The REAL Reason I'm Never Having Kids as an Amputee...

Рет қаралды 201,477

3 жыл бұрын

People ask me in just about every Q&A and livestream if we're planning on having kids - and here is my real, honest answer. 💜
Adorable puppy videos if this isn't the subject for you today:
• Funniest & Cutest Germ...
------------------------------------------------
WANT TO SUPPORT THIS CHANNEL? //
PATREON: / jobeckwith
Thank you SO much for considering supporting my channel! You can check out our Patreon community above!
If you’d like to chip in as a one-time donation, I truly appreciate that more than you know, and you can find the ability here: paypal.me/footlessjo
CAMEO (have me send you or a loved one a personal video message!) www.cameo.com/footlessjo!
MERCH!
teespring.com/stores/footless...
SPEAKING
Want me to come and speak at your event, conference, meeting, panel, or school? Fill out this form to submit a request!
www.footlessjo.com/book-jo
THANK YOU so much!
---------------------------------------------------
CONNECT WITH ME //
Instagram: / footlessjo
Twitter: / footlessjo
Facebook: / footlessjo
Tik Tok: @FootlessJo
My Website: www.footlessjo.com
My 2nd Channel, @Trauma Talk : / jo2am
----------------------------------------------------
CONTACT ME //
MY P.O. BOX:
Jo Beckwith
3578 Hartsel Drive #615
Colorado Springs, CO 80920
E-MAIL ME:
www.footlessjo.com/contact
----------------------------------------------------
MY STORY //
Fourteen years of pain and failed ankle surgeries brought me to 2018, when I made the difficult decision to become a twenty-seven-year-old below-the-knee elective amputee. This channel is to document my journey of amputation surgery, recovery, and reclaiming my life.
MY PROSTHETIC LEG:
I use the Ossur ProFlex XC Torsion foot/ankle with a direct socket with passive vaccum suction.
MY AMPUTATION STORY - IN VIDEO:
Why Did I Lose My Leg? • HOW I BECAME AN AMPUTE...
How I Said Goodbye To My Leg: • COME WITH ME ON A GOOD...
Seeing My Amputated Leg for the First Time: • Seeing my amputated le...
Day in the Life of an Amputee: • A Day in the Life of a...
----------------------------------------------------
MY EQUIPMENT //
Camera - Canon EOS M6 (Video Creator Kit): amzn.to/2OVcjim
Camera Mic - Rode VideoMic: amzn.to/33FPanU
Sitting Mic - Blue Yeti Mic: amzn.to/33GJOsW
Gorilla Pod: amzn.to/32oGWjU
Ring Light: amzn.to/2nTRBEr
MY MUSIC & CREDITS //
The music contained in this video can be found at Artist.io - artlist.io/Jordan-293378
The End Credit music is “Summer Snow” by Low Light/Nick Kingswell
Thank you so much for listening - you make a real difference in my life, you enable me to be able to do what I love, and I am beyond grateful!
Some of the links above may contain affiliate marketing
#amputee #amputationstory #doallamputeesthinkthesame

Пікірлер: 2 500

@d14551 3 жыл бұрын

"I don't want to be a mom." And that's a perfectly valid reason, no more needs to be said.

@bowendevin2070 2 жыл бұрын

I know Im kind of off topic but does anyone know of a good site to stream newly released tv shows online?

@kaysenterry9642 2 жыл бұрын

@Bowen Devin Flixportal =)

@bowendevin2070 2 жыл бұрын

@Kaysen Terry thank you, I signed up and it seems to work :D I really appreciate it !

@kaysenterry9642 2 жыл бұрын

@Bowen Devin glad I could help :)

@Efran19786 2 жыл бұрын

@@bowendevin2070 One that I know of is called Plex

@thelazysewist4737 3 жыл бұрын

After our first child we got so so many questions about when we were having another baby and after 8 years and 4 miscarriages we finally had another boy. And no sooner then he was born we were asked if and when we were going to have a girl. Two years after that we had twins one boy and a girl and then we were asked if we had a tv and why we weren't on birth control. I have learnt that it doesn't matter what your situation is there will be people, friends, family and strangers who feel the need to comment and they don't seem to care how tactful they are or aren't.

@andrewsld 3 жыл бұрын

Ugh. People are so ridiculous.

@thomaszimmermann5408 3 жыл бұрын

This is SOOO true and so sad at the same time. My wife and I really wanted Kids, but we found out we couldn't. So, we got the same questions as her: When will you have children? People are so inconsiderate of what their questions can cause in the people they ask. When we were over the fact and sort of comfortable with how things are, I sometimes took this as an opportunity to teach people that it is none of their concern. I "played" offended, blurted out that we can't for medical reason in a way that bystanders could hear it and know the other person just asked an inconsiderate question...

@catlover7770 3 жыл бұрын

I am still young but I know everything about babys and children but my mum always says to me when you have kids, when you have kids, when you have kids and what's always on my mind is what if I dont want kids what if I cant have kids what if I'm single and dont want a husband and kids would be to much if it was just me living alone so I feel like I have to have kids if I can when I'm older because my mum always talks about when I have kids but after waching this video I realized I dont have to have kids so this video real,y helpedcme

@debralum9118 3 жыл бұрын

Ouch! People have foot in mouth disease sometimes!

@maureenogorman8740 3 жыл бұрын

@@debralum9118 like saying that comment to a person with no foot probably qualifies.

@SummaGirl1347 2 жыл бұрын

Best line I've ever heard about this issue: "I love tigers but, I wouldn't want to own one". The most frustrating thing for me is how other women treat you. It's like they think: "Well, you don't have children so, we have nothing in common so, there is no reason for us to be friends." #Childfree

@lambdaman3228 2 жыл бұрын

> "Well, you don't have children so, we have nothing in common so, there is no reason for us to be friends." This is pretty much right. It's okay to be frustrated by it, but a mother has very little in common with a non-mother they just met. Having a child is one of the most transformative things a person can choose to do in their life. So much so that it leaves you little in common with your past pre-child self, let alone a pre-child stranger you could make friends with. That's one of many reasons people get depressed after having children. It's like your old self kind of disappears and you transform into a 24/7 caregiver. Not exactly friend making material.

@wendybird1824 2 жыл бұрын

@@lambdaman3228 if being a mother is all that a woman has going for her... the only thing that interests her... ohh she needs therapy and a hobby. a woman can have friends and be a mother. as a childless woman who has plenty of female friends with kids. this way of thinking is somewhat obtuse.... and i don't mean that in a mean way.

@lambdaman3228 2 жыл бұрын

@@wendybird1824 Of course you're a childless woman telling women with children that they need therapy and a hobby. It's fine if you don't have children, but don't pretend you know what it's like or that you can judge women who do. You don't and you can't. You aren't out making mom friends, you're keeping friendships alive that were mede before children.

@jadecoolness101 2 жыл бұрын

What's even worse is the mothers who don't have a complete elitism complex over non-breeders. At least the ones you mentioned have the decency to tell you their attitudes straight up (women are only worth their time if they're also breeders) But then the ones that ARE willing to be friends with you expect you to be a free babysitter because "well it's not like YOU have ACTUAL responsibilities like ME!" Honestly just avoid them all.

@baddieMario77 2 жыл бұрын

@@jadecoolness101 do u even love ur mom

@ChristopherCLindner 2 жыл бұрын

As a 36 year old dude, I definitely do get this question. I'm at the age where most of my friends have kids now, and have made comments ranging from (unprompted) "well it's okay if you don't want kids" to (again, totally unprompted) "maybe you can date someone younger and still have kids - you never know!" Some folks will ask me if I want kids, and respect my answers usually, but some folks have given me the whole "your life is meaningless until you have kids" speech. The most intense was my mother, who sobbingly told me one day that all her friends have grandkids, and it was "unfair" that she will never get to be a grandmother. That being said, I think the conversation is different for dudes. I think we get it less than women, and there's less judgement if I just say I straight up don't want kids. Men aren't necessarily expected to want kids. To that point, I really do like kids and even went to school to be an elementary teacher at one point. I just don't want my own at this point in my life. Amusingly, back then, people would give me weird looks and ask me "don't you want to teach high school?" when I'd tell them, because teaching elementary is apparently unacceptable as a dude. Sometimes you can't win with people and just gotta live your life the way you want.

@jessa.4529 3 жыл бұрын

"This bloodline dies with me" is always a good reply.

@KristiContemplates 3 жыл бұрын

That's the line I've given my children to use whenever someone asks them why they're not having kids of their own (none of them want to procreate)

@8e11e 3 жыл бұрын

Will be using this now.

@curiousfirely 3 жыл бұрын

A response I heard was 'I promised my first born to an evil wizard, and don't want to make good on the deal.'

@23Firedude 3 жыл бұрын

Your reasons for not having children are personal and you and your husband don’t owe anyone an explanation why you don’t have children. MYOFB would be my response to anyone who asks me.

@kyaraAthena 3 жыл бұрын

Oh geez!!! I need to use this line next time I get the question!

@Shannonkay2023 3 жыл бұрын

I remember saying this to my brother the day my niece was born: “I don’t want kids, but thank you so much for making me an aunt!” Works for me! ♥️

@pawprints1986 3 жыл бұрын

Same!! You get your dose of kids but then they also go home 😉 perfect middle ground!

