It's a great strategy

Dang.. My boss sent me to get food twice I, genuinely accidentally, messed up first time because I didn't know there are multiple types of sausage Made a point to write things down on the second, showed the list to boss, gave the list to sandwich lady, food still managed be wrong Hmm, third time's the charm I'll either get it right or I'm forever doomed to be a 'surprise sandwich lady' 😂 I genuinely have no clue how to increase the odds of getting it right 😂

Great story!!!

Yes

this is how my father was. i have adopted with with my partner as well. no idiots here.

This is so fhjfking smart omg.

Your mother is a ✨ _Queen_ ✨

I'm gonna take notes from that. My sister tried something similar and figured out every possible way to do the dishes wrong, lets say she did a lot of dishes.

Can you explain it more?please English is not my first language so I understand it bad

@@fatemad4012 Just explain everything very very slow and very detailed. This way the man will get annoyed and bored. But he cant say anything about it. If you treat your partner like a child every time, he will do it correctly one day because he doesnt want you to explain it so slow again.

😮 🤢

😂😮

This was 100% my ex-husband. He couldn't do the bare minimum, in hygiene or anything, for himself post-divorce, and ended up dying alone.

WHAT-

there’s a horror story from a tiktok comment section talking about lack of male hygiene I’ll never forget. A lady and her “man” did the dirty on her white couch, and he left shit stains

Your mom is a goddess.

Mama raised you well and to know what you deserve. Good going!

It's the opposite for me. My mom is super impressed that my husband does chores, makes money, and is generally pleasant to be around. She's been through 2 terrible marriages with men who had anger issues, treated her like a maid, and didn't do a good job of providing financially. I asked my mom what the point was of having a man like that. She didn't know. She is single now.

​@@_audacity2722How ironic your surname is, that you had the audacity to ask something stupid!

Same

yesssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spot on!

That's what I've been saying, OVER AND OVER AND OVER again!

Fuck I feel this

This also goes for anyone. Just good advice. Better to float alone in ocean then keep company with a anchor

Well said! @@Lin1Lin2Lin3Lin4

Same. My BF really made me swoon when he installed our Elder neighbor's tv on her living room with a smile, while she gossiped about her daughters and made us coffee 😂

Majority of the men put “physical touch” as their top love language and I’m just like… eugh 🤦‍♀️

I literally do everything in the house while my dusty bum dad does nothing!! I am sick and tired of it

​@@Laura-Yuthat's normal. Most men feel loved by physical touch. Most women feel loved by acts of service.

@@Laura-Yu Ive downloaded a dating app a few days ago (ugh) 90% of men have 'physical touch' as love language. That's not love....

Because these men only take from the table.

Makes me think of Paris Paloma music video “Labour” (about emotional labour and all the thankless things women do daily but that men expect to get thanked for doing even once)

@@crestfire8008 yup. Nailed it sis 👏

„I don’t know, why did you approach me in the first place.“

An invoice sir! That's what I'll bring to the table.

Good on you, girlie!!! Either he figures it out on his own, or Darwinism takes him.

That having the bag prepared is something EVERY WOMAN that is thinking of leaving should do! It's amazing on your part that you planned everything SO WELL and should give yourself more props for THAT. You planned everything SO PERFECTLY!

Tbh, he probably was probably at a different store and didn't see what you asked for which is why he called so many times. If you never told him where you shop for groceries at then he genuinely didn't have access to those items where he went. Different stores have different products.

@@SuperFunJess we literally had one supermarket close to our house. He went there to grab snacks for himself too. Don’t make excuses for him.

You’re great, hopefully he’ll be better for the next girlfriend. You were not the one to be playing games with😂🙄

Same with my husband. He makes my life easier, not harder. ❤

My dad always did dishes and laundry my whole life and it's in no small part why my parents are still married. Even as kids we were being taught to try and split housework fairly between us and parents and make sure that regardless of gender, we could all do the different house chores as needed. With the one exception being mom not doing chores that would risk straining her back like pulling weeds or taking out the garbage.

Amen.

That's awesome.

