How to date, mate, and find fulfillment | Helen Fisher & more

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Big Think

Big Think

Ай бұрын

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Up next, Good sex explained in 9 minutes ► • Good sex explained in ...
Is polyamory a sustainable model for societies? Do partners really need to maintain the "spark" to have a healthy sex life? And should sex, romantic love, and attachment be viewed as phases of a relationship or as systems in the brain?
As modern science continues to illuminate the timeless experiences of sex and love, we're learning more about the nature of healthy relationships and the often counterintuitive ways individuals can maximize both sexual pleasure and fulfillment in relationships.
In this Big Think video, we explore all of the above through insights from anthropologist Helen Fisher, journalist Louise Perry, sex educator Emily Nagoski, primatologist Frans de Waal, and author Richard Reeves who examine sex and relationships across three key domains: your brain, your bedroom, and your society.
Read the video transcript ► bigthink.com/series/the-big-t...
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About Helen Fisher:
Helen E. Fisher, Ph.D. biological anthropologist, is a Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, and a Member of the Center For Human Evolutionary Studies in the Department of Anthropology at Rutgers University. She has written six books on the evolution, biology, and psychology of human sexuality, monogamy, adultery and divorce, gender differences in the brain, the neural chemistry of romantic love and attachment, human biologically-based personality styles, why we fall in love with one person rather than another, hooking up, friends with benefits, living together and other current trends, and the future of relationships - what she calls: slow love.
About Louise Perry:
Louise Perry is a writer and campaigner based in London, UK. She is a columnist at the New Statesman and a features writer for the Daily Mail. Her debut book, The Case Against the Sexual Revolution: A New Guide to Sex in the 21st Century, is published by Polity.
About Emily Nagoski:
Emily Nagoski is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist.

Пікірлер: 566
@GreyCrowe
@GreyCrowe Ай бұрын
I'm pretty busy with food and shelter at the moment
@expeditioner9322
@expeditioner9322 Ай бұрын
Not busy enough tho.
@GreyCrowe
@GreyCrowe Ай бұрын
​@@expeditioner9322i'm cooking breakfast actually
@sagarpandey456
@sagarpandey456 Ай бұрын
Wht u cooking?
@osamaqtaitat
@osamaqtaitat Ай бұрын
Lol
@GreyCrowe
@GreyCrowe Ай бұрын
​@@sagarpandey456eggs, toast w olive oil
@aboveaverage3748
@aboveaverage3748 Ай бұрын
Yes, adults, you need money to have your best possible relationship. Money pays for meal dates, transportation, and everything else. You can have a relationship without such means, but there will be additional stress. Women are often attracted to confidence. Even if you don't feel that you are worthy of being a clothing model, you can exercise and practice strength training regularly. Plenty of women are attracted to muscular men, and this should increase your confidence. Most humans are attracted to honesty, reliability, kindness, openness and loyalty. If she is attracted to traits in opposition of the ones I just mentioned, maybe consider someone else. Women are looking for partners they can survive with, raise healthy children with, have stimulating conversations with. Do what you can to improve yourself mentally, physically and spiritually or philosophically. Be patient. Learn. Grow. If you are overzealous, it may lead to dishonesty. You should be authentic from the moment you meet. Don't portray yourself to be someone you aren't. It could cause serious issues later in the relationship when she finds out you were putting on a front. Relax, be yourself, and have a good time.
@EntertainingRunner-vd3bn
@EntertainingRunner-vd3bn 29 күн бұрын
This is something that isn't talked about. Like how is someone supposed to date if they are broke, or don't have a Car in a society where Cars are like nessessary at this point. How do you date if you don't have your own place, if everyone expects you to have a Car, Money, a Private space, and of course, non-existent dating experience.
@user-ym5on6hl5w
@user-ym5on6hl5w 28 күн бұрын
And what are the requirements for a woman?
@johnwinkowski3154
@johnwinkowski3154 28 күн бұрын
​@@EntertainingRunner-vd3bn My recommendation for someone in their 20s who is broke, carless, etc.? Single moms 30+ openly looking for short-term fun. Since you're not a potential stepdad, those "expectations" you list suddenly aren't as important anymore. She'll always have her own place to go back to with you, and the familiarity can help her feel safer and more relaxed. She might want you out in the morning before her kid gets back from their sleepover and avoid any unnecessary questions, so there's usually a cap on how much time you need to put in. It's not long-term, so you just need enough money for one or two dates (and maybe subsequent booty-call Ubers). You're younger, which is a sexual plus and a big ego boost for her. She's obviously had sex at least one time, and usually at that age a woman is pretty comfortable and experienced with sex. I think you'd also be surprised how many single moms LOVE the idea of being a young guy's first and showing him the ropes. They are at their sexual peaks but also have that nurturing side activated, so being young and inexperienced on a guys' end makes for an interesting pairing. As a bonus they usually have lots of snacks, too lol. You're not really doing it to "date", but you still get the social and sexual experience for actual dating later on. Fwiw, I was in that *exact* situation in my 20s and single moms did the trick for me.
