Thank you very much for this video. It has given me clarity.

I don’t have a hard time forgiving people, so much as I have a hard time with them not seeing how they’ve hurt me and not caring. It’s never their fault.

Yes. Im in that situation for 20 years. My bullying sister has remained in denial. Thrown my forgiveness in my face. Refused to apologise. Pretends it never happened. I stopped all contact. She is toxic to me. Yet. I forgive her.

Forgiveness is the act of letting go of resentment, anger, or negative feelings towards someone who has wronged or hurt you. It is a decision to release the desire for revenge and to move on from the pain caused by the offending party. Forgiveness does not mean that you forget what has happened or that you condone the actions of the person who hurt you. Rather, it is a choice to free yourself from the burden of anger and bitterness, and to find peace and healing. Forgiveness can be a difficult and long process, but it can lead to a sense of closure and emotional well-being. It can also help to restore relationships understanding and empathy between people so your wrong forgiveness is for you not for them

Yep, forgiveness v. reconciliation. Different things entirely.

The inability to say sorry is directly proportional to the inability to take responsibility for your actions. I can forgive someone bit may be unable to live with them if they cannot take responsibility.

What do you do if you are in this situation with family members that you can't feasibly cut out of your life? How do you behave around them? They hurt you deeply, the bullied and emotionally abused you, you tried SO HARD to reach them, but they will not acknowledge that their behavior was wrong. What do you do when you are with them?

Forgiveness needs to be given w/ full consent of the victim of any kind w/o expecting anything from the one who wrong them. Otherwise your going to put yourself through a vicious cycle. If the person who wrongs you never apologizes to you of course it hurts but at that point that’s between them and God. It’s hard. The person wrongs you, we get no sorry, and then Jesus asks us to pray for them. It’s tough, but that’s what it is to carry your cross.

Give yourself the freedom to let it go and move on... Then leave the person who wronged you in the past where they belong. Keep it moving. People are selfish and when they don’t atone for they’re wrong doings, they don’t deserve the blessing of your presence, loyalty, friendship, or love. Don’t hold any animosity, but release that person with the animosity too.

With people who can’t look inside themselves and accept an apology from someone who is truly sorry is committing the sin of unforgiveness

My question just answered! Thank you for this short and concrete explanation.

Wow this information was amazing. There is so much information about forgiving our enemies but absolutely NOTHING about any insight to when the person you want to forgive will NOT accept your forgiveness. Thank you so much for your insights. God bless you.

In accordance with this word and mark 11:25, 2 corinthians 6:14-18 I loosen myself of every unequal yoke and common share of reconciliation with those who are not sorry of their deeds while being forgiven by me, in the name and blood of Jesus Christ, amen and hallelujah!

Very helpful. Thank you from someone who's listening 7 years after this was posted

Some people parents dont believe they have to ever apologize it makes you see them. As they really are full of disdain and pride.forgive them for yourself and watch.out later not to get that involved in Personal matters ...people that wont apologize aint worth the Intimacy of being close to you and most of the time they could. Care less.......

Best explanation I’ve heard on the two parts of forgiveness. Thank you

This is brilliant. Could relate to sooooo much of this!

Wow thank you so much. I think this saved my life .

Thank you for your video, bring strength and understanding in my life

Good word Brother....I'm going to get the book you recommended. Thanks and keep up the great work!!

I had to find a video to watch. Was trying to study for school but I have so much rage within me. Not to hurt anyone, but I am simply not over many things that has happened. My family have done me wrong in so many ways, and no one understands why I am so distant.

Really helpful - thank you!

extremely helpful - God has to inject that compassion which cuts away the bitterness. I've been trying to get rid of my bitterness more on my own than depending on God through prayer to give me compassion for the person who hurt me.

Very insightful and balanced.

That is an amazing way to see God in your life, when you feel sadness for someone who has sinned against you but doesn't want forgiveness.

Very good... Thank you !

I have friends that find it difficult to ask for forgiveness with words, so they over compensate with beautiful actions.

How can you tell the difference between unforgiveness and setting boundaries?

