We Make 🍋LEMON CAKE🍰

"Are you a feminist?" "Absolutely!" "But you're not political?" ...."no." Girlboss logic 101

“Let them eat cake, but like in an emotionally healthy way.” - Philosophy Tube 2021

"Are you a feminist?" "Absolutely." "But you're not political." "No." This is the realest shit.

27:06 the way she hits the line "like, i'm in *labor* but i'm not *working* " with unassuming sincerity always spins me out into bug-eyed shock. it's brilliant

The “girlboss” segment is absolutely terrifying. I feel like abigal thought: “what is the most modern incarnation of evil and oppression with a pretty face that I can put onscreen” and the first thought was “silicon valley startup”.

"We encourage all our customers to be responsible with their shopping" in such an underrated line. Every corporation says the same thing. "We know we're profiting off exploiting people, but it's actually their fault for being exploited."

"You would be surprised how much a little hormone can change your body! Though if you can't make your own, store-bought is fine!" This. Line. Is. Amazing.

"Knowing something is wrong and believing it anyway" brings me back to the first time I tried to talk about my anorexia with a therapist. I'm skinny. She was fat. When she asked me - kindly, patiently - what I thought was wrong with being fat, I couldn't think of a rational explanation as to how I both thought that she and every other fat person in the world weren't doing *anything* wrong and were in fact beautiful and wonderful people, and yet I was scared of putting on weight myself. It can become sort of an inverse of Naomi's experience - instead of believing that you are a victor where everyone else has failed, you can become trapped by your ideal self in the idea that you are uniquely wrong.

this is the backdoor pilot to a philsophical cooking show called Kant Cook Won't Cook

That "I'm a feminist but I'm not political" statement from Kelly Slaughter ran ominously realistic, in this post-Ivanka Trump era. No actual feminist would ever say that, but lots of high-profile, upper-class, white women (who think "feminism" simply means achieving success for yourself, without questioning any existing systems, while female) often do, unironically, say stuff like this. Feminism is inherently political. It may not be a matter of parties, but it is always a matter of politics.

I know KZfaq is, ugh, so fraught when it comes to commenting, but I did want to share my personal journey with finding real REAL joy with being fat. Here goes: I got my eating disorder from my mother. The list of foods I was not allowed to eat as a child was longer than the list of foods I was allowed to eat. I was never allowed cake or soda even on my birthday. The one time my mom packed me lunch it was wholemeal bread with one tiny slice of turkey and piled with alfalfa sprouts with no mustard or mayo or anything. And an apple. Dinner growing up was often a bowl of rice and stir fried lettuce. And this was only ONE part of the child abuse I experienced from my Mom. Food was always about denial and punishment and discipline; all that jazz. And then............ I got the amazing blessing of raising a child. I expressed so much of my love for her through food and cooking. I made roast chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy from scratch. I cooked cute little bento boxes with pandas made out of rice and nori and little weenie frank squids and yellow egg omelette cut to look like stars. I made cakes and cookies and all of it was love. I also got fat. And I hated it about myself for so long, until I realized that what I actually value in life--what really makes me smile and feel genuine joy--is making delicious food for my family and the people I care about. There's love in that food, just like there's love in my belly and back fat and double-chin. Every excess pound on my body is made out of the love I have for my family, and the love I wish I'd had as a child. In feeding my family love through my homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, I was also feeding myself love. I always thought that if I was thin enough, my mom would one day love me. But what I didn't realize until so recently is that my big bum and curves shows that I always had enough love in my body for my beautiful family and for myself.

Any time I explain my eating disorder, I have to go into really graphic details about how bad it was, because when people hear that a fat girl once lost 100 pounds their first assumption is that she regrets gaining 200 back. Not that she was already malnourished before what she did to lose the 100.

I think the trend of thin women using love of food as a personality trait is really telling, because it proves how ingrained those standards of femininity are in us. It's not enough to be thin, you have to be thin effortlessly, without depriving yourself of anything. Because making an effort to abide by beauty standards is seen as weak, antifeminist, but at the same time being 'ugly' is still unacceptable.

