I believe that I have multiple personalities that each carry a trauma or more then one trauma with them. I believe one is autistic. I’ve been able to see and feel this through an avenue I care not to mention out of fear of judgement. I thankfully have had the opportunity to work with a psychologist that believes and is understanding. I think having someone listen and meet you where you are at is most important! But i wanted to say I see/have seen autistic traits in my son over the years. I spoke to him about it for a while and as I did he started to hide his habits that reflected autism. He did an assessment and they mentioned ADHD and also severe anxiety. They did not see any signs- signals of autism. He’s been in school now for a few months (8th grade) and hasn’t ever been to the lunch room. He does eat lunch somewhere on a patio by himself, sometimes. He does not have friends that he speaks to at school. A girl drew on his hand in class and he smiles about that, but he does not talk to her. He’s had trauma with weight from 3rd, 4th and 5th grade. He became suicidal and had to change schools. Always the biggest in weight and height. Now at 13 he is nearly 6ft, size 14 shoes and 250 lbs… beautiful teddy bear of mine. He has severe anxiety about -example- today he ordered a large lemonade and refused to take it into school unless the cup was smaller. Obviously still has anxiety about how things look in comparison to his size from the information he learned and interpreted. There is shame and guilt in that. He slammed the lemonade even though I got him a smaller cup. Back to autism… since the appointment, my son hides things less with me and most times with his dad. He always hides things with his older (24) brother who he looks up to. And it’s ok that they aren’t diagnosing him with autism, but I feel it’s an awareness to behaviors that he requires to function the way he needs to function so that he may thrive in life for himself without all that anxiety. He’s afraid of how everything looks. So he has found ways to mask. (That may have been something I projected-not sure). My son doesn’t like to go into stores pre-covid, doesn’t care about clothes shopping and tells me “I tried one thing on now, buy a bunch of the same one and let’s go.” ☺️ He doesn’t stay long in a store or really even go in. Getting him to leave the house, there has always been a bargaining tool. I feel there is a miseducation regarding people with autism… I think there are forms of it with a distinct tool that’s developed to hide things that make them feel better because it is not the norm. I also believe I also developed that. I am a people reader and I care about what everyone thinks. And then there are times I do not… I struggle so much with my mental health as does my son in anxiety that there just isn’t always focused action and intentions on why… we just look at the amount of meds, coping skills etc. But i think looking closer at previous generations explains so much of the suffering in the current day of people’s suffering. Maybe not all of this makes sense. ☺️ I’m getting all of my thoughts out about mental health. Thank you for being so candid about your experiences!! It’s so important and I have a hard time sharing because of shame but I go against that feeling everyday because I can see all the suffering in friends, family and strangers. And my own as well, thats too ugly for some to hear or believe. Thank you, thank you! I bounced around maybe in this conversation.☺️❤️