What do you guys think about Dr. K's stories from his experience as a therapist and psychiatrist? Let me know what you think!

Bad parenting is by far one of the most underrated problems in our society.

My parents will hit me with "You will thank me later once you are grown up." They cannot see a future where I am unhappy with the decision that they made for me.

“Don’t argue with someone committed to misunderstanding you”

My parents always told me "as long as you sleep under this roof you'll live under my rules." So instead I slept on the roof. Problem solved.

So basically... you need to be the parent of your parents, by guiding them slowly as if they're some teenagers in rebellious phase... LMAO, thats funny and sad at the same time

I once said to my Dad: "Can't we have a reasonable discussion like two adults who see eye to eye? We both have the same rights, we are both equal human beings." He replied: "No, you don't have human rights, you only have daughter rights." I am a western woman in my 30's.

The other people in the comment section: "just wait it out till you're 18" meanwhile I'm sitting in a room I'm renting out off of welfare, at 16, because my family was abusive and the children's aid society determined that I was better off out of there by myself. I agree with them.

"They wanted a robot for a son". This feels too much like the real thing

dr k's lush beatiful hair blowin in the wind is all the therapy i need

A lot of people really need to understand that to have interactions like this, you need to be mostly independent

"You being upset by the injustice, doesn't actually, by itself, change the injustice. [...] This is something I know is confusing to the internet." By far my favorite moment of the video.

Had a conversation like this with my parents and they called me mentally ill and a sociopath… I eventually cut them off

im 33 years old and im convinced the 2 generations above me were raised horribly, and are a big part of most issues in the world, especially actual baby boomers

I really don't understand parents sometimes. It's like making your way through a maze avoiding mines and if you step on a mine your parents get mad at you.

Parenting ain’t build-a-bear, you don’t get to design your kid and beat/abuse/blame them for not being whatever your ego needs them to be.

i liked the bit about "how they treated you is sowing the karmic seeds for how you treat them" my parents seem to have completely forgotten about the seeds they planted in the terrible way they interacted with me in middle / high school, and keep wondering why i don't want to be around them as a college student.

I had an Indian friend in college who's parents were very controlling. They forced her into computer engineering bc that's what her dad did, and they refused to let her date bc they wanted to arrange her marriage as theirs was arranged. She suffered with severe anxiety and depression and had really stunted social skills and I have no doubt that her parents have almost everything to do with that. It's a very sad situation.

This sounds like a genuinely good advice in most cases. When you're dealing with an extremely fragile ego even the most calm, collected and thoughtful question like that might cause an absolute meltdown.

@20:04 this really does work. I have a very controlling mom & when I moved out I realized that when she started making me uncomfortable I could just leave. So I did. Every time I would visit, if she made me uncomfortable (usually it was her screaming about various things), I would tell her that I didn't want to be there any more and I would go home. It took a few times, but eventually she got the picture and it stopped It was really hard at first because I have younger siblings that still lived with her at the time and I didn't want to make things worse for them, but once I started setting boundaries for myself it actually made it easier for them to do the same

when I point out times my parents said or did things that hurt me, my mom usually says something along the lines of "You're remembering that wrong"

Unfortunately a lot of these situations require a decent amount of financial independence which in todays world in a lot of places is very hard to achieve at the age where these issues really start to affect most people, but other than that this is amazing

"Parents who don't respect boundaries and doesn't give the kids autonomy and choices." Well you might as well have said Asian household lmao

Dr.k "Make them think, and do not threaten them" Dr.k explaining example "If you continue to be like this... *Clocking the Glock* I'm not so sure that I want you to be in my life"

All I heard when my mom said that she pays the bills so she gets control was that I needed to pay bills asap so she could no longer have a say...which is exactly what happened. The literal second I was paying for all my own things...she had nothing and just got laughed at when trying to control me at 17. I had become a manager at a pizza place, owned my car, owned my phone, everything. She told me I couldn't just be out until 2am (I was at waffle house, it wasn't like I was doing drugs or anything) and I just laughed at her and asked if she was going to ground me and how she was going to do that when I own all my stuff. Don't make rules you don't want used against you

