Laura: do you wanna walk like dinosaurs ? me, a full grown adult: ... yes please

Honestly though, as someone who freezes (even in adulthood,) talking it through during a freeze can make it embarrassing. Sometimes saying, “Take your time. You are safe. I am here,” works a lot better. Discussing what the freeze could have been from is something to do later because knowing that they’re safe in that moment is easier to process than an explanation.

I have PTSD and GAD with severe panick attacks. Alot of it is from my childhood. When my panick attacks get really bad I can literally lose the ability to speak. I freeze up and I can't process anything. I really wish my parents had treated me the way this lady is in these situations. Instead I'd get screamed at or hit for being "disrespectful" because I wasn't answering them and I couldn't explain to them that what they were doing was causing my brain and body to shut down. And the screaming just made it worse. Fun fact, screaming at a person to "Relax" while they're having a panick attack and hiding under a table, isn't going to make them relax.

Wow this is really great because I’m that kid who shuts down or freezes when things get bad or if I’m scared. This is exactly how I wish people would respond. Thanks for the great post as always Laura! 🥰🤗

As an adult with PTSD, this is perfect. I still freeze nearly 20 years after my trauma, and my husband learned how to do all of this sort of thing with me. Just watching your video made me feel relaxed, so I think you're doing something right :)

This has been so helpful to me as a teacher. Having a child refuse to speak can definitely not be disrespectful but it could be a freeze response. I am always looking to learn more about how to help my students feel safe in my classroom. Thank you.

As an adult with the kind if trauma responses from childhood abuse- physical, emotional and SA- the “change the subject” type response you showed here is SO effective with me and with many adults and children I have worked with. Often whatever has caused us to freeze has done so because it’s so overwhelming it kind of short-circuits us, so trying to get out if that state by further thinking about, talking about it trying ti identify our feelings or what caused them while we are still in that state only makes it worse… But changing the subject- and specifically the example like you showed here- “I think I forgot to pack the chalk, do you remember?”- completely takes the focus off of us and our overwhelming feelings and thoughts, but without ignoring us. The idea that someone else needs my help (even if just about chalk or whatever) gets brain on a different track because it’s no longer focusing on myself. And being helpful and useful to others and seeing their appreciation really helps anyone struggling with anything. Yes, quiet down the space, acknowledge that you see they are reacting to something that maybe scared them or reminded them of something bad, reassure them that you aren’t upset with them, it’s not their fault, and they are safe. Ask them if they want to tell you what it is or talk about it, or if they would maybe rather do that later. If they respond later, or no response at all, say “ok, I’m not going to push you, but I am interested and you can come talk to me about whenever you feel comfortable. In the mean time can you help me with something I forgot/need to do/ etc.” The making clear that they can come back to this if they want to whenever they want- and following up at least once when you have time to talk with then in private without being rushed, is so important. Because many of us feel like there is no “right time” to bring up our trauma, that it’s never ok to talk about and, especially if we have had bad responses when trying to confide in others before, many people- children as much as adults- have internalized the idea that “no one wants to hear about it and I’ll lose this person, scare them away, if I try to bring it up.” But ya, asking them to help you with something is a fantastic way to break the “freeze” because it sets our mind on another track, and entirely safe one to focus on, and one we can feel good about.

It feels healing to watch you. It teaches me how to be the safe adult I need while at the same time makes me feel comforted to see how you try so hard to help those kids feel safe with you.

I'm a social worker who specializes in trauma (I don't work for CPS, but I've worked with a lot of kids who were placed outside of the home), and your content is fantastic! I hope more professionals and families (foster or not) get access to this information!

I wish I had someone like you in my life when I was a kid. The few times people spoke to me like this growing up I have remembered forever.

Reading the comments about how they weren’t treated this way as a kid makes me sad. I was fortunate to have a mom and supportive family during my ptsd as a kid. As an adult, I have the ability to say words to my peers like “sorry, my brain is shutting down. I need a few minutes” when I shutdown, and everyone just lets me take my 5 minute break to come back to reality. I’m evidence that it is better to treat a child kindly, because it will help them to be able to handle it into adulthood.

