Oh my gosh. This video is a great example of why I love your content CCF! While it is good to understand the origin of my challenges with cptsd (childhood abuse, etc) - you teach me how to examine the role I play in my life - and what to do about it. Like with people pleasing. I could tell that at least some people really didn't like it. I also felt like a big phony always agreeing with people, or back pedaling on opinions if others disagreed with me. I have made being authentic (but still kind, of course) one of my priorities. I use my words to say what I think and express how I feel about things. I don't go along just to get along. I get nervous about going too far; but I figure it is better to be real with people - and make amends if I need to - than it is to be a people pleaser. I will say it is less tiring to be real. I don't feel a need to justify myself, or pretend to be something I am not anymore! 🙃 Thank you for all you do, Anna and Team CCF!

Survival pleasing. Exhausting. A great way to completely, utterly, sadly, lose your real identity. 💔

this is me in a nutshell. I don't know who I am underneath all this "niceness". I do have a layer of pure rage from all that's happened to me, and I feel like there's two sides to me: nice, and rageful. It's hard I know there's a chance I can show off a goofy quirky side to my personality but my mind freezes when Im out in public meeting people. It's like the "niceness" switch turns on and I can't turn it off.

All of this could have been said so differently. What "people pleasers" need to hear more than anything is that they are safe to be totally themselves and they will be accepted when they do. People like me have no idea how to be accepted or loved. We learned to always say yes and people please. I didn't know that I could be myself, share my thoughts or opinions or my bad moods... I believed in the core of me that I had to hide all of that or else I would be left and rejected. If anyone is still reading. Start slowly, by practicing showing just little bits of yourself with people. Tell people when you don't like something, share a real opinion, say no, share when you're having a bad day. People really do love and prefer the authentic you, and the only way for you to find that out for yourself, is to gradually show more of yourself to people. And when you do, yes, it may scare a few people away, but it will also attract the right people to you, who like the REAL YOU.

By always trying to please everyone else, we're not allowing ourselves to be. And so we can't have genuine relationships and suffer from being alone and rejected. But we actually reject ourselves for not showing who we really are. This is so messed up. I know this very well, the story of my life sadly. The reject wound is very painful.

I’d rather be a “bitch” than be nice. I have swung the complete opposite direction. I love telling people NO. And it feels good. Maybe I will care again, but not right now.

Anna, how about people pleasing NOT to get others to like you, BUT to guarantee they won’t hurt you. An abusive childhood leaves trauma and scars, as you know. Fear of others is real.

I just become whoever im with. I don't even know what I like and don't like, but I'm finding out and it's a very good feeling. The less I care about people hanging around the more they come around. It took me 37 years to learn this.

I used to be a huge people pleaser. When I couldn’t put on an act anymore, the sheer intellectual exhaustion from being a chameleon catapulted me into therapy, I then swung to the complete opposite side of the pendulum, refusing to get involved with anyone or anything that would expect something from me. I’ve been trying to strike a balance ever since, and I’ve yet to do that successfully. But I will keep trying.

Best advice; " Set them free to be themselves."

yes, I almost feel like I've got to apologize for just being me. I had a stepdad who couldn't stand me and a mom too tired for me as well as had a drinking problem. I got moved from school to school yearly, making it impossible to fit in anywhere for long. I do try too hard with the people who matter to me so this is a powerful video for me. In my next get-together, I will be cool but not aloof and try to just be myself and see what happens.

I have stopped the people pleasing. I just awoke to this.

This is good tough love, thank you. As a recovering People Pleaser, I made up the following easy checklist, to come back to if I get off-track. It goes: You're on TRACK if you are Truthful, Respectful, Authentic, Considerate, Kind. I've used it to check in on my behaviour, and also the behaviour of those in my relationships, and used them as starting points of conversations about improving our relationship. It's helped me let go of relationships that weren't helpful, avoid unhelpful ones coming in, and nurture the ones that deserve the work. If this helps anyone, please feel free to use and share it.