@Mica1 3 жыл бұрын

This is going to be me this summer!

@timandshannon03 2 жыл бұрын

That's a great response! Auntie and Uncle is the next best thing! You get the cool moments, but ultimately you can go home. I'd much rather see a happy Aunt or Uncle vs a miserable Mom or Dad.

@erinbanana22 2 жыл бұрын

I love that response. It's not demanding, it's putting the focus on your excitement for their new child and takes that expectation off of you by saying what you don't want. Love it.

@GoddessOfThree 2 жыл бұрын

I would LOVE to be an aunt! I can hang with kids *only when I want to,* and *because* I want to not because I have to, and grow old surrounded by younger familial generations, without having to actually have a baby or raise a kid or do any of the "mom" things I don't want to do (which is literally every single one of them). A little dose of kids here and there is great. Being deadass responsible for one is not (to me). So let me babysit my family members' kids once in a while and then send them home and we'll call it a win-win 🙏

@Oopsiees 2 жыл бұрын

I dealt with this for awhile. Then at 30 years of age I just up and got my tubes tied. My family gave me so much grief and still 5 years later lecture me on how I made a huge mistake. My husband and I are elated we don't have to worry as much about getting pregnant since we simply never wanted to be parents.

@chuckg2016 Жыл бұрын

@Oopsiees People should both respect and admire your honesty. This is one of those intensely personal choices.

@jmas2312 Жыл бұрын

No problem, honey. You don’t have to. ❤

@jayare6804 Жыл бұрын

It's a shame you didn't have the support from your family, but it's really admirable you stayed true to yourself.

@markpalka6382 3 ай бұрын

I admire your honesty! Some people are simply not parent material! And the grief that your family gave you was uncalled for!

@RealRickCox 2 жыл бұрын

I love kids. Never intended on having any of my own. But then my fiance got pregnant... and I absolutely LOVE my son. So while he wasn't planned, he's loved. Something I think *EVERY* couple that doesn't want kids should discuss is how they would handle it if there's an accidental pregnancy. Better to have that conversation early in the relationship. If there's disagreement on that, it will cause huge issues down the road.

@Teetuetenmogli 2 жыл бұрын

Yes! Thank you!

@clueless_cutie 2 жыл бұрын

Yeah we're certain we aren't having it if it can be helped.

@eccentricvillain 2 жыл бұрын

I really like how you said this. It is entirely valid to not want kids and you don’t put that down. While also raising the very important point that you should still have a plan if accidents happen.

@LilaEule2023 2 жыл бұрын

While i totally agree with you, that everyone should have that conversation, there are many womans out there, which say they would get an abortion (and really mean that) but than can´t do it, when they are actually pregnant. And thats totally okay and the choice of the woman! I just wanted to say - reading your comment - that every men should keep that possibility in mind. (And probably every woman too)

@jadecoolness101 2 жыл бұрын

Couple that doesn't want kids > accidental pregnancy. No discussion needed, abort it.

@misterj597 2 жыл бұрын

“I don’t think you need people who don’t want kids having kids.” Omg, thank you for saying this. There are too many people having kids that shouldn’t be having them or doing so out of some sort of obligation. I have no problem with anyone who doesn’t want kids. You do you and don’t t let anyone get you down for it.

@brattrox2939 2 жыл бұрын

The only problem I have with people who don't want kids is with the ones who have kids anyways.

@JShdwstar 2 жыл бұрын

This is because of restrictive policies by authoritarian leadership in places like #florida , #texas , and other *R* class politician states. If you are rich then it doesn't matter they can have those abortions, Plan B, and other healthcare service; but for the rest of the citizens who don't have the resources they can't afford it. It's a blatant overstepping of their power. When politicians are demanding to control what happens in your bedroom it's time to dump them from your government. They want to control every aspect of your life, and if they can control what happens in someone's bedroom that is the ultimate proof they have control over every aspect of your life, thus they are now #cult leaders.

@camomoose1078 2 жыл бұрын

@@JShdwstar Ok. You called rebublican politicians authoritarian cult leaders. You said people that dont want kids having them is their fault, that they force them upon the poor and that they controll what happens in the bedrooms of their countys inhabitants. But you havent named anything concrete that could proove the stuff youre saying. You gotta provide evidence mate. Otherwise you sound like a nutjob. (Im not even saying youre wrong, im not american so ive got no clue, i just whant you to back up your claims. Name a legislation and its effects, you dont even need stats, just please, give the people reading this something to work with)

@justcurious1146 2 жыл бұрын

I agree. I have 3 grown kids and none of them want kids but 1 did have one and thats great plus he is a great dad even if it wasnt planned.

@zylleeon8921 2 жыл бұрын

I've had people respond to my "I don't want kids" with "You will once you have them!" What even, I'm not going to create a human being on the off chance that I'll change my mind and want to spend 20 years parenting it!

@stacyhoefert7979 3 жыл бұрын

There’s no point in asking someone when they are having kids. You can just assume the answer will be one of the following: 1) don’t want kids & don’t need to justify it to you 2) want kids, but not now 3) currently pregnant & don’t want you to know 4) struggling with fertility or pregnancy loss

@Andrea-lk6qq 2 жыл бұрын

thank you for this list. So many people forget that pregnancy loss, health issues, and fertility issues exists.

@kevinfox500 2 жыл бұрын

I'm in that last group. Met my wife, she has a daughter, and it was a package deal. No regrets, except missing the first 4 years. Enjoyed the 21 since.

@tink_a 2 жыл бұрын

5) struggle to find a partner who wants to start a family.

@AnnaLVajda 2 жыл бұрын

Well I think it's just considered casual conversation too I can't recall how many people asked me about kids in my 20s even my Mom was like when are you going to have kids I was like well I don't even have a boyfriend so ... as if it does not take two lol. Some women don't plan on them then birth control fails or the "clock" starts ticking mid thirties and hormones encourage them suddenly...

@kevinfox500 2 жыл бұрын

@@tink_a or find one that obsesses on it, and drops you after 6 years, and no kids, rather than bring up both of us going in to get tested. Welcome to my first marriage. First clue was, she called to tell me she was pregnant, after having left months earlier. Got tested, and Yep, I was the problem. When you want one, well, that's pretty devastating. Even more so once.you start.dating again, because when do you bring that up? When do you decide to pull the pin on that grenade, and risk ending a relationship that's going well? (Yes. Happened a couple times.) Met my second wife anoit the time the first one's eldest was born. Used to watch him for her sometimes. Ended up coming clean with her early on, as she had a daughter. One I loved dearly, and I didn't want to lose them. Turned out she was, and still is, fine with just one. A case of, if that 1 in a trillion comes up, great. If not, one is plenty. That was 20 years ago. Still only one, and my godson. Both are mine where it counts, even if they are not blood. Was there for his birth, and before, because my ex and I took his mom in when she was pregnant, after.dad split. Until age.4, when his dad came along, I was Dad. Still am in many ways. I tell people I have 2 kids. Neither one did I have a part in creating them, but one I raised the first four years of his life, the other, I met when she was 4.

@SweetXDarkchild 2 жыл бұрын

Wow this is really good timing. I was literally walking through my house, cleaning, and this wave of sadness came over me because both my husband and I don't want kids. But making that decision is hard at times. We just don't want kids. But every time someone asks do you have kids/when are you having kids, why do they almost always follow up with "you'll change your mind". It's frustrating. My entire life I've struggled to find my own voice and make decisions for myself though I had people always encouraging me to do so. Now that I've made a decision with my husband, it feels like everyone is back pedaling saying "nope, wrong decision, try again". So thank you. We don't HAVE to have kids and I really needed to not feel alone in that right now.

@silverghostcat1924 Жыл бұрын

Two good responses, "No, I won't" or "Why should I?" Early on at 20 I decided I didn't want kids. When asked why I always said "I don't have the patience for kids". Of course they came back with,"You'll learn". To which I replied, "And if I don't?, Who's going to suffer?. It won't be me." Just because people have the ability to have children doesn't mean they should. Too many now that can procreate, but can't nurture.

@laurenstoler6889 2 жыл бұрын

The way your dog comforts you when you told the story is so heartwarming ❤️❤️❤️

@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 2 жыл бұрын

Lol 😂 he wants treat 😡 go outside of your little imaginary mind

@Gumbier_Than Жыл бұрын

Sophie seems to be a sweetheart.

@tombuck 3 жыл бұрын

I teach high school and I love my students, but they go home at the end of the day. It’s great. 👍

@constancemc 3 жыл бұрын

Best comment ever. That's fantastic. People have that misconception that if you don't want kids, it means that you "hate children". Nah, kids or teens are fun. A few hours here and there.

@hayleymarse2853 3 жыл бұрын

I teach mostly pre-K but some elementary school aged kids and I love them all but it is such a relief to send them to their parents

@azelfa423 3 жыл бұрын

That's amazing! I feel the same way about my nieces and nephews.

@eliannamorello8257 3 жыл бұрын

Hahaha!!!!!!!

