as per my experience, men certainly don't change, but It's not either black or white in this case, I experienced it, if a man truly loves you and he gets to know that certain things are important to you, he will do it for you even though he didn't do it earlier, and not because it just impresses you but he genuinely wants to see you happy.

Thank you so much for this video !! My family is very dysfunctional. I have autism, adhd and cptsd but I still want to try and get my life together. I hope you will make more videos like this!! They are very helpful to me! Thank you very much internet dad haha

Absolutely, great vd and precious advice ❤❤❤❤❤❤

Now make a video on father's advice to men- regarding relationships!

❤ so true

1010💯💯💯 always true! Abuse always escalated, never the other way around.

And it DEFINITELY doesn't mean anything about you, not even if they're "trying" to be "better" for you -- it's nothing more than a damn manipulation tactic on their end (even if they don't consciously know it themselves). Respect YOURSELF; you'll have way more respect than he can ever give you.

So true! Learned a little late.

Thank you ❤

Me too!

😂

I was just about to write the same thing! Great one!! Keep up the good work!🌟

I second this!

Yeppers, me too!

Absolutely. Amen!

women are wired to bond and they attach too quickly before qualifying him.

You REALLY do

We tend to do it the other way around 😕 Going fast but being slow to leave him when he shows he’s bad for us.

@@fcv4616 no you do the opposite

Such sweeping generalisations are more harmful than useful

@@Hello-hello-hello456 Well, it always worked for me.

​@@janetstraw191 So you haven't found the right one then?

​@@Hello-hello-hello456 that's not generalizing, that's the truth, and also she didn't say all

Sam Vaknin said: "100 years ago women had casual sex twice in life time. Today women have casual sex twice a year, men 6 times a year. He said teenagers are not dating at all today, to know each other´s interests, and know each other intimately, the hobbies etc. They just follow trends. he said it changed with teenagers within 10 years....while in previous centuries such big change with teenagers dating would take 100 years....like exchanging interests and innocent form of dating full of acceptance and friendhip and respect etc. so the media caused it. evenn teenagers dont date in normal fashion. if media can cause such big chgange in 10 years, why people blame only one gender. We have to stop feeling brainwashed by corporatiosn and media who spread crazy trends about looks, and beauty and perfection. Perfection doesn´t exist in long term relatiosnhips and teenagrers learn the unwanted patterns from adults and wrong media. Asa Sam Vaknin said just in 10 years the teenagers changed so much that such big change would take minimally 100 years. I like celebrities looks and talents, but if liking the cellebs creates such great change in the world, maybe we should start seeing value in other things. Not compete about who looks better in make up and who doesnt. Nobody is dating in healthy way so nobody has a real relationship, or maybe only 20 percent have healthy relaltionship, because they are dating and knowing each other intimately and emotional intimacy, and knowing each other interests, and not having sex early. People should be inspired by the old generation, where they were dating just to know each other.

Mine as well

Same

same 😥 my father was a sick man. Love to all the daughters and sons of those fathers 💛

Unfortunately you cannot choose family. Do not let it bother you too much.

You had a father???? Lol. I didn't. And Mom didn't bring home a winner til third time out. By then I was 18. But. I told myself i wanted a guy like him. He is awesome.

I hope that you are able to slowly heal.... sending love and strength 🤗🕊✨️

If you were high value you would have let him go right away, before he destroyed you. Not saying this 2 hurt you, been there done that, but we only accept if we don't have high values.

​@@Liz-dragon-street. She could have been lied to or gaslit.

@@Liz-dragon-street. He is a Dismissive avoidant. He came on strong with the love bombing. Everything was great. Slowly, things changed and the push/pull, hot/cold started- then the intermittent reinforcement. It’s a very hard cycle to get out of. They hook you and trap you.

@@prettybird7597totally right - it doesn’t mean you’re not high value if someone deceives you! It just shows how deeply you’ve loved someone and that’s beautiful - you’ve gained a lot of wisdom now for the future to make the right choice x

❤❤❤

Tbh all these tips including this one help everyone who is dating.