Easy grounding exercise. "Can you look around the room and point out 10 things?" I would do this for a friend. Usually by 6 or 7 she's was asking if she could do duplicates, and I was cheering her on.

I love your videos. I am not a foster parent but my child is autistic and many of your tips apply to them as well!

Ok, so I'm 41 and rasing my own 4 kids. I've been trained and educated in being a sensitive caregiver but I didn't have one myself. Your video, your demeanor, suddenly made me (making me lol) cry and unload some random repressed emotions from being an unwanted and unsafe child. Wowza. Thanks mama!

I wish my own parents had been gentle like this with me.

I love your videos. I'm raising my granddaughters and unlike riding a bike, everything doesn't come right back so fast. I finally realized what I've been doing wrong. I was trying to parent from the perspective of being a grandparent. I can't be Nan Nan. I have to be mom. Your videos help me stay calm. I'm so angry at my daughter for doing this to her daughters that sometimes that anger pops up in our everyday lives and the girls think that I'm angry at them. I've made a lot of progress on fixing that, but I still have a lot of work to do. Your videos and the lady who does the pleasant peasant/mama cusses videos are life savers. I know that you make these for foster parents, but I want you to know that you're helping others types of parents too. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

I am an adult with PTSD and OCD. Most of my life I've had the freeze response but I didn't knew what it was. As an adult my PTSD and OCD got worse and I had freeze responses very often, I started doing EMDR which is a psychotherapeutic technique and for the last couple of years I've barely had any freeze response so I extremely recommend it. If you have any questions do ask, I'll be glad to help 😊

Pov: watching this makes you realize you needed so much more help as a child.

I'm a grown up and I sometimes freeze. Was even in a hospital, but they found nothing, so it's probably just autism. It helps me when my fiance is there, waiting for me, hugging me, talking to me.

This, like all your others, are awesome!! Both as a therapist and a future foster parent (gonna specialize in teens!!), I see a good amount of resources out there for kids who go into fight or flight, but rarely are there resources about helping kids/clients who go into freeze or fawn. Which is hard because shutting down or fawning are extremely common responses when your abuser won't allow anything to be the right answer to the problem they're creating. Thank you!

I’m not a foster parent & have never been in foster care but seeing how you navigate these scenarios with such love & concern is just so heartwarming!! This isn’t something ppl think of when it comes to foster parents & I find myself in tears with so many of your shorts!!! The kids you foster are in such good hands with you. This is truly the content I didn’t even know I needed. 💜💜💜

This is beautiful. Even as an adult, i shut down as a trauma response and very few people understand. Thank you for being kind and educating yourself and others on these important topics

My heart melts - that’s the kindest way to help a child (and an adult of course adapted!) out of a freeze! I read from others that they are the adult - and I am, too. I wish more people would develop compassion and understanding for trauma responses. From you radiates so much compassion and understanding! A big thank you for making such great videos also helping us adults for ourselves!

Yeah, the whole "don't force them to talk" is sooo important. When my PTSD goes haywire thinking is impossible. And so many people try to "help" by asking over and over again what is wrong. Like it didn't help the first time you asked, why do you think the fifth time will help? I need to just turn into a potato and calm down. Ground my feelings, distract myself, and just try to relax. Giving me a hug, putting on some music or a video that doesn't require thinking, or giving me a fidget is infinitely more helpful than trying to figure out what set my panic attack off. Because a lot of the time it was nothing in particular. Or nothing at all, but my brain deciding that right now is a great time to replay all the worst moments of my life on repeat.

What I love most about these videos is whether the adult does the "perfect" response or not (each kid and trauma situation is so unique it can be somewhat hard to say what response helps them most especially if the child doesn't even know or can't clearly request it)...whether adult does "perfect" response or not, most important I think is the intent, feeling, energy, character behind it. If there's that genuine feeling of care, compassion, respect for rights and autonomy, and desire for the child to be healthy, happy, and feel safe (within what theyrecomfirtable with and pace their nervous system can do), allowing trust to take its time to build, a child can feel that love. On some level it well help heal and relax some layers in them. Same with adults or animals.