People pleasing is one of the hardest disappointments I've ever had to face and deal with. I'm currently at the point in my life to where I don't wish to make anymore 1 to 1 connections/relationships right now.

Set boundaries, respect other's boundaries, keep boundaries! Love to all my fellow fawns. 🦌🦌🦌

I have screwed my life being a people pleaser and didn’t even understand why. It all makes sense, thank you Anna. Would you consider recording an in depth video or a course on how not to do that? I mean on the surface it sounds easy, but my whole existence is screaming anxious that it’s now impossible to change because this is how I’ve always survived in the world. My self esteem is still super low despite and the amount of work I’ve done on myself. It’s soo hard. My mind and soul goes into a default crap fitting mode every time I’m around people… yeah, I know - pathetic 😢

Every adult relationship I've ever had has been one kind of trauma bond or another because of this exact behaviour. It is annihilating and yet freeing to hear it described as manipulation. I followed my family into this too young to ever question why things had changed, I just followed and nobody ever talked about it. I have literally lived a broken life for four decades, never knowing why to trust. I've been asked if something was wrong, point blank, and genuinely believed that overall no I'm doing well enough and I'm stable and not in immediate crisis and it's felt stable with little upset for years now so I feel I'm doing much better, yes. And I follow a learned and cherished family value to deal with those shadowy doubts privately to not be a burden and not bring your crisis to anyone, no matter what, unless you're literally dying. I never meant to deceive anyone but myself. I saw it as the safer option anyway. The real victimless crime, or so I felt. I never thought it possible to feel such guilt and shame over things that weren't even my fault but nobody chose my actions for me. I can't dodge responsibility for my actions, especially not those while I've been an adult. I knew this channel had good stuff, but this is top quality. Your daily meditation helped my progress in and out of therapy along a lot. ❤️😸

I'm reaching the point I'm tired of trying with people. There are people I thought I got on with, connected with. I care about them and thought they cared about me but the more I try the they seem less interested. I think I will be alone forever.

Another secret of abused kids revealed! Dang, girl, you so smart! I see myself in this from the conflict avoidance angle, but I have put all of my love eggs in one basket and just expected people to carry them.🤣 I am just now able to stop crap fitting in search for connection. Just because someone goes to the same church, doesn’t mean that they have interest or room in their life for one more friend. I’m embarrassed to say that waves of recognition of how I have been this mistake keep tumbling over me. Tnx for the tough love. We need to just hear it straight up.

Yep. You've definitely taught me this. I have 35 fb friends. I'm not for everyone. Especially if truth isn't your friend. It was very good for me to learn about manipulation and fawning from you. I'm in recovery from stockholm syndrome. Pleasing was all i did because i was afraid. I'm trying to find the place between being thankful and being pleasing with the excellent input i have 👊🏻🤺🙌🏻❤🙏🏻💪🏻💜🕊

When you're a people pleaser, you'll consistently attract toxic people, and you will be a victim of manipulation and bullying, I know this from experience. At this point, I've been reprogramming my brain, so I can be at peace.

been there/done that. It never worked of course. So much more peaceful to stop the people pleasing and just be myself. Another great video! If they give out Oscars for best YT channel you will surely be the Meryl Streep of these kinds of videos! (:

I think there is a difference in intention in some situations. If it is a planned method to get something you want - that is manipulation. But where the people pleasing is a subconscious avoidance of conflict or your learned behaviour to protect yourself from others, that isnt manipulation. Also, the other party may trigger it - again either conciously or not, by being needy. Fixing the need can satisfy both parties in the short term - but is clearly destructive in the long term and resentment can build on both sides - it becomes a caregiver situation.

I have so many questions about this specific video!! You just called me out (and some other people I know), in so many ways. Thank you for opening my eyes to this.

Not to worry! I can't please anyone! Problem solved! 😂😂

I never give compliments when they are not warranted However, your short video is nothing short of brilliant. That you for speaking the TRUTH.

