Harvard Psychologist Shows You How to Make Your Negative Thoughts Serve You

Harvard Psychologist Shows You How to Make Your Negative Thoughts Serve You | Susan David

Рет қаралды 280,441

Күн бұрын

We live in a culture that tells us that some emotions are bad. Unfortunately, these same “bad” emotions are unavoidable for anyone aiming to live a meaningful life. As a result, many of us spend much of our lives in conflict with our own emotions, stuck in self-narratives that no longer serve us. Thankfully, on this episode of Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu, Harvard Psychologist Susan David shows us a way out of this self-destructive internal conflict.
She explains how to use your “negative” emotions to connect with your core values (which you can learn more about by taking this quiz here: quiz.susandavid.com/s3/eai ). She also discusses the dangers of focusing on being right, the power of self-compassion and importance of emotional agility.
SHOW NOTES:
Emotions are data but they are not directives [1:33]
How we approach our thoughts, emotions and stories determines our quality of life [3:48]
What do you do when you realize the stories you tell yourself no longer serve you? [6:26]
Our culture tells us some emotions are bad, so we get in conflict with our emotions [11:50]
Only dead people never feel stress, anger, agitation or fear [14:15]
How do you uncover what your emotions are really trying to tell you? [17:35]
Technology has outstripped our ability to thrive [20:32]
Susan explains how to understand your emotions in a more specific way [22:53]
Our minds can convince us that we are right, even if it destroys our relationships [28:04]
Susan describes the process of recognizing our emotions and stories for what they are [31:39]
Even if the gods tell you that you’re right, you still have to decide who you want to be [33:46]
Being seen and belonging are core human needs [36:35]
Tom and Susan discuss the “tyranny of positivity” [38:30]
Success is living a life concordant with your values [41:43]
Susan shares the impact she wants to have on the world [47:08]
QUOTES:
“Some of our stories were written on mental chalkboards at age 3.” [5:53]
“Our thoughts, our emotions and our stories aren’t good or bad. They just are.” [10:53]
“Discomfort is the price of ambition to a meaningful life.” [14:43]
FOLLOW:
WEBSITE: susandavid.com
INSTAGRAM: bit.ly/3eyCLaP
FACEBOOK: bit.ly/2ZMoP9d
TWITTER: bit.ly/2XdezFp

Пікірлер: 301

@brandonlee8312 3 жыл бұрын

"Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life." That one hit hard!

@cocoweepah 3 жыл бұрын

Funny - when I buy an admission ticket I never find myself thinking ; “Oh, I hope this hurts. Will you help me ?” LoL

@Mat-mz7kk 3 жыл бұрын

@@cocoweepah You don't buy an admission ticket to a meaningful life. You earn one through discomfort.

@Mat-mz7kk 3 жыл бұрын

I was going to use that in a comment. Before anyone else. I failed.

@shalisealphonse3362 3 жыл бұрын

💯

@djswanson36 3 жыл бұрын

❤

@guitarsz 3 жыл бұрын

I love that TB doesn’t let a thing go by that either he doesn’t understand or that he wants the audience understand by saying “wait what do you mean by that?” That’s such a productive habit. It’s mine now. Thanks Tom!

@toestemp 3 жыл бұрын

I totally agree, brooklyn. Just one of several reasons Tom is such an extraordinary interviewer. Another is that he always seems to have read everything his interviewee has written!

@Jana-ne6km 3 жыл бұрын

"Gentle acceptance" is the answer to the question: how do I make my negative thoughts serve me. Observe your thoughts, feel them with compassion and curiosity, and then act in a way that makes you become more true to your values. Thank you for your advice.

@MisterPol 3 жыл бұрын

Whatever you are going through, remember this: the past is the past. Focus on what you need to achieve today!!

@MisterPol 3 жыл бұрын

and btw Tom you inspired me to start a self-development channel during this pandemic!!

@ryanackert1536 3 жыл бұрын

Is that from the talk? I won't be able to watch it until after work

@TheKeishana 3 жыл бұрын

Gosh with all the things going on now,I see may of us losing it mentally spritualy ECT but hey this is all life.

@marwanistaitie4687 3 жыл бұрын

111A

@attifarkas 3 жыл бұрын

"Our emotions contain information that is important to us." So important to listen to advice like yours today. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and helping people cope, grow, and understand more. Cheers from Canada.

@anonymousdude1232 3 жыл бұрын

I'm watching this and tears and coming into my eyes because Susan David gave me hope on a very hard day. I'm dealing with this tremendously trying relationship. What she said about bothness and how react to being right really spoke to me. It made crystal clear sense to me, touched my heart and gave me hope. Thank you Tom & Susan.

