Harvard psychiatrist on happiness: Positive vs. toxic relationships | Robert Waldinger
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Harvard has conducted an 85-year-long study on what makes humans happy. Psychiatrist Robert Waldinger explains what they found.
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What is the one thing that, according to science, will make our lives richer and vastly more fulfilling? This 85-year continuing longitudinal study from Harvard says the answer is relationships.
Dr. Robert Waldinger is the current director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running research on adult life. Tracking over 2,000 lives since 1938, Waldinger and his team have dissected the fabric of well-being, finding that wealth and achievements fall short compared to the power of our connections with other people.
Over the eight decades since the study began, scientists have determined that loneliness and isolation can have negative effects on our mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. Key findings of this study suggest that nurturing relationships may serve as our best source of fulfillment, emphasizing the need for "social fitness" alongside mental and physical health.
According to Waldinger, it’s time to invest in the bonds that matter, which, ultimately, is an investment in yourself.
0:00 The single-most important life choice
1:06 Harvard’s longest study on happiness
4:08 3 key relationship lessons
6:45 Chronic stress & loneliness
8:27 Toxic relationships
10:10 “Social fitness”
11:45 The chart: Map your social universe
13:36 The good life
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About Robert Waldinger:
Robert Waldinger, MD is a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, a practicing psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, and a Zen teacher and practitioner.
For the last two decades, Waldinger has been the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. This study, conducted over more than 85 years, has analyzed the entire lives of 724 families to determine the activities, behaviors, and dynamics that enhance a person’s life-long well-being. Waldinger has dedicated his career to examining these elements and discovering what brings true fulfillment to human existence.
He is the author of several books, including his most recent, The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.
@goldwingerppg5953 2 ай бұрын
The happiest people I know are the most generous and I mean truly generous without strings or expectations of recognition. To the contrary the unhappiest people I know are the most selfish. Happiness in the simplest terms is the byproduct of always trying to the next right thing. I wasn’t as naturally generous as I thought I was. I had to get honest with myself before I could change. I started meditating on it everyday to change the chemistry in my brain and over the next weeks, months and years got much better at being naturally generous and as a byproduct a very happy person 98% of the time. I’m still not naturally as generous as my wife and others I’ve used to model my behavior, but I’m far better than I was and I’m much more aware when I’m not to make corrective actions. If I’m being 100% honest my happiness has been a great motivation for me. “TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE”
@ilsedemolder3973 Ай бұрын
What kind of meditation are you practizing?
@goldwingerppg5953 Ай бұрын
@@ilsedemolder3973 I have ADHD and it’s impossible for me to quiet my mind like most meditation ask you to do, like imagine being on a sunlight beach or mountain top. I often meditate in the shower to drown out any ambient noise. I’m not religious at all, but I memorized the St. Francis pray and a couple others and try to think about the deeper meaning of each sentence and paragraph. I believe over time I’ve changed the chemistry and wiring in my brain, however, it’s been progress, not perfection for me. I notice when I start my day with pray and meditation I’m a lot less likely to be an asshole. I grew up in a very religious family, but became an atheist at a young age after studying anthropology and evolution and now consider my self an agnostic. I try to not waste my life being unhappy because odds are there’s no after life, but maybe I’m wrong. Sorry if this wasn’t the type of answer you were looking for, but I have to be honest.
@petermartin9494 Ай бұрын
Meditation changes you and it makes you see that you are strongly connected to other beings and in a way a part of them.
@goldwingerppg5953 Ай бұрын
@@ilsedemolder3973 I responded to your question, but I don’t see it now. I’m wondering if you see it, I’ve had this happen to me several times on KZfaq. If not I’ll try responding again.
@huck2284 Ай бұрын
This is one of the best comments I've seen on KZfaq in a long time. Thank you for your time and effort into making this world a better place! Also, let's not forget that there are many ways to "give". We are quick to point out mistakes that are made, but very few people will thank or reward someone for simply doing a good job. Focusing on things done right over things done wrong could have a very positive impact on society.
@renukatandle7232 Ай бұрын
what blew my mind was that niether money nor status, its people and connections are emotional regulators and maintaining relationships mindfully is something that's so underrated
@cesarvillalobos1692 Ай бұрын
Money may play a part in it, since social fitness may be related to free time.
