Being a highly sensitive person and an artist myself, I have to say that it's quite a challenge... I don't feel like a part of the society I am living in. I am not into making big and fast money, driving big cars or having affairs. I just wanna create beautiful things, make art, garden and I want to inspire and help people. However, I am always the weirdo or the dreamer... Maybe other people can relate to that?

Isn't it ironic, that the highly sensitive man is normally the man who is picked on and bullied, and they are the men that emotionally feel it the most. We are pushed to act like a 'tough guy' to be accepted, and by doing so we are giving into the fears of other people. To show true strength is to be loving and compassionate despite the misguided ideas of our culture.

I'm a highly sensitive woman and believe me, many women love to spend time with and date highly sensitive men. It's so refreshing when there's no big ego and to be with someone who really appreciates nature and beauty, etc. I feel a lot closer,emotionally, to a guy who feels safe enough to share how he really feels, authenticity brings trust and closeness. I hope this interview helps you embrace your sensitivity. Please never think that all women want to be around or date money chasing, loud, egotistical types...we don't x

when I see someone being intentionaly rude to a person, I get this sick feeling in my stomach. It disgusts me

I am a HSP, and I'm always torn between wanting to be private and connected to other people... I find most company very disappointing and consequently have to take care not to become too critical..

"Oh..you're just too sensitive!" If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that in my life.....

But when I finally asserted myself with women more, went in a bit harder, they fall in love with me hard. I don't have to take them out on expensive dates to impress them. I just talk to them deeply and they love it. I think being a HSP is a gift in disguise. It's harder for us to start relationships as we are less assertive, but once we get in one we are better equipped to understand the thoughts and feelings of our partner.

my life summary as an HSP man.. no friends last more than two years, No women interested in me as a potential lover, always being bullied in workplaces,, well the world seems to be the hell for me, but i'm sure when i'm dead , i will go to heaven as I believe that HSPs are the kindest kind of human beings.. not the others who are kind on faces but badmouth and evil purposing at back

My problem as an HSP male is that I fall in love quicker and much deeper than nearly all women, so I get extremely emotionally invested at an early stage, which leads to problems (I need attention from her, I act passively agressive at times, I suffer a lot in my mind and can't enjoy my hobbies, until I get confirmation about the relationship status). This always leads to me "fucking the situation up" in the very early stages of a relationship, ending with her turning away, telling me that I'm a great person, but she doesn't want a relationship with me. I'm 34 and this has led to major depression for me. I'm undergoing therapy, I'm traveling a lot, I got my hobbies, but all that doesn't give me what I really crave for, being in love and being in a relationship. Kissing a woman I love, in front aof a sunset, traveling together, her sleeping against my chest...those are the best memories of my life.

"There must be something wrong with me". Is how I felt for most of my life. I'm 28 and just learning about this. I've tried to repress so much of who I am because I felt like I didn't belong and even got bullied because I wanted to fit in. I don't say that for sympathy but simply because I'm so happy that my life and who I am has finally been validated. I'm overwhelmed with joy. ☺

"It takes the strength of a warrior to admit that you have emotional crisis, because men are taught never to admit that there's anything wrong."... That one hit home!!!

When my grandfather died, my father and I were the first people at the viewing. We stood stoically by the coffin. Suddenly, my father's shoulders shook and his voice quivered. "Is it okay if I feel like crying". I opened my arms to him, and his 6'4" frame bowed down, his face buried in my shoulder as he wept. He would never have displayed his feelings, had my mother not been delayed.

I am a highly sensitive person. Thank you for putting a name to this.

I definitely feel like I fit within the paradoxical group. I listen to pretty loud and aggressive music, like sports and play them, and have a certain amount of competitive drive. Being a fairly large and physical person and not afraid to show it, even as a child, saved me from a lot of bullying that other HSPs went through. I wasn't an easy mark. However I have always got the "don't be so sensitive" chide and felt a pressure and shame to draw in my more nuanced aspects. After a while people started calling me stoic, even though on the inside I felt completely the opposite!! I have the need for downtime. This woke me to the fact that I had grown my emotional shield so strong and impenetrable I was not living an authentic life. Videos and testimonials like this have certainly helped me come to terms with this and have given me the courage and conviction to live a more authentic and true life regardless of what the norms think!!

