How Do I Set Boundaries With Family?

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4 жыл бұрын

How Do I Set Boundaries With Family?
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Пікірлер: 159

@thisizdub 4 жыл бұрын

Here's the crazy part. People will refuse to comprehend why you save so much and live below your means etc. (even though you explained it) THE SAME PEOPLE will constantly lean on you for money but won't take up the lifestyle you live

@ipromisethatserendipityisa9656 4 жыл бұрын

accurate af

@Vanessabobessa10 4 жыл бұрын

Yep

@bosshismoney4424 4 жыл бұрын

thisizdub this sounds like my experience with one of my sisters. It’s really shocks me.

@lovethemflowers 4 жыл бұрын

@ thisizdub - That’s the problem with these people. The misbehave with money, then get in a pinch. Do they go to their other goofball friends who are also broke, or do they go to someone they know has savings they can possibly spare (because this someone is smarter with money!)?

@GUURL101 4 жыл бұрын

This is my mom to a T!!

@sharyn4271 4 жыл бұрын

My mom used to have a book called When Helping You is Hurting Me. Seems like a good read in this situation.

@chiefs816kc 4 жыл бұрын

That is a really good title for a book.

@anitaknight3915 4 жыл бұрын

Very good title

@SteelRhinoXpress 4 жыл бұрын

What was it about?

@sharyn4271 4 жыл бұрын

SteelCity1981 I was young when my mom had it on her bookshelf. I didn't read it.

@lanessiacarrington8283 4 жыл бұрын

I have a similar book. When helping others is hurting you

@bosshismoney4424 4 жыл бұрын

There is a thin line between helping and enabling someone.

@pic376 4 жыл бұрын

Like the song says There's a thin line between love and hate.

@rebeccaoprea9917 4 жыл бұрын

I say the same exact thing!

@deanalbertson7203 4 жыл бұрын

Part of that is what are they doing to help themselves.

@bosshismoney4424 4 жыл бұрын

Dean Albertson right !

@bosshismoney4424 4 жыл бұрын

sylvester cayetano 😂

@rebeccaoprea9917 4 жыл бұрын

You can’t get mad at people for overstepping boundaries when you didn’t put any up in the first place . You’re teaching them how to treat you .

@anitaknight3915 4 жыл бұрын

Very wise words!! We teach others how to treat us. I feel family members can take advantage of you the most because they have a sense of entitlement that because your related to help them it's okay to use & abuse you!

@rebeccashields9626 4 жыл бұрын

Truth.

@rebeccaoprea9917 4 жыл бұрын

Anita Knight absolutely just learned this lesson the hard way after the I took the test on repeat my whole life .

@anitaknight3915 4 жыл бұрын

@@rebeccaoprea9917 huni I had to learn this lesson as well the hard way!! I'm a counselor also so I'm constantly learning boundaries lol. You can really overgive in a selfless way that is not balanced and harmful to you. I think a lot of us are kind, giving, empathetic, and "helpers" where people including family can take advantage greatly of that nature. I learned it's much more empowering to allow the person to get it together to help themselves than intervening and always helping otherwise it becomes enabling. It creates a dependence and expectation to always rely on you which can lead to resentment and feeling used. People have to take responsibility to better themselves. The problem is people can guilt trip & manipulate you to give them their way. I know I'm guilty for being upset & angry at people for overstepping boundaries but I never stepped up to share my feelings or establish them. I tended to take things for too long because I never learned boundaries or how to state my needs and concerns. It's vital we have them.

@rebeccaoprea9917 4 жыл бұрын

Anita Knight I could not have said it better myself! Same thing. I’ve been through it all .

@IamtheGL 4 жыл бұрын

If they are not willing to respect your set boundaries, do not be afraid to go no contact.

@aubreymeade8145 4 жыл бұрын

Easier said than done. Very hard.