@hamster_96 11 күн бұрын
But it's still better to cry in mercedes than in metro, innit
@writer1986 Ай бұрын
A toxic relationship can occur when one person is seeking connection and understanding while the other feels threatened and uncomfortable with said wants. The latter then causes drama to deflect the topic and destroys the relationship…. I didn’t knew I was in a toxic marriage until I realized I don’t argue with friends and family, only my husband, and that’s because HE brought constant drama into our lives. I’ve grown indifferent towards him and have learned to reprioritize myself and my children.
@pedrova8058 Ай бұрын
There are people who don't know how to deal with the "emotional work" of being responsive to another person, as if relationships were only about their own benefit and needs
@thewb8329 2 ай бұрын
Our “Success and Consumer” culture teaches us to pursue things we want often neglecting the things we need.
@Justineyedia 2 ай бұрын
Support Systems When you're in fight or flight or survival mode. You don't think about being happy. It's not essential for survival. And we are constantly suppressing anger and emotions and repressing negative thoughts. It's exhausting and frustrating (unresolved conflict). What happens when you don't fight or flight? You fawn or freeze.
@TrannyWillis 2 ай бұрын
Childhood abuse and chronic bullying in childhood put me in chronic fawn mode. It's harder to bully someone who is super nice and sweet, and making family happy keeps the abuse to a minimum. I'm almost 43. I hate it. But it's been so long that my body and brain auto-reacts this way out of fear, and it is always immediately after the interaction that I catch it. But I also live in a state that is deeply one political party where I am another (or at least vote that way since I would technically be a third party). And people I know who belong to the in charge party have threatened people in my party to my face, not knowing I was in the party they were threatening. And the party who threatened also favor guns. The people saying people like me should be dead or run out of the country have guns. Many. They bragged. So yeah. It is for survival. And being still surrounded by threats, how would I ever get out of survival mode? I fear I never will.
@Justineyedia 2 ай бұрын
@@TrannyWillis so polarizing. Free floating anxiety everywhere. And we transfer it all into eachother. Project it onto one another. It all just adds to oir personal stress. And nervous system
@Justineyedia 2 ай бұрын
@@TrannyWillis there are ways to cope with the stress as it comes. I am neurotic so I don't let things go easy and they easily get on my nerves. I have very a sensitive ego. Learning ways to down regulate the nervous system. Head massages. Even rubbing your ears can help down regualte.
@user-yh6wn8mo3f Ай бұрын
You can be a happy person even living in below poverty line. Happiness is in simple things if you appreciate what you have in life, for example, you have 2 arms and 2 legs yes? You could walk to places yes? Would you prefer living in a war torn country where civil wars still exist in our modern world? All humans are born with emptiness but then over lifetime, they fill with parent's love, friendship, material obsession, .etc.. Then return to the origin state of emptiness. It's just cycle of life. You need to define what you value and what you is you. There are always a bright side of everything in life and learning experiences. When you adjust your negative mindset to a positive attitude then you will not living your life as fight or flight mode. Yes, survival is also a good thing too like most of us. Anger and emotions in general are part our natural human experiences. You accept them as what they are. They come and go like ocean waves. What important is that you aware of them and adjust those emotions to become positive and let those emotions motivate you to become a optimistic person. If you live your life against nature and against your emotions, then all you face obstacles. Hope you find your inner calmness and good reasons to continue living your life in happiness.
@NikkLiberos 2 ай бұрын
8:00 It is mind-blowing that this is only getting more of a spotlight in recent years. I have read Van der Kolk, Gabor Maté and now Rober Waldinger and I love that they are making sure this kind of knowledge is much more accessible than it used to be. It has helped me immensely make informed decisions about how my environment (natural and social) and my habits affect my overall health and how to observe them and make the appropriate changes to be healthier overall.
@_Geist 2 ай бұрын
this, precisely! same for me! thank goodness!! i love this stuff, it makes so much sense.
@shakeyj4523 Ай бұрын
I guess picking three people and having only one not a grifter is good?
@Thorny_Misanthrope 2 ай бұрын
Sometimes having someone to talk to makes everything worse. There are people who thrive in your misery. Occasionally they are your family and friends.
@samsudo2730 Ай бұрын
Rewatch starting at 11:46
@IFYOUWANTITGOGETIT Ай бұрын
Growth mindset, open mindedness, mental flexibility, reaching into levels of reality and being able to accept experimental results and logic contrary to ones current beliefs and understanding and being able to express that information to others so that it influences them so that you can strengthen your relationship with them and reality is what lays at the foundation of happiness.