@abigaelbalbuena1917
@abigaelbalbuena1917 27 күн бұрын
Fantastic take. Every male has their work cut out for them. Now, as someone posted below, what's the other side's work to do look like after this list?
@opencase9903
@opencase9903 27 күн бұрын
Interesting. You started this comment with "Adults" but the rest of it was advice to men ;) maybe it's not a message to adults, but to men? Which would mean women don't have as much asked of them, but you don't want to admit that.
@kristinhess1704
@kristinhess1704 24 күн бұрын
This is one of my favorite Big Thinks. Such an important topic. Such an essential conversation, largely absent. And Emily is the epitomy of a top-notch speaker, educator, advocate; just a rock-star level type of gal. I love just knowing that she's out there teaching every day. Bang-up job.
@gregvanpaassen
@gregvanpaassen 7 күн бұрын
The obsessions with self and sex are the curses of the age. Give to your community.
@elbretto6062
@elbretto6062 5 күн бұрын
@@gregvanpaassen you took the lyrics straight out of my songbook.
@B.Whittaker
@B.Whittaker Ай бұрын
“Mental health care is a necessity 😄… but, you have to pay for it like it’s a commodity… here’s 10% off! 🤑”
@marsdriver2501
@marsdriver2501 7 күн бұрын
what are you even talking about, is food free?
@elbretto6062
@elbretto6062 5 күн бұрын
@@marsdriver2501 food is free for some gents.
@Mr.Saiful
@Mr.Saiful Ай бұрын
Very deep video I have to watch this video twice Thank you Bigthink for making this video ❤
@michellecook-hill431
@michellecook-hill431 18 күн бұрын
She gets more beautiful as she ages. The epitome of a Sage. Thank you, Helen.
@l01230123
@l01230123 Ай бұрын
The comment section is WILD. Y'all need hugs or something. 😅✌
@invox9490
@invox9490 Ай бұрын
I think what we all need is SEX. 😬
@user-yh1nm1vy3i
@user-yh1nm1vy3i Ай бұрын
I don’t see anything wild? What’s going on?
@Kavaitsu
@Kavaitsu Ай бұрын
Where is the hug
@l01230123
@l01230123 Ай бұрын
​@@user-yh1nm1vy3i Well, there's that recent comment about necro and r@pe, people saying the speakers are mentally I'll, and blatant sexism.
@l01230123
@l01230123 Ай бұрын
​@@Kavaitsu🫂 That's the best I can do from an internet away 😅
@AnnaC330
@AnnaC330 27 күн бұрын
So appreciative for this collage video that help us build and maintain one of *the* most relationships in our lives. Thank you BigThink!!!
@josiahamaze
@josiahamaze Ай бұрын
Men we need women. Dont give up kings. You deserve a queen and she deserves you. Also Betterhelp is trash. Speaking from experience. I just choose to believe the right thoughts and ive healed so many areas of my life over the past couple years. You got this kings and to any ladies reading this I appreciate you all you lovely babes.
@cseptember6562
@cseptember6562 Ай бұрын
Women openly say that they dont need us though.
@Dimitris_Balf
@Dimitris_Balf Ай бұрын
​@@cseptember6562 strawman arguments from twitter don't represent reality
@rheanarula9643
@rheanarula9643 Ай бұрын
@cseptember6562
@cseptember6562 Ай бұрын
Women openly say that they dont need men though...
@Dimitris_Balf
@Dimitris_Balf Ай бұрын
@cseptember6562 nope, just some nobody's on twitter
@WarrenByrdSpeak
@WarrenByrdSpeak 28 күн бұрын
Nice, y’all. Colossal conciseness 😊
@KrisS447
@KrisS447 29 күн бұрын
Great work 👏
@neon_nana
@neon_nana Ай бұрын
I agree with the supernatural part cuz it IS a miracle for all of us to find a right partner and it feels miraculous when we see someone eye to eye. You can never forget that experience: the connection. - but I agree with the process can be scientifically proven too!
@jmipraimundo
@jmipraimundo 27 күн бұрын
yes but not only 1 when you have 8 billion... sorry
@GetToZeeChoppa
@GetToZeeChoppa 28 күн бұрын
Emily Nagoski absolutely nails it here. I stood up and clapped. 👏👏👏
@mollycrisostomo1954
@mollycrisostomo1954 7 күн бұрын
Insightful 😊
@amanborasi2183
@amanborasi2183 4 күн бұрын
so much to learn!
@TheKeirsunishi
@TheKeirsunishi Ай бұрын
How do you find someone to do it with though?
@BitterDawn
@BitterDawn Ай бұрын
By being genuine/authentic and a little brave.
