My thoughts exactly

Same here. It's hard to believe that child & parent could hold a conversation with civility, to say the least.

I so agree. It is such a blessing. My mom and I are on a similar journey towards understanding each other, and it's so helpful to hear these two share in experience and conversation. It's truly a gift! 🎁

Dude, seems like someone is idealising someone a little bit too much? They're two human beings, father and son. Gabor is not a fucking prophet who here to save the world.

In the past (there is an old video from 5-7 years ago) it was Gabor who cut off Daniel. For Daniel (and for Gabor as well!) patience comes with much healing and time. It's an imperfect process. We may cringe at times. But ultimately I think the dance is to be able to see oneself in both of these human beings. It's easy to say what we do and don't like in others and analyze them. Judgements/ dislikes say as much about us as they do about someone outside of us. Ultimately this rawness is what makes this process is authentic and valuable. It's not polished and finished. It's literally a work IN PROGRESS.

Hi Sarah, I would also recommend you check out Forrest Hanson (KZfaq channel) where he and his psychologist father produce regular podcast episodes together of conversations between just the two of them and interviewing others (they might have even hosted Gabor on an episode, I can’t recall, but they’ve hosted others like Richard Schwartz - creator of Internal Family Systems therapy, Jacob Ham - an amazing trauma therapist in NYC, Dr Stephen Porges - creator of the Polyvagal Theory, just to name a few). Above the fantastic information and I esp love the way that Forrest structures each episode and summarises at the end, the most incredible component is the interaction between Forrest and his father Rick (who is also a very successful and celebrated author, psychologist etc) and how they model incredibly healthy securely attached parent-child relationship). Also check out the episodes that Forrest does with his partner Elizabeth (she lives with cPTSD and is also a somatic experience therapist) because they model such a genuine and secure romantic relationship. And I have learned a lot just by observing their interactions, which you may find helpful. I esp love the episode Forrest and Rick did with Richard Schwartz, who seems like a really heart-based and genuinely kind person, where they mirrored their mutual respect and admiration for each other in an authentic way, something I have hardly ever witnessed in real life, unfortunately.

Did you mean unbelievable in a good or bad way?

I think because we are "old school" maybe? I always speak to my parents (in their mid-70s) with great respect. I never mock them or interrupt them. It just isn't done in my generation and my family. So I understand what you mean. My own adult children are respectful but not nearly as mindful as I am with my parents.

What's with that is a great opportunity for you (and any of us) to look within. Compassion. Insight. And patience. All around.

Real people, balanced, good, of quality

It seems as though Daniel might be growing up to his feelings about his father I imagine it’s hard for him as the son to move forward with a relationship with his father to let go of all that stuff from younger days work through it squash it I don’t know that’s kind of hard but when you have another parent that’s reciprocal of it might make it easier

Really enjoying your interview very inspirational big thank you

I’m curious, Isabelle, whether you’ve asked your daughters if that’s how they really feel (that their parents are less capable of relating to them as adult children - if I’m understanding your original comment correctly). That’s not a judgement or saying that you should, only wondering if that’s what you’ve heard from them or if that’s what you’ve interpreted from your interactions. The topic of the parent child relationship is incredibly interesting to me and close to my heart - I have a very turbulent relationship with my mother (I had to cut her out of my life for my own safety) and I have a very young daughter now. One of my biggest fears, as you can imagine, is for her and I to end up with a fractured relationship like mine with my mother. And despite my efforts to do things differently, there are definitely signs of an insecure attachment and her putting some distance between us at times (though she is only 7 so a lot can change, as well as potentially my misinterpretation of her intentions and feelings). What I have noticed and became curious about (and trying to work on) is that I have a tendency to bring my trauma and anxieties and triggers from my fractured relationship with my mother into my interactions with my daughter. At times this has resulted in me failing to see her as her own person and not another version of me that I need to ‘fix’ or prevent her from making the same mistakes that I did - because in doing so, I am not in the present moment and it’s so incredibly frustrating for her to get these big reactions from me (which was a reaction to my past, my fears, not to her in that moment). And in these experiences, it reminds me of my past interactions with my mother when I was a teenager, when I recall feeling so unseen and unheard because my mother was having these big fear based reactions to my needs, requests, actions etc, reactions that were also probably her own past trauma reactions/scripts. I find myself realising that if I continued on this path of not meeting my daughter where she is in the present moment without bringing my baggage along, then she would continue to pull away from me and can quite conceivably grow up believing that I am not capable of relating to her as an adult because I was not able to relate to her as a child. That is not to assign blame on me or her or my mother, nor am I assigning blame or judgement on you or your daughters if this resonates with you. And because my daughter is 7 years old, she loves the Australian cartoon “Bluey” at the moment (and I’m not sure if you’ve heard of it). Their episode are so clever and do explore a lot of parent-child relationship dynamics in an age appropriate way to young children as well a speaking to the adults, a bit like Pixar films. There is an episode called “Grannies” that had a great quote from the mother character to her daughter Bluey about the dilemma she was having with her little sister Bingo: “You’re going to have to decide: Do you want to be right, or do you want Bingo to keep playing with you?” Bluey thinks for a few seconds and replies: “Can I have both?” to which her mother said “No.”. I find myself remembering the lesson from that episode often, because we frequently find ourselves needing to decide if we need to double down on our righteousness/version of the truth at the cost of a relationship. I see too often people of all generations, but especially in the parent-child dynamic, choosing righteousness over the relationship (sometimes that is the healthy thing to do, but sometimes it’s not).

And for good reasons... but yes nervous system regulation and yet deeper healing in Daniel would be a gift to watch... meanwhile it's a process. We all have a Daniel and a Gabor inside us somewhere.

Yes it's really beautiful to see Daniel's transformation, coming from a parent. Love seeing it. I want that for my adult children.

🙌🗣💞

@isabellekeyzer Everything we're saying applies to daughters and mothers. In fact all the questions we read out today were from one or the other of those. We can't be anything other than what we are-a father and son-but what we're talking about is not sex-specific. -Daniel

@@gabordanielmate I still have a feeling that the dynamics between daughters and mothers are still a bit different. I would like you to talk with your mom and other moms or daughters among your friends to hear if they also see it that way. this being said, I love your program and your expression of your deep inner work and insights. maybe it has something to do with trying to prevent painful experiences for our children, wich they experience as control and having to do everything our way... (sorry, my current language is not English)

I betya they don't share everything on here. I'm certain Gabe did not raise his children...wife did all the work.

​@@isabellekeyzernothing wrong with your english. I agree the dynamics are somewhat different for females.

(that favorite thing was a joke. i think.) -Daniel