"We obsess over these things that feel like the're millimeters away. But a millimeter is as good as a mile". This one is so good !

No marriage or relationship is flawless; they're all different. What works for one person might not work for another. But I've figured out that there's always a way to fix things when there's a problem. Five years back, my wife and I were on the brink of divorce because of issues in our marriage, but we found a way to fix them. It was hard, but we made it through.

I am currently going through a breakup, In the past, such moments left me feeling hopeless, but this time, I feel empowered and optimistic. While I still acknowledge the pain, it was his decision, it isn't mentally draining me as it used to. Thanks to your videos, podcasts, and advice on handling breakups, I have found strength. I love this man and wish him well, but for both our sakes, it is best that we move on, we never know what tomorrow is made of and we can start looking forward with optimism.

The tragic dream of what could have been seems to be more beautiful to us than the reality of a true relatioship. It takes no work, but it also contains no depth

When comes to love relationship you do not lose person that was not for you . Simple as that .

It’s only the right person wrong time if you end up with that person later on and you’re looking back at the past . All relationships are the right person at the right time, and that means literally nothing about the longevity of the relationship

Get with a man who loves you and wants to build with you. Anyone outside of that is wasting your time.

I know this material is more for women, but I just wanted to let you know that this 32 year old man has been coming to your content for years through his journey. Applying the lessons I learn from you has helped me heal and overcome pain and longing that was just not ever going to let me be open to the kind of relationship I'm looking for. So excited to be in on the weekly newsletter.

Remember the other person's actions. Not only what they said. It's a way to help put your feet on the ground again. And not to just stay in "dream land". Thank you bought Matthew and Audrey. Great topic. So relatable.

After 9 years of a mature fairytale relationship, a 10 mins of break up talk and 4 years of no contact have been messing up with my mind until now...This episode was so right on time for me and I will share it with him after keeping my silence for so long.If life gets in the way and you quit the right person just like that it means it has never been the right person but it was the right time to end that relationship.Frozen desire can make you waste your soul for a long time.Thank you for the insight.

The right person , always be right anytime.

So true. I didn’t get to live out the story. We were “friends” for 18 years. He was my everyday. My best friend. .. We started a relationship and POOF, after some mild conflict, he’s gone. My heart continues to bleed for the story I didn’t get to live out 💔

The point Matthew was trying to make is logical. We only say it's hard because we're thinking with our feelings but it is absolutely necessary to not think with how we feel, but with our logical minds. I always try to remember that it's never good to be self-indulgent with our sorrow, you can feel it, feel the sadness and grief but orient yourself to see it for what it was. We have to be the adult for our own selves and fighting what is, the reality, is not kind or helpful.

Bro I’ve never felt so positively attacked in my life. I need to get this man’s books. Speaking absolute facts.

I have been grieving a 6.5 year relationship for over two years now. I am doing way better than I was when the breakup first happened, but sometimes I look back on that time and that connection and it still hurts. I thought he was the one and that he would build a home and family with me. After so many years and no effort to move things toward family and marriage on his side it was too little too late. I am not as emotionally destabilized and getting lost in those sad thoughts but I still have to remind myself why he wasn’t the right one.

The wisdom here is immense. There is no ordained ONE. Indeed relationship is as beautiful as the two people have build it. ❤❤

If two people are meant to be together, nothing can stop them. Right person wrong time is an asymmetrical relationship which was most likely lukewarm and typically only one person mourns the loss or else both knew intuitively it wasn’t the relationship for them

I needed this! After three months of a situationship he told me it won't work because perhaps it was the wrong time. I'm trying to get over this but I still can't help but feel disappointed as I ponder "what could have been". And I miss him, too.

Congratulations on your book, your club and especially your marriage!!!!

I had a relationship or sometimes found a girl that I though it was the one, not going to lie, I got hook but now Am starting to realize like it was said on this episode the one is going to be there om the right moment and no matter how much you mess up, there will be that connection that will triumph over above all everything else because that connection will transcend resistance and will flow as a flow in a river. So yes, better let go and see how you can improve yourself be happy and shine for other people to notice without expecting anything in return.

