I think you could really benefit in all aspects of your life from seeking out some more structured job opportunities! I'm not saying quit youtube by any means (I love this channel, please don't go haha) but it sounds like you need more purpose in your life, and a more structured job could offer you that! Start with what you like - look for video production company's that are hiring, or even look for internships where you can dip your feet in to something new! Having a schedule, being held accountable will give you that structure you are probably craving, and just don't know it! hope this helps! all the best, xo

I love when you open up to us. We're your internet family.

Tbh, it sounds like you need to go to school. You need more education in a specific field to branch out to what you want. You always talk about producing for others but nothing lasts long. That film degree you were doing. Maybe you already knew some of it from KZfaq, but ultimately completing it would give you a wider range of job opportunities.

I desperately relate to this. It's very hard to be creative and on display. Theres no breaks it feels like and everyone expects a constant flow. Self care is very important and necessary to thrive.

Sounds like you need some more structure in your day to day life. From what I understand a youtuber’s life is far from consistent. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting a “real” job or finishing your education. Yes they may be more mainstream routes but you’ve already proven to yourself that you can adapt to what’s non traditional. Honestly Monica trust your instincts. It’s not coincidental that these thoughts have been weighing on your mind lately. Love you and your content😘😍 best of luck Monica 💕💕💕🌼🌼

Yes!!! You’re so right. I started telling myself “I get to” instead of “I have to” and it makes all the difference. I really enjoy this series. You’re the bomb ❤️✨ keep working hard and living ur best life. 🔥🧡

I’d love to see you get a job, go back to school, or both. Nothing makes you focus on what you want more than having only a little time to do it.

I love this side of you, I love it when you’re honest with us♥️

Patagonia rain jackets (torrentshell) have little stiff visors on the hood! Definitely check it out it's a game changer!

Late at night is when I always attack myself. The last two nights I've been up until 5 a.m. You saying, "there's nothing I can change about it right now," is what I need to start telling myself, so thanks for sharing.

I've honestly felt like this all throughout my 20s. Now in my late 20s I am feeling more content in what I am doing. Just keep going :)

I really needed this right now. Even though we all have these doubts it is so easy to forget and feel isolated in it.

Come back to LA! I miss you!! Let’s chit chat life ❤️

Paul McCartney music in this video made me so happy.

Maybe since you’re feeling down about your KZfaq career, try working for a video production team for a company such as nascar, or start your own video production company

I LOVE your style of editing. It’s so perfect

Monica you are amazing! I love all your videos & vlogs. I really like your way of thinking... you’re right every time we doubt ourselves & we feel sad we need to replace the lies with truth! You’re an inspiration 😘

It’s soooo cool you are working with NASCAR! I love Nascar so much! Your jacket is so cool !

What you create matter so much to me ❤️

Thank you Monica for this vlog from a 54 year old older than dirt woman who is going through this and more. I have a better attitude to start the new week now thanks to this vlog. Hugs from Oklahoma.

You are so right, everyone feels kind of obsolete once in a while. I have been trying to find a second job and every time I get a "thanks for applying, but we are considering other applicants at this time" I feel like why don't they give me a chance to interview or test. I mean a piece of paper or in the case of computers a screen with info about past jobs can only reveal so much. I try really try hard to stay positive, but 17 applications and no interviews can really get a lady down. But in trying to shore up my self esteem I think, " It's ok Judy, the job that was meant for you is just another application away" but it is still kind of rough on the soul. You make a lot of us take a different perspective Monica, so thank you and just remember chin up woman, you do have an effect on a great deal of people. And I for one like what I hear and see when you post.

I feel like this all the time too. I recently launched my KZfaq channel and you were a huge inspiration behind me deciding to do this. Thanks for inspiring me & know that your vlogs are truly worth doing. You are inspiring people you have never even met, on a daily basis

I’m glad you were able to pick yourself up! Stay positive✨

thank you monica. going through one of those difficult times and watching this made me feel a bit better

From the bottom of my heart: thank you for this video Monica ❤️

I get to study for my midterms today. I'm grateful for that.

Thank you for being open with us Monica. I love you so much!

I really love how open you are with how you're feeling! I feel many of these same things and it makes me feel better when I see other people go through the same things!

