That's their goal.... Hold on tight and listen often to Dr Carter. It also helps to journal about the episodes. Memory fades and facts get mixed up, but the dates and events speak for themselves when reread from your journal.

I remember the first time I realized what my narc was doing. She wanted to fight, I was done with it all. She got mad and started projecting about how mean and selfish I was. I stood there, listened to her tirade and thought to myself, that's actually what she was always doing to me? So I looked at her and said... " now your just projecting " She knew she had just been called out....

Their behavior can literally make you really ill..

@@MichelleSwisherSparks it absolutely can. Stress chemicals are caustic long term

@Alison You are so right. For the longest time I thought it was me 😟 they get into your head so much it gets to the point where you can’t think for yourself anymore 🥴🤪

Ugggh never gets resolved and that's on purpose by design

@@Missy_561 💯👍... They are truly evil 👿😈 I am 72 yrs with a heart condition, and I really believe that he is trying to induce another heart attack and kill me 😨😪PS: IT'S MY SON!!

So true!

Omg I would always say he never wanted to resolve anything. Never.

Oh wow didn’t know that’s the name, tried to change few people broke my neck explaining, on the end they even insulted suicide victim even after I warn them that’s not nice and they give me nasty attitude of their opinion, I just feel like that’s making me sick

Exactly.

My narcissistic dad has deficits in "maturity" and "honesty" departments!

You are not alone.

@@SurvivingNarcissism Yes!

@Alana Adams. You’re right. You can’t. They will constantly spin it so they come out on top. It’s exhausting. 🥴

There being absolutely no win-win situations with a narcissist is how I can tell they are not well. I believe in win-win situations.

My ex. never would argue or discuss a situation. If he found out I wanted to discuss something he would get dressed up and go to the local bar room. He'd come back in the middle of the night, half out of his head, he'd be so drunk. Everytime.

@@grandmajane2593 mine ignores for days or leaves for hours it makes my head want to explode it takes every ounce of self protection not to retaliate .. it really hurts.

@@926paaja Yup, I had that condition. When my ex was on one of his drinking days, I would be so nervous and crying, I'd take the kids to McDonalds and buy them dinner and try to stall coming home because it was so awful seeing him drunk out of his head like that. Funny thing though I never could stay away from the house long enough to avoid his coming home. Its like he sensed when I'd be there or something. You need to get away from him permantly girl. There is no other thing to do to protect yourself. Figure out someplace you can go and get there fast before something awful happens. There is a big chance something awful will happen believe me. I'm alone now and it feels so free, I can do or say whatever I wish with no one to censor me or berate me. Bless you, I hope you will take care of yourself.

Egg shell walkers

Same

Another clear sign that someone is a narcissist is how they keep a record of each and every incident of falling short we have done only so they can be constant reminding others about how we are such a loser compared to them. While they are convenient forgetting anything which they have done wrong in the past.

That's exhausting...I can just chill and talk..

@Nancy Hjort, The same thing happened to me.I am sorry you had to go through this torture too. We Understand now. I´m forever Grateful for Doc. C. Many Blessings to you & TEAM HEALTHY!

@@angelanicoletti3330 q

So true! I’ve seen it first hand.

Of course they do!

The phrase I always think of in these scenarios with a narc parent is "If you want to try to take responsibility for my success, take responsibility for my failures too."

Oh, I forgot the 2 cups invalidation - the most important ingredient for my narc!

A recipe for indigestion.

100% I'm 3 months free and only found out about narcissism the day he left - everything I've read and listened to, its like they're robots reading off the same script! So weird!!

Ha right love how you put it

HAHAHAHA, that was so awesome. Nailed it.

Well stated.

Yeah but they are really broken. Deeply and the condition is resistant to therapy because they won’t usually go.

they blame shift so much the real victim might need hospital care the manipulation drives people crazy

bingo!💯🎯

I just gave up when i found out what she was doing behind my back--i could write a book--glad i am OUT.

Its not your fault , they do a dance never addressing the issue or they blame or ( it's there fav line, I don't remember) anything to avoid confrontation; accountability or responsibility and they live the ole you...you. you . Rants

I got an accusatory email that a very wise friend told me not to respond to or argue with. Thank God for her or I would have perpetuated the argument. The email got me to counseling, too! The first counselor told me it was my fault, a second one sugared me up and wrote me off. A third counselor used a rational approach and validated my experience and feelings. What a relief. Just like these videos!