The world is such a brutal violent place.

I don't understand why people assume being a highly sensitive male equates to femininity or being Gay. It just doesn't make sense to me. Once you own who you are being a highly sensitive male makes me feel like a man. Now being an emotionally expressive male who uses his emotions as an excuse to not 'do the job' or fulfill masculine roles in their lives is absolutely not acceptable.

I'm an HSP and a gay guy. My soon-to-be ex narcissistic controlling husband described my softness as overly "wifely" for his liking (he was in a str8 marriage before, so he said he didn't want another wife). What I wanna say when you're straight they think you gay, when you're gay they think you woman. At this point in my life, it's just for good laughs.

I'm a HSP and Dr Zeff described me perfectly! I am also extremely introverted. Problem is I have gone my entire life being a sensitive (and hetero) introvert with nobody to talk to about it. :(

Some ladies like the funny, tough guys. Some, like me, like the thoughtful, sensitive, empathic type.

I actually enjoy boxing, as long as no one's seriously injured. I can't stand watching the news, even though I don't like burying my head in the sand. Growing up in western society, I've always had to bottle up my emotions. As as singer-songwriter, I get to express myself, but it would be nice if it was more accepting to express myself openly and honestly. Now I'm learning to embrace my sensitivities. Of course I won't make a scene, but bottling everything up has really taken a toll on my health. I hope people become more accepting of all HSP's.

I'm glad you mentioned, the speaking your truth. I'm a very honest person. I cannot stand lies. Also being sensitive and very quiet people do you think your gay which I absolutely hate, but is something I just have to put up with. I hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel and it'll all be worth it

In India, where i am from the sensitive men are considered as timid and cowards. they get ridiculed and bullied. I am surprisesd that in China and Thailand HSP's are considered as a good persons and accepted in the society. But very informative video. thank you

Speak your truth. Amen to that. I think I'm an HSP. Now I need to buy that book.

I"ve got the triple whammy...HSP, introversion, and shyness :)

You are not the only one. I'm 58 and single as a result. Being sensitive can be a heavy burden.

I so agree - HSPs are essential to the progress of civilization. We need to own that.

My parents moved me around a lot when I was a kid and being the new kid as a HSP is terrifying. I was always bullied and teased. But I also learned that when I got comfertable with poeple they really liked me and as my confidence grew I was one of the favorites in the group. Teachers liked me cos I had interesting things to say. I struggled with women as I did act in a softer more thoughtful way and they seemed to think this was fumy and would tease me or not take me seriously.

I like this guy. I like his pragmatic (and sensitive!) approach. More and more I realize that a certain pragmatism is needed. Accept your finely-tuned nervous system and try to give yourself what you need to keep it relatively calm, whilst still 'living your life'. There is no need to feel silly about your needs or particularly defend them to anyone. We're dealing with an orientation, and a pretty nifty one at that once you embrace it for all the beauty it has to offer.

The easiest thing in the world to do is to hurt others, being kind is difficult, and takes will power. Although sensitives can have a tendency to display a pseudo kindness in order to avoid confrontation. Which can lead to a resentment towards people in general, since most people don't try to be polite even when they are feeling angry or irritated for whatever reason.

I always kinda knew, but tried to deny this about myself, my whole life. Setting boundaries and being assertive have always been my biggest struggles. I've been teased a lot, and lots of people assume I'm gay even though I'm not. Now I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to embrace and accept my gifts, and my authentic self, and trying more to allow myself to be seen and accepted by others. I put "sensitive" and "thinks and feels deeply" on my profile at work, along with a picture of me playing guitar wearing nail polish. That's just me, and we all have to accept it!

I feel and understand emotions in a deep level already since I was a child I was the one who helped out everyone and made sure no one was fighting. If there were problems between other children I was the one who solved them because I had than already developed a high understanding of justice (from a third perspective view) most children learn this way of seeing the world when they get into puberty... anyway i'm pretty much always good in controlling my emotions because I mastered them. Now the downside comes. I see people how they think inside. I see the masks that people put on them. I see problems people endure they are ignorant over... and I can't help them, because if I say something they will get mad on me for judging them, but actually I only try to worn them for their own ignorance of not understanding themselves and others... so I just act like I don't have this ability like everyone else... It's eating me...

we are kind, helpful and generous and go out of the way to help others in work place. But then Non HSP ppl misuse our kindness and helpful nature.