@lisa-mariegray5510 3 жыл бұрын

Totally! I love my grandkids to bits but I also love it when they go home! 😊

@m.c.mcgrath8690 3 жыл бұрын

"I don't want kids" IS a valid reason! I work with kids as teacher and, and have other kids in my life who I am truly grateful for, BUT...does that mean I want kids of my own? Not now, maybe not ever - and if I do there's fostering and adpotion.

@LieutenantSheep 3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely! It’s like, do I like dogs? Sure. But I don’t want a dog haha. I know babies aren’t dogs but it’s kind of the same concept

@CJ-bu8mh 2 жыл бұрын

Wow, so refreshing as an older lady to hear a young woman speak with such honesty and clarity on this delicate and personal subject. You are definitely not alone. I was married in 1971, right when Ellen Peck's book came out: The Baby Trap. It was how Madison Avenue advertising distorted the reality of being a mom and that it was not desired by some and women needed more honesty in what parenthood really entailed. My husband and I chose to be child-free and our personal reasons were no one's business! We joined a group called NON - National Organization for Non-Parents. We were a poster couple for interviews in Esquire magazine and the Sunday magazine of a big city newspaper. I sobbed when seeing the Esquire article ... title was heartbreaking: Do Americans Suddenly Hate Kids? That was the opposite (!!!) of what we felt and conveyed to the interviewer, who later I learned was a Catholic. He would have been unable to ever accept that a couple has the right to choose for themselves. You Go Girl and stay strong! Just before seeing this video (a new subscriber as of today) my cousin and I said, yet again to each other, how glad we both are that we made that choice decades ago. Yes, even with ridicule and constant questioning by others, with audacity IMHO. However, I have been known to be a very nice Auntie, a role I love and cherish. I did make a difference in my professional and personal life in ways that did not involve having children. Not all of us want to be parents.

@kyrab7914 7 ай бұрын

I really appreciate hearing your perspective. Also childfree, and smthn I find is a reason in a lot of ppl's lists is literally concern for the hypothetical child. Like even if one is capable of being a good parent, I think not wanting the child is an awful thing to put on a child. And sometimes ppl know they would make bad parents and *that's okay*. Like we have 8 BILLION ppl, we really honestly don't need more. And it's interesting to see organizations for the CF! I also v often hear a sense of alienation from ppl bc there's just not v many places where childfree ppl can be honest and not harangued by society.

@CJ-bu8mh 7 ай бұрын

Thank you, I appreciate your commentary too. Being an old lady now, and not meeting any new people who ask if I had ever been married or had kids, I find that a benefit these days. Even meeting many new neighbors over the decades no one has asked me. I was bombarded with the the "When are you going to have kids?" question for a long time when I was an already married teenager and then as a young adult.

@Caitanyadasa108 2 жыл бұрын

It always baffles me when people ask such personal questions to total strangers. AS IF you owe them an explanation of any kind.

@JillUdart 3 жыл бұрын

Here's a good one: After I got married, I put on a few pounds. People at work were like "OH MY GOD WHEN ARE YOU DUE?" and I would say - "Not pregnant, just fat"

@KristiContemplates 3 жыл бұрын

Oh, yeah. I've heard that, a lot

@MariaMendes-eh8by 2 жыл бұрын

The exact same thing happened to me. Funny thing was that I was underweight. Went from like 110 to like 120 lbs ( I'm 5ft 8"). My hubs and I worked at the same place and people started congratulating him b/c some crazy lady was telling people we were pregnant. I confronted her and could no longer stand her afterwards.

@goodmorning2386 2 жыл бұрын

Here’s one that I’ve used a few times “The father is McDonalds” I don’t even eat McDonald’s often, but it gets the point across and I think it’s funny Edit: also sometimes I say “this is a food baby”

@MJFish 2 жыл бұрын

Hahaha so I got the opposite… I got pregnant right away after getting married, and someone I worked with heard me mentioning my husband said my dress made me look like a pilgrim and we’re laughing and he says, “at least he doesn’t day you look pregnant.” We all stopped and stared at him and I asked him what he meant. “Because you’ve let yourself go… since you got married.” Yes… that was horribly rude also. 😂

@alexandragomez2179 3 жыл бұрын

I have children by birth, children in Heaven, a child by adoption and children in my care through foster care. Thank you for posting this. The reasons are your own and you have every right to this choice. The world needs people that are not parents and children need parents that are passionate about being parents!

@bruceheitkamp1724 3 жыл бұрын

Beautifully said

@Shannonkay2023 3 жыл бұрын

Bless you. ♥️ I hope to adopt someday.

@jeepwran 2 жыл бұрын

As a male, I never felt pressured or even recall being asked if I planned to have kids. We discussed having children very early in our relationship (it would likely be difficult) and that neither of us recalled childhood as being something we'd like to revisit vicariously. The idea of adoption was definitely there early on but in the end we've been perfectly happy to be parents/caretakers of our own and other's four legged kids.

@summonsays2610 2 жыл бұрын

My mom was so pushy about having grandkids that one time when I was in college she suggested I have a one night stand to achieve it..... not kidding.

@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 2 жыл бұрын

You don't have family 😡, that's the reason

@kristineensor1898 2 жыл бұрын

I got this question through my 20s and 30s. When I had my daughter at 40 I thought my friends and family were going to have a parade. It's ridiculous how much focus people put on this. Being a mom is wonderful and exhausting. I don't regret it and I definitely don't regret waiting.

@kristineensor1898 2 жыл бұрын

@Bob so am I. I'm in my 40s not 80s.

@katesclabassi3857 2 жыл бұрын

@Bob my aunt was 27 when she had my cousin, she has told me it's still exhausting at that age

@anitavaughn1968 3 жыл бұрын

My son is 28 years of age. He doesn’t want kids because he doesn’t want the responsibility of taking care of them. He has high functioning autism and made the decision before his diagnosis. He was misdiagnosed ADHD as a child. He’s an awesome guy. He said he’d be content as the fun loving uncle.

@GoddessOfThree 2 жыл бұрын

I also have high functioning Autism! And ADHD. But I've never considered my diagnoses as playing a role in my decision. I also just don't want the responsibility that comes with being a parent, and I'm perfectly happy to enjoy my siblings' and/or friends' potential kids rather than ones of my own. I'm sure if I magically ended up with a child like the virgin Mary, I'd love the kid and do my best to treat and raise them well and with the attention and prioritization they deserve. But it would be really fucking hard for me and I'd never get to express that because they wouldn't deserve to feel hurt by knowing that. But it WOULD be hell for me, and the best way to handle that is to... well, just prevent it in the first place 😂 problem solved lol

@scotishjohn 2 жыл бұрын

Great idea

@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 2 жыл бұрын

Loser 😡

@maltie123 3 жыл бұрын

Jo I almost teared up when you said.. "I don't want to be a mom." I feel the same way.. I don't want children because I just DON'T WANT CHILDREN, and I LOVE that more women are talking about this! Thank you for this and for all the individuals in the comments! I'm a 28 yr old woman who is childfree by choice and plan to stay that way 😊💕

@SmillyDonut 3 жыл бұрын

I also, just don't want children, among other things. You are absolutely not alone.

@tazhorse 3 жыл бұрын

Natalie Steffl I too never wanted children. My husband also did not want kids so we are very happy. No regrets. Celebrated our 30th anniversary last week. Still no regrets. We spoil our niece and nephew and that is enough for us. We are both active sports minded and keep busy in retirement with so much. We are not lonely. We are fortunate. I would rather have never had kids and regret then have kids and regret having kids.

@just_another_account8089 3 жыл бұрын

Same, I love my furbabies, but I don't want children.

@Michelle-sw9uj 3 жыл бұрын

Yes! Why is it so horrible not to like children? So many old folk's children leave them in an old age home never to visit, so what is the point in having them for insurance if they might not look after you in the end? What a waste!

@davidsmock8235 3 жыл бұрын

I bet you are glad your parents wanted children. Just saying.

@leahfairs2392 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the video Jo! I appreciate that you are providing validation to simply not wanting kids to be enough. My husband and I don’t have kids, and I sometimes get this kind of thing. I have Crohn’s disease as the worst of several health problems, and was mentioning to a coworker about going medication for my recently diagnosed ADHD. She said something like “make sure it won’t interfere with having kids! It’s something you and your husband will likely want soon.” I said something about us being a little older to start with me being 35 and him 39. I got this story back about a friend who had her first at 43 and the “your never too old” I had to snap back that “yeah, but maybe that’s not what we want!” I know people who have had kids in their mid 30s and mid 40s, and more us personally, we don’t want to do what they’re doing and be still supporting kids into our 60s, especially with all my health issues. I’m also a high school teacher, so I have about 100 kids per year, and I care a lot about my students, and I have nieces and nephews, so I can enjoy being a part of the community that raises children.

@bells_in_your_head 2 жыл бұрын

Tbh, that has been my response since I was 15….but then my mother expected me to get pregnant at 18 (I’m a lesbian) and when I told her I didn’t want kids, she told me I wasn’t going to be a real woman until I gave birth…..I think that fucked with my head because I’ve found myself “wanting” to get pregnant…but I do not want to be a mother. Idk. I’m working through a lot of childhood trauma, and this subject is very triggering for me Thank you for sharing this with the world….I appreciate you!

