife and bedroom action stopped, then I would pull back emotionally and financially, and if that didn't work then divorce is the only option left on the table.

I noticed 2 distinct situations with my ex-wife where our relationship became sexless. The first was when we got married, our intimacy almost vanished, I would always be asking for sex, also fell into the trap that if I did chores, that could equate to her providing intimacy. It’s like when we were just dating or a non-married couple she would be into sex, once married sex wasn’t next anymore. Another trend was her “promising” that we would have sex that week, probably by or before the end of the week. When the time came she always had excuses and would push it off another week, weeks became months and soon I would become frustrated and I would show it indirectly. Once we did have sex it was always a “quicky” and she wasn’t into it. The second change to our intimacy was soon after the birth of our son. She had some issues when my son was born, she had a painful go at it and needed stitches, so I stayed away from asking to have sex for months, awaiting her slow recovery. Then 7 months later we did have sex but she wasn’t into it, also soon after her response was “sex is only to have babies” so essentially forget about us having sex anymore and she had the final decision on that, permanently withholding sex and years went by with no intimacy at all. We divorced after 3 years.

I am a woman and I can attest that hormonal imbalance is real. Testosterone pellets changed my life and my marriage for the better. I have them implanted every 3 months. No downside for me, only increased energy and a libido that went from about a 2 to 9.5 out of 10. I highly recommend finding a good integrative medical practitioner. It’s not cheap but totally worth the money.

It’s not hormones. It’s just the way women are.

I ALMOST went through this. Switched my daily routine and focused on myslef more. It literally came down to me telling her that if i can't get what I need from you then I have no choice but to F someone else. Things have been decent since. I absolutely can understand why guys have side chics but personally .......I've never seen anyone be ok with being number 2

If there is no genuine burning desire…. There is no relationship left….move on !

Start moving your assets to protect them dude. The end is coming.

After my wife joined CrossFit gym and started getting in shape... Completely changed for the better.

After trying for years to have things "come" my way one day I was just done with it. My marriage is good in all other aspects. Tried everything you can think of, but that passion, that want, is just not there. I got a lover that dont drive me too crazy. Done

As a Cristian I can tell you that in the Bible it does mention that women and men must satisfy each other in sex. If that doesn’t happen then there could be a number of reasons why that’s not happening like Rich said.

And yet with this extremely common scenario so many guys still don’t think twice about jumping head first into marriage, some of my friends actually don’t even have kids and are experiencing this situation. It’s human nature to be sexually desired by your partner but yet there are very few women (in my opinion) that are open to the alternative scenerio that Rich talks about in this video

Great points Rich! Thanks. I think sometimes men try to rationalize if she's great in all these other areas and it's just this one category, I should be grateful. Truth is, that one category is weighted at 70% and the rest are at 30%. I like that you are presenting another option so that guys don't feel they are being held hostage in their relationship. It's like saying this employee is great with customers, she does all the little extras, co-workers love her...and she's stealing from the company far beyond what she contributes...keep her in your employ?

Hey Rich, I'm a very strong Christian and believe it or not, MOST of your videos have a Christian component to it and I agree almost 95% of the time and I watch ALL of your stuff. A sexless marriage in a Christian home is a BIG NO-NO and sin to either one or both parties. If she is withholding sex or weaponizing it and the man wants to hold strong to his convictions, she has basically walked away from certain parts of the faith; that is an entirely different video than just holding back sex. Because of marital laws today and dealing with all of the women issues, I'm so close to abandoning my own Christian position on marriage and try to convince my boys to NEVER marry. It is a total shitshow and I want to keep them from having to experience that type of pain when it can be avoided. I empathize with the man you are talking about in this video and am in an almost identical situation.....I do not know his religious convictions, but as a strong man of faith most of my adult life, I'm considering divorce to keep myself from going out on the marriage. I'd say if it got to that point and she flat out refuses, I, personally won't go the way of a #2 and would rather end the marriage (another Christian no-no, but as you can see, they just add up) and find someone who will scratch that itch however that looks; but as a single man and not a married one. In the rare, good, Christian marriages, each love and obey ALL of God's biblical principles regardless of how they feel and regardless of medical conditions, and in this case, either should have sex at will if in agreement. Christians believe in therapy (rekindle the fire, etc.) and medicine (have her see a doctor), but it does come down to just obeying what they believe in, and when they don't, I believe the relationship is over. Good stuff here as always.