@ricardoconqueso
@ricardoconqueso Ай бұрын
Walk down the street with a crisp $100 dollar bill, flapping in the breeze
@larry6597
@larry6597 Ай бұрын
Too difficult, I'll just wait for my AI girlfriend. Hopefully they make it ultra realistic such that I have to skip Saturday's to watch reruns of that Ru Paul show
@miftarisq2068
@miftarisq2068 Ай бұрын
​@@larry6597married?
@glendakillough6726
@glendakillough6726 Ай бұрын
First thing is that should not be the goal. The goal should be the best version of yourself and a wonderful woman will see and become the apple of your eye. "Do it with" How romantic. I don't understand how women aren't just lined up around the corner for your attention. DAF
@emydpham
@emydpham Ай бұрын
With the way inflation, unemployment, and housing costs are looming in everybody’s wallet, soon, these love anecdotes will be what we only dream about and archived. Let’s call it the caveman love style: focus on food and shelter. 😅
@SuperYogagirl
@SuperYogagirl 29 күн бұрын
💯
@alybeer4559
@alybeer4559 27 күн бұрын
Love the woman talking about poly X monogamy... completely disregarding that nowadays we don't talk about polygyny. It's not about men having multiple women. It's about decentralization of relationships. You can't really compare to men marrying 14 women... under 16... that s just off the point
@jmipraimundo
@jmipraimundo 27 күн бұрын
and also that it works better on the contrary for women to also have several partners...since before they were slaves to just one!
@samaraisnt
@samaraisnt 23 күн бұрын
Yeah that was disturbing. No shit a man having 10 slaves, I mean underage “wives” (expendable brood mares) isn’t going to create a equal or happy society…umm? i thought we discovered that centuries ago!
@umohluna
@umohluna 17 күн бұрын
Exactly, her segment was my least favorite and the least scientifically accurate. Also monogamy is not the biological standard and never has ever been. It’s only been customary maybe for the last 50 years or so. Men cheating has always been socially acceptable including in the Biblical sense. Frowned on but not that big of a deal. Different story for women. Women’s sexual fidelity was based on necessity not biology. The more societal and economic freedoms women have the more likely her cheating starts to increase and comes closer to how often men do it. It’s a matter of not getting stoned to death, outcast or assaulted rather than biology.
@bigmo10
@bigmo10 21 күн бұрын
Followed Emily on Twitter for years and now I know why 👍🏿
@ZaharaReign
@ZaharaReign Ай бұрын
Wow, thank you for sharing your study 📚
@SuperYogagirl
@SuperYogagirl Ай бұрын
I can't even imagine how I could have the time or energy to focus on love and sex, lol 😂 I live in a city where rent is $3k for a one bedroom, food is sky high and living expenses. I envy the young people who can live in a high sex drive and put fun as a priority.
@MarketWizard546
@MarketWizard546 Ай бұрын
Find someone you can split the costs with that you like and you can go at it like rabbits
@Skochel
@Skochel Ай бұрын
Literally move. Life is not worth that level of suffering. Where i live (South MI), 3k is rent, all my bills and all the groceries I could ever want. We choose our suffering, therefore we choose our salvation
@MarketWizard546
@MarketWizard546 Ай бұрын
@@Skochel hah I lived in southeast Michigan
@Skochel
@Skochel Ай бұрын
@@MarketWizard546 it’s not bad, I grew up & currently live near A2. Lots of retirement/suburban housing with the focus shifting to family oriented education
@sageofsixpaths98
@sageofsixpaths98 Ай бұрын
Look how everybody started lecturing what you should and shouldn't do. If she could've she would've.
@x2oChannel
@x2oChannel 26 күн бұрын
Very interesting talk, but background music is a bit too loud and competing with my tinnitus 😅
@simonszabo990
@simonszabo990 21 күн бұрын
Great content
@erinc492
@erinc492 Ай бұрын
Big Think, as much as I like your videos, I can’t believe you’ve accepted BetterHelp as a sponsor. Especially after everything they’ve done
@AndradaBalteanu
@AndradaBalteanu Ай бұрын
What did they do?
@TMK1450
@TMK1450 Ай бұрын
@@AndradaBalteanu Apparently they have done "everything". Looks and feels like a bad-will campaign though... mental health is a very difficult arena, I give them that!
@AndradaBalteanu
@AndradaBalteanu Ай бұрын
@@TMK1450 haven't found what they did...
@TMK1450
@TMK1450 29 күн бұрын
@@AndradaBalteanu me neither. Maybe @erinc492 can help?
@sohu86x
@sohu86x 29 күн бұрын
Takes literally 10 seconds to Google or KZfaq it.​@@AndradaBalteanu
@jerryphilips9346
@jerryphilips9346 15 күн бұрын
Thank you for saying what we as a partner,but first i need to get a partner for this 😅.