@Nectarine333 3 жыл бұрын

@@aubreymeade8145 agreed

@anthonycopter1068 4 ай бұрын

I've learned this the hard way many times with people. People don't care that I have abandoment issues, they'll still disown me. It's hard to treat people right when everyone is treating me poorly. Thankfully that was two years ago. But you are right

@anthonycopter1068 4 ай бұрын

@@aubreymeade8145Especially when you know the person you are disowning has abandonment issues

@yocampout 4 жыл бұрын

I understand this so so much. I tried it Dave's way and I got "my finances are not your business", "I'd do it for you", "all y'all care about is money" and my fave..."maybe God blessed you so you could help me"😩😩😩. This situation is super hard.

@aqqibabs 4 жыл бұрын

How does someone even dare say such things to you?! The entitlement is astonishing in the world right now!

@wkdravenna 4 жыл бұрын

♥️ some of us understand completely. Find peace.

@anitaknight3915 4 жыл бұрын

Manipulation to get you to give in at its finest! Keep building your finances and to not budge on your boundaries. Sometimes NO is the most loving thing you can do otherwise you're enabling them

@charlalee3859 4 жыл бұрын

Try maybe God has blessed me with so much that I can be a living example to on how become self sufficient so you don't have to be dependent on no man. So me constantly giving you money is against God's will.

@michelarosier1918 4 жыл бұрын

In my opinion, they need to fits there own life, because you personally have yourself to take care of. If you can make a change, they also need to make their own decisions for themselves as well. The Bill's + taxes will be around forever. We, all have crazy in our family's. Wow.

@CaseyBurnsInvesting 4 жыл бұрын

Over time these shows have helped me navigate problems I’ve yet to face or to help those around me who will face these problems. It’s helped to have the words to console others. I appreciate Dave’s show, wisdom, and opinion for those reasons.

@ShesReady2Live 4 жыл бұрын

I grew up with parents who never saved for anything. Bad choices their whole life. Now as I am older Im trying to unlearn these things I grew up with and pay off what little debt I have and buy a home. Something they never even tried to do. It frustrates me that my trying to better my life has made my mom slightly resentful and jealous. I wish there was more encouragement and support and I didn't have to ask for that from her. That it was just given with love. Trying to deal with that energy as I work towards a better life is not the easiest and I find myself feeling guilty for succeeding where she did not. How do you deal with the guilt of moving on from a toxic financial upbringing when family doesn't try to better their own habits?

@jackmichaelbmx 4 жыл бұрын

every one is responsible for they own well being.

@diplomatdiplomat2800 4 жыл бұрын

You don't have to feel guilty at all. You're not responsible for them. If you feel resentment and jealousy from family members, start distancing yourself from them gradually and without announcements. Limit your exposure to their negative energy and do not share any further information about your financial goals, activities, etc. If you can't avoid sharing this information regarding your finances, then say as little as possible using vague statements, etc. Above all, I would like to inform you that Jesus Christ loves you very much and deeply cares about you and you need Him

@miss.moon.alyssa 4 жыл бұрын

Diplomat said it right.

@ninam1061 4 жыл бұрын

I have a similar issue. I was raised by a single mom on minimum wage, she never tried to aim higher and she only started working when she was left on her own and burned through the savings she took from my dad. I then got myself through nursing school and got a decent paying job, as soon as I did that she stopped working and told me it was my responsibility to support her. She’s only 55 and able to work but she refuses, she also refuses to move out of my apartment. I feel like it’s holding me back financially and I still feel like I’m struggling and not being able to save while making 80k a year.

@ShesReady2Live 4 жыл бұрын

nina m congrats on getting yourself through nursing school first of all! I can't believe she thinks its your responsibility to support her. Especially if she was working before. Im sorry. My mom is not in the best of health but she also does not do anything to improve her situation either which frustrates me beyond belief. I feel like once I move out again her health just might take a nosedive because if shes not looking after it now shes not going to once I move out. I keep telling myself that I don't exist solely to make her life easy but seeing her just lay around and watch tv all day every day is really depressing. I do everything, cook, clean, shopping, laundry plus work and try to have my own life. I pay rent and buy the groceries and household needs and she just buys stuff off home shopping stations. I know I need to remove myself from this toxic environment but also feel such guilt about it, like I am abandoning my mother. But I need my own life!