This happened with me, my husband and I have three kids under five years, the youngest is not even 1. I think it may be hormonal but it also requires a mindset shift from the woman.. I I'm extremely attracted to my husband and he is not the problem. I told him that I am working on myself. Maybe I might not be in the mood as much but I will make sure that at least he's taken care of. He works too hard to make us happy and I can't have him be unhappy. Good idea about getting a blood panel done for hormones, especially since I have continuously been either pregnant or breastfeeding since 2018 😅

Sex is not designed for marriage.. I don't know how people still haven't figured this out

Rich - really good info here. Dedicate an entire show to this subject and an additional chapter in your book . Reframing the sex in the marriage .

It's over. I have been married for 20 years. Sexless marriage doesn't work. Men, that gives you the green light to be with other women.

I'm 21 years married been asking for sex for over 13 years. Started a contract business and started traveling. Ive scratched the itch with brothels a few times but i really wanted my wife as she is the world to me. Now she's been diagnosed with altzimers disease and the meds mess her up totally now. I'm 49 and doing well for myself, own 2 homes and pay for my only daughter's university. I found a very nice woman who has the same sex drive as me and i juggle this relationship while i'm on contract working. This is my life now.......

The result of marriage without sex is no more than three things: divorce or depression or loss of sexual desire of the other party, of which I belong to the third group

Once you have kids - forget the sex. It will never be the same. All my friends who chose not to have kids still enjoy healthy and exciting sexual moments together, even after many years. Once you have kids, forget it.

I don’t agree with Rich’s advice here except for getting her hormones checked. The guy describes her as a keeper but here’s the deal fellas, like it or not, women with young children don’t get turned on at the drop of a hat whenever you’re down to go. The test for this guy would be to take her away on a nice weekend and leave the kids with relatives. Based on what this guy described, I’d be surprised if she wasn’t all over him. If she is, then you know what it’s going to take to get her in the mood and if she isn’t, then you have the conversation with her and ask her what the solution is. Bottom line is you don’t step out on what he described as a keeper of a wife, until talking to her first. Maybe she’d be ok with it or look the other way but I doubt it. I guarantee if he called her up on his way home from work and said “pack that little red dress I like, I’m taking you away this weekend. I’ve made arrangements for the kids”, problem solved. Good luck my man and ignore all the dumb “dump her or cheat on her” advice here.

If she asked for a divorce based on cheating, this man has a lot to lose

Good vid, Richard!

How about she’s not wondering about you, she’s in an affair with someone else.

In Germany we have excellent sauna clubs with gorgeous ladies from all over the world. Escort is another option. I made the experience once you go sideways the relationship is over. Man has his most loving feeling towards his wife during sex...and once that is gone she is just another friend

It doesn't matter how beautiful, younger, great body, wonderful personality etc...that she has...it will get played...give it enough time...most married guys i know say the same thing...Ireally do love my wife, but we dont have sex anymore...better not to get married...that day of reckoning will arrive and it will become very inconvenient 😊

I'm currently going through this. When we got married our sex drive wasn't in the same. Mine was higher but lately she's been through some health problems so if our sex life was a 5 then, it's a 1 now. On top of her physical challenges, she deals with tremendous anxiety and when we do occasionally have sex, i feel almost dirty afterwards because i felt like she only did it to placate me and she barely puts any effort. It'll be the last thing done before we go to sleep. Making it ultra frustrating is I'm surrounded by attractive women of all types at work. We have a son and she's a great mom but as far as our relationship goes, it's kind of feel like we're just roommates who happen to sleep in the same bed. I won't cheat but i can't fight the inevitable change of a relationship that comes with this situation.

Sounds like an easy fix. Bring in some competition. She got complacent, remind her that you're the man and she forgot there's a game to play.

I agree Rich, we only have one life above ground! Live it how you see fit with in reason!! Great advice on the sexless marriage… 👏👏

0:41-0:48. That's one of the problems right there.

