Here’s a great way to stop being a people pleaser.

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2 жыл бұрын

Пікірлер: 96

@focusedallday5620 2 жыл бұрын

Big facts! Some people simply don’t know how to ask for what they want, and some people simply expect you to be a mind reader. I don’t want to deal with anyone of them haha

@arianamooon 6 ай бұрын

Facts

@MarcinVoyager Жыл бұрын

It's time to sort out friends again.

@michelleproctor9726 6 ай бұрын

I am 53 and have didn't my entire life being a people pleaser. Now that I am speaking up, I am actually feeling better about myself. This is solid advise

@Janderra 7 ай бұрын

That is difficult to do if your family is the problem 😔

@MjrShepherd 4 ай бұрын

I live in Minnesota good luck finding someone else who understands their own needs or will at least communicate them

@diajinewoodford1100 Ай бұрын

😂

@brycethoreson9216 Жыл бұрын

Im dealing with depression, anxiety, codependency, people pleasing. I dont want to feel like a burden but if everyone did this I'd feel even more alone and depressed and hate myself more because I pushed them away

@katemicallef6474 11 ай бұрын

I have compassion for your afflictions but you must realize that youre capable of learning how to voice your needs. Just because you dont do it now doesnt mean you cant develop the skill. It starts slowly, you fumble a lot and you get better. It sucks but that's part of the learning process

@thegtafanboy 11 ай бұрын

this is neoliberal pop psychology tbh

@beyshadow 10 ай бұрын

@@thegtafanboyGreat buzzwords... any actionable advice?

@JeremyForTheWin Ай бұрын

If people only like the version of you that mostly caters to their needs, then they aren't really very good friends anyway. Yes you may lose some in the short term, but you will attract a higher quality of communicator moving forward.

@Fay685 6 ай бұрын

Im such a people pleaser i gave the thumbs up before seeing the video 😂

@Jess-yp9fo 42 минут бұрын

Fax. Definitely blame my mom (who was a covert narcissist) My people pleasing was off the charts!!

@Ozmni11 Ай бұрын

GOOD POINT! Do not guess other's needs

@cbahm Жыл бұрын

Powerful advice! I think the hardest thing to forego is the rush of pleasing someone, even if my actions aren’t good for me.

@eliza7ioana 2 жыл бұрын

When I voice my needs I am met with a debate instead of empathy and compassion, and even in my most recent needs-related conflict I was the one that had to cave in AND apologize. Like a loser lol. Is it just me? Does anyone have pointers on how to prevent this in the future? 😖

@Datb2 2 жыл бұрын

I also have the same problem

@focusedallday5620 2 жыл бұрын

First take a step back and ask if what you’re asking for is within reason.

@odalyssantos1236 Жыл бұрын

From someone who is currently getting divorced from a people pleaser, it helps to put yourself first. Present to others why you need what you're expressing. What would it mean to you if they met that need? What would it mean to you if they didn't meet that need? Another thing to consider is that it's best to condition yourself to not be so afraid to let someone go if they aren't truly fulfilling you. Best wishes to you.

@lamb11764 Жыл бұрын

Awesome

@ash_meadows Жыл бұрын

Same

@sunriselotus Жыл бұрын

People who are people pleasers should stop doing that and start to identify what they themselves want need and expect and try to find people with those similar things. Be proactive!!!!! Stop giving your power away to others. Otherwise, your life with be swept away from underneath your feet.

@amyrobinson1749 Ай бұрын

So true

@svetikchum6988 Жыл бұрын

I think it's important. Also make sure that you're the person that makes other people feel safe to express their needs and then if they failed to do that then it's on that but just like you're operating from a point of trauma they may as well feel that their needs are going to push people away.

@SavedbyGrace_90 8 ай бұрын

This is my goal, the trauma from narcissistic abuse that's costs me my health. My trauma will not define me. Someday when I am totally healed and free from it. I will lend my ears to listen to people who experiencing the same thing and not call them being dramatic or always playing the victim.

@nikkibegg 2 жыл бұрын

I JUST found out that I am a people pleaser. And it's mind blowing now that I'm learning about this aspect of myself. Thank you so much for sharing this, it really resonated with me.

@blackpinkicecream7009 Жыл бұрын

Oh my god, what do I do? My mom's the biggest people pleaser I know and I believe that I got this habit from her

@zealbell7817 6 ай бұрын

You said that like it’s a bad thing you just have to know how to set boundaries and who and not to help it’s a gift from God and you have to protect rather than blame someone

@blackpinkicecream7009 6 ай бұрын

@@zealbell7817 I placed it like that because my mother lets this habit of hers hurt her and her feelings. It makes her feel betrayed and wronged.

