My Honest Advice to Single Women Who Want a Family
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“How and when should I have the conversation that I want marriage and kids?”
Good question! And definitely a tricky subject for most people. We are told to be honest about what we want, but we also worry about scaring someone off if we bring it up too soon.
In today’s video, I give you 6 practical steps to help you determine if someone shares your goals and timeline, figure out exactly what you want (and come up with a plan for each possibility), and approach these conversations in a natural and confident way.
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 2:12 - Dating When You Want a Family
2:12 - 4:45 - Step #1: Be Clear About Your Path
4:45 - 9:07 - Step #2: Know Your Options
9:07 - 15:05 - Step #3: Communicate Where You Are in Your Life
15:05 - 17:42 - Step #4: Demonstrate Non-Dependence
17:42 - 21:47 - Step #5: Getting Clear About Goals and Timelines
21:47 - 25:50 - Step #6: Be Honest With Yourself About Relationship Progress
25:50 - 28:30 - Brand-New Free Guide: Spark & Connect
@dr.jenniferma3914 5 күн бұрын
The person who wants the same things won't feel pressure. They will feel relieved.
@NadiaRae 19 сағат бұрын
Exactly this!
@ScentualP 4 күн бұрын
I met my 10 years - younger now boyfriend when I was 37. I'm turning 39 in a week and I'm pregnant in 5th month❤ I feel incredibly lucky to have met My person without having to have awkward situations where I explain why them I am in a rush to have kids: he just knew what he was getting himself into and was ready to be a dad sooner than later since I'm close to 40! There are men like this out there and I wish to every woman in this situation to meet someone like my partner. I was ready to be a single mum having not met him though- do what will make you happy and complete !
@j.3069 2 күн бұрын
7 years younger former partner here, said he wanted a family soon and within a years time after our talk about it. Got pregnant 2 months later and his mask fell. He himself said of himself then that he was a covert narcissist and u pushed him in the corner and revealed him. Living he'll since then. I'm glad it worked out for you, I had to kick him out in week 30 because of his constant talks about suicide and "the thing is coming closer ". He grew up without a father . He got ro know his child when she was a year only to vanish again after a couple of weeks because of I assume fear of commitment and responsibility despite being great with her and her having loved every minute of it and him and I still getting on and spending whole days together where he didn't want to leave. I'm so broken for my daughter and almost broken by this man. A child needs their father and a mother the support of the spouse. I'm so glad it worked out for you and wish you the best but also warn us women how great of a risk we take. Its worth it to me because I wanted a child more than a relationship but I'm still shattered.
@amiraayman7213 Күн бұрын
Good luck with your pregnancy ♥️🙏🌹
@Ninsidhe 20 сағат бұрын
@@j.3069 I’m sorry it worked out this way for you and as a child that grew up with a series of step fathers never knowing my bio I can say this- no child needs a *terrible parent* regardless of gender, but in particular a ‘father’ . Partnering is ALWAYS a roll of the dice and men are very, very good with their masks- there are thousands of stories on social media talking about the same switch up that you experienced regardless of age difference, length of relationship, marital status, number of children (the man was ok with the first but not the second, etc). It’s nothing to do with _us_ , it’s built into the dominant male culture and at this point it’s something that culture refuses to address. Focus on your beautiful, wonderful child and do NOT bring another man into your home until you have taught your daughter to speak up strongly if someone does something to her or tries to get her to lie- it’s up to you now to raise her powerfully and with clear eyes. Put the two of you first, be her best model, focus on building your life and wealth for both of you- men are unnecessary in the home for these things, you’re better off forming support networks with other women because healthy women are _supportive_ , a net positive. You’ve got this, mumma. ❤️
@fa_abdi3001 9 сағат бұрын
The majority of women will not met these men. They are rare
@piaxgft5799 8 сағат бұрын
@@j.3069 sadly the norm humans are vile
@majamarinic 7 күн бұрын
1. Be clear with yourself what the path is 2. Know your options 3. Communicate where you are in life 4. Demonstrate non-dependence 5. When it starts to get serious, then we have to get clear about whether they have the same goals on the same timeline 6. Be honest with yourself about whether there is the appropriate level of progress within the relationship as time goes on Beautiful
@rosameijering5161 4 күн бұрын
Thank you❤
@oliviariv Күн бұрын
#2 is the worst. Because the only you can do it by yourself is if you have a good deal of money to throw at the problem. For most people there is no option B.
@piaxgft5799 8 сағат бұрын
bibbity bobbity boo - get fkt
@josiedel2346 6 күн бұрын
I'm 42 and single. I've tried to have a baby during my last 2 serious relationships and it just so happened both of them had fertility issues, so nothing ever eventuated. I don't want to be a single parent so the past few years I've been making peace with the fact I may never have children and I'm OK with that. I'm still hoping I meet my person, I haven't given up on love.
@insyiwinsyi 5 күн бұрын
Sending you love
@LadyK007 5 күн бұрын
❤❤❤❤❤❤
@josiedel2346 4 күн бұрын
@@insyiwinsyi thank you 💖
@em7937 4 күн бұрын
Yes, so many forgot that men have a lot of fertility issues, quite a lot earlier then women.
@ladysoso3725 2 күн бұрын
😢🙏❤️
@deliapasqualini970 8 күн бұрын
Honestly, I do think it's better to let things go the way they have to. I'd love to have a serious and deep connection with a man and eventually to build up a family. I'm 42 yo and I consider myself too old for that. Not because I'm old, but because I know how difficult it is. Therefore, I accept life as it comes. I may be lucky or not. Who cares. I live my wonderful life anyway😊❤
@cloebertrand7605 8 күн бұрын
42 yo too and 🍀
@deliapasqualini970 7 күн бұрын
@@cloebertrand7605 good for you.
@cookWithYuyu2024 7 күн бұрын
I love your life attitude! And I rly think that no matter how much you learned about dating or practiced or tried, in the end luck plays the main role at building family. So yes, "accept life as it comes" ❤
@katcuzzi 7 күн бұрын
Same here! I see my friends with husbands and babies and a small part of me wishes I had that, but a bigger part values my freedom way more! Neither lifestyle is better but they both have their pros and cons. There’s definitely a silver lining.
@user-kj2vo8cx8q 7 күн бұрын
Sister , I am in a similar situation. The pressure of bio clock. But do you think with right partner even late age pregnancy will be stress free.
@andreacovarrubias8871 8 күн бұрын
I did it with the wrong person because I was desperate and ended up as a single mom. I learned that is better to be alone than with the wrong person, I’m committed to enjoy by my life until I find my person and if I don’t that’s okay too
@SagittariusBabe87 8 күн бұрын
That's a beautiful way to look at it.
@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858 7 күн бұрын
Wow I'm sorry.
@victoriaporsiempre 7 күн бұрын
me too! many of us are desperate 😢
@anonuser111 5 күн бұрын
I an planing on doing this. I just can't imagine what life would be like of I don't have a child. I feel like I don't have much choice
@roberth4395 5 күн бұрын
It might be ok, but it will destroy your child. Statistics shows that children raised by single mothers suffer the most later in life and these type of children end up as the most incompetent.
@ZazazaLoo 5 күн бұрын
I'm 31. I am from Ukraine and now I am starting a new life in Europe. I'm learning two languages and I'm enrolled in university. I really want a family. But I wasted my youth on a man who was not ready to choose me, even though we had many years of life together. It's very hard for me to get attached now. I want that, but I also don't want to be neglected. I don't regret not having a child with that man. I think it's an honor to be a father and it's something you have to earn. I deserve to be a woman who's loved. And my future child deserves a good father. Ladies, we can choose a man, but our children don’t.