So when someone has done you very wrong and treated you horrible, Im the one with the faulty heart because I struggle with forgiving them (in the sense that I want a verbal "Im sorry for the pain I caused you"), and I am supposed to crawl in remorse for the sins that I have done?! Nah-a mister. The only person I sinned against is myself because I was too weak to stans up and leave and provide better for myself. And I forgive myself for that and I am making it up to me right now and in the future relationships I will have. But you are not answering the question. I want to be able to forgive and let go of that last resentment, so that I am free from this person. My HEART does NOT need to or understand that "I am" the one at fault here. There is a difference between knowing your own sweet heart and great it with love, to this guilting of oneself you so purpose.

Thank You For your video!

It isn't just that they refuse to say sorry, or ask forgiveness in return, it is also a matter of ownership of the offence and working on not reoffending. If that person repeatedly refuses to acknowledge what they did, puts the blame on you/others for their sin or outright denies/justifies/minimizes their sin, you still forgive them but must also sever contact with them. I stayed in an abusive relationship for 20+ years because of the faulty/dangerous advice of my pastor "you can't have true forgiveness w/out reconciliation" according to Matt. 5:21-24. I forgave, I reconciled, and I continually suffered abuse because my abuser didn't believe she was ever in the wrong! I just recently (4 weeks ago)completely severed ties with her and feel such a strong peace and joy in my life! God is good. I saw her once since then but that old guilt and fear didn't rise up in me. God is so very good!! I don't know if she is genuinely saved, that is not my call to make, but I do pray for her to humble herself before God and confess and repent of her sins. So, yes, forgive, but sometimes you have to end the relationship too.

thank you for this, Im in this situation right now

What if you keep being oppressed by that person, you try to move away but they don’t let you. Either you expose them or keep ‘out of their reach’ whenever possible. God knows… I want to trust that there will be ‘all for good’ at the end, but I long for that to happen…

Forgiveness is certainly a gift. It true that it takes a second person to receive that gift. However, forgiveness is primarily a gift that you give to yourself. It's helpful to the person being forgiven if they accept the gift but is not conditional on them accepting it.

Exactly my issue! Thank you.

I was thinking about this as you spoke. But I have learned that forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. We forgive them for ourselves, edifying God and our Lord Jesus Christ. God’s grace will take care of the rest! This is particularly hard for people with a spirit of rejection. God has dealt with me on this and has taken away many hurts by me being obedient. Amen.

Denied sorry and instead ignore, that's a definite double pain!....all you can do is say your words to heavens to heal your hearts

Thank you. God Bless you

its not just them refusing to say sorry! its they dont care if they were wrong or hurt you.

Forgiveness is for you, not the abuser. You first give before your receive.

They dont see it because they are not saved. The person I'm talking about that has abused me.

This was good!

thanks for this

thank u. It clears my head. I am a victim of toxic, abusive relationship. I was abused, raped and being cheated on. I just want an apology from my abuser. Never received one. But the abuser till this day constantly send me text saying how their lives are better now, what they are doing now etc. I made me gone crazy and I haven't slept in days due to recent episode. Thank u for this video :). I am not a Christian but may god bless everyone

I'm really touched by this video of forgiveness and other videos too. I bear to much grudges against people and at times I'm like trying to tell them I'm sorry but I really can't because of my foolish pride even if I have forgiven them of what they did in my heart,I still like feeling guilty of not being forgiven by them and by God!

Thank you .

Thank YOU! I am experiencing that grief now. This helps.

He started out really good & said some helpful things but I still get a real answer to the question.

I don’t have trouble anymore forgiving people. My Lord has shown me so many crappy things I’ve done, that He’s forgiven me for, that I have zero hesitancy in forgiving others. Even if they don’t say they are sorry, it’s cool. I had no clue that my words and behaviors had been perceived as they had. I give others the same benefit. I’m not saying that relationships stay the same... but just like I have had to accept consequences, I ALSO received Godly examples of love and forgiveness, which helped me to grow in Christ. I’m happy to emulate those examples and help someone else to grow, to be put in reserve and taken out later for them. Because I don’t have remembrance of those who acted spitefully in my blindness, I only remember those who were merciful. They are the ones who stand out, to whom I am grateful to.