Facts your husband gets it.... I've heard women say don't nag & he will do it... Um you shouldn't have to ask for that basic stuff

This! I used to be an admin assistant at a couple of different companies and…I was doing data analysis and crunching numbers for these guys (waaay above my pay grade and education level. 🥴) A lot of men in the C-suite or even middle management “delegate” the majority of their tasks, even tasks that shouldn’t be completed by people with less education/experience. 👀🤷‍♀️

💯 Don't forget that they leave work early too. I know a lot of them do this and don't even tell their wives. They're somewhere hanging out, "unwinding" from their "stressful" day. These jobs are an escape for many males. They get to hang out and BS with co workers. They stay late to avoid coming home to their wife and kids.

Do NOT forget most of them that keep their jobs spend most of their time watching what other people do and gossip (mainly the competent people) so they can get them fired, in order to keep said job. They also complain about having to go home to their family.

2 hour lunches!

Can you say what is data analyst?​@@FeminineDiary

Exactly. My asking price is $500k if they want me to be a SAHM, comes with the benefits to him of: breakfast lunch and dinner, clean house, groceries sorted, budgeting, nursing and childcare. He can do his own laundry. Adults do their own washing. I'll be scrubbing 25 cloth nappies minimum a day, and preparing most foods from scratch. I won't have time to do the laundry for an adult. But first I'll say $520k as my price, if he pushes back, I'll say, "ok, let's negotiate. If I do your laundry, I want to be paid $600k. If you do your own laundry like an adult, you may pay me $500k,". That way, I'm still getting my bare minimum. But 500k gives me sick leave to pay for a nanny, my share of the rent, health insurance, savings and whatever I want to buy for my children and myself.

Why get married at all? That's so backwards and worthless.

​@@CordeliaWagner1999cause some people want an official and more secure relationship. I am a virgin and wouldn't dare to have sex with anyone until I am married. It's too much risk.

@@AA_AlegriaApenasif you wanted to live in a city like Boston or NYC $500k is reasonable.

​@@CordeliaWagner1999asking the right question for 2024 😂

🎯🎯🎯💯💯💯

I wished my parents woulda split up too. I hope u are out or get out soon. Life is way better after leaving bad families

Same here 🙄

I have to suffer through something similar, but my mom reinforces him

For the ladies in the back 🙏🏻 ✨ amen!

Sadly, patriarchy has stripped women of their humanity by reinforcing women are innate nurturers whose sole purpose is to raise children/domestic work. Yes, more women should be praised for being a present parent.

@@CambieSweetsright? And I keep seeing men put down single mothers. Like dude, I rarely see single fathers being attacked. I think it’s admirable to be the only present parent in raising a child. One parent is better than two with one being shitty.

@@BrookeaCookea in this day and age, that’s no longer an excuse. Both women and men have to work in order to so much as survive and keep their families afloat. Yet I still see women doing so much work at home AND at their job in comparison to men. The only people with stay at home wives are wealthy these days. And even then, those women keep the house up unless they’re loaded enough to hire help.

So true

Those same men scream about single mothers ruining society and how fathers are necessary. 🎻😢😂

@@aleks-wy6ufThis isn’t the case at all.

@@fburnsDubstepEnderFox RIGHT LMFAOO 😂😂

​@@aleks-wy6uf Be gone troll

​@@aleks-wy6ufmen like you are the same people who wonder why your kids don't give af about you

also thank you for mentioning the issue with women getting punished on the internet for considering staying. I stayed as long as I have because I didn't want the kids to possibly live in poverty. Because I didn't want to have to face possibly rehoming all my pets because I couldn't afford to keep them despite having the animals longer than the relationship. I'm moving on now because I got legal advice and was told that I would be more than eligible to get the money from him legally that I needed to support my children's lifestyle and keep my animals. If that had been bad news, I would have probably gone back to trying to figure out how to survive the relationship to keep the kids and animals paid for.

You're a sweetheart. I hope everything goes well for you from now on ❤

Best wishes for you hun you and your babies

Wait, he dropped the children?!