See this is why I refuse marriage and have my views about it. Its giving up too much power/leverage. Once shes got you and the ring is around her finger she gets to decide when fun time is and I've heard from numerous friends (even reading through the comments) that as soon as you get married it almost instantly drops. I had an ex gf that did this and withheld sex to gain leverage in the relationship for a month. I bounced. Id rather go through my own drought single then be a bf with no access. Thats like owning a car you cant drive or a high bank account you cant withdraw from. Best advice, stick n move.

Hormone check is excellent Rich. There is a condition women develop after childbirth where the Pituitary Gland atrophies (shrinks). This gland is called the “Master Gland” because it controls all other gland functions in the body. It can lead to symptoms of “Empty Sella Syndrome”. The end glands line ovaries might test ok but it’s the pituitary gland that is the regulator or stimulator of ovaries, thyroid, adrenal etc. Symptoms can be subtle but debilitating, fatigue etc. I am a Radiologist and we are usually the first to pick this up often on a MRI or less commonly on a CT brain scan done for something else. It can be an incidental finding and with rare exception is unsuspected. Benign intracranial hypertension (not high blood pressure) can cause slow pressure atrophy of this small gland in the pituitary fossa or bed. The small gland gets flattened out and slowly atrophies (shrinks) and stops functioning. Just a thought. Good luck!

Sex is oftentimes weaponized or used as a bargaining chip. When a man has convictions about marriage-albeit religious or otherwise-those convictions can be used to stake him down into the relationship. When he doesn’t have the option to leave (based on those convictions), the wife takes advantage of that by controlling access to the P-sleeve. The only way to counterbalance the power dynamic is to just refuse to participate and desexualize oneself so that sex can’t be used against you-that is, until you get fed up and decide to override those religious convictions and get out anyway. By then, it can be too late-speaking for those 70+ who don’t have time to recover from the financial bloodbath of a divorce.

Let’s just be honest. Being with one person for more than 5+ years sucks. No matter what you will get use to each other and the burning desire will wane without effort. It’s natural

My wife have rejected me so many times.. that I stopped asking I am not going to put myself through that rejection anymore.. the thought of having sex with her repulses me.. I am also angry at myself for letting things get to this point.. I feel I no longer have a wife.. I have a roommate

Thanks RiCH!.. I just wanted to hear confirmation. I suspected that was the case

I like seeing Rich do his little characters. “I have religious convictions” lol 😂

Here's how you fix a sexless marriage: Get Divorced!

Loving the bald head in that sun roof lighting

Exclusively in my relationship is implied but not guaranteed. She knows that I am quite happy being a bachelor if things don't work out. Call it dread game, but it keeps us both putting in the effort if they know the exit door is right over there.

Dont bother with women if you are not yet good enough to replace them in a hearts beat

Such sense thank you for saying this

He should stop paying for beauty treatments! She will change her tune then. I am female, guys stop letting these women run rings round you! He is doing everything right, yet she is not keeping up her side.

The problem with this strategy is that it might or will happen that you Fall in love with one of those mostly younger chicks and then you run into a problem. The same for the wife. I would opt for a personal trainer or self development which will make you more attraktive anyway

Someone's cheating. End of story.

She's been boinking Chad, while's he's at the job. He's just turned into her live-in ATM. Count on it.

Divorce the Can't Understand Normal Thinker and move on with your life. That's the answer to this situation.

This is so common hear this all the time

If she is always with the kids, hired a nanny and give her time for herself. She is exhausted dealing with the kids.

In my limited experience of women described like this is that they are having affairs of the mind. Meaning when you’re living with someone you tend to see them at their best and worst. Mostly worst. Your wife may not see you performing at work in your best suit. She’ll see you rushing to work or decompressing afterwards in your scruffy attire. These women see a man they can fantasise about and form an attachment in their heads. They don’t act on it but it’s always there. When this happens the burning desire (which remains unrequited for the most part) transfers to new guy preventing them from enjoying or sexually appreciating what they have no matter how good it seems to outsiders.

Did Melani Trump leave DJT when it slept with Stormy? No, why? Because she is realistic and understands that some men need to get out of the house every once in a while to get tear something up.

Just look at yourself guys. If you treat your woman transactionally - thats what you get in return. He plays his formal "provider" role - she plays her formal "homemaker" roles. And being room mates besides that. What you give - you get in return. And cheating is not a solution, just an escape instead of fixing the actual issue.

