Healthy Relationships After Abuse? | Narcissistic Abuse Expert Answers

Рет қаралды 36,655

Күн бұрын

Is it possible to love and have a healthy relationship after C-PTSD and adverse environments?
By the end of this video, you'll have a simpler understanding of what questions you should be asking yourself after abuse. So; hopefully you enter into your next relationship with more clarity, peace and understanding.
Grab a cup of tea, this is a long video 😁
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Timestamps:
00:00 | Intro
00:43 | The Question
01:13 | Thank you for watching
01:30 | All on our terms?
04:22 | Living in a house with an Adult for decades
05:36 | Get Realistic and Specific
06:10 | Successful relationships are routines
06:40 | You have to compromise
07:30 | The Philosophy that works
08:10 | You are not a Child Anymore
09:35 | We need to have adult conversations
21:34 | Boundaries
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTHCARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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#SOCIOPATHY #Abuse #RichardGrannon

Пікірлер: 424

@saracowherd3539 Жыл бұрын

I can’t even put into words what all that you have shared over the years has meant to me in my life. You are a rare voice of wisdom in a cesspool of ridiculousness.

@king-qo8fi Жыл бұрын

well said !

@RICHARDGRANNON Жыл бұрын

Hi Sara, Thanks for watching and for your kind words! 😎

@RichRobinson 4 ай бұрын

Well said.

@Mrbimdrummer Жыл бұрын

I am living proof it is absolutely possible. Over 50 years of a overtly narcissistic mother and sister and 3 and half years of the most terrible narcissist relationship that included physical abuse God sent me an angel but I had to be honest with myself about how it affected me and heal from it and it takes years and isn't easy but it is absolutely possible. Been together 16 years now and life is awesome. Richard was the icing on the cake to make sense of it all but yes it's absolutely possible.

@iconc1402 Жыл бұрын

Your comment gives me hope. Thankyou.

@Slo987 Жыл бұрын

Congrats!

@RICHARDGRANNON Жыл бұрын

That's wonderful news, Thanks for watching and for sharing your experience! 😎

@karishort1891 Жыл бұрын

Your message gives me hope 🙏🙏🙏

@natashadelange4244 Жыл бұрын

I absolutely love this guy... Everything he says is just a eye-opener. I prefer to be single after an narcissistic relationship.

@katiev.5059 Жыл бұрын

Same. Amen sister

@kamilahtroup9842 Жыл бұрын

I don't even want to date or talk to another person, ever since the situation I had ended, though I've technically been single over 2 years now. Maybe that will change in a few years but, for now, I just want to be more mentally stable, work towards my career, and integrate my shadow. I ordered a shadow integration journal yesterday so I loved that you brought that up. Another amazing and helpful video. Thank you!

@romanastrasheim5226 Жыл бұрын

I am so laughing now! 😂Thank you!! I am married 44 years to the same man. It is possible. Even if one or both were abused. Possible. But with Grace, possible. Hard work. Service. Yes.

@bah667 Жыл бұрын

well done!

@romanastrasheim5226 Жыл бұрын

@@bah667 Thank you 🙏. ..😄It really is Gods Grace ...😄

@imalwaysme4332 Жыл бұрын

👏👏👏 very happy for you 😊❤️

@susanlittlesthobo6422 Жыл бұрын

Having my children taught me the joy of love as service…they didn’t limit me but in fact expanded my understanding of myself and gave me a humility that is simply priceless…they made me grow up

@lynneleverton8825 Жыл бұрын

Maybe it does come with age but I gave up dating at 50 because I thought exactly the same. There is no one worth dating properly and that was after dating over a hundred guys. I just wasn't prepared to have a relationship with someone for the sake of it. Nobody even seemed to be as good as the narcissist I left and that sounds disturbing. The drinkers wanted an enabler and I lost count how many times I got asked if I liked cooking cleaning and ironing. And I think if you've done work on yourself, because you had to, it's so much easier to see that other people haven't or never will!

@yvonneb-t3d Жыл бұрын

Spotting the those types becomes crystal clear and then realizing there is great comfort in staying single.