@@Yendor1224 yes. I did all the changing and work but the rare times he changed them, each twin had one occasion where they would ‘mysteriously’ roll off the change mat. Despite them never falling when I changed them. The stuff he’s done has been neglectful at best. To me they’ve been literally criminal. But it was him assaulting me and my 4 year olds saying “daddy scares us we want to live with you” that made me finally leave

Truth

To be fair bringing in money has always been the quality of being an adult for the majority of the world. The problem was women were literally not compensated fairly for their jobs even when they worked so they were dependent on a man to bring in "real income". Eg. The civil rights act allowed black Americans to be paid fairly. This means black families majority of the time needed both parents working to be able to survive, yet black women were still expected to follow traditional roles. This is why the majority of westernized black men expect women to go 50/50 AND do all the homemaking, childrearing and emotional labour.

If he shows incompetence, just stop paying bills. Stop doing it all.

🎯

Yeessss.... it's a hard pill to swallow for most men...

That’s what I was thinking too

Exactly!

As a feminist who's been enjoying this feminist content, I agree. I think you can start attracting a weird crowd/putting out a bad message if you're gonna talking bad about feminists, because you degrade a whole movement that came into existence to fight for the rights of women. All of Elle's videos are about female empowerment. I hope she realises that feminism is not a bad word or a bad thing. Aligning oneself with people who hate on feminism is like,, a step in the direction of all the podcast bros who shit talk women and anything they do - which I'm not at all saying Elle does, but why say something that'd get you associated with that crowd of hateful men?

Idk, some feminists are very pro-equality (my sister is one and we got into an argument about splitting the bill on the first date- I of course didn’t believe women should do that, especially after hearing Elle’s opinion on it, my sister felt otherwise) and things like that- working while being a mom, things that aren’t very pro-woman. So a lot of Elle’s beliefs are feminist, but it’s a different brand of feminism. I like it call it womanism (although I think there’s another movement called that already)

As a radical feminist, this woman is one of the most insightful women on gender relations I've ever seen. I think the feminists she's saying would accuse her of being "ungrateful" are what are called "choice/liberal feminists." These are the feminists that make so much stink about "50/50" relationships, Those Other Feminists being evil because they supposedly don't allow men to cry and are big meanies who don't advocate for men too, and half the time, seem way more like Men's Right's Activists than advocates for women with their "Feminism is for EVERYONE!!!" And of course, support the porn industry.

Wow thank you, that statement explains *a lot* about my present state of mind.

💯!!!

That’s why I hate when men (and women!) use the term “withholding sex.” Not being sexually attracted to someone because of their BEHAVIOR is not emotional abuse or manipulation.

Me currently and moving to a house in her name I'm talking to my grandma about moving out with my stuff and driving cross country with nothing at all by my car and clothes

Never again sweetheart

I feel this deeply, I understand.

i want out so bad :') i hate my fucking life

I'm the breadwinner and I do the majority of household labor. I work 7 days a week and still have to come home and do housework at midnight. I'm so f+cking lonely and depressed and he doesn't even notice. My children (11,13 &15) noticed and told their dad (my ex husband), who had also already noticed, he called me to tell me I deserve better and bro I lost my sh*t. 😭 Idk what to do anymore.

Yes! Good men enjoy it. My husband does all the cooking and more than his fair share of cleaning. It’s nice!

So moms need to use weaponized incompetence against their sons 😂

If your parents have been together for 50! years then they older than the earth itself (I’m sorry, it’s a shitty math joke)

Same! But my Granny raised my Dad specifically to take care of a wife and family. He quotes her to this day and my parents have been married for over 5 decades.

But they do it after youre committed and invested in them. Thats the problem.

@@ARS-fn6px No they don’t. Most of the time the signs are there, but lots of women ignore them, or put up with them because they don’t want to be alone. It’s rare that someone flips the script with no warning after marriage and kids. That’s why most people admit that they knew their partner wasn’t good, but still married them.

@ARS-fn6px That’s why you need to observe them before you marry them, move in with them, or get pregnant by them. Observe how they clean their own space, wash themselves, interact with children, interact with women, etc. Watch them when you visit their homes for holidays. Do they sit on the couch with the other men, while all the women work? If you want to put in the investment of talking to them about or even teaching them skills, YHIS is the time to do it. Make sure they can demonstrate competence before cohabitation, marriage, or pregnancy (and I would argue that means sex.)

