Problem being men usually don't care about vulnerability and they are the desperate ones, not the lady, but it's blamed on the lady in a masculine driven society. Keep smiling.

Too much vulnerability is desperation

@@scottstewart8737 ???

This. I am keeping this forever.

Showing yourself as you are is also a sign of being mature, if the person doesn’t meet me three is his problem not mine

This 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Awesome mindset 💯💞

I do the same and i always felt superior or above getting hurt, i thought i was winning at dating. I am still single though so the joke is on me. I want the real deal but I think I've wasted too much time toying or judging people based on little things instead of focusing on the big picture....

@@emmagalvin3254 I don't view the people in my life with judgment but with empathy and acceptance for who they are. In the past I use to try too hard, which is an awful, devaluing practice. Now I stop just before or as soon as I cross that emotional boundary. It's not out of fear or arrogance (which is just concealed insecurity), my boundaries come from confidence, self-care, and practicality. I've worked incredibly hard on myself and only want my inner circle to be people who value me. So I won't waste time on people who don't value me. It's fine if they don't like me "enough." There are plenty of people I don't like enough. That's just being human. I try to keep my heart, mind, and time free so I'm available and proactive to meeting the right people.

Yes, exactly ! And it works perfectly, I’ve done this too

❤

I’ll add more on that. If your truest version of yourself is not for someone, then they’re not right for you; at the moment. Moment meaning wrong time, wrong place, or just, circumstances. Time - age for example Place- location for an example Circumstances - they probably have a responsibility, that could damage the relationship naturally. For example if someone wants to move. But the other person wants to stay. Maybe having a responsibility on keeping their job for example that they’ve removed to a different location.

I LOVE THIS THINKING! I’m not going to feel ashamed for HOW I love. Just move on to someone who appreciates HOW I LOVE❤

Thank you! was going have to relisten cause I was trying to remember this exact statement lol

GREAT THOUGHTS ✨

Smart. Even 2 days is lots of time to wait. Snooze you lose

I have learned that busy people are not into phones like we are....question the individual without projecting your views on them😊

​@@cayennesinivassinel6977Thats very true. Calling someone out in polite and friendly way, might actually work

@@cayennesinivassinel6977Nope. That is an excuse. I had a “friend” do a similar thing. I asked if she could get together for an event. I asked on a Thursday morning, the event was the next week on a Saturday. I waited 3 days didn’t hear anything so I called to ask, she didn’t respond. Then on the Friday before the event (on a Saturday) I texted and asked, again no response from her. So I went to the event alone. TWO WEEKS LATER, she calls me and says sorry, she had decided to go to Chicago with her family on that day and was busy. Yet she COULDN’T bother to call nor text and let me know. I ended the friendship. One of the best decisions I ever made. From my life experiences with others, PEOPLE WHO USE BEING BUSY AS AN EXCUSE ARE SELFISH AND INCONSIDERATE. They are using “being busy” to get away with doing and saying all kinds of rude, selfish and inconsiderate things. They know that if they say they are “busy” it gives them a shield to get away with all kinds of shady things. In this day and age of the different ways to communicate and how easy it is, THERE IS NO EXCUSE.

@@cayennesinivassinel6977​​⁠Nope. That is an excuse. I had a “friend” do a similar thing. I asked if she could get together for an event. I asked on a Thursday, the event was the next week on a Saturday. I waited 3 days didn’t hear anything so I called to ask, she didn’t respond. Then on the Friday before the event (on a Saturday) I texted and asked, again no response from her. So I went to the event alone. TWO WEEKS LATER, she calls me and says sorry, she had decided to got to Chicago with her family on that day. Yet she COULDN’T bother to call nor text and let me know. I ended the friendship. From my life experiences with others, PEOPLE WHO USE BEING BUSY AS AN EXCUSE ARE SELFISH AND INCONSIDERATE. They using “being busy” to get away with doing and saying all kinds of rude, selfish and inconsiderate things. In this day and age of it being easy to communicate in so many different ways, people who use “being busy” are using it as a shield to do and say all kinds of shady things.

😘 hugs 🤗

I’ve done this three times now in my 35 years of life. Getting rejected has stung, I’m not going to lie, but never having to wonder “what if?” is so wonderful. It would kill me with each of them constantly wondering if they were just too shy or hesitating for some reason; knowing that they didn’t want to reciprocate my feelings freed me up.

Thank you for your post, Stephanie. I'm 65 and I need to learn this lesson. I wait for them to lead and once there's an established something there, then I'm a bit braver but sometimes that scares them off as they just assumed I was not one who leads and they can't accept that perhaps I can at times.