@lynneleverton8825 Жыл бұрын

@@yvonneb-t3d I actually love being single. I still get asked out on dates now, but i always decline. I make every excuse under the sun! lol

@Tigers_Eye_Lady Жыл бұрын

I decent men anymore sounds sweeping but it’s true

@bredaspacapan6118 Жыл бұрын

Hear ya ❤️

@gigiarmany4332 Жыл бұрын

Yes,yes indeed..I just love being single, thankfully I have grown kids ,a career & a few real friends, there really is NO reason for a relationship..my favorite hobby is dodging narcissists & spotting them from miles away ..& watching videos by Richard Grannon , Sam Vaknin ,Dr Ramani & many more..better then any true crime thrillers👍🏽💥🔥💯🎉❤️

@N1S4444 Жыл бұрын

In my opinion, the ability to be truly empathic of other people, self-reflective, and take responsibility of YOUR actions/reactions would be the foundation for relationships with other people. Also, the ability to not need to be with another person.

@iafffirechic Жыл бұрын

Yes! I think you are bang on!😁

@lianevoelker9845 11 ай бұрын

I don't agree with your last sentence. You are human, wired for connection. If you are training yourself to not "need" another person, you are training yourself to become detached from your feelings and needs and potentially become avoidently attached. Some things can only be met by other people - family, friends, therapist, partner. It's more about how and on who you are placing your needs and the contribution of such and your willingness to give back and to be emotionally available for others.

@equs1b Жыл бұрын

Your description of what shadow integrated and unintegrated people would look like trying to be in a relationship is gold.

@sisid6295 Жыл бұрын

o my God .. worse part is when u want real love but u still missed the momster how abiused and left u broken ..

@tessat1693 8 ай бұрын

Not only did this give me an insight on my previous toxic relationship. It also gave me perspective on how I have been emotionally immature myself. This was an eye opener, thank you for being so real.

@becksea Жыл бұрын

I enjoy laying in bed and farting loudly…I don’t think I’d be able to do that if I was in a relationship and at this point I’m not prepared to give it up 👍

@clairejohnson6522 Жыл бұрын

You could always look for a partner with flatulence!🤣

@becksea Жыл бұрын

@@clairejohnson6522 I only like my own …I’m sure there’s a metaphor in there somewhere 😂🤣

@clairejohnson6522 Жыл бұрын

@@becksea Wherever you may be ,let your wind blow free!💨🌬

@cor3944 Жыл бұрын

If you consider that as utter expression of your freedom maybe you are only inflated.

@karishort1891 Жыл бұрын

I just spewed my drink 😆😆😆😆

@worthtryingonce Жыл бұрын

“The fact that you’re American, I’m massively concerned… it’s a mess right now.” You’re not wrong!

@1RPJacob Жыл бұрын

_"The trick to mortality is to avoid death"_ The problem is not being attracted to attractive people, the problem is not being able to terminate the relationship when those people act toxic.

@heartofpuregold Жыл бұрын

Ugliest people are narcs all the beautiful people I ever knew were equally very beautiful looking and for some reason died young. Some are still here but the ugliest fakest are all narcs obsessed with their looks because they got no personality warmth or humour.

@lynneleverton8825 Жыл бұрын

I've recovered from this problem. It's a lot harder when you have kids a home and other stuff though. Everything isn't so black and white.

@heartofpuregold Жыл бұрын

@@lynneleverton8825 look in my case i gained the strength from my child. Just be careful as theres loads of creeps especially online and if your attractive its even harder. Keep your chin up.😊😇

@lynneleverton8825 Жыл бұрын

@@heartofpuregold I'm average...Is probs bcos I talk too much.

@heartofpuregold Жыл бұрын

@@lynneleverton8825 why are you blaming yourself? The right one going to appreciate everything about you. Dont let a jealous narc define you. Your talking because you got something to say and people wanna hear it. If they dont tell them to bugger off. Life too short for that crap.