I have the flu, too 😢. can y'all come help me 🥺? Lol in seriousness, y'all are lucky to have each other 🙌🏽🙌🏽

Things can change when you have a baby. Sounds like you do not work that can become very dangerous for you once you are pregnant. A man can still be a controlling prick and still dot over you.

​​@@redleeks6253im sorry, but thats simply not the case for all men. and im not the type to say Not All Men, but some men are really just built to be providers. tho id assume theyre exceedingly rare. i dont think men are hardwired any specific type of way in this regard. regardless, if women can control themselves, men should be held to the same standard, despite whatever "reward system" the primal part their psychology are speculated to have

@@automatic5 It is most men. Unless he is rooted Spiritually to the creator he will have too much temptation in this fallen world to go astray. It is important as woman, a person too, not rely on a man. Even my grandpa who did not ever cheat told me that.

Be extremely careful about this and considerate it do not be blinded by nice gesture men are extremely great as acting and tricking, they do know what women loves to hear and feel, I had several males that took care of me when I got sick and after I moved with those type of guys(fell for this 3 time what a fool of me) they showed their true nature of how vile and abusive they are and one time I got so sick from stress in one in these bf's home that he did not took care of me like when he did when I wasn't living with him and screamed at me I was a burden and that I should clean the house even though I barely could stand up, I learned that theres the saying "you will get helped as long as is beneficial for themselves" theres also baby trapping lots of mothers been tricked by the man that was nice with them until baby were born and the men immediately changed after they won the place and has 100% control now. Men nature biology is power, control and reproduce and we see that through history is never gonna change is how they are. Just think about it dont do a mistake that you will ever regret it and cannot turn back you always have to have control and guard up with males.

That mime IS a good man lol putting this guy on blast like that is king behaviour

I’m hoping it was a “parent-brain” moment and not a regular habit for this guy.

Same

Couldn't agree more. I had a terrible childhood and always wished my mother would leave him. It hurts even more when my mother who is suffering because of him, takes his side whenever I show my hatred towards the way he treats her. She scolds me for being ungrateful to my father even though they are always quarrelling with each other for the same reasons. I always felt stupid and betrayed, helpless to do anything.

Women must always consider that there is the option of leaving the man they're dating before even dating him, we are always scared and hesitant to do so even when it hurts the woman, because we always feel guilty about leaving the man, women please put yourselves first, these men will only ruin you and still be ungrateful, the option to leave is always yours to make, never feel guilty for saving yourself from a bad situation, you'd tell your friend or daughter to leave if she was in your place. you got this, Good luck girls. 👏🙏

@@moderngoblin Dude, and when have I or Elle asked for men to do something like this? Plus, I do agree with you on one thing: Men arent begging women, they are still DEMANDING those babies, maid services and other stuff from women. They take those as a 'given'. Any adult feels icky in a dirty house, but only a functional adult will do the cleaning while the other Will, like a child, beneffit from It. But go clean other's people messes all you want, Misha. Be their parent and not their partner, It Will work for sure

exactly!! @@MyBlackPumpkinSoup

AMEN SISTA😍

on one hand, i just don't understand wanting to have sex with someone who is basically a child and on the other, if someone can't figure out how to wash the dishes, can you even trust them to handle something more complex like a kitchen fire or medical emergency? to me, incompetence (weaponized or not) is nothing more then a blaring alarm saying "you can't trust me to do anything!" and who wants to be with someone when you can't trust or rely on them?

love, love and more love!!!!!😍😍😍😍😍😍

Yes, my partner is a good father and does a lot to help me and our little family ❤ it feels like teamwork, like he's my best friend and someone i trust the most.

My brother is autistic and has ocd and would make the SWEETEST bf (though he only gets SSI for income) he meticulously cleans and asks my mom if she needs help with anything, is so thoughtful when it comes to holidays and spends whatever money he has on gifts for others. He is very social and checks in with people, from distant family, members to old classmates. One of my goals in life is to create a business and to employ him because I know he would be the hardest worker. He just doesn’t really understand the formalities of corporate work culture, therefore can’t hold a job.