@natalieb3475 3 жыл бұрын

Emotions are data but not directives. I love this.

@debbiesmith2908 3 жыл бұрын

I absolutely loved this interview. I believe it is so important to acknowledge how we feel without getting stuck in them and becoming paralyzed by them. Acknowledging our feelings gives us tremendous insight and allows us to take the actions we need to change our lives. Powerful interview. Thanks Tom and Susan!

@QuestionEverythingButWHY 3 жыл бұрын

"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will." -- Suzy Kassem

@richardhowe4140 3 жыл бұрын

"talk is talk but owing me money is really bad". Tuco,, Breaking Bad 🤔😁 😎

@cocoweepah 3 жыл бұрын

Still, I prefer to not seek failure. Doubts can be the fuses for improperly wired circuits and, thus, prevent a lot of mistakes, tragedy or self-trauma.

@Q_QQ_Q 3 жыл бұрын

@@richardhowe4140 tight tight tight

@richardhowe4140 3 жыл бұрын

@@Q_QQ_Q 👍💀👌💀🌟🍺🍻🍻🎆🎆💰💰💉💉⚛️☠️☁️🃏🔫🕶️💲💲😎😎🤔😂😀😁🤗

@richardhowe4140 3 жыл бұрын

"No doubt about that"--Richard Howe 🤔😎😂🤗

@Lia-hd7rh 3 жыл бұрын

"discomfort is a price of admission to a meaningful life" I'm here for this.

@JuanGarcia-tb7ph 3 жыл бұрын

Yesss that was so good!

@VS20158 3 жыл бұрын

Love it: “these goals are dead people’s goals.”

@reneejoy5153 3 жыл бұрын

I've been a HUGE fan for a couple of years now... and this particular cast truly hits the mark of my life frustrations. Every question you raised Tom was what I needed answered to unravel the lifelong construct I'd been sabotaging my future with. Thank you with all my essence for bringing us the material you present to better our lives xx

@whisperstv2888 3 жыл бұрын

I cannot thank you enough for this channel and all the amazing life changing information you’ve made accessible . And this guest is amazing too, THANK YOU BOTH

@tommycharles4666 3 жыл бұрын

This is probably the highest value video I've seen on KZfaq. Thanks a lot, both to Dr. Susan David and to Tom Bilyeu for bringing this to us.

@Essenium1 3 жыл бұрын

it felt that way to me

@claudiakarlsson5398 2 жыл бұрын

I do agree

@anishamm685 3 жыл бұрын

"Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life"

@MrRababsk 3 жыл бұрын

We have

@ness3700 3 жыл бұрын

Yes. In other words, tolerate the discomfort for growth 😌

@bestlook431 3 жыл бұрын

@@ness3700 or "Embrace the discomfort to get your worth"

@nikkimousiex1931 3 жыл бұрын

Truth

@ariane1781 3 жыл бұрын

Sounds like JP

@MsLinda165 3 жыл бұрын

Susan is someone I've never heard of before, and she makes the most sense of how I can turn my life around, and feel empowered by the cornucopia of emotions I feel, rather than victimized. Anyone else have a serious issue about managing expectations to minimize risking feeling emotions?

@q4amazing955 3 жыл бұрын

Having the confidence that I will be there for myself! This is profound!!!

@QuestionEverythingButWHY 3 жыл бұрын

“If you really want to escape the things that harass you, what you’re needing is not to be in a different place but to be a different person.” ― Seneca

@SAM-ft8xd 3 жыл бұрын

Keep going

@TheListener01 3 жыл бұрын

Dr Joe Dispenza- your personality creates your your personal reality.

@TalcomoelSol 3 жыл бұрын

And that was a SAGE.

@WitnWisdom64 3 жыл бұрын

Mickey Williams love dr joe!

@fionatsang9353 3 жыл бұрын

@@jeromeflocard3138 sometimes the things that you try to leave behind can follow you; they can cling to your mind, hijack your psyche, lay siege on your sanity, and no distance is enough to get away from them, because you unwillingly carry them with you. You can never be sure what trauma from your past might be the following kind; so it is wise to prepare your mind to deal with the invader before it arrives - better that than wait for it and then exhaust yourself running, when the thing you are trying to run from is a part of yourself that you can't help carrying with you, that is impossible to leave behind via conventional - and literal - means.

@taoist32 3 жыл бұрын

Topics like this always fascinates me. We can see emotions from different perspectives. Some see emotions as energetic waves or impulses, some see emotions as past conditioning to be rewritten, some see emotions as just a natural extension of our spirit. So many ways to deal with emotions too. Mindfulness, hypnosis, meditation, zazen, prayer, etc.