"As a woman, if I am fat, it feels like I am disqualified from having gender." This brought actual tears to my eyes. As an AFAB person currently grappling with gender questions, I have frequently had to ask myself "Am I non-binary, or do I just feel like I'm failing to perform womanhood because I am fat?" I still don't have an answer.

The Joker: "We live in a society" Foucault: "Write that down, write that down!"

I am a high school philosopher teacher and I must say that this channel has saved my job many times. I have studied philosophy and I understand it... but this channel, this show, has helped me so much to explain to my students concepts and topics and problems... and, even better, how they can see it applied in our daily life. In high school, they don't care about philosophy concepts or all the white men behind them unless is something that affects them directly. So this channel has made me land those so complex concepts to what they are actually interested in: themselves. Thank you, Abigail.

"You're in labor, but you're not working." Holy shit the opitcs of how terrible that line is hit me like a ton of bricks.

I've thought a lot about how this subject relates to me as a cis Black woman and how culture really brings a lot of conflict to the conversation. I'm expected to eat and be thick BUT only in certain places. Like being impossibly thin is more so a stigma in the Black community ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE NO ASS. You can have no tits, an average face, even a tummy in come cases but GOD FORBID you don't have an ass. And now since the ideal body type is being slim thick the relationship between women and food along with procedures like Brazilian butt lifts is just a vortex of pressure and confusion.

The “Side Dish” with Kelly Slaughter was incredible, Abi. It’s a little funny, a little hard to watch because I wanna punch her in the face, but the best part is the subtle nudges toward the idea that while she’s part of the problem, she’s also ultimately still victim of a hustle culture that bleeds into our every day lives and encourages a fascistic approach to self discipline. It’s just *chef’s kiss*

Started at the bottom, just graduated Stanford. Priceless acting.

17:47 "As a woman, it feels like, If I'm fat, then I'm gonna be disqualified from having gender?" This observation made me think of Spirited Away, when Chihiro’s parents eat so much food that they transform into actual pigs, and the viewer can no longer tell the mom and dad apart. That scene was hard to re-watch with this video in mind. It made me wonder how many people watched that scene and felt insecure about their own eating.

Thank you for this video, Abigail. I'm a man and a strength coach / mixed martial arts coach, who has just started to work with more women who want to learn how to fight, get physically fitter, or train to lift weights safely. A lot of the time a negative body image comes attached with these desires (from all genders I work with). It is heart breaking, to tell you the truth. This video, which I'll re-watch a few times I'm sure, has given me more insight into understanding how to approach their needs. I'll be honest, at times it has been a little upsetting listening to clients talk about themselves. I do my best to remain professionally, but tell them I'm the wrong person if they think I'm going to agree with how they're speaking about themselves. Personally, I do this job to help people feel empowered, stay safe, and have fun. So people can see their bodies as something to celebrate and enjoy, not punish with exercise or dieting. To be clear, I'm not a 'weight loss' coach nor would I like to be. I've suffered from body dysmorphia myself in the past and developed what was clearly an eating disorder to make weight for competitions most weekends. Obviously, this isn't about me though, it is about the people I serve. So, thank you for this video. It will certainly help my clients... And myself included - beard, muscles, and the rest of it. (Apologies for a self-indulgent comment. Just wanted to say thanks as I've been watching since lockdown 1, but never commented.)

That interview segment, especially the "generating value" portion, is exactly like my current employer. I'm expected to have 7 hour long calls with clients a day, with a 30 minute lunch and 2 15 minute breaks. They have a system where we're supposed to report how we're improving ourselves outside of the job. I've literally never done any of that horseshit. I'm not a fucking robot whose sole purpose is to generate value my entire existence. I want to fucking live. I want to see my friends and family. Sometimes I want to do fucking nothing, and when I'm off the clock, you don't get the fucking privilege to tell me I can't. This will likely get me fired in the long run, even though I've taken on extra work to cover for a coworker, but I'll fucking die on this hill.