That somewhat works depending on the circumstances. But considering anything in a relationship in warlike terminology is... not particularly helpful. You are a partner, and so is he. Also, as you said, if you have a lower tolerance for disarray and just go quiet about issues that means your partner will think everything's fine and go on about his day. I think the underlying issue with so called weaponized incompetence is that it's difficult to spot when being inadequat with chores is being intentional or just him being unable to reach your perceived standard of normal. Most men want to be appreciated because they are conditioned by western society that only a functioning and providing man has value. So that's what they want to do. If you ask him to fold the laundry, he will do it. He might be inexperienced in it, though. So if he doesn't meet your standard of folding technique and criticize him for it, you are communicating to him that he was inadequate and don't appreciate his contribution. At first that won't be an issue. But if this happens all the time for all kinds pf different things, men will not be frustrated but just resign. You can do it better. Him touching stuff will be inadequat, so why bother? The intent is not to deceive you into doing all the housework. He is either trying to protect himself subconsciously from feeling like a failure or genuinely thinks that it's just inefficiebt if he folds laundry. Becazse you have to then spend energy being frustrated with his work and might have to redo it anyways. Obviously this is a broad representation. But please talk about this stuff with your partner.

@@yarion4774 it’s not war-like terminology. If you proactively solve everyone’s problems, they will never realize that problem even exists. By doing this you are actually ROBBING your masculine partner the opportunity to be your hero (in ordinary ways). Never did I say anything about criticizing his performance of a task after you ask him to do it. Nagging does not work and is frustrating for both parties. Stepping back so he can step up - then showing appreciation - does.

This is good advice for a roommate or coworker situation, but if it’s someone you’re in a relationship with? Just leave. If he’s pulling this he’s either stupid, manipulative, or both, and those are not qualities you want in a mate.

@@yarion4774or you could just stop being a pick-me instead of centering your life around what men want and bending over backwards to make them feel appreciated 😂

You might just find out that their standards aren't yours, and they're genuinely happy that you've seemingly relaxed and become more reasonable.

But then what do you do

Imo leaving the mess doesn't work. They will happily be pigs and sit in their own filth. This issue needs to be confronted at the start. Always set rules and boundaries hard at the start of a relationship. Once you start seeing them slip, like nip in the bud hard early on, you sit down and have a calm talk about how it's important to you. If he is a good man he will be accomodating. Any pushback, he's just waiting to weaponise and once he's got you trapped with marriage and baby, you're now Mrs. Bangmaid. Stipulate your dealbreakers early, make sure they're taken very seriously, dip at the first sign that he's not going to accomodate and be consistent.

Or just break up. A man that refuses to act like an adult is worthless. I wouln't move in with a man. Especially when you don't know him good enough.

The problem with the idea you mentioned is... some don't even care. "Who cares if our house looks dirty and unlivable? I won't do anything about it. It's not like it's gonna kill me.""

@@ishaalimtiaz6715 my most recent ex started saying 'your standards are unreasonable!! This is fine!' when I would not clean for a few days and the entire house would be trashed. Like no, needing dishes done before all of the kitchen benches are all full and we have no clean cups is not unreasonable. Won't be putting up with that kind of assholery again

bro would tell me stop watching reddit videos about cheating or stuff, when all the comments was just everyone being like aw poo what a stinky cheater here’s all the signs i noticed, and surprise he was doing it and that’s why he was so defensive

period hunnie!!!!!

The guys sure aren’t so why should you? Everyone has standards in partners and you shouldn’t be an exception. Stay safe and don’t let someone turn you into their free combination dish,clothes,house cleaner that cooks dinner, pays half the bills, and puts up with his disrespect. They will grow to not appreciate what you do for them and complain when you ask them to do man’s work around the house.

@@laurennelson3918 Indeed! You are so correct! Thank you. 🤍

Yep my best friend stays married to one now. She knows if she leaves he’ll be homeless or be living with his mom 😢 She definitely deserves better.

