It's funny how the animal heads collector is viewed more sane than the animal rescuer who, although weren't able to take good care of the animals, has purer intentions than a murderer. Funny how this world works.

The guided journal "Throw It Away" by Guru Notebooks is helpful. It's on amazon.

yes especially tupperwares for s o m e reason

YES

Yeeessss impossible to bring a girl.

Yes and then I became like her as an adult.

@@HOLLASOUNDS yep /:

I’m the opposite. I had lost our stuff and our home so many times as a child I have. A hard time owning physical items in fear I will lose My home and need to move. So I own barley anythjnf. My partner grew up with a hoarder parent and I’d say he hoards. He says he collects. We recently moved in together and it’s a weird dynamic having the two of us under one roof.

theres a facebook group called "adult children of hoarders" i highly recommend..... very supportive community

I have collected a substantial amount of Lego and vintage toys but I live in a bedsit and no longer have any room left.

I get my friends to spring clean and clean out stuff I don't need with me every year x it's hard to let go of some items but it helps if someone else does it with me or they can do it without you there if that's easier x

@Asmae Abdellah ?????

@Asmae Abdellah I know this is old comments but I'll reply in case you still need the info. ADHD is something a person is born with and will continue to have all their life, it's a physiological difference in the brain and how the brain works. So nobody "grows out of" ADHD although people can sometimes learn to manage it with meds/coping strategies. It's not a "naughty child" thing, it's a neurodiversity. Not everyone with ADHD wants meds (due to side effects) and not everyone feels they need them. Of those who do want/need meds, not all of those people will be able to get the meds prescribed for various reasons (eg cost, beauracracy, docs not understanding the need for meds or not understanding how badly the person's life is affected by ADHD due to "masking" (ie suppressing symptoms/ hiding symptoms from others short term (impossible to maintain long term!) which can make the person appear "fine/well" for the brief time the doc sees them). So yes, if a neurodiverse person isn't diagnosed in childhood it's possible for them to be diagnosed in adulthood. It's also possible for them to go undiagnosed all their life and to believe their struggles are down to a personality flaw (eg not trying hard enough etc) or to suspect there's "something wrong" but not be able to get a doctor to take them seriously and investigate

Yep I have an elderly neighbour who has been hoarding rubbish for years even when she was a lot younger l , this has only got worse over the years x she also have washing machines she has to have on all the time day and night until they break and she still uses them until they stop working all together x very bad for hers and everyone living around her x

you could remove all that and in no time, she will re-load her house full of more clutter. She may not "see" what you or others see.

@@gianinepreuss9999 So true. To make things worse we have a Give and Take at our local dumpster. she'd probably end up with more than she started off with.

Not trying to laugh but damn... it’s so sad to hear but reading the comments I can’t help but burst out laughing.

But tbh those 80s computers are quite valuable to be kept

can relate. it's so stressful for other family members like us

No, studies show trauma is just an excuse to indulge in hoarding

I believe the tendency of getting rid of stuff is connected to neurosis (control mechanism)

@@karolyn63 Sounds about right. Lack of control (hoarder) versus excess control (extreme minimalist)

Yes my sister is like this to the point of not being able to have a spare roll of paper towels or more than one ring or lipstick. I'd love some insight on this.

@@elizabethr4107 as the daughter of a hording mother I have developed in the other direction.. strong tendency to keep in charge of my stuff..whenever I am facing difficulties I tend to get rid off stuff.. It is a coping mechanism.. Life is not under our control, so we try to micromanage aspects of it. Simply put, having had a mother, who lost track... felt scary to me.. Actually after she died, she left a huge mess. I was the one taking care of it. It was overwhelming and I never wanted to end up in the same road..