I'm from holland, I am hsp, and you did very good research. Thanks for this video!

it took me a long time to realize that this was the difference i had to a lot of my peers. i dont feel alone anymore, which is great!

Please fix this problem, America.

I've only just recently looked into the science behind this, and I knew before I got through the first sentence that I was HSP. It makes so much sense out of how I've felt my entire life. It makes sense that when people say hurtful or threatening things to me, its as though they have physically hit me, and the world around me just depresses me and makes me feel anxious to no end. I always thought I was genetically inferior, the runt of the litter.

In my experience, I have not become less sensitive with age, quite the contrary, actually. However, I do now understand myself better and how to differentiate my own energy/thoughts/emotions from others. I also understand how to release any any energies I pick up that do not serve me. This makes life much more comfortable, allowing me to avoid that constant "raw" feeling. Perhaps this is part of why you feel "less HSP" at 43.

I was a highly sensitive boy beaten down by the world.. Now I'm a 40 yr old recluse....

thank you for saying some sensitive men are different. it’s annoying to feel ostracized even more when i listen to HSP thought leaders who leave me out constantly. i am not only HSP but i was abused as a kid so i have a broken person lashing out about me. i agonize over the pain i can cause people. i have never and would never physically hurt somebody but i am loud and blow up at least three or four times a year and i have a reputation for it. it makes people avoid me and it makes me want to commit suicide because i honestly think that i can’t be offering up a net gain to the world in emotional goodness. there’s a spectrum of hsps and all i ever hear is that there’s one type. i find it weird when hsps describe people like this with disregard to what that does to us outsiders too. i am gay too, and grew up with a dad who called me too sensitive so i even have something of a disgust with myself about being sensitive

I am 21 years old and have always felt disconnected to society in a way. I grew up with a single mother which i think is the cause to my sensitivity. I feel i have alot of the feminine energy in me and there’s my problem. My father is not a good role model because he isnt able to sustain himself and is pretty feminine himself. At high school I started isolating myself and have been feeling depressed ever since. I’ve tried to take my own life once and it would work if i’ve just cut myself deeper. This was not a call for attention, i really tried but i passed out and next thing i was in an ambulance. I just couldn’t see myself as a happy person. I felt too bad and weak for society’s expectations. I can just feel the hidden mockery of other men. I’m still in deep depression because i just don’t want to be the weak man, living in a machavelian society! I had not found any people i can relate to until I saw the comments on this video. Just want to say I admire the sensitive people who has the courage to be themselves! Cheers

A lot of women do want men like this. However, most if not all women want someone mentally strong and capable too. If you manage to turn your sensitivity into a gift and a source of strength, then this is very attractive.... problem is that this is very, very much easier said than done. Especially for those HSP men with poor childhoods.

Totally. Most of all, I for one, appreciate a man who is authentic - not one who thinks he must be a certain way to fit in, but one who appreciates himself, accepting his sensitivity, his abillity to grow, his strengths and his masculinity. We all have to work at being authentic, and not pretending to be something we're not. But it's so, so worth it!!!

I am a HS man and I was a HS child. I found myself having headaches and migraines all the time in school. I honestly think its because HSP's think about so much all day long and when your in school there isnt a private dark room you can retrieve to. It was rough but thank god I'm done with it.

i m suffering HSP since early childhood but onky now is aware of this condition

I'm a very hsp male. I don't like noises, crowds, mean people, loud people. People who say vicious things. I get frustrated and cry easily. I hate being around men.

Had it beaten out of me, and punished into submission, it wasn’t successful. I’m a highly creative, intuitive man, living an artists life. No one would be my friend as a child, but that’s ok. I’ve found my own path. I had a highly abusive mother and absent father, layered in being gay and growing up in rural Canada. Wow, totally planned out some hard lessons to overcome. But I love myself now, and it’s easier to be loving to others when it’s all sorted through. But I feel everything, see everything, and hear everything. I can barely function sometimes, unless in nature.

I am French, highly sensitive and born in 1961. Same macho culture than you describe. I may not descend from people who migrated to America when it was tough to do so, but we had two world wars passing by on our soil...