People-pleasing can definitely lead to emotional blackmail if you’re not careful. Or to being emotionally blackmailed as well. Remember that a “gift” is a gift, not a receipt for an IOU to cash in on later.

I know I had trouble with this, that I had to people-please people who were people-pleasing me. It wasted a lot of energy. (Also, the people-pleasing they did didn't really help me.) Sometimes saying no takes a lot of mental energy, but I can do it. I at least know to take a step back around people who I seem to feel I have to please even if I wouldn't like to. One cold way to look at all of this is "efficient allocation of emotional resources." You can't be too cold of course!

I feel bad when I say no to something I don't want to do, and then it sits in my head all day, convincing my brain that whoever it is, is mad at me. I eventually get over it, but it's a pattern. I haven't been able to say no and feel good about it.

People are suspicious of it. I am too. I indulged in for a while in my early 30's because I felt rejected by people where I lived but it wasn't about me but them. These people were emotionally constipated. I only had to yelp a bit when I stubbed my toe in cold water snd I received hateful looks. I once banged ny knee on the seat in front on a train and said "Ouch" and received suspicious looks. It was because the sears were too close together and I hit a nerve called the funny bone. Ir didn't work because the goal posts shifted and the more you people please the more is expected of you and I also started getting migraines. Also when you are looking after other people you aren't lookig after yourself so you rely on other people too much in the long term.

This video opened my eyes. I was i a toxic friendship with someone and I didn't realize that I was the one who was manipulating everyone to be "accepted" and "invited".

Ive known I have people pleaser tendencies for a long time now.and Ive been thinking about this alot these few days. I find it to be a tendency that is really hard to hold back. I dont like it when Im that way. I am now practicing being myself , its freeing. Thank you Anna ❤

I desperately wanted to earn someone's love. He hates and despises me now. He said I was trying to force more love out of him.

I took people pleasing to an extreme when I chose the nursing profession. I’ve dealt with low self esteem & got my self worth from the approval of others. Pleasing others at my own expense. It catches up to you

Bless you all, we can change this and heal from it 🙏♥️

I really like the way you presented the info in this video! Without the letters ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

The toughest video but so worth watching and hearing what I needed to hear, thank you Anna for this 💓

I please myself in life and i will tell people the truth. If they are ugly or if they are fat i will tell them it. They need to be told the trut. Nice and kind are traits that are thankfully leaving the world, and more people are becoming stronger and cut throat in society. I dont care if my actions upset or hurt others, i am living a life i love, making myself happy and thats what every needs to do. Make yourself happy, tell others of their failures and neve help others, help yourself and make your life better.

I’m blessed to say I have two true friends who accept me and have stuck by me through my worst people pleasing phases. I say this because lost in my own mess I almost pushed them away believing they hated me too. Then I realized what they were saying to me is what someone who truly loves you, will tell you. Stop trying and obsessing over those who show no real interest or care for you. Value yourself. Come be with us who love your presence and let’s laugh. I have so much work and growth to do to escape this “mask” I put on to try to make strangers like me, but my two friends both see through it and want me to love who I am. When I am around them everything is so natural, I never feel myself having anxiety sweats or get trapped in my own head thinking of the right thing to say. We just all flow together so well. They are childhood friends now going into our mid 20s. Everyone needs at least one true friend that’s all it takes to help see the change you need to make and get to work doing it while having healthy support. So many people are alone and don’t have a real friend to give an outside perspective 😞 without my friends I don’t think I could’ve started real personal change

Yes! I’ve done this sometimes in the past and my old roommate does this to me soooo intensely… I couldn’t figure out why I felt so put off by them but it’s bc I could tell they were doing this a lot to me

You are such a gift to me at this transitional time in my life! Thank you.

My mom does this but doesn’t think she’s doing it. She’s completely in denial about it

New word: “crapfitting” going to use in a sentence sometime today 😊

We were just like with a Spiritual ‘Group’ trying to find out more about the phenomenon of the “People-pleaser” and what the causes are and what the solutions might be and this really helped a lot, Thankyou very much. This saved us quite some time 🙏🏼

Great content, Anna.

