Thank you for sharing so openly! It can be tough and I wish we had more conversations on how to "grow into the principle of revelation" as Joseph Smith said. Elder Rasband gave a talk while I was a missionary titled "Let the Holy Spirit Guide" that made a big difference for me, though indirectly. Another missionary is the same district began following Elder Rasband's invitation to pray every morning promising God to be a "spiritual first responder." He started having miraculous experiences and it was leading to learning about the church and even a miraculous healing experience. I wanted to have what he had. So I began praying every morning telling God that if He sent me a prompting, I would do my best to follow it. It took some time to actually begin following them. Usually the thoughts didn't make sense and I doubted them too much. But eventually I got the hang of it and it was a learning curve from there! Here is the talk. I highly recommend listening and taking up Elder Rasband's challenge: www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2017/04/let-the-holy-spirit-guide?lang=eng I also share a lot more about my experience growing in revelation in my book, which I am planning to publish on Amazon soon. I've been sharing copies amongst family and friends first.