@NathanHarrison7 2 ай бұрын
Life-changing study. When Harvard released the results back in 2016 I’ve been sharing the message to everyone. Especially young adults.
@ccjack431 2 ай бұрын
Thanks to this professor, I have been lonely for a long time. Every night, when I want to fall asleep, I can feel the overwhelming loneliness in my mind. It's almost killed me sometimes. After watching this video, I learned a lot about relationships. I had thought about those things you just mentioned but never made it appear in my clear cognition. But now I know it is important.
@jlockwood65 Ай бұрын
You feel it your mind? isnt that pecuilar. I feel it in my upper chest inner cavity. It feels like a fist sized black hole with a slow, powerful suction that is unsuccessfully trying to draw something meaningful into itself. Mixed with the frustration of never being satisfied. but you feel it i you mind.
@musebymelissa8583 Ай бұрын
Same 💔 But a while back I joined Meetup and found lots of online groups via zoom which has helped a lot. Hang in there 🙏 You're def not alone
@efernandez3385 Ай бұрын
@jlockwood65 dam I understand that sensation
@mamefan 2 ай бұрын
Better Help doesn't accept insurance. How is that better?
@catalystcomet 2 ай бұрын
The FTC also discovered that they shared personal information of millions of users, millions!, with Facebook Snapchat, Pinterest, and more. They're just harvesting data.
@jamesgains8652 2 ай бұрын
Do face to face. Better Help is trash
@jlockwood65 Ай бұрын
@@robertamirtha4242What tf...no who the heck are you to give such a fatalistic view of something you have obviously never experienced. Boy, please. Nothing you stated as facts is true. Nothing. Have you had any life experience yet? because you use words like many and does not. You are absolutely uneducated and close minded and I recommend people stay away from you while you are spewing advice about therapy. Good Day & Godspeed ibtymt
@shakeyj4523 Ай бұрын
Better help will sell all of your information too, is what I hear from critics. I think you are better off without them.
@seanbrazeau1601 Ай бұрын
In America most every tech company sells your data. Some states like California do have protection laws like CCPA, but they are limited.
@joebumbler9430 2 ай бұрын
I don't think Humans aren't meant to be happy ALL the time. Life is more than just one emotion. For some reason we're being told we NEED the happiness switch flipped to the on position permanently, or else there's something 'wrong' with us and we need to be 'fixed'. From my experiences, I see people being taught to avoid certain emotions. Rather then be taught how to properly deal with these feelings, They're encouraged to lash out at the world that made them feel something other than overwhelming joy. To the detriment to the person who never learned healthy coping methods and mostly to those enabling the behavior.
@varishevolve 2 ай бұрын
You just nailed it buddy🎉
@thisisme5487 2 ай бұрын
Who's telling us we need to be happy 100% of the time? I think that's a misconception many people who think that way form on their own, merely due to the discomfort of being unhappy or dissatisfied.
@joeseabreeze 2 ай бұрын
You clearly didn’t understand the message in the video. He clearly says that you can be “socially fit”, which is equivalent to “getting enough exercise”. Do you think humans are not meant to be physically fit? It’s the same thing. He’s not saying that humans should have one emotion lol
@iadatoroboto8427 2 ай бұрын
You’re right, we’re not meant to happy all the time, nor are we meant to be depressed, sad, or angry all of the time. Happiness is a healthier state than those other emotions.
@chihirostargazer6573 2 ай бұрын
The only way someone could be happy in this cruel and backwards society is if they are purposefully keeping themselves oblivious and ignorant to the atrocities happening daily all over the world.
@livlit 2 ай бұрын
Best 15 mins I’ve spent on KZfaq today.
@m.p.4707 24 күн бұрын
This was so comforting. This man says things that everyone should hear.
@edmac3893 Ай бұрын
Yes, connection and community is vital. Sometimes our soul has been crushed by those closest to us. Finding the right people to love, care and help you heal is hard given being so hurt, but don’t give up because you are worth being loved and giving love. Peace.
@_Geist 2 ай бұрын
THANK YOU.. it feels like these are the words that we need to describe certain behavior patterns, not necessarily such overly-clinicalized, hierarchical, meritocratic language that frames mainstream institutions.