@lela888 Жыл бұрын

This was great video. To all the souls who are trying to heal ❤

@anitavirginillo Жыл бұрын

I'm over it. It will be me and my rescue dogs from here on; with them I know unconditional love, loyalty, laughter and fun times! Men are so damn unremarkable and not worth the trouble.

@Tigers_Eye_Lady Жыл бұрын

Peace is being alone, ps I love your stuff. An articulate, aware man is quite a rare thing 😀🤗

@LifewithAng904narcsurvivor Жыл бұрын

Children are amazing ! Best relationships of my life ! But they grow up and have there own lives! Which is completely healthy!!!!

@kellyphipps6728 Жыл бұрын

I’m actually one of those people who go to bed at 8pm well hydrated. And I like it! I also don’t have sex outside of marriage (just my own conviction, not passing judgment on anyone else. Not saying my way is the right way for everyone.). Also, doing hard work recovering from a bad relationship. So, those things will probably make it hard for me to ever find a long term relationship with another person. It would have to be a divine introduction I guess! Thank you for the good advice and affirmation!

@chschaley Жыл бұрын

I’ve never met someone who believes so similarly to how I do. I do appreciate how well you articulate it though! I have relationship 2. Two fully grown adults, imperfect and accepting of each other. It’s not abusive and doesn’t look like a Hallmark Special. I still am working on myself as I have a history of childhood trauma and a previous abusive marriage. I become more aware through your videos. Thank you!

@user-nv4ci3sc8l 11 ай бұрын

Oh my god. You can't be more clear. I hope people to understand what you want to say to them. All these you say are so true, so right, so logical.

@ddean1420 Жыл бұрын

I'm looking forward to this. When l first heard Meridith Miller state that we must give ourselves time l had just left the NEX, and thought that a new relationship was the way out of the dark place l was in. I realize now that she was right, and it has been just over three years.

@tammyfitzgerald5336 Жыл бұрын

Gotta heal 🎉❤

@kathpercy7941 Жыл бұрын

Omg you have just described my soon to be x husband of a 30 year marriage in a nutshell with a malignant fragile narcissist with an unintegrated shadow Filed for divorce Thank you Richard ❤

@cathycathy116 Жыл бұрын

Richard, this video is Wonderful!! What a breath of fresh air and speaking such truth!!! ❤️🇺🇸😊

@narcismebelgie Жыл бұрын

Richard, all your work has been always to help people raise their consciousness. That’s beautiful.

@sarahlaver-holland9931 Жыл бұрын

I’ve now been on my own for 2.5 years after a very long abusive relationship. I’ve learnt to be really happy with my own company. I’ve no idea what my next intimate relationship will look like.

@drhendrickson2880 Жыл бұрын

I believe it is possible. It’s not going to be a walk in the park. Working on yourself and coming to being internally free from narcissistic abuse is possible. You have to be mindful of yourself and how you react in trigger situations. Also it would be impossible if your new partner doesn’t know. Partnering means supporting them & them understanding you and your past and together collectively grow and work together on your relationship. Relationships are work. But the hard work can become something great in your relationship. It’s got to be giving 150% to each other.

@Ladida386 Жыл бұрын

Richard, I'm casually following you for years. This session was one of the best. ❤️

@bredaspacapan6118 Жыл бұрын

I am not worried about being able to love again, i am freaked out i will again chose the wrong person to love! 😬

@SolitaryMission Жыл бұрын

"All of that has to be in place." Yes, it does. The reason things are so sideways is very simple: Most people just don't have their shit together.

@debbihanlon1548 Жыл бұрын

Love that insight into what you observe in healthy relationships. I will never be in a relationship again unless the other person can show up for the work and vulnerable dialogue. I wish I had held this self-care expectation in dating before the second marriage and eight years of trying to reach that destination.

@ct6852 Жыл бұрын

I'm not sure about all the society stuff. You can have such different personalities in the same family, on the same block, in the same school, and in the same city. Narcissist Personality Disorder has always seemed like a brain condition to me. Like they're literally missing the decency and empathy chip in the prefrontal cortex or something. It's very, very toxic for people who need their boundaries and a modicum of respect to function well.