That indian kid in the beginning handled it very professionally. If it was someone else, he would have absolutely raged when his mom unplugged the PC. Respect +

“Inviting them to think” is unfortunately interpreted as threat. How dare I invite them to think?😀 My mum quickly spirals into blame, making me feel quilty, grandiose self-pity and practical punishments - cutting my support etc. There is always that one person that is better than me she can point to in a given narrow area and make me feel ashamed. This person studies better. That one already has kids (and dropped out). This other person works part time to earn money while studying. (and studies easy school and parents gave him own flat at 18yo). Seems that as long as I’m powerless, it’s better to play along. Unfortunately the meddling and not respecting boundaries gets worse and it cripples my ability to finish med school, which requires long stretches of focus and strict daily planning of my own, which inevitably gets heavily, heavily interrupted by unimportant BS. This in turn makes me bitter, hopeless, anxious, ashamed and even more controlable. Because their “objective” arguments about me being piece of shit are kinda true, right? They are the biggest supporters of the “you are falling behind” theory I should work so hard to get rid of, lol. It’s almost as if they think me feeling really ashamed is what will cause me to finally “man up” and “be motivated”. They started the “you haven’t given us grandchildren yet, wtf” debate on their own. It’s a bit unfortunate power struggle to say the least.

When you have a parent that takes everything personally the conclusion you make as a child is that you are a burden

disowning my parents was probably the best decision I ever made

I accepted how my parents are, found a job and moving out in the next month after my 1st month pay.

I once did not call my parents on a regular basis in college (I was paying half my tuition but my parents paid for my car and the other half of tuition). I didn’t call them for 2 weeks and they never contacted me. They didn’t visit me at college even once. They find out I’m visiting a friend 1 hour away for the weekend to work on a project. They call me, tell me they’ve never been so disappointed in their lives, threaten to take away the car if i don’t call them more often. I cried my eyes out in my friend’s basement that day. How would I feel loved at all? They never contacted me and wanted me to read their minds. Next thing you know they call me and say they will no longer be helping with my tuition. I say okay, I’ll take out a loan. They were shocked I was okay with that. They used everything they could to control me. Why on earth would I call them after that or want any relationship with them? I had to become financially independent before we could have a relationship. Otherwise I could barely live.

Before I was 18 it was "until you are 18..." then it was "you live in my house" - since I moved out things have gotten much better. Great video.

All this advice assumes that parents are willing to listen to their child. What about parents that do not pay attention to the child's questions, or outright dismiss them, because they "know better"? As useful as this advice was, and as interesting as the stories were, they do not portray the majority of the problems. Most people I know whose parents are extremely controlling / narcissistic are people with parents that never listen to them / never pay attention to them, so said people never do anything cause they deem it a waste of time (and rightfully so) . Any advice for such occasions? I hate seeing people whose potential for growth is squandered because of their parents.

This is fucking hard. I don't know if I'll ever be able to have that kind of a conversation. Dr. K says my leverage is my memory, but it's my biggest flaw. With my history in childhood I've developed a mechanism to forget. So I can't even argument what happened in the past...

Dr K has that dad and chad energy simultaneously

My grandmother has been the entitled parent to my mother. I can tell you that the whole thing where the entitled parent finally says "What can I do to respect your boundaries?" has never happened. Whenever she was backed into a corner she just burst into tears.

Holy shit, just thinking about talking to my dad like this. I feel like I can feel his blood pressure rising.

what if they bring up stuff like, "you dont appreciate stuff we've done for you all these years" "the sacrifice we took to raise you, such and such" stuff like that.

"Outrage does not make the world a better place" Thank you, sir.