@Golden-ze5ix 5 күн бұрын
I wish you much success in your new life and I am sure you will have a nice big family❤ Слава Украине
@evew7634 3 күн бұрын
I can relate to you. I emigrated to UK at 22, learnt the language and slowly established myself in a foreign country. Away from family and anything i knew i did pretty well. I had 3 long-term relationships with British men. And it took me way too long to realise that them saying: "of course I want kids and a family one day" meant when they're 40+ and have had their fun years behind them. My naive Polish heart broke after every one of my long-term relationships, landing me still single and childless at 40. I know for a fact that if I stayed in Poland, my kids would have been teenagers by now 😢 Because in Poland family values are still high, and we tend to marry and have children in our late 20s. I feel like I failed in life and I don't know what my purpose in this world is anymore 💔
@yuliyao7347 3 күн бұрын
Oh... sorry for this experience,@evew7634 ! Once, an older friend of mine told me that it's better to wait for the right man (and not have kids), than have kids with the wrong man. It gave me freedom not to be in a rush. I'm 41, single, no kids. Hugs❤
@nzingahoney 3 күн бұрын
@evew7634 you are amazing anyway man or not kids or not just manifest that
@SheWhoSeeksWisdom 2 күн бұрын
@@evew7634 I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you will find peace soon ❤
@katiehuang9565 8 күн бұрын
I’m turning 35 in a month and my previous relationship ended earlier this year. I decided to do an egg freezing treatment for myself to have less anxiety when going back into dating again and can take my time to find the right partner. The process also helped me realise how committed I am to this idea of having a family because of the procedures I had to go through. I’d recommend speaking with a fertility consultant and have this conversation if having a family is your goal. All the best to everyone who is watching this video ❤️
@OE2023 7 күн бұрын
Same I agree!
@catalinahuertasmateus1933 5 күн бұрын
I did that. At 36 divorced because he didnt want babies. I did egg freezing. Went on dating until 40. Did not find the one, and now I did IVF on my own with a sperm doner. I am pregnant, very happy, and regreted not starting earlier this family I wanted so much. Sometimes the biggest blocker is your own mind and conventional ideas.
@Golden-ze5ix 4 күн бұрын
@@catalinahuertasmateus1933I wish you a healthy beautiful baby❤
@isorozco511 3 сағат бұрын
Egg freezing is bullshit lmao sorry you wasted your money
@catalinahuertasmateus1933 Сағат бұрын
@@isorozco511 why? I am pregnant
@DI-yx4it 7 күн бұрын
I met my now ex at 36. At the time I was looking at becoming a single mother by choice with a donor. I told him I was ready to have a family on our first date. He was too. We got married, had two kids, eventually went through a grueling 4 year divorce. Now I am a single working mom. It’s hard as hell. But I wouldn’t give up my children for the world. Life is messy, relationships are complicated, but if you want a child, if that is a life goal… find a way. With a partner, friend, donor… It will be crazy and chaotic and beautiful no matter how you do it! I wish you the best! ❤💫🌺🌈
@janewang4242 6 күн бұрын
Great to see this. I just broke up with an amazing guy because he doesn’t want kids.
@roberth4395 5 күн бұрын
If I were you I would get a new father figure. Only men can raise men and fatherless girls end up In clubs and on tinder.
@jac1161 4 күн бұрын
@@janewang4242 amazing guys are impossible to find.
@jac1161 4 күн бұрын
careless advice with the last two sentences. Just because there was fantasy & unresolved childhood trauma, just going to 'make kids with donor'...... this is shallow and selfish to the children and with my profession, you'd not be so apt to suggest this if you knew what I knew. And how many women I've taken care of with cancers & deaths after "donor" pregnancy, hyper-stimulation...ayy. Better advice: focus on being healthy, whole & healed, find a good man/woman. Period. End there,
@staceylove44 4 күн бұрын
@@jac1161 can I ask what you mean with how many women you’ve taken care of with cancer and deaths after donor pregnancy stimulation. Are you saying this is worse than them doing IVF stimulation even with a partner or that any type of “stimulation” is bad whether doing with a partner or donor sperm. Thank you.
@goremoteasap 8 күн бұрын
Thanks Matt. This is very validating. I had a timeline and goals chat last week with a young gentleman on date 2, after he started telling me what kind of relationship he wanted and asked me what I want. We matched in many ways, but not the timeline. After we parted ways, I smiled at a tiny baby in a stroller and the baby waved at me. I felt like the baby was signaling that I made the right decision. Not an easy decision to part ways when there’s attraction and compatibility, but it’s best to cut things off by date 3 if goals and timelines don’t match. Like ripping a bandaid off, do it quickly. ❤
@nikkyshamz2696 8 күн бұрын
Yes👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I love the courage. You're smart.
@goremoteasap 7 күн бұрын
@@nikkyshamz2696 thank you. It was a mini heartbreak as he’s a true gent who will make a great husband and father one day. I need someone who’s already ready and looking for the mother of his children. I can’t wait years for someone to get ready and risk them changing their mind. Fortunately I only need and want one keeper. This last man upgraded my mental template with his gentlemanly behaviour. ❤️
@Shelyn 7 күн бұрын
That was very brave. I hope the right one comes along soon & you'll be so happy you did what you did.
@goremoteasap 7 күн бұрын
@@Shelyn thank you so much 😊
@ideaWorld403 2 күн бұрын
You absolutely made the right decision. There are many people out there we could be happy with, but being on the same timeline path is vital. Being as intentional as you are gives you the best chance of finding the person you are meant to be with.
@sebnemnisanci 8 күн бұрын
I'm 39 and I'm always very straightforward about my desire to build a family, have a marriage, kids. And the last time I talked about it with a guy, that I met, he started fighting with me about it, telling me marriage is such a huge risk, and women are always focused on love and getting results, they always have an agenda, not wanting to let things be, go with the flow blah blah blah. Trying to make me feel bad for wanting what I want. LOL Men don't understand this. They just don't. They're always in the "let's see where it goes" mood, and they become aggressive and cold when you want to have a clear conversation. Because you're sabotaging his plans about wasting your time. :D
@wf4983 8 күн бұрын
Good for you to have found him out sooner than later. It's ridìculous to say that to a 39 year old. That's gaslighting. But be careful that you don't generalize men. It was just him. Not 'men'.
@raspberrykissable 8 күн бұрын
I find that if I go for more traditional men they are more comfortable with commitment. I don’t date non traditional men at this point. A lot of “modern” men are very selfish and insecure.
@domeatown 8 күн бұрын
"sabotaging his plans to waste your time" 😂 Good soundbyte! I've turned down good men because they wanted kids now. Don't be afraid to keep it moving. I am hoping that you and them connect (probably not you're probably not near me lol) and get to business lmao. They are out there and on the same page. Keep it rollin! Get that man outta here and go find the folks I turned out! Let's all win and have a good time!
@riccia888 8 күн бұрын
Will women pay?
@domeatown 8 күн бұрын
@@riccia888 pay for what? And what a stupid question. When kids are involved, both men and women usually pay in equal amounts because that is how the economy works now
@thecommonsensecapricorn 3 күн бұрын
I’m 26, and I could never say this to my friend, but she’s 37 and single (just “wasted” almost 2 years with a toxic guy she got engaged to after a month, after years of being single and healing), and she’s said numerous times how she never thought she’d be where she is at her age. She thought for sure she’d have a family by this point and how sad she is that she doesn’t. It scares me so much because it shows me how easily that could be me. It’s hard not to rush when you know you could easily be waiting/healing and another 10 years go by, or I meet some loser and spend 5 years with him and then we break up and I’m in the same position again at 31/32.
@KAP866 8 күн бұрын
I am 37 years old, I look younger at least for 10 years, I am economically stable, I have a good job but I have the same problem than Maryam. I dedicated my life to my carreer and my work, when I considerated to have a family, men started to say to me "You deserve someone much better"". I met someone 3 years younger than me, I ended in a third party situation and He left when I lost my first baby ( He was agree to have the baby). Men could be cruel, because even you can bring so much things to the table, then they can say to you, "you deserve someone so muc better"
@fairlyenjoyable 8 күн бұрын
I am so sorry. That's awful. :(
@jessicahitchens6926 8 күн бұрын
Doesn't mean your eggs are 10 years younger. Women get this so confused.. you go into peri from 37 onwards it lasts 14 years or so depending on the woman. I think since you conceived before you should be fine to have a baby. Remember fertility goes off a cliff in a few years time. It's a cruel fact of this world unfortunately.