@@dgloss1951 i have had No Contact since 2017--life is a whole lot better without all the drama--its taken me a while to get over all that she was doing to me-it got to the stage where i couldn't take anymore--i had to leave her.

@Maggie Baker my ex sent audio messages to my children and Siblings that I was having affairs with different people and gave details how I was cheating him. It was mind blowing. I had a nervous breakdown and it left me numb and suicidal for years. With the character assassination he desperately tried to poison my children minds against me. It worked with my eldest son he starting doubting me and lost respect for me. But then over time he realised it was smear campaign. I sincerely hope karma remembers his door.

25 years for me, currently getting divorced, as soon as I figured it out and made the decision to leave it was like a weight lifted off me, all the anger, frustration just melted away, I already feel younger, and I've been told I look younger. Funny thing is she's blamed me for all her health problems for 20 years, problems she had before I met her. Nothing she says matters anymore so that put an end to the blame shifting right away and now she really can't talk to me about anything that lasts more than a sentence or two. Once I'm gone I'll let her know that she needs professional help if she's ever going to live a happy life, but she'll never even consider it while I'm around.

I'm too disabled by chronic illness to be on my own now, and the support I'd need just isn't available, so it's too late for me now. I'm focusing on building the best life I can in the circumstances.

I left a 30 yr marriage, 8 years ago and never looked back. I've only been learning why nothing I did ever worked in the last 3. It's the best work I've ever done for myself. Not only did it explain my marriage, it explained most of the other troubling relationships in my life. I'm still single... My deepest fear was ending up with another hopeless case. To find myself in other dead end relationship would be the end of me. Now, I have hope to find a safe and loving mate to spend my twilight years with. Better late than never. 🙃

Katherine-Is it a "relationship"? Do you feel alone WHILE being part of a "couple"? RUN- Or, are you willing to hand over another 30 years of your life? Your "partner" WILL NOT CHANGE. He has learned that he can treat you anyway he wants - you haven't left after almost 30 years. I pray for your strength to choose YOU. I felt like 9 years with my ex nearly destroyed me Please, please, please, choose YOU!

Yes my story is similar

So true not to give them any opportunity to be nasty again with you and victimize you

I can very much so relate to what you are saying and how you feel. Makes me not feel so alone...thank you.

@GG. I totally get that. I have the same problem with the blame shifting. It can be a bit confusing 🥴🥴

@@roxxyredandsweetiemow4028 Thank you for your thoughts/reply, as well. It's like, UUGGHHH!!🤦 But, also, it's all a work in progress (one step forward, 2 steps back, sometimes). I just thank God, for even the tiny baby steps I take, in my healing. And I pray that each of us gets delivered from these devil's minions.

@@lisak4367 I know, RIGHT! Some days, I'm genuinely confused. But, I also pray,every day, to Father God. For our healing and abundance.

That applies to me as well & it’s helpful to hear you explain it. Thank you.

Narcissists seek jobs and careers, where they feel they are above others. Narcissists love to show how things are done in security jobs. Overly meticulous to being outright ridiculous. But they have the say and the other has no choice but to comply. How they love it...

Lol that’s what we call our work narc!

Teflon poisons you...

Sounds like what a flying monkey has said to my husband after he left after being a scapegoat for so long

Stay strong, Wendy!