@spaceshipastro
@spaceshipastro 22 күн бұрын
made me remember my ex friend that I loved, when he rejected me he said: "I will make u hate me!" in a way to make me stop loving him and be just friends or leave him alone.. uneducated person, he made me think that I am a stalker and a obsessed to a dangerous level which I wasn't, so glad to see a great person and prof here like Helen give people who are like me respect. thank u prof!
@sunbather616
@sunbather616 Ай бұрын
We are in the vanity phase of Universe 25. It's so sad what the dating world has become. I genuinely feel like I left the last helicopter out of Vietnam. Think about what you can provide instead of what you deserve. Providing isn't always in the material. Advice coming from a stay at home dad with 2 kids.
@jamontoast
@jamontoast Ай бұрын
ironically i am living in vietnam right now in my mid 20s and dating has been pretty damn fruitful for me lmao. maybe at this point it's time to get the last chopper IN
@pedrosouza5599
@pedrosouza5599 Ай бұрын
how do I get someone tho, it's been hard on the streets
@HouseOfAliShali
@HouseOfAliShali 8 күн бұрын
That bit about Christianity and monogamy was an eye opener
@catalicul
@catalicul Ай бұрын
thank you for these beautiful lessons
@vagabondfeet
@vagabondfeet Ай бұрын
Why are responses getting hidden?
@hekam
@hekam 29 күн бұрын
Love in the higher power 💪
@movimientoinformativo5314
@movimientoinformativo5314 10 күн бұрын
14:34 why is there Epicuro? Can someone explain me what he has to do with what she's talking about?
@doctordhruv2595
@doctordhruv2595 26 күн бұрын
Everytime they mention Brain and simultaneously show a CT of lung and liver, it bothers me..
@estefanianempequemorales6285
@estefanianempequemorales6285 8 күн бұрын
Co create a context that allows both of their brains to have access to pleasure “ amazing phrase
@Justmegaming404
@Justmegaming404 26 күн бұрын
Tbh Emily Nagoski could’ve done this whole vid. The others were great but what they resonated with me
@troynix215
@troynix215 23 күн бұрын
Huh... I felt the same about Helen Fisher.
@matthewschuessler4422
@matthewschuessler4422 28 күн бұрын
Turn the freaking music down
@sencrew5293
@sencrew5293 16 күн бұрын
Nah this music hittin rn
@skinnyprince
@skinnyprince 9 күн бұрын
😂😂😂
@reddevil211287
@reddevil211287 3 күн бұрын
Yes pls it’s painfully hipster
@c2819fnf
@c2819fnf 21 күн бұрын
All it comes down to is a match of personality/temperament and money. But if you have no money you can’t be a provider.
@travonomenon
@travonomenon Ай бұрын
The self-reporting in these comments is pretty hilarious, ngl
@B.Whittaker
@B.Whittaker Ай бұрын
The incels flocked in droves to this video. Probably got linked on 4chan lol
@jurassicthunder
@jurassicthunder Ай бұрын
​@@B.Whittaker"if i don't like your take on sexuality that means you're an incel" 😂
@B.Whittaker
@B.Whittaker Ай бұрын
@@jurassicthunder sexuality? No one is speculating on whether you’re gay or not lol
@jurassicthunder
@jurassicthunder Ай бұрын
​@@B.Whittakerthe whole video is about sex. are you trying to tell us something? don't be afraid I'm not homophobic like you.
@jurassicthunder
@jurassicthunder Ай бұрын
​@@B.Whittakerthe whole video is about sex. are you trying to tell us something? don't be afraid I'm not h-phobic like you.
@katoy9976
@katoy9976 2 күн бұрын
Hay yaşa! ❤️
@PetraKann
@PetraKann Ай бұрын
How do you know which is which?
@mars_mellow5842
@mars_mellow5842 27 күн бұрын
whats the context to that question
@troynix215
@troynix215 23 күн бұрын
The first guest of three knew her stuf at least.
@alphabeta8403
@alphabeta8403 Ай бұрын
9:00 *Magic trio* 18:00 It’s a brain process
@mars_mellow5842
@mars_mellow5842 27 күн бұрын
its different views of the same topic from three different professionals. The video is made to show you different views on it so you can better formulate your own opinion on the subject.
@khoakdoan
@khoakdoan Ай бұрын
My ex left me twice for another partner. Love is a joke.
@Spaghetti-kun
@Spaghetti-kun Ай бұрын
It's just you're a joke, not love.