@andreacristina8345 8 күн бұрын
I’m so sorry for your loss
@jellymila7678 8 күн бұрын
@@jessicahitchens6926 my mum started peri in her late 40s not all women’s bodies are the same. Advise them to see a doc and stop fear mongering.
@oldkayakdude 8 күн бұрын
I was with my ex for 17 years, she was told she would never be able have a child due to endometriosis. We lost 2 to miscarriage. The way you described your situation displays how you looked at the situation (and your life) as very focused on yourself. A good husband/father will seek a partner that sees a family as a team. Might want to talk with a therapist to ensure your approaching it in the right way. I can also tell you that a miscarriage can very much impact a man that is the right person.
@rosaki 5 күн бұрын
I married at 37 started trying for a child only for my now ex to be diagnosed with infertility. Went on to adoption - was 2 weeks away from meeting the baby and he abandoned me and declared divorce over the phone. I am now starting my life again at the age of 44 - I showed loyalty to the wrong man. Chances of having a baby naturally gone chances of going through the adoption process again too traumatising.
@Ammi1988 2 күн бұрын
I’m so sorry. Sending you love ❤
@Monk7791 2 күн бұрын
💔
@amandah1875 2 күн бұрын
Did you pressure him into what you wanted? It sounds like it but I don't know.
@rosaki 2 күн бұрын
@@amandah1875no unfortunately adoption was all his idea. He desperately wanted us to do this. We even moved cities because of his job. Spent most weekends with his family. So no pressure there
@Red_1976 2 күн бұрын
@@amandah1875I doubt she pressured him. He would know what she wants at this age. My partner at the time did the same to me, but at least I got the best out of our relationship.
@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858 7 күн бұрын
The only people who get "pressured" or who don't like to think about having children with you (even if the timing is wrong) are those men who didn't really WANT you in the first place. ..If an accidental pregnancy should happen but its not the right time, as long as it's with the RIGHT person, then it shouldn't matter!.. It's not everyday you meet and connect with someone you think is your other half.
@nodiggity8746 5 күн бұрын
i think you meant to put the emphasis on YOU and not WANT
@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858 2 күн бұрын
@@nodiggity8746 ?? I meant every word because I'm just telling the truth. Twist it how you want. Couples who have "accidental" pregancies where the man truly wants it will never make it hard or run away. He'd consider it as a happy accident! A welcome one.
@nodiggity8746 2 күн бұрын
@@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858 you misunderstood my comment. I didn't mean to offend you in any way, I just meant to say that the format in which you wrote the sentence was maybe wrong. Like in the sentence "he didn't want you" I think the capital letters should have been YOU. I don't know how you interpret my comment the way you did 😂😂😂
@loukia1568 7 күн бұрын
Its not about how actually young the guy is, it's about emotional maturity and his timeline, I dated someone who was 50 going on 15! : (
@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858 7 күн бұрын
Wow.
@tanishanightingale 6 күн бұрын
Me too. He was 62
@anonanon7553 6 күн бұрын
@@tanishanightingale well how old are you? If there's a big age difference that can show immaturity in itself that he would go for someone that young, but not in every case.
@tanishanightingale 5 күн бұрын
@@anonanon7553at the time I was 35
@isaakhall8538 8 күн бұрын
I’m not a woman (or gay) but these videos are still very thought provoking and it is nice to see the female perspective in dating since I don’t have any in my life to have these conversations with
@agatawska8456 8 күн бұрын
I think Matthew is telling important things for both man and women and maybe if more men would open for this kind of knowlege there would be less bad relationships.
@JJmikra 7 күн бұрын
It's also applicable to men who want family. Men have some more years to wait but not too many more unless you're Leonard DiCaprio
@xdxdxdxd4575 7 күн бұрын
@@JJmikraahhh he just thinks, that he has, but not really!
@bella3636 5 күн бұрын
Famous and rich men can wait all the time they want/need. Look at George Clooney 😅 and there are even more extreme cases. Even if the kids are not their first nor second.
@xdxdxdxd4575 5 күн бұрын
@@bella3636 everybody can wait till she/he wants, if they know they don't wanna have kids.
@maii87 7 күн бұрын
As a single mom who hasn't dated since becoming pregnant because the other person left, I want to encourage every single mom out there: you’ve got this. You don’t need to make anyone like you or impress anyone. The right person will accept you and your child just as you are. Remember, it's important not to burden your partner with your past baggage, expect them to be a parent to a child that isn't theirs, or wait for them to love or accept your child’s behavior problems. If you're over a certain age and unable to have more children with your partner, you can’t turn back time. You and your child will always be a package deal, so don’t worry too much about the “what ifs” or “whys.” Just do what’s right and always believe that what isn’t meant for you will leave. Your child is closely watching how you change, how you handle your emotions, and how you cope when things aren’t going well. Try not to be a broken example. Don’t let your child feel that life is hard, even when it is. Laugh when you can, be genuine, and above all, remain authentic.So while you are taking time thinking of the partner and if he likes you and your child, think as well of the child, and what they need, we are moms now, and we need to always put our children first.
@wingberry123 7 күн бұрын
I know couples with age gaps where the woman is older, yet they still manage to be on the same page. Some men can even be older and not mature enough to start a family. You have to possess good judgement of who can be mature enough to be at the same level as you.
@keylo2473 7 күн бұрын
Agree, age means nothing, as I could see in my life experience.
@adaw332 Күн бұрын
"You have to possess good judgement of who can be mature enough" Has Matthew done a video of this? Because that's they key. Can someone share a link? Or Matthew, can you do one? Because most women have a clear mind and communication skills. What's difficult is to spot the man who does, too.
@summerJaz 7 күн бұрын
Dating apps are full of fake profiles and scammers I've noticed. Best to meet people the old fashioned way, but easier said than done. As you get older, all your friends are married with kids and there's less parties and gatherings to be invited to where there are single eligible men. Being proactive is good but I believe fate, luck & destiny & timing also plays a part. It seems like it's a world phenomena most women have this problem - meeting the right person to settle down with.
@leeche87 5 күн бұрын
Nearing 40 ,no matter where you go there will be guys in relationships or just single losers ,the odds are the same in the dating apps or better because on apps people are actually looking
@LadyK007 5 күн бұрын
Get out, but there are still good men on apps
@maribethford7105 4 күн бұрын
Finding most men over 55 on dating apps are NOT interested in a serious relationship…
@786valerie 2 күн бұрын
I agree fate and timing plays a major part
@glykokoutaliousyko 11 сағат бұрын
I met my husband on a dating app 😋.. I think the way we use them is wrong, not the apps.. People who use the apps are the people you will meet in the real world in a bar or werever.. Use both the apps and the real face to face dating 😉
@Ciera_Banks 5 күн бұрын
As a 25 year old woman, I feel stressed and rushed enough as it is. This is very helpful, thank you! And my heart goes out to every woman out there struggling with this dilemma. ❤
@JJmikra 7 күн бұрын
This video should be obligatory for all women in 20s!
@laurah3252 7 күн бұрын
I'm now 40, been single since 22. I always thought I'd meet someone and it would just happen, but it didn't. I wish someone had told me to freeze my eggs in my 20s when I had more, and better quality eggs. No one talks to you about that in your 20s. And then in your 30s and all your friends are married and having kids and realise you've missed the boat.
@jszn1 7 күн бұрын
@@laurah3252what if you're in your 20s but don't have the financial means to freeze your eggs :/
@shakoorah1 7 күн бұрын
to be fare its not all on the women and her eggs , also mens sperm is a factor and just as valid, lifestyle is also an asset to the quality of eggs & sperm so focus on positive ways to improve your chances to achieve your apirations like the flower shop 🌸
@dwaynegayle9020 7 күн бұрын
Women could try dating intentionally from their early 20’s? Is that an option? Should older women tell them to avoid hookup culture at all costs ? Feels appropriate now.