I guess we are. I feel lack of self-confident after having along relationship with a girl that I thought it was based on love while it was only one-side love . As I high sensitive person, this experience really effected me

Someones intonation in a greeting can ruin me for hours

The documentary "Sensitive The Untold Story" is out! Here it is: sensitivethemovie.com

Thanks for doing this work, Ted. As an HSP and tender man there are few male friends I have met to share this side with and I'm looking to meet more.

So much good information. I am learning to understand and accept myself and I thank David every day for having talked about this thing called HSP.

carryclass, I hear you & with my limited knowledge of the English language I still think I get what you're trying to say. To be an HSP is not the same as being overly sensitive or neurotic, it's more like being finely tuned into experiences & events in life & to other people. I've come across people that've claimed they were HSP:s but as I've noticed their behaviours I've realized their need to manipulate others to get what they need, like sympathy & attention etc.. That is not how I experience it to be, to have this HSP. To have HSP doesn't make us into something to correct, but there are mental tools for learning to handle it. It doesn't make us better nor does it make us worse than others. Just slightly different. Just like we all are since humanity consists of individuals.

What an incredibly informative video. And this man made such an important statement about gay men-how most are NOT HSP. So true. Being gay does not equate having high sensitivity. I know from experience.

I am male HSP And I am masculine I would be a particularly skilled and intuitive hunter I am energetic - still I relax a lot

Thank Alot! really comforting to know you arent alone

i guess there's a connection between keirseys description of the idealist (NF) temperament as being "oversensitive" (Please Understand Me II, p. 119), Helen Fisher talking about the "negotiator" ('idealist' in keirsey's term) using the term "hypersensitivity" on her slide at 37:00 (in her talk on youtube 'This is Your Brain on Love') and the concept of HS.

I am a gay man and I am a highly sensitive listening to you describe growing up was very accurate also the love of my love personally of music fine art nature. The Love of animals there's also a very intense emotion. growing up was very tough I felt the anger of society as well as my family that for me that I was gay I had to cover it up and it did not go well it involved shaving my head and just tattoos and lots of cigarettes it just was not fun I accept myself now and I love myself but I had to cut out a lot of toxic people in my life. I did go to many clubs and bars in my twenties mostly to get away from my toxic family and when I went I was still very introverted I got along more with older men because I felt that they were more sponged in with the world meaning been there longer than just being a carefree spirit. Also there was a lot of toxic issues with working in a family business for 25 years which I'm no longer a part of for about 5 years. And that became a toxic nightmare my sister was very abusive had such hatred towards me and my father who was ashamed of me being gay was so fake and unloving and an omiter. I'm at a corporate company now ups and I'm very guarded as to keeping my personal life personal my name is Robert by the way and I just discovered your videos

Thanks for creating this, and helping spread awareness of the HSP trait.

As he said HSPs are not necessarily more altruistic than non HSPs. That's very important. It's not because you got shat on your whole life that you are a better person. Like ghandi says: "the mouse isn't less violent because it gets eaten by the cat." a lot of HSPs are energy vampires too!! I'm HSP myself. It's neither good nor bad

We are a luxury breed only catered for by civility and advancements in medication. HSP didnt exist 35, 000 yrs ago. We were all savages, any trace of sensitivity was weeded out darwinianingly so. Now that we are civil we can exist, but still badly. We look at humans impulsively trying to get their share, mindlessly ambitious to do whats expected of them - house, car, kids, holidays, netflix and retirement. I remember looking at the evolution of man chart, from ape to man and thinking in reality ppl are the man between the second last and the last, HSP being the most evolved. I say this not in terms of intellect, but in terms of the residual savage nature that still exists - dominance, adherence to cultural norms, lies, deceit for ones own gain, intolerance of what is different, all animalistic. We are a luxury breed that, perhaps 1/10,000 ppl produce something that can truly inspire humanity in some form, the rest of us have to learn to ride the tide of humanities lack of self-awareness and residual savagery and hunger for power.

It's common in Welsh history and culture for men to be creative and sensitive. Welsh harpists and poets were always traditionally male. The pibgorn is a Welsh hornpipe that is still almost never played by women and there are still some Welsh clog dances that only men are allowed to do and we have a tradition of male voice choirs. I love that these traditions have stayed. The only thing is that since the Welsh people started being influenced by other British cultures, it's now seen as wussy by most people for a man to play the harp.