@shellysmith1256 3 жыл бұрын

I can’t have kids and it sucks. I wish people would be more sensitive like you.

@nikkiregister91 3 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear.

@Ashesinferno28 3 жыл бұрын

@ShellySmith Im really sorry, I hope that you have a good day and that you are proud of yourself for getting through the day (because its hard, ecspecially now)

@AF-ke9by 2 жыл бұрын

You put this so much nicer than I did.

@jacklenrandall6456 2 жыл бұрын

Sending you hugs!!!

@erinbanana22 2 жыл бұрын

Just start screaming it at the askers 😌 then watch them apologize for the next year. It worked on a cousin who decided to put herself in my womb just because she was able to have two back to back two years ago. Shut her up good.

@adamjhuber 2 жыл бұрын

8:58 we tried for years, multiple miscarriages, and a premature that passed at six months of age. During this time, we had many people ask us why we don’t have kids. “Well, see…..” In the end, we did have a child who is absolutely amazing.

@WifeWithoutKids 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for making a video about this. As someone who has never had the desire to be a Mom it's shocking how many people feel it is their right to pry, be judgmental and treat me differently because of a choice I've made that will never directly affect them. Kids should be wanted and not had out of social obligation because that's what everyone is "supposed to do."

@lijohnyoutube101 9 ай бұрын

Of course they should be wanted and of course it should not be an obligation. However why do you think its than odd to be judged? I think we should judge people that don’t want kids, like how does a human get THAT broken? Its a valid choice and kids are insanely hard so certainly don’t have them if you don’t have them. But it IS because something is broken.

@mimidavis2686 2 жыл бұрын

I have 3 children and 5 grandchildren and wouldn't change a thing about my life but I realize that not all people want this kind of life. Jo, you do you and don't ever be ashamed or concerned about what other people think.

@chevgage6210 2 жыл бұрын

I'm not an amputee, but I suffer chronic pain, full body migraines, a really intense autoimmune disorder, BPD, and schizotypal traits. I don't want to pass on my genetics without a solid structure to manage these issues. I am super open to adoption though. If I do adopt, I'd want to adopt a group of siblings (3 to 5) at risk of being split up in the system.

@MorriAelthyn 2 жыл бұрын

As someone with three autoimmune diseases and three kids, I can tell you it's freaking hard. I love them, and even if I *could* go back and not have them, I wouldn't. But if it weren't for my amazing husband they probably would have been taken from me at this point because of the number of times I've been too sick to take care of them. Plus, yanno, the whole guilt at knowing I've passed on these shitty genetics to them - even though I didn't know it at the time.

@camomoose1078 2 жыл бұрын

You can still fuck up kids without passing on your bad genes. Please dont adopt unless you are 200% certain that you will be able to keep your issues in check for around 20 years.

@uriel6018 2 жыл бұрын

stay safe you guys!

@Jesswithlessstress 2 жыл бұрын

I feel you. I don't want another human to suffer through the hell that is my life.

@cabipapcbc6602 2 жыл бұрын

I hope you luck if in case you adopt. I think it's an awesome way to improve the life of a child that does not have parents to raise them. You don't have to adopt or have kids tho, wish you a happy life anyway (even with your medical problems) I just really liked to see someome that would adopt a childs that are at danger to being split up by the sistem because that's isn't always the case (even tho is ok if someome choses the other way)

@SpindlesEnd2 3 жыл бұрын

Opposite situation, same thought process. My husband and I just knew we wanted kids, we wanted to be parents, and no one has ever asked me to justify that. The pressure on both of us was more specifically to have boy children. We chose not to find out the gender if our first child (apparently this is a more controversial decision that having kids in the first place!) and my father in law took to asking me how "his grandson" was doing, and referring to the baby as Butch. My dear husband finally asked him to knock it off which he respectfully did. Good thing too, as that baby was definitely a girl! So the pressure around having or not having kids is very real and takes many forms.

@TheBluestflamingos 2 жыл бұрын

God, how entitled does a person have to be to think they get to decide the gender of a child that isn't even theirs. Sorry you had to deal with that.

@isaacgates5859 2 жыл бұрын

@Julia M. Not just that, but also the name/nickname of the baby

@mattcizek3629 2 жыл бұрын

I'm a guy almost at 50 years old. I used to get pressure to have kids, mostly from my parents. Friends would ask but never pressure. Most pressure was from my father. I still don't have kids. I have nieces and nephews that I helped to raise. I don't feel that I've missed out at all. I love the honesty and sincerity in your videos. Keep up the great work and thank you for being you!

@kneumar717 2 жыл бұрын

I am a 30 year old woman, and I have been saying I don’t want kids since I was 12. I love when my friends have kids. I love the idea of being an aunt. I think it’s amazing you’re saying you just don’t want to be a mom. Thank you for just saying it as well because people make me feel like I am lesser than, just because I don’t want to be a mother.

@19irving 4 ай бұрын

I think people know when they're very young if they want kids or not. I knew by age 7; I'm 60 now and my attitude hasn't changed.

@anni7777 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video! I never understood why it's considered "selfish" not wanting to have kids. When people say the want kids, the sentence starts with "I want". That's just as selfish as not wanting kids. I've chosen to be childfree and I'm absolutely loving my life. Everybody should be able to make the choice most suitable to their lives and expectations.

@mimithemermaid3860 2 жыл бұрын

Actually, a lot of people have kids for selfish reasons. Many because they want someone to have unconditional love for them, which they’ve never had. Or they want children who will take care of them in their old age. Historically, many families had children in order to have free labor on the farm or to send them into the workforce at a very early age, quitting school, so they could help support the family. Thinking about it ahead of time and choosing not to have children, for whatever reason, is the opposite of selfish!!! 👍🏼🥰👋🏼

@steggopotamus 2 жыл бұрын

I can't be trusted to take care of myself. I think it would be irresponsible of me to try to add a helpless tiny human into that. That's not selfish, that's considerate.

@sarinafrohn6751 2 жыл бұрын

Its not selfich if you cant take care of a kid fore me i don t jave the monny to does that make me selfish no its me wanting the best fore the baby

@GoddessOfThree 2 жыл бұрын

Right?? Like, what are you withholding, and from whom, by not having kids? To whom do you have any kind of obligation to have kids? The hypothetical "future kid" who doesn't exist, and never has to? 🤣 It would be selfish to have a kid just because "that's what's done", or to meet some kind of expected societal status/standard, when you don't actually want them. If you have a kid, it should be because you genuinely want to for its own sake, and have the means to do right by that kid.

@mimiwills8610 2 жыл бұрын

I've heard that selfish before.

@Black-Swan-007 2 жыл бұрын

I recently found the subreddit r/childfree and it's been great to interact with. I knew I never wanted to be a mom. My biggest fear has always been getting pregnant. I've been on hormonal birth control since I was 14. When I was 24 I got sterilized and I was lucky enough to meet a man who was equally child free. We've been together for nearly a decade and it was known that we would never have kids even before we got married three years ago. It's not a sensitive topic for me and I don't get upset when I meet someone knew and they casually ask if I have any kids. I always just say, "No, that's not for me" and I'm thankful that I've never faced any kind of backlash for that. My sister struggles with her fertility. She's been pregnant five times but only given birth twice. I love my nephews to pieces but I would never want to _have_ them. I'll spend time with them at family events but that's about it. I don't really _like_ kids. I certainly don't want harm to come to them and my heart breaks for all the kids in the system who don't have loving homes. But I'm not the person to solve that issue. My four cats are my kids. They are my babies and I'd be lost without them. That's all I need.

@raywalker7029 2 жыл бұрын

I’ve always believed that the appropriate response to someone telling me that they don’t plan to have kids is ‘fair enough’. People have their reasons or they don’t and both are fine. My childhood best friend never had kids and I’ve never questioned it; why would I?

@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 2 жыл бұрын

You are loser 😡and afraid to being judged that's why you didn't question

@janecat8753 2 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad I'm not alone in this. For the longest time, I kept trying to come up with reasons to not have kids. Like I was justifying the choice, because I felt like I had to. But no, I just don't want kids. I don't like children, I never have, and I have no desire to be a mother. It took me a really long time to come to (and not to mention accept) this conclusion, but I got there in the end. Thank you for talking about this, I feel like it's an important message. ❤️

@claudiaah6603 2 жыл бұрын

Me too. I realized that it is not even a question of wanting or not wanting. It’s just not on my mind, ever.

@nikkivanwestrienen2050 3 жыл бұрын

I'm unable to conceive, I get those questions all the time. I enjoy making people uncomfortable by saying I can't have kids. When I say that, they realize how sensitive a question like that can me. It's our own lives. You're definitely valid in how you feel.

@stephaniejohnson8105 3 жыл бұрын

I have three daughters and I have always spoken in terms of “if that is your choice” or “if that is what your future holds”. Their lives are their choices-big and small.

@ASLTheatre 2 жыл бұрын

Straight male here: My wife often has told me of the questions she gets from others about why we only have 1 kid. She responds it’s hard to get pregnant. (She has a tumor in her brain that screws up her thyroid.) I never push her to have more kids. I always tell her I would love more but I am happy with the one we got. And the one we have is a miracle. I never push for a kid. I simply remind her to take her thyroid and depression medication.