@keyabhagirath Жыл бұрын

The way you described being a ppl pleaser really opened my eyes....I never thought I was buuuutttt aha! I am lol

@thejaywalkerkid 2 жыл бұрын

I am a people pleaser along with being a hard core introvert. Although I appreciate your coping mechanism, but I wonder how this would work when my fellow introverts/stranger introverts are trying to put a conservation with me. Being an introvert myself, I understand that not everybody is able to express or communicate. Won't it be giving up on introverts (specifically)?? Would love to hear from you :)

@payelhaque7 Жыл бұрын

I'm also noisy ...I can't just mind my own business and go for helping out people that they didn't even asked

@yujibell Жыл бұрын

Introversion or Extroversion doesn't have anything to do with the ability to communicate your needs in a healthy manner or express yourself when boundaries are crossed.

@tkc403 Жыл бұрын

@@yujibell it does though unfortunately, as its a struggle for introverts to communicate with extroverts & vice versa

@katemicallef6474 11 ай бұрын

I have compassion for your afflictions but you must realize that youre capable of learning how to voice your needs. Just because you dont do it now doesnt mean you cant develop the skill.

@Mia15239 Ай бұрын

dw this video is POOR ADVICE. realising this is advice a therapist is giving, helps validate for me that THEY TOO ARE HUMAN and don't always get it right. It's scary how a therapist is just spreading this advice willy-nilly. I think it should be to isolate yourself when necessary to help get your head clear and screwed on right. But not just be completely dismissive and invalidating to people who cant voice their needs. Jeez. where the hell did compassion and empathy go???? So don't take his advice. Thats my advice.

@tomariTV 11 ай бұрын

Thank you that was an amazing affirmation at the end

@mr.irrelevent8956 Ай бұрын

I feel like the problem with this is that the vast majority of people don’t know how to ask for what they want.

@plushchiyo4715 11 ай бұрын

Going through this at the moment with a roommate (Im the people pleaser) and this is eye opening in letting go of her unspoken expectations and resulting attempts to guilt trip.

@lailaplaysdbd4004 Ай бұрын

Wow. I wish this video was available back then in time. Even though I don't relate to this anymore, it still gets to me. I used to be the shy girl who tried so hard to be friends with everyone, even bringing jokes or snacks to lunch to make them like me. My worst years were from 3rd to 6th grade. Thankfully, I found a great group of friends at the start of 7th grade and we're still close in college. I've met even more people since then. But this experience made it hard for me to trust others. Sometimes I'm scared to start conversations. My social skills have improved though, and I'm happy about that.

@maria.1313 Жыл бұрын

Thank you! Very good point!

@terrimattila3695 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this advice I take it to my heart

@amyrobinson1749 Ай бұрын

Wow this hit home literally

@businessworld9527 5 ай бұрын

Awesome tip!!

@xlilyx3924 Жыл бұрын

In some cultures, it’s viewed as considerate to able to anticipate people’s needs….at least superficial ones. Not everyone will feel comfortable voicing displeasure out of politeness like if they’re uncomfortable, the food is awful…..how can we meet people halfway , not over-exert ourselves but also not prioritize ourselves?

@doralburnett9886 7 ай бұрын

Well said fam

@turtle4llama 11 ай бұрын

I rolled my eyes at first and then let the video loop for 15 minutes.

@_N0_0ne Жыл бұрын

Thank you kindly

@itzelr3514 Ай бұрын

😖 I’m totally out: I don’t communicate what I want need and expect

@babycat.lixxie Жыл бұрын

@RebeccaRuano 22 күн бұрын

So … 🤔 then… 😅 stop being a people pleaser by stopping being around people that need pleasing… ❤ Solid. 💯

@lydia4382 Жыл бұрын

I run a business, how is that physically possible or feasible for most people?

@oktobersown82 4 ай бұрын

I do this at work as manager, any tips for that

@Jennifer-di4nl 2 жыл бұрын

So you're basically an emapth like me. It really sucks. Still have no idea how you changed...can you elaborate more?

@IAmSuyogJadhav 2 жыл бұрын

I think he is referring to the mindset we have of going above and beyond to determine what someone else wants. For example, I try to analyze everyone around me so that I know what they want and how I can be the nicest to them. Maybe this is what makes us get stuck in this people pleasing loop.