Very helpful. In my 60’s abt to Re-enter dating world for first time in yikes 48!!!! years. Refreshingly new to think I can be out there and wait….or wonder what if? Thank you and best wishes 🌷

You old haggards still get men !! What kind of men are they !!

That's what my stalker did 😱🤷🏻‍♀️

@@grabbelton HAahahhaha

Unless they’re shy

Shoot yes! Now slap that into me!!! Please 🙏 😢

I agreed. When they not want to be with you don’t want to commit they’ll give you a bunch of excuses

It's nice to say that and I think a lot of people wish they could just do that, but the problems are when feelings are involved. When you actually like the person, you'll try to make it work and read into little things to fill in the gaps that they're leaving.

@@TheLunablackheart I understand. However, these videos usually center around brand new relationships. There shouldn't be much emotion involved in the beginning. Projection, maybe.

What if I’m ALWAYS the one to initiate contact and it’s her that will leave it all day without texting ME?

@@XoXo475 then she's not into you

@@XoXo475 Then she is probably playing hard to get or, more likely, she is just super busy a lot and forgets because at this point you are not YET a priority. I know I am that way because I have a demanding job. The guy I have been seeing off and on for years (I keep moving out of state an back) is the same way. He will literally responding to a text from the night before at 5:00 pm and say he literally just saw it. I know he likes me but a lot of girls would wonder by his sometimes pokiness. But, like me, he works a ton of hours because he is a vice president and has a lot going on. Don't listen to barabrawinslow. My daughter is engaged to be married to a guy and she let him do all the chasing. I bet if she hadn't they wouldn't have ended up falling in love the way they did!!! You said, "all day." People are working during the day.

Giulia BarberaAr.. Are you saying ture.?

Actually surprised about the amount of women watching these videos

@@Vepporizer Mat is a handsome lad

Proud of you for recognising this! Now you know and you can make space for someone worthy x

It’s great that you noticed his behavior early on. Men who show no interest other than crumbs of his time (to make it seem like interest) just want an ego boost unfortunately😏

I applaud your comment!

I was just an ego boost, alright!

Thank you for sharing. I’ve learned something from your experience ❤

I think you need to see more than 1 rather than 1 by 1 because if it's still early he's probably doing that too.

I'm the opposite. If I've just met a guy, I don't expect them to be actively pursuing me. Why would they, we just met, they don't know how awesome I am, and vice versa. I've found the actively pursuing part happens after a few months of casual dating.

Read your comment. If you were a man would you want to be with a woman like you ?

You sound entitled and demanding. If there is true attraction between two people it just happens and there are no expectations or "rules". I don't think you would say the same thing if you truley liked a guy.

@XLR 8 only a guy will comment like this...none thinks mem are dogs just because you chase a little, if men are dogs then that means women shouldn't chase either right? You're immature and clearly needn't bother commenting if that's your comment. Uneducated and clearly poorly brought up!

Well said... everyone needs to be the most important person in their own life.

I don’t agree either. I think this dilemma is often seen in those w less experience of life & in those who perhaps haven’t invested in a spiritual perspective. It is very helpful to pursue such a Middle Way.

We’ll said! 👏👏

!!!!! Thank YOU

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Personal Development is one of the best things you can do for yourself - because, we as human beings, we’re supposed to embrace growth! So make sure you find your Purpose in life - whatever it might be, and work on it daily, and continue to make progress, because progress is - really the key to happiness. But don’t do it for any girl or guy, make sure you’re doing it for yourself - and just be happy! Anyway, that’s my two cents. -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips

Actually this is very tricky to spot especially when one is emotionally invested in the relationship that’s why it’s important to use the mind along with the heart. Actions are so important to watch here to really see the situation for what it is. And this is where we get confused so we start lying to ourselves… may be this … may be that.We are too scared to accept what we really see. But sooner or later, this would uncover so better to do it now than linger it on.

@@raginisharma9302 for sure. Always important to be yourself and be aware of the other persons actions:)

@@carlosverde-datingtips7001 so true!:)

@@costelloandlizzievolk2233 thanks! I appreciate it.

Thank you! I needed to hear this! I have very low motivation for dating now, after a lot of dates last year, but I didn't got so much out of it. Working on myself is a thing I can control myself though.

I've had the same unintended result - I was very happily single and intending to stay that way - when love in epic proportions came into my life and changed things in the most perfect way 💕

I have this kind of relationship too and people around me see it.. Advice me that I should take care of it and appreciate it. I do appreciate it being stress free and chase free, however, I am afraid, I do not like the guy enough. If I am being honest, I do not feel like I like him enough as a person, but I like how the relationship feels safe, stress free and trustworthy. Please help.

