I lived in Rome in the 70’s. Had an Italian boyfriend, taught English as a foreign language. Our relationship was strained because I was constantly being singled out like this: “So that’s how Americans think.” I finally went home because I’d never fit in. But I took a lot of “stuff” home with me. One day someone commented that I always wore dark clothes. That came straight from my attempts to fit in. It took me a while to get myself back. Fast forward 50 years. I married my Italian boyfriend who came to America. We made trips “home” often. I still didn’t fit in. But I didn’t need to. I knew my Irish face would give me away before I opened my mouth. But now people ask how come I speak such good Italian (for a straniera). I guess that’s a good trade off. Buona fortuna, Alyssa.

I so so needed to see this, you have no idea how this is healing me. I can relate to a lot of what you said… Having lived in the UK for years I feel like my identity/persona has changed over time as a result of me trying to blend in so hard and not stick out which translated into suppression and repression of my true self. Whether we like it or not, the country where we grow up defines us, it shapes our personality and just our identity. You said it ‘it’s who we are’… I would even force myself to change my accent and cut Italian (my first language) out of my life whenever I could. Lately, something within me has been fighting back tho. I’ve been feeling tired, tired of ‘acting’ - This desire to fit in has turned into a punishment. Just like that something clicked ‘I can only be myself!!’ You can only be who you are! And we can give a twist to our host countries. Now I am much kinder to myself, when I think about the situations (or lack of) I would put myself through I can’t help but laugh 😅 no more avoidance, no more scenarios in my head, no more dodging people for fear of slipping up or being singled out. I am just going to be me = freedom = my smile is back = no masks. An act of self-sabotage really when you break it down. but again I get it as we all just want to belong! We are humans Good luck in Rome! Ps. Italians LOVE Americans and the USA so you will always be welcome there and have nothing to be ashamed of, even when you think you are being made fun of or not ‘accepted’. 🤗 Ciao ciao enjoy spring in Rome, it’s the best!!

Non ti preoccupare Alyssa, anch’io spesso incontro gente maleducata. Qui in Italia sei la benvenuta, come chiunque di noi, non c’è differenza. Sii orgogliosa di essere americana, gli Stati Uniti son un grande paese di cui devi andare fiera. Non avere pausa di parlare italiano con accento inglese. Qui in Italia ogni provincia ha il proprio dialetto, spesso anche a me capita di avere difficoltà a capire altri italiani che parlano nel loro dialetto. Spero che passi questo momento triste e riprendi ad essere una persona solare come hai sempre fatto. Un abbraccio.

Needed this. Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability. Hitting a rough/difficult patch with my Rome experience. This was a great reminder to continue to embrace and take pride in who I am and where I come from, even while living abroad.

First of all, amazing cinematography and editing. Kudos to you for sharing this rough journey, before the end of your video I was rooting for you to cast off this burden you put upon yourself. Authenticity is liberating as well as reaching the level of not giving two figs about what anyone else thinks. You do you and shine!

A very cute video with such inspiring words. As a Canadian living in Italy, I’ve often felt a sense of repression and homesickness. Your message is a powerful reminder to remain true to ourselves, no matter where we are. Thank you ❤

Oh sweet girl :( keep your head up! You are a light to all who meet you!

oh my gosh Alyssa! This video made me tear up so much, everything you said i recognize so much:( I moved out Rome because I was living in an unsafe zona but I want to give it a second try. There are good people in this world and when someone says to u that u have to go back where u belong that says so much about them. Be proud of who you are! Thank god we all are different, how boring would the world be otherwise. We can even learn and grow because of that, for both parties. Have a magical sunny Sunday bella!😊

I love your authenticity. You’re fighting the good fight for the girls who can’t live abroad but watch your journey 💖 please don’t give up!!!

Hey, just dont give up ❤ keep on trying until you achieve what you really love and really likes. Just be you, love you, respect you, just be the better version of yourself.

Thank you for sharing. I struggle terribly with where I fit in the world. You appear to be so aware and leaps/bounds ahead of me at your age. Hugs and wishes for a happy holiday season. xo

Grazie.

Alyssa, a powerful video. It took me a really long time to stop taking things so personally but it is so freeing when you do - as you have found. Sending you virtual hugs and glad you are feeling more like your old self.

i appreciate how vulnerable this video was! i felt this way when visiting Montreal on a solo trip. I do not speak French and was worried that if I spoke French it would sound bad, but if I spoke English I'd sound like an entitled American. so I didn't speak to anybody. this year I went to Milan on a solo trip and just decided to try speaking Italian even if it sounds bad, and it made me feel a lot better. part of life's journey is accepting that you won't always be perfect but having the courage to try anyway.

Yes you are an American living in Rome…celebrate this ❤ No one has the right to ownership of any country to be exclusive..this is ignorance on their part..you have the right to enjoy life wherever you wish and live your life as who you are …an individual❤

these are all things i feel as an american living in rome… some i recognized and others i didn’t necessarily think were also an effect of my desire to blend in. i knew i wouldn’t speak in english on transportation, i dreaded having a friend come where i was a tour guide because i knew they’d speak freely and not understand why i felt so hesitant. i didn’t realize though that i also put on the “don’t mess with me face” and going outside feels unnecessarily tiring and violent (not in actuality, although i have been assaulted minorly, but most of this “violence” im inflicting upon myself for the reasons you stated here, just making myself not be MYSELF is mentally exhausting. i appreciate this video a lot and im probably going to come back to it weekly ❤️

Con la tua cultura originaria, con il tuo modo di essere, con la tua sensibilità e con la tua anima, tu sei una ricchezza per Roma e per questo paese. Cercare di non essere ciò che si è per una questione di "accettabilità"... beh, per me è anche questa una forma di violenza. Sii ciò che sei e ciò che senti... alla fine, il cuore Roma te lo offrirà lo stesso.