"If I'm fat I'm disqualified from having gender" God I feel this so much. Even as a Cis lady, growing up as a fat girl was so hard. I felt like I wasn't 'good' enough to act or dress femininely. I would always want to, and had the desire to do my hair prettily or wear dresses and put on makeup- especially as a teen- but when I did I would find myself looking in the mirror and hating myself. I'd be so ashamed at the thought of someone seeing me like that, of them witnessing me having the audacity to try and present myself like other girls when my body looked the way it did. These feelings kept me from dressing and presenting in a way that I truly wanted for my entire adolescence. It took until nearly the age of 22 before I could dress- and present my femininity in a way that made me truly happy without the feelings of shame and inadequacy convincing me to hide myself behind baggy masculine clothing. The feelings have never truly left, I still feel sometimes when I look at myself that I'm not 'worthy' of dressing in a feminine way. Whatever that means. --But! I'm much better at not listening to it now. Idk where I'm going with this comment- I don't usually overshare on the internet like this. That line just stuck with me throughout the whole video.

This is the best possible version of "Online Recipe That Goes Into Weird, Tangential Diatribes Before Finally Telling You How To Bake The Damn Cake".

As someone who’s had a restrictive eating disorder for 7 years and been hospitalized multiple times, you eating the cake at the end made me very emotional. Logically I know that you did something good, you’ve shown yourself doing something so many of us are scared to do (ate publicly), and at the same time my ed brain feels anxiety and fear (almost as if I am you, and I am the one who ate the cake). It’s genuinely terrifying, but it’s just a piece of cake.

The whole weight thing absolutely works for men as well. When I lost a ton of weight I was so surprised just how easier my social interactions became. Like people actually willing to offer genuine help even without asking its honestly amazing.

“You would be surprised how much a little hormone could change your body. Though, if you can’t make your own, store bought is fine.” Pack it up, Abigail has won the internet with this joke.

One example of how deep the pressure for women goes: I was showing my mom an outfit for a wedding and her first response was: "I don't like it. It makes you look huge! It's so unflattering. You should go with something else." And I was like, "I'm 32 weeks pregnant?!"

I'm a 19 y.o man who has been struggling with an eating disorder since the age of 11. This video put into perspective a concept that people often forget about: People with EDs don't develop them over fear or disgust towards fatness, but as a way to feel in control and discipline. I was obese when I first developed it and I'm rather thin now but I *feel* the same, and discovered that I wasn't disgusted of my body at my highest weight. I just had been gaslit into thinking I had "let myself go", and that feeling of "choosing recovery means to lose control" is what drives me away from it, even if my health and mental state had done nothing but decline through all these years I've had EDNOS. Society demonizes people with restrictive eating disorders (because they paint people with Binge eating disorders in a different, but equally negative light) because "they reinforce unachievable standards" instead of thinking that we, too, are the victims of these surreal ideals. Sorry for any broken english, not my first language.

"Denial is not just a river in Egypt." "That's the point," [holds up knife]. "In labour but not working." I love the effort that goes into these videos and the little jokes that keep it fun while making us think. Thanks 😊

“there is a dark, addictive pleasure to being a little fascist towards yourself.” to describe an eating disorder-and by extension, this fucking control towards food that society ingrains in us-as ‘fascism towards the self’ is so fucking vivid and jarring. that line hit me like a fucking train. thank you for this candid video on internalized fatphobia, abi.

"What drives you?" "My driver's name is Jacqueline." Was that a subtle subject/object joke??? So good.

It's unbelievable just the level of effort that goes into these videos... watching the interview and hearing all of the little quips that are put in like "learning spanish to speak to the gardener", it's just so impressive

Has anyone else had an eating disorder for like, twenty years, and there's no longer even a psychological component to it, it's just how you are now? Anyway. I hope one day, I can eat a slice of lemon cake on camera. That's an oddly courageous gesture. Good leading by example, Abby, and I hope you can find a really good support team to help you stay healthy.

Kelly Slaughter is more terrifying to me than the Arsonist. She's the most unnervingly chilling character I have seen in ages.

As a women in tech, that CEO bit made me die a little on the inside. That this is what is shown as "success" to us, that this is the "ideal". If we don't overwork ourselves and forget about everything and everyone else in our lives, and look good while doing it, we'll never make it. Also was cheering that Abi ate the cake!

I have been uncomfortably fat my whole life and I will admit that I cried when you talked about being denied the experience of gender.