Whenever I make my dad realize a mistake he made and how hurtful it was for the entire family, he goes completely silent, doesn't talk to anyone for a couple of days. Then, he comes back and acts as if nothing happened and we let it slide. This has been happening for too fucking long. I feel like it is impossible to make some people learn, they are just here to hurt you. They realize the mistakes, yet they never change because changing would mean that they have to treat the family members as equal and my father does not want to lose the position of superiority.

that one guy in the comments "I needed to hear this 12 years ago". Same brother, same ...

According to some professors in the new age, the most addictive type of narcissistic behavior is attack/devalue/discard style. It's more addictive than cocaine. You attack the child (criticize), you devalue them (I'm the parent I'm infinity times you!), then you discard them (ignore or such) if they have anything to say after. It's the same process schoolyard bullies use.

The hardest thing to remember is to not expect this advice (or any advice) to fix the situation. Nothing will fix the situation. The only thing we can do is navigate the situation in a way that is most optimal for our own mental health. The only justice I will ever taste is the secure knowledge that I’d rather be me than either of them.

There's a clear difference between strict parents and bad parents. There are strict parents who are good and strict parents who are bad, like my father who was extremely strict and an alcoholic

I mean, growing up i knew my dad wasn't a good parent and neither was my mom. They were controlling as hell. I could never do right, i would always get spanked for random reasons and everyone was "because i said so" instead of being explained. I felt i couldn't do anything right ever. My mom has since apologized for being a bad mom when i bring up my rough ass childhood. My dad is in denial that I was ever mistreated. And I guess it's safe to say that's why they divorced this year after 30 years because when I could no longer be bossed around as a kid, my dad started bossing and controlling my mom which is why she left him. My moment of awakening and realizing that this wasn't the way kids should be treated was very early. I became aware of it at the age of 7 that i would never treat my kids this way when i become a father some day. Rough shit.

Even when I was growing up, I've always observed that parents are abusive by nature because of how much power they wield. Most parents don't know how to control that kind of power and become low-key abusive. I came to this epiphany in junior high when I owned a cat. I said to myself "holy shit, I can COMPLETELY control if this cat survives or not; if I don't feed it or give it water and keep it in the house, it'll eventually die. Damn." I was 13 or so at the time. Don't worry, I didn't entertain that. I made sure to take care of my cat. But that observation DID cross my mind back then. Don't think many parents see it that way. At all. They just get too excited to start a family or like Dr. K says their own upbringing gets them to project their own pain onto their kids.

The best thing you can ever do is become financially independent and MOVE THE FREAK OUT. Tell your parents to peace out and do what you want. Doesn't have to be emotional. Doesnt have to be dramatic. Just has to be fast. Take care of yourself.

Lol my mum would literally just start attacking and threatening me if I were to ever question our relationship, how decisions are made, what might happen when I get independence etc. Mine expects me to stay forever, get married (to someone she can control) and have kids which she'll look after while I work. She would purposefully sabotage me/ put obstacles in my way to ensure I don't gain independence. In cases like these, the only option is to leave. Trying to get parents like this to understand is pointless and it's better to not discuss the future. With time, they will either stop trying to be controlling if they really value the relationship, or you'll need to stop talking to them entirely.

I have an experience with an Asian parent re: the chat comments about how there can be a language barrier with these parents. These concepts can be translated, and they do exist within our communities and language, it was that my parents literally faked not being able to understand me to avoid the emotional work, also feigned amnesia or forgetting abuse to gaslight was a particular technique.

There’s not enough people talking about how dire the bad parents issue is today. My parents came from the “kids should be seen and not heard” generation, which has always struck me as DEEPLY problematic.

One of the biggest issues in these kinds of relationships is that things often only get "resolved" when power becomes at least somewhat even. It usually becomes a "game" of holding on, letting go, and trying to stomach how things are.

Uhhhh all of this sounds veeery familiar. :/ Unfortunately, asking parents about power dynamics and respecting opions just ended up in parents even further pushing their entitlement. ...so I left.