@empressenergee Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂 that was a whole ride you took us on! Love your work Richard. Having first hand experience of narcissistic abuse this really resonated. Thanks for your words of wisdom 🫶

@mikkamb6955 Жыл бұрын

The way you talk about sharing the same house with one person for decades as if it were a prison sentence every time you talk about mature loving relationships…I swear it never fails to crack me up 🤣🤣🤣 Lots of good thoughts in here, but I think we might be living on different planets ‘cause where I come from we don’t take Hollywood movies as a representation of reality, thank God.

@Earthismadeoflayers Жыл бұрын

Never mind dating and romance, I can't even find a man to work with in life that doesn't abuse, con, and throw their issues with their ex at me like I am their ex. Im sick to death of it.

@angelindirtyjeans Жыл бұрын

This has helped me appreciate that I disappoint myself over and over again. I’ve been in therapy for years to try to break the trauma bond and still can’t severe it. Thank you Richard

@msstanley3369 Жыл бұрын

I’m a big fan of your work Mr. Grannon, and a wit sense of humour 😅 love you ❤

@sami6086 Жыл бұрын

Yeh I want a relationship but to never live with the person. I can’t do it any other way. I won’t

@personne3837 Жыл бұрын

Same, i want a relationship but "LAT =living apart together" I love my freedom to clean, cook, sleep, eat and do whatever I want whenever i want without having to make sacrifice for someone's confort or expectations.

@indigo_dreamz Жыл бұрын

I'm 9 years single, lots of healing in between those years but I know being in a relationship will bring up even more things to heal from but I don't see a relationship occurring, times are so different now and it seems like those seeking to heal and be better mentally are rare.The idea of being in a relationship is getting stranger and stranger as the years go by and maybe it's my own mental issue for being single for that long.

@katalinmanzqueenmonga2781 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this.. I often wondered if is just me who feels this way...

@LifewithAng904narcsurvivor Жыл бұрын

Omg like I can’t even imagine living with another adult right now but I don’t like the being alone .

@arianamooon Жыл бұрын

Love this humble man who truly thinks

@franwilby1254 Жыл бұрын

Living with a partner in the same house for the rest of your life. This made me feel physically sick. I need my own space, as I'm sure everyone does.

@izzyfox7575 Жыл бұрын

Yep, same!

@franwilby1254 Жыл бұрын

@@izzyfox7575 👍

@personne3837 Жыл бұрын

I tried for 9 years and it was excruciating, never again. I need my space, my time, my quiet and clean apartment for me only.

@franwilby1254 Жыл бұрын

@@personne3837 🤣❤

@grabyourmail Жыл бұрын

Thank You! Well said my friend. Your candor is uplifting.

@ichdu7310 Жыл бұрын

In this talk I have found the best description and outline of what a relationship as a concept is.

@amanda4sss Жыл бұрын

I agree. I felt and thought the same.

@maeliosashannon4246 Жыл бұрын

Thank you. Thats hit the mark for me. X

@stefaniefernandez5245 Жыл бұрын

You did it Richie!! When you put it into words you give me freedom! ❤

@KaykaH Жыл бұрын

Richard You are such a beautiful human being , helping so many people :) it's amazing!

@janetkupers3496 Жыл бұрын

Your videos are so on the mark as I was married to a narcissist years ago and did not understand at the time what I was dealing with but my instincts and religion saved me. Please keep up your videos as people really need to hear these truths. Sometimes I cannot help but laugh in a really good way at how honest and openly you state some of the comments you receive from people and some of your experiences. Really thanks for the education on narcissists.

@rmzmssmd5410 Жыл бұрын

The Zizek impression was great! Thank you for putting word on what I feel. It actually helps me to speak.

@dianec.3818 Жыл бұрын

I love your approach with unapologetic honesty and truth. "Do the work" is the answer!