@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858 7 күн бұрын
@@laurah3252 Are you open to adoption? My aunt got so lucky with her second marriage. Depsite the fact that she was already married once and had three children as a result of that marriage. Her second husband wanted more kids and then boom, it happend when she was 49 using invitro fertilisation. Cool huh. She was very lucky to have found a man willing to have kids even in her older age.
@ethanwalker4525 5 күн бұрын
Hello Matthew, I’m 20 and was broken up with about a year ago by someone I’d been with for a large portion of my life up to this point. I read your book “Love Life” to find the confidence to date new women, and discovered that I’m the exact person you recommend avoiding/leaving. Reading your book allowed me to become much more honest with myself about how I conduct myself in a relationship, and showed me that I have historically been much more selfish than I believed. I thank you (and my ex especially, for ending my complacency) for showing me what a healthy relationship with healthy communication REALLY looks like, and not my own version of it. I’m not ready yet to date again, because now I know I have a lot of real work to do on myself before I can focus on someone else’s needs. Your wisdom has shown me the path forward, and I am very grateful!
@maladoychelovek 7 күн бұрын
As a 36 yo guy dating women of similar age, I found this video very helpful. Thank you for this mate. And my advice to all the beautiful women out there is: 1- Do not be afraid to invite your man into such difficult conversations when you think the relationship has matured enough. As men we are usually less mature and we are less likely to bring up any tough topics ourselves. We usually think let's see how this goes and avoid tough topics. 2- Think about and prioritise your goals in life before we ask you what you think. Communicate them to us in a constructive way. Otherwise we will assume either you have not yet figured them out (which will be a question mark for us) or we'll assume you need us and you have the weaker hand. 3- Ask your man what concerns he has about you, ask him to be open as possible. And also tell them frequently what you like and do not like about them. Communicate more openly and frequently. That will help him to not assume things.
@Ninsidhe 2 күн бұрын
Why are you telling WOMEN, yet again, to do the emotional labour instead of telling MEN to go to therapy, or do classes, or join men’s groups in order to learn greater emotional intelligence and capacity? Once again a man telling women to fix or address things that the man himself needs to be looking at and addressing.
@joshliam1967 7 күн бұрын
I'm a 39 year old man and found this video incredibly valuable, thankful for this channel in general, and think whoever you are knowing what you need in a relationship and being able to communicate it is everything.
@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858 7 күн бұрын
I hope you're not like my last ex lol, thinking he can still bag a 20 year old.
@joshliam1967 7 күн бұрын
@@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858 Not even a little bit. Women in their early 20s are way too immature for me anyway, I want to be with someone who has their life figured out.
@kristofferrobinhaug8029 6 күн бұрын
Fellow 39 year old man here. Have dated women in their 40s, 30s and 20s. I have found no correlation between age and emotional maturity for women what so ever. Most mature girl I've ever been with is now 24. I think every individual is different and we're all on different paths, and we just have to be clear on our boundaries, needs, preferences and limitations and finding someone truly compatible with us.
@joshliam1967 5 күн бұрын
@@kristofferrobinhaug8029 Well said.
@jennyhayward6039 8 күн бұрын
Thank you so much Matthew. This video gave me the courage to leave today a relationship where I love him but am not getting the things I have asked clearly for. It is tough to leave later in my 30's knowing that I want a family but I know in my heart it can happen in so many different ways. Words cannot express my gratitude to you over the past few years for the advice you give. Thank you Matthew.
@victoriaporsiempre 7 күн бұрын
you are brave and took steps towards your dream! 👏🏽👏🏽 i hope you find a good father 🍀
@tanishanightingale 6 күн бұрын
Good for you. You are brave for sure!!
@tfushtfushtfush 4 күн бұрын
Am 47 . At 40 I did an IVF and it worked on my first try. My son is 5 and a half now. It changed everything. I enter relationships with men cool with a "detached of outcome mentality". I am now dating a man who is 14 years younger than me. I am totally in love with him and he with me. I live one day at a time. The only big issue that might happen in the future is that he might want kids of his own....and what are the odds I can have another kid at 47.....but we do talk about living together and he even told me that if things continue to move this way he will want to raise my son as his own. I need to have a conversation about having a kid of ours together....I need another miracle to get pregnant at 47+
@JayJay-kp1sn 8 күн бұрын
This is the video I just needed - thank you a million Matthew! I am 35, 6 years in a roller-coaster relationship where he says he wants the same but "the feeling has to be good".. then we are good for a while as I dont say anything and let it flow and as soon as I bring the topic of planning, life & future up we end up in discussions, silence, distance.. so the feeling is again not good (according to him). I am fully aware he is wasting my lifetime and playing with my emotions, I just truly deeply love him (for other qualities) and didn't find the strength within me to end this and start over. I feel like I can never love anyone as I loved him as I have always put him on a pedestal. I've started with searching for an apartment amd I write down my thoughts.. processing the end of this relationship in my head. This will be the last summer for us.
@katrbudz892 8 күн бұрын
So maybe just take him as a sperm donor and leave the guy alone with his rollercoaster. Don't inform him that he has a child and disappear from his life for good. Do you really think the guy will change? Do you really want rollercoaster dad for your child? Why do you need a man like this?
@MaryZn_meemche 8 күн бұрын
I have been in such conditions and it can be said that I still am, even though it has been a year and a half since we separated and we don't talk because the financial situation didn't improve, and he wasn't willing to seriously discuss it again. Neither of us entered into a new relationship, and I don't think I can accept anyone else because I consider him my soulmate. I even gave up on the desire to have children for him because having a good relationship was more important to me, and due to aging, I think I no longer have the patience for having children. We were in a romantic relationship for 4 years, and now it has been a year and a half since we parted ways... This way, 5 and a half years of my life have been disrupted, and possibly the rest will too, although I am calmer now and moving forward with my life, but not a moment goes by without me thinking of him... It's very sad :(
@wf4983 8 күн бұрын
Sweetheart, don't worry about love. What you described is not love. It's still waiting for you. Nevertheless, it's not the worst in the world to have experienced this rollercoster (sexual attraction, romantic feelings)- the problem is it comes with a kind of brainwashing. Being able to trust someone is the real thing. Love is where you can really be.
@JayJay-kp1sn 8 күн бұрын
@@katrbudz892 no, sperm doner is not possible, I love this person and will never do something against my integrity and beliefs so fooling someone is not an option. I can leave in a decent way. But you are right, he will not change nor I want a roller-coaster dad for my child. I wish other man were better so it would be easier to just leave but dating 2024 is a disaster thats why many, including myself stay for too long.
@JayJay-kp1sn 8 күн бұрын
@@MaryZn_meemche I feel you, my partner is my soulmate too and since 1 year I am getting comfortable with the tought being alone. Giving up the dream of having a family is not an option for me. I will leave him and close the chapter despite this incredible grief for the sake of my unborn children. Just remind yourself how you met. him, you will meet someone else too. We were lucky to experience true love in life, take this with you and move on for good. There is good man out there. I believe in it.
@pearlganguly8090 7 күн бұрын
Why this video did not come out 4.5years ago? I so needed to hear people like Maryam and reading comments across the globe makes me feel I ain't alone.
@mvs5868 4 күн бұрын
I agree 100%
@jeancindygorospe1063 8 күн бұрын
This is very helpful! The global dating epidemic and the rise of non committal people have created an imbalance and affected those who aspire to build their own families.
@aw_artlover 7 күн бұрын
I’m turning to 36, Asian. I have been always a popular and fortunate young woman in the dating market until I turned to mid 30. Now I realised that most of the guys of my age are married and my mom and aunties were right - I was too picky and my market value declines because of age. Plus I put all my efforts to build my career in the past decade so I’m more successful than guys in general of my age - I slowly find they’re less attractive. Now I started to worry and most of the men approached me are divorced and 10-15 older than me :( . I’m well educated, have a good social network and financially good. But I’m really worried :/ . Sigh 😞
@beez991 7 күн бұрын
Don't be worried. Just be proactive in finding him
@ivieta9634 6 күн бұрын
If you chose to lower your standards you would be sad and resentful. Keep looking and stay positive.