As a son with an explosive temper with a father with an explosive temper, this is gonna be hard. We clashed SO much over the years because I just learned that without exploding, my stance won't be respected. I used covid as an excuse to not come home for christmas last year. I think I'll be honest next time though - this video ended up being a really good pointer. It also FINALLY explains why I only (and I mean ONLY) explode when clashing with my father. Any other argument, with any other person or friend, I can be as calm and measured as necessary. It's just him. And I think this stuff about boundaries is exactly why. Because he's very authoritarian and I only ever learned to explode to stand up to that.

Problems with entitled/narcissistic parents will continue indefinitely. I’m a 28 year-old grown man living an independent life in a different state from where I grew up. We all went to a cousin’s wedding, and I went solo. My parents tried to drag me through the mud for “abandoning” the event because after the dancing started post-dinner/speeches/etc, I was done drinking, didn’t want to dance, and wanted to go to sleep because I had a 14-hour drive the next day. I had talked to everyone that weekend, and said my goodbyes to the bride/groom. But my parents were mad that I didn’t text *them* that I left the party. They said “but we were concerned because we’re your parents” - maybe that would matter if I was 14! Entitled/narcissist parents don’t know how to transition into the “post-parenting” stage of life and fall back on that role to excuse improper behavior

Wow that whole "I'm not going home because you don't respect my boundaries" conversation went pretty smoothly. If I tried to do that to my parents, they'd just get angry at me by either calling me ungrateful or unreasonable. No attempts at civil conversation, only rage and guilt-tripping. I've found that it's often more effective to just ignore them.

If my parents where that controlling (The story Dr. K told) i'd cut contact with these people at the drop of a hat when i became an adult. This naive way of thinking that you can path-up a relationship with toxic parents that did so much harm during your childhood years is just low-key infuriating. Blood relations etc means absolutely nothing and people should view family members the same way they view friends and act accordingly.

I really want to see an interview with an entitled parent where some of these conversations happen. It seems so impossible to navigate for somebody who is young and dependent and at the hands of somebody who easily resorts to physical violence.

Sometimes, people who get high off of having the advantage in a power dynamic choose to become parents. It's... human nature to want power, and one of the easiest ways is to be a parent to someone who will be absolutely dependent on you. I see some people in Twitch chat were stating how sometimes parents can come across as entitled or controlling when they actually are doing the right thing. To that - I say that still there needs to be a proper amount of communication and understanding between parent and child, no matter how young, to establish TRUST between parent and child. Most of us would be surprised how even the youngest of children can on some level understand what's the "right thing" to do, and would be even easier to do this moving forward the earlier you start as a parent. If you set up the expectation that you're doing this for the right reasons, the child will naturally be more inclined to actually listen.

This seems like a lot of work. Moving away and letting time decay their comfort in demanding things from me seems better

"Our people don't do that!!" Some cultures need to lighten up.

"Well what can I do to fix this?" you didn't listen for 20+ years, why should I expect you to start listening now? Sounds like you care more about your relationship with my kids more than yours.

The problem with the "I have more exp in life" argument is that it isn't wrong, they do have more exp, and usually (or at least for me) 10 years later I realized they were indeed right about a lot of the things I thought were bs. It's just that if that argument is used too much by parents it undermines the autonomy of the child to learn those things by itself.

"You have to listen to us we're financially supporting you" "Ok so if I'm understanding the relationship correctly, when you're older you're gonna expect me to financially support you, does that mean you'll have to listen to everything I say then? Are you raising a slave or a child?"

This is hilarious. This is literally what I did to my mum without realizing what I was doing. I can't believe I got there. It was so hard and so painful for both of us and actually took YEARS. Maybe if I'd had Dr K guiding me, it would've taken less time and been a lot less awful.