My ex took 5 years after living together to finally start putting the knives in the dishwasher with their blades down instead of up. He did it after I finally cut myself while unloading it. Yet warning him about it for 5 years was always met with "stop nagging on me, I was taught to do it this way, there's nothing wrong with it" or one of his favourite phrases "I never got hurt doing this for 25 years, what's the problem?" 🤦🤦🤦

Why kids are not with dad?

5 kids? How’s that mom supposed to be market ready though

Guessing the court has gender biased judgement

​@@fatemad4012I'm guessing the courts saw him as incapable of care, too, especially since he sabotaged the place

@@Dani-Claw yep. He was the "problem" in the first place. Addictions and irresponsibility cost them everything

I have an older brother who is the same way. He had 2 kids from his marriage and his spouse got a divorce from him after 8 yrs. My toxic ex shared many traits with him. Stingy, lazy, arrogant, mean, manipulative etc.

😢 exactly what I've been living. I wish I was educated about this 20-40 years ago and then I would have known that I could have done better for myself and my son who could have had a good father instead of his biological one

Younger brothers are the same

@@redleeks6253 I didn't read your whole comment but toxic boy moms have been discused on youtube.

It doesn’t matter who the man is always, always always have “run money” I’ve watched enough true crime to know that Men will wait 10 years before they decide to beat you. You can never fully trust a man- not if you love yourself.

No fr if anything it's usually feminists that want guys to do the household work as well

Yeah.

​@@roxassora2706I was confused about that statement

Right! Im a feminist and I love this channel

​@@aurora8749 Me too. I am a feminist too and love this channel. I think Elle refers to feminazis

My partner thanks me and it does feel nice. Like he will cook and if I get to the dishes before him, he thanks me. There's no expectation that I'm going to do X because he did Y. But yes it does feel weird because it's so far from what I've experienced and witnessed but it's a good weird!

Feels like y'all just flow and get yourself naturally, and that is how it truly should be- happy for ya!❤​@@MrsLadyLiberty

This is a good take on this

For real tho, someone needs to check on that lady bc bro bro was obviously pissed as hell. I'm not a betting girl but I'd put money on that "man" being abusive by how obv pissed he got. Men like that can't tolerate being called out, especially by strangers, especially in public.

Omg wtf?!

I truly hope it was a big wakeup call for the wife and that she's out of that situation now!

This ⬆️. Whether it’s silent treatment or “so you laughed at me too” the game only gets worse.

Omg what happened and how do you know

wow,,, talk about dodging the bullet

Wow good for you! And nice to share this story for other ladies

So much this! It took for me to live with my guy and his mom to truly understand their dynamic. And it was also at that time that I realized he could never show up for me the way that I needed because he still relies on his mother way too much. Like there's no way you can show up for me as a fully functioning, independent, self sufficient adult if you're still feeling entitled to your mother treating you like a child.

Right!?! Like why are feminist viewed as some sort of enemy in these videos??💀

This is one of the most feminist channels I've ever watched lol

i think she's referring to corporate and choice feminists that think that men paying for dates and displaying chivalrous behaviour is taking us back to the Victorian times.

Exactly! Almost what Elle says is literally what feminist preach about Apart from the "providing" part almost all these videos preaching about emotional support, caring of the wife etc are all ideas feminists preach. 😅

Feminism has so many heads. People try to simplify it to ~ equality ~ and you could surely see it defined that way, but that’s just not true to its complexity now - the amount of approaches, lenses, and views that can make up feminism are plentiful. Radical forms and its opponents, choice forms and its opponents, sx positive forms and its opponents, etc. People always default back to the ‘voting’ feminism when the movement is criticized while ignoring the controversial takes that are also under the modern feminism umbrella, like those who are against chivalry, or even those like Simone De Beauvoir who say staying at home should not be an option for women, or differing views of when life starts, which easily become heated conversations. People have such varied views about feminism even when they agree with the fundamental rights because feminist discourse is VAST and changing, which is why the theory is fun to read but not something I (and some other women) wholly agree with. also edit: So instead of trying to make themselves the 29th different branch of feminism, some women just disagree with the most popular mainstream form of it and leave it at that. I recall Elle said once she is unsure if her platform is feminist or not because she speaks more about ‘profiting from objectification’ (not my words) instead of deconstructing the objectification itself.