I believe that HSP's are essential to the progress of civilization. In the more peaceful times when HSP's were given the security and time to pursue their curiosity we get phenomenons like the renaissance.

This is the core wound of so many problems in the world today 😥🤗

This has been my theory, too. "Tough Pioneer Culture". Still affects our culture today.

In some circles showing compassion for others is seen as weakness. I can handle it so they should be able to as well.

i agree, sensitive and strong are not mutually exclusive traits. :)

Our sense of Imagination to me is the most rewarding aspect of an HSP !!! So people can call.me whatever they want, but nothing beats the wonder and intrigue that I'm fortunate enough to ponder

I cannot properly express how incredibly wonderful all this info is. So many things that suddenly make a lot of sense to me, where before, I thought something was off about me. It's also rather shocking in a different way, because it makes me realize how insane this society really is with its "cultural rules of nonsense".

About the "Sensitive men who like to hunt"--how is the sensitivity being measured? A test? Self-report? Or do they like to hunt because of their upbringing and conditioning? If one tears up at a concert and also likes to shoot animals, they are still "sensitive"?

Great interview

Interesting, i believe we in America have been following a path that is extremely difficult for male's,and that starts when we're born when we are taken away from our mother's to have our genitals mutilated, which i firmly believe has a lifelong emotional as well as physical effect on all male's that this happens too. What are your thoughts? I believe this practice not only effects the male but everyone he has interactions with.

How do you define "sensitive"? is it the physical 5 Senses- as you mentioned heightened hearing? or on the Emotional/ intuitive level as in having a gentle heart? or both? We can't move on with the discussion without defining this, i feel

Thank you so much for uploading this. It helped so much.

It definately a bit different here in Scandinavia. When watching US media, movies and culture it sometimes seems like a parody of manliness is being played out, but what do we know who decended from Vikings?

it is also called the John Wayne syndrome (from the 50's) ie men are men and such

I'm curious if HSP are in general more intelligent. I'd guess yes.

do you feel that an HSP child can turn out to be Less HSP as they age? I was a HSP as a kid and through counseling and aging ( im 43 now) and life experiences I feel less HSP now.

I remember being in band in high school, and being disappointed with how I could only play certain instruments or I'd damage my reputation.

Very helpful thanks for posting

My dad was an HSP and my nmom spoiled his life. I wish this was know a lot earlier, things would have been easier for him and me.

@TheSpazModic Speaking as an HS woman, I find HS men who are comfortable with who they are far more interesting and likable, as a general rule, than the other 80%. HS men walk to a softer drum, and that's very nice.

I'm HSP and I realized what(sounds) who(toxic people,violent,bragging arrogant ignorants) bothers me the most after I recovered from burnout.So if you are man nobody gives a f*ck and people will shame you,humiliate you particualrly if you are surrounded with depressive,lazy,narcisstic and psychopaths.Even female doctors commented What kind of a man are you and blamed my anxious nature for everything.At he end I found their medication messed me up and lowered my blood pressure a lot.I tried to cheer and motivate my depressive and lazy friends,but they enjoyed the most when i was in severe depression,including my narcisstic father.I gave up from some people and I'm focused towards my artistic goals I'm passioned for.After burnout many people including my family blamed my passion for art.So I self-hatred myself for 1 year and I was very unhealthy.I also quit with doing art which today I know helps me against anxiety and makes me happy.I learned my lesson,so I don't talk with mediocre people,family about my job anymore.I have innate talent,photographic memory,so I learned about computers pretty quick,now I use video tutorials to learn new artistic skills.I'm also good and I like to compete in sports like basketball,soccer and volleyball and it's a stress relief for me.Not professional but recreational.I also like to exercise which with healthy food helped me to recover.I was hardworker before and I was unhappy.I had no goals,so I went to work to not to be criticized by my neurotic parents,for being lazy at home.When I started to question my carpenter enterprenuer how and why we are doing like this and he said me with anger on his face "Because I say soo".Since then I saw I don't belong there anymore,but I worked with them to collect money to buy me my first computer.Sometimes we have to work what we don't like,so we can get what we need for our real goals.Nowdays kids are lucky,so parents buy them computers.My narcissistic naysayer father was and always will be against computers,my artistic passion and he will always diminish my big artistic successes because I didn't listened to him and became a wallpainter like him.When I had an interview on local TV,suddenly ,my father started to paint.Then when I was weak he manipulated with me,so nobody could put a shadow on his spotlight.I don't like envy and jealous people and when I sense it from other people,but it's part of the life.Being HSP among toxic people is hell on earth.