@@borealiswan2363 I disagree. Hoarding is All about control. As is extreme minimalism. Just different sides of the same coin imho

You should look into decluttering before it gets any worse. It sounds as if life has overwhelmed you. You can take back control and get organised without turning minimalist. The freedom from negative feelings dragging you down and the relief you'll experience at being able to use your home properly will make the effort to tackle this worthwhile. Even if you go to those messy areas an commit to picking up one item per day, deciding how best to dispose of it *and then instantly doing that* (very important to take action and not just think about it) you'll gradually see a difference. Lots of people don't tackle clutter because it feels overwhelming to start, but doing only one item per day makes it easier. Good luck

Even the comment is cluttered with characters. Just throw your useless stuff away

Yes, look into it before it worsens. If you can't use the spaces as they were intended and can't bring yourself to throw these things away, hoarding is present.

Thanks for those that worried and responded. Back when I wrote the original comment I was starting to get depressed. Now I'm in therapy and taking meds. Although I'm not completely better yet, we got rid of the clutter, so there's that at least.

Oh wow. I thought I was the only one! At least I try to limit them to containers I find to be beautifully designed. Would be better if I actually made them useful and stored something besides other containers in them! That way all their beauty could be out on display.

I have this experience, and I'm very intrigued about the connection now after watching this video!

Yes, my narcissistic father is a hoarder but my mother is not, so their house stays mostly clutter free.

I do!

Calling someone a "hoarder" is mostly just a new way of being insulting. So is calling your parents "narcissistic" just because they have lives of their own, too. "Every generation blames the one before for all of their frustrations." The Living Years kzfaq.info/get/bejne/a86iaZd-3b_Ul58.html

Do you think the survivor children of Narc parents can turn into hoarders, as well?

How many is too many I wonder?

Organize it someway, then when you find you have doubles you can sell or donate your extra. Also, you will know what you have and not buy the double in the first place. My mom is a major hoarder and it is really hard for her to see she has a problem, even when she has 3 copies of the same dvd right next to each other on a shelf, so I think you seeing an issue means you are in control still and not the habit.

@@Skitdora2010 I'm very organized so I don't see it as a problem yet...I don't have copies of the same thing yet too...yeah as you said it's not a habit yet...I'm in control and I realise I have a problem too..so it's not too bad 😌

Hey KN, yeah my dad plays that game. He hoarded a few boxes of clothes from my brother's kid, and claimed he was going to give them away. Then one day I lived in a house near this poor family and they had two kids. I moved from there and he later obsessed that he wanted me to call the school and find out who they were so we can get the clothes to them. ok, that's tacky enough, but a about 2 years had gone by and the clothes wouldn't have even fit them. Another year later i gave them to someone with a young kid that they could fit. He freaked still intent on giving them to the kids he intended even though they'd have far outgrown the clothes. Why? Because he didn't want to let the clothes go at all. Which I actually find it creepy to want / need to hang on to another person's clothing. We threw out my moms old clothes after she passed, but He has my cousin's clothes who stayed at our house for rehab and then got back on drugs and moved out of state. He still thinks he'll hold onto these until she needs them. Instead of 1) give them to her mom, 2) ask for an address and ship them. I tried to donate these and he flipped his lid, which to me is just extra creepy / weirdo. Note: that's the ONLY time he wanted to give something away. The rest of the time it's been someone might need it one day. He's never donated anything to goodwill, salvation army etc. He's never actually known anyone poor enough to need anything. And I had a friend who lived in the shelter and he didn't say "can I send some things up with you?" The excuse (and it's just an excuse) is really just a cover story and they never intend to get rid of it. I also find it totally unforgivable for dad to lie and say that. They're not human. They turn into these machines that are programmed to protect their things and have no real connection to others. So I see him as a machine / robot that runs his program to protect his worthless things while in between tasks presenting with a few emotional needs that I can't cater to as the machine truly can't feel emotions.