So in other words, once their actions have consequences, they don't wanna be the big meany anymore yep saw this coming

I accidentally did this with my mom. She always powerplayed, "once you have studies, once you're over 18, as long as you are in my house" and when I grew tired of it I asked what her expectations were and in a discussion I said I would turn out like my uncle (her brother) who didn't talk to grandpa for years after he cut the dependency from my grandparents and their powerplay ended. At the time she raged hard but later on I feel like she got much different.

I moved out as soon as I got my first job after college, which was more than 5 years ago. My parents now use a 'How much you owe me' card to manipulate me. They spent so much money and time to raise me, so they still feel entitled. The hardest part for me is letting it go. I could just say no and they can be 'disappointed' all they want, but I guess I still seek for their approval and love. They even want me to move back now. They must've had so much fun going through my room and my phone, reading my texts and diary when I was living with them🤷‍♀️

Oof this video has shown me that I need vastly more practice laying and particularly sticking to my boundaries with my family, especially my parents. Although my parents aren't full entitled and have changed a good deal as time has gone on, there's definitely tendencies that keep popping up and I keep giving them the benefit of the doubt only to get burned later.

As a 30 year old who has completely cut my father off for the last six months unexpectedly (my mom has been cut off for years and will probably stay that way), this is immensely helpful. I've been wanting to at least give him the decency of an explanation why. I have been putting it off for longer than I have intended, because I knew I'd get emotional explaining my reasons, if I wasn't cut off in defense and have the whole conversation unravel. This gives SUCH a good breakdown and outline into how I can approach it. Part of my apprehension is knowing just because I can explain it, doesn't mean anything will change. 18 years of being lied to, gaslit, shamed, and disrespected no matter what I did, is not so easy to just unlearn, especially considering they wouldn't be doing this for themselves. I get so frustrated with the "gee, I didn't know...", playing dumb card, I think instead of trying to convince them and explain things, asking what they took from what I said will be a very powerful tool that will save me a lot of frustration. Dr k you're top tier!

God I'd have preferred this video without the chat. People in the chat really thinking they know everyone's situation "Oh you're just the entitled kid and you should be grateful to your parents instead of always whining" these people sound literally exactly the same as the parents in this conversation.

When I was 17ish my dad had been riding my last nerve that day, he was being particularly overbearing and needlessly controlling for no reason other than he could. I said, all the other siblings have moved out and are married with kids. I'M going to be the one taking care of you in old age. I promise you I'll treat you how you've treated me. He took a looooong pause. To be honest I think that was the first time he ever reflected on his behavior seriously. He replied, just put me in an old folks home and forget about me. With a smile I replied, Oh no no, I love you and I'll take GOOD care of you. As he walked away to avoid the conversation I pointed out that he'd rather be abandoned than be treated the way he does me. I'd hoped it would be food for thought, nothing more. But I think the realization of his behavior scared him for at least 30 seconds before dismissing it.

this is how i feel, i work and go to college but my parents never seem to appreciate what I do. I pay my own stuff, pay rent, pay my own phone. Yet the environment in this household is too much, I always feel anxious, worried, very unhappy and i cant do much about it.

Why do I have to work so hard to get my parent to be an adult 😔

I 100% treat my parents like hormonal teenagers with zero ability to emotionally regulate. They call me a snowflake millenial who can't survive in the real world then have a fit because the the sushi wasn't cold enough and omg the sushi place hates them specifically and it's my fault for ordering sushi everything is ruined fffffff.

While these strategies can be helpful for many, they still require the parent(s) to eventually concede some power. Many parents however will stubbornly stick to their reasons and beliefs no matter how calm and open you're being. They will think their word is law and requires obedience. You want respect? Tough, you are their child and live under their roof. You want to move out because you're financially stable so you don't have to obey them anymore, thus being on a more equal footing? Tough, they'll disown you unless you do what they say. Like, if they don't control you financially, they'll control you emotionally by threatening to disown and excommunicate you forever, or guilt you by saying you don't care if they die if you don't listen. And your feelings are brushed aside as insignificant to their needs. So for those types of parents, their expectations and threats will not change, which leaves very little choice to the child no matter how independent they may grow to be, if they still want to keep that relationship and not completely burn the bridge.