@annat6249 6 күн бұрын
As an Asian myself who few years older than you. When I was girl, my parents only focus on education and not teaching me basic about life. I learned a lot with my own trial and error. I also lowered my standard thinking I only need a man who loves me, it did not make me happier, you likely end up find jerks. Totally not recommended that. Yes older women become less marketable and our circle friend is smaller. By the way, single mom is way more less marketable because women tend to keep the child and it consider a burden for the man.
@Catina28 5 күн бұрын
My cousin is 40 and do not want more kids. But somehow every man she has been dating lately is asking her about having more kids. I say this only to say, our perceptions and beliefs define us. There are men out there, on dating apps, who want kids. So the question is, y r u not attracting them. Is there something in ure pick list that's leading to u only being available to men who do not want kids?? That's where I would start with modifying ure selection criteria.
@piaxgft5799 8 сағат бұрын
yeah youre done
@wmnpwr98 5 күн бұрын
So many of my friends are in this predicament. I myself was too, and decided to get super serious about finding a marriage partner at age 37. Stopped wasting my time on men who weren’t a long term match, and met someone who would make an excellent partner, intellectually, financially and wanted a family too. We married the same year, and love having our family (had my daughter at age 41). Fertility timeline is different for everyone and I’m lucky I could still have a baby naturally then. But many of my friends are doing IVF and other means to make their dreams come true, and I’m so happy for them.
@astar_11-11_ 8 күн бұрын
11:54 “I wouldn’t do this with the wrong person”. “I’m doing this with or without you” - I love this and align with these statements as they are often things I think about when I reflect on where I am and what I still want in my life. 16:50 ✅ 20:47
@carmeniagar167 8 күн бұрын
when you’re a week away from turning 36 and this pops up 🥺
@airmure 8 күн бұрын
I feel you😢
@AbigailBenni 7 күн бұрын
Believe me, you still have time! I’m 40 😭
@mika.mirjana 7 күн бұрын
When you're a week away from turning 39 and.... 😂 I hear you sister, oooooh how I hear you 😢 the bitter-sweet-sour-salty symphony
@wingsphysio 6 күн бұрын
I’m 42
@karinasanchezplaza9834 6 күн бұрын
Same here! Just a couple days. My dream is have a family, but I also think.. I want a family and children, but destiny at this point is saying "not yet", and maybe it's because some beautiful adopted children are in my path or an amazing husband with childrens.. I just have faith and release the control. But knowing my dream
@ambersharpe 7 күн бұрын
I’m 43 so time ran out for me. It is very hard to work enough to afford to live life alone but then I ran out of time.
@beez991 7 күн бұрын
You can adopt and it's not too late. I know people who had first kids at 43, 44 and 45. If you want them, I hope you find a way❤
@angiem1704 6 күн бұрын
Have a friend who had a kid at 46. Her first kid and a other at 42. Don't give up.
@annat6249 6 күн бұрын
I would disagree with trending about un realistic positivity. If you are not financially strong and older, then choosing to not be a mom might be a good choice. Kid can be mentally and physically struggle.
@Catina28 5 күн бұрын
I'm pregnant with my first child at 42, naturally conceived. Who said u have run out of time exactly. As women we really need to investigate these stories. Ure out of time when u hit menopause. And at that stage it is wat it is.
@ambersharpe 5 күн бұрын
@@Catina28I’m almost through perimenopause and still single so that won’t happen for me and I don’t want to do it alone.
@clairexxx0405 7 күн бұрын
Sadly sometimes you don't know that person is the wrong person when they say that they want everything you want. I did it alone I had a Gorgeous Brave Boy for 8 years, his dad abandoned us.... illness scares many people. I'm completely broken without Joe but I am so very blessed to have lived the life of a Mum with my Amazing Little Boy 💙🤗👣
@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858 7 күн бұрын
What do you mean? Is your son still alive?
@clairexxx0405 7 күн бұрын
@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858 no he had DMD he was so amazing and brave as I said he lived until he was 8 years old 👣💙🕊
@xTenshiAi 7 күн бұрын
You are such a strong person. My thoughts are with you.
@Monk7791 2 күн бұрын
💔
@empea3837 8 күн бұрын
So much wisdom, clarity and compassion expressed every time. And all so well articulated. Thank you Mattt from the bottom of my heart 💫 🌸.
@nancyrentas443 8 күн бұрын
I was married for 10 years and it’s like having a grown child he was worse than my kids. I been there but I won’t get married again. I will date but no marriage he was acting like I was a servant and now it’s worse they are so feminine Joe that your gonna be taking care of him .❤Goodluck
@karenwolsky1570 7 күн бұрын
What you really need to do is be upfront. There are men are also have that dream of kids . I would just ask them, " What are you really looking for?" If he gets scared of that question, it means he is not looking for that, and he's not dating for that intention. People know what they want, it's simple. If you need to go in circles talking as if you want a "Flower Shop," you are playing games, and you will waste more of your time at best.
@shakoorah1 7 күн бұрын
na the flower shop is analogy; when yoi have a goal like starting a flower shop business... can be any business ; a life goal per say... dont shy away from the open conversation because its talk about starting a family- be open an articulate like you would a career goal ; dont be shy/ basically speak your truth🌼
@karenwolsky1570 7 күн бұрын
@shakoorah1 yes, upfront. already, by the first, second date, you need to share your goals about having a family if your clock is ticking. It involves him in a big way, so you need to tell him your true intentions and time frame. It's not like a goal where you are looking to learn a new hobby.
@adrianahlz1895 4 күн бұрын
That is what I did before I met my husband. I call it the "Nigerian prince strategy" (by saying something preposterous at the start, you filter out the ones you are not looking for). If I told someone I was looking for a partner to grow old together and have grandchildren with, it saved me a lot of time for "filtering".
@olgasamoylova5863 8 күн бұрын
I wish I heard this 5 years ago but as one of the comments said: anything is possible even in 40s (that is where I am) ☀️ I truly believe that if we can see it I our mind, we can hold in our hands 😊 thank you for the video Mathew!
@livvifrazer4313 7 күн бұрын
Personally I find it hard to get to stage 5 after you already have feelings for someone so I try and make sure they know I want kids and in the next 3-4 years (I'm 29) before it gets to that exclusive stage or even near that. But that's just me :) Also taking my time with dating and getting to know someone properly before any kind of exclusivity mentioned, is very important. Thank you for this video, a topic that needs to be more widely accepted and discussed, I have seen a lot of posts about women who don't want kids, but none about those who do but don't have the means to do so yet. Clearly it is a topic that a lot of women can relate to, so glad it has come up. Awareness is Key!
@AimeeVignes 6 күн бұрын
That’s the best approach, it avoids wasting time and weeds out the bad suitors.
@rebeccayeatesmakeup 7 күн бұрын
I found this video really helpful. As I’m in the process of looking into my fertility with a gynaecologist. As with being in my 40’s I want to see what my chances are and make a plan where to go from there. I’ve always found it hard to meet guys and calmly express my desire to become a mum someday, without freaking them out. I love the flower shop concept that it’s a passion of mine and can do it with someone or by myself. It’s really hard to try not to panic and worry about it when the window of opportunity is vastly closing in. Like the lady who made the comment, I’ve worked really hard in my career despite my ups and downs with it. I’m Glad that I’ve done all the things I have achieved, but thought I’d be with someone, get married and created a family by now. But sadly I haven’t and that does make me sad. But I have been doing a lot of healing and personal growth work this year, and knowing my worth again. Which I hope will make me mentally stronger to be ok with this regardless of what happens.
@Maggiebearie 5 күн бұрын
I am 41 starting IUI, having kids was important enough to me to do it alone.