​@@SurvivingNarcissism my fiance, Lillian, of 5 years destroyed my life recently. On January 21st I finally realized that she was going behind my back to her mother who would tell her family and friends and complain about me but Lillian would NEVER want to talk to me about anything! She is an alcoholic and had been drinking throughout our entire relationship, once a year for about 3-4 months then quit again. But she was diagnosed with cirrhosis in 2015 when her mother, a covert, malignant narcissist let her move in with her and nurse her back to health. She threatened me with "if you ever let my mother, friends or family know, YOU'LL BE SORRY. We're both 52. Last year, in August, September, her drinking was getting so out of hand I told her stepdad and son because I was so worried about her heath!! She wasn't supposed to be drinking at all! Ever again! He Doctor had said that if she ever drank again she would DIE!! Then on December 22 her younger brother, age 49 died from HIS alcoholism!! Stepdad got into a physical fight with me by giving me a black eye because HE'S a narcissist, too, I think!! I wrestled with him until he stopped, and he must have told Lillian's Mom about her drinking because her Mom was ignoring her for the month in between. They live a mile apart. then on January 21, when I confronted her about her machinations in the morning, she "love bombed" me!! Told me that I mean everything to her!! She went to work at the hair salon she works at, came back to pick up gloves I ordered her from Amazon the day before, and again said, "I love you!" as she was leaving. She even texted me 30 minutes later to tell me how funny I was for an earlier text! I thought all was good!! I felt like she was finally willing to talk and be open since her brother died! 7 hours later, the police showed up at our(her) house to arrest me for DV!! I was at the neighbors house so I wasn't arrested, but knew what she was doing after thinking about it for half a second. Funny thing is, I had all these Xfinity cameras set up outside the house and they caught the whole conversation in the morning, hey coming home for the gloves, her saying that she loved me and I had the text messages from her later that day!! I was hiding from the police for a week as I tried to download the videos and figure out what had just happened. I deal with my own Combat PTSD, so I was a mess!! The police was still working on arresting me when I gave them the videos and evidence, which they submitted to the DA, who later rejected her claims and never filed charges against me. This took almost 3 months!! However, on the 2nd of February, she filed a TRO against me, CITING THE SAME LIES!! Playing the victim, again!! I just went to the hearing on the 2nd of May, and the judge didn't even hold her responsible for the perjury!! AND he extended the TRO for another 6 months!!! Now she's selling the house that I worked on for 4 years at a hefty profit, has an TRO against me, and she became a ghost! I'm telling you this because she made me homeless!! I'm on SSDI for PTSD, was supposed to write my Stressor Statement for benefits and she knew I only had been given another 2 weeks to complete it, but it was impossible for me to write it! She had me so twisted for those years I thought that I was losing my mind and couldn't even remember who I was anymore! Now I'm trying to find a lawyer to sue her, with NO MONEY because I paid all of the bills to take care of her!! Her last 5 year BF left her ON HER BIRTHDAY IN 2015!! Now I know why. I'm in bad shape. I am a hull of a person that I was when I met her, and since she had all of the money from her divorce in 2010, she controlled EVERYTHING!! I NOW NEED TO FIND A LAWYER BECAUSE SHE JUST CAN'T PLAY AN AMBER HERD ON ME AND GET AWAY WITH IT! She and her mother... Any advice for me? PLEASE!!??. However... she had

@@ptsdjoe4956 Joe, is there a legal aid society in your community (or larger community nearby) to contact? They can help you understand your legal rights regarding the TRO and help with filing your SSDI claim. Don’t be alarmed, but you will probably be sent to a doctor for an updated evaluation that will be included as part of your support documents. Please continue watching Dr. Carter’s videos so that you get an understanding of the type of narcissist(s) you’ve been exposed to and how to handle any future exposure to them. Actually, the TRO may be a blessing, as you can use this as the number one reason to ‘grey rock’, or totally ignore her. She most likely doesn’t realize that she’s given you the gift of distance and non-contact, so use this time to work on becoming a better version of yourself. Stay strong, take baby steps away from this situation, and you’ll eventually be free of the narcissistic control. You’ve got this!

This is EXACTLY the kind of things that take place between the narcissist i deal with and myself. We matter so much to them- just not enough to matter.

Three Years ago after a " helpful" call from cousin W S. D-S I deleted her && hapy joy I NEVER REGRETTED IT! good Riddance WindBag! good Riddance!

Yes it is.

@Rod and Judi Bowen. I feel you’re pain. It is my only child as well 😞

Exactly.

I'm not quite ready for sainthood, but thank you for the kind comment. #TeamHealthy

mine used to say that , to emphasise what a tough life she had, but in reality it was pretty good ...its so good now she has to make up things to moan about. cupboards are too deep , people with dogs annoy her because 'they dont need them'' !!!!!!!! i had to walk away this year as i got cancer at 57 and it became really weird , she ,and my sis just couldnt show any sympathy , i walked away about 5 months ago and its great .

Sounds like your mother was badly damaged by her life experiences. I think we’re all traumatized, quite frankly. However, like you, I chose only to spend my time to those committed to developing into the kind of folks who make DRC a way of life.

My narc mom loves to blame my dad for her problems. My dad that she has been long gone from for 26 years now and who has been dead for 15 years. When I was as young as 11 years old she would say to me "You don't understand how he abused me!" Actually I do understand because I was there and also experienced his abuse and ended up in foster care due to it. She loves feeling sorry for herself but has no empathy for her children that were abused and who went into foster care.