Very clear

It's funny the "Christians" are the ones I'm dealing with who refuses to apologize on how evil they've been, hurtful, and malicious. It's a shame.

To me forgiveness means to move on and not wanting to see the abuser get "punished" - esp in cases where abuse is in the past. BUT forgiveness does not mean forgetting - bc some victims will continue to remain in the abusive relationship since they keep "forgetting" the past abuse. Just mho

I'm struggling so very much with this its killing me almost to be able to release forgiveness to the ones who have abused me , because they aren't repentant. It's been simmering for about 12years now & I want to forgive I determined to do so 12yrs ago but my pain hasn't gone & I don't understand what God wants me to say or do here, other than he wants me to forgive which I've made up mind to do but my emotions won't settle all the sick inner feelings have ruined my life for many years & I'm tired of carrying bitter feelings & painful feelings.. Lord help 🙏🏽 😞 🙏🏽

My husband still won't apologize to me after i said i have church today but he walked out and just got home and got no apology from him

You described me perfectly "wearing myself out" trying to seek reconciliation from someone who frankly could CARE LESS. You speak of the "double dose of pain" that awaits us, and is so true. In modern terms, its called Stockholm Syndrome. That's where the abuse victim winds up becoming an accomplice to the abuse for their efforts to forgive. What happens next is that THEY then begin to dish out the same abuse that they received. You asserted that what happens next is that the Christian settles with the comfort of thinking that this person is basically going to hell. THAT IS NOT FORGIVENESS. That is REVENGE. I have a better idea. How about we obey our God-given instincts, and AVOID that person? How about we NEVER FORGET what they did to us, so that WE don't BECOME LIKE THEM, and we don't allow them to DESTROY us any further??? I know this goes just a bit against the Christian theological thinking, but at some point ya got come to the realization that offering your cheek for more abuse just after the other cheek has been SMASHED, might not be such a good idea.

No one ever asks me to forgive them , because I am a small person. They make fun, abuse, smile, laugh at me, enjoy and repeat. What do I do?

I have experienced this very thing with a close relative who abused me when I was a teenager. As an adult I put many miles between us but I felt as a Christian I needed to forgive. So, I wrote him a letter offering forgiveness, but over many years he never responded or attempted to contact me. In the months before his death I visited him several times at his home and then Hospice. His mind was clear, but he never mentioned the topic, never said he was sorry. I think he felt he had done nothing wrong. I could not overcome the sense of repulsion I felt toward him and could not even hug him as he was dying. He died without ever acknowledging the barrier between us and his wrongdoing.

Thank you. Just realised I need to forgive my narc. father and my husband with similar traits I'm getting thru divorce with. Praying to God to leave the hatred behind and forgive without reconciliation.

The book "Total Forgiveness" is the best resource.

It is most difficult to forgive someone who chronically sins against me, I get forgiveness fatigue. And most of the time I can't even forgive because there is no apology.

Like they say, you can forgive someone for what they said to you; you can forgive someone for what they did to you (murdering you aside, obviously); but the hardest thing to forgive someone for is how they made you feel, and that directly deals with the heart - the seat of emotions. And, yet, isn't it ironic that the heart is directly where the forgiveness must come from? What a dilemma......

I’m not sure he answers the question?

Are we to forgive someone who does not ask to be forgiven? Does God forgive my sins if I do not ask to be forgiven? In other words, am I held to a different standard? I'm not sure you answered that.

Thank you for this video. Forgiveness has been a struggle for me, as the person who hurt me (my aging mother) continues to do so. Every time I reach out to her, it's like sticking my hand in a badgers cage. She is old and feeble, and truly needs my help - but every conversation with her is punishing. Can a person forgive in such a way as to protect their hearts from further abuse?

i need this book😢Thank you. But how do you know you've truly forgiven someone if the memories keep coming back and making you sick inside? How do you let go mentally and in your heart? This person has destroyed me. Can you pls do a video on this?