@novacaine_
@novacaine_ Ай бұрын
Sorry you went through this, try not to let them kill love for you, its them that's the issue
@FantasmaRadioattivo
@FantasmaRadioattivo Ай бұрын
Never give someone the opportunity of dumping you twice, once is enought
@adukalu168
@adukalu168 29 күн бұрын
Nah bro the 2nd one was on you. U played ur self
@benfelps
@benfelps 26 күн бұрын
@@Spaghetti-kun😂
@marina-6922
@marina-6922 Ай бұрын
Ms. Fischer saying that she had a great childhood makes me think about Albert Camus saying that happy and healthy people who dominate their lives are the best people to help those in need or struggling. Which means that we should strive to be as healthy and happy as possible in order to be fit enough to help each other. ❤
@CrescentPaws5000
@CrescentPaws5000 29 күн бұрын
Why didn’t they address other forms of polyamory there other types besides polygamy like polycules or not just one guy a ton of women it’s not allways like that
@jmipraimundo
@jmipraimundo 27 күн бұрын
Primates dont know how to do monogamy...😂 We are from their family 😉 Was religion and opression men women that obligate a master and a slaver. If today we can transform Patriarchy to Matriarch everyone will be more prosperous happy and no violence😉
@mars_mellow5842
@mars_mellow5842 27 күн бұрын
yeah the speaker should have talked about it in more detail
@johns1139
@johns1139 Ай бұрын
Huey Lewis was right
@wassabied
@wassabied Ай бұрын
👏🏼
@justa_stranger_
@justa_stranger_ Ай бұрын
Not sure if I agree with what Louise is saying, but I love the other two!
@LouiseEnriconi
@LouiseEnriconi Ай бұрын
I definitely don’t. Polyamory has nothing to do with polygyny
@A861967
@A861967 28 күн бұрын
What if it’s not love , and it’s just a conditional response 😂
@chipdouglas2819
@chipdouglas2819 Ай бұрын
Do not trust betterhelp
@vagabondfeet
@vagabondfeet Ай бұрын
Could you elaborate
@kazihiseguy-fernand4637
@kazihiseguy-fernand4637 27 күн бұрын
@@elinope4745what is this about ?
@OdyneTalks
@OdyneTalks 26 күн бұрын
@@vagabondfeetcorporation collecting health data
@thecreaturescorner539
@thecreaturescorner539 20 күн бұрын
Why?
@augustbjeilkjr737
@augustbjeilkjr737 10 күн бұрын
13:45 wildly untrue that only males of high status had access to women slaves! It wasn’t frowned upon for women with high status to carry the children of their slaves as well.
@navineon4961
@navineon4961 Ай бұрын
Amazing video! Education truly worthy of modern days
@hakijin
@hakijin 13 күн бұрын
Fulfillment I will only find in large scale medieval warfare on a green grass field inside of gothic armor
@alg11297
@alg11297 Ай бұрын
I wish I could get a degree to spout platitudes like these speakers
@ricardoconqueso
@ricardoconqueso Ай бұрын
The first speaker had years of solid research that was backed up by scientific study and conclusions. If all you took away was platitudes, you missed the point. Doesnt sound like you actually care about education or learning.
@thetruther954
@thetruther954 8 күн бұрын
Ride the fear. Ask her to ask you. QED.
@prometheusrising13
@prometheusrising13 Ай бұрын
"Novelty, Novelty, Novelty"
@Portia620
@Portia620 4 күн бұрын
I would stay away from people that I’m extremely attracted to sexually and I’m referring to physically! if I’m physically attracted to somebody, I’m very reluctant to get involved with them. I usually look for inside beauty only and there’s a reason I stay away from outside. Beauty has to do with a trigger to trauma.
@spencer6683
@spencer6683 8 күн бұрын
Turn down the music please.
@bernardthefourth
@bernardthefourth Ай бұрын
Fuck I wish I was better looking so I can get what I want and be miserable in a relationship I initially really wanted.
@Dimitris_Balf
@Dimitris_Balf Ай бұрын
Then start working out, take care of your hygiene and dress better. You got this
@AliHussein30605
@AliHussein30605 6 күн бұрын
@lavatr8322
@lavatr8322 6 күн бұрын
Although i hope to meet my soulmate or have a relationship im currently focused on getting a job and on my mental & physical health but obviously back of the mind i dream of going to movies , beaches, or just cuddling nothing else, with that special EMPRESS _idk where the fock is she?_
@RobiulIslam-nj4fw
@RobiulIslam-nj4fw Ай бұрын
Pleasure of Youth ! 🎋❤️🎋
@Valdemore4
@Valdemore4 3 күн бұрын
came here for the How To`s, didn't find any XDDD
@rodrigocamacho8834
@rodrigocamacho8834 8 күн бұрын
"When you put the neutral and the romantic love on top of each other and cancel out what they have in common, you left on whats going in the brain when you madly in love, " She said. I don't have to be a scientist to know that this idea of encapsulating what romantic love is false. First, it seems too simplistic and idealistic to just deduct from a picture what the complex wiring is the brain doing for "love." I think Helen's idea of what is romantic love is is not complete, it is false to just depend and name love by looking at pictures and cancel each other and whatever left think that is love. It is too easy to be true, from history we have found that thing are way more complex than just simple thesis like Helen's.
@drradon
@drradon 27 күн бұрын
It’s so strange how so many topics and so many speakers can be presented so one dimensional. Mmmh.