Lol knew one that was into witchcraft and bad vibrations called other people witches and stuff when they were just talking about themselves

lmao! sorry if my laughter offends you. it is not meant to. am on your side. that was just the first time I heard that crazy excuse for their behavior! geez. and believe me I've had my share of narcissistic abuse. it sucks.

@@sharidellar9471 is it mine or megalights comment you are laughing at? Either way, it is funny now that I come to think of it. My one also blamed evil eye too. He would say, someone person cast an evil eye on our relationship hence we were arguing so much. One time we were having an explosive argument ans he said to me, "I told you that you should not have posted that pic of us both on facebook. Someone saw it, casted evil eye out of jealousy for our relationship and now look, we are arguing."

You are why I do the videos, Maia. Thanks for this encouraging report! Dr. C

That’s rare. Narcissistic people in the workplace bully and co-opt everyone as their flying monkeys. Research shows the majority of people get fired, run off the job and sometimes commit suicide as a result. Therapists say find a new job! Glad you had some success.

@@gertrudewest4535 thanks. I think the luck was that everybody already knew me for 3 years, and I had good work reviews and work relations until the narcissist became my colleague. I have been told by colleagues that if she constantly complains about problems, she must be the problem. It was also clear to the team that although she tried to scapegoat me, she has an equally hostile attitude to other women in the company. I am not completely unscathed from this situation, but I got this temporary promotion and I will find a different job in the meantime as well. They have offered that after I complete this temporary higher position to pay me a job coach and 6 months of salary to let me go. I am contemplating this offer, because I seriously do not see myself return in the same work environment. The narc did succeed in making me want to leave, even if I did one-up her with the promotion.

Continue to listen to this man and his counsel. Buy his book, Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me. It's a workbook in helping the"real victim" in the relationship, identify and take the power and dignity back in their lives. The joy will return in slowly regaining your self worth, dignity, and value, whether they ever do.

I hear you, you arent alone, i have retired to the basement, i do my own thing and i have learned that being alone is good, it brings me peace. I know i am a good person and i hold on to that perspective. I tell him i have nothing to talk about, my cat knows better, but besides disgusted faces, he pretty much leaves me alone, if he trys to instigate a battle, i say you do you and I go back down stairs, i do not engage. Thanks to these channels I have learned it is not my fault. Be strong, and be kind to yourself.. self talk can be a killer.

@@marilynhirsche8944 good that you found a way of peace.

Love yourself and leave.

I know!

Never introduced to anyone. I was put into a men's shelter at one point. Taken from an apartment I had near my parents for a week into a group of people who were nut..jobs..Deprived of coffee. I was being punished for not hooking up with men who surrounded my apartment. Scared out of my mind. Lucky to have had a counselor who knew a friend. That counselor has been paid off to disappear.

More traumatized people, and at times this was a survival mechanism that turns into a personality because it will work for many years, until the suffering just can’t play their part.

Wow 22 likes, what am I doing wrong? Okay ... what is Jenn saying? Well ... I'd say the police aren't upholding the law and the experience Americans are supposed to have by evolution through application of the law is not already here, save for those able to afford it. The calls to not fund the police after George Floyd are you know JUSTIFIED. The police seem to be narcissists in uniform and they always employ their own people that understand and can trust. Look no further than Lawyers, Judges, the Police and all their friends in society.