Thisssssss. Whyyy tho?!

omg ive actually noticed this habit on a guy friend of mine,we are no longer friends bc he ghosted me,but this comment just explained why!

God loves you ❤

Good for you! Love that! I’ll do the same, too. Much love ❤️

Thanks, @@MM-em6ly! Here are my recap: 1. Value and respect yourself. 2. Never try hard. Emphasis on hard. Both must put in the effort. 3. Know when to believe him or not. Does his words match his actions? 4. Good guy will not risk losing you. He will make mistake but you shouldn't be mad all the time. 5. No one is too busy to reply within 48 hours 6. He should pay for the first date. You can offer. 7. You can not change him. You can only decide how you will react. 8. Chemistry is overrated. You need to be attracted but having the same value and able to communicate is also important. 9. Don't play it cool. Show him you like him and what you want in the relationship. 10. Be with a man who will bring out the best in you. 11. Guy who lose interest and comes back is not really interested. 12. Always address red flags. 13. His best behavior is in the first week / month. If it's already bad, run! *Also must watch: Why You Should DETACH from the Man You Want

I need to write that to

Woah I write journals too 😭 it really helps a lot when you're going thru stuffs

@@sudhajalakam3626 Totally! Started writing when I was 15 and 30 years later it turns into scrap/photo/journal 😊

Same here, sending you a huge hug from me, i wish the best, i hope we'll learn from our mistakes and never look back

What were the red flags??

@tutupu27 the subtle signs I ignored were me saying that in my opinion when you're angry, it's best to take some time off, relax, and react to the situation when you're sure you won't make rash decisions that could end up hurting people, while he believed that when you feel an emotion you should feel it 100% and not hold back for the sake of others. That mentality lead to him chocking me out one time when he got mad at me and then trying to gaslight me into believing that it was well deserved and totally okay and that if I hadn't made a mistake which led to him being angry, nothing would've happened.

​@@Anonymous-ev3rl wow that sounds like my abusive and manipulative elder sister, blocked her for the same reason of physical violence and manipulation. Wish you healing, love and support, you got this❤

@user-gs1et6sx4k thank you so much. I'm sorry you have a family member like that. It's awful to not feel comfortable and safe around your own family. I'm glad you chose your mental health first and did what you had to do to gain some distance from her. You should be proud of yourself for choosing YOU first. It's not an easy thing to do🫶🏻

Sad to say - I agree. Sad that this is the closest to a caring parent we get.

Tell me about it , ladies 😅

I’ve experienced this first hand 😂

A bad guy wouldn't encourage you to seek better. However if that's the way that you feel, you should continue as you're doing.

i don't agree , most of the time its ether just a compliment or you did something he appreciated. depending on the context or circumstances it could be a lack of confidence too.

nope. it's simple. believe people when they tell you who they are.

Oh they would. Bad guy, manipulator, liar, most of them aren't very clever or intelligent. We're doing half of their jobs because of expectations, loneliness, growing up with bad role models, trauma, etc...

Or she will avoid them altogether.

Well, the problem is that that advice has to be followed up with something. If you're going to tell your daughter that all men suck, mention that not all men suck to the same degree. Then, you have to go into the whole history of why that is, and then you have to tell her that they have been raised for millennia to look out for number one, and they are number one in their own minds. This is a species that for millennium was raised to kill. If they would kill another human being, what would they do for sex? What would they do to feel a sense of being attractive to a woman? Seems to me pretty much everything is on the table. So, not only should she be number one in her own mind and her own life, and learn to be very aware of the sensations she feels in her body, because every one of them, except for lust, is telling her something she needs to know. You need to tell her that, even when she finds the right guy (which is the kind of guy I'm talking about isn't, but he chooses her, so she feels like he's the right one), he can change his mind, he can cheat, he can change in a really bad way, so she, looking out for number one, needs to prioritize her own independence, her freedom, and her ability to be on her own if she ever needs to be. Without being sad about it.