@jackieosborne927 3 жыл бұрын

So good. Her articulation of the subject and getting her point across in a tactical way is fantastic. How we apply to all aspects of our life is key. Thx Tom for another great working on life sesh.

@christinebarker8975 3 жыл бұрын

Got tremendous value from this! Courage is fear walking. 50:48. Thank you.

@richardhowe4140 3 жыл бұрын

Everytime I listen to a psychologist or a psychiatrist for a few minutes it makes me realize how sane I really am compared to them and most of the other people I knew when I lived in America.. this America today is not the America I grew up in and the one I learned to love.. I moved to the Philippines five years ago to live out my retirement in a paradise on Earth..the country is full of poor people but they are extremely happy to be in such sad conditions..they never get in a hurry and seem to always enjoy each other's company..when you smile at them they always smile back and do not look at you like you are crazy.. I have learned you become what you are by the people you surround yourself with, so do the math for yourself..it is also extremely relaxing knowing that I can live here very very well on $1,500 a month for me and my Filipino girlfriend.. this is an unbelievable place to live and I hope the word does not get out because people will be flocking over here especially the older lonely American men and the younger ones also because Filipino women make the best wives in the world..i do not even have to say how beautiful they are because you can see for yourself..when I got off of the plane at the airport I thought I had walked into the middle of a beauty contest..after I die here in the Philippines I will just imagine that the corner is going to have a hard time getting the smile off my face.. I really doubt that he ever will..hehe..😀😀🍺🍻🤗🇺🇸😁😁👍😎😂😂

@TheKeishana 3 жыл бұрын

While not all humans are bad,there is extremely evil perverted souls out there, roaming this place seeking to find it's prey.

@cocoweepah 3 жыл бұрын

ase cisneros Yep. Global eugenicist for example

@wadewalenskii5799 3 жыл бұрын

SO glad I watched till the end, her answer to 'what impact . . . ' brilliant

@UncompressedWAVmusic 3 жыл бұрын

I'm super impressed with Susan David. This is the first I heard of her and I gained a lot from this interview and loved how brilliant and caring and helpful she is and her final summary in this talk. I will definetly check out her Ted Talk. I learnt a lot from this talk and that is a compliment as I've been studying self-improvement for 48 years and have 2,000 books and taken 2 dozen super advanced seminars including being a volunteer teacher of the most advanced meditation in history for 9 years. Thanks Tom for this talk.

@zzzing23 3 жыл бұрын

I’ve struggled on and off with negative emotions my whole life. This interview really hit me hard and is very profound for me. I’ve had on and off psychologists /psychiatrists a lot of my adult life and I feel like I understood more with this woman than any other psychologist I’ve ever been to. I only wish that this woman could help me more. I’m in a better place now than where I used to be but I am still struggling but this video is extremely helpful.

@doroteoalvarez8596 3 жыл бұрын

Wow started reading The Four Agreements a few days ago, and now hearing this interview, is really helping out really appreciate all that impact theory is doing for us!!

@bestlook431 3 жыл бұрын

"Nothing is neither good or bad but thinking makes it so "Shakespeare .😊

@jesselenzrokobauer7042 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for loading this up. I’m going through difficult emotions right now and this really helps a lot for coping them.

@yeshkas 3 жыл бұрын

This is really transformational. Real game changer when it comes to emotions. Thank you so much!! 🤗🙏🏻 😊❤️

@jordangartner612 3 жыл бұрын

Amazing! This is has been my favorite "Impact Theory" thus far. Amazing observations and explanations from Susan. Thanks so much!

@motiask 3 жыл бұрын

Tim, I saw you and David Goggins video again and it has always reminded me to do the right thing. Always struck a cord when I watched. A constant reminder. Now more than ever .

@smilingblissgoddess 3 жыл бұрын

Excellent interview and discussion with Dr Susan David Tom, some real nuggets of wisdom in that conversation thank you !

@11nica5 3 жыл бұрын

The last four minutes was absolutely powerful. “Courage is not absent of fear”. Well said

@dianam9662 3 жыл бұрын

There is another similar saying that I like a lot: "to be brave doesn't mean not to be afraid. It means to do what you have decided even when you are scared".

@QuestionEverythingButWHY 3 жыл бұрын

“Always take the high road, it’s far less crowded.” --Charlie Munger

@nazadam3648 3 жыл бұрын

I LOVE every episode you are making. Thank you for this.