@nocturnalsingularity3138 Ай бұрын
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when i was 17. This was after I got it in my head that i needed to go. I needed to get out of my life and find a new one. I completely stopped sleeping for days and forgot what it felt like to feel tired. I took my car and just drove. I left south Carolina and ended up in Agusta Georgia. I crashed into this psychotic state of depression. I couldn't even speak, talking caused me so much pain i had to stop. Luckily i had $$ from a work related accident because without it id have been fuuuucked lol. I left GA, and headed home where i locked myself in my bedroom and cut the world off. I couldn't stand the sun, daylight was so painful to me. My twin brother had our friends over everyday and i would sit there in the same chair, trapped inside my mind. The world around me died it seemed, I COULDN'T interact with anyone. It was like i was pulled inside of myself and the day looked like a blur. At night i would start to feel this little relief. Like because everyone going to sleep and leaving me alone was 10 tons of weight lifted off my shoulders. So, I would stay up all night long. Time suddenly started to pass so fast. So fucking fast, i couldn't believe it when i would look at the clock and see that the sunrise would be any min. Eventually i stopped sleeping again. The took off aaaagain. This time i ended up in Pennsylvania. I can still remember it. I saw this snowy town off the side of a mountain. I completely fell in love with it. I thought it was fait. That id found what i was looking for. Only i didn't realize my mom had become VERY worried about me, and there was a missing person report out for me. This lead to me going home. To shorten up the story, i was originally arrested for being completely out of my mind. The cops probably saved my life from hypothermia. After it was discovered that i wasnt on drugs and was missing, my mom came up with my brother and took me and my car home. Still no hospitalization tho. But that came soon after. Either way. Im a single father of two kids these days. I very regularly still get glimpses of that sadness i used to feel back then. I still hate the sunlight and love cold snowy days. I even moved up north east to Central NY. But after a very long and very hard battle with bipolar, i was able to find a sense of peacefulness. Ive accepted my lot in life. I embrace all facets of myself and my moods no longer swing so extreme. If i feel depression setting in, i will write. Turning that ugly feeling into beauty. Mania tho, i need to watch that one. If i find myself energetic at 3am i will take one of my antipsychotics and go to bed. There is always a saddness though, but it is a part of me and i even like it now.
@robertamirtha4242 Ай бұрын
4:45 So that's why I used to always feel like the world was against me. I grew up with childhood emotional neglect, something I learned rather late in life.
@mehobbs82 Ай бұрын
That being said, there are so many free support groups and ways to connect ❤with safe others who have common interests and life experiences 🙌
@JesusRodriguez-fo2br 2 ай бұрын
People chase happiness like if it was a value or state of being. You'll never get there and stay there if thats what you think. The honest truth is that our brains still havent evolved out of the fight or flight era that kept them alive back in the day. Meaning to say, emotions are influenced by our environment, they are something you feel, and they are also driven by ACTION. Therefore, you cannot feel something that you never take action towards. You cannot feel motivated for something unless you start doing that thing you've been postponing. You cannot feel happy unless you start doing something that makes you smile and laugh, or break a sweat. The action precedes the emotion.
@goldie9731 2 ай бұрын
What is happiness if not a state of being? Is it not possible to sit in a quiet empty room and start feeling angry? Is it possible for someone to feel love for you if they have never met you or done anything for you? If you feel like your emotions are dictated by your environment or circumstances you will never achieve true emotional wellbeing. Your emotions stem from your attitude to the current situation, which is in your power to change before taking any external action, not from the situation itself.
@goldwingerppg5953 Ай бұрын
Happiness is the byproduct of always trying to do next right thing. However, I read in a book many years ago that “ACTION CURES FEAR” and I found that was true for me and fortunately I honestly can’t remember the last time I experienced fear.
@jouuueee Ай бұрын
Great information. The type of thing I wish I had known more about when I was younger. Now at 57 I find myself alone, even though I have five children. I'm an extrovert, a bumblebee that thrives in a hive. It would be awesome if this video came with a link to how to kickstart your social life in a healthy way.
@nurailahrazak2390 Ай бұрын
wow happiness are actually near to us and easy to get. Be with right people can make your life much more better.
@officialfranco5478 2 ай бұрын
This guy himself exudes happiness :)
@kitty.turner 2 ай бұрын
In studies of human happiness, is there a bias in selecting individuals who participate in social contracts such as marriage, organized religion, military service, and employment within a company, thereby potentially skewing the results suggesting that human connection leads to happiness? I'd love to hear Robert Waldinger perspective on this.