Yeah. I wants to telepath through the phone and hug him once limo

@@mymuna4689 I wish you succeed, lots of love

Definitely.

Could be said for a lot of parents in general

@@WilD__EyeS_Official same to you too mate

Or lower their standards.

⁠@@nalublackwater9729 just a friendly tip: if you mean “for everyone”, you’d be better off saying “Or everyone should lower their standards.” You’d still be wrong since we’re talking women with crippling self-worth here, but at least you wouldn’t be singling them out.

no lol.​@@nalublackwater9729

You mean women, not girls, right? Do we still call grown men "boys" when discussing them?

@@aurale9180 +++ i hate the infantilization of women

Same thing happened to me. My mother is very self centered and my father just puts up with it. Whenever I tried to date someone it always ended up being all about them, my needs would be ignored, they would be all talk and create a bunch of broken promises, they ignored the fact that I was unhappy, they would try to guilt trip me whenever I tried to change the way things were going, and the second I needed them they would run away and leave me alone to deal with all the shit. But, once i recognized what my parents were doing to me, things really started to change for me. I could pick out how they were affecting me emotionally, what little things they did that really messed me up, and I was able to become proactive about keeping how they treat me at bay. Unfortunately, it came at the cost of my ability to trust people. I haven't dated since, so I can't say how it's changed my relationships yet, and I'm still working on how to define my boundaries with other people. If you were to strip away all the emotional baggage and all the warped shapes my personality has been twisted into by other people - I'm certain that I would have been one confident bad ass genius who would've accomplished waaaaaay more. But, instead, I became an overly complicated handicapped anxiety riddled weirdness and I haven't got much of anything to show for all the stress I've gone through. I'm probably going to be spending the rest of my life just peeling away all the shit that's been dumped onto me, and rebuilding my life from below the bottom and up.

I’m glad you took something bad and learned from it and made it guide you and filter out the ugly out there. Much love to you

I know people know 100% what narcissism looks like and they still keep choosing it. Some people are just designed to suffer forever.

Sam vaknin has a great yt channel on cluster b personalities. My ex was borderline and she turned me into a narcissist for a while. Cluster b is weird cause nobody fits 100% in one diagnosis, its more like a sprinkle of this and a dash of that.

​​@@Rin-ig3ci it only seems that way in the beginning. Therapy will help a lot, meditation and sport. Creating art and expressing your emotions through it does help too. Oh, and actually cutting off all toxic relationships that continue to have bad influence on you, so you can actually heal and stop being in survival mode is number 1 step. It 💯 will get better if you work on it, trust me

They really do wait for you to make their choices

Sounds familiar. I did that once. My fear of being or staying alone and not finding anyone else was immense. And breaking someone's heart especially when they treated us with love and kindness made it very difficult for me. In retrospective, the kind act had been to say no and leave as soon as I knew it wasn't right for me. I hope this gives you some insights

@@Xatex18 I hope you're able to find healing for your wounds and live with confidence one day

@@Xatex18 Thank you for talking about it! I'm glad it wasn't from a place of cruelty. Perhaps we're all young once.

Same here

Same here! And he considers his daughter a failure for not being married and judges her for turning down incompatible partners saying that she is incapable of having a relationship 🫥 Why would I want to rush to marriage when all my life I have seen a mother sad and submissive, while she was being cheated on 🫥

@@PlayGrow410 When my mom found out my father was cheating she dumped his ass, I was a little over a year old, she found out that he not only cheated, he also had himself a secret family with a daughter who wasn't even biologically his own. Eventually, that too ended in a divorce. But she wasn't the first and certainly wasn't the last. His life has been a series of cheating and divorcing. So, in a way I kinda get what you mean, and how that feels.

That’s so sad.. I’m so sorry 😢😢

I remember at age 17 I was considering dating a much older man who told me over the phone that it was normal for men to have affairs while married ....that conversation was the end of any future with that guy

"To my dear imaginary daughter" will be a lovely book...