I'm half way through and I really need to hear this!

this is a very important topic. Thank you so much, dear.

Thank you so much, this is what I needed to hear right now! I just cancelled a short (3 day) trip to my home state because a loved one bought me a round trip ticket that was affordable. I've been staying there when I visit for YEARS now, however, one of the roommates is an abusive and controlling narcissist who threw a tantrum when he found out I was coming to visit, and demanded I stay elsewhere. Which the purchaser of my ticket caved to. Although I DO have many friends in the area, and could certainly find somewhere else to stay, I decided to inform my loved one that bought the ticket that I won't be coming... For a variety of reasons: A- I wouldn't have access to a vehicle. B- the cold GREATLY exacerbates the chronic physical pain I experience that's associated with a condition I was born with (hEDS)... C- I would be (passively/actively) endorsing the continuation of the controlling and abusive situation all the roommates find themselves in with this one person. The crux of it is: he'll sometimes randomly disappear and stay elsewhere for days on end anyway... Why can't he do that while I'm visiting if he's the only one so strongly opposed to me staying there?! My physical cues have been HUGE in this case- instead of being happy and excited, I've felt almost ill: stressed and anxious with more than just wondering how I will find a ride to and from the airport to get back to the desert wilderness where I belong (and admittedly very seldom want to leave). That's the rub of solitude- I've developed such an affinity for it (not having stress, drama, yelling, etc), and being alone in nature, it's very difficult to want anything else!😔😆

Wow! This is *totally* something my vulnerable narcissistic dad does and now I understand why it feels so bad. I'll make sure that I don't end up doing this myself, either - I want real friendships, not fake ones!

Thank you Anna you nailed and highlighted a very real and present issue amongst us CPTSD adult children and I feel each and every word your pronounced really doves in within me. I am very aware of this issue and I carry it within like a very perverse and negative teaching

successful people have their focus on what they are doing and not what ppl think of it (paraphrased). i liked it... very true, thx

What’s funny is that it is very obvious to me when someone does not want to be doing something (and I point it out). With me, I would make it obvious I didn’t want to be there because I wanted someone to notice… but the biggest issue was for me to realize that I didn’t have to do stuff I didn’t want to do anymore. (Something I could tell for other people and not take my own advice lol)

Thank you, thank you, thank you! This clears up a whole bunch of things for me.

So many people like this and I can remember when I was like this too. I see this alot in the55yo and older community where I live at present. Thank you very much for all your videos

Wow….I had no idea about this, the causes of it, and the effects of it on ourselves and others….thank you for showing info about it and how to deal with it!

Thank you very much. Your tough talk just gave me what I needed to hear.

Brilliant ! Thank you !

Thank you for caring about us enough to tell us. It's just as difficult to say as it is to hear tough love. ❤️

Thanks for the tough talking.

I just loved what u said everything here! Thank you for this.

If you have a child with someone who has become a people pleaser, what do you do? It's codependent. I'm stuck. I care about our son. I care about his dad's mental health and it seems like I'm stuck in a loop of unhappiness because he loves me and our son but I have severe feelings of resentment. I stay because I don't have a way out and he's not a bad person but has done lots of harm to my life. It's not a good place to be. I hate who I have become with him. And feel detached. It's sad really. I don't know what to do, I feel like he'd be better off without me but also don't know if he would manage his own life and we have a son together. So do I pretend to stay in love with him for our son? I'm depressed as f... The details are even crazier but I don't feel I should disclose them here. I'm sad and frustrated. Feel like I'm in some kind of hell even though he is not a terrible person. It makes me feel like a terrible person when I say I love you to someone who has seriously let me down over and over. I know I have too, out of resentment. Every month around my period I absolutely hate him. Is this every mother or just the ones that feel stuck where they don't want to be? I need therapy for many reasons. I probably need medication. I don't know what to do about this situation and am highly aware, frustrated and concerned for our son to grow up in a fake love environment. Help please.