@WishingStarflakes 2 ай бұрын
I was thinking the same thing
@ElizavetaPolianitskaia Ай бұрын
Also diffirent countries and cultures
@pedrova8058 Ай бұрын
just imagine what it would be like if they included neurodivergent people...
@monkiesbanana321 7 күн бұрын
Include disabled, homeless, and NEETs too. Get a full spectrum sample of humans
@lemmetjie 2 ай бұрын
Good video, BT. Support systems are needed. The quality of relationships does matter. I loved how the presenter tell about good relationships are emotional regulators.
@margarethamaartje3716 Ай бұрын
I really need to see/hear this. Thank you.
@JeffMorrisonAdventures Ай бұрын
I really needed this. Thank you.
@TremblingQualifier 2 ай бұрын
Great video! that chart though at 12:37 can be easily misused. People might be going through a depleting period or may just need the right boost, and if too many people over-apply this principle of rejecting people who are depleting, it can create unhealthy situations or egotistical behavior. Sometimes people also can't tell the difference in themselves between energizing and addicting, thinking of social media for example. People should certainly be around others who energize them but there are so many other aspects to building and continuing relationships that matter.
@11Music18 Ай бұрын
This is great! Thank you for sharing
@StartupTaiwan Ай бұрын
this video made my day, I'm normal then, and happy about it.
@TDChandrasekhar 2 ай бұрын
Happiest people are: those who inspect and remove what causes suffering.. not what causes happiness! paradoxical but true ...connection is base state ..not to be chased
@hjtam88 Ай бұрын
There is so much focus on the external, but the reality is that internal factors, such as genetic predisposition, play a greater role than people are prepared to believe or accept. Acceptance of such internal forces renders us powerless against our mental dispositions
@highlyillogical9399 2 ай бұрын
A good life requires a baseline of self-love. If you truly love who you are, you can cope with life's challenges without ever being broken. Get yourself away from situations that cause you harm, then learn to love being alive. Cherish the time you have in this place, work just enough to acquire the necessities, and strive to become a better human. Everything else will eventually fall in place.
@Team.America Ай бұрын
🇺🇸 Loved it. Sharing with friends and family. I was already thinking that way regarding happiness, but the way you explained it is simply “crystal clear” and in a manner that I can talk about it with other petiole. Thanks!!! ❤
@pumaman1504 Ай бұрын
Great video! I love people that make me think
@mehobbs82 Ай бұрын
This is so good, and it is unfortunate there are so many ads!
@RanmaSyaoranSaotome 2 ай бұрын
Disappointing to see BigThink take sponsorship from BetterHelp given their unethical practices.
@jasonawakelin2926 2 ай бұрын
Agreed, I've stopped watching as soon as I saw this. I doubt I'll continue as Better help is the worst.
@vgtgoat 2 ай бұрын
Agreed. Obviously Big think is not vetting their sponsors. But, money talks and it pays the bills
@lachlanjm 2 ай бұрын
What do they do that’s unethical?
@SethHixie 2 ай бұрын
Is the critique the fact that it's an online appointment? Because therapists are hardly doctors
@RanmaSyaoranSaotome 2 ай бұрын
Betterhelp were sued for selling highly sensitive patient data to advertisers
@carinwiseman4309 Ай бұрын
Unfortunately, good friendships and romantic relationships can help repair a poor childhood, but when you are raised badly and go into the world with negative behaviors, expectations, and poor role models, your chance of having positive relationships on all levels is severely compromised and ends up just causing more problems with people............creating more negativity
@vishaalbhatnagar3924 2 ай бұрын
Great stuff! Thanks very much.
@aaronlim3753 2 ай бұрын
This is excellent, so very helpful
@carcarroom 2 ай бұрын
This is a beautiful video
@brandonkush1225 Ай бұрын
I like how he refers to introverts as shy people
@jostinbastias3449 14 күн бұрын
The correct dychotomic spectrum isn't shyness - extroversion but introverion - extroversion, this man, in this specific matter, is reinforcing the typical preconception of introversion=shy people
@jjk9o9 Ай бұрын
Thank you.
@tunglam5113 Ай бұрын
learning to live w toxic ones and dont let them affect my life
@bruno_avila Ай бұрын
Ive been doing the same...but its so hard =S
@thedudefromrobloxx Ай бұрын
To me this just seemed like obvious stuff that just reminded me of my unhappiness
@XenoCastro1 2 ай бұрын
How to invest in people, when most of them will only have you if they have something to gain from you?