I'm NB, and it made me tear up a bit at the mention of eating a whole plate of food being seen as a victory or conquest for men and as failure for women, because as a kid I used to eat a lot food and make a show out of it to seem more masculine, and it only resulted in other people hammering the point home that it was not the lady-like thing to do and in fact I should feel bad about it. It's the type of things that hit hard when I look back to it now.

Holy shit that FIERCE interview section was legitimately hard to get through. Bravo.

« I mean look at Nigella, this is a completely unrealistic body standard for women - She’s only 5mm thick! » had me cackling

"I'm giving Foucault credit for this idea here, even though similar things were said earlier by the Joker." speechless 10/10

To your point, I haven't been able to get top surgery because my insurance won't cover it due to my BMI being a whopping...1 point above their "requirement". Even though removing my chesticles would basically resolve that difference immediately, and I haven't had any issues that are supposedly the concerns with "high BMI". It's all malarkey that's been debunked by health experts, but it doesn't stop my insurance from keeping me from getting medically necessary surgeries and healthcare. :/ I've also had a dermatologist deny a minor surgery to deal with my hidradenitis (which was not as bad two years ago as it has gotten now) because, as he so eloquently phrased it in the most professional of manners, "You're just fat and need to lose weight. You don't need surgery." Anyway, thanks for the recipe. I'm gonna do some spite baking later. 🤘🎂

There are so many parallels surrounding the ways society views trans bodies and fat bodies--the disgust, the dehumanization. Fatphobia and transphobia go hand in hand. This video said a lot of things I've been thinking but never was able to fully flesh out. Thanks Abagail!

You really pulled off the look of a housewife that is dead in side with the clapping at the beginning. Iconic.

“Apart from work what are you passionate about?” When I worked in Silicon Valley I would ask people at parties “what do you like to do for fun?” and consistently they would look at me and be a bit dazed. Like they hadn’t thought of such a thing in a long time. They usually didn’t have any answer. So that question really does hit spot on. 👌🏼

i was recently diagnosed with autism and adhd, most of my life i have been called stupid by nearly everyone around me for not processing information the same way as them. but your videos are just so eloquent and funny and make it so i always know what you and the philosophers and industries and ideas you talk about mean. thankyou for making philosophy accessible to me. thankyou for sharing your experiences and knowledge with the world. i love all of it.

I have a 14 year old daughter who is struggling with an eating disorder. She's been in and out of inpatient care for about a year and manages to do really well in the program but has been falling back into the eating disorder when back at home. I really appreciate the insights shared here and am grateful for a voice I feel can be trusted in Abigail. These times we live in are worrisome to say the least but Philosophy Tube is giving me some hope. Thank you so much for sharing parts of your personal journey, it gives us strength. (On a side note: that mock interview was soul crushing but I believe that's what was intended.)

As a trans man, I was so relieved to hear that you actually worked so hard to perform manhood before coming out to yourself and starting your transition. I have only heard trans stories about how people "always knew they were this way" and, for transmasc people, were often tomboys growing up, but I was a TOTAL femme girl with makeup and heels and dresses before I transitioned. It makes me feel better that I'm not alone in that experience of hyper gendered performance pre-transition.

"there is a dark addictive pleasure in being a little fascist towards yourself." HIT ME HARDDDDDD. I've never heard that feeling be put into words so well before.

35:35 "There is a dark addictive pleasure to being a little fascist towards yourself. So, it's not just that I feel pressured from outside to not eat the cake, it's that I have internalized [it]" That's how I feel about my Duolingo strike.

Abigail this video really spoke to me. I’m a cis man who has struggled with anorexia and gone through a long process of recovery and hearing about your struggles makes me feel less alone

"What drives you?" "My driver's name is Jaquline. She's really cool." I CACKLED. Fucking gold.

The philosopher James Stephanie Sterling has mentioned something about eating in public that really resonated with me and my hang-ups: they said that when someone sees them eat, they imagine the person thinking "I knew it, I knew you eat food. That's why you're fat."