@@ladyinred3735if you don’t like him enough. Eventually you will leave him. You will break his heart eventually no? So why stay with him if you don’t like him that much?

Yes .my take as well...not into feeding the game playing.

Thank you ❤

Good comment.

Also important to not expect men to be hairy women though 😆

@@sharhfuleven male friends will respond to their male friends with a meme or on another platform like she stated

Good way to look at it. I have started to call dating 'romantic friendship building' lol.

My best friend -She texts me every single day, first thing in the morning and right before bed, consistently tells me every day how much she loves me, she sends gifts often, is literally my favorite to talk to.

Same situation and after I moved on he woke and realized I was the one that got away and many years later we are now back together getting married. He said, he thought I knew and he was out getting his life together and creating a place for us. Make them talk. Be honest with your feelings and if they still make no change then walk. Yes, "someone has to make the first move"

@@mariek4362 it took him years to realise??

@@How.Dare.You. no about a year and I had moved on.

This is why I have decided from the get go I will have standards I will not back down on. If the guy cannot meet me there, I will not be rejecting him, he will be walking away. It will make things easy. He will not get girlfriend behavior if he does not treat me like a girlfriend. I will not commit to him if he does not commit to me. He will not get last minute hangouts until we are a couple, if he can't value and respect my time (and me) enough to ask me out on proper dates, then he will not see me. There's more. And P.S. I think every single and dating girl should read all the books by Bruce Bryans.

@@ShortGirlsClimbCounters yes, spot on. Life does throws us curveballs sometime though.

Your words are very accurate in my experience.

i agree 💯

@@Yogis406 I just see it like this, I know how I act when I’m not interested in a man so if a man is acting the same way I do/did when I wasn’t interested in a man then he isn’t interested. When I wasn’t interested in a man I wasn’t engaged in anything they did and that’s the same way a man acts when he isn’t interested in a woman!

I totally agree with your assessment. It is true that if a man is into you, you will know! There won’t be any guessing game.

@@Beautytrends77 right! This is why that film he’s just not that into you is so great. Our intuition never lies and it pays to listen.

Past behavior predicts future behavior. How you act in a relationship now will usually predict how you’ll be in the future. Be authentic yet let the person go when they do not share your values and intentions.

Exactly. All a man wants is having the confidence that his emotional effort is worth pursuing the girl and it is going to be reciprocated. Most men are not those who can choose but those who are chosen and who can only accept the offer. Therefore, they don't like to show their feelings to girls who hasn't made it clear how they feel about them. Often when a guy shows his feelings fast (which is not anything to blame them for or consider desperation, it is just the unstoppable mechanism ingrained in male nature to engage quickly; after all, even most confident men can infatuate after one date) he is rejected because this is perceived as desperation, whereas it is just the sign of pure interest. Hence, he needs to wait untill the girl is vulnerable to him as first because this is perhaps the best indicator that she is treating him seriously, and so will not reject him if he finally shows his feelings back to her.

How about men trying to be brave for a change?

I'm not setting myself on fire to keep anyone warm. @lmr Some women just aren't... accountable adult human beings.

@@Lmr271 what does that mean? Brave to do (or be) what?

@@venet5024 you`ve explained that so well! I find myself being a vulnerable male when someone catches my genuine interest, I take initiative and show it, with reassurance and caress ... although, this always seems to backfire on me, she steps down or simply runs away, leaving me with a hole inside, blaming myself for my willingness to commit.

exactly!!

A know a lot of men who never bring up "a challenge", when it comes to traits they're looking for in a woman. Men are challenged in a lot of aspects of their life already, and in marriage you'll often take on even more challenges together, like raising children, caring for aging parents, etc, so why would men or women look for someone who challenges them. Many men are looking for someone who's enthusiastic about them, and supports them. I think a lot of people want people who they perceive as slightly out of their league, so they also might think they want a challenge, since someone out of your league would be very challenging to get interest from, but take some super model and have her proactively try to get a relationship from some average guy, and see if he's not totally into it regardless of challenge. It's even kind of a movie trope in movies targeting men, that some really attractive women is into the nerdy main character for basically no reason. If you make yourself a challenge, to get men who wouldn't like you if you're not a challenge, then you're setting yourself up to get a man who isn't very mature. You can't be a challenge indefinitely, so how long do you have to make yourself a challenge for him to stay interested? Just the first few weeks, a month or more, for five or six years till you can't keep it up and he leaves cause now he's bored?