@neonchronicles 2 ай бұрын
Give them something worth gaining. Your presence is valuable, so you have to carry yourself in that way so others can see it.
@pablopenailillo904 Ай бұрын
Sin duda uno de los grandes canales de KZfaq. Simplemente gracias!
@DDW510 2 ай бұрын
I have Asperger's and need a lot of alone time. I am not aware that I ever feel lonely. I workout every day, have friends who I see from time to time, but mostly it's just me being happy at home with my pets. I get stressed out by being around too many people, or having social events that I HAVE to go to. Having to be social when I am not feeling it is the main source unhappiness in my life. Sorry to bust your Harvard Study.
@shoutatthesky 2 ай бұрын
I used to feel like that too. Now I have people I care about life is much fuller and richer.
@moirosalina 2 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing; many conclusions of studies aren't all that objective or complete. Or nuanced.
@moirosalina 2 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing, I'm sure there is something to be said in favor of the conclusions, but many studies aren't all that complete or nuanced. This is the newest 'holy grail'
@matthewjonas8952 2 ай бұрын
You didn't bust it, you just didn't absorb some crucial points later in the video where he specifically mentions that introverted people can need the opposite and require alone time. And even if that wasn't in the video or a finding of the study, you still wouldn't have busted it. There are always outliers. The presence of outliers doesn't refute a claim about the general tendencies of human beings. Cigarettes cause cancer, but not everyone who smokes cigarettes (even all their lives) gets cancer. That doesn't invalidate the research. I'm saying this as someone who is in the very same situation as you. My main source of unhappiness has to do with any sort of social obligation and I prefer complete solitude. Our experiences do not determine what is true for the rest of humanity, and these studies are typically concerned with what is generally true.
@o0HARVENATOR0o 2 ай бұрын
Watch 11:45 through 13:30. It address this. You did not bust the study.
@meandyouagainstthealgorith5787 2 ай бұрын
There is dispute over whether the happiest nation is Colombia or Finland. The two nations are very different. Is there a consistent way to measure happiness?
@thewb8329 2 ай бұрын
Shyness and introversion are not the same thing. (At 13:00)
@selinovaldes 2 ай бұрын
Thanks!
@blitzstormer 2 ай бұрын
Very interesting video - i thoroughly enjoyed it!
@voduytruong886 2 ай бұрын
Thank you a lot
@ahmetunaa Ай бұрын
Until 13:00 'th, the introverts - extraverts explanation, the approach was going quite absent but now the it has combined really well :) 👍
@Thehulkster375 2 ай бұрын
Wild they had a minute long ad at start of video
@user-oy1ku6ql3g 2 ай бұрын
Excellent video.
@moirosalina 2 ай бұрын
When gamily and /or friends are tricky, clubs and such could be a great option imo
@Contessa998 Ай бұрын
I think everyone has a different idea of happiness, and happiness comes in many forms. I think everyone needs to learn what makes them happy. It’s not the same for everyone. There are some very happy rich people, and there are some very happy people that only have strong bonds with one or two people.
@beatrices9161 Ай бұрын
Relationship makes reality.
@logicaldennis1245 2 ай бұрын
Owning a small workout gym with a healthy kitchen attached, where I can make friends with others while physically staying healthy
@AA-wc3tw 5 күн бұрын
I wish someone would study me, tell me what I’m doing wrong, tell me how to fix my life. The overwhelming majority of people I attract are toxic and treat me less than I deserve. I’m down to one friendship-that’s my only relationship in life besides my “professional relationships” with my coworkers (which don’t count as “real” relationships), my always-rocky “relationship” with my toxic parents, and my therapist (I’m so grateful for her support). I’m exhausted from giving and being treated poorly in return. I feel like I have nothing left to give, so I’m giving up on relationships. I can’t seem to attract enough quality people, I can’t seem to figure out how to have quality relationships or even make connections with people, so I’m just going to stop trying. I’m done with people. I don’t care anymore. Relationships have brought me so much misery and minimal joy over my life so far. Why keep trying?
@soonny002 2 ай бұрын
Yeah... just remember that correlation is not causation ok? Not only does relationships make people happy, happy people are more likely to have relationships. Just do your best and don't feel like everything is on you to make things better.