@Melanie.c011 7 күн бұрын
I bought ''Love life'' today and I can't wait to read it! I rewatched step 5 to make sure I understood well how to create a space so that I can express my goal and also show interest in what the other person sees for himself. I think it's brilliant. I feel like all the other steps are relevant as well. Thank you for sharing this. 😊
@feititones 8 күн бұрын
Ladies, this is difficult, but not impossible! Don't let anyone think you're too old as a 38/ 40 year old to have a child. Women can have healthy pregnancies and babies well into their 40s, and men do choose "older" women all the time to start a family with. Keep in mind that everyone is different, and when two people connect on a deep level, and have the commitment, they can make it happen! The men who think "a 38 year old doesn't have any eggs left", will pick someone younger, who cares. Do your homework, live a healthy life, and believe that you can find the right man. It's not easy, but it is definitely possible! And I'm not encouraging anyone to wait until they're 38 to start looking for their lifetime partner, but I do strongly believe that no one should be ashamed of themselves if this is how their life turned out.
@Wendywolf8 8 күн бұрын
Thank you ❤ yes a lot of my friends have had babies in their late 30's early 40's
@Smile342 8 күн бұрын
The best time for women is between 20 and 30 .
@feititones 8 күн бұрын
@@nybrotherman it depends on a lot of things, not whether someone thinks they're unique or special. There are women in their early 20s who have medical conditions that don't allow them to even become pregnant, and women in their early 40s who are healthy and can easily become a mother. I recommend consulting with a professional: gynecologist and or fertility specialist and do all the tests for both partners before we put labels on people based on their age.
@feititones 8 күн бұрын
@@Smile342 yes, this is the ideal age biologically, but it depends on a lot of things not just age.
@feititones 8 күн бұрын
@@Wendywolf8 exactly. and the truth is women are becoming mothers later and later all around the world. Having plenty of healthy babies. We need to support them and women and men of all ages who would like to become parents.
@nafphgesa1 8 күн бұрын
I wish someone would give me this advise when I turn 18, to have them as a guide for the future.. i would not have understood back then, but I would understand as time would be passing.
@sally5256 8 күн бұрын
As always Matthew, you have created a new way of viewing and communicating a common relationship concern. You are a master of finding innovative and compassionate ways for people to navigate and articulate to their partners standards they desire in their lives and relationship! Thank you for making this very helpful video. I’m 55 and met someone I would love to see settling down with at this stage of life and this video will help me 💯 in having a conversation to see if he has the same vision and values as me with respect to the future! You are a Master! Thank you 🙏♥️😘
@julianacorrea9237 7 күн бұрын
I am a true believer that nothing comes to us if it is not in the right moment (no matter it is positive or negative) and for me, this video came in a very special moment and I can't thank you enough for the kind and pratical ways to expresse it. All of that I felt in my past relationship that last for 6 years but I decided to end up since I saw that he did not want the same as I. Is so great to feel that it is ok and great knowing that I can say to myself that I want a family as a priority in my life and there are great ways to bringing that to the table in a future relation. Thank Matthew and your entire team that put such special contents as this out there for us. It will definitely impact some decisions I want to make in the near future 😊❤
@kittcompton 8 күн бұрын
I did it with the wrong person and I am still grateful I did it and blessed to be on my own with my child now. Go for it ladies!
@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858 7 күн бұрын
Really? It's worth it?! 😞 But it hurts to be broken up with/rejected, even WITHOUT the child... I'm glad you had the guts to do it with the wrong person... at least you have a reason to still see each other and there's a chance you and him can reconcile?
@VioletEmerald 7 күн бұрын
@@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858 you're so focused on a very specific narrative. I assumed the person doesn't think much about wanting that wrong person back. What most people in this situation are most grateful for is their kid.
@HellORhighwaters 4 күн бұрын
I am a 33 year old woman single mother by choice. My Son is 10months now and I am feeling happy and accomplished about my choice. I’ve only met men who aren’t ready or cannot possibly share with me a live I’d like to have. I will not wait on a ship that I don’t know if it’s coming, I chose how long to wait for it. Love will come to me however I am if it will.
@peachnecctar1658 7 күн бұрын
if youre your genuine self and express your needs directly, youll sort out the wrong ones so much quicker. you save your time and energy along with theirs
@domeatown 8 күн бұрын
This is not a dream of mine... But I appreciate this. Because so much of how it's talked about is... "Panic! Age will crush you! Neener neener!" Like it's some kind of "gotcha!" But it's not, and options are very real. And no one should feel rushed or forced. And families should be made when the time is correct, and not a moment sooner. Always the voice of reason so I thank you again, Matt.
@fralou_sind_kreativ 5 күн бұрын
Dear Matthew, you asked what this video meant to me and honestly I cannot put it in one word. I'm following you for a few years now and I think, this video is one of the most important videos you have ever made!!
@KacyElizabeth09 8 күн бұрын
Thank you, Matthew. I’m in my thirties and have never been in a long term relationship, so the anxiety is starting to get real. I want marriage and family, but I fear I’m running out of time. This message was encouraging and helpful. ❤
@lilmissizzy006 7 күн бұрын
Right there with you!
@yourlovelybabe1 7 күн бұрын
this is a smart man, he spoke to his wife 💜GOOD.
@amnaashraf4303 8 күн бұрын
I've watched your videos for a decade Mathew, unknowingly you've played a huge role as I navigated relationships in my 20s and early 30s! This video has now served as a perfectly narrated summary of my present situation - I've actually been doing all the steps you mentioned (must be all your training over the years😂) but have yet to find my human with aligned goals and time frame. For egg freezing-i did the full set up and backed out last minute as I discovered it is against my religious beliefs. So I feel that places me on a bit of a back foot, any advice?
@KafaJunkie 4 күн бұрын
I have been watching your videos for close to 15 years at this point, and this video really made my heart break - not for me but for one of my closest friends. I (40F) have been happily married for 10 years, and we have a wonderful 6 year old; both marriage and kids weren't a high priority for me, but I was willing to do it with the right person. I am extremely lucky (and I work hard) to keep my relationship working, and I've never compromised on my hard boundaries. However, my best friend (40F, known her since we were 15) has always had the goal of marriage and kids since we met. It breaks my heart that she keeps spending her time and energy on pointless relationships, with men (perfectly nice people) who simply do not have the same goals as her. She wasted decades being strung along, led on, not holding up her own boundaries, no plan B, and going through massive emotional pain when each relationship met its demise. I wish she would have seen this video and felt it on a deep level in her 20s - I imagine she would have been in a significantly better position in life. I hope women like her are watching this video, and truly hearing what you're saying here. Thank you for continuing to record these videos. Cheers :)
@inshaysworld9752 8 күн бұрын
I loved this video and it was perfect timing for me. Im literally at step 3 and do have a plan for step 1 and 2 as my goal is being achieved with or without someone so that reminder empowered me so I can continue making connections and learning and sharing with someone knowing my plan and goals are in place. Thank you for the clear structure of how to maintain my standards for what I want and be confident in the exploration stage without being a co conspirator to the detriment of my future. A plan that is beautiful and exciting. You put it all so eloquently. Thank you!!! ❤
@KAP866 8 күн бұрын
If you are not been pregnant before, you have to know that when you are pregnant, a very strong instinct of wanting protection, security and a companion with you awakes and it is very difficult to shut down, I was decided to have my kid alone, but the instinct was so strong that brought so many problems and disagreements with my partner at that time, I ended loosing my baby
@Meredith31 7 күн бұрын
Thank you again Matthew for another great video and the new guide for meeting people in the real world. I loved how you spoke about the standards of what you want in a relationship and being up front and leading with that in a new relationship. My goal for the future is to find someone to build a life with and get married but I’ve been afraid to have that conversation as it could scare someone off or pressure them into marriage but now I’m realizing thanks to you and your Matthew magic that it’s important to speak up so we can date someone who has the same vision or intent for their life or we’re just basically wasting our time and will not meet our goal. It’s going to be really a struggle as I’ve not been very good at speaking for needs/wants/life goals historically and tend to be a people pleaser and go along with things just floating thru like aimlessly it seems like but now I’m wanting to get back out there with standards and dating with intentionality and finally knowing what my end game is. Much love to you and Audrey!