I find a lot of deep comfort in the Happy Enough chapter of your book. I listen to it in the car when I start to feel lonely.

I know all these words you said is true but life sometimes can be really tricky and its just so easy to say these things. Its sometimes so hard and confusing and sad

I'm from Europe during exchange semester I met a guy with whom I had an amazing connection... He was from New Zealand... We've never dated but we were really attached to one another we kept in touch DAILY for another 9 months after he went back home. Long story short I got obsessed about the idea of going to New Zealand and even after we stopped having contact I had this in my head. It took me 8 years, graduating university, illness and death of the father, my own depression, moving countries, lockdown to get to the point when I bought the tickets. And I went, I wrote him an email, we didn't met, he was already married with child, but I didn't care much. Because somehow obsession about the guy, evolved into obsession about travelling to the other side of the world, being independent woman who isn't afraid to do it on her own, who doesn't give up on a dream, even if it takes years. A lot of changed in my life because of it. This is what happens when you direct your energy correctly. And New Zealand was even more beautiful than I hoped in my dreams ❤❤❤

Those who play together, stay together 🥰❤️

Ah, Matthew: From that story about the tasting room and your apparently habitual overanalyzing, I can tell you're a fellow maximizer. We tend to struggle when we're not sure what's best, and I think that contributes to your points here about not knowing what's good for us. I just lost someone who I was sure was "the one" at the wrong time (he's not ready for a relationship/commitment), but my story has evolved over the month since it ended. As Audrey put it, my thoughts have lately turned toward what that experience taught me. I'm concentrating more on me than on him for the first time since we met in late January. This entire podcast was reassuring; I feel that I'm on the right path toward healing after feeling like I would never, ever get over losing this person and I'd lost my one chance at happiness. Your point about the story we tell ourselves calcifying and us bringing it to life for ourselves long after it has actually ended was such a clarifying thing to hear. He ghosted me a month ago. I've been ruminating and obsessing about him and what I did wrong ever since, but it's been over for a month. I've been keeping the story alive long after it's dead and buried. I'm also guilty of telling new people about it because I know they're listening with fresh ears, and the thought of it actually being over and that we'll never be together is so searingly painful. I'm still in pain and processing, but my story is at least evolving, finally. I did meet him completely unexpectedly (and completely romantically) in a foreign city where neither of us lived. The story could have been the start to a whirlwind rom-com meet-cute love story for the ages ... but it wasn't. It was a 0 rather than a 1 because he wasn't willing to commit. And I need to stop mourning it like it was a 1.

Yeah ... I had to learn this and I had to reconcile this without running away. Sigh.

Please address how you are now the right people for each other, even though when you met and started dating it was not the right time?

No such thing as right person wrong time The right person for you can tick all the boxes of the levels of love you can have with another person. This we should give importance to. Not our FEELINGS about someone! These levels are 1. Mutual admiration 2. Mutual attraction (This will FEEL very important but is superficial) 3. Commitment 4. Compatibility (We work, want the same things now and later, individual futures synergistic) The wrong time makes someone the wrong person (level 3&4) Approach compatibility holistically. Look at all the ways you are compatible (don't be satisfied with just one or two) because remember, this is about getting in the relationship of a lifetime Even with the right person right time you will have lots of time and effort ahead of you, and some may still not work out You've never had to live real life with the right person wrong time, only dreaming about it. And these stories make us miss our life We can feel a little arrogant, thinking this person is what we need and we know what's best for us, causing us to hyper fixate We tend to dream about being millimeters apart, but it's really a binary. Is it a one or zero? It doesn't matter how much a zero could've been a one Not to say it isn't sad or tragic or even heartbreaking It's still a loss, still a miss, and we can grieve what wasn't But don't fall in the trap of ruminating and obsessing endlessly You can be sad someone didn't turn out to be the One, but don't be so sad as if they WERE Someone BECOMES the One by having the stuff you are looking for, and THEN going all in with you to make the relationship as good as it can be A relationship becomes the greatest you've ever had because of the way the two of you can construct it, that is what makes it special Chemistry is not the construction of something. Just chemistry We can have frozen desires, ambition for someone to be at the right time for us, but only we keep it alive, because it stopped evolving a long time ago Be mindful of the stories you are telling yourself or others, because they can keep you stuck. Stories have power And we can get addicted to our thoughts, pain and feelings Ask if your story is evolving in a positive manner, and be strict with yourself if you have to be Stay open to making space for new stories We tend to choose the familiar, even if it hurts us The best things tend to be the ones we didn't plan for Question: in your love life, who is the person you haven't been able to get off your mind, that is your version of frozen desire? That represents the plans you were making or wish you could be making, that are distracting you from the path that you may take, that you didn't intend to take? That leads you to a love far more beautiful and interesting than the hollow dead fairytale you keep telling yourself over and over?