@JadeTrading 4 жыл бұрын

Sometimes it's hard to set boundaries with family.

@annalexander22 4 жыл бұрын

@All Seeing EYE Hard to do that if you're living in tge same house.😖

@michelarosier1918 4 жыл бұрын

It's so true. I done that, but realized I need to take care of myself and not let my families bad behavior control me, I can't save every body, only myself.

@Nectarine333 3 жыл бұрын

@@michelarosier1918 well said. I needed to hear that today

@sarahgbadebo9415 2 жыл бұрын

Yup, it’s always hard, but it must be done

@s1234pro 4 жыл бұрын

Tina, try telling your brother and his family that you simply cannot afford to support them.

@anniealexander9616 4 жыл бұрын

Call your brother and ask for money. See how fast he tells you No!

@financialfox8088 4 жыл бұрын

Setting boundaries with family is tough

@deanalbertson7203 4 жыл бұрын

Good advice. One way to set boundaries is to say I can afford $100 per month out of my budget to help you. I care about you, but I have a budget that I need to stick to.

@michelarosier1918 4 жыл бұрын

I just said, No. if you example the other things why you can't gave them that money. It lend up to a agreement.

@CurtMortis 4 жыл бұрын

I love how John is not afraid to jump into the calls when it is in his area. The other Ramsay on air personalitys always wait for Dave's cue for permission to talk.

@anthonyc362 4 жыл бұрын

I knew the brother would have more than one kid. People like that usually do. Those kids beat the odds and are doing well according to the cooler, that is great news.

@IjeomaEjiogu 4 жыл бұрын

Yes! "You start to feel crazy when you're dealing with crazy." That is 100% true. I also love Dr. John Delony's mental health perspective on wholeness and healing (which ties wonderfully in personal finance; a lot of our money decisions are rooted in emotions). I'd love to see a faith-centered Ramsey personality in the future (Reverend/Pastor/etc.). It may be a bit niche but I believe people place/receive a lot of pressure and guilt on misinterpretations/conflations of religious text (ie. the Bible) when it comes to wealth, giving/sharing, etc.

@patti9339 4 жыл бұрын

What is her sister in law going to do when the callers brother passes away? She needs to be working.

@lexieshores3889 4 жыл бұрын

Not to be cruel, but if the husband has a short life expectancy, his wife and son have to look toward the day when their husband/father is no longer there. Then what will they do financially?

@offgridjack5779 3 жыл бұрын

Try to move in on the caller.

@daisyflores391 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you guys, I just utilized this on my brother and he took it well so far, DEFINITELY START WITH “I love you”

@ellewhitworth9696 4 жыл бұрын

“Stupid is not illegal.” Needs to be on merch.

@Vanessabobessa10 4 жыл бұрын

I have reached this point with my family as well. I am tired of making all the decisions and supporting. Its running me ragged.

@houseofmatrix6174 2 жыл бұрын

Im sorry you going through this but I’m glad that you watch the video. In my family I have always step up for them all they do is blame me for all the issues. So for once I’m tired to be hero. I’m finally establishing boundaries

@Europa1749 2 жыл бұрын

Sitting down to reason with people who rely on you financially often goes nowhere. They don't want words - they want what you can provide to them.

@grantaugustyniak6667 Жыл бұрын

I flat out told my 50 some year old brother & his wife ( after my Mom passed ) I love you - BUT I’m NOT MOM … period. He got the message. I don’t hear from them but that is their choice, not mine . Never Ever feel bad about telling the truth. People like this only pray on others that give in to them. They are takers their whole life & always playing the victim.

@williamnettleton3413 4 жыл бұрын

We can't control what other people do and how they react. We do our part to love them and help them but if they don't want it. We can't change that and we have to be okay with this response. It's hard to do, but it's right.