God loves you 💕

❤

Honestly, I'm a guy and I really needed to hear this advice too. I didn't have very good mentors growing up, so I had very low self esteem as a kid and would settle for anyone who gave me any kind of attention, even if that attention was predatory and abusive in nature. I was an easy target for those with bad intentions, and ended up in some unhealthy relationships that made my mental health deteriorate even more. If my parents told me all the things he mentioned in his video, my life would have been so different, and it would have saved me from a lot of pain and heartache.

@@noway377 absolutely. At least we'll know what to tell our kids.

*hugs sister*

"If a guy says he's crazy, believe him" Amen, sister! I dated a guy that always said he was crazy and it took me a while to actually realize he was.

@@Optimally_healthy5831 Truth!

i recently had a guy straight up tell me he's a sociopath. Oh, another one did too, several years ago (forgot).

@@jtwright4095 😳I've definitely learned now to believe em

@@Optimally_healthy5831 I've definitely learned to believe them when they say stuff like this instead of the usual being like, "Oh no you aren't, don't be silly" or something to that effect.

I'm sorry, I hope you are okay and please be careful and take care of yourself the most and love yourself ❤

I would like to be your friend because I'm socially anxious and lonely but only if you're comfortable, if you don't want to that's Oki I understand ❤

Nice hearing this from a guy😢

Aw hugs hugs yesss many guys need to hear this too!! Remember you're amazing ^^

@LovelyHorizons Thank you. You guys are so sweet. This is really good advice and definitely would have saved me from a lot of heartache if I knew my worth from a young age. So many young people would benefit from hearing this message.

I'm in my early 40s you're not alone this world is just hard on responsible people who took the time to deal with what they've been through

Due to trauma, I have never been in a serious relationship at 40. You are not alone.

I recently turned 35 and I've never dated as well. I also did not try and focused on school and work. I'm quiet/reserved and get nervous/guarded around most people due to some bad experiences. You're not alone, for sure.

not dating is a good thing considering the mentality and overall state of society.

Challenge yourself and go out! We will always have issues, but its far better to share life than be afraid. A good dude will understand. I know first hand bc I've lived it.

"you're too beautiful for me" = "I'm very insecure and I can not commit right now" what that really means

​@@rachelreii5952op wrote "partner" so im p sure he did want to commit, and he has

ever heard of an enmeshed narcissist mother-son due ? treating each other like husband and wife ? witnessing that from a distance can totally mislead you

@@mashoba927 See? That's totally a red flag. Do NOT marry that man with the mother-obsession. But a son who treats his mother with RESPECT is a keeper.

And be very aware of the opposite kind of mother issues. If he expresses any kind of generalized bitterness, spite, or anger toward his mom - tread very carefully. If she is alive and they have little/no contact (opposite extreme from the TOO MUCH above)... you need to know the history & how much he's put into working thru that baggage. If he has some self awareness about it & can communicate their issues in healthy ways, etc... That's one thing. If you've been together more than a couple months & he doesn't want to talk about it... if he makes biting little comments about her, but then he shuts down on the subject, or glosses it over if you ask questions >>> That is NOT okay. You will inevitably remind him of her, by virtue of being female... and you don't have the "untouchableness" of his mom mentally or physically. This includes men who's fathers were abusive & their Mom did not protect/remove the child(ren).