Sounds as if read the book of my life. So describes me, except the gay part. Even when I was a kid I realized I was not 'tough enough' to hang with the other boys. I would not wish my life upon on any one. Currently I am focusing on the good side of being myself, but the bad stuff seems to have won out overall. I truly believe we represent the future, as we humans move away from our knuckel dragging past.

@lolp821 I'm the same way, the worlds problems is so overwhelming sometimes, I've learned to shut it off and give my mind a vacation from the chaos which allows me to be a better functioning hsp-empath, I now know I have a leg up on the majority because I have a beautiful ability that positive reinforcement alone changed so much in my life!

I also believe in the prehistoric past HSP men would use their ability to hunt.

EVERY man thinks he must be a certain way to fit in. You can't get rid of society's pressure by simple disbelief, even billionaires have hired people that work on their images and acceptance.

Now that I know that I have HSP everything falls into the right place. Everything I was struggeling with had a reason. Over time I came up with a lot of coping strategies. I remember when I was a Kid I gave up wanting to be "normal" and that helped a lot, I allowed myself to be different. Find other HPS to talk to is a good advice too I think you need at least one person that understands your sensitive concerns.Its supposed to be inherited so chances are that someone from your family has it too.

Sexuality has nothing to do with thought patterns or behaviours, the most hardened tough guy in the world could be gay. You know yourself just by what you are attracted to and which you wouldn't touch in a million years, a masculine or a feminine figure. I'm straight and It's feminine for me, I find the masculine figure to be replusive personally. I wish I could turn it off the spiritual side as well, it's like I care about fixing the worlds problems more than I care for myself.

Thank you :)

I am a HS man, and before that, a HS child. Speaking for myself, learning about the HSP concept has been interesting, but not very practical or proactive. I am convinced that this trait has a net negative effect on the lives of men. I am not a negative person, but I wouldn't wish this trait on my worst enemy.

For all HSP people. You NEED to Learn to say NO, to create boundaries!

This is good!! American society is BRUTAL for HSP boys and men

I'm a HSP person thank you

Having a finely tuned nervous system makes you a Highly Sensitive Person...We need to accept people for who they are, and what they have to offer on many levels. HSP's have alot of positive traits that anyone would love to possess. HSP's also need to be easier on themselves...I know because I am a proud HSP!

@Shari225 Indeed I have gotten positive feedback from many women. But it seems to me that some of the traits of HS people may be regarded as feminine traits, so you can imagine the interpersonal problems that may occur with many women and men. And then there are the sensory issues--being hypersensitive to so much sensory info that really isn't meaningful, and it can't be switched off. To end on a positive note, my quiet time in nature is almost too enjoyable to put into words.

I can relate to that with my childhood especially as well that I'm an only child. Every kid I was around was an asshole with the exception of two who were more than likely similar to me. I learned early that being bad was wrong and growing up in a Grammar School my whole life made it all that much worse. I learned to just sit there and keep quiet to stop people/teachers shouting at me, of course that made it worse like I was ignoring them or being arrogant. The world sucks and I can't accept it.

HSPs absorb and process everything more deeply, as Dr Elaine described. So HSPs with poor childhoods are more negatively affected, just as HSPs with good childhoods are more positively affected. So high sensitivity doesn't necessarily equate weakness or less "tough". A HSP and non-HSP may also have the issue of not understanding one another on the most basic level. Though of course, both HSPs will have their own set of issues... but not necessarily or even often what you describe

Don't know about the early attributes, but the final couple you list certainly strike as being highly sensitive attributes for sure!! Look up Elaine Aron and Highly Sensitive Person on the internet, there is some great stuff there. Also Ted Zeff's own books on High Sensitivity and coping with it. :)

I'm a highly sensitive guy it really killing me. I have lost my closest friend(she) because of that. She doesn't want to be my friend no more. 😭😭😭😭😭