My parents aren't that controlling in general but they're always intervening and somehow monitoring concerning my love life... really fucking annoying and unpleasant.

glorious hair genetics!

As an autistic 17 year old girl where my mum has been telling me to move out since I was 15 because my panic attacks cause her so much stress and her pushing me down the stairs during my panic attacks and still not being able to escape and having no real way to communicate because of my autism I feel trapped but listening to this is comforting

This works with entitled people as a whole I've noticed and a really common response to breaking the 4th wall and questioning the meta is one of two. 1) They stop and think 2) They get offended

What worked for me as a counter to "we know what's best for you" was not to argue that they don't, but to ask "okay, so, by what metric are you measuring 'best'?" i.e. - are their advice/decisions the 'best' because it will maximize my future income? my happiness? their happiness? their reputation? As soon as they have to think about *that*, you have a chance of getting somewhere, because that's the foundation of understanding that when you disagree with them you're not telling them they're *wrong* (except when you are, but one step at a time) but you just have different priorities. Or - ideally - maybe even realize that how they were coming to those decisions for you doesn't actually line up with their own values. Getting a parent to realize that you are a person separate from themself, with different needs and different preferences, can be hard, emotionally, and tricky, because you actually need to *not* convince them to agree with you on anything, but have them realize that you *can and will disagree* just like any other adult might disagree with them or have different preferences. "Just tell me what you want" is a trap, too. There's no point answering that question to someone too far in the habit of not listening to you. They gotta figure some of this stuff out on their own, that way they'll actually believe it.

My god... I wish I had access to this video with Spanish subtitles. So many of my non-English-speakers friends need to watch this!!! Such a great video, it is actually surprising how you put into words such a complex aspect of life. Admirable!

What do you do when the parents doesn't "THINK". It's like talking to a wall. Nothing gets done.

This is EXACTLY what my therapist said! Try to question their thoughts or their way on thinking. If you just say a statement (even in calm respectful manner), one way or another it will lead to argue. They see as you're challenging them, my house my rule. My goal is to understanding, still being respectful to them while setting my boundaries as an adult (preparing independent from my parents, move out, etc.) Still not seeing changes in them, I doubt they will change. But, I feel that I got my power back and it felt good.

I was so invested, and then I lost my shit at the person in chat who said “imagine wanting a relationship with your parents” 😂😂😂

Holy moly, Dr K hitting us with the legendary strats. It has been said already. But staying unemotional while having a tough discussion with parents, is final boss level calm. Maybe dr K could do it while living with them. But over 99% will not be able to withstand the pressure parents can put on you. I could never keep my cool whenever they threatened to kick me out. Honestly I wasnt even able to calm down after hours and hours. I did do this after living on my own which was tremendously healing.

I've been in these situations with my parents, and they did not change. I'm now in my 40s. It wasn't even that I made bad decisions, I just wanted to make my OWN decisions. I didn't have the vocabulary (or calmness) to have this kind of conversation with them, and exactly what Dr. K said, happened. There wasn't much left when I was out in the world making my own money. I did end up cutting them out of my life, without much conversation, because of their refusal to listen to me even as an adult. If you're a young adult in this boat, I wish you all the best. It's not an easy situation to be in.

My problem here is that this requires the child to regulate their emotions in a way their parent cannot and has never demonstrated to them before. I feel like this is a 1 in 1000 shot to even have a conversation half as productive before becoming an adult themselves. Also going meta is often met with "What is this bullshit?" in my experience.

This video perfectly summed up my relationship with my dad. I honestly am crying right now because this is the only time I've ever felt heard for my experiences.