"A millimeter is as good as a mile."

There's someone who stays on my mind, but I decided to treat him like a guide. Eventually I will find the actual right person, but in the meantime I've been discovering what it's like to not want a partner at all. I don't hold out hope for that person or go on the hunt for a replacement. I've just never allowed myself to be single in my head, even though i've been single my whole life. I'm getting to know what I want regardless of how it looks to men--my clothes, home decor, future plans, they are all based on what I want for the first time. I don't close the door on meeting someone, but for the first time in my almost 50 years, I'm not trying to fill the void. I'm just getting to know me and leaving the door open for someone willing to be the right person. I grieved the 'frozen desire', wrote him a letter and buried it in the sand of a beach I always wanted to be proposed to. When you've said your piece and done what you reasonably could, you have to let it go. What you can do is all that can be done. And it's been great getting to know myself without a Man Filter on my actions :)

I had an aha moment in this. When you said that a relationship is something you actively construct together. As an artist, it made sense to me - like, just because you can draw really well doesn't make you an artist...it's you deciding to actively engage in art-making on a regular basis. If there's no constructing something together, there's no relationship (only chemistry).. chemistry and talent are sparks that can ignite, but they are not the fire. A fire takes time to build and energy to maintain.

This is a very good talk for men especially. They are the ones that get hit the hardest long term after a breakup

“ Reminding a pervious experience breaths a lot of life into an experience “ that’s a good one ! Moving on is hard and essential

Mathew, I would like to thank you so much. I'm currently undergoing the stage of breakup and it was too tough on me. Couldn't focus on my exams, feeling numb and upset all day. But things are improving now. It's all because of you. I still feel sad about it here and then but it's not that bad now. Your videos have helped me a lot. Whenever I go through some severe pain because of my breakup, I turn up towards your videos. It actually feels as if I'm asking you for help and you're sitting in front of me and advising me. Thank you so much ❤️

I love the idea that we should suffer for what we lost that was, not what it could have been. And it applies to a relationship that one is in, which has this unsurmountable difficulty... like, the perfect match on so many levels but there's no respect nor care involved. So you keep on beating the dead horse, keep on repeating the same errors for years in hope that something will change. So I will think about this now, think about what this relationship is, not what I wish it were, not just the highlights - but the manipulation, the disrespect, etc.

Love it! Went down the Levels with my Ex - Level 1 Level 2 Level 3 Level 4 - Everything - and even tho we already were at Level 4, he took back his commitment and went to Level 2 straight, broke up after 3 months out of nowhere in a very very hard time for the both of us. So well, the commitment Part hit me. Thank you!

I’m also going thru a break up and I was in love with someone who she wasn’t, constantly disrespecting me and would never care to listen to how I feel or how things would make me feel uncomfortable, I did many wrong things to her for me to grab her attention so she could understand how I was hurting, you have to be someone who has the same values as you and expectations, we started off wrong and I gave in so easy without her deserving me, that’s probably why she disrespected me and now she left as a victim and I understand that she never really loved me

I met my boyfriend too young. I knew we had to have some time on our own to discover ourselves before being in a life-long relationship. I broke up with him to give us both time to learn to grow by ourselves. I keep telling myself if we are meant to be we will be. It really was right person wrong time. If I had met him 10 years from now it would have been so right.