@Sa1ntV1cious
@Sa1ntV1cious 29 күн бұрын
Ah yes, THE SEGGS
@borrico1965
@borrico1965 8 күн бұрын
Absolutely, sex has a biological function aimed at continuing the species. However, people tends to abuse the sexual faculty. People tends to use the faculty solely for the pleasure it gives. If that will be the case, the faculty is misused.
@7200darkcharm
@7200darkcharm 15 күн бұрын
Soon as I saw the chick with blue hair I checked out mentally
@namadekisufa
@namadekisufa Ай бұрын
terrible sound mix
@ricardoconqueso
@ricardoconqueso Ай бұрын
Only under-sexed people think the sound mix was bad
@vieiradelimafilho
@vieiradelimafilho 19 күн бұрын
It's striking the epistemological gaps between the 3 speakers, very telling of the different perspectives culture has assumed in each generation. The first lady sounds very much like a boomer, traditional but easy-going and open-minded, scientifically grounded and optimistic, if too positivistic. I applaud her neurological expertise, but she won't go deep enough if she thinks the brain is what it all boils down to. The brain is but an amazing tool, a wonderful mechanism, a means to an end. The last lady, a GenZer I suppose, sounds like a flamboyant Instagram influencer to me. So mechanistic, schematic, it feels as though she thinks people should manipulate one another with therapytalk for commodifying bodies into sex toys to serve our pleasure for as long as it's worthwhile, idolizing the power of "rationality" (most often, a disguise to manipulation). A shallow pedantic narcissistic faker, or a postmodern psychologist, and a quintessential citizen of the clown world we've built in the West. To me Louise Perry has the ultimate realistic, grounded perspective that rises high above scientism, marketing and ego catering to frankly address human nature and the facts of history. It'd be wise to seek more of her brilliance. There's no healthy sexuality without connection through meaning; human connection is basically a spiritual endeavour. You should feel like you are sharing a common story in which the moment just drags each other closer. Animal magnetism. Sex starts with the gaze and the build-up of tension that comes with honest exchange. Like happiness is an epiphenomenon, sex should be just the cherry on top of a meaningful encounter. A celebration of life and happenstance, ideally consummating and deepening a proper relationship. The moment just happens when you can't help but bond, feeling like a child that's curious and willing to play. Not necessarily because you have found the "right person", but that you both were lucky enough to have met someone you're able to trust, and feel vulnerably and adventurously naked with, caring for and deserving of each other, so you can surrender and leap together into the unknown with true engagement and compassion. Or just someone to have fun and joy with, fully immersed in the moment, not escaping from yourself with the latest drug. Pleasure is not the goal but a bonus, a collateral effect. It's not about mind and thoughts but spirit and movement. Like the poetry of rivers merging, an intuitive erasure of edges and selves, a melting unceremoniously and unpretentiously into one ecstatic dancer that flows seamlessly in-between. Tantra? It's way more an art, or ritual, than a "science of pleasure and mating". Kudos to Louise.
@703390
@703390 13 күн бұрын
Great way to put it.!
@gborsonello
@gborsonello 8 күн бұрын
Best comment EVER, thanks!
@Schweizer_Politik
@Schweizer_Politik Ай бұрын
Brother is usinf the term "mate" im sure they never touched a women
@LouiseEnriconi
@LouiseEnriconi Ай бұрын
Using examples of polygyny to explain why polyamory wouldn’t be a good idea seems strange, to say the very least. Polygyny has nothing (or very little) to do with polyamory as it’s being discussed nowadays in progressist groups.
@monsieuralex974
@monsieuralex974 Ай бұрын
"Maximize sex & love" ok.. "How to date, mate, and..." Hmph... This is a very nice topic. I would give a damn if I wasn't the lonely ass I am... See you on the next video BigThink (click Next)
@clairelinden9786
@clairelinden9786 20 сағат бұрын
Sounds like everyone in the comment section needs a little love in their lives..
@teacake6941
@teacake6941 26 күн бұрын
If they don't bring up how much resources you need to have in the western world to be comfortable in a relationship then they are missing a big chunk of what makes a relationship successful at beginning, the middle and the end because most relationships change and they may not be romantic but that can be an AWESOME friend!
@joelharris4399
@joelharris4399 Ай бұрын
Most guys, particularly those who self-identify as MGTOW have already bailed out of the dating market.
@VoteBidentoSaveDemocracy
@VoteBidentoSaveDemocracy Ай бұрын
More for me!
@Dimitris_Balf
@Dimitris_Balf Ай бұрын
These guys are merely closeted asexuals.
@jurassicthunder
@jurassicthunder Ай бұрын
​@@VoteBidentoSaveDemocracy you wish 😂 if you're average looking, you ain't getting any. except when they are looking to SETTLE down. 💰
@joelharris4399
@joelharris4399 Ай бұрын
@@jurassicthunder 🤑🤑 money talks and money walks
@jurassicthunder
@jurassicthunder Ай бұрын
​@@Dimitris_Balfoh yeah classic "if you don't like me then you're gay" 😂 you just can't bear the idea that men might not be interested in you for your character.