@Jennifer-di4nl 2 жыл бұрын

@@IAmSuyogJadhav I do that too. Can I ask you to tell me briefly what your parents were like? I think this has to do with how we are raised.

@IAmSuyogJadhav 2 жыл бұрын

@@Jennifer-di4nl I don't understand why KZfaq doesn't send me a notification when someone replies to my comment, but promptly sends one for likes 🤷🏻. But anyways, I mean I come from a quite a conservative family, so my parents were pretty strict (although they softened after I moved out to live in a residential school at 11). There was no room to fail in the classes, and you had to be the top scorer. I and my sister also used to receive beatings and get locked up in the bedroom when we did something wrong (till I was about 9 yrs old I think). But I don't think of it that much because, pretty much every other family in the neighborhood used to do this, so it was pretty much the norm. I'm 22 now, and my parents have expressed their guilt to me in the past few years though. Hope that answers your question.

@ezazkhan4233 Жыл бұрын

What solution sir

@_yussra Жыл бұрын

the way I gasped will start doing this

@charlizeevangeline6084 8 ай бұрын

Hii and yes im a people pleaser, yess i have tried to change but when i start to change my ex best friend start blaming me for everything and constantly attacking me (not physically).also im an introvert so i don’t have that much friend but when i finally got a friend she start blaming me for leaving her and not letting her joining my new friend but its not true because she left me first and i dont want to join her friend group because most of them gossip all the time. So now we are ex best friend cos she kept playing victim and never want to apologize. (She’s my ex best friend/cousin so its hard ok?)

@toshita7796 Жыл бұрын

facts

@worldbestalways 6 ай бұрын

My husband :" I am hungry ". Me I go cooking or buy home delivery. 😮😅😢

@jackieblue04 Жыл бұрын

But. Wait, what does it mean to be a people pleaser? The problem is guessing the need before they are able to express it? If they express their expectations desires and needs then our pleasing them is not problematic anymore?? I think the problem about being a people pleaser is that in that process we forget about ourselves, our own needs, and place others needs as more important. The problem is not that we are observant and quick to act on other people's needs. I don't think that setting ourselves to dismiss what we notice other peoples needs they cannot express it will be automatically beneficial. What we need is to learn to discover our own needs, and learn to be comfortable in the process of pleasing ourselves. Then is where I get lost.

@eagerEman25 10 күн бұрын

I also blame my parents

@sjackson357 Жыл бұрын

🙌

@TaroLoaf 7 ай бұрын

Lmao. Effff 99%if the ppl around me suck at communicating and expect me to guess or read their minds

@moonlightstargem1006 11 ай бұрын

Stop being a mind reader & beating yourself up about getting the answers wrong when trying to read people & what they want from you. Only deal with people who tell you what they want right off the bat

@kelaahfyneface7326 Жыл бұрын

Isn’t this kind of avoidant?

@C.r.a.b.b.i.e.p.a.t.t.i.e Жыл бұрын

what if there's no one like that

@diajinewoodford1100 Ай бұрын

🤯

@jamiegoldizen523 8 ай бұрын

So thats basically half my family..

@momione11 6 ай бұрын

Me.

@denise76 11 ай бұрын

You're an INFJ❤

@Tinarouz 5 ай бұрын

until I find those people, what am I supposed to do?

@Aden-ry3cr Жыл бұрын

Do people pleasers blame their parents ?

@Atomic-toons00 Жыл бұрын

@theboyjames3065 Жыл бұрын

Unrealistic to stay away from people who you deem to be less "in tune" than yourself. Also, a little narcissistic.

@realspen5082 8 ай бұрын

Holy fuck, bro for 3/4 of the video did not get to the point cause he knew he wouldn’t get views in the advice wasn’t if the latter half of the video

@adamstone6071 11 ай бұрын

Not everyone knows how to express what they want or need. Why would you rule those people out of your life? Weird thing for a therapist to ‘decide’

@misseleanorryan Жыл бұрын

But how can u just ditch all your friends and family who are like me?

@sgiado 2 ай бұрын

So basically you only hang out with secure people? So basically...you have no friends? Great role modelling, Jeff.

@kierlak Жыл бұрын

Are you an INFJ ??

@ezazkhan4233 Жыл бұрын

hlw

@SoulDelSol 7 ай бұрын

That doesn't help at all. The issue isn't guessing what people's needs are or not. The issue is people pleasing. Someone clearly expresses their needs or wants to you even moreso calls forth tendency to people please which is what we came here not to do.