My twin brother tried to pull it on me ONCE and I immediately yelled at him, when he complained my mom hammered it down with "you deserve that yelling" lol he never tried again

I was an only child, but was highly parentified due to the family’s situation. I feel being drawn to acts of service men so much!

Omg sis I had the same thing happened to me. This malicious hateful two faced men will get their karma back. Hope you are vibing and thriving now!

My brother learned this at home before he was old enough to live alone.

Yes my husband cooks for himself (I cook for both of us a few times a week when I want to) and he does his own laundry. He does dishes and mops the floors when he can (at least a few times per week). I have a tidy rotation each week I focus on bc I work part-time/from home. Sometimes I put his laundry when I’m feeling it and have a moment but that’s like twice a year and he APPRECIATES that like it’s a big deal bc we’re fairly independent with our chores.

I got the flu a couple weeks ago and my husband took care of me + was working overtime. He noticed REAL FAST the value I provided keeping the house tidy. After I started watching Elle earlier this month I casually mentioned the calculated value of housework which he was a bit incredulous at first. I said, hey you can calculate it if you want and he said “I don’t have time to do that!” Then I got sick and he witnessed it first hand coming home to chaos. He quickly changed his tune and has been complimenting my contributions around the house even more lately 😂 honestly when you get sick it’s good to see how your partner cares for you and sees what happens when you can’t clean up.

It's not about compliments but appreciation. Men feel like they need to function and provide to be worthy of appreciation. That's what they are taught. When a man means a compliment, they literally mean anything praiseworthy but oftentimes appearances. That's why some not so self aware men got to women and "compliment" aspects of the woman's body they find attractive, not realizing that that's more often than not conceived as inappropriate at best, sexual harrassment at worst.

I don't mind both partners giving each other praise/compliments. I just don't want it to be another duty a woman has to do for the man without ever getting the same back. What I want a a cycle of virtue instead of a one-sided thing. @@yarion4774

Or sometimes you can remove yourself. Even with so called competent husbands, you just have to stay on their necks. When the house is messy, I check into a hotel. I let him know the morning of and return after two weeks. Never move in with a man unless he buys an adequate home with at least three bedrooms and a garden. Even after I married my husband we didn't move into the same home for another five years. I wasn't going to leave my beautiful apartment to live in a hedious condo. It was five years of nights at airbnb apartments, hotels, my house, his parents house. etc. My point is you must be anchored in your soul about the kind of life you desire to live. Compromise for nobody.

And ps my love- you are right, because they want to fight you. Testosterone does that to men, and it does that to males and boys, too. Do not respond, walk away, and leave them high and dry. Block them on your phone, and if you’re in a public setting, and they are freaking out, you go up to the manager or the bar counter or wherever you need to go and you get safe. A good place any good place, will not tolerate that and many men who work at the restaurant will walk you to your car. They understand. ✨🤍✨

Block them. They showed you their true intentions. Them paying for the date is paying for your time and energy.

no get your free food and if he a creep make it clear that you are not interested .do it safely in public (warn the staffs in advance just in case they can make you leave safely.)you can also do it at home by calling / text or trough other men that you trust like your dad or something to say you want none of it you can also block them. Do tell someone so that if he go to your home, your friends and family can help/save you, you better have someone at home. stay safe. we should not stop to get expected courtesy of a free meal from the person that invite because they are maybe unhinge, we need to keep that bar high for your own sanity /security in the long run. I'm going to celebrate 16 years of marriage and i have the whole QUEEN treatment ALWAYS! Don't lower the bar and make it clear that if someone invite you, they are paying unless it discussed beforehand.

This is why being cold and detached in the beginning is important. It sends a subliminal message that he will be rewarded with feminine energy if he acts right. Make sure they know that when "male friends"( only real male friends are LGBTQ+, straight? Lmao as!)invite you to go out THEY PAY. You dont have egotistical or vain about it. State it as a matter of fact. If you casually mention it in conversations you will weed out the ones that don't matter. Shame them if they try to argue with you. Do the toxic chill girl _"So what your saying..." _ loop. Walk away from tables, conversations. Like literally walk away leaving them mid sentence. You are here to be courted not sized up. IF you go out and he doesn't pay. Act weird afterwards and end the night with an emergency and NEVER go out with them again. Say hi once and a while and continue to randomly mention how so and so paid. They will eventually understand that a "friendship with a woman" requires them to treat you like a lady.