@atomafotos
@atomafotos 13 күн бұрын
@BerlinaDice
@BerlinaDice Ай бұрын
Just to clarify: you don't kill for love...that's not love
@julesoul
@julesoul Ай бұрын
I feel like you can kill FOR love, but not out of love.
@GGFarofa
@GGFarofa Ай бұрын
I think it's a situation in which your partner is in danger, and you actually kill the threat to protect them. These so called "crimes of passion" do not represent love. It's jealousy and control, not love.
@samaraisnt
@samaraisnt 23 күн бұрын
So you wouldnt kill someone who was trying to murder your mom? Can’t relate…
@juniorphiri2561
@juniorphiri2561 Ай бұрын
Louise Perry is one of the sexiest people I've ever seen.
@mateusantoni136
@mateusantoni136 Ай бұрын
* sexist
@archieese9176
@archieese9176 8 күн бұрын
Not me trying to learn about sex and dating from a blue hair girl 😐✨
@MrVisionDPB
@MrVisionDPB Ай бұрын
Honey
@tharakabasuru
@tharakabasuru 29 күн бұрын
Don't confuse romance and Noble Love ❤️‍🔥🗿🦅
@nias3202
@nias3202 28 күн бұрын
Don't know why, but this video makes me a little sad. So much advice, huge dating business, money spent in vain, addiction, reproduction, Darwin, chemical brain reactions...
@Namuchat
@Namuchat 28 күн бұрын
„Brain system“ sounds odd given the fact that brains are the most malleable organs of animal life.
@jaythefox
@jaythefox 28 күн бұрын
Fear not hombres - the AI girlfriends are coming soon!
@NuntiusLegis
@NuntiusLegis 24 күн бұрын
As soon as it comes to adult content, AI says no.
@supremekakarot
@supremekakarot 26 күн бұрын
Has anyone looked into the way Islam conveys marriage?
@rmmr1168
@rmmr1168 24 күн бұрын
What makes you ask this question?
@supremekakarot
@supremekakarot 24 күн бұрын
@@rmmr1168 Because it’s almost like Islam has the solutions to these issues 😀
@KhalCrochet
@KhalCrochet Ай бұрын
Sex doesn't last that long and it takes for ever to get in the mood for it, either I have low T or I'm just a simple man cuz all I want is to share food with someone and cuddle, I'm pretty much satisfied after that and our clothes wouldn't even have to come off 😂
@AceKite00
@AceKite00 Ай бұрын
I know all this. I know who i am, what I'm capable of, what I want, what I'm willing to do, and what i refuse to do. Flirting and approaching is easy enough. But guess what my problem is?... I GOT NO FU**ING MONEY! C'mon, how many relationships have you seen fail due to money? That means any relationship i enter won't be sustainable long term until i fix this. I mean unless someone can prove to me otherwise.
@goldenwolf90
@goldenwolf90 Ай бұрын
Then you actually don’t have the means to connect intimately, or you feel as if you may not be entirely deserving of it, because of the added stress of financial security. Like Louise mentioned the offs also need to be turned off, couple that with possible trauma, and you’re likely less in-tuned than you think you are. Ultimately, you’re still deserving of a loving and sexually fulfilling connection regardless of your financial status.
@Dimitris_Balf
@Dimitris_Balf Ай бұрын
Then get a job 🤷‍♂️
@sunbather616
@sunbather616 Ай бұрын
Money is a construct and it's something the western world has trapped you with. If you already possess the self-awareness of your situation, it would be best for you to attempt to connect with someone sharing your same situation. If you're lucky enough to find someone to share goals with you, then perhaps coupling together and working towards that common goal will help. The problem with western society is that both genders have an expectation when it comes dating and we don't have the self awareness to see that we are all a work in progress.
@ricardoconqueso
@ricardoconqueso Ай бұрын
If you have a good enough personality, you don't need money dude. Even if youre wealthy, most women, if they figure out that youre not much more than just money and have nothing else to offer, will leave. If you can offer something that can't be bought at a store, youre golden
@jurassicthunder
@jurassicthunder Ай бұрын
​@@goldenwolf90cap. women still wouldn't date someone long term if he has no money or is not willing to make it in the future.
@achmed_real
@achmed_real Ай бұрын
I think in Islam more than complete and spesific how to learn all of think, you must try to reading Holy Qur'an to found the answer.😊
@__cypher__
@__cypher__ 18 күн бұрын
Big think. Nope. This episode feels more like ... Little Willie think
@meaganvogel5436
@meaganvogel5436 29 күн бұрын
The argument against polyamory didn’t make sense. She was equating a sexist form of polygamy (men exploiting and abusing women as they liked) with modern polyamory. But they are very different things. First is that women are now allowed to have multiple relationships without persecution. We do not need christianization to have morals and justice within our relationships. But we do need to keep moving forward. It cannot be like it was in the past. Women and nonbinary folks will and must enjoy the same freedoms as men. And that can include relationship structures outside of restrictive and gender-roled monogamy.