I don't know if people pleasing is what is giving me al those relationships problems, but I always end up being passive aggressively attacked by at least one person in a group. Sometimes I end up being the scapegoat and people hate me when really I am the one being attacked. But the attacks are so covert that if I say something I end up looking like the trouble maker in front of everyone else in the group. I tried to leave when seeing the early signs of it, wich left me questionning myself if I've done the right thing and feeling sad having to leave the people I liked in this group behind. I tried to stay and ended up really sick. I tried to tell the people I liked what was happening but they only took me seriously if the person was a bit out of the group, never the ones that were inside the group. I know I have to stand up for myself but the shitty behavior , the immaturity of the rivality left me like I just didn't want to be a part of this, I never chose to be a part of it, but still my sensitivity is giving me alarms each time. So I have to see people one on one to be able to not have that situation repeated, but even that is hard because when I tell them what's going on in my life they end up being distant and if I don't tell them the relationship ends up being a superficial one with no real connection. So I know I have to heal from cptsd but all this does seem so unfair, that I'm starting to wonder if it is ever gonna end after all the effort I made. I the mast group I was I even think that one of the girl tried to poison me. Is it real or not I don't know , are the narcissists and sociopath everywhere in everygroup, am I attracting them, I don't know. Guys want to me to sleep with them and if I don't want to they try to find soemthing wrong with what I've done and tell my friends, and if it's girls they're either jealous or if they're nice decent people, they're in a codependent relationship with someone that uses them and the relationship is all about the other person. I know it sounds like I preoblably repeat a pattern myself, I just try to avoid them but they keep on coming back again and again, to a point I even laugh sometimes because my life feels like groundhog day sometimes. Anyway. Maybe I should confront them but the only times I've done that they ended up gaslighting me, so what's the point of even trying, because it takes so much energy and conflict is very very painful, so why trying with people you already know will be in denial.... That was a long post, I really needed to get this out of my chest. Thanks The Fairy and thank everyone, even if no one reads my post, it's good to have a place on the internet where you can really say how you feel without the fear of being labelled crazy. Love xoxox

I really enjoyed this video CCF. I admit that I'm a people pleaser and I need to get out of this habit ASAP

Ur videos have been helping me allot along side the therapy I have been getting and I want to thank u 😊, I have been on a self healing journey and been dealing with each section one at a time.

I feel like I've been 'crap fitting' with mostly my family my whole life because I feel obligated to 'take care' of everyone(parents, siblings, in-laws) I think maybe some of it has bleed over into other relationships too. But I'm struggling with bitterness and connections now. I've been an isolated stay-at-home mom for almost ten years. I tried to connect with others through social media, but it can be negative at times. I tell everyone it's mom brain when I forget things or don't get stuff done or don't show because I lose track of time. I'm terrified that I won't be able to function as an adult when it's time for me to actually go back to work. I went back once (during a divorce from an abusive spouse) between my four children and I had anxiety and felt confused and inadequate. Even though I confidentiality held a management position prior to having children. I realize this probably stems from anxious attachments. I can get caught between feeling ignored by my husband and other adults(which causes my occasional limerence) and not wanting my children to hang all over me or ask me to get things to the point of irritation. It really sucks and can be very depressing. So this summer I started journaling and doing activities I used to enjoy. Which is especially helpful when I have insomnia. I would like to hear a talk how isolated motherhood or caretaking relate or tie into people-pleasing and CPTSD, because I'm so burned out I'm not sure if I can differentiate when I'm being helpful or just pleasing. Or just wanting interaction with people my age or being "too clingy". Maybe some disassociation here.🤷‍♀️

Perfect video for me. At this exact moment Thank you 💜

I needed to hear this, thank you

Thank you. I say no easier and quickly now. It saves my life energy. I refuse to be drained out by all people who can't say no themselves to something that is too big for them to do anyways but want me to join them to give energy to that abuse. No thanks. My life matters thank you. 🌞

You just described me. In the year I turned 30, I discovered some harsh truths: even when people pleasing, no one is obligated to befriended or support me. And I have autonomy, staying in a toxic situation is giving consent to abuse.