You two make the best team. I’ve been listening to you Matthew for so long and you’ve helped me a lot with my love life. And now Audrey you bring much more depth to Matthew’s advice by bringing to the table the reasons we might struggle to apply those advices

This ❤️ Everything happens for a reason & that’s all you need to move on from these kinds of situations… You’ll find out eventually in the end why it didn’t work out 🔮

Mr and Mrs Hussey, congratulations on your marriage. I wish and pray blessings on to your union. I love you both.

I needed to receive this message. This episode really spoke to me. I appreciate Audrey & Matt for sharing their conversations with us.

Hey Matthew, been listening to your podcasts, since last 3 days and its helping me alteast feel better and recover from PTSD of this awful few years of being closed off and sadness and daydreaming about right person, wring time. Phew! such a relief, still need more time ( it's been 8 years but making some progress)

I am going through a breakup 💔 😞now ...I just want to forget everything and move on from my life

I love Matthew and Audrey. Love all the advice and fresh points of view. This video, though, is my ultimate favorite. I'm listening to it on repeat. A heart crushing breakup in which I was dumped has had me ruminating and not living in my reality. Listening to this until I really believe and feel the man who dumped me was a good man, but not the right man.

This is the most dark I've seen Matthew Hussey talk. Lovin it.

Audrey speaks for so many of us….🙏

So appreciate hearing the way you put things. Sooo clarifying. Helps with the way it's muddied in my head

After nearly four years, this posted video is like a long-awaited 🎁 hiding under the 🎄!! Finally!! I have not lost "The One"! This supposed "One" never got away from me, because those guys who did were never the one. And there is no such thing as "right person, right time"!! I had been correct all along. Thank you for confirming this!!

I love all your videos but my favorite ones are the ones with Audrey 🤗🩷

Epic & Spot On conversation. Just amaaaazing you two 👏👏👏👏

I have never felt as aligned to someone else’s experience as I have with your path and your story. I’m deep into your book now and it’s a beautiful roller coaster of emotions. I am currently going through a break up with someone I was sure was “the one.” Your book and your content are comforting and reassuring. Thanks for continuously sharing your thoughts and experiences with us.

My ex-fiance blindsided me and left me under two weeks ago. I have been through the darkest grief since. 17:10 of this video spoke to me in a way that no one else has been able to, it’s profound. Thank you so much.

I needed to hear this. From time to time I ask myself - Do I really LIKE him?

in attachment trauma psychology this is called limerence. Those interested can look it up.

"Living the story" thing is like a great book. Sometimes you have to put it on the shelf, but you're always going to be drawn back to it, no matter how well your real life goes.

Excellent episode, thanks! Very true that real life is not a rehearsal and happens whether you're ready or not. You don't get a second chance to say, "I'm ready now, can I try again?"

Thank to this video.. im stuck to a story i never got to live... It has been 27 yrs and now i can move forward. The one that got away is just someone who is not meant to stay.

Audrey is right on about the memories and talking about them. The science is called memory cell structure and it fires, gets fed, whenever we revisit it. Keeps us stuck if we don't learn to shift away of it.