My husband is extremely verbally abusive to me and never says hes sorry. How do i keep forgiving him? Please hive me some advice

The inability to acknowledge sin in a human relationship is a direct result of the inability to acknowledge and confess sin before God. That is always the core issue.

But does it mean to associate with the person??

It doesn't matter if the person or people who hurt you do not apologize..we are to forgive them anyway. Forgiveness relieves us of the pain and poisons that are toxic to our soul and allows us to ask for forgiveness.

Help! What do you do when you forgive and the person keeps doing the harmful things after they apologized?

This is hard oh my gawd it’s so hard 😩…. To forgive with no apology or sincere apology at that and repentance…..

Baltimore Catechism of the Catholic Church, Question 816. Why are we advised to bear wrongs patiently and to forgive all injuries? Answer. We are advised to bear wrongs patiently and to forgive all injuries, because, being Christians, we should imitate the example of Our Divine Lord, who endured wrongs patiently and who not only pardoned but prayed for those who injured Him.

i just want to drop this burden i’ve been carrying for three months

Can I forgive someone and still not want them back in my life? Is that even forgiveness? They never apologised, and I have no interest in having them being a part of my life going forward, but for my own peace of mind, I feel I need to forgive them. I don't mind apologising for the hurt I caused, but I don't want them to feel I am inviting them back into my life by apologising and also saying I forgive them.

Book Called to Forgive by Reverend Anthony B. Thompson.

I DON'T. I can not even forgive now if they do say sorry. Years!!

A secular way to teach about forgiveness is...in the beginning of the movie Karate Kid II when Mr. Miyagi taught the blond karate instructor a lesson. Daniel tells Mr. Miyagi: You could have killed him, why didn't you? Mr. Miyagi responded: Because, Daniel son, for person with no forgiveness in heart, living worse punishment than death. Oh wow, I don't know what Mr. Miyagi meant by that but it does sound powerful even if it's not a christian teaching. Worse punishments than death.

Matthew 10:14

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me on Easter 17th which is a couple weeks ago now. He's put me through pain this passed weeks. he's treating me like a nobody since after the breakup he went cold and abusive to me yelled at me called me a b**** I confronted him to tell him how I felt and he just blocks me. I feel he's not being a man and apologizing to me. He's betrayed my trust he dated someone else right after the breakup. He's dating some online girl he met well I was still in pain. He's told me during the relationship last year saying he can't be with me anymore if I plan on having kids he told me he's a pedohile 😞💔 he said these hurtful things to me and I don't know what to believe.

What if it was your literal brother that tried killing you? Not only that, but they justified the act. How do you forgive them?

I never received such gift. Why I should to give it? To give something. They didn't give me anything. Why I shiuld?

How when you forgive and the person is not repentent. You can forgive from your heart … but the magic of attraction is gone.

Wife admits 20 yrs of a grude, covering lies, You say I forgive, and realize they have never stopped the behavior....1 year after the admissions. Now what...realizing the marriage has been sabotaged, like a double agent spy. Or if a spouse says I have poisoned our water in the past, continuously.......you check the water and see she is still doing it.

You can not forgive those who are not sorry. God doesn't, reality doesn't, faking it or pretending is just delusional. Forbear them or forget them, if the refuse to repent

Is it okay to watch your videos if you're not christian

I can't forgive emotional manipulators

To forgive someone has nothing to do with sorry

Forgiveness doesn't require reconsilliation. In fact, the other party doesn't need to be remorseful or even present. So weird.