Thank you very much for this video❤️

Thank you!!

Love is a gift you give expecting nothing in return. If you give things expecting something in return it's not love, it's a transaction. And if other people never agreed to the transaction in the first place then you will just hurt them by trying to please them.

Am I missing something? To me this comes across as a fault to the cptsd for being a people pleaser. Now mind you, people pleasing is not a good thing persay if its not back by an authentic self, but isn't it the abuse the cptsd suffered as to why they now people please?

Your videos really resonate with me and I so appreciate what you do. I guess what I’m wondering is how to contend with the discomfort that comes from being real with people. One time years ago, I told a coworker that something she said bothered me. She apologized profusely and we resolved the issue, but all this time later I still feel embarrassed and uncomfortable about voicing my hurt. I hate feeling vulnerable with those I’m not close to. Does this get easier over time?

There are clearly 2 types of people pleasers. There are some who are passive manipulative and some who are the targets of domineering and manipulative people.

Yep.. always causes problems in the end, I've caught myself doing this way too much

It is so much nicer to have you explain my unevolved stuck problem ridden consciousness than religion or society or family or "friends" after listening to you it feels like it's not too big a job to have a look at myself and change. I used to get the opposite impression from everybody else. Like i was defective shameful and always would be. was my impression wrong?

When I say I love this woman; I LOVE THIS WOMAN.

I think I can see myself or a past self of in a lot of this behaviour. It makes me want to scream, it also makes me embarrassed. I think what is hard is understanding what I want vs what I need vs what is right for me. I can’t count the times I’ve dragged myself to the gym, gone to that class or went to meet that friend and I’ve had a great time. But the anxiety, ( of you will let that person down, don’t miss the class you will fall behind, maybe they won’t invite you again) and concern I feel prior makes me wonder if the self care would be to stay in.. It’s a maddening balance that makes me want to pull away and say fuck everything I will be a tree.

This has been a struggle for me as I was told constantly through childhood mostly by teachers to change myself so I would not get bullied (it did not work when I tried, it just created an internalised bully in addition to the real world ones). As an Autistic person in childhood, I learnt to mask hard to be less different and try to avoid conflict as my natural self was considered not acceptable and not a proper way to be. I have been working on unmasking for three nearly four years now and in the process reduced the amount of people-pleasing behaviours and made friends. I still fall into those habits when I am out of my comfort zone, or trying to make a good initial impression or in a situation where being my real self is dangerous, I accept there are times when I need to mask or camouflage my more noticeable autistic behaviours for practical reasons but it is not the same as people pleasing it is just not showing everything about myself when I do not need to.

Yes we have to be brave and authentic 👍🙌

Thanks❣️

Thank You.

Thanks.

Best use of that word 🙇‍♀️ 7:30

People pleaser is a deceptive term. People pleasers often disappoint and lie to everyone around them.

Now I’m confused because I really don’t know if what I’m doing is selfish or if it’s being independent , I don’t know if I’m being a people pleaser or I’m having integrity. Am I practicing self care by walking away or am I isolating by ghosting them?? I have a nonexistent “relationship” with my sister and I’ll bet if you talk to her she would say the exact same things about me that I say about her , so I don’t know what’s up and what is down anymore I don’t know how to judge any of this. You can always spin a situation to make you look good and make the other person look bad so I don’t know whether to feel guilty of everything you’ve named above or not. Once again, I’m having a hard time assessing a situation. When I was younger, I could never understand the dynamics of things that were going on in the room. I doubt my ability to do this I guess that must be a CPTSD thing. If it sounds like I’m just concerned w what others are thinking, I have also spent most of my life accomplishing high levels in the fields of music and art and elsewhere. I spend time educating myself, but I also ruminate in between those times about what is real and what isn’t and I just prefer to be by myself so I don’t have to deal with those people.