I think it's important to stress that abusive mothers do exist, and your partner may have good reason to treat his or her mother in a way that may seem strange to you. To pressure your partner into treating their mother differently, just for you, is incredibly disrespectful to them. It completely disregards their lived experience and their atonomy. Please don't do that. You should still pay close attention to it though, because it provides a lot of insight into how your partner handles difficult or destructive relationships. Ask yourself: * How is it affecting *your* relationship? Does your partner become emotional when they are reminded of their mother? If so, what emotion does it conjure? Anger? Sadness? Fear? And to what degree? Do you feel like you're walking on egg-shells? Does it ruin your time together? If so, that might be an indicator that your partner is not in a good place for a relationship. It doesn't neccesarily mean they're a bad person, but they need help that you are unable to provide. You should talk to them about it, but if it doesn't seem things can or will improve, it's probably best for both of you to break up. * *Do* they talk to you about it? Please note that "No" is a valid answer here. Your partner does have the right to some privacy. It really depends on how much it affects your relationship. You have a right to expect some insight if it's having an effect on your time together, or if your partners behavior makes you uncomfortable in other ways (ex. they treat themselves or others poorly). But if your partner is not acting destructive, they do not owe you an explaination. Opening up about that kind of thing is a choice they should be allowed to make on their own. If they don't want to talk about it, respect that choice. In time they might open up about it, but not always, and that's OK. Respect their privacy, and remember that you have a right to privacy, too. An analogy: Keep your cards on the table where you both you and your partner can see them. It's OK if some of them are facing down. * If they do talk to you about it, *how* do they talk about it? Patricia mentioned biting comments with no deeper insight, and that is indeed a red flag! Bitterness, resentment, and an overwhelming focus on what your partner feels they are owed, rather than what they have learned from their bad experiences is a really bad sign. This I would say might very well be an indicator of how they will treat you in the future, and how they will talk about you to others once you break up, which will hopefully be soon. (Conversely, if it's something they don't talk much about, it might be an indicator that they don't like speaking ill of others, which is _generally_ a good thing.) However, if they talk about it maturely, with a healthy amount of self-relection, an appeal to principled behavior, healthy boundaries and respect, you might just have a keeper =) Edit: Oh and it should go without saying, but just to be clear: if your partner treats their mother outright horribly, abusing them verbally or physically whenever they meet, all bets are off. I don't care what the history is. Two wrongs don't make a right.

The thing is my dad would always say very kind things about his mother (he even gave me this exact piece of advice). However, he was really mean to me, my mom, and my sisters. He would call me a bitch and threaten to “throw me to the streets” over little things. He would also force me to hug him whenever he came home and would guilt trip me if I didn’t. Maybe he’s an exception to the rule, but I don’t think a guy’s relationship to his mother always means something.

You are correct in their immaturity, but they are true in their words! So there are two things likely going on (Do not take my words as truth, but I am... likely on a right track 😅) 1. They do like you, and wish to be with you 2. They are feeling insecure in their abilities to be with you Two things that conflict each other. If this is the case, give them the time and space to mature. They need to develop their abilities and stability in life. I think that you stepping away from them, telling you are not going to date people who are insecure like this, is a good thing for both you and them, even if their initial reaction might be to get upset (of course, they lose out on a person they found interest in, so let them be upset about that and don't blame them) Eventually they will develop their strengths and be ready to make one truly happy. That is when the words "a real men would not risk losing the one he loves" come into play. I wish you a fine day 👍

"You deserve better than me." Yep, I guess I do. Byeeeee.

When you understand this you realise that men always tell you who they are even when they’re not doing it on purpose….it is really liberating ❤

If they say that " you deserve someone better than me" then believe it and block him permanently and create separation with him permanently and you can start dating new person 😌 simple

Soo true😢

They never respect their own promises!

Why are they so fake

😢they always promise

Dude Selena is a drama queen

That is so freaking CUTE!! I can't!! 🥹😭🥰

@@ashotofmercury I know right? ☺️

Thank you 😊 we appreciate your insight definitely would love to save myself heartache

This is such a kind comment.

Thank you I was iffy if this video would be helpful. After hearing it out half way I was nodding to it. This comment just makes me feel it has more credibility. So thank you,

Very true!!!!

Really true. Lots of bad examples

can absolutely relate

I had a good father, but he never told me any of these things. And I guarantee you, most fathers don't.