As someone who was in foster care + emotional trauma, this validates my feelings so much! Shutting down was my coping mechanism for so long. Seeing this is a blessing because now, I can help myself and others feel heard ❤️.

Hi Laura! I’m a huge fan and I really want to be a foster parent one day! Thank you for making these videos to educate people

She's amazing. Wish more mother's and care givers took her advice.

The children in your care must feel so safe around you. Ive been actively seeking out your videos and rewatching, because you make me feel calm and safe with the way you handle things. Thank you! Xx I appreciate what you do!!

With my own son and a couple of children I worked with we referred to the feeling as being stuck. As in "I can see you have big feelings about that but are feeling stuck." Most common issues are feeling rushed, misunderstood, and overwhelmed (although scared makes a lot of sense when trauma is involved). So we need to back up and slow down. I remember my marriage counselor saying once you have activated fight/flight/freeze/fawn your body takes a good 20min to fully calm down. You might not need a full 20min to get a child calm enough to start gently communicating and making progress... but I am now mindful of how I handle the next 10-20 minutes as they probably aren't ready to explore what is behind the feelings.

I am sure all of this is good advice for foster parents but it's just also really really good ways to interact with children. Even our own children/grandchildren sometimes get scared or confused and may not have the language skills to process and verbalize why they're upset or even over what. Behaviors can be rooted in trauma and then sometimes they're just rooted in being a small child - a time of life when daily life events can overwhelm immature coping skills. You're doing a good work here in helping adults develop some of those tools to put in the "tool box" that people who deal with children need to have.

As someone who has Autism and intense trauma this is such a comfort to know people like you do this. :)

I was never in care but this definitely triggered something in my brain, I hope when I have kids I am able to validate their feelings and that they feel they can always come to me

As a full grown adult with trauma I need this 🥺

Laura, the whole video is excellent, but those redirect and transition ideas at the end are especially genius.

I would love to become a foster parent one day. Your approach is always so patient. Thank you for sharing.

It’s also important that these behaviors can also be carried into adulthood, and to always consider what our friends may have gone through.

Thank you. I am a person, who can shut down and freeze sometimes. For me, it is part of my personality, I think, since I never endured traumatic childhood. I want to let you know, what helps me, because maybe it also might help some children: when I freeze, I want to move again, but I can't. But my brain can be tricked by something like giving me something to hold in my hand AND telling me to hold it. I will grip it before I realise that moving my fingers is also a movement. That helps me realise that I can move. The world feels really unreal to me in those situations and I strongly believe moving is neither possible nor safe then. Realising that I just did move something, my fingers, and nothing bad happened plus the weight and feel of a real object pulls my brain back to reality. Since I am rather far from reality in those situations, words don't really reach me. You might tell me, I am safe, but even if my brain was able to even catch the words, they don't mean much against the huuuuge feelings of fear and dread. Yeah, you say I am safe, but it doesn't feel that way. Because it's not about reality but about the place where my mind went. And that might not BE or feel safe. That's why I need pulling back to reality in a more basic way. This will not help every child, because people are all different. But maybe some children are like me and might find it useful.

I’m an adult who still freezes and this just warms my heart to know kids going through this still have good people in the world bless you for all you do 🕊❤️🙏🏻

In case no one has told you you are an absolutely amazing woman and we appreciate you every day

As an adult with anxiety after trauma, I found this so relaxing and this would have been so good having this parenting style.

Man, I love your videos but most of the time I can't bring myself to watch them cause I just don't want to be a big ball of emotion at 3 pm on a Thursday. As a mama I can't imagine any child going through this, feeling so traumatized at such a young age and all because some adults weren't ready for them. The strength you have to take these babies in and not completely fall apart after hearing their stories is just commendable.

Thank you, Laura, for the work that you do. I just barely avoided the foster care system in my own childhood, but I strongly understand and empathize with troubled kids and have wanted to be a foster mom for ages. After the things I've been through it's very difficult to make me cry, but the loving compassion you demonstrate to these kids gets me in the feels every single time.