@DavidGeorgiaPersonalFinance 4 жыл бұрын

funding misbehavior is different than helping someone who is trying and in a bad spot.

@GUURL101 4 жыл бұрын

The wife not holding a job down consistently when she knows her husband is disabled is misbehavior

@richstacks4219 4 жыл бұрын

This situation right here smh....there are 3 adults, let’s just say rent is $1300 for a two bedroom. The husband makes 600, all his wife has to do is make $1000-1200 a month. A part time job at 25 hours a week at $10 a hour will bring you close to $1000 a month. A 40 hr week at $11 a hour will get you $1400 after taxes. Take the husbands 600 and the wife adds 700 you have your rent money. Then you have $400-800 on food, gas, insurance etc. the 18 year old can contribute $100-200 bucks a month. Just have to stay on budget!

@ChristopherDonnerArtist Жыл бұрын

Yes, I went through a really dificult time . I had helped my family for years financially . The moment I started suffering financially due to health reasons they threw me under the bus !

@mandarue5104 Жыл бұрын

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're doing better!

@tinapetrie9813 3 жыл бұрын

I've constantly helped my brother financially and lied to me. After that, I cut ties with him.

@Ink30 Жыл бұрын

😔 try to have some kind of relationship with him just nothing financially related I had to do the same with my brother and dad. cause life is short

@00Noontide 3 жыл бұрын

Tough call. Good guys, lots of wisdom and kindness 🙏🏻

@Lucienne-zz1sw 6 ай бұрын

This is a very valuable video, in terms of its advice. I had a friend whose mother in law was badly taken advantage of by one of her sons. My friend's husband helped to look after her and never asked for money, but the other son did constantly. This was made worse by the mother in law losing her mental capacity. She paid off the mortgage for the son who sponged off her and he just re-mortgaged, twice. She also paid bills for them and bought vehicles for them. Once you enable this sort of abuse, it can get worse and worse. She also got taken advantage of by unscrupulous fraudulent non qualified contractors, who used to turn up to her house and say that her roof needed repairing, and she paid for it. A truly despicable state of affairs. Some people have no shame.

@PublicNuisance2K24 Ай бұрын

I graduated college and my family went nuts lol even my own grandmother! Crazy! Jealousy and envy is poison!

@pic376 4 жыл бұрын

To a certain extent, I blame the caller on enabling that behavior. I would have set them straight a long time ago. I would have given them a few months to get their act together or I leave. Some family members just believe in LEACHING on other family members. Disgusting!

@mandysimmons2769 4 жыл бұрын

Here in the south Publix will hire old and young, and even folks ( like my grand nephew ) wtih developmental disabilities as long as they can stand on their feet and walk buggies out and bag up groceries. I'm sure there are grocery stores in DC that will do that too.

@marcoinvesting5339 4 жыл бұрын

Your channel has literally made me start a personal finance channel. Thanks for the motivation *DAVE*

@IamtheGL 4 жыл бұрын

I wish you success on your channel. Please do not turn into a Andre Corniel

@marcoinvesting5339 4 жыл бұрын

@@IamtheGL thank you GL! I talk cover more topics than Andre (just looked him up), my channel is about side hustles, saving tips and investing :)

@djpuplex 4 жыл бұрын

Exactly why I don't hand money to beggars, teach a man to fish otherwise you are enabling.

@Lucienne-zz1sw 6 ай бұрын

I think one of the most important things, illustrated by Dr John at the start, is that when a mother died, is that you should not try to take over the deceased person's responsibilities. You can devote a lot of time to this, thinking it is your moral duty to do so, and be severely taken advantage of.

@johnmarkreddick8496 Жыл бұрын

Family is often your biggest setback and enemy. I don’t take the word “enemy” lightly!

@mr.knowbody1988 4 жыл бұрын

Crazy, I thought my life is hard. Keep ur heads up! Great ep.