Ive struggled with anorexia my entire life, i started “dieting” because I didn’t feel like i was worth as much as the girls that were 5-10 lbs less than me when i was 9, thank you SO much for this video❤️

I actually cried when you finally eat the cake. Thank you for being you and always sharing your knowledge with us!

omg, housewife and girlboss "ideals" contrasted with self reflection in front of a literal mirror is just so good

“Do not Hassan Piker me!!” carbon dates this video to EXACTLY LAST WEEK

i genuinely teared up watching you eat that cake. I've never struggled with an ED and hopefully never will and yet I have struggled with the fact that I am fat and therefore I should have an ED or something that will make me lose weight so I can be desireable by the standards of society. Which is completely fucked up. I am the biggest I have ever been, mostly because I was a teenager until recently and therefore my body is becoming it's adult version. But I am slowly allowing myself to not be gripped by the need to be thin and to try and shake my disordered eating habits and thinking patterns. Thank you for making this video and for being so vulnerable. Just thank you. I am still a bit teary eyed now, typing this up. Much love.

By the way, I wanted to mention that I love the way you've colorized the baking sequences to reflect your emotional state, so that the color corresponds to what is closest to what real life is and the b&w is the "produced" reality given to us by the panopticon/social constructs/biopower.

My therapist: Abi's American accent can't hurt you Abi's American accent: liyfstayl gowals

I love the new girl boss character, Kelly Slaughter. We have the same last name. 😂 That pause at the end is just {chef's kiss}

It feels weird that being beautiful is such a big thing. When people say everyone is beautiful, i just feel like, why is beauty such a big thing for us? We're fine with not being good at certain things, like playing sports. But beauty ends up being something everyone wants. No one can accept without sadness that they are not pretty. No one wants to say I'm not pretty, i don't want to be pretty.

Nobody: The ancient Romans watching Abigail’s video: “Quid dicis?”

"It feels like if I'm fat then I'm going to be disqualified from having gender." Whew, this one hit hard. As an obese ciswoman, I have often felt what I usually call involuntary androgyny, where I'm not recognized as a woman because I do not have a "proper" woman shape. I've been misgendered a lot because of it, and would often go out of my way to wear makeup and more feminine clothing (which is a whole other thing for obese women) in order to essentially more easily be identified as a woman by strangers, even if it's not what I wanted to do. Obese women's bodies are not recognized in society as women's bodies.

"there is a dark, addictive pleasure in being a little facist towards yourself" Hell. I mean. I knew this. I knew this since i was a teenager. But this is the first time I've heard someone say it and... it kinda hit me. Yeah.

"DO NOT HASAN PIKER ME!" I frequently remember this line, laugh, and immediately go on a short Philosophy Tube binge.

I really relate on the point about overperforming your agab before the egg cracks; for a while I wondered if all my complicated feelings about gender just came down to feeling like I was ugly or bad at being woman. I starved myself and wore skirts every day, but I was still miserable. I only started feeling less miserable when I was able to admit to myself that I wanted to be a man. (Which, wow, considering how much I would stress about gaining weight on my chest in particular I really feel like I could've figured it out sooner lmao) Great video as always. Thank you for posting, and I'm sorry it took me this long to watch it. Your work has been really good for as long as I can remember, and it's only getting better.

While the video was supposed to be about food, it's amazing how hard the exact same concepts hit me as a survivor of religious trauma and extremely fundamentalist religion. The unattainable ideal self. The sense of pleasure and superiority in self-denial. The psychology feels like it's exactly the same for some reason.

“I started at the bottom. I had just graduated Stanford” made me laugh way too much. So brave to tell the story of graduating from a top tier university that’s almost 120% more expensive than the average school in California. And it got funnier from there.

As someone who is now finally recovered from anorexia after three damn years, I wanna thank you so much for this video. I know finally understand what made it so addictive. It made me sort of feel superior to people around me even though I was extremely physically weak, probably weaker than anyone around me, but I still felt like the mentally strongest person in the room. It felt like restriciting myself made me a better person, even though it was the most self-centered thing to do, but I told myself that because I did it to myself and hurt no one else it was a morally good thing to do which sounds terrible know that I do some self-reflection without the intention of self-harm. Even in the worst moments, there was this thing I could rely on, this validation my disorder gave me, and that was it what stopped me from letting go of it, there was something comforting about it that made me enjoy the suffering. Now I‘ve reached the point where I try to find fulfillment in less destructive things, because yes @14-year-old-me, that is possible. And now, as I am understanding what makes destructivity appear desirable, I understand it and ,,indulge in it“ from time to time without the fear of entirely being controlled by it again and that is just making me feel free again.