Same here ❤

Yes. It helps to filter out a lot of incompatible partners

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

I'm so sorry 😢 please focus on healing all of your trauma because when you dont work on healing your trauma it will affect you all the time, don't let this ruin your life! You are worthy of happiness, respect and love and also remember to be careful, cautious and love yourself❤

I'm sorry you experienced that. I hope you heal and experience the best life has to offer ❤

May the Lord Jesus shine His light into your life, may He remove your pain from your heart and give you healing and His grace and mercy. The bible tells us that Jesus loves and cares for us. May the loving Savior bless your life , may He bring happiness to your heart, Amen 🙏

Amen to that. Knowledge of this could have saved so many lives

Beautiful!!

Lol

yes! I once had a guy tell me for years that he wanted to marry me, he loved me, wanted to be together forever (I wanted to wait because I, we, weren't ready). Years later, the relationship ended because I got fed up with everything being all about him, there was always time for him and his interests but there was never time for me, let alone my interests. - He just proved to me where his priorities were: not with me, just him by himself.

@@Rin-ig3ci I am so sorry you experienced that. It's taken over a year to right myself after my first breakup, and I see some similarities; he said all the right things, told me he wanted to marry me, we'd make it work (ldr), etc. Things began to crack as he chose himself and others more and more, and I don't think I respected myself enough to speak up and maintain boundaries. In the end, he cheated and left me. We tried again, and unfortunately the patterns didn't change. But the cliches and platitudes turn out to be true, and we really do come out better on the other side, don't we? Wiser, kinder to ourselves, and better equipped to help those around us (: I pray you're doing alright now, and even better as time passes. You are precious and worthy of a true, honest, pure love ♡

Invalidating other people's interests, yes, that hit hard and lesson learned 🙈 healthy people don't do that

Yes, I felt that one. I'm spiritual and was with an atheist for four years. He not only belittled my core religious beliefs, but made a point of mocking me for them.

I am really sorry to hear that

It sounds horrible, I am sorry it happened to your sister

@@broidkanymore-zc4lt what an insensitive thing to say to someone esp who is suffering

@@broidkanymore-zc4lt don't you know when to just be quiet and don't ask ignorant and plainly dumb questions?

@@broidkanymore-zc4lt You know what you're doing and you're sick.

You will! My tip is just to be real and sincere, regardless of who she is, be You.

Honestly, I'm a guy and I really needed to hear this advice too. I didn't have very good mentors growing up, so I had very low self esteem as a kid and would settle for anyone who gave me any kind of attention, even if that attention was predatory and abusive in nature. I was an easy target for those with bad intentions, and ended up in some unhealthy relationships that made my mental health deteriorate even more. If my parents told me all the things he mentioned in his video, my life would have been so different, and it would have saved me from a lot of pain and heartache.

You needed a video to be a decent human being

Same. But honestly I've always struggled (and still struggling) with self esteem so I never ever have asked out a girl even when I was interested because I know that as I am right now, if I cant learn to love myself, how can I love and care for another person? Still praying and trying to be a better person and find a woman fit for me that I can love and will love me

@@spikejonzelover420 A decent human being recognizes they could be making mistakes without realizing it. I already don't make the mistakes listed in the video, but I'd be self-centered to think I am always avoiding every mistake there is out there a guy can make. People are fallible, and you're not as perfect as you think either. Maybe listening to people from experience might help you recognize that.

lol men who think like this are dumb. Women are more than baby machines and adult sitters.

😢true

I'm 27 years old. Never had a relationship before. My father is a drunk and I have very low tolerance for his BS and I'm very quick to call him out on it. The last time it happened, he told me to find a random guy who'd f*** me. Apparently, he thinks I'm overly irritable and getting laid will fix all my problems. A**hole.

Lol

Thank you!❤🎉

Yes, that single part is key, and they aren't always upfront about it 😢

I agree!

Me too.

Yes!

What do you think might be different about those experiences for you compares to the first or second time. I think you might know more than you think. Give yourself some introspection time

yes

Can u explain this more ... Sorry, i didn't get it but it sounds imp

Wow, you're strong at making decisions. Good for you. I know am a stranger but I'm proud of you.

@@ambernjoseph4101 thank you so much :)