@Zero-Goblin 2 ай бұрын
I have very strong relationships. Doesn't change the fact I'm poor as shit and can't take my baby girl to get the cat scan she needs. I'm filled with love and surrounded by loving people, but doesn't stop me from being depressed and filled with anxiety because of poverty.
@JL-ly7me 2 ай бұрын
I completely agree. Even though some people can be happy being poor, no matter what it doesn’t work for me. What makes truly happy is a combination of things
@Zero-Goblin 2 ай бұрын
@@JL-ly7me I can agree with that
@Absolukely 2 ай бұрын
You have to pay yourself for a cat scan? Is this in the US?
@BFRIZZLE909 2 ай бұрын
America at its finest i can pretty much assume such@@Absolukely
@Zero-Goblin 2 ай бұрын
Yes it is the U.S lol@@Absolukely
@neonchronicles 2 ай бұрын
It makes sense people are the antidote to loneliness. Connection is all we’ve known since the birth of the social human experience. I think I’d like to know if there are tactics BEYOND relationships. Can technology help? Can new ideas and solutions point a way forward so we don’t have to depend on others to cure our loneliness? I think we need to get more creative than just saying “go hang out with more people.” That’s worked fine up until now, but is it not time for something new…? I know I’m craving something new.
@KnowledgeSeeker78491 Ай бұрын
I’m with you because people have been unreliable for me since forever
@NelsonGuedes Ай бұрын
I don't think people realize how much of a privilege it is to have healthy positive relationships. It's not something you are really in control of. Even if you do have some positive connections here and there, it doesn't mean you will actually have the opportunity to spend time with them. And it's all significantly harder when you are marginalized and society doesn't treat you like you are valuable. No wonder marginalized people die young
@maemilev 2 ай бұрын
*If that first statement was true. Successful Sales person would be the happiest person alive!*
@AlexTooRich_Vlog Ай бұрын
Спасибо за это видео и привет из России с любовью 🥰 Thank you for this video and greetings from Russia with love
@giedriusnakas5795 Ай бұрын
good stuff
@OolTube02 Ай бұрын
Personally I never feel lonelier than when I'm in company and I usually never feel happier than when I'm alone. So as much as I would like to follow the advice to maintain relationships in order to grow older than I otherwise would, that would seriously be detrimental to my present quality of life. Can I just shoot for becoming a centenarian by working out and eating healthy, sleeping well, and indulging in no vices like smoking and drinking? Do I have to have human company? I usually eat and sleep a lot less healthy when I'm forced to be in company, family or otherwise.
@ddpwe5269 Ай бұрын
I'm so glad he mentioned that being alone is fine too! There's no need for everyone to have friends coming out of the wazoo when you're quite happy with what you have, even if other people look down on it because they don't understand. Too many people emphasize the need for not being alone thinking being out with friends and family is for everyone.
@MrVermont Ай бұрын
I wish this study discussed whether social connections in physical and virtual worlds produce the same results. After all, is someone spending time chatting online without leaving the apartment for weeks a social person?
@giedriusnakas5795 Ай бұрын
yeah, basically good stuff, man
@Babarudra 2 ай бұрын
a good video, though I wish a few commenters would have a)actually paid attention to what was said, and not extrapolate their own meanings to what was said, or b)actually watched the video instead of assuming what was said.
@nikandthepartz 2 ай бұрын
The casual “started including their wives” lol
@Chikou14219 Ай бұрын
Interestinggg. My answer was meditation
@mr.phenomenaldiaries1223 2 ай бұрын
Phenomenal video ever made on happiness, as a seeker this information is life changing for me.
@idonthaveahandle2000 Ай бұрын
As someone with autism, I'm doing my best.
@kursadmanman6912 Ай бұрын
Do what I love
@richard-mai Ай бұрын
No one I see is energizing, and I feel more at ease when I’m alone. Then I get lonely. Then I see people which drains me.
@drkarenbukharibukhari9931 2 ай бұрын
I was having fun with my golden memories of my personal 💻 childhood
@dakine4238 Ай бұрын
How to develop close healthy connections?
@MorsManet Ай бұрын
Thank you so much for this
@jonathanstrand2474 Ай бұрын
How many in the study have an auditory learning disability. With that many people over that many years, bound to be some. If you cannot communicate well, be communicated to well, in other words if your verbal interpersonal skills are poor or lacking, your relationships will be equally lacking. My childhood was good, I learned to be trusting, but lacking verbal skills, has made me a target to those who want to take advantage, too trusting setting boundaries is done verbally add in ADHD & some autism spectrum quirks, & Narcissists target me. Are the conclusions of the study organized on generalities/commonalities Or on specific findings of various types of individuals? How is it indexed, can I find info on others like myself.