@sunset_star503 3 жыл бұрын

this is one of the most depressing calls in dave ramsey, mom died and brother has a year left, makes me feel happier with my life.

@Jesseg-rj6xf 4 жыл бұрын

Anybody else miss when Dave was running solo on these videos?

@dorisrisner809 4 жыл бұрын

Honestly, sometimes I fast forward to get to his speaking part lol

@jaybrook07 4 жыл бұрын

Me. This Dr. guy is completely useless. I'm just here for Dave

@jillroberts609 4 жыл бұрын

No.

@Christina-ds7qk 4 жыл бұрын

I like Dr d!

@mirandahuerta 4 жыл бұрын

Not me. I think his show is much better now with the doctor!

@CarnivoreStork 4 жыл бұрын

If the wife hasn’t dove in whole heartily to find full time or 2 part time jobs already, FP is not going to spur her on. They are going to resent the sister, and lie to her that they finished ‘listening’ to FP and they want their $1000. The 2 other adult children should be concerned...where is their concern?

@lovethemflowers 4 жыл бұрын

@ herbielina - This sister should quiz the brother and sister-iin-law to be SURE they went through the whole class. She could ask what they learned from each week. I wouldn’t let them get away with lying about finishing if they didn’t.

@katherinesmith235 4 жыл бұрын

Agreed. I don't think the caller should give one more penny. But I'm wondering as well if she truly has the money to give. Some people think if they have a shirt left on their back they owe it to their family. Those two adult children are probably terrified (rightly) that mom, dad and brother will take them down with them

@xGiUsAx 4 жыл бұрын

I'd always rather Dave just answer these and not the other guys

@Azidoazideazide. 4 жыл бұрын

This is another clip that seems to indicate that dr. John is improving his people skills. I really hope he has paid attention to how people have received his advice and how he talks to people. I really do not want to hate the guy I hope he is actively trying to improve himself.

@jrltv6692 4 жыл бұрын

Getting richer from partly your advice

@dummgelauft 4 ай бұрын

Sad situation. But if the brother has a rather short time to live..just let things be.

@5trace 4 жыл бұрын

He truly is ill and 600 isn't much too live on..I would imagine they are struggling not splurging....Just a thought. If his wife is capable of doing more then she should be.

@sharondoan1447 Сағат бұрын

The wife was sucking the blood out of her husband’s mother without an ounce of shame. She lived on the retirement income of an old lady until the lady died. Even that has not motivated her to get a job. Tina’s brother needs to use his Medicaid status to move into a nursing home. His wife can fend for herself.

@williamnettleton3413 4 жыл бұрын

Okay he is a passive aggressive brother, so what. Doesn't change anything. I know my brother is screwing up his life and when my parents pass eventually he will be in trouble, but he has all the tools he needs to have a good life. He just needs to do it.

@gardenofe12 3 жыл бұрын

Is there any reason why her nephew and sister in law is not working and providing some sort of financial help to themselves and not relying on her ??

@genwilson7741 4 жыл бұрын

Stupid is not illegal.

@wp699 2 жыл бұрын

I think the best way to maintain boundaries in a household is not let people outside the immediate family move in and to have a father around

@willelliott5052 3 жыл бұрын

I strongly suspect that her brother's largest medical problem is a severe allergy to work.

@Ink30 Жыл бұрын

Bahahahahaha

@jessicajohnson8878 4 жыл бұрын

love you dave

@topcomment3816 4 жыл бұрын

Love you Jess

@Bill0102 6 ай бұрын

Admirably detailed and immersive; much like a book that immersed readers completely. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Author Name

@stephengamber7000 8 ай бұрын

Greedy grasping people will blame others and get angry when the money spigot gets turned off.