@Jess-g7k 7 күн бұрын
Needed this so much, this chat was one I’m trying to find words for and prepare to navigate. Now I do,thank you!!
@annabelqueen3349 8 күн бұрын
I really like your messages and this particular one is meant for me. Thanks for taking the confusion out of my mind. Most grateful 🙏
@paolar.6408 8 күн бұрын
I am almost 33, still no career. I met guy 4 years ago (LDR). He ghosted me 2 weeks ago. He was reading my messages now stopped. I only wanted to ask why. Last call when I asked why he was silent 2 weeks he said "I can't tell because you will be angry and you will say that I hurt your ffeelings and asjed why I always think the I have someone ". He had to call but didn't. And I can't move on wasting now my precious time for career and having family. ...
@rebeccabath5276 7 күн бұрын
put partner first, careers can always come later or come at a slower pace. I was engaged at 24. Now 26 getting married. Barely worked in 3 yrs… career is on back burner, but slowly… men care more about age than career. I have mostly traditional values, half modern. Life is a journey
@rebeccayeatesmakeup 7 күн бұрын
@@paolar.6408 I can completely sympathise with you on this. I had a guy I really liked that breadcrumbed and ghosted me. Instead I focused on my career and still feel I haven’t achieved what I thought I would have, and felt like I failed in life. My friend told me to stop using the F word all the time. As we don’t fail in life but we grow and keep learning. Also that the guy is not your person and if he was he wouldn’t have treated you like this. Have faith that your person will come along and you’ll find your passion/ purpose in life. Things have a way of falling into place. I believe in the power of manifestation, that things happen for a reason and the universe is always in your favour. It’s just seeing it and allowing it to guide you through the unknown. That it will show you the bad as well as the good. You just have to be brave enough to go through this journey and trust the process. You’re still young at 33 and still have time. I hope this helps and regains your faith in yourself. You Just need to believe that you deserve all the things you want in life x
@beez991 7 күн бұрын
Don't waste your time in him. You get one life. I wish someone told me
@VioletEmerald 7 күн бұрын
I suspect, paolar, that you have significant childhood trauma if you struggle with both career AND were stuck for THAT long with such an avoidantly attached individual as people who ghost after being in relationship with your for years typically are. I hope you can prioritize a healing journey first and foremost and then in a couple of years at age 35 you may be surprised how much has fallen into place for you in your life.
@Gabster1990 6 күн бұрын
Make your life happen. My dating life was meh but I'm glad I went back to school when I was 24 and got my bachelor's. I'm 33 now, been single for a year and decided to educate myself in Cybersecurity. Im looking forward to my 2nd degree! You got this.
@Anastasia-nn5fy 4 күн бұрын
One person in the comments below said that the women in their 20s should be aware of these problems and should date intentionally I always dated intentionally It’s not like guys in their 20s are rushing to marriage and kids And women do want to find someone who they will love and who will love them back. It’s very hard. Especially if you’re not one of the top beautiful women Believe me, women are very well aware in their 20s that they need to marry before 30, the pop culture doesn’t shut up about it. But it’s not that easy. And years fly
@Sam-zy7vj 5 күн бұрын
I’m in a relationship now, but last year when I was dating I met some really nice men. I did exactly what the advice is here- I made sure they knew starting a family was a priority of mine but that I had my own plan for it and was open to meeting the right person without pressure. Not only did it keep them relaxed, but most of them offered to help me with it 😂 guess it was better than running for the hills
@m.daphneejsing2489 2 күн бұрын
Sounds like me, past year of dating I have the talk quite early. I’m dating a nice and understanding guy, I still feel I should prioritize becoming a solo mom.
@tedtalksrock 7 күн бұрын
Being out the OG Mister Rogers!!! I love this Matthew! What a gem video this is. ❤
@itsshierlz 7 күн бұрын
Matt, I want to thank you so much. Your last podcast with the fertility specialists actually got me thinking and it spurred a discussion with my partner (now fiance) about freezing embryos since we were committed but not quite ready to have kids. It’s given us a peace of mind that we have them there as a backup even though there’s no guarantee they will work.
@OhGodGirl 7 күн бұрын
This was so helpful in terms of verbiage of how to approach this topic in early dating and throughout dating. Very, very helpful.
@CatherineLavender68 7 күн бұрын
Hi Matthew, thank you for the advice. I wish I knew this when I was younger. I learnt it the hard way but it's nice to hear you sum it up so well and with a structure. I made the mistake of having the conversation about the desire but not the timeline, because I got the impression that the other person has the same timeline as me, which was an assumption. You won't know until you ask, right. I would also warn against being naive when interpreting what the other person is saying, some people can make a no sound like a maybe, and make a maybe sound like a yes. Hence I like what you said about check in again after some time and see if there has been progress. Someone who wants what you want should be excited when you talk about the very topic. If they keep on being "unsure", it's likely they've been telling you what you want to hear all along but never truly wanted the same thing.
@linmeco 2 күн бұрын
thank you, thank you, thank you. the letter of this lady represents me . I'm 40 still single and wants a family. thank you
@dande_lion 8 күн бұрын
Great video, Mat!
@amooream 5 күн бұрын
As a 22 year old woman,that will have an unconventional path to parenthood, I really gained so much from this video, and I will be saving it for a few years down the line🙏🏼☺️thank you
@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh 8 күн бұрын
I am nearly 34 as of August 1. But being a person of faith, that really narrows my pool. But another hurdle for me is working full time and I started grad school. And I have to consider being with a man with kids already. That’s a big consideration for me. I know I would have to deal with baby mama. Whether directly or indirectly. But the little bit I am able to get out, I don’t really meet anyone of faith. I have a few guys who have been interested in me, but none of them were spiritually where they need to be for me to consider them. I’ve met one, but situation separated us and I have no way of contacting him. So I can only pray to see him again somewhere or wait for someone else. But then there’s the time to wait getting to know them.
@katerinadiou5649 4 күн бұрын
My husband is a very very religious person and I am an atheist. It’s been hard sometimes, but I say you shouldn’t be so closed when it comes to that. I respect his faith and accompany him to church, even if I don’t believe. Love for one another can be stronger than faith/politics/etc. Agreeing in marriage, kids, rolls, timing, is more important.
@ideaWorld403 2 күн бұрын
Im 39 and happily married with three kids. Im very lucky to have the family i have, but its not by accident. I dated intentionaally from an early age for marriage- i met my husband at 20, married at 25, kids a few years later. I think women in their 20s dont realise the super power they have in the dating market- young and beautiful, and some extra time to look for your person actively. So many women waste their 20s dsting men they would never marry or who wouldnt make a great long term partner. I would encourage younger women to enjoy meeting people, enjoy their beauty, but dont take time for granted because as someone exiting their 30s soon i csnt believe how fast the last 20s years have gone.
@ryeofoatmeal 8 күн бұрын
omg Malaysia mentioned 🗣️🌺🇲🇾
@manuelapm2582 8 күн бұрын
God and the Universe bless you Matthew! ❤ Also would be great if men start watching your vídeos and learn about women. Thanks for this!
@analyzeee 5 күн бұрын
39 female from Pakistan. Single by circumstances n theres no hope left .All i wanted to have a family of my own. 😢
@chantalmarie8361 3 күн бұрын
Oh Girlfriend! I am a 38 year old single woman! I think there is still hope! I will have hope for both of us until we get there! Hold on ❤
@Molly-rq6yd 5 күн бұрын
Thanks so much for this video! I've just had my second egg retrieval. IVF isn't a guarantee but having the option is so empowering. I've been thinking about starting to date again and this helped a lot!
@shrivastavavijeta 5 күн бұрын
I’m 37 and you and mrs are love to me from deep inside my heart. Thank you so much ❤❤😊😊🎉🎉
@hollamonE 8 күн бұрын
I feel like the baby fever of single women in their mid to late 30s could be dangerous if the focus is "I have to have a child ASAP" and there is all this fear around missing out. Also, the lack of education around fertility. Things drastically change mid 30s to 40, then only have a 5% chance per ovulation at 40 and decreases every year. These are also high risk pregnancies. Children should be so intentional and thought out.