@jmipraimundo
@jmipraimundo 27 күн бұрын
Go for it....❤
@Dimitris_Balf
@Dimitris_Balf Ай бұрын
Brace yourselves, incels and virgins are going to ruin this comment section
@jurassicthunder
@jurassicthunder Ай бұрын
hoes mad.
@Dimitris_Balf
@Dimitris_Balf Ай бұрын
@jurassicthunder it's just an observation my dude. Peace ✌️
@talkingtochapri
@talkingtochapri Ай бұрын
They have already ruined it 😅
@VoteBidentoSaveDemocracy
@VoteBidentoSaveDemocracy Ай бұрын
A little late to be making this comment. But you tried.
@ominousbiscuit
@ominousbiscuit Ай бұрын
Nice, dehumanize the suffering. I bet you torture animals.
@ricardocorral6701
@ricardocorral6701 26 күн бұрын
I used to like Big thinks videos a lot but this one sort of opened up the door to see that there’s a very institutionalized and traditional perspective to them. It amazed me how they picked female experts to support the idea of a “biological” and “sociological” superiority of monogamy not only using papers and experiments that are over 40 years old but trying to expand the xenophobia against groups of people that choose to live in non traditional ways of relationships, justifying them as more “violent” and aggressive to children???? I see so much judeo-christian bio politics being used here that it makes me sad.
@alexfletcher5192
@alexfletcher5192 Ай бұрын
So, let me get this straight: the America of the 'real man' and the 'real woman' needs help on this? Okay. What happened before you knew what to do? Oh yes, you didn't. Possibly time to stop aiming for awards and just get with someone on your wavelength. I am frankly astounded that I need to say it....
@Dimitris_Balf
@Dimitris_Balf Ай бұрын
Who told you they didn't need advice back then?
@princessdaphne444
@princessdaphne444 Ай бұрын
wow!!! a wave of unhealed, traumatized, chauvinistic men in this comment section. its genuinely so sad. its not natural for men to find joy in degrading women & vice versa! i pray for collective healing :/ ❤️‍🩹
@jurassicthunder
@jurassicthunder Ай бұрын
I don't like you: you're toxic and you need healing I like you: you are good. you're just a narcissist who can't win arguments.
@princessdaphne444
@princessdaphne444 Ай бұрын
@@jurassicthunder how did you manage to get this from my comment? are you off your meds?😅
@jurassicthunder
@jurassicthunder Ай бұрын
​@@princessdaphne444I'm young, fit, and very healthy thank you very much.
@salty3069
@salty3069 Ай бұрын
​@@princessdaphne444 princess daphne lol ok
@Dimitris_Balf
@Dimitris_Balf Ай бұрын
​@jurassicthunder No you are not.
@elenaburge8801
@elenaburge8801 26 күн бұрын
I really do not like the implication that polygamy and polyamory are synonymous. it feels similar to criticizing monogamy because of the marriage expectations historically placed on women. polygamy reflects certain very niche groups of nonmonogamists, but many polyamorous people exist in relationships that do not revolve around possession and hierarchy that way polygamy does, often existing outside of the standards and dynamics of step parenting in the traditional sense.
@godfreycarmichael
@godfreycarmichael 27 күн бұрын
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex!!!! Everybody wants to talk about how much you should be having or how much is too much or how certain kinds are wrong. Jeez, obsessed much?
@jmipraimundo
@jmipraimundo 27 күн бұрын
No but men think about this every minute and you live in their society...so if what they want will be done...as a man I would prefer a different society of love, peace and unity a Matriarch❤
@LostInTheSauce666
@LostInTheSauce666 Ай бұрын
Remember boys, she don't wanna be saved
@ricardoconqueso
@ricardoconqueso Ай бұрын
Nah. My wife of 20 years said "After years, I found my person, my safety from my old life". Everyone wants to "come home". Youre just not that person to anyone...
@jmipraimundo
@jmipraimundo 27 күн бұрын
She says that now many women in their 60s are asking for divorce...one was the perfect partner to be a father but now she want to experience new adventures...and OK you are happy but you are part of the 1% the world changes relationships can change also..because loyalty is not very common in humans since almost 70% of them cheated 😮
@linli6012
@linli6012 29 күн бұрын
I DON'T AGREE WITH THE SECOND promiscuous woman.
@jmipraimundo
@jmipraimundo 27 күн бұрын
Of course not....but you are a men who had a slave woman who satisfy you.. I have a lot of live for more...and They are so happy....dont be restrain to a so religion ideia....love all ❤
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