@koldbloodedentertainment5900 4 жыл бұрын

yes but most of us get into bad debt what I mean by that is you buy things you really do not need I use debt to make more like buying a business or buying real estate and there Benefits of doing cos of the tax code and much more some using debt that way makes me way more money for Example if I go to the bank, say I want to buy 10 Million real estates I only have to put down 5% that is 500K and I can buy 10 houses stead of or weather of buying one house so I made more money use debt to do that cos I only had 500k to start with so in 3 to 5 years I just Double or Triple and maybe even quadruple my money soI got richer faster by taking debt that is what debt is supposed to be used for not for buying things you do not need or want so when most people call into the Dave Ramsey show they usually have Income problem or having a Spending problem also having Student loans that is were the problem is not on how I use debt and yes I always pay my debt back immediately or the fastest I can and the way I use debt like that is called Leveraging your money in this case it is my money

@thefoodwench4848 2 жыл бұрын

The brother may be eligible for for housing assistance and maybe his wife needs to work full Time. The caller needs to stop giving him money. If she wants to give them grocery gift cards now and then ok but that’s it. The brother will deal with it emotionally when he has no choice. As will the wife.

@koldbloodedentertainment5900 4 жыл бұрын

and my Question to you Mr.Ramsey how come do not talk about using debt to make more money or Leveraging your money please make a video on your show talking about this please and thank you and I do not believe all debt is bad on the way I am using it and I love the show and please keep up the good work helping others looking forward to the video and thank you and have a great day and please say safe

@timwiechmann1519 2 ай бұрын

Don't tell family how much you have

@TheStockWatch 4 жыл бұрын

set boundaries by literally setting boundaries.. a fence😂😂😂

@tmcorey1 3 жыл бұрын

The man needs to be in a nursing home, and the son and mother will figure it out.

@jrltv6692 4 жыл бұрын

I just tell them I will manage their money, end of conversation

@jrltv6692 4 жыл бұрын

All Seeing EYE I won’t be giving you money

@leofredette19 7 ай бұрын

They miss spend their money, because their Cash machine ( YOU ) can be counted on for FREE MONEY!!!

@sharondoan1447 Сағат бұрын

I see no reason why Tina needs to give them any money. Your brother’s wife is lazy and that’s the bottom line. If your brother only has $600 a month in disability income, that means he would qualify for a Medicaid nursing home. The wife and the 18 year old are holding him back from having a better life. He cannot do better, they can.

@jvolstad 4 жыл бұрын

Doctor John? What is he a doctor of?

@steelcastle5616 4 жыл бұрын

Doesn't seem like much.

@Preservestlandry 4 жыл бұрын

Education, he was the dean of a university.

@steelcastle5616 4 жыл бұрын

@@Preservestlandry Which college?

@anitaknight3915 4 жыл бұрын

I believe he's a psychologist

@heileens Жыл бұрын

Good luck finding a job that makes enough money

@justinborysenko3885 4 жыл бұрын

Her brother has 16 months to live. Give them 1k a quarter for a year but offer them FP to help

@queen.kristal8395 4 жыл бұрын

I wonder if he is on the kidney list?i would try to see if there a match to save his life.

@queen.kristal8395 4 жыл бұрын

Gina McAdory well I knew someone was on it but every body is different and it takes a strain on your body.also shortens life span. getting a kidney is way better and u will have a healthier and longer life.

@taahdaah3813 4 жыл бұрын

My mom lived 15 years on dialysis

@topcomment3816 4 жыл бұрын

You are very generous with someone else’s money.

@brittrblackwell 4 жыл бұрын

Um no! 1. She may not have that to give. 2 She is not obligated to support people who refuse to support themselves. 3 that wouldn't do much of anything to help, they would still be asking for money. Why don't you give them that money?

@christy2235 4 жыл бұрын

John needs more experience off air. I feel like he doesn’t have enough life experience or maturity to answer any of these calls. The advice is delivered in such a disorganized and confusing way when John is on the air.

@jefftube58 2 жыл бұрын

This is a bad situation all around. She should cease giving them money all together, and not resume. The chances of these people actually going through a financial program and then applying it consistently in their life is very slim, She loves her brother, and that's ok. What's not ok is enabling people who refuse to become responsible with money using your money.