@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 2 жыл бұрын

The real reason is you don't waana provide food to them 😡

@keyhimself3542 2 жыл бұрын

Your w I f e: I only have one. Society: You gotta at least have 2 so they 1 won't be lonely. Another w o m a n: I only have 11 Society: You gotta at least have a dozen. It never stops.

@-dusty_butterfly- 2 жыл бұрын

@@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 No, I’m *prettyy* sure it’s for a more serious reason.

@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 2 жыл бұрын

@@-dusty_butterfly- no you are not

@-dusty_butterfly- 2 жыл бұрын

@@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 “no you are not” This sentence *is* grammatically correct, but it’s wordy, and hard to read. Grammarly can help!

@js9248 2 жыл бұрын

I'm very late to this video, but as someone that always wanted kids and cannot have them, this hit home. You not wanting to be a mother is as valid as someone that wants kids. I finally started answering with a real answer of "I can't have them, and it's a painful subject, so thanks for that. Anything else you want to know about my life that is none of your business?" It tends to shut people up quickly. Brava to your friend for answering that way at one point. People need to start thinking.

@CaraTheStrange 2 жыл бұрын

Since I was old enough to understand the concept I knew I don’t want to be a mother. I’m glad it’s being discussed more that not everyone who can, wants kids.

@amberlynnroberson1961 2 жыл бұрын

Same

@MrTriked 3 жыл бұрын

I am a guy in my mid 50's and I still get asked by strangers and those that don't know me well if I have children. I usually just say not yet and that usually gets me a strange look.😄

@nakishabauer9806 2 жыл бұрын

Your video was shared through a child free page and OMG. as an amputee who just doesn’t want to be a mom, the comments on potentially fostering, adoption… I’ve never felt more seen, validated, heard. Thank you so much.

@jodiforrest9238 2 жыл бұрын

Loved this… I had people tell me I’d change my mind. I’m 53 and ZERO regrets.

@brookewilson9117 7 ай бұрын

I’m 29 and people have been pushing me to have kids since I was very young. I don’t want kids and will never have them. People tell me all the time I will eventually change my mind. But I feel fulfilled with my boyfriend and my dog. Very happy this way.

@jodiforrest9238 7 ай бұрын

@@brookewilson9117 it’s your life. You get to decide what will make you happy…

@patraic5241 3 жыл бұрын

On those occasions when a friend mentioned their preference to have kids or not I've been flattered at their trust. Otherwise I've never been curious. In other words it's none of my business.

@karagregory69 3 жыл бұрын

The dog was like, "Wait, you do have kids, ... Me! Am I not your baby?"

@carol-em2gv 2 жыл бұрын

sàme here

@colinhaney 2 жыл бұрын

That's a great point your friend makes, that it could be very hurtful for someone to be constantly reminded they CAN'T have kids, and so many of the expectations society places on people about what their goals SHOULD be are contingent on the assumption that those goals are actually attainable for EVERYONE, which is almost NEVER actually true.

@lovelylola20 2 жыл бұрын

AMEN!!! It’s insane how many times when I’ve told people I don’t want kids have called me selfish and that I’ll change my mind. I’m 27 and a few women in my family never wanted and never had kids, so for me it’s normal. I never expected the backlash of not wanting them. I’m not a kid person and I’m totally ok with that.

@tranquility9325 Жыл бұрын

Most ppl dont use logic. So they consider someone not wanting kids as "selfish" but someone who didn't want a girl so violently abused her, her entire life, perfectly ok? BTW, I was the unwanted girl. Abuse is overlooked bec ppl get stuck on trying to tell ppl what they should and should not be doing. We ain't running out of ppl any time soon.

@livrose3567 3 жыл бұрын

I’m a bisexual woman who has always wanted kids and for me it’s such an important part of my future life to become a mother and be pregnant and experience that. However, so many people have kids because they feel pressured to when deep down they don’t really want to be parents and then wind up resenting their kids or slightly regretting having them and I 100% respect that if a person doesn’t want kids for any reason at all, that’s their choice and I’d rather them just not have kids than have them and not enjoy being a parent because it’s not something they every truly wanted. Kids should be ideally born to people that want them wholeheartedly so it’s not fair to pressure people that don’t want kids into having them

@erictaylor5462 3 жыл бұрын

I have always wanted kids, but I gave up my chance when a lesbian couple, who were close friends of mine, asked me to father their child. I just had to be honest and admit I have a serious genetic defect that means any children I might have would have a much higher than normal chance of birth defects. They were disappointed about that because they said I was their only hetro-male friend who respected their orientation. I was just raised to believe it's rude to make a pass at a woman who has made it clear she is not interested. And yes, they were both very attractive.

@LieutenantSheep 3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely. There are few things more heartbreaking than seeing a kid love their parents and want to play w them and have their attention and the parent just really doesn’t want any part of that role

@poilaaliop 2 жыл бұрын

Also a bisexual cis woman, feel exactly the same way. I hope we're moving to a place where we put less pressure on people to have families. To be honest, I am a little jealous of proudly childfree folks... They'll be happier and richer over their lives, and they won't have to deal with the physical effects of pregnancy that leave many women struggling with their body image. However, my dream is to raise a family. Well, a kid. I don't think I want more than one.

@athenarocks7657 2 жыл бұрын

@Hxney Dew present and accounted for. I’m adopted lol

@kevinfox500 2 жыл бұрын

And I know a few who are.thankful of the ones that have them, don't want them, and are willing to place them up for adoption. One, an ex and a close friend, has her son because a friend couldn't keep him, and wasn't ready,.when he was born. Like me, she can't have one of her own. That boy is her world..

@meganrausch8396 2 жыл бұрын

"I don't want kids" is a complete sentence. That IS the reason, it doesn't have to be because of a reason, not wanting them is a reason. But also, NEVER ask anyone about family planning. Period!

@chesneymigl4538 2 жыл бұрын

I get frustrated enough to want to poke back with, but did you get pregnant every time you had sex? Unless they are the Duggers, I doubt it. So many years of therapy to finally figure what boundaries were and just how badly people feel compelled to cross them.

@dolomedestenebrosus9564 2 жыл бұрын

Lol yeah. I went through the same. I'm 37. I have always been aware that I didn't want to be a mom but didn't realize for a very long time that this, on its own, is a valid enough reason to give and that I wasn't the only one who felt that way. As a very young child one day I cried to my mom that I was so dreading having children one day, because I had it in my little head that I didn't have a choice. Of course lots of people told me I'd probably or definitely change my mind, but I am thankful to my parents for never pressuring me. But yeah just like you, Jo, I used to list all these reasons, each one on its own a valid one, to explain it to people. I still stand fully behind every one, but the truth is that even if everything was perfect and I didn't have a single "excuse", I would still make the same choice and it is the right choice. The decision to bring a human into the world to be raised by you should never be made lightly and "this is what people are expected to do, maaaybe AFTER I bring a life into the world It'll feel right, better count on that" is a disastrous reason to do it. What an awful thing, to be born and raised by a mother who doesn't truly want you. To choose what feels so wrong deep in your core just because other people tell you you'll suddenly feel totally different about it after making this irreversible, monumental decision, is to make the wrong choice and one of the worst things you can do both to yourself and others. Those people do not know your heart better than you do.

@Praetorian666 2 жыл бұрын

Well, Jo…first of all, once more, love the content, and I’m sorry I came to the party THIS late in the game, but oh, well… Regarding your question as to whether or not us cis-het men feel pressured into having children. Short answer? Yes. At least for me. This is my experience and results may vary from person to person. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but as a 36 year old Mexican, cis-het male, I do feel pressured into having children. I’m a doctor, and children have never been my priority. I’m not saying I’d NEVER have them, that if it does happen (either with the right or wrong person), then great, they’d be loved and cherished and welcomed into the world, but if it doesn’t? Meh, not great loss for me. And the pressure I feel is when my mother told me that after I told her about this and she talked with my father about it, he said: I was hoping the family name would carry on with him, but it’s something we can’t force him to do. I know this is, up to a point, emotional blackmail, but it is still hurtful, because I have two older sisters, and they’re both married and both have children; but here, even now, the family name carries through patrilineally (is that term correct?), and that’s what the whole fuss is about. And I have tried not to give in, because, even when it isn’t something that’d make me miserable, it isn’t something that’s a make-or-break deal for me. I want to see more, do more, be more. And it’s not like children are a barrier or something that’ll make it impossible for me to accomplish these goals, but it’d take you longer. Yes, this speaks of selfishness, but it comes to my career, yes, I am somewhat selfish, because at least for me, it has been a somewhat uphill battle to get to where I am. And then there’s the mental health issues. I have clinical depression and anxiety, and they know this; and still they persisted on pressing on the issue. They’ve stopped…for now, but surely it’ll come back again. I don’t want to break away from them, because they’re overall good people, and I know they want me to be happy, going so far as to talking between themselves about the whole children issue, that as long as I’m happy, it is all that matters…but is it? I’m sorry that their dreams aren’t my necessarily my own, and there was a time when I was much younger that I lived and died for their approval but not anymore. It’s tough facing the realization that your parents are becoming elderly, painfully human and even had to had face my father’s mortality once and realizing FOR A FACT, that they’re mortal and finite, just like me. Sorry, long rant just to say “yes.”