@temirlankasmaliev9322 Ай бұрын
I avoid social gatherings. I feel better that way tho. Or I really like smaller circle
@TheHergeea Ай бұрын
Man…this always hurts to hear when I’m a full on introvert who loves being alone
@joelharris4399 2 ай бұрын
Modern industrial, or rather (post)-industrial bureaucratic states can weigh heavily and taxingly on the human mind for all parties involved with serious implications for overall health, if I may say. According to a new science paper published in the Lancet: Global, regional and national burden of disorders affecting the nervous system 1990-2021 the leading cause of overall disease burden in the world are neurological disorders, neurodegeneration, etc. And here we are talking about an abstract mental state that's proving elusive to attain or at the very least, to sustain.
@AmanSingh-lv9qp 2 ай бұрын
Do everyone have the same ups and downs in life
@its3amagain. 2 ай бұрын
Studies like that always show me that I am not a human being 🤣
@WishingStarflakes 2 ай бұрын
I would say to be more specific. Its easy for me to connect to people only to find out most of them end up transactional and im taken advantage of. Connect with good people. Finding good people is hard because you also have to work your way in a position in life where people respect you. So you do have to have financial stabiltiy and personal freedom to put yourself in a position to connect with people. Its easier that way than to iist be nice and hope for the best that somone who would even acknowledge you would care enough to cultivate a relationship with you. So unless you work on yourself and find happiness in that, its hard to find happiness thriugh others. Its more like other people are there to support you, but your ultimate happiness is on you and your effort, because no one is going to walk thay for you. Having people around makes life worth living, but its not what i would think as the one answer to happiness. Its too much of a complex question to have one answer. But if i have to agree, i would say only inder the terms of building relationships with good people, not just anyone
@crystalhamptonhines Ай бұрын
My questions are: were there types of personalities who participated in the studies and are certain personalities neglected in the study? Are the happier people more socially adaptable, and thus happiness is less for, say, introverted shut-ins who have no relationships?
@raymartecoto8389 Ай бұрын
Curious tol about this
@bipolargamechanger 2 ай бұрын
I’m weird I don’t get lonely. I don’t have many relationships. People stress me out.
@kamaln.s.3310 2 ай бұрын
I believe him because he seems like the happiest man on the planet.
@lingling21100 Ай бұрын
So I'm actually super worried because my grandfather and father were both super lonely depressing people. Always complaining and always a bother to other people. My grand father is still alive... 93.. Still complaining... Bro I'm worried I will live that long and be complaining and depressed...
@tayo_95 15 күн бұрын
I am fascinated by people who are suprised by this video's conclusions, or sceptical of said conclusion...
@Mercy-lb5rq 2 күн бұрын
Health
@notthemlgtom494 2 ай бұрын
Can someone sum up the major points, please?
@jarrettbobbett5230 2 ай бұрын
I wish I could relate to ANY of these videos. No way I am one of a kind so where is the videos for people like me???
@charlestaylor3617 2 ай бұрын
Maybe you should make them bud...
@charlestaylor3617 2 ай бұрын
I also feel the same sometime
@Ni_nikolah 2 ай бұрын
Happiness is emotion, like angry for example. And it’s normal that we are not happy all the time, it’s just impossible and that’s all right.
@gundisalvusamarante3006 Ай бұрын
People has ups and downs, its not the situation of them to define a prosperus relationship, sometimes you have to carry the burden of their lives, not neglect them, just to be real friend, life is not always happy, I know thats the way american teach people in the US, but that burden sometimes one carries later become in a really good friendship. Mi habla es castellano, repito lo que dije en ingles: Las personas tienen momentos que se sienten bien otros momentos malos tambien, pero cuando pasan momentos malos eso no define la amistad o la relación, a veces hay que cargarse con el peso y escuchar lo que tienen que decir esas personas, no negarlas, simplemente ser un buen amigo, por mas que lo que cuente no sea siempre pura felicidad, como veo algo muy norteamericano en cuanto a su postura a los problemas, a veces toca llevar la carga escuchar, ser buen amigo, y normalmente eso es la base real de buenas amistades en el futuro.
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