@@paulfitzgerald4933 , oh wow, sounds creepy indeed 😬

I understand your frustration.. I can't explain mine

Both of them. Even their studio is very clean and nice… and notice that lovely dog.. :)

That's sad. He shouldn't be going through your personal items. You are not his personal property. 😢

Narcissists think everything is theirs and you're an extension of him. They also think they're a genius and everyone else is not. My dad would pack up our winter clothes and tuck it somewhere in the house and by winter I was outside with denim jeans with holes, sneakers and no gloves. totally unforgivable. In fact when you really look at the sheer gull it takes for them to treat others the way they do, and realize it's a choice, you totally emotionally detach and feel nothing. My brother wore sports clothes that dad knew weren't his. Anything of mine that would fit him he felt was shared or also his. So when he'd hide my stuff, maybe intentionally subconsciously, he believed he was hiding his stuff. Much of my clothes went offsite to a storage facility that he lost for nonpayment years later. Dad had a stroke a at 83, 84 years old now, I thought this was my chance to start tossing stuff out, but he recovered. I honestly couldn't bring myself to even consider how he'd be impacted or feel. That's because they only feel for themselves. Meaning... No matter how tragic post stroke recovery could have become, he'd still feel like the victim with no greater level of suffering status as he already felt in his day to day life that led to his hoarding. So I assessed this and realized if he won't feel a change in official status, I can't feel bad for him. After all he's always been the victim of everything already. Thus there's no way to gauge a "new" level of suffering if he's already 99% life's downtrodden victim.

i was about to say after reading the first line, he sounds like a narcissist!

That's narcissism, and your FIL clearly had some serious emotional loss. I've also become an expert at saying things that drive a wedge between me and the narcissist. One being "It's like God knew you'd treat everyone like this and gave you a bad childhood to punish you first." not saying to say that, but you get the idea. The point being is the one thing they can't shake is the suffering of their youth, and when you make it an open mockery and one you clearly can't car about, it makes them never reach out for help or at least when they do feel you could rip open that wound again anytime you want. So they're so much more respectful and watch how they cross you. I have to say little cutting things to keep dad at bay or else his narcissism leads him to think he can make any demands, judgements, criticisms, and express irrational needs. It sounds cruel but I have mapped it out like a spreadsheet to figure how long before dad's demanding, clingy and arrogance returns, and have to trickle things that make a new wall from time to time. So if your husband is still dealing with criticism, judgement and trying to find validation which turns into being abused, he my need to realize you need to go no contact. sadly I live with my dad to make sure he's ok. If he had roommates, his abusiveness would get him jailed or injured. but that's also my not responsibility so I'm planning to le him take his chances next year with others and I'm out. If your husband was diagnosed with malnutrition that's a sign his dad truly has an spiteful streak.

I hve about 15 guitars, 4 large amps,...and can get another one tomorrow...also being a vet, I have several firearms and weapons of war.....of which can ALL be replaced if I elected to sell any of this stuff.......the real issue is how much can you really get in return for all the garbage you store?...lol....I can defend myself and loved ones, with ONE single firearm...not 20.....plus I can play ONE guitar at a time, thru an amp, or without one...so, again all this crap, can be replaced, at any time...unless I collected any of this crap for increased value, which usually is not the case....lol...what a world we live in...lol

Amen!!!!!

My peep! 😆👍 And you know what? I paid for a professional organizer to come to my house (we'd had relatives die AND combined four households in less than two years) We spent the whole time chatting and got nothing done. 🤦

Possible a plan schedule and log of progress . The plan of clear out other stuff is positive place to start . If anything you might need at a later date but don’t want to forget a digital photo in a album on a device would help .

Those are people who actually appreciated and intented to use those items for useful purposes. What hoarders do is collect things that even could be useful or purposeful, excpet they keep the things either in such disarray that the item could never be found in any convenient way when called on to solve those obscure uses the person has contrived in their mind OR they items have been kept is such terrible condition that even if they are easily gotten to they are past their proper use and are essentially trash. The people you are talking about kept the string with the string, the screws with the screws and kept it all in a semi-logical arrangement because its ALL THEY HAD. Hoarders know they can just get more and more and more and more. All while keeping it in a dysfunctional manner.