@tobysmom1111 3 жыл бұрын

I was asked the "kid question" nonstop until reached my late 40's and went into menopause. People stopped asking at that point because it was somewhat obvious I surpassed the "best if used by" date. I sailed through the next decade period- free (yay!!!) and child-free (even better!!!). Then much to my surprise I recently started getting asked about my non-existent grandchildren!!! I'm told how much I am missing out on by not having kids and grandkids, blah, blah, blah. Now I'm wondering what the next big question will be?!?! Criminy!!

@ariannaarredondo1641 2 жыл бұрын

Oh no, I’m sorry to hear this 🥺 some people just don’t respect.

@GoddessOfThree 2 жыл бұрын

I don't understand what people's goal is when they say "you're missing out", even if they strongly feel that way. Like, even if the person they're talking to were to agree, wouldn't that just make the person feel bad? Are they TRYING to make childless people feel bad for it??

@jurgnobs1308 2 жыл бұрын

but... you're tobys mom

@matheussanthiago9685 2 жыл бұрын

@@GoddessOfThree it's almost as if their grasp on their belief of ''having kids = good'' were so feeble, that they need to verbally push the narrative over in other to maintain it R. R. martin said it before, he who has confidence needs not to assert

@muriel5826 2 жыл бұрын

Wow, that’s so obnoxious. Are they just trying to ruin your day? Or are they saying it through gritted teeth, trying to convince themselves that their grandkids are not annoying them?

@oreotookie 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! I’m married with two kids, but never considered NOT having kids. I really wish I had. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and would probably would still have had them, but being raised the way I was, it just never seemed to be an actual option.

@svenjaj.3520 2 жыл бұрын

When I worked in an office, the questions about having babies bothered me. And then I understood that since most women want children, it was just a "polite" question or conversation. Just like discussing the weather or the buying of a new coat... It's so weird. And saying "never" just started some long and embarrassing silences

@mehranpritchard4314 2 жыл бұрын

I'm adopted and adopting is the GREATEST form of love there is...you are an amazing woman 🙏

@wg05954 2 жыл бұрын

As a father of a daughter (may she RIP), you are the greatest gift your father could have.

@annaburns2865 Жыл бұрын

That is so awesome to hear a man say. It’s so hard to navigate this world as woman and to be told that she was put on this earth to give grandchildren to father was so condescending. I mean, I know you get it, but very few people do. Please keep sharing that positivity. This is why songs about a close father daughter relationship like “butterfly kisses” got so popular. Because it’s so rare.

@mayab.8070 Жыл бұрын

i'm sorry for your loss; this is a really good way to frame what that guy said

@laidikirsta9122 3 жыл бұрын

I had a really good conversation about this with a close friend of mine. We're both hetero cis women around 30, she doesn't want kids and I have always wanted them. She's really tired of having to defend herself to people, or getting condescending comments like "oh, just to wait, you'll want them soon". She really made me think when she said that no one ever asks women: "Why DO you want kids?" And a lot of people end up getting kids just because that's what you're supposed to do, but they never conciously consider if they actually want kids. It made me think long and hard about why I want kids, because I have a lot of medical reasons why I shouldn't. My conclusion is that I really, really want kids, despite there being so many logical reasons why I shouldn't. I just want kids. Which is just as fine as women not wanting kids, just because they don't.

@toniboyer3322 2 жыл бұрын

I am a new subscriber...love your videos. You are always so straight forward and articulate...and I like to listen to the way you explain things if that makes sense, even when you disagree with others. You are always so respectful but able to stand your ground at the same time. That is something I've always struggled with growing up in an extremely abusive home with a narcissist dad...I'm learning to deal with people and situations better but its taking a while. I love that you were finally able to put your reason for not having kids down to that one sentence. A perfectly valid reason btw. I'm sorry you have had to deal with people like that. Besides my injuries from the abuse itself and the severe CPTSD, I have bad chronic pain and PCOS. Husband and I tried for 7 years to have our daughter and finally she was born in 2003. Was the most beautiful day for us.....we've been trying on and off since she was 2 to have another baby but it is just not happening yet. My age is not as young as my fertility dr would like but we are trying to save money for an egg donor IVF cycle and it's very expensive. She believes I'm a good candidate for it, but even tho we are trying not to give up hope, it's kind of fading for us...and it's so heartbreaking. My tears come just typing this...your friend is right, what if someone is struggling with this? You could bring someone a lot of pain by asking questions that aren't any of your business. Our daughter is special needs and the biggest most precious miracle in the world to us. She is 18 and will probably be living with us for some time. That's ok...most likely will be our only baby even though we haven't stopped trying. I'm sorry this is a book. A lot of that is from taking my pain meds that make me ramble lol and a lot of it is this video brought up a lot for me. We wish you and your family the very best in this life. I think it's time for a nap now lol. Best wishes

@razzbazle1582 4 ай бұрын

One of the problems I see is a lot of people are not honest about what its like to have kids. Yes they are cute and you love them with every fiber. That aside, its a F ing GRIND! I remember feeling so free on a Friday after work. With children there is no off work. Uf you are someone who needs alone time to recharge, don't have kids. Unless you have a ton of help around or you have the means to pay for it

@traceyhanley287 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for having this conversation! My husband and I don't have children but I always get asked if we have kids when I meet someone. When I say “No!” there is a look of pity/disappointment on their face...i wish people would stop that because I always feel like I need to explain why, and I shouldn't have to.

@AnnaLVajda 2 жыл бұрын

Yeah people and their projections. Or maybe if someone wants kids and can't have any a question like that just rubs salt in their wounds.

@AnnaLVajda 2 жыл бұрын

Yeah people and their projections. Or maybe if someone wants kids and can't have any a question like that just rubs salt in their wounds.

@calliopecarion7598 3 жыл бұрын

Judging a person for choosing not to have children is just so rude...it's not your body or your life, so please mind your business Great video, as always!

@traceyflater 3 жыл бұрын

Indeed.

@clarissebanshee 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks 🙏🏻 Everyone on my family want me to have children BUT I don’t want for some reasons 🙄

@stuartmorris7699 3 жыл бұрын

Thank You...

@juliepagano4708 3 жыл бұрын

Your right

@somewhereinspace4006 3 жыл бұрын

This 👏🏻 is 👏🏻 an 👏🏻 awesome 👏🏻 comment 👏🏻

@AviantoMr 2 жыл бұрын

i am listening thoroughly on and on to understand deeper, highly respect, & give best prayers to support you for what is best for you at any time.

@TwilightKimvideos Жыл бұрын

Thank you for making this video and having the courage to share your perspective 🖤 As soon as I got married, random folks started asking "how many kids do you have?" "How many are you going to have?", etc. It was never about how I feel or my thoughts on the possibility of being a mom; it was assumed that it was certain. Even now, my neighbor always stops to ask my husband and I when we are going to start trying as we are getting older and we won't be able to later on. My parents have stopped asking but I still see my mom react a little jealous as my cousins and extended family have been welcoming babies in the world. I share the excitement of my friends and my family when they get pregnant but I honestly just don't think I want me own and that decision has come with so much guilt, which is so very silly. I and my partner should be able to make that decision and have that decision be respected.

@torimaguire456 3 жыл бұрын

I get the question, "who's going to look after you when you're old?". first of all, If I had children, I would never wish for them to look after me. Secondly, the people in the old folks home I pay, who else? I don't went children, because I don't want them. I love kids, I love my nieces and nephews, but it's not for me, and that's okay.

@tazhorse 3 жыл бұрын

Tori Maguire totally me. I have a niece and nephew I adore. I can afford to pay for care when the time comes. In the mean time I am living life and having a blast with my husband

@Michelle-sw9uj 3 жыл бұрын

And then you have children who end up not looking after you. What then? It's not a certainty that they will look after you. Also, they might actually die before you and then you don't have them to look after you either.

@jax422 3 жыл бұрын

I actually don’t get that question at all. There is no guarantee that your children will even be capable of taking care of you physically, financially, or mentally. There is always a chance you could out live you child, they could be disabled and need care themselves, they could have addiction issues, mental health issues, financial issues, they could move away and live in another state or country, or you may not even have a relationship with them at all when they’re older. Just assuming your child could one day take care of you is dumb.

@DieAlteistwiederda 3 жыл бұрын

My mom literally told me to put her in a nursing home as soon as she needs more help than maybe help with grocery shopping every week and other such smaller stuff. We had to take care of my grandma, we all know how hard that was and we also now know that none of us ever wants to go through that again. Like I will help but fuck being the sole caretaker of my mom. I also am disabled so I physically can't do all the stuff someone needs to do to take care of someone.

@jax422 3 жыл бұрын

@@DieAlteistwiederda My parents move my grandfather in with them a few months ago basically so he didn’t die alone of covid in a nursing home. Honesty it’s terrible. He needs 24/7 care. He’s like a toddler that’s capable of burning the house down. He’s up all night so my parents don’t sleep, they can’t go anywhere together because someone always has to be home. It’s miserable.