Your American accent has gotten a lot better since "I love this guy! Do you want a free hotdog? Do you want to hold my gun?"

The most crucial thing I learned in trying to understand fatphobia is that it's not just about beauty. It's about ableism. Fatness is by no means a disability, but both fatphobia and ableism stem from the same idea: that a person whose body is not "healthy" or physiologically 'ideal', is intrinsically less valuable, both economically and socially. And we tied this idea to beauty and desirability to police ourselves by making it about personal happiness when it is primarily about reproductive and economic value.

"there is a dark, addictive pleasure to being a little fascist towards yourself." Abigail Thorn

I was originally gonna start this comment by saying "This might be weird, but..." and changed my mind because I don't think it's weird at all, but it meant a lot to see you eat that cake on screen. So, as much as it was for you as well, I appreciate it. Thank you!

"following the joy is always better than following the discipline"

As a psychologist, I'm always happy to see how Abigail is sensitive and has a incredible approach to promote social mental health by philosophically questioning the reality. I'm amazed by the high level of comments, I keep learning with everyone here. And Abigail's joy is so wonderful that her laughter at the end made my day. 🍰

"I was in labor but I'm not working" is such a brilliant line. Despite literally being called "labor," literally GIVING BIRTH AND CREATING ANOTHER PERSON is not as seen as "work" if it doesn't contribute to the standard of clout-gaining "work" set by this hustle culture. She interpreted "WHAT drives you?" as her driver, showing that she sees this service worker as a "what" and not a "who." Amazingly written, Abby.

ironically, or maybe not, this video has motivated me to work out, which i was going to skip today due to laziness lol i wish everybody could exercise in a way thats not straining without being judged. i've been affraid for so long to put myself out there and possibly be looked down by gym chads but truth is probably nobody cares about me and i'm acting like in a panopticon anyways. great video as always

I am SO glad you spoke on vegetarianism and disordered eating (~35:00). I went vegan a few years ago and until now thought I was one of very few who simply couldn't handle it because I was "weak". I was eating a third of the daily recommended caloric intake every day. I lost 20lbs in a month as a normal-weight person. But it wasn't veganism's fault. It was simply a slippery slope that my brain slid right on down. So thank you for helping me feel seen, not only on that particular point, but the entire video.

Can we all take a moment to appreciate the fact that Kelly Slaughter's interview was one-take? THE TALENT!!!

oh my lord... the ballad of Kelly Slaughter is the dead face of capitalism staring at you from its empty sockets.

'knowing that you're wrong, but believing it anyway' perfectly sums up (in my experience) the struggle of an eating disorder. You are constantly grappling with the societal ideals you have internalised from birth but these are simultaneously contradicted by the healthy, easy relationship you are expected to have with food. Every decision is a choice between which side you are willing to 'give in to', what is scientifically beneficial for your body or what is (apparently) beneficial for your self image and mind

28:42 literally me 1 and a half year ago... i feel like i saw myself in front of a (black) mirror... nowadays, i think that i'm being mentally better even though the shame i've felt towards myself and the anger i've felt towards the world is still there... i feel like i'm striving an unreachable ideal... and i don't know if i'm *supposed* to let go of my ideals and just be myself (whatever the self means) or if i'm *supposed* to follow my ideal to feel like i'm reaching a sense of "progress" or "maturation" i thought society needed more... but i don't know... and i feel like it is better not to know than to seek answers for endless questions and rumination.

I've had an eating disorder. Hearing Abigail say that part of what keeps you in an eating disorder is the pride that you're more "disciplined" than other women is so terribly true. I took strange pride in the feeling of starving. That I was stronger for it. I've gotten better but the thoughts still creep up on me

"I'm a feminist but not political" because we all know that the best way to get rid of systematic and societal misogyny is to change nothing at all... Great vid!

I am an ancient Roman in the audience and I deeply appreciate the inclusion

isn't it insane how deeply this video resonated with me, so much she shared about her own struggles hit me like a truck, i was so moved by all of it and yet - and YET... one of the loudest thoughts in my head, echoing through it again and again, was how i wished i would be like abigail in the sense of struggling with letting myself enjoy food. wished that i would be a person who finds more pleasure in denying myself food than consuming it. isn't it insane and sad. fantastic video and i hope everyone who struggles like that, myself included, can heal from it, no matter how much time it may take. let them have cake.