Relations can definitely be fixed and some are worth the work, especially when kids are involved. But for that ones mindset has to shift first. Recognize the problems YOU have created and fix yourself first. Then let her know, that she has to work on herself as well and let her know that if this does not happen within a time frame, you are out. To fix a relationship, both have to contribute their part.

Seems like every married man had the bait and switch pulled on him. Sex is great for a while, then she switches it off. In my experience, she never will switch it back on.she will for a new guy, but not her husband. Divorce her, you have no choice. Hope you had a pre nup protecting your pre maritial assests.

Work with an agency that provides personal trainers that specialize in busy executives. It is important to stay fit physically, and a sexless marriage well begin to impact other areas of your life and overall zeal.

I ordered your book but maybe this is an easy question to answer about the pitfalls of dating a mommy with kids. Is it better if she has teenage daughters, and no option of living together until kids are grown and out of the house? Or are the main 6 negative possibilities still strongly possible?

"I dont want to beg for it" If you have to bring it up as a problem you already are. Youre letting her know that you need it. Basically begging for it.

Totaly fine with it. If the bedroom is dead go to pay service. No problem. She doesnt need to know. Easier when you have seperate flats.

Thank You 🎉

When it comes to side pieces whoever is of higher value has a higher chance of getting away with it. When Boring Barry marries giga becky who steps out he will probably come to terms with it seeing as most men want the arm candy. When becky finds out that her man has a side piece she will come to terms with it since her life is better at his side. Neither will be happy with it. But the simple truth is if their partner is seen as high value they will play along with it since they see them as the best that they can do. It's "the price" of dating up.

That guy should get custody of his kids and divorce the wife. In this case, there is nothing stopping her from doing it besides lack of desire

She's cheating

I have never in my life been around people where a rating of appearance of those present on a 1-10 scale was discussed.

It's equally as sad as it is unfortunate. Barring any hormonal or medical issues, it's usually a sign that the marriage is over. Genuine desire cannot be faked or negotiated. So if your own WIFE is unwilling to sleep with you for any reason, other than those listed above, can you really say that she loves you? As a man, much like the majority of men, I interpret love,biologically speaking, through respect, acts of service, and sex. Sex is absolutely paramount to any relationship (romantic) for me. Without sex, there is literally nothing left since men and women generally speaking don't have too much in common. We don't need roommates. As a man, sex is part of the bonding process and helps me connect and feel bonded to my wife. It's not just to get off. This is why, as men, we take personal offense to the women in our lives refusing us sexual access. Aside from it often being the first sign of an affair on her part, it's very personal to us because we don't take it as a rejection of sex. We take it as a personal rejection of us as a person. We internalize it basically as, "If she doesn't want to sleep with me, then she obviously doesn't love me". Ironically, this isn't far from the truth. As someone who was there in my previous marriage, and as someone who has seen plenty of friends and acquaintances complain about how unhappy they are in their marriages due to a lack of sex, I can tell you that there isn't a practical fix for it. I don't think therapy works very well for most cases since you can't have a therapist force your wife to do her wifely duties, to which sex is one of the main duties of a wife within the confines of a loving and successful marriage. Sorry to go off on a rant, but I hope that people are paying attention to this, and that the young men reading these comments and watching these videos realize that these issues are very wide spread in Western countries and it begs the question: is marriage worth it for men in the West? If you marry the "love of your life" and she does this to you, you personally have everything to lose, and she knows this. She knows that if you decide to divorce her, she stands to win. She can take half if your assets, primary custody of the kids, collect child support, and alimony. The West is home to a very gynocentric court system. So what Rich is saying is unconventional, and may be viewed as morally and ethically wrong, but those are the only true options to have your needs and desires met without torpedoing your marriage.

I used to attack your ideas a lot, Rich! And even calling you a person with toxic thoughts about women, until I learned it the very, very, hard way man! Every single piece of advice you give on your channel is made of 24k gold! Those who disagree with you are yet to learn.