Thanks💜

So let’s encourage them (with Love) to really work on that and to find the healing they really need to overcome their fears and insecurities and to discover who they really are. And course some “people pleasers” may be more of the ‘darker’ kind and may need to be ‘pushed’ a little more firmly, but let’s indeed keep in mind that also many of them really have real childhood traumas, and so let’s help them with that, and without being “people pleasers” ourselves 🙏🏼😉

I felt people pleasing and low self-esteem go hand in hand. People with low self worth would tend to show other with the only worthiness that they know, and it turned into desperation which easily led to people-pleasing behavior.

I no longer consider this behavior people pleasing. I think it is transactional behavior. I want you to do this so, I am going to try to manipulate you into doing it.

Nice help.

How do you know if you are acting authentically? I dont think I intend to be a people pleaser but functionally I am. I had a crap fit childhood and romantic relationships. I dont want to manipulate anyone but I can also see how my actions have been manipulative. I just dont know myself i guess

This excessive people pleasing comes from religion as well as childhood PTSD. Christians are told to put Jesus first, others second and themselves last yet flying on a plane we are told to put our own oxygen masks on first before putting one on anybody else including our own children. The best thing we can do is teach people to help themselves or even let them deal with things themselves until the need help rather than force help on them. It's why parents shouldn't be helping their children with their homework usually and all they need do is make sure they do their homework and provide them with a quiet space and the material resources needed for that homework.

Absalutly true

Ugh, i people pleased my way out of therapy. She started getting lots of new clients and I basically became less “needy” to schedule sessions so other people could have the time. I haven’t seen her in years, she is super busy and I just felt too guilty and didn’t want her to feel like she had to let clients go. I’ve written and wished her well and she feels like I figured out how to handle things better and that’s why I haven’t seen her. The truth is so lame. I even held back telling her things because I didn’t want to overwhelm her. I have a people pleasing problem big time. With everything. I was a doormat all through adolescence.

Hey, it's fun and nice to do nice things for people. It feels good. People who DEFINE themselves as 'people pleasers' are NOT simply doing nice things just cause it feels good, they are using it as a mechanism of control... and it ISN'T nice; it's meant to be 'safe'... in their minds. It isn't safe for them OR for the others. I got shouted out by a 'people pleaser' because I should have KNOWN when I asked them what they would like that they would only be answering based on what they thought I wanted. Problem is, they have NO CLUE what I wanted (let alone what they themselves wanted): because I genuinely sought what they would want and they have NO self understanding to be able to even answer that honestly. I asked this bride what SHE and her groom wanted (they had asked for $$ and I offered to make the item to save costs but needed their wishes clear), and it was MY FAULT for trying to meet that request, which the specifics of the request were later represented as a bold faced 'people pleasing' LIE she told to satisfy me. Ya, I said it: LIE. I don't like liars, and people pleasers don't know anything else but how to lie to supposedly please others (cowards). There's no meat there of meaning. These people have no there there. They are lost, with no real form, just some strange manipulative obsessive need to bend and conform to everyone else around them. This is called being BROKEN, ya ain't the glue you think you are... you're actually just gumming up the works. Remember folks, the people pleaser thinks this makes them a NICE person... I got told as much by the people pleaser: they were NICE, I was a b*itch. Well at least I am a b*tch with BOUNDARIES, I'll wear that badge all day long. (And YES I care about you nut jobs.)

I'm really struck by this. Its a painful lifestyle, and deep hole.

I have a brother like that so painful to watch. He doesn't want to change it 52 years and still like that. But his pleasing has to do with his morality and idealism he absolutely does not expect any approval. Yes hard to believe but he really is like that.

Hello :) i just wanted to let you know that I never see the linked video at the end of your videos when you say sth like “if you liked this, you may want to watch this other one “ and it is a bummer because so many times I was really intrigued by the title and It was not showing up or linked in the info box (and you have many videos on the same topic too so I don’t know exactly which one you are referring to). Could you find a way to solve this or it’s me ? Ps. I have been following you for month and you have been a breath of fresh air, thank you :)