I so understand that you get this feeling, but just remember how extremely happy you make people everytime that video uploads. I absolutely love how you're reflecting back on your day and analyzing it, you really have a talent at this. Keep going. Lots of love

I feel the same way all the time and then people try to give you advice but you don’t need advice! You just want someone to listen

I love your videos Monica! I’ll always support you! Keep them coming!

monica pull the strings around the hood to thighten it to your head llooks funky but won't fall off as much

This video is like the ol style monica videos I miss...The great music...the great message...its been a long time since Ive seen you do this kind of video...looking forward to MORE

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR A VIDEO ALL DAY!!!!

still so happy to see Indy through you. I'm glad you found somethings to do despite the rain!! (ps the beer trolley is BOMB af)

Thank you for the motivating speech! I often find myself in the same negative thought process and it becomes draining. I appreciate your positive attitude it's what we need more of in the world. :)

this video was so needed 💛

Awesome video! Thanks for sharing☺️👍

Hi Monica! I’ve just watched your new video and all I’m gonna say is that you should never be dissapointed with yourself! I’ve been watching your videos for the past 2-3 years and you’ve grown sooo much since then. Everyone has bad days but what makes you special is that you’re not afraid to share those sad moments with us. I know it might sound cheesy but you’re definitely my favourite vlogger. You’re one of a few influencers who are not afraid to get personal with their followers. Every single time that I watch your video I get soo mad with the amount of views your have. I wish more people would watch your videos cos I know that they would love them as much as I do. We all know how much work and effort you put into your videos. So just keep doing your own thing! I hope I’ll meet you one day and I’ll tell you this in person. Greetings from Poland Ewelina

I love this video....and I love that you are still doing videos on KZfaq! ❤❤❤

Your videos are such an inspiration!!! thanks for sharing I am literally on the same pathway and I am glad I came across your channel :D

Great video Monica. Thank you for sharing.

Excellent tips. It’s always good to gain a new perspective.

Hope you feel better Monica ! You are AMAZING 😎❤️

I think you know yourself pretty well. People are always good at offering advice but I think you’re the best person to know what you need to do and how to take the next step or change things up! You rock Monica and this helped me today ❤️ highly recommend you read Girl Wash Your Face, Rachel Hollis. I love you!

you encourage me every time monica! thank you!! & i love youuuu

Honestly needed this video so much right now ❤️

Please drop Merch!! You are literally my favorite youtuber 💜

I loved your advice!! Thanks Monica

Love the work put into this!

the north face windbreaker I have has a visor part but it’s not tight to my head like a hat 😂 but it does protect my face from the rain more than other jackets I have lol

So glad you checked out the City Market- I live near Indy and it’s one of my fav places to eat

Loved it. Thanks for the motivation.

I love you sooo much , Monica. Keep your head up , stay smiling!🤗💕

needed this. Thank you Monica

omg i needed this! thanks monica (:

I’ve watched you since you started and I’m a huge nascar fan you are living my dream girl

Thanks for sharing your struggle. I really need to change my have to get. You are right it does make a huge difference.

Cognitive distortions. Everyone deals with them. It's like battling your own brain. It sucks! I respect and admire that you're so honest about your mental state. I'm so passionate about mental health! :)

I can not believe that all these people tell you to get a more structured life by finding a job 😂😂 This is so wrong and shows that so many people just don’t know what they’re really talking about and just make “right” assumptions. Monica was having a mental breakdown. It’s so NOT rare! Everyone is going through this at times and especially if you have a more creative life, rather than a more “ structured “ one. What most people with regular jobs don’t understand because they have never experienced a creative life , is that you don’t ever look to find structure in a job, but you create it (!!) and this is why it’s so difficult at times and confuses so many content creators, artists etc because there are no rules... I’m having those mental breakdowns too. And this video helped me remind myself that other people are going through this too. Monica if you can’t solve this at the long run, seek help 😊

How many failed oatmeals does it take?

“Ok voice why did you do that” lol 😂 that was so funny

They make jackets like that already 😂

Loved this!!

LOL that oatmeal did not look like oatmeal

I love your edit style. Your videos are uniq! You should upload more videos!