I find the shadow affect to be wonderful. If her emotional needs aren't met outside of it. It won't ever be met inside the other rooms. So. While super ego and puffed up ego is great around dudes, a softer side is needed . If a dude that is weak pulls the , just shut her emotions down and send her to her room....she learns by the narcissistic person she is with that her feelings don't count. Parents do this to their children as well..and kids learn this from the parents. If the emotional side is not met. They will learn to do it by themselves. Cause .....then affect. And if men keep on hiding behind, her emotional side. They lose. Keep going with puffed up egos. How about another side of it. Let's say you have a young girl and her emotional side is pushed away. She then starts hyperinflating...her emotions so that she is noticed . Learned behavior. Now what parent ( in their right mind ) would push a child's feelings to the side? Or excuse it away. The child's learned behavior is..I'm a child and I need help and when I speak to AN ADILT, they brush it off. Well, they will need major therapy to unlearn ( healthy ways of expressing emotions. ) if someone in their right mind understands, it will be met . If they tell the ( now adult woman to go to their room) the one doing that is sick. Starving the person and killing her soul. They are then a soul snatcher. And deserve a broken soulless ghostly man.

Jesus Christ that Audi sounds mean. Very nice video and great take on the topic

Froinçois Mitterand, past president of France, had his wife & mistress at his funeral. Wifey was happy to share that part of her job. She might have offloaded it entirely to the mistress.

For women sex is (mainly) leverage in a relationship. Hence....

Step 1: leave marriage Step 2: fix yourself and try again with different women

I used to live in Europe and it’s true that a husband has a lover, but at the same time his wife has someone, too. I had a friend in Europe and he let his girlfriend to sleep with me, as long as he knows with whom she sleeps.

My wife has absolutely no desire to have xxx with me. We haven’t had xxx in 5 months. She said she was upset with something I did 3 MONTHS AGO! And yet we been on vacations & dates. I asked her do she expect me to be faithful to her knowing this is a sexless marriage? Her reply, YES. I work in a hospital with all these woman that wants to f**k me & I find myself about to give in.

I think they used to refer to it as 'conjugal rights' in marriage. I believe it could have been used as a reason for divorce in the old days! Don't blame any guy for looking for satisfaction outside the home under those circumstances!

If she were the best possible mother, she’d respect her children’s father. Dude, stop being a nice guy to your wife. Grow a set of balls and tell her (no bluffing) she can either f**k you often, get a divorce, or have a one sided “open” relationship, her choice. If she calls you an a-hole, you know you’re starting to behave like a man with value.

If it's medical, he is building a lot of resentment over a disorder. Check this first. Have an affair, where there is no possibility of getting caught and then never tell anyone.

A guy like the Author of the letter you read, should not tolerate a dead bedroom.. He provides everything for her, and she has 3 Jobs, 1) keep the house clean, 2) take care of the Kids and 3) have sex from time to time, as you say.. (that is part of the contract she entered with him, as she chose to marry) She is not holding her end of the bargain?? Well.. Then he should concider consequences.. For himself or the marriage.. Especially when he is desireable..

I think it depends on the situation. When Me and the Wife had young kids it would be challenging to get alone time in. Once the boys were older I never had a problem. I would argue that we have a lot more active bedroom in our older years than even our dating years. If there is no particular reason for not having sex that is a serious problem. If you do not have any children or grown children and your not having sex probably time to exit the relationship.

Of course you can, you only have one life. Go live it, well said Rich. 👏👏👏👏👏

Thats why for thousands of years man had several wives and polygyny is legal in main religions.

This giga Chad should have multiple wives or gf”s , he’s selling himself short big time

Why are there no women on here stating that theyre the ones who arent getting it like they want am I the only one???

If he doesn’t want to lose his lifestyle, and his money, then just get it outside. If he wants to go about it honestly, then sit her down tell her either things change or he will be discreet but will get his needs met elsewhere. No way I would have allowed it to get this bad without acting much earlier. His one advantage is she will never do better so maybe she would sign off on it?

That dudes wife is already is sleeping with another guy or has potential options lined up immediately to replace him sexually. Id say hed catch wind of his replacement within his immediate vision if he were to focus.

Unless I'm sick, really tired or have really serious problems, I don't understand why should I reject my man if I love and I'm attracted to him. We have an only life and we should try to enjoy it in all its aspects. Again, if it's a particularly bad period of time, it's understandable to have less or not desire, but then, once the problem is solved, a sexless marriage or relationship is not acceptable.