This is great info for how to handle anyone who has PTSD or trauma responses. As an adult who suddenly can't go into a store or make a phone call, it would be so awesome if people would speak with validation and acceptance instead of acting like I am just too lazy or selfish etc. Yes, my PTSD can appear selfish but it's not an active choice. As the world has sped up and everyone has filled their calendars to the max it seems many have forgotten about the human aspect and don't budget time for compassion. You're doing a wonderful job teaching others just how to be a decent human, all people esp parents can learn from you! 💞

This is so beautiful. Everything about this is what every child needs So many adults do not exhibit this patience with children. They expect children to be like perfect robots and abuse them instead of having compassion like this This training should be mandatory for all parents!!!!

This was so great to watch because over 2 years ago I was doing this with my granddaughter because she was afraid of pretty much everything, especially noises. (She didn’t start really talking until she was 2, when she spoke in complete sentences.) Everybody else just seemed to get upset and not know what to do, and they would look at me like there was no way she understood what I was saying. I knew that, but also felt that even if she didn’t understand every word, my tone of voice and explanation would help her feel safer and eventually she would understand. It worked and she started turning to me when she heard something without saying anything and no longer instantly froze and cried. Eventually she started saying , “What’s that?” Now, hardly any new situation or sounds faze her.

Getting on a childs level is so important! great job Mom

Any child is blessed to have you for a parent/carer. Thank you ❤️

I can so much relate to this. Im 31 but still get into freeze quiet often because of trauma. Thanks for sharing how you handle it. It helpes to see it from another perspective.

You're a seriously amazing human being.

My daughter recently taught a 4yo who gets berated for wetting his pants (not trauma related, just slow to potty train) that “it’s ok; it was an accident and accidents happen” He was instructing a 5yo who was trying to mock him, with those exact words. SCORE!

My niece did this. Turns out it was raising your voice at her or saying dont. They were her triggers. Shes no longer triggered by those at least, and is starting to voice more and more the things she dislikes

Every time my toddler is scared, she runs and grabs my leg. I can’t imagine if she didn’t have anyone she felt comfortable doing that with, it breaks my heart. Thank you for being there for these kids

I think it's always important to let the child know you're not going to scream, shout or hit and that you don't hate them. Children who've been abused often blame themselves for what's happened and their reactions to triggering things.

Love this woman! Even children who haven't been removed and placed in foster care but have real trauma and insecurity in their homes can benefit from her coaching on how to help her children's playmates feel safer when they are visiting in her home. We all can do more even if the visiting child is (still with mom) but staying with relatives or a safe house while mom is ill, or getting help getting out of a bad relationship.

As someone who freezes, I really wish this is how I would be treated. I can only dream. Watching your videos makes me feel safe. Thanks for the work you do.

It's so important to understand that especially foster children are not "misbehaving" -- they're processing so much emotional trauma that would be difficult for anyone of any age and they don't even know how to regulate their own emotions. The work you're doing is incredible. Thank you for being a safe place for kids.

Wow, thankyou for this. I'm 31, almost 32 and this still happens to me. Sometimes it's a full body physical freeze, other times I can still move but my mind freezes. All functional thought process, just stops. Couldn't even tell you my own name in those times. So especially for the children out there that are dealing/living with this... thankyou.

In my early childhood class in high school during the child abuse and neglect DCF section my teacher was telling the class about a girl who would freeze when she dropped something bc of her trauma of bending over, she was frozen for the whole time at recess and they felt so bad after because they didn’t realize until after. It hurt so bad hearing the stories during that section.

Foster parenting looks exhausting!! Props to the good ones out there!!

Btw-- for the first time I've considered being a foster parent. Thank you for your example that helps me to understand this unique concept that is foreign to me

Thank you for posting. This was just insanely calming to listen to

Your patience and compassion are inspirational. Thank you, as always, for fantastic and educational content that can help all people who are advocates, caretakers, and guardians of children

I think it is amazing that you were doing this. What a wonderful service to those who are helping our forgotten youth.

keep in mind decision fatigue/paralysis with the "giving them a choice" thing bc I also freeze and if someone gives me too many choices it makes it worse. but what you're doing is amazing ☺️

This is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing

Holy SH--! I did this growing up, but my parents literally caused this to happen! It's a real eye opener when you realize just how abusive your parents really are.

