When my daughter passed away last year, there are no words to express my sorrow, i too have cried and cried, i take walks by a pond with birds on it, it a distraction, but i cry there too, to me crying isnt a bad day, its how i get all the pain out, and thats helpful, its so hard and i truthfully hate it all, navigating it all is exhausting and so my go to saying is this. BE KIND TO YOURSELF YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN. I hope this encourages someone today and for those who are not in any grief, please be kind to those who are grieving its a very lonely process. ❤

Jen, you put into words all that i feel about grief, emotions, & feeling things generally - to me they have always been a nuisance & gotten in the way, & i'm in awe of how you are able to express in words what you are feeling during this difficult time you are going through just now. All the points you mention are so important from a practical, emotional, & spiritual point of view, & some of the hardest ones for me in the past have been self care, which is so important, esp when we are feeling bad because that's when we feel least like doing it; self compassion (i seem to give myself a hard time), as well as good, encouraging self talk which goes hand in hand with it. Getting out is another one that i struggle with when in the throes of grief as all my instincts tell me to crawl away & hide from humanity & the outside world. Jen, i think from what you've said, you are coping remarkably well - allowing the time & space to grieve & knowing that, while feeling extremely uncomfortable, it's perfectly normal, is practicing self compassion & self care in itself, (if that makes sense). It must be doubly hard with your son being away, too. I think the worst part for me (though i've not experienced losing a spouse, i have lost a fiance years ago to an rta) would be spending such long hours alone, with the days & evenings stretching ahead, (i know from dealing with grief in the past i've felt i needed to get out but then when i'm out i needed to be back home, then when home again i needed to be back out, which became a vicious circle),; & then there's all the tricky legal complications & sheer volume of complicated admin one has to deal with ehen someone close passes away. I do hope you'll br able to celebrate your husband's life & the joy of having had him in ypur life when your anniversary comes around, as well as allowing yourself space to grive & be sad on that day. Sending good vibes of Strength & Peace through the ether & across the oceans for the days ahead, Belle.