No.

Even the survivors of the depression knew to throw out bulging cans that had potential botulism. Todays hoarders would be reluctant to even throw out that can.

In my opinion yes, i have known two people who have had these tendencies after surviving the great depression. One hoarded boxes just in case along with many others things, and my family member has done the expired food as well as many other things. Ive often thought that time they lived through impacted the saving of unnessesary things.

Both of my parents went throught the Great Depression. But only my mom became a hoarder. So I am not a huge fan of this theory. My mom was also later diagnosed with two mental illnesses.

That is so correct and by design . Personal opinion a 2 or 3 bedroom house put on a lot half the size today selling for double the price of 10 to 15 years ago will bring in double property taxes .

That could be a really cathartic thing to do with a lawn chair and your favorite drink. Take out as many boxes as possible and stack them around, then put on some relaxing music and make a day of it. Maybe toast some marshmallows as well! As many positive things as possible to offset any negative feelings. Good luck, I hope you can push through and make it happen :)

@@Travestie616 LOL...Thanks for not trying to talk me out of it, as so many other people have done. I think my negative feelings come from the guilt of burning books. Perhaps a leftover from my school days when we learned about Hitler? Who knows. I like the idea of making it a SPECIAL CELEBRATION DAY! :0) Thanks Again!

@@sherrydee7880 Or you could donate them to your local library guild. That's where I take my mom's finished books for her. It's also a tax write-off, if you itemize your taxes. Tell yourself that the books are going to a needy home where they can't afford full-priced books. Positive karma.

burn them !!!

If you have space for bookshelves there's nothing wrong with having a home library.

Great interview as always Kyle! I often wondered if I may have been an almost hoarder because I never cleaned up.

I've read this comments a few times and I am still not fully grasping the point you are trying to make. Perhaps I'm missing something?

Exposure therapy in combination is apparently more successful. That means you get rid of something and feel what comes up and keep doing it until you're better at handling it.

@@nataliebutler I've tried Exposure therapy as well. Felt traumatizing and did not address the root cause of my hoarding. Internal Family Systems therapy has been far more helpful for me 🙏

Negative impacts can be things like - not being able to cook in the kitchen, bathe in the bathroom or work in the study; not being able to get necessary repairs done because you don’t want anyone seeing the inside of the house; financial problems from over-spending; hygiene or vermin problems, either because you hoard unsanitary things or because the clutter makes areas impossible to clean properly; fire hazards because of lots of flammable items and/or blocked exits; living conditions that limit the freedom of the non-hoarder inhabitants... You might find it helpful to check out some clutter ratings like this one: sites.southglos.gov.uk/safeguarding/wp-content/uploads/sites/221/2015/05/Clutter-image-rating-scale.pdf

A therapist would be needed to give the tools to cope

I think you should try watching the tv shows. One version would go over the root cause, the void the hoard is suppose to fill, and after identifying it, trying to remedy the void with the right coping mechanisms or new support system- usually the new support came from whatever relative called the show.

Clearly

I struggle with hoarding issues. I'm very much aware it's a problem & desperately want to change. I know many others who also struggle with hoarding & are looking to change. Unfortunately, the standard treatment for Hoarding Disorder -- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy -- is not very effective.

@@icanletgo-recoveryfromhoar537 Supposedly, it could be better EMDR, Trauma therapy or Attachment based therapy

Congratulations for admitting it!! There's a lot of facebook group to help you out. If you feel overwhelmed i will give you the same tips i gave to my mom. Do small goals, by example, 1 box a day. Do one room at a time, it will takes months but its better to do small steps than no steps at all!