@mitzistone4721 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for the humour and the wisdom!😀

@christinalawler5250 Жыл бұрын

Coming from a lot of experience, getting past hyper-vigilance is one of the most difficult obstacles. Because after abuse, everything reads as it. If you have a partner who wants to do their own work as well and choose to stay at it, you’ll certainly have the best shot. Also therapy helped me so much. To challenge the many negative cognitions that my mind would create. ❤

@Glitter504 Жыл бұрын

Amazing talk Mr Grannon!!!!😊

@ForceCaptKatra Жыл бұрын

I haven't been on KZfaq in a while, glad to see you're still providing this helpful content for people ^~^

@myriammario4924 Жыл бұрын

Dear Mister Grannon, i am so Grate full that I found You, thank You so much for your clear content.

@valyatimtsenko 5 ай бұрын

Great video, thank you . I also appreciate your humor . Well done 👏

@miriamdegraaf8391 11 ай бұрын

Your honesty is hilarious and spot on. It makes me think and smile at the same time. Great job!

@linnet322 Жыл бұрын

This was a very organized, thought provoking talk with a lot of aha moments for me. It made some things click and made sense. Thank you.

@laurie5823 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Richard. Your no bullshit truths are so refreshing. Stripping it down the way you do takes such vulnerability & a knowledge of yourself that is so admirable. I’ve recently discovered your videos and even with all of the work I’ve put in over the last 5 years, I see I have more to do. That’s ok, one “no bullshit” step at a time 😉

@amritkaur743 Ай бұрын

Wonderful words! Thankyou so much for everything that you do. I finally understand why im having trouble navigating a healthy relationship after a toxic one. Gotta close the gap between fantasy and reality!!

@carolbeukes4810 Жыл бұрын

Thanks Richard this was great.

@valentinarex94952 Жыл бұрын

Bingo! I felt like I was doing the emotional labor for him whilst trying to figure out the winning combination to unlock his sanity. Which in turn, made me crazy times two. And he walk away the victim and the victor. It’s really something. WAW! What A World. Thank you for doing the thinking, Richie X O X O

@bevboersen5778 Жыл бұрын

Fantastic diatribe! I love it, makes sense to think about this in real time and individual expectation.

@MM-um3dq 11 ай бұрын

Yes you are absolutely correct. Love this video awesome!💗

@agatadabrowska8515 Жыл бұрын

thank you for speaking out 🙏

@mkaz3997 Жыл бұрын

Brilliant video! Next level stuff.

@saschaharper4204 Жыл бұрын

This explains a lot and confirms something I perceived in my last relationship

@suellencarolineferreira6392 Жыл бұрын

I loved this! You are awesome!

@RVSurf Жыл бұрын

Superb Sharp and Bold Truth! Thank you! Realistic poetry versus idealistic la la land

@heartofpuregold Жыл бұрын

Time heals all wounds, give n take. Another interesting talk. Thank you God bless You. I really resonate with the humour side of it and the pass the salt pss thanks for the truth😁

@itsawowman_ Жыл бұрын

Loved the explanations, and the jokes. Very open minded and agreeable. When I just think I'm sitting down seriously, you make me burst into laugh..that's a nice plus 😄

@dailystriver2727 Жыл бұрын

I was discarded by my ex narc girlfriend and even tho it’s been 4/5 months its still hard cos I was genuine and genuinely fell in love with her then since she just discarded me and I’ve been learning about narcissism her actions and behaviours finally began to make sense. However the pain is still there cos it’s not the usual heartbreak it’s 5x more painful knowing you fell in love withnever fell in love with someone who didn’t fall in love with you and the person and relationship was a lie and months down the line there’s times when all the feelings and pain hit you like a wave like the early days.

@alyssawoodman Жыл бұрын

I left my narc a year ago and I still cry hard!!! It's alot to deal with. Wishing you the best in your healing journey ❤

@darlenemendenhall3017 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this video. ☺️

@JacquiCryer Жыл бұрын

I think .. having watched your videos over the last year … and resonated so much with so many of them .. I have just seen you very open and genuine. Great work ❤️x

@theyesowl Жыл бұрын

This is brilliant. Thank you Rochard

@kriskri6181 Жыл бұрын

Great stuff! Thank you Richard!