​@@keplermission4947 Jenn is saying that the system isn't broken; it's by design; same with the types of people being produced- deliberately orchestrated & systematically implemented tactics of control- using people as material to churn out the desired "products". I feel some Edward Bernays quotes coming on: [“The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ...We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to live together as a smoothly functioning society. ...In almost every act of our daily lives, whether in the sphere of politics or business, in our social conduct or our ethical thinking, we are dominated by the relatively small number of persons...who understand the mental processes and social patterns of the masses. It is they who pull the wires which control the public mind.” ― Edward Bernays, Propaganda “Men (people) are rarely aware of the real reasons which motivate their actions.” ― Edward L. Bernays, Propaganda] The draft made sure large percentages of the male population were subjected to dehumanizing, misogynistic indoctrination & weaponization- including the normalization of sexual violence. (That's not even touching upon the biochemical warfare spurring sexual developmental disorders. eg: "The Disappearing Male" Documentary.) #MKULTRA was all about finding ways to subvert free will- #traumabased #CultLikeProgramming & #mindcontrol; which is doubtlessly relevant to the #BoboDollExperiments, the GenderKoolaidCult, & the #seductiontheorycoverup I firmly believe contemporary PornCulture / RapeCulture is a direct result of the techniques developed & refined through project MKULTRA, & that dehumanizing, misogynistic military/religious/corporate/institutional indoctrination have been designed to reduce vast numbers of men into the kind of animalistic monsters that feel entitled to sexually objectify, enslave, terrorize, violently abuse, & sexually prey upon women- and even children- while convincing themselves they're "Good Guys" &/or that every other man is just like them. Those operating off the baseline programming are going to have serious issues with boundaries & need to be deprogrammed; the young need to be shielded from the programming intended to debase them; teaching them to dehumanize & oppress others-acting as agents of the oppressive system, which in turn dehumanizes them, while using them to dominate & subjugate females they are rewarded with systemic access to- through things like sexual exploitation of women & children who have no recourse to the law in a system that routinely consumes, silences, & further abuses them for fighting back. (Also, So-called "Mutual Abuse" is a myth- and as a term it's used to excuse aggressors & shift blame onto victims for defending themselves- much like ZeroTolerance policies- which also punish victims for fighting back against their abusers- enabling abusers & creating #LearnedHelplessness in those targeted for abuse. MandatoryReporting laws, KangarooCourt Gag Orders, & NDAs further abuse & silence victims- discouraging victims of abuse from disclosing abuse for fear of potential fallout in any &/or all areas of their lives. FederalFinancialIncentives & Loopholes in laws against Slavery create #PerverseIncentives to criminalize vulnerable demographics to supply the demand for human trafficking via Corrupt Criminal Justice & Family Courts, routinely used as a weapon of InstitutionalViolence, DomesticTerrorism / ClassWarfare to wield against dissidents & scapegoated demographics #CointelPro / #10StagesOfGenocide style.)

Oh- and as far as defunding the police goes; that won't exactly achieve what proponents are hoping for, when there are all sorts of mercenary armies around. The police have literally been militarized & have literally been waging domestic warfare on vulnerable members of the population for generations. I believe in the right to defense. More quotes coming on: [“You want to know what this [war on drugs] was really all about? The Nixon campaign in 1968, and the Nixon White House after that, had two enemies: the antiwar left and black people. You understand what I’m saying? We knew we couldn’t make it illegal to be either against the war or black, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroin, and then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities. We could arrest their leaders, raid their homes, break up their meetings, and vilify them night after night on the evening news. Did we know we were lying about the drugs? Of course we did.” ~ John Ehrlichman, Assistant to the President for Domestic Affairs under President Richard Nixon] (He leaves out trafficking people into the prison industry to be used as literal slaves, or how they offer federal financial incentives to corrupt state agencies to use the corrupt courts to traffic the children of targeted demographics, groups, & individuals. ) - Reasonable, common-sense Gun Control measures would be disarming corrupted, captured regulatory agencies, militarized police, mercenary corporate armies, & agents of tyrannical, psychopathic globalists' systems of surveillance & control. - DO YOU ACCEPT AS TRUE THAT ALL AUTHORITARIAN GOVERNING BODIES ULTIMATELY USE INTIMIDATION, COERCION, & VIOLENCE TO ENFORCE THEIR RULES? DO YOU ACCEPT AS TRUE THAT ALL FORMS OF GOVERNING BODIES WILL INHERENTLY ATTRACT POWER SEEKING, IMMORAL PEOPLE INTO POSITIONS OF AUTHORITY? DO YOU ACCEPT AS TRUE THAT GOVERNMENTS, POLICE, & MILITARY HAVE BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR ORCHESTRATING THE GENOCIDAL SLAUGHTER OF COUNTLESS HELPLESS PEOPLE THROUGHOUT THE COURSE OF HISTORY? DO YOU ACCEPT AS TRUE THAT AS A RULE, THE ELITES WHO ULTIMATELY ORCHESTRATE SUCH MASSACRES ARE LARGELY BEYOND ACCOUNTABILITY? IF SO, THEN WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO STRIP OUR RIGHTS TO DEFEND OURSELVES AND ALLOW THOSE IN POWER TO HOLD A MONOPOLY ON THE USE OF FORCE, FIREARMS, & THE RIGHT TO SELF DEFENSE? - In a country where everything is quickly spinning out of control, one of the last safeguards in place against total tyranny is the knowledge that there are many millions of armed citizens who will defend themselves & their loved ones should the need arise. That's a pretty powerful incentive for those who would want to undermine our freedom to seize upon any & all excuses to attempt to force disarmament.