I completely agree, and I have something to say; but before I begin, I should point out that the following does not by any means advocate for politics. I'm using the following as an allegory for why we should find ways to forgive. When the Devil swept the third of the stars of heaven with his tail, God and Saint Michael and the other elect angels drove the Devil and his angels out from heaven. (Revelation 12:4-9) When America comes under attack, we respond through declaration of war. If when someone commits to home invasion and threatens our lives, we have every right to defend ourselves. For someone to foolishly attack us and dominate our lives for no reason whatsoever, this should be dealt with most harshly. I have this American mindset for fighting back, which for any American this shouldn't be denied. The reality is, we would rather stomp out the threat and make sure the enemy doesn't get back up than let them attack us again. It's exactly how we feel about the offender because they fired the first shot at us, yet at some point in life, whether you're elderly or you're on your deathbed, old hatreds must one day die hard. It's why I came here searching for ways to forgive others who had wronged me. I find it very inappropriate for someone to tell me, as a Christian, to simply forgive the other person, just because the Bible tells us we should. For me, this goes against my own humanity because I must now suck it up, because it builds moral character, so drop it and move forward. It's all old news, so nobody cares about how you feel. This approach makes others feel that this kind of forgiveness is unjustified, because now you're blaming the victim simply because he feels he wants the other person to pay for what they've done unless he forgives the offender, like it's okay and it's all in the past. After all, their actions should not go unpunished and they must stand and answer, whether they like it or not. For me to truly see the offender's true character for me to forgive them, they must acknowledge their wrongdoing, which most offenders will never do. It's their stubborn pride that makes them toxic, short-fused, edgy, and so damned pissed-off from the beginning. Don't get me wrong; I've said and done things I wished I hadn't, yet my heart always presses me to reveal all the bad because it's how I "keep the slate clean." I feel that I could not hold back such secrets, which is why I continually spill the beans. The point I'm making is, I wish the common offender does just that, yet stubborn pride tells the latter to remain hostile to you. On the other hand, it's better if that person is an open enemy, than a false friend," (Greek Proverb) yet even that does not excuse the offender. We want to see the person repent and acknowledge their wrongdoings and shed their pride. Human fear drives us into wanting something to be done right on the spot before we die. Ghost-Hunters say that a spirit still carries its emotions after death. I pray that one day, God will help me diffuse all this negative build-up. All I would ask of him is to tear out all of these roots of corruption and cast those into the fire, so I may watch all that burn. This way, at least I know that I have finally forgiven my offenders, so that my soul may rest in peace. For said offenders who still see your apology and forgiveness as some kind of joke, that's their problem. like Florecita Gonzalez says, it's between them and God. He will be the not-so-human judge who preaches turn-or-burn sermons towards them and talk more about hellfire than the heavens above. After all, the Lord opposes the proud but exalts the brokenhearted. (James 4:6) God bless America, and Peace of Earth. Amen.

Well said. I think the words for the incomplete forgiveness, biblically, is forbearance. God forbears sinners, but doesn’t forgive them until they repent, until they want it.

I forgave my sister and her husband for what they have done in the past but they don't have no guilty conscience and keep stealing till I had nothing left that was worth stealing from them they just had no shame they knew they did me wrong and didn't care)

I’m confused, and would love any thoughts anyone has. I understand that we as believers should extend grace and work to not hold things over people. But, does God forgive people who don’t ask for it? If I’m not mistaken, he doesn’t. People aren’t really saved and don’t get his grace/mercy/forgiveness until people ask for it. So I don’t understand why we would do something that God doesn’t even do? Now I’d someone asked for it, we need to be ready to forgive (like God would). And we need to not be holding bitterness before they ask. But, by definition, can’t forgiveness literally not be given unless someone is asking for it? Maybe it’s just terminology I’m confused about.

Just don’t. Don’t go around causing a scene to get revenge. Just make sure they will never succeed ever again.

Most of the time its not feasable.

The answer is who cares!

Forgiveness is not a compulsion from God. Not forgive is not a sin either. But calling God for judgement is not a sin either. The benchmark of God is, if someone did wrong against you, bear patience, but if cannot you can what was done to you (Nothing evil). If anything evil call upon God for judgement between you and the one who did evil. And wait for His justice.

I have a sincere question, I hope you'll answer me.... Jesus doesn't forgive what isn't Confessed or at least A heart if repentance that says please forgive me of all known and unknown transgression... he won't forgive unless we ask, yet we have to forgive when they do not ask???. The word says to forgive when Asked for forgiveness but where does it say to forgive when it isn't asked?.

Why do most women never see what they say when they are wrong

You don’t.

Does God forgive unrepentant people? No, and so I don't think he would expect us to either. But God WOULD expect that we love them even if we can't forgive them.