Due to recent events, the mantra "what if I need it?" has been frightfully replaced with "what if I *don't* need it? What if I never *do* use it? What if it sits there and rots and collects cobwebs and filth, rust and mold, until we're all dead and somebody else has to go through this stuff and throw it away, and wonder what was wrong with us to have so many broken, unusable things?" I didn't realize till this past week that I am a hoarder, from a family of hoarders. I am disturbed by what I've found. My Mom and I are currently cleaning out the hoard left by my deceased stepfather, Mike, which has led to us cleaning out the hoard left by my deceased grandparents in the basement. Mike drew up a will in the hospital before he died wherein his son would get his tools and eagles, and his daughter would get his pennies. So, we had to find and gather this stuff. The mystery chest with a master lock on it turned out to contain the pennies... so. many. pennies. Coffee cans and peanut butter jars filled to the brim with pennies inside this chest that I ended up breaking open (couldn't find the key) with a rusty ax (all of my grandfather's axes are rusty) and a small but heavy sledgehammer, which was also rusty. The chest also contained a drawer of rusty tools, which most of his tools turned out to be: rusty, all thrown together, unusable. Mike flatly refused to throw anything away while he was alive. If I had to guess, I've probably thrown away about 80 pounds of rusty, unusable tools. Rusty jigsaw blades, rusty nails, rusty screwdrivers, rusty wrenches, two toolboxes filled with rusty assorted bits and rusty liquid in the bottom that leaked. Not every single thing was rusty, but most of it was. So yeah, my stepdad had issues. Mom said that every now and then, he would pull something out of his hoarded closet and use it to fix something, insisting "See? See? This came in handy, and we wouldn't have it if you'd made me throw it away. One man's trash is another man's treasure!" About 10% of his tools are usable, the rest were in a disturbing state of disrepair. My grandfather, too, had a collection of rusty axes, hammers, wrenches, and various types of saws: hacksaws, table saws, handsaws, of all different sizes. Also a collection of (not rusty) nails, screws, doorknobs, ceiling fans, light fixtures, magazines, a bird's nest, two identical guns, and I can guarantee that if we had tried to go through any of this stuff when they were still alive, they would have gotten upset and insisted that it was useful, or could potentially be useful one day. So... if you're a hoarder. Think about what you're going to leave behind when you die, for your family to go through. We've been working for over a week now, for hours every day, and we're... maybe halfway done? Maybe a third of the way done? There's just so much. The last thing I found before calling it a night, was a disgusting caulk gun, on top of a lightly used caulk gun, in a rusty chest, with a lone rusty hacksaw in one of the drawers. It's really disturbing. They're dead now, I can't ask why. I can, however, ascertain that they were severely traumatized individuals who didn't know how to heal, and this was how it manifested physically. Feels like I'm going through serial killer belongings though. I myself have PTSD from childhood stuff. I hoarded messes and trash. I felt like a trashy mess, and so that's what I surrounded myself with. Hopefully I never do that to myself again. This has been so eye-opening. It's self-abuse. Best of luck to you, hope that helps.

Take it like this, we had to clean my hoarder uncles place after he died (he was a bachelor his whole life). His bedroom was filled with dildos (which I guess he never threw out- they looked antique) and pregnant moms pornos DVD and VHS and the Beta. Also pictures of him posing wearing sun dresses. So, if you die, do you want your family going through your things? Think about that before you buy certain things or if you get too attached to certain things. Other than that, "A home for everything and everything in it's place." If you already got a copy, maybe don't buy that third.

Im no doctor but im pretty sure that it's not nature, it's nurture.

my mom is an hoarder and im not ;)

I believe it is caused by emotional trauma and afterwards the fear and anxiety is somewhat calmed by the owned stuff as well as the self-esteem. I think it is curable, they need to get a life and have new and safe emotional experiences and then they can let go!! (Try hypnosis)

I know...weird. 😮

LOL ikr

Not even digitally? Remember she said ANY information collecting online can be a hoard. Have you checked the size of your youtube wait to watch list? 😜

@@Skitdora2010 I don't want everything. I also don't have a tv or Netflix. This is my only viewing and I am spend less than an hour a day with Facebook/Insta.