I, too, moved out overnight. Those few months were rough but I could not salvage the relationship in a way that was acceptable to me.

i've been doing this with my parents for well over 15 years. my dad got the hit, my mom, not completely yet lol but i know someone who has a VERY intrusive and entitled mother and was forced to take very drastic measures. in essence his mom kept intruding into his relationships over and over again to the point that she managed to break up THREE engagements to different women because of how intrusive she was in his relationships. and we're talking about a 30+ year old successful banker. on the 4th, he was having none of it. he got engaged, said nothing and got married. then one day showed up at his parents with a pregnant wife and essentially said "this is my wife and these are the rules if you want to be part of your grandchildren's lives". brash and aggressive, yes, but some people don't really get it until getting hit in the face with a metaphorical shovel.

Bad parenting: how you act doesn't change how you are treated by your parents. There is a difference between indifference and unconditional love.

I can assure you I would not be going to therapy if it weren't for my family. They have caused me so much stress and pressure that it puts me in a state of despair and suffocation. Dr. K always seems to be dealing with clients who are internally struggling, so I would never expect to see a video of him talking about outside forces like family. I'm so glad he is discussing this, especially when all the points made hit really close to home. It makes me feel heard for once. I'm so grateful for Dr. K, this channel, and the community! I hope we can finally influence a generation where mental health and mental struggles are being validated, even if they don't conform with societal standards.

I don't have parents like that so I'm not sure how much I don't know here, but looking at the experiences from the people in the comments, parents often shut them down by just bursting out into an outrage or tears, I think what he says here, is that you have to direct the conversation in a way that prevents them from getting emotional, which... Sounds like hell amd is probably super hard to actually pull off, but I do think there is a way to do it correctly... To sum up the tips that he gave for those situations in my understanding: you don't wanna start raising your voice or get angry, just be genuinely curious of their replies to your questions and when they start getting emotional you have to calm them down and only after they've calmed down, continue the conversation, if they say things like "you don't love me" just say "I never said that" you could add a "but" here, but I'm not sure how much this would help calming them down amd when they start spouting stuff about how they're the parent and you have to listen to them, repeat that yes they're right you have to listen to them *for now* ... Honestly it's easy for me to write all this, but mad respect to anyone who actually has the balls to go through with it, you are a mad lad

This is what kids have to learn in the damn school

Keep in mind that the advice in this video was based the assumption that the parents are trying to what they think is best for their children, and that their entitlement comes from the decision to use this parenting style as a means to that end. A lot of people in the chat were saying stuff like "This is terrible advice, I'd be dead if I said that." If that's the kind of power dynamic that's going on, then I don't think that the advice from this video applies. And he's not saying to literally ask the parents those questions, he's saying that the person needs to figure out a way to gain some level of understanding of where there parent is coming from, and then also find some way to get their parents to think. This is really hard because the situation is unique for everyone, so he can't really know what exactly you should say to your parents. If the parents are narcissistic or physically/verbally abusive then I think this is a different problem and perhaps requires a different approach. I'm not a psychologist, these are just some of my thoughts about this topic.

My experience is similar and different in a lot of ways. My mom began developing an alcohol addiction while she was in college about 10 years ago, and as of this month she's about 6 months sober. My dad, in December 2020 (my mom was still an alcoholic at that time) - this was literally a week after I moved back in with them - got completely inebriated one night and the two of them were arguing about whether he could post a sort of "f*** work" thing on Facebook where his boss could see it. The two of them argued, getting louder and louder until eventually, he grabbed a chair and threw it into the wall and began punching holes in walls over and over and over again. So he started saying things like "If any of you f***kers call the police, I'm killing you" and obviously my younger brother Kaelan, and myself, called the police at two different times during this incident. And since then, he's been in jail, gotten a no-contact order with us, violated that 2 times and went to jail 2 times for it, and he was told that the third would mean life in prison. By the third time, I had already moved out because I'm trying to stay away from all of that toxicity but for some reason or another, he managed to convince me to let him stay at my place. He stayed 2 months rent free and was drinking the entire time. When my roommates got uncomfortable and told me I had to kick him out, he started going around saying that I was a dirt bag and wouldn't take care of my own pops and all that stuff. So can you guess the first place he went after leaving my place? My mom's. Violating the order. They didn't call the cops. I found out the next morning when I called her and she was acting terrified over the phone and I asked, "dad's there, isn't he?" and she said "yes, your grandma's awake" and after that conversation was over, I immediately called the cops. So third violation, he should be in prison for life. But the prosecutors kept sending his file between two districts and lost the paperwork, and let him free. I don't know why they're not rectifying it. He's still calling my mom constantly and playing victim, saying she did this to him and that she was too drunk to know what happened that night, blah blah blah. He's constantly still harassing her and the cops refuse to get involved. But where I'm talking about entitled parents is my mom consistently trying to gaslight me into believing that I was only paying $600 a month instead of $800 and refusing to look at the Zelle transactions. I had a ledger of every rent payment of the previous several months and she refused to see it. Albeit she was drunk, it was still enough for me to find a new home. And my roommates right now are more like family to me than my family ever has been, so I think I'm in a better place mentally too because of that.