I want your racing jacket! Omg 😍

love your videos dear monica

I enjoyed this, thanks. The positivity [+]

I love the have/get thing. It helps me so much. I just need to remember to do it.

I totally get the whole "Rain jackets should have hats attached" discussion. I said the same thing when i was at a festival in the pouring rain. But i guess most of those companies think that a drawstring is good enough to do the job.

love the fact that you used paul mccartney

ughhh, Monica!! I relate to this so much!!

Thank you for doing this!!! Inspiring yes yes yes

YES WE LOVE YOU MONICA!!!!!

Don’t worry Monica you the realist 👌🏼

Why didn’t you hang out with the girl who came with you?!

The good news is that jackets with visors do exist!! Also, you're so right about how to pick yourself up, but don't you think that when you have to pick yourself up daily/weekly, something isn't right? And that yes, you get to do all these cool things that sound and look exciting, but if they're not exciting to you anymore (which is completely fine! people change and need change sometimes) then maybe it's time to try something else, whether completely different or just a slight change in direction? Just some rambling from another girl in her millenial life crisis :)

Great editing babe

Your videos are definitely inspirational

North face rain jackets have a longer bill on top that fix that issue! Love min

Hey Mon, I was in Pompei last week and I swear I heard that they had food halls. So ...you are right. They had a meltdown too. Same old, same old eh? Keep going Kid.

I have a rain jacket from the brand Haglöfs that has a visor like you mentioned. You should look into it. I found mine used on ebay for 70. It's an excellent brand. :) Best of luck in finding new opportunities. It's good that you allow yourself to feel the weird emotions you feel because ultimately it will help you grow! :)

please make this jacket, Monica I am there for it!!!!

I would honestly love to see you go back to school or get a more structured job. KZfaq is great but I can see why you would feel the way you say you have been. I don’t make videos or anything, but I can see why working for KZfaq would make you feel like you could be doing more. I work for a nonprofit called Camfel Productions and we travel the country and present character development assemblies in schools. One of the topics we teach on is taking control of your life. If you don’t like the way your life is going at the moment, you have the power to change that. It sounds like you want to do more with the gifts and talents God has given you. You have so much to give and I would love to see you use those gifts out in the real world.

much love 💕

keep going just found your vlog and am addicted. You are so pretty and fun to watch. Keep it up! #stlouisiswatching

You need to just buy a better rain jacket. They have hood adjustments. The North Face, Arc’teryx, Patagonia are some good places to start looking.

NEEDED TO HEAR THIS

I was gonna say go to City Market.. they also have great Accai Bowls. I go there often..!

I just want to give you a great big hug

Macca sounding really good these days.

OMG WHAT’S THE SONG PLAYING AT THE INTRO OF THE VID?!?

The jackets with a visor actually do exist cause my mom has one 😂 also for the jacket you have you can try pulling the little strings on both sides and tying them into a bow in the front and it should stay on

*awh Monica I feel like school would help! I truly normally never say that to people, but I feel like some structure would help you!* love your rawness ⭐️ EDIT: also Jesus is a big one in how I mainly overcame my mental disorders. Ecclesiastes talks a lot on the overall vanity of life and on what really matters

Thank you.

They do already make the hat jackets

hahahahah "it honestly tastes like chicken" lmfao

PMA!!! Positive Mental Attitude! Learnt that from Jacksepticeye. 😊 And you’re right a lot of KZfaqr have been feeling the burn out. Everyone is different and everyone has different ways of dealing with that and kind putting themselves back on the positive train. Sean aka Jack took a couple weeks off of KZfaq & any social media to have time to himself and think. I mean he did a whole video on it but basically he was saying that he wasn’t feeling happy about making KZfaq videos and to him it felt like a chore and was t enjoying himself making videos; and he didn’t want to feel like that because he loves KZfaq and making content; and the way he made himself “better” is he goes to a psychologist (which you don’t have to be insane and “crazy” to see a psychologist) there just there to help you better understand certain situations and other things. Long story short, saying you change from having to get that is honestly amazing. That does change things so much. Have you thought about seeing a psychologist? Again you don’t need to be a mess or insane, from people I know that have seen a psychologist they think it really helps and it’s very interesting and fascinating. 😊. I love your content keep it up 😊

What else would you rather be doing Monica?