@YAHUAH_merem_ebele 3 жыл бұрын

One day, while analyzing my feelings, I came to the conclusion that my emotions where like indicator or bleeper lights. Whenever they come on, that's a signal that a core value has been triggered or satisfied. Wow! Wow! Wow. This is so encouraging to me, she explains things I started learning and realizing on my own about handling my emotions. I never realized that these things were the actual steps of what we need to do, I just realized that I have become more content, more happy, and I work better with myself. Ps: That south African accent 😍 proud moment.

@11dagit 2 жыл бұрын

What a brilliant conversation! I've listened it like 10 times, this woman is amazing. Invite her again!

@bitarezaee6152 3 жыл бұрын

Loved this interview so much. It would be lovely if you could have some interviews about raising children or their psychology

@nayyer8350 3 жыл бұрын

Tom, best episode ever!!! So happy to have found your channel.

@nayyer8350 3 жыл бұрын

This and the one with Dr Kaifu Lee are my favorites.

@roijenrodriguez8188 3 жыл бұрын

I appreciate people like you and Rangan Chatterjee, among others, that bring people like me quality info from the top people in their fields... Keep being legendary!

@joanowens7941 3 жыл бұрын

Susan David is wonderful! thank you!

@davidlubbesmeyer8117 3 жыл бұрын

One of my spiritual teachers Pema Chodron wrote a book called “don’t bite the hook”. It would be a joy to hear the two of them speak together

@HannahBrockleyOfficial 3 жыл бұрын

Love these Tom! Thank you so much. It keeps me inspired :) Much love xx

@josephjuniorvalere3649 3 жыл бұрын

I’m glad Tom didn’t interrupt the professor too much. Great interview!!!👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿🎤🎤🎤

@josephjuniorvalere3649 3 жыл бұрын

Bob Wilson yeah, but too many interruptions are not good for the interview.

@margo5919 Жыл бұрын

Impact Theory makes the world a better place. Thank you for bringing us this real yet hopeful wisdom. It does make an impact.

@UncompressedWAVmusic 3 жыл бұрын

Only 5 minutes into this talk and Susan has already made a powerful statement on "our thoughts, our emotions and our stories this drives everything". I've studied Abraham Hicks Law of Attraction and they advise to feel good in the 4 components of the Law of Allowing: your thoughts, emotions, vibrational balance and the stories that you tell". That way you are allowing yourself to be on your path of well-being and being guided by Source/God/your Inner Being, towards your desires.

@jaxx-inspiregrowcreate2862 3 жыл бұрын

"Adversity tears away everything but what can not be torn. So that we can see ourselves as we truly are."

@UnconditionalLoveChrist 2 жыл бұрын

Wow thank you Tom for the great talk and for bringing her on.

@BusyDadGaming 3 жыл бұрын

Negative thoughts can be used as a habit loop trigger and that's what has helped me the most. It's a signal for me to take action on something.

@madhurichakraborty1254 3 жыл бұрын

We hook on extrinsic factors to boost and gain moment but actually intrinsic features help us to deal and move forward. Thanks for this valuable conversation.

@atide_and1175 3 жыл бұрын

This is my second favorite after the one with Dr. Joe Dispenza! Wow and genuinely thank you to both. So so so much practical advise and Tom asking exactly the questions I was having. So much love, gratefulness and respect 💛💛

@hamsaj5969 3 жыл бұрын

Mind opening understanding about emotions and made me feel so blessed for being born as an emotional being!💛

@1iborla 3 жыл бұрын

❤️Sowubona❤️... Love her work & love your work Tom. Thank you🙏

@MX-CO 3 жыл бұрын

Love your Show Tom, this episode and all of them!

@pn5954 3 жыл бұрын

"The beauty of life is interwoven with its fragility"

@garethellison01 3 жыл бұрын

Immense value from start to finish! Thank you guys. 🙏

@lilamnbdh967 3 жыл бұрын

Wow this conversation is so amazing/motivational ❤️!! Thank you so much for sharing Tom!!

@SweetDogg777 3 жыл бұрын

WOW, She is from South Africa. truly motivational

@lilamnbdh967 3 жыл бұрын

Hi Tom thank you for sharing this amazing interview , was really interesting !! You’re the best!! Wish you a blessed day!!

@youkasiia 3 жыл бұрын

tom i AM GLAD TO SEE U AGAIN. bEST WISHES TO U AND lisa !!!! thank u BOTH for everything

@nazilahussein9605 2 жыл бұрын

I really enjoyed this video and all the meaningful things that were spoken about. Thank you so much

@qtip7503 3 жыл бұрын

I needed this. Thanks Tom

@jessieclouds 3 жыл бұрын

This was so beautiful and made me feel good 💛

@syedasamiaofficial3498 3 жыл бұрын

These teachings are going to bring so much positive change in our lives and I will also achieve my dream of becoming a life coach and contributing in people's life.