_Just be yourself,there is good and bad in everyone ,in everything,in every situation to life_

@AlyssaMaeFriend What a beautiful soul you are! Mean people will be mean no matter the country. You be your beautiful self & be bold with your kindness! It sounds like your community needs your light!! Shine bright! Lord Jesus LOVES you!! Alyssa, you are a blessing with a purpose!! ❤

Athough, I am not American also not an Italian but I can relate. Plus that part of Italy is way more conservative as compared to its northern part. Here in North region things are a bit better. Stay strong

Hi Alyssa! This was such an amazing video! I am really impressed that you were able to bring out all those very intense personal feelings that I am sure many people share with you. I am also super happy for you that you pushed through it and are now living life on your own terms. Proud of you too!!! Keep doing what you're doing. It's awesome. See you soon I hope!

Good for you! And thanks…I needed to hear this :)

First time on your channel ❤ thank you for sharing your experience, reminded me of myself when I moved to UK at 18, my partner was from a minority community so I felt like the double dose of not fitting in, for a good decade 😅 Just loved it for you to have found your freedom so much sooner, with time you learn so much more about yourself and grow more resilient ❤

This was really beautifully made. Your content is so good 💗

Really liked the aesthetics of this video, the style, the voiceover, the story, very cool and well done!

I missed this video, not sure how your channel stopped showing up in my feed, but so nice to hear your revelation. I too, used to obsess about fitting in and not appearing like an American, but I was fooling nobody but myself. Love this video format, too.

There are no crazy people in this world..don't listen..sei bella così come sei, americana e sorridente😁

Beautiful 🔥😊

-Noi italiani guardiamo (we stare). Sempre, tutto e tutti. Anche con insistenza. Non c'è nulla di personale. Impara a guardare anche tu allo stesso modo! 😅 - Sulle persone che ti hanno detto di "tornare da dove sei venuta": vivi a Roma e hai l'opportunità di usare nel giusto contesto un grande numero di efficaci e fantasiosi insulti in Romanesco. Usali senza esitare in questi casi! - Da qualche parte ho letto che "gli italiani spesso non si vesto in base al tempo ma alla stagione". Credo che con i cambiamenti climatici questo cambierà. Nel frattempo considera l'uso di fibre di cotone e lino e vari mix con fibre più pesanti. Vestita ma non troppo "coperta".

For what this is worth to you... the apostle Paul always stuck out like a sore thumb. There were twelve apostles, and then there was Paul. He was a wildcard. He kind of existed outside the whole structure of the church... he only answered to God. Its no wonder the Catholic church has kept Paul "buried outside the walls". They never liked his freedom. They didn't like that Jesus chose Paul to go to Rome... he didn't fit their expectations. He challenged their authority. But that's exactly the type of thing Jesus does. He's completely free and sovereign. He has power to do literally anything he wants to. No man or woman can get Jesus under control. He died for our sins and rose again... so only He has the right to judge anyone. Be who God made you to be. 🕊 ‭‭2 Corinthians 3:17 "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

🥺☺️💕💗❤💡🦋

Ciao Alyssa, hai buttato giù un sacco di riflessioni particolarmente interessanti: 1) la signora anziana che ti urla "go back where you came from"......daiiii, ma chi sei? ma cosa vuoi da me?! che problemi hai con la vita?!....dammi retta, lascia perdere questi soggetti va la! 2) esteticamente potresti esser di fatto europea, tedesca/austriaca o scandinava......ma italiana, sorry but u're too blond😅...ecco, al massimo del Trentino o della Valle D'Aosta😬 3) Sullo staring......uuuh, qui si apre un capitolo! Guarda, è un vizio di pessimo gusto del maschio italiano 😑😑 Ce l'hanno tantissimo gli anziani, ti fissano proprio, sembra che ti facciano i raggi X un altro po! Però è un vizio che copre un po tutte le fasce di età, forse i ventenni no, ma dai 35/40 a salire, lo noti tanto. Il catcalling è all'ordine del giorno! Ultimamente sto andando all'estero, zero proprio, ognuno con i suoi pensieri & life worries! Detto ciò, don't lose your smile pls! 🙏 Tu e il tuo ragazzo valutate la possibiltà di trasferirvi in un'altra città, magari di medie dimensoni, tipo Verona, Padova, Trento, Bologna , Brescia o Bergamo. Queste realtà hanno il loro perchè! (fermo restando che lo staring e tutto quello annesso e connesso è pressochè ovunque 😑) Roma è una giungla, chapeau a te che ci ha provato a viverci e che ci vivi tutt'ora 😅😅 4) aja! sul cappuccino after lunch....... ragazza, te ne devi fare una ragione! se provi a chiderlo al bar, super red flag 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Piuttosto fatelo a casa, tanto non ti vede ne tantomeno ti giudica nessuno 😬 5) it's a blessing you've decided to live here honestly! 🙏 and the fact you've attempted to learn italian.......infinite respect for you 😎 6) your presence here, in this country, is nothing more than a plus!! 👏👏👏