I agree with all these explanations, especially the timing issue. Timing is extremely important. All these reasons are very reasonable. However, we must also go beyond the logical. The more you learn about past lives and the importance of certain people in your life, the more you learn about the why. Many people live their entire lives through all phases and yet go back to a specific moment that they feel was meant for them. For example, my uncle had a baby when he was a teenager with a girlfriend. He moved to the US for work, she left her daughter with his parents and she disappeared. She fell off the face of the earth. All this while they were still in a relationship. Years later, they found out she had passed in her 30s. He had moved on, even had other children. He's in his 70s now and he STILL says she was the real love of his life. He still grieves her. Now, logically you can say "then he never had other fulfilling relationships," or "he just got stuck in the past." But he did have great relationships. Wonderful women. Yeah, logically, you can say that. But some things are emotional. Some things can't be explained. Perhaps you have that right after having lived 70 plus years to be able to dictate who was the love of your life. I myself was in a relationship for 16 years and I broke it off a couple of years ago. Somehow, I do feel he was my soul mate. No one on this planet understands me the way he does. He knew what I was thinking before I even said anything and vice versa. I am in a new relationship and although I do feel like I love him and we have a very special bond, there is a part of me that knows that this person will never fully comprehend me the way the other one did. I may never find that again. I may live my entire life believing this and this may remain true. And by the way, my ex feels the same way. Obviously, there were things I was not happy with, hence the rupture, but I would be lying if I said I didn't think about going back or toy with the thought of what life could look like right now for us. Logically, you can say a lot of things, and you would be right. But emotionally it's a totally different story. My cousin was in a 5 year relationship with someone she was deeply in love with. For cultural reasons (he's Lebanese and Muslim), they couldn't be together. She eventually married a really great guy, had three children, and they have a fabulous life. Yet, deep down, she feels cheated of what could have been. Her ex is also married with children, but they still keep in contact mostly for work (they're both attorneys). She feels that although she adores her husband, the true love of her life was her ex. He has also expressed the same thing. Unfair to their spouses, perhaps. There hasn't been any infidelity here, not even close. But we're talking about the emotional. Humans and life in general are so complex, that we cannot fit everything into the rational or the logical boxes. There will exist things beyond what words can explain, things that only those people have lived through and know the true value of their connection. And by the way, going back to the past lives reference - if you learn about the connections people have, whether it's love, family, friendships, you learn about the meaning they had in your previous lives and how or why things happen in this lifetime. I'm very new to the subject, but it's fascinating to read about.

But I did lose "the one" what we had was so beautiful and i dont think i can love someone like I loved him and i dont think someone could love me the way he did..

Wow, exactly what I needed. Saving this to listen to again sometime.

I really needed to hear this today. Thank you!

Breakups are similar to the death of a loved one, except the person is still around somewhere. It's an endless loop of "I miss that person" -> "We'll never relive the moments of bliss together" - > Feeling bad -> Get out of the mental hole, remembering the breakup happened for a reason -> Stop overthinking, it was not meant to be. Breakups heal, but the PTS from two very heart felt breakups piles up over time, a third breakup would be too much, on the third time I will try my very best until I',m ready.

Well said both Matthew and Audrey! So happy ive got both your books and starting to read them now thanks Matthew. I know exactly where you're coming from and how you've delivered it is perfect! ❤

My issue is that even after no longer speaking about it, the rumination never stopped for me

I have to see him everyday but we dont speak since two weeks, he ignores me. He became cold and distant. I found out about his girlfriend today, she works in the same company. Im crying because it got to me he was lying.❤

With so many things having to align for a successful relationship I may as well give up now.

After decades of heartache, pain, and rejection, I have become focused on my dream of having a cabin in the mountains. I have retreated to a fantasy world where the risk of one more failed relationship is exactly zero.

I'm loath to admit it, but as valuable and wise as this pod's content was, I was distracted for most of its duration by just how GORGEOUS Audrey's hair is!

Any advice on on getting over someone when you have so much regret and can’t stop thinking about them my mind is driving me crazy

The girl I ended things with wasn't just a girlfriend, she was a very special friend. We met online and she was the only girl I really hit it off with. We knew each other for five years and tried dating a few times but she always dialed things back to just friends, which disappointed me, because I really wanted things to get serious between the two of us. When we finally tried for a serious relationship a lot of things surfaced, which made me realize that a serious relationship was just not meant to be and why she wanted to be just friends. Even when we were just friends, we still had super great times together and made a lot of special memories. It wasn't me that ended things. It was my parents. I never thought I'd ever want to be just friends with a girl at my age, but the special connection I had with this girl makes me wish I still had her in my life.

I have been so beartroken recently when a guy I had a soul mate connection with changed his mind about going out together. I met him at work and it seemed we both fancy each other. Today I found out he has a girlfriend of many years and I was only a side option for him.😢

How I love both of you❤. You cannot imagine how by delivering this knowledge you help me to manage my love life and help me to find my man❤ Thank you a lot. God bless both of you with endless love❤

This video is exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you.

I just want that one to talk about my day with. I don’t know if that’s selfish but I just like the company. I don’t know how to be secure on my own.