@victoriaporsiempre 7 күн бұрын
the second part of your comment explains the why of the first part, do you think women don’t know what are the best conditions to have a baby?
@charlolay 5 күн бұрын
@@victoriaporsiemprethat’s probably why they don’t have kids because they were intentional.
@Catina28 5 күн бұрын
So doctors keep saying but yet they do not clearly define y it is high risk. If u r living a healthy life then the risk can be the same as anyone else. If u have a condition the risk is the same as anyone else. Yes the probability of getting pregnancy decreases each year but hospitals need to stop telling all women they are high risk die to age and instead make the judgement based on individual factors. So annoying.
@hiefia8568 2 күн бұрын
@@Catina28high risk refers to increased risk of preeclampsia, which can lead to prematurity or neonatal loss, chromosomal anomalies which can come with congenital heart defects, musculoskeletal abnormalities etc.
@iuliaboncan 5 күн бұрын
Im 24 and I am watching this speechless… For me it’s not even about babies right now or building a family, it’s about communicating my standards in a matter that i dont scare anyone off and I understood now how to do that.. It really doesnt have to be this big scary thing. This is one of the most helpful video I have seen from Matthew, and I have been following him for solid five years. Big thanks to you, your videos and your speech are flawless!!
@kristin.marie34 7 күн бұрын
Hey Matthew! Every thing you said in this video hit so hard with me and my life. I have only ever been in one relationship in my life and that was a very toxic one. I have spent the past 7 years single building my life and career but now as a single 34 year old woman who wants a child, exhausted all options in the way of freezing eggs, knowing that I would absolutely do it on my own, I am afraid that this very small dating pool of good men out there is only getting smaller and smaller and I will be left with no one. I want to feel love, be seen, be taken care of even if its just emotionally, and I am afraid that with where I am in my life, no one will want me. There are so many days I wish that someone could just tell me who my person is so that this base line fear and anxiety can go away but I know that is not possible. Will someone ever love me for me?
@victoriaporsiempre 6 күн бұрын
start with loving yourself
@abib2259 4 күн бұрын
I’m sending you love! you are worthy of love and don’t ever forget that @kristin
@rosemarienicdao7679 7 күн бұрын
Thank you Matt this is very helpful ❤
@MelissaWinchester 7 күн бұрын
Yess pretty difficult also when they say they want a relationship but then “you already have kids so I can’t” … really like we single parents don’t deserve anymore to have a family or like my kids are problem. I am getting really sick of trying to meet someone 😔
@OanaCaluseru 3 күн бұрын
I'm 39, and it's been a month since I broke up with my boyfriend. He gave me mixed signals about wanting a family. I didn't put any pressure on him, but after a very serious talk, he told me he doesn't want kids. It's very painful because he led me to believe that this is something that we could have. We have been together for almost two years. I don't want to be a single mom. I did freeze my eggs when I was 39, and I do hope I find my person! I love your podcasts, Matthew. They really help me in these moments. Thank you!
@codingiscreativity 2 күн бұрын
Egg freezing doesn't work, you have to make embryo and freeze .
@OanaCaluseru 2 күн бұрын
@@codingiscreativity do you work in the field?
@codingiscreativity 2 күн бұрын
@@OanaCaluseru no I have seen Kourtney Kardashian IVF journey where she specifically mentioned why not to go for egg freeze.
@janewang4242 6 күн бұрын
Amazing to see this video now. I just broke up with a great man yesterday because he finally decided he doesn’t want kids, so I immediately decided to end things amicably because I want kids
@kuraikko 7 күн бұрын
valuable and mature advice compared with other content
@Cantetinza17 3 күн бұрын
I was married for almost 20 years. We were military, so having a family where we were both under the same roof was hard. We divorce when I was 38. I am 43 now. I still want children, but right now we are in a timeline where men and women are not getting along or they are not on my timeline, so I have made the choice to be a single parent via sperm donor, and I don't care what anyone thinks about it.
@wendyhsieh9725 7 күн бұрын
Where were you 3 years ago! Thank you for this info !
@LucaAnamaria 19 сағат бұрын
Honestly, when you meet a guy who also genuinely wants "a flower shop" (which is the only kind of guy you should be marrying), you won't even need a script to tip-toe around his committment-phobia. You'll just both be relieved that you're on the same page and that you found each other.
@eviesantos9356 8 күн бұрын
I loved it. Thank you.
@elinalukyanova4983 5 күн бұрын
It is so strange for me: I am 36 (not far from 37), no kids, boyfriend, not sure I want to have kids with him. And on the one hand I want a family and on the other I just want to live the moment. I travel a lot, buy all I want, eat out when I want, have a very interesting remote job and I feel like I really enjoy these things. To me it feels like having kids is the end to it all. And no I am not immature, I worked hard, bought and paid off my appartment, built a career, financially help my parents, have savings and just enjoy life, I just feel like kids mean saying goodbye to it for a looong time if not forever 😂
@elinalukyanova4983 5 күн бұрын
But yes I find it very annoying that I can learn 3 languages, get 3 degrees, get a job I enjoy, the body I am proud of by making choices and working hard 😂 but love should just find me and I should wait and hope, I hate that 😅
@leslie9235 5 күн бұрын
Excellent, deep and highly moving video. Thank you for your generosity and empathy. What a vibrant soul 🙏🏾
@Nabatakk 4 күн бұрын
I am exactly in Maryam’s situation, same age, immigrant, not in a relationship. This was really deep and useful advice. Thank you Matthew. 🙏🏻
@adaw332 Күн бұрын
Please use my comment as a button to ask Matthew to focus on videos about: - this kind of man, how to spot him - strategies to find him I certainly appreciate his advice, but I think most women have a clear mind and communication skills. What's difficult is to spot the man who does, too.
@olyaprokopets2752 2 күн бұрын
Actually bang on about this Matt. It’s a difficult topic and you unpacked it nicely
@azizmemo2527 8 күн бұрын
every sunday ❤
@ghelfling_bunny 3 күн бұрын
Freeze your eggs and also embryos if you have a stable partner, just in case. Then you can relax. I've been for 12 years with my husband and until 41 years old I was SURE I didn't want kids. Then things changed. I realized that I was just scared (fear of motherhood caused by trauma). The irony is that I'm a biologist and I knew well that my time probably was gone. I'm 43 now and stil trying. I am healthy and I look 10 years younger (people get impressed when I tell them my age). Egg quality and reserve doesn't relate to that and my ovaries do not respond to stimulation. I want the whole experience and will probably get egg donation at some point. I know that freezing eggs is a big investment for some people, but you can always work for money, while the egg number and time frame are limited. Better safe than sorry.
@benkesallai 7 күн бұрын
I mean I'm a man, and this video is really relevant to me. :D I'm 33 atm but I don't want to be old when I'll have my 1st child. I want to see them throughout a lot of years. How they grow up, what kinda person will they become. Want to support them for as long as I need to.
@JC-catsNYbike 5 күн бұрын
Thank you for this video. Its what I needed to hear. I'm also 38. I was in a on and off three year relationship with a guy ten years old than me. I had the serious talk with him and explained that this was a goal of mine. I consulted with a fertility doctor who explained the whole process and the out of pocket costs. After careful consideration, I decided this is something I would like to do with a steady partner. I thought we were doing good and asked if he would want to be my sperm donor or consider doing this with me. He basically said "no" in a round about way. I took this is my cue to walk away. He is not the right person for me and my future children. Even though, I feel like I am running out of time, I want to be with the right person. Whether that's raising our own biological ones or adopting.
@val6788 6 күн бұрын
Wow Matthew this was really good for me I really took this in a way that i understood how i feel at this point in my life. One of the best videos Ive watched yet, Thank you for what you do ❤
@Paula-fd6lj 3 күн бұрын
I remember the first time you talked about this in a video talking directly to men about not wasting women's time because of this very reason. Thank you for creating another video giving us the steps to approach this topic with someone. I am in this situation and this video was extremely helpful!!
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