Mr. Up-in-arms, please! The people partaking in this channel have their immediate lives to consider. You are speaking national political radicalism

​@@mikediamond353 I elaborated on my thoughts after a comment was made on my reply thread. Everyone partaking in this channel is part of an abusive system that churns out the exact kind of abusive mentalities they are having to live with in their personal lives. Abusive institutions & programming foster, maintain, & escalate the types of values & ideological infections we face in those subjecting us to abuse that can escalate to the level of being considered interpersonal terrorism. If you want to understand what's happening in your personal lives- it helps to frame it in context against the backdrop of the environments we are in. This rampant toxicity isn't coming out of nowhere & we don't develop in a vacuum. If you aren't interested in what I have to say, &/or think I'm a lunatic, you are welcome to scroll. Nobody forced you to engage with my reply.

You are so welcome!

Caregiver mother 😖🤦

😂im bi polor too! Hooray 😂😂

Be careful sometimes they kill your animals because you love them

My apologies 😕 please free yourself 💯💞🌹 I'm somewhat confused 🧐🤔🙄😨 please move on/out 🤔🧐 whatever it takes to "save you" 🥰💯💞🌹

Get out, Luff. No sane/reasonable person deserves that shit. I'm about the same age as you - so, keep in mind, this isn't forty years back, like our parents' generation, when people were far more isolated. This is the age of the internet - there's a fuck ton of much nicer, kinder people out there to hang with and they're easy to find with the right key word search :P. The vast majority of people are good. It's true that we're often confused or somehow struggling but most of us are decidedly good souls. You could throw a rock into a crowd and probably hit a much better person than the asshole you're currently hanging with.

@Luffy Pupperstein, I feel you. My X Narc said he was with 30.000 women. LOL. The numbers would go up through the 3 decades I was with him. I just have to laugh!

A. You're still young. B. A husband can ask about that presuming it is with a kind empathic intent. C. I'm guessing he's not the sensitive type. Hence, him being your future ex. Best wishes to you, Hazel.

He actually triggered my menopause symptoms! and he recognized it because he's one of the rare men who went through menopause himself. Menopause was even part of my diagnosis after the street brawl that initiated the court order that gave me an excuse to pull away from him--as was BPD, which I was grateful to know because for 25 years I had known that Major Depression was not the only thing going on with my brain! I frequently tell my current partner that I'm "menopausing," and he knows to keep a sheet between us so I won't overheat him. So different from the narcissist, who would pick fights with me when he noticed my temperature was up.

@@SurvivingNarcissismThank you for your informative and empathetic videos. He has a lot of the characteristics of a narcissist. This is just one of the many little jabs. When he said this to me I just asked him if he knew what menopause was. As usual he didn’t respond. Blessings to you and your family

@@sh6460 how are you supposed to know? Praying for peace in your heart ❤️

@@hazelskilos3993 thank you Hazel. Divorced almost 12 years, still dealing with their smear campaigns, manipulations, hate. I moved. Praying for you, hope your situation gets resolved without being too messy. God bless.

You’re spot on

CTSCAPER I'm really glad you wrote this because I've mentioned before that I can understand why most highly narcissistic individuals aren't able to own up to mistakes etc, due to being severely punished for minor, or normal childhood behaviours! Unfortunately, many were blamed for things they didn't even do, hence why it makes sense to develop a resistant coping mechanism, if THAT makes sense. I'm the eldest daughter in my beyond dysfunctional family, so was blamed for a lot of things, which my narcissistic younger sister even verified, yet I was a child doing the best to survive in a toxic situation too. I could write a lot more about what else happened, but it would be too much and don't have enough time now. I will mention that I used to have immense shame in regard to mistakes I'd made etc, to the point of wanting to commit suicide, which I did attempt when I was about 15 years old, until I learnt to be kinder to myself and understood that it's no wonder I've had so much trouble functioning in the world. I've also been harshly judged by many people over the years and had a habit of explaining my reasons, including the "unforgiveable crime" of relinquishing my daughter to give her a supposedly healthy family. It can sound like I'm blaming other people, but others WERE involved and I'm desperately wanting them to have empathy for my situation. ❤

Exactly. I have a friend whose parents have been dead for awhile; and she called me and was raging about how they ruined her life. Her parents may not have been good. Instead of taking charge of her life and learning from her mistakes, she is doing the blame game. It is as if she wants to take no responsibility for her life situation.

You are so welcome. Keep learning!

plausible deniabity & gaslighting their tools of the trade