You guys talk a lot about this topic and make good points but what about meeting someone who is living in a different country? You could argue then that that person is "right person wrong time" if they have a career they have to go back to etc and your lives don't make sense financially to bring it together at that very moment. You can't just dismiss that person as the wrong person. Sometimes it takes time to bring two people together, you can't expect someone to just appear in your environment or city and somehow have this fantastic connection. Sometimes life takes time when you meet someone special. Would love to hear more scenarios that are realistic

This conversation was so informative and so beneficial. Thank you 🫶🏻🙏🏻🌷

Thank you for your ambition talk. I'm looking for someone, and when we meet, it'll be something I will allow in my life.

I have a distant relationship with a guy and we are both commited in the sense that we are faithful to each other, but it's been a year and he didn't want to meet in person yet

He sounds exactly like Daniel Radcliffe

Many thanks for your wise council. Relationships are vital to our health and well being. You and your beautiful wife have chosen such a valuable line of communication. I do wish I had known these gems of truth earlier on in my life.

Audrey is so beautiful and has great insights❤ and Matt you are so wise.

I broke his heart, I left a 4 year relationship. We went through a lot together and we were going strong, then I moved continents, I needed him to be more communicative, more present.. I communicated my needs to him. He ghosted me for a while .. then I got swayed by the love bombing of another man. And I broke his heart. 2 years now and I can’t find forgiveness for myself.. i feel like he is the one. The one that got away.

he was abusive. he always dumps me when we had argument, call himself "I'm the best man you'll ever be with! you're ungrateful b***"..for years I believed it. but now I just don't know

Yes i know a 92 year old writer and the attraction is there but we are just friends..i'm 51.We would definately have been lovers in another life....❤

This just hurts so much . Thank you for all your videos but realizing this just hurts

So good. I loved this. I am struggling with this very issue.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 i'm dying, Shakespeare, right friend wrong time.... beyond..... 😂😂😂😂😂😂😀😀

Spot on Matthew👍🏽👍🏽I needed to hear this

But you said when you met Audrey you pulled away for a bit and then tried to come back and she said you were trying to make a bid for attention essentially and then you guys came apart before coming back together again. So now you guys are married so how can you say if it's not the right time that it's not the right time?

Really helped ! My frozen desire had to go ! Thank you for sharing real things available.

This is so helpful, your insight is very interesting.

Love your content Matthew!! This video was particularly helpful. I have noticed something super minor whenever Audrey is on your content. Sometimes she makes these banger comments that are super impactful for me, and then you respond without really validating the powerful thing she just said. Would love to see her deep comments more appreciated by you.

Issues of abandonment and rejection that are born from our primary caregivers shape us emotionally to be literally programmed to what I call emotionally familiar territory. That which feels familiar can in many cases be toxic. The unintended consequence of the human condition are at work when we gravitate towards that which often feels familiar. Rejection, abandonment, abuse even, can and often is a place where we have survived for many years.

I don‘t mean to be disrespectful because she is so, so much more than that but, Audrey is eye candy.

Even if you obtain your fairytale….(I have dated two crushes in a row)… Sometimes it’s not what you need in your life… And it can then be harder to accept the truth…. Love is messy…and real love happens in real time…💕

I had breakup yesterday with whom i want to marry.. It was my 8years relationship.. He broke up..Its his decision.. He blocked me on everything.. actually he wanted our relationship to break since 2023.But i still want him..Because i am 27.. and i think i wont get anyone like him as i am deeply in love with him..i am very much afraid what if he marries someoneelse after few months..how to get over this situation idk..i feel depressed all the time and cant focus on my career..

Audrey's insights starting at 26:09 re: talking about the story with friends, resurrecting the memories, and continuing to do so repeatedly for years after a breakup-and consequently staying stuck in that-was one of the most invaluable pieces of knowledge I've received since my breakup two years ago. Thank you so much, Audrey! Absolutely profound. Saved this video so I could continue to return to it and give myself that reminder whenever I need it! 🩷

Just whow! This talk just changed my life thank you so much!