Bless you. I feel like I heal a little bit with everyone of your videos. Thank you for caring for these children

This is such a great format for such invaluable content! Love it - you're helping so many people with this!

Your videos are wonderful, I think about the things you show us quite often. You are so helpful, and please keep posting❤

This is wonderful! Thank you so much for being that safe place in children's life ❤

I don't have any trauma, but i do have autism, so when I'm overwhelmed or stressed out i freeze. You don't even know how much i wish THIS would be people's response to it... Just an "it's ok, I'll wait" instead of trying to keep talking to me when i am clearly unable to respond would be so freaking nice... I know I've said it a million times, but i love you so much for everything you do. Please never stop. ❤

You’re the best! We appreciate you educating us on something so important ❣️❣️❣️

I’m an Early Childhood Educator and also had a difficult childhood, so appreciate seeing growth of awareness in this area. Thanks for sharing!

I don’t know how this ended up in my feed, but I have to say Thank you for helping show people how to respond!!! This is wonderful. God bless your work and efforts. ❤

What a wonderful mom… wishing her all the blessings in the world

Just found your channel. What an absolutely amazing use for social media! You’re single handedly redeeming an entire tech sector.

I love your kind heart! Thank you for these explanation videos, they are healing and instructive.

🥺 Because of caffeine & anxiety, I can be in the bathroom getting ready for hours because I don't feel clean & comfortable enough to leave. I'll watch videos to occupy my mind. Hours can pass while I stand there.

I don't even have a foster child, but, yep! This is right. Glad you are showing the way.

You know, I'm very glad to see material like this out there. I hope all foster parents could see these things.

This was so good to see. Even though I’m not a parent or deal with kids, this is a good approach to dealing with peoples traumas

I use to freeze as a kid all the time. Now at 45 and after looking into cps records. I find out that they all just thought I was “slow” I guess times have changed and signs of trauma are better known. Thank you for educating about these things. You’re helping build a more understanding empathetic world.

I Love Laura And Her Passion For Foster Kids ❤️

Thank you so sincerely and eternally for sharing these videos. Of course these things are much more prevalent when children are coming in and out of foster care, but much of it I wish my wonderful adoptive parents could have accessed for my neurodivergent brain in the 90’s. I’m so grateful to see you sharing every day so as adults we can do better for the children around us, whether ours, family friends or in passing. ❤❤❤

You are so sweet. I'm a teacher in a title 1 school and these videos are so helpful.

You're awesome. This is really cool. Thank you making this and sharing it.

I just absolutely love your videos. I also think that alot of what you do can help everyday parents as well. Thank you for the awareness you bring in your videos ❤

This reality is heartbreaking 💔. Thank God for people like you. I am not built to help hurt children, tears would never stop flowing from my eyes. Blessings to people like you and Healing ❤️‍🩹 for hurt children 💞

You are healing my inner child. Thank you ❤

❤While I do believe stopping and supporting the kid or adult, in this situation is absolutely the best thing to do. Sometimes it is the only thing that should be done? Panic attacks and freeze response are painful. Asking us to continue towards whatever is making us freeze is terrifying. I feel sitting with and cuddling the child through the traumatic response until the limbic system resets is the optimal response to this situation in most cases.

Love what you do! When I was in foster care, I wish there were more foster parents like you.

You are awesome. I love how intune you are to children whomhave suffered abuse.xx

May God bless you for your selfless gift of parenthood to a child who isn't yours. It's my dream to foster/adopt as many children as God allows me to. If everyone adopted a child, there would be no foster children. May God impress it on others' hearts to help the way you do. Thank you for helping this child and society.

You're so lovely and kind, I'm at the big age of 25 almost 26 but your videos are so soothing and comforting and, almost healing tbh. Love your content. ❤

You are truly a blessing ❤

Thank you so much. As an adult who has gone through childhood trauma, I wish that I could have had had this, grown up. Now, I can use your tools as an adult to heal my inner child. Thank you again.

This is a wonderful demonstration of how to respect another person. Whether adult or child

This is great! Thanks, I’m in the early process of becoming a licensed foster parent and this is very helpful. 😊

Thank you for what you do 💜