Yes! And from a polarity point, this would be leading (masculine) with desired outcome expected

At the same time men are lazy, at least they are in my country and want everything on their terms

Don't worry about being a challenge to any man. Always be a challenge for your own self...watch how great your life will be when you remember you and forget about him.

Yes, it’s easy to get caught up in the details and overthink it, but it really boils down to this. It’s not that hard to figure out.

This is a dangerous way of thinking. You may miss a few good chance to get a good man

Not true, most men have self respect

@@dipanggilmas3189 ⁠No it’s true. After years of experience, I can definitely tell when a guy is interested genuinely in me and when he just wants his ego stroked (I cut those guys off quickly as soon as I realize it), they are a waste of time. BAD MEN will breadcrumb you if let them. Don’t be so desperate for a relationship that you can’t see it.

Sounds entitled, why is it the man's responsibility to move anything so you feel wanted, I think both parties are responsible in showing each other they want each other by nurturing there relationship seed. Either you both nurture it, because if you don't the seed will die before it even has a chance to grow.

You are somebody else's prayer. And she will find you. 🤗

@@july821that was rly heart warming, thank you! God bless you

I also got a good feeling from hearing this. My motivation for dating is really low now, so I need a shift in mindset.

@@h0nof I feel you...

those two lines were also probably the most powerful message of this video

The guy I like never texts or calls me and we hardly if any have any conversations at all

Ok, so now after hearing this I'm going to message da guy I like and acknowledge him...that way I'm not sounding desperate

@@joditawhai7844 You know actually when I was in this kind toxic relationship when you need ask for attention nothing helps. If you say I am not ok with how things going he always will turn table on you or find very serious reasons why he is too busy and bla bla even if he is online all day. Why we need this pain ? There are many other guys who know how to treat woman well and makes us happy. I can't imagine someone who really cares about you and in all day has no time to ask how are you doing.

@@aurainshape this is because mn have to earn and you just live off them.. that's why you have all the time in the world 🌎 but they don't have any

@@Deb_deCoder Nice point of view but woman also earning and has a lot to do. Even more because kiss, home and etc.

LOVE THIS COMMENT! No regrets. WE were good to them. Their loss🤷🏾‍♀️😁

Yeah, he needs to let the other two talk a bit more

is that hard? i don't know what mine is. I guess it's a bad one if I'm not willing to give any man a chance, ask out random men I am not interested in or choose men on dating sites that live 40 miles away.

@@kaiyodei I think it takes some work and willingness to change patterns of behavior but is SO worth it. Our attachment styles just are how we try to get our needs met based on our previous experiences.

So true I feel this

Whhv... U said it. I did love more than I ever thought. N imagine at some point they know they have you in their fingers and take you for granted. No. I gave up. I only love myself now. I enjoy my every day with all my energy focused to better myself. Diet, self care, investment for my kids n I just sleep happy. I have simply become my own goddess. I scream with joy. At first I thought I was going crazy the joy I felt after letting him go. Just go. I won't hold on to this anymore. I won't put effort to keep it together. Just go.

Beautiful insight

I think that is his fiancé!!!

@@pattylizzy Yes, she is! She's so lovely. :)

@@pattylizzy Wow...Wondering how did they become compatible couple..Whats their secret..🤔Comparing notes..☺️😉 Wishing them happiness & all the best..💃🕺🙏💖😍

Good job! I wish I found this kind of advice when I was 20!

@Mwansa Mumdea Be yourself, for yourself. There's no fairytale answer and life's too short for BS. Fill each other's cup, and do what you got to do. Do unto others... If they don't reciprocate, don't waste your time or life on them.

Yes improvement is necessary until our last breath. 👍🏼

Very mature and spot on comment, this is the best life philosophy basically. Growth mindset

Good comment. Refinement is always necessary. 🎯🙏🏻

100% AGREE!! A woman's touch ;)

I agree. She is serving as the stand in for the audience. I REALLY think this is a great approach, I hope he includes her more. His brother has his own role which is great but the perspective of a woman is sooo needed.

That’s His fiancée 😂

I don’t agree. I don’t think she adds much thoughtfulness rather regurgitates what he’s saying

Great podcast, thank you! Audrey was so helpful in voicing the typical concerns a number of women might initially have with this approach. And Matthew did such a wonderful job of taking the time to explain the different scenarios. Great team, you two! I got out of my comfort zone and tried the approach last night and the response I received was very positive. 😅