@madgeniusmusic 3 жыл бұрын

I'm male, and I agree, I don't want children, that's why I have cats.

@tazhorse 3 жыл бұрын

Danny Rushton I have horses. Can’t afford kids. Lol

@just_another_account8089 3 жыл бұрын

I'm a lady but sameeeee 😂 I have 3 ginger boys who keep me on my toes.

@jo.taylor 3 жыл бұрын

@nikoletahanakova8573 3 жыл бұрын

@Bruna Fernandes Is this something that is causing you any trouble in conceiving in case you want kinds? If you do not feel comfortable answering you do not have to, I do not mean to be rude.

@Shew0000 3 жыл бұрын

It's dog's for me 😀

@alisinclaire9021 2 жыл бұрын

No one is owed a reason for why you do or don't choose to have kids, but it's nice to hear a woman talk about this openly.

@scraphappyjen4561 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on such a tender subject. I always wanted children and seriously felt like it was my life’s calling but went through a traumatic birth and post-partum depression with my first. Other peoples opinions seemed to make it so much harder. I felt like I was failing at my life. You never know the battles someone is facing, we could all do better treating each other with care and understanding and sometimes the most respectful thing we can do is keep our opinions to ourselves.

@dr.lindsaymarie 3 жыл бұрын

I love this. I’m in the “I don’t want to have kids club”. 🙋🏼‍♀️ You articulated this topic very well. Thanks for sharing your story and thoughts.

@goodmorning2386 2 жыл бұрын

Same here! And I just looked at your channel, it seems really cool. I’m actually aspiring to be a doctor, going to medical school soon so I’m glad to have stumbled across your channel too

@dr.lindsaymarie 2 жыл бұрын

@@goodmorning2386 Thank you! Good luck in medical school!

@nicolabannister3582 3 жыл бұрын

For me it's the fact I wouldn't be able to give the child/children the childhood I want. I wouldn't be able to look after them and be there for them in the way I want. Add to that the possibility of passing on chronic illnesses, it just feels selfish to have biological children. I love kids and I love the time I get to spend with my bfs nieces and nephews, but boy are they exhausting. I struggle to find the energy to look after myself some days, let alone having another human fully dependant on me for EVERYTHING. It wouldn't be fair on the child.

@SunGem 3 жыл бұрын

Nicola Bannister - Same!

@pawprints1986 3 жыл бұрын

I feel this whole heartedly too. Thankfully I never did really want my own. But on top of just not wanting my own, I also don't feel it would be fair to have them when I can't properly care for them routinely. It wouldn't be the full life I'd want for them

@Felisquoreda 2 жыл бұрын

This is exactly how I feel. Don't let them tell you "but others make it work." Or "but you will regret this choice" Children are precious but demanding and regretting not having them is infinitely better than regretting having them.

@igirlgeek 2 жыл бұрын

I feel this too, when I was 16 I KNEW I wanted kids! But since my nephew was born 5 years ago, I've been on the fence. He's so loud and rowdy, I don't know how I'd cope if my kid was like that. My niece is slowly restoring my faith in babies, she's amazing and so well behaved, the complete opposite of her brother. I'm just hoping kids with my partner will be more like us, both of us would be so out of our depth with a masculine football loving kid. 😅

@igirlgeek 2 жыл бұрын

From personal experience, guys only talk about whether they want kids if you've had a romantic connection with them. It doesn't really come up otherwise. Except for my friends who already have kids

@nickefgen9219 Жыл бұрын

I got turned off to wanting kids when as a little kid watching my parents friends struggle with their kids that right there turned me off to wanting kids of my own, I’m 54 now and I’m happy about that decision, everyone always puts so much pressure on to have kids it’s so annoying. I now have a car hobby that I’ve had for the last 30 plus years, I’ve got a 1967 mustang and a 1970 bronco these are my two kids

@andrewjuby6339 2 жыл бұрын

As a dude who doesn't want to be a dad, I definitely get pressure but it isn't even remotely comparable to what I've heard child-free women deal with.

@Cerebrality1967 3 жыл бұрын

I love this. I don’t have children because I was unable to, and it didn’t stop the pointed, awful, questions. People need to change their perspective on “women’s obligations” related to creating a new life.

@evmarekaj 2 жыл бұрын

I think the bigger problem is the way these questions are asked as well as the difference between expecting the possibility of a person having children and that someone should have children, I don't think there is anything wrong with asking if a person does have children or if they ever have the intention to, but it sounds horrifying to be consistently pestered about the expectation that you should have children

@livi6886 2 жыл бұрын

@@evmarekaj I think "are you having kids?" is a much better question than "when are you having kids?". First one sounds like a question, second one sounds like a command.

@evmarekaj 2 жыл бұрын

@@livi6886 exactly my point curiosity isn't the problem, it's the expectation and the way it is expressed

@6Fiona6_P_6 3 жыл бұрын

I'm a 56 going on to 57 in November Year old. I'm also married. And I never Ever Wanted children. And have Never Ever regretted my decision. At 18-19 years of age I was diagnosed with having Polycystic Ovarian Disease. I was told it would be difficult for me to have kids. And that I maybe in that smallish percentage of Women who would never fall pregnant. And when I heard those words from the Doctor who said that, I just wanted to celebrate like all my New Years had come at once. I too had some relatives and friends who would ask "The Question ". My sister only asked me once. The one person who never asked was my Mother ( Maybe because she was wise and loving in that respect. And maybe because she respected my right and decision on the matter) And I'm grateful for it.... But the thing is, in the end -: You don't owe anyone an explanation, if You don't wish to give one. And people should respect You either way. Plus It's Nobody's Business whether a person wants Children or not. And I feel sorry for married men or unmarried who face this question as well. They shouldn't have to justify their decision either way as well ....... ☮️⚛️🌏

@Michelle-sw9uj 3 жыл бұрын

Haha! As a young woman, when I realized I couldn't have children, I was so happy. I had one less thing to worry about.

@ctrlbrwl 2 жыл бұрын

@@Michelle-sw9uj kinda sounds like you're trying to convince yourself more than anything else...

@lizphillips1334 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. I feel exactly the same way and I hope people stop asking this question like it's totally normal.

@ninakaiser2930 2 жыл бұрын

Yeah - thank you for talking so openly about such a personal question! For me it was the same. Due to life experiences it became clear to me - no children. And I know these conversations SO well! Now I am disabled and even physically not really able to go through pregnancy. What’s down the road - I don’t know. But the decision has been there before I got disabled.

@Flycam01 3 жыл бұрын

You’re probably too nice a person for this, but in the case of comments like those of the bank story, “Who the *f* do you think you are?” Is a perfectly appropriate response.

@skeetsmcgrew3282 3 жыл бұрын

Yea dude, the old man story was kinda just awkward but the bank teller can go straight to hell

@Not_Dead_Yet 3 жыл бұрын

I have asked people why that is any of their business before

@skeetsmcgrew3282 3 жыл бұрын

@@Not_Dead_Yet I honestly feel like it's less rude to tell someone to go to hell, like when a person gets that pissed I would be like, woah shit dude my bad. But saying "How is that any of your business" is just a Karen-ass thing to say and would not make me feel bad. Maybe I'm weird but I will respond better to anger than indignation

@Not_Dead_Yet 3 жыл бұрын

@@skeetsmcgrew3282 i get that. I swear like a sailor, so my first inclination is to tell them to f off, but sometimes you have to soften it for the location (like someone you work with). Work ppl have been told no and if they push, they get the why is it any of your business

@skeetsmcgrew3282 3 жыл бұрын

@@Not_Dead_Yet ugh, yeah probably true. Fuckin workplace politics are cancer

@Paintfilly1 3 жыл бұрын

Good for you Jo! I and my husband both knew we had no desires to have kids. All of our family and friends knew up front and never gave us a bad time about it.👍. I am now 59 and my husband is nearly 65. We still feel that we made the right decision, for us! Again, good for you two. You’re the only ones who can make your life, what you want it to be. I have my horses and he his computers. Good luck in your future going forward Jo.

@ctrlbrwl 2 жыл бұрын

Not sure horses and computers are an adequate replacement for babies though? But hey, whatever works for you, I guess

@Shadow1Yaz 2 жыл бұрын

“I don’t want to be a mom.” Is 120% valid and good reason to not have kids. I think videos like this are important. I never wanted to be a parent and I feel really bad and traumatized that it was forced on me.

@lorenadunne4199 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for saying that it can be a painful thing to ask someone. We tried for 3 years for our first and it was so hard when people would ask when we were going to have babies. After fertility treatments we were able to get pregnant but it was extremely hard for the 3 years leading up to that!! Everyone has their reason for becoming a parent or not, whether it is by choice, circumstance or impossibility. Unless you know someone's situation don't ask! You are an awesome dog Mom ❤️ 🐕🐾

@swissfemshep 3 жыл бұрын

My best friend became a mom two years ago and she asked me "do you wanna have kids?" and I said "yeah if I find the right partner" and she said the same thing "you know you don't have much time left!" Ouch! I had to turn my head because I teared up a bit😅

@ctrlbrwl 2 жыл бұрын

She is right, though. Much harder to conceive naturally after your 20's...