"Knowing that you're wrong but believing it anyway. It's called being English." Cuttin' me deep.

My experience with “being a little fascist to yourself” doesn’t involve food, but rather self harm. I’m autistic, and so I often struggle with social interaction. In middle school, I started a habit of scratching my arms with a pencil or biting my hands every time I “failed” a social interaction, so that I would “learn not to do it next time”. I had a wake-up call in the form of scratching my arms at work with a staple and realizing the marks weren’t fading like they did with the pencil. I spent the rest of the day terrified of judgement and realized this helped no-one, myself included. Thankfully, I’m starting to overcome this issue. Seriously though that line hit me like a goddamn truck

I write this as a person who has some very specific rules of online discourse. Most specifically, one should never mean harm when writing online, because not only is it nice to be nice, but because because it is the kindest to be kind without consequence. To hide that kindness away in pockets where one might never read is more powerful than to hide hatred and discust. So I write this as a landmine of love, acceptance, and a willingness to continue to learn and grow. I live in an OSDD system. I have the privelage of being it's Host, and therefore I enjoy a lot more body-time than my headmates. I have been somewhat obsessed recently with your journey... and this video in particular spark a powerful reaction. For context, we live in the body of a cisgendered (though that's kind of a funky thing in a dissociative system) white male. We live in America. A lot of our trauama was midwestern Christianity, so... we beg apologies toward any unintentioned misunderstandings based on these factors. I don't personally have the trans experience, but I have alters who do. But understanding your experience helps us inform the experiences that our Fiance is dealing with. For that we all thank you. I don't have any form of body dismorphia.... as Host, I feel really comfortable with the body I've been dealt with... but because I've watched at lot of videos of yours lately, I've been thinking about this... disconnect to the body and the self. It's not just your videos, really... it's also... the fact that I share in my alters' experiences. They know this body doesn't look like they actually are... and they know that I feel the closed to the body.... But when we drive the body together... I can feel what they feel and it's uncomfortable sometimes. I can feel their bodies. The subtle differences of the fact that their bodies don't conform to the phsyical realities. I want to make them more comfortable. I want them to feel at home, because this body is their home too. The middle ground is... not suitable for everybody...And then I know this wonderful person, outside of our system. And they're going to marry us soon. And they are non-binary and I want to celebrate the dissolution of genders with them, because that is where they feel safe in their own bodies. But their bodies are not mine...and I don't know what it is to live in a body that isn't mine... only what it means to live in a body that is mine... and also doesn't conform to the reality of the various minds that live in that body. All in all, I guess I mean to say you give us a lot to think about, which I presume was your goal when creating a platform based on philosophy. I have... let's call them interesting places to think... and I worry about harm and care and the face that bodies don't conform to minds...and I have, over these few videos, watched your path. I've wathced your journey to finding yourself, both in body and in mind.... and I'm so very happy to see a person more and more happy each day. And this very video is about the fact that body and mind won't always agree or disagree... sometimes for political reasons... and I just have to say... Thank You. Thank you so very much for making me think carefully. Thank you so much for making me think at all (I'm American, so that's just a lovely thing to do at all). i just want to say Thank You because a person living who they are so publically can mean the world to a person who's scared to live so publically. And... I don't know all the reasons why I should say Thank You. But I will say Thank You. And I will hide it in an ages old video's comment section. And I hope you do spend the time to read it one day. And I hope you feel Thanked. America is going through this thing right now where I might not get to marry the person I love legally unless I do it in the next couple of month... so we're going to do it in the next couple of months. We haven't been together long, but I know this is the person for me (They've already committed to being with everybody in the system who is open to dating). You are part of making that bravery possible. It might be foolhardy, too... but it is also bravery. I just want you to know....you help me be brave to live who I am with my Love. I just want you to know that, if you happen to read this one day. Have a good day.