As the child of two foreign parents from the same country, I remember how strict the rules that were enforced in regards to my freedom were. When I graduated high school and went to college, I too had struggled with my new-found freedom. Suddenly I became the sole supervisor for my own actions, having had no practice in my previous 17 years of life to have success with such responsibility. I don't think these things have much to do with a person's intelligence, as I consider myself to be an intelligent person and have been affirmed by a good few, so it must have some truth to it; instead my problem was that I didn't know how to take care of myself, how to prioritize things, how to study (high school was a breeze, which didn't help at all because when college came around, I had no studying skills), and how to socialize with new peers. I consider this a direct failure on my parent's part, and I remember my parents were always looking at shows that discussed how to be "more involved" in the lives of their kids (either on the news, or shows like Dr. Phil, etc etc.). However parents who viewed such content were not perceiving these learned skills to be harmful to the success of their children, as they were under the guise that they would be preventing the possibility of their child being put in a harmful situation. They put time-restraints on my game-time, they sometimes stalked me when I was with my friends using a locator device, and they were always telling me what I NEEDED to do, and HOW to do it. Never once in my childhood had I made a choice, a real choice, for myself. Not once in my adolescence did I get a taste of the thing people call "autonomy." Instead I was babied, treated as immature, and berated when I did not accomplish the goals set out by my parents. I'm 26 now, still trying to learn how to function properly as an adult, and I have to say it is quite embarrassing to see your old classmates, even people who were younger than you, turn out to be more educated, more responsible, more polished than I am. Kids, if you have parents who are pissing you off, they are most likely just doing it because they are your parents. Much of the stuff they do has a lot of good intention behind it, and it's easy to overlook that when their approach is totally invasive and disrespectful towards you. HOWEVER: we live in a time where great people like Dr. K can show us exactly the pieces we need to connect the dots and apply them to our own situation. Remember, adolescence is a weird time, and having stressful parents can really make or break your ability to succeed. The family of origin gives us a lot of "baggage" but it's your DUTY to iron-out the kinks and to be the best you that you can be if you have the ability to actually understand the dynamics of interpersonal relationships, especially that amongst your immediate family. Please remember, no one is perfect, that most of the time being non-judgmental is the best way to meet new people, and that the only person you have control of is YOU. Now take control, and find a healthy and respectable way to approach each situation that arises, and one day you will realize in the moment that the preparation you have undergone in the past is finally showing fruit. Things become palpable, and life becomes wonderful if you learn how to navigate. I wish you all good luck, and I appreciate you guys for clicking on this video because that already shows that you're (at the very least) trying to understand the world around you, and yourself. Much love.

If i one day have a children I'll try my hardest to treat them as equal human being instead of a frickin useless child.

7:20 dude in chat who said "Chadvinder" thank you, needed that laugh

Once I started setting boundaries with my abusive father, I think it finally hit him that I didn't want him as a big part of my life. He never changed, but he finally understood that his actions had consequences.