@richardhowe4140 3 жыл бұрын

We people are a product of our environment. And that means you also 🤔😁🤗

@JnTmarie 3 жыл бұрын

What a beautiful positive interview. Her voice is high and always goes up at the end of every sentence. I tried it and within an hour my husband told me to stop. Lol.

@n.d8001 2 жыл бұрын

this is gold. thank you for sharing this knowledge

@ifeomagilyard7897 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you to you and your team for this interview!

@ronromeo9914 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for your priceless knowledge.

@fenmengzhu7766 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you. Very powerful!

@chriswarmbold6909 2 жыл бұрын

I love this, it's about the internal...How do you value all your emotions...Bring the Truth Suzie! THank you Tom:)

@h.a.s.42 3 жыл бұрын

This should be heard by every person. This is what I think a good start into living a self-reflective life that helps to decode all the projections we carry and unconsciously put on others. The world would be a better place if this was taught at schools

@Jyeah89 3 жыл бұрын

yeah I thought a self-reflective and self-contemplative life was boring at first, but then I realized maybe that's where freedom and joy is, if I persist along the path.

@smartstrength1138 3 жыл бұрын

Amazing, definitely made an impact with me today.👍🏾💪🏾

@alexanderberhane436 3 жыл бұрын

I really enjoyed this interview!

@gabrielgitman9707 3 жыл бұрын

Tom thanks for being a genuine one

@megarasummers6278 3 жыл бұрын

I love this woman. Buying her book NOW. Amazing intervew

@BrantK147 3 жыл бұрын

Amazing conversation. Thank you both!!!!

@flybabyskybaby 3 жыл бұрын

Amazing! Good job Tom, I Love the way you interview

@laughlovelivepodcast4375 3 жыл бұрын

Would love to hear her in conversation with joe di spenza ... her appreciation of the “negative” versus his view it is wiring from the past etc

@GulnaraGirl 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Tom, for choosing great guests! I wish you’d invite Esther Perel, I’m sure everybody will loooove it!!! 😊

@joybeans10 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you, Professor David.

@swathirajeshwaran6900 3 жыл бұрын

This was such a beautiful talk, I learnt sooo mych

@norfe22 3 жыл бұрын

Great interview guys...Thank u!

@mgmovassaghi1733 3 жыл бұрын

Wonderful speaker and wonderful interviewer I appreciate that and many blessings

@priyaaditya309 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for such a useful and profound conversation.🙏

@Leontevs 3 жыл бұрын

Fantastic! Thanks greatly!

@maggiemondo7459 3 жыл бұрын

Very interesting and enjoyable interview with a different take on 'controlling the mind'. Stimulating conversation and certainly thought provoking!

@giancarlodulanto2668 3 жыл бұрын

I loved this interview and completely agree! However their own things we bring to our environment which cause a ton of stress being kids, pets, and anything that pulls you to higher responsibilities!

@valvrj 3 жыл бұрын

This video came right on time. I've been through a lot of adversity since Covid-19 pandemic started. I am now trying to reinvent myself and shift towards a more positive mindset but I keep getting my back hit against the wall.

@hgzmatt 3 жыл бұрын

Same here.. tough times. But if we make it through this nothing can stop us :P

@tugcegoksuutecht3273 3 жыл бұрын

I wish that she answered the brilliant question of Tom’s (7:30ish min). She either choosed to dodge it or did not fully grasp the question which is sad because as she is coming into this with so much credentials as an expert I was very interested in her perspective. Tom is again killing it with his follow ups.

@gregoryxyz4812 3 жыл бұрын

I'm with you. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse which causes deep ingrained trauma. I was keen to hear her response to the question 'how do we get past early programming' - valid given the subject of 'early narrative' came up. Before her answer I watched her waiting to respond (her lips were moving whilst supposedly listening) and then she trotted out waffle. Her book is useful, refreshingly simple and directive rather than offering a typical 'balanced' psychotherapist response which are often frightened, ie 'ass covering', leaving the reader with no clear path. But I think she has found a simple hook which is about 'unhooking', ie observing emotions, which is recycling stuff from the east from way back, and is expanding on that to the point of making it thin. There's a strong element of 'cashing in' and self promotion at work here and the fact that she could not confront the truly vexing question of nature vs nurture uncovered her. A little bit smoke and mirrors I suspect. I kind of feel like she is addressing me like she would a nine year old. But, to be fair in balance, her advice is good. She plays one tune on one instrument very well.