I come back to this video constantly especially since in 2020 I had a bit of trans awakening that made me reevaluate the horrors i'd been facing in my own sense of self. I always dressed overly feminine. I never wore pants and if i did people assumed i was having a bad day. I constantly was in dresses and lolita anime like fashion and hardest part growing up was constantly being accused of having a eating disorder. I have a naturally thin body that just won't put on weight and I eat so slow that my food is usually cold by the time I finish and school lunch breaks were so short I just didn't see the point in lunch most the time. It actually stresses me out because people have told me 'you must have a disorder' or my parents would accuse me of purposely choosing not to eat when i'd just forget. I'd be forced to sit down and eat a large meal and I'd be monitored because 'i could have a disorder'. I have been told constantly I have the ideal 'feminine body' and it always felt wrong and I never understood why. I had an obsession with gaining weight and mass because I was so tiny and meanwhile friends I had with actual severe cases of eating disorders would tell me I was being a little silly for wanting to gain weight. When I put all of this in a trans perspective I suddenly find myself realizing how much of myself was based in a fear of being othered more than I already felt I was. This horror of being an outsider and being the wrong kind of woman without even realizing it. The internalized fears of looking too jewish after certain traumas faced in a racist elementary school and needing to be loud or comedic in order to not be a threat or nail to be hammered down. An obsession with certain types of men but not being attracted to them and not wanting relationships... I don't know what to say more other than this video made me go: Oh. It all makes sense now. Oh. So that's normal. That I can eat my cake and not feel wrong. I can just eat.

I know this is by and large talking about fatness as women experience it, but as a man who has been fat for just about as long as I can remember, this spoke to me quite deeply. For most of my life, I've felt like a non-entity because I'm fat. More than being disqualified from gender I just... I felt disqualified from practically all social interactions. I felt, still feel often, that I shouldn't be perceived, that I was not a person that should be befriended or loved or desired. I felt, and still often feel, repulsive, off-putting, lucky to only be ignored. And when I did end up getting attention, it scared me. It didn't make sense, it made me think I was being made a joke of, pranked or something. Even now, as a grown man, sometimes getting positive attention from people feels wrong, it makes my heart race and I find myself looking for the nearest exit. I still struggle with the self-esteem problems from growing up like that. The shame is powerful, I think a lot of folks don't realize just how powerful it is. It has defined and controlled the vast majority of my life thus far, and I'm not fully out from under its shadow.

When I was 13, after church, I overheard a member chatting with the rest of the woman about her childs' weight, she expressed concern over her child, stating that "she was too chubby" and even admitted to wanting to restrict the breastfeeding she did because she didn't want her "baby girl to grow up fat". Her child was barely a year old, it really messed me up hearing something like that. I hope that everyone can reach the point where they can eat their slice of cake.

"There are things I would like to change about my body, but I'm much happier with it than I was before. And I got there by following the joy." I needed to hear that, thank you

Also, one of the things that I feel goes unnoticed when discussing dieting and self-restriction is the role of family environment (and also friends). It's not just that Miss whats-her-face said that you should eat less on the cover of Vouge, it's that most women you know and love follow this type of behavior. And you watch how much happier they are when they loose weight, and then how much they hate themselves when the weight comes back on. It even happens sometimes that our first restrictive diet came from "worried family members". It's one thing to talk about external pressure in the form of institutions such as the government. But when the discourse is reproduced by the people you interact with everyday, the issues becomes all the more emotionally loaded.

As a linguist: The American accent with the vocal fry during the Fierce Interview is absolutely mind-melting. As a recovering anorexic: Seeing you eat that cake brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.

When I was a teenager and still identified as a cis women, I could see that being fat resulted in people denying me womenhood. I was never particularly bothered by it, and now I know it's because I never wanted womenhood in the first place. But when you are able to put womenhood aside you realize it was never about denying gender - it was about dehumanization. I've been fat my whole life. I never felt human, I was always less than human, a monster, a blob, a creature that I should be grateful other people tolerated. I knew that fatphobia was bad and fat had nothing to do with a value of a human being. But, as I wasn't human being that rule didn't apply to me. When you don't have gender to lose, they'll take your humanity.

It made me so genuinely happy to see you eat that slice of cake, especially after you having been brave enough to say how you fear it despite knowing that rationally you shouldn't. Thank you so much, and well done!