@louiseerbslisbjerg7854 2 жыл бұрын

Your body, your life, your choice! I had my tubes tied 3 1/2 years ago, when I was having a planned c-section. I've always wanted children but I had 7 miscarriages and my daughter who stuck, is everything I hoped and more. Pregnancy was horrible. My life was litterally in danger multiple times. Even the c-section did'nt go quite right, even though it was planned and I have not regretted a single minute, that I had my tubes tied! N. E. V. E. R!!! I did, however, have to fight to get sterilised. My GP (in my country they have to refer you to have it done) pushed the pill,the IUD and what not - even knowing I have a genetic error increasing my risk if bloodclods and therefor should never have hormones... but them there was the copper IUD... which has a ton of side effects, especially for women with endometriosis - which I do! I was 37 years old when I got pregnant with my daughter. I was 38 when she was born. I was done! DONE! But the attitude I've met with doctors, midwifes and other health professionels as-well as family and friends was un-believeble. If you dont have kids; When are you having any? If you do have kids; When are you having another? If you want to have your tubes tied; Are you sure, as an adult of sound mind, that you can msnage such a desition for yourself? "I dont think so, little Missy", seems to be the attitude. It n.e.v.e.r ends! Damned if you do. Damned if you dont. It is never enough for other people, whatever you do 🙄🙄🙄 And btw., as someone who lost preg,ancy after pregnancy; You are entitled to tell people like me to shut the f... UP if they tell you, that you are obligated to have children because they cant. I never understood that "logic" and have discussed it on numerous occassions with people like myself. Yes; wanting a child more than anything and not succeeding is hard. But it dos'nt entitle someone to be an a.., nor does it entitle anyone to deside for others, that they owe them or should do certain things - because they cant! It's not their place and they need to read up on biology if they think you having an un-wanted baby, is going to change the course of their own fertility. No. No. No!

@AnnaLVajda 2 жыл бұрын

Yeah "my body my choice" really should apply to more than just the abortion subject. Absolutely some women have problems with birth control pills or IUDS. There are still women forced to have children too surrogates cohercian etc. I think celibacy is best personally avoid all risk including that of another relationship with an abusive manipulative man.

@camomoose1078 2 жыл бұрын

Doctors are supposed to discourage non necessary surgerys as much as possible especially if you have issues that could complicate them. The reason being that they can permanently fuck up your physical and mental health.

@austinluther5825 2 жыл бұрын

@@camomoose1078 This us true, but everything OP said about their medical history would indicate that the surgery would be in the best interest of their health. Doctors are not immune to their personal biases influencing their thinking and some act on those biases. I've had a doctor try to talk me out of transitioning because, "It's irreversible and you might regret it." I was there for a referral to an endocrinologist with documented recommendation from multiple therapists. I was perfectly aware of how HRT works.

@camomoose1078 2 жыл бұрын

@@austinluther5825 OP's condition, though unlikely, can cause serious complications after that surgery. Much more serious then what she says she has to deal with now. Her getting it is like rolling dice. Everything from 1 to 5 is ok, but a 6 may cripple her body for life. The same, though with better odds, goes for allmost all surgerys, which is, again, why doctors are supposed to discourage them unless the reason to perform them is a bigger threat to the person then whatever ailments it could cause. And even then they have a, atleast moral, obligation to inform the patient of its risks and make sure they accept them. The same could go for your doctor. Even after going through the many checks your and most other serious medical treatments require, there is still a chance that someone who would regret it might have slipped through the cracks. It happens, though rarely, sometimes. Which is the reason why doctors should double check, even if the individual in question has copious amounts of referrals. Therefore i would allways assume concern for a patient at first and malice at last. In the end its for you to decide if that was true in your situation though. Sorry if i mangled any words or repeated them to often, english isnt my first language.

@bookllama8158 2 жыл бұрын

@Bob Ah, you must be speaking from experience, Bob. 🤦🏼‍♀️

@lmontano8190 Жыл бұрын

thank you for putting that advice out there. my road to having kids was a rollercoaster.

@kimberlyallen6582 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. I feel the same way. Never wanted them and have never regretted not having them. I have met many women who were pressured into having kids and feel resentful about it.

@alliesanchez1960 3 жыл бұрын

I had to let go an employee due to being unprofessional, she ended up calling my personal number and said you are so pathetic, in fact I'm pretty sure that you never bore a man's child. I honestly felt so personally violated, for being single and in my thirties.

@Uapa500 2 жыл бұрын

That's honestly sick 😱

@nnicollan 2 жыл бұрын

Wow she crazy

@kristinreynolds577 2 жыл бұрын

I feel the exact same way! My sister was born to be a Mom, and I wasn’t. So many people asked me why aren’t we having kids, and I actually can’t have kids. I had cancer and it completely killed my ovaries and hormones. So I so agree and thank you for bringing this up!!! Thank you so much Jo! 💗💗💗

@bookllama8158 2 жыл бұрын

@Bob Doesn’t matter, because she doesn’t want to.

@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 2 жыл бұрын

@@bookllama8158 lol 😂

@solsystem1342 Жыл бұрын

@Bob Wow, so glad you're a medical professional and can advise pregnancy care online from a single comment

@ssandeep2687 2 жыл бұрын

Great share Jo! Thank you for this! Sincerely appreciate and with you and your better half on your choice. There always need not be a reason and justification for one’s personal life choices. Everyone has their journey. The more we appreciate it, it’s easier to live in harmony. Again that’s my personal opinion as we men cross our 30s we have the similar pressure as well. Life is beautiful with or without a child🙌🏼

@dianebrown8152 Жыл бұрын

I think your reasons, or your outlook (however you want to phrase it) is awesome! I honestly never asked someone that question, but you brought up an incredible point. I know several women who are on both sides of the fence. Either don't or can't have kids. And I think that you have given people a lot to think of. Thank you No for putting yourself out there. Keep up the awesome videos.

@whoopsies6432 3 жыл бұрын

I feel like if the question was “are you planning on having children “ the subject could be more open

@colettetennison6222 3 жыл бұрын

Good for you! I was married for 10 years and people always assumed there would be kids - so glad there weren't when things fell apart. But those questions were always asked - we also had decided against kids for various reasons but those were personal and I hated that I always felt that I had to explain myself. Also, the number of people (generally men!) who feel like it's okay to ask when you're due if you even show a tiny stomach bulge - like why do you think that's even vaguely okay?!

@evarinagarmguardian113 2 жыл бұрын

To anyone who asks when you're due because they see a little bit of stomach you should say, "In a couple of hours, give or take 💩."

@janhenry9733 2 жыл бұрын

I am 22 years married, and happily child-free. Your answer is the same as mine. We have a parrot. She's 21. I love her. That's really all I need.

@brookewilson9117 7 ай бұрын

Thank you for this video! People need to be more open about it. I have always felt pressured to have kids and have never been at peace with idea even when I was considering it or in a relationship. Even when I was single people would ask me when am I having kids. I’m so happy I found someone that also doesn’t want kids but wants us to build a life together with dogs and someday hobby farm animals 😊

@Mothman_In_a_T-Pose 3 жыл бұрын

I’m in the process of getting an ablation for medical reasons, and I’m actually so looking forward to being able to deadpan tell people that I can’t have kids (perhaps elaborating occasionally that my period made death by strychnine look like a good option). I love kids, but my health is more important than their hypothetical existence.

@AMVactivists 3 жыл бұрын

I love this! This is me too! Grew up assuming I'd have kids because that's what everyone did, but it was never something I ever activity wanted. As I grew older I understood that kids aren't for me. I don't like children. They're annoying and loud and kinds icky. I also find it funny how children exhaust me, but dogs doing the exact same things bring me joy!

@CrystalGreymon 2 жыл бұрын

Dogs don't ask random questions or refuse to go to bed.

@Lindsay423 Жыл бұрын

Bravo! I feel exactly the same way. I’ve never wanted to have kids and it’s frustrating that it’s just expected that we all want to. Thank you for saying it plain and simple, and reinforcing that it’s a perfectly valid choice.

@user-dd1sp5kk9d 7 ай бұрын

Such a brilliant and beautiful person. Thank you for sharing your light.

@melzlayre9972 3 жыл бұрын

I don't want to ever have kids and that is okay with me 🙂

@spring1485 3 жыл бұрын

I can so see why you don't want kids and it makes me sad that people expect you to just because female

@edgar22452 3 жыл бұрын

@@spring1485 Exactly!!!

@misteroliver123 3 жыл бұрын

I totally respect that! I was just like that,parents,grandparents always pressured me(and my sister) and the more they pushed,the less I wanted them. However,in my mid thirties I started to want them. Long story short,Im 39,mom of 20 week old twins.

@zitronenrevival7642 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for spreading the message and the comfort every woman is allowed to choose. I have two and I knew for years I wanted them. You feel so heartwarming to me, I love to listen to you, calms me down even though you seem on double speed ;)

@Doglyvr 2 жыл бұрын

My youngest daughter never wants kids and my oldest who wanted kids passed at 31 never had kids. My husband and I do not regret not having grand kids.