@AmeriKenTX Жыл бұрын

Very insightful & life changing content! Thanks for sharing! May God continue to guide & bless you. Deo grátias

@flowerpower4944 Жыл бұрын

Great video RICHARD, 🇨🇮♥️, you nailed it ,love your sense of Humor,!

@mgroliveira Жыл бұрын

Excellent! I loved It!

@pooru1231 Жыл бұрын

This was well done

@etherealradar Жыл бұрын

Beautiful thoughts mate!

@leighparratt3015 Жыл бұрын

Wow. That’s the best love video I’ve ever heard. I’ve done both: been married for over 20 years, happily, and content, and more recently, been playing the field. And although I’ve met a couple of incredible men who I do adore and enjoy being with and find incredibly attractive, I know, there’s no way in the world I want to live with them I don’t want them in my space. Despite the intense connection/chemistry and love we’ve had for each other, They’d annoy me I don’t like some of their hobbies and habits, and they’ve either been totally disregulated or avoidant. I’ve never heard this issue said so clearly as in this video. Thank you Richard.

@indigoechos6796 Жыл бұрын

This is so spot-on

@maria.1313 Жыл бұрын

So much truth here, some very good pointers for me. And thank you for the laughs, Richard 🙏

@Soh583 Жыл бұрын

Excellent, thanks Rich

@marcinkaczorowski1100 Жыл бұрын

what a pleasure to listen. Education and entertainment :)

@gestfue432 Жыл бұрын

Great explanation. Thank you Richard!

@Levandetag Жыл бұрын

Lovely ;) Thank You!

@dawn6232 Жыл бұрын

I guess after 22 years, I subconsciously realized that I didn’t want to carry his shadow, anymore. I’m glad my body knew before my heart did.

@sblackmore5931 Жыл бұрын

Thank you- this is so true and just solidifies everything I've been thinking. Nice to know others are feeling this disconnect between themselves and what seems like :everyone else." And - as you mentioned- especially UK/Canada/Britain.... I can really relate to what you're saying. More people should talk about this.

@srice5596 Жыл бұрын

This makes soo much sense to me right now. Thank you

@zuzanad4690 Жыл бұрын

The end IS hilarious love ya😂😂❤️

@isabeldewinter8024 Жыл бұрын

Thank you, haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Boundaries with self discipline to adhere to said boundaries.

@YukonFox1972 Жыл бұрын

I’ve already done the marriage and children experience. I don’t want another man living with me. I just want an exclusive sexual relationship with chemistry where we emotionally and intellectually are compatible. Like me, I want him to be a non-smoker, and not be an addict/alcoholic. I seem to be wanting too much, I guess. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve been working on accepting being alone.

@joanna7535JoJo Жыл бұрын

amazing, totally agree with everything. very well said.

@annrobinson7766 Жыл бұрын

That chunk at the end. Spot on.

@cherylsavage6178 Жыл бұрын

That was great yes. Understand everything you said. I being saying the same thing for years. I have talked my children in to grounding every time they pop off. Be genuine people will respect you

@jakomienawestdijk8789 Жыл бұрын

Very insightful🙏

@emjayweise8324 Жыл бұрын

Holy sh/t. This was eye opening! I needed to see this. Thank you.

@neemalee3869 Жыл бұрын

Bloody brilliant. ❤ I have spent the last few years healing… Dealing with my childhood traumas and integrating my shadow… And single… I’ve made peace with it at this point

@snarks4087 Жыл бұрын

I don’t want your dating advice. I’m focused on me and how I can stop ruminating on this narc parson. Who is still connected by our teen. Who he manipulates and actually terrorizes her. It’s awful. I can only guide her carefully. Dating is the last thing on my mind. I know there are wonderful men out there. They are all taken or commuted or a disaster from their own messes they have to heal from. So I don’t know why anyone would ask you for dating advice. I ask of you to keep helping us heal from narc people who just never stop. Thank you for your work. I listen. I hear you and take it in. It’s helpful because it’s logic. All good. Onwards and upwards.