A lot of guys think any kind gesture is deserving of sex. Set boundaries before the date and the ones who are genuinely caring will remain caring.

It seems like you already know this, but what your dad is doing to your mom is abuse. Controlling finances and controlling where she's allowed to go and who she's allowed to see is abuse and the hallmarks for potential physical violence. Please do what you can to keep yourself safe and maybe start looking up resources so you can be prepared if your mom is ever able to leave that situation.

@@Madamoizillion yeah it took me years to wake up to that fact but I know now. It's been trippy looking back at my growing up with my eyes open. Thank you. But for now I think the only thing I can do without rocking the boat is to be free myself and to bring my mom on little trips for a breath of fresh air.

This is one of the reasons why I'm afraid to have children. It takes a village to raise a child and yet we are left with that?? Yikes.

The shock in my face I can't 😦

What those men are suggesting is abuse. It helped me a lot to read the book Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft and familiarise myself with signs of domestic abuse, especially coercive control and psychological abuse. There's a programme online called The Freedom Programme that I also found helpful, I'm not sure if it's worldwide but there's probably similar programmes in other countries.

I'm proud of you, too. Spoiled girlies unite! 🎉

Yay that’s so good for you! I also just stepped away from three years with a man in his divine feminine energy ✨ and I feel so much better now! So proud of us and here’s to being a spoiled girly 🥂

Ahh you guys are so sweet 🥰. If only the real life friends is vibing like in here. Most of them unfortunately are pick me or people pleaser

trying to get there now myself ❤ it’s so so hard, but im so SICK of the worry I make myself ill with. I just want to stop caring and be happy ❤ it’s so encouraging to read this. And see that 3 years later you’re thriving, it makes me feel like I can do it!

Yes!!!! 🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤❤

I clicked so fast!! ❤❤

I'm sitting at the front of the class today 🥰

I'm always excited to watch her video, there's always something new to learn.

@@neriah9969 I know right. She’s that good 💯

Pour your cup of coffee

Correct and neglect is the assassin to all relationships.

Physical abuse in reality lol!!!! The physical load and pain that is causes is unforgivable

This would explain why so many women with lazy, low effort men seem to suffer from chronic pain and stress 😬

@@alison8606 yep!! All of my friends and myself are sick with all kinds of things like that because of the men in our lives. We pushing back now, this can’t continue

We are not victims we are broke heroes with no medals or castles as rewards.

Welll... Some women are so blind by Disney/Hollywood fairytales and the belief that their Kitty is made of gold that they dont listen to others and think their relationship is the exception to the rule. .. thats where you lose my sympathy.

This used to be common in the 50s. (Of course, sex was not usually a factor in that era.) IF you found an outstanding partner you would become exclusive, which was known as "going steady." This is still a great idea today - no sex, many dates, focus on their qualities.

​@@briskettacosThis is kind of how I've been dating for the past few years, it's reduced my stress a lot. Most of the dates are just phonecalls to vet them before I agree to meet. Most of them fail the phone call vetting process as they show red flags or bad character traits like arrogance, talking over me, trying to put me down etc. Only decent men actually make it through to the date stage. No sex until you're exclusive and actually in a relationship. I really dislike hookup culture so this is how I date, I think mens behaviour would really improve if all women dated like this. Men have got used to having easy access to women so a lot of them have become badly behaved and disrespectful knowing they'll still get a date and even sex.

Wise advice here. from someone who’s seen this.

As a girl with chronic illness, telling someone to be aware of someone with a sickness or injury or illness is really ableist. I understand that you're following it up with that the guy could use it to be abusive but to completely avoid people with disabilities is plain discrimination.

​@@rachaelm4573 i dont think she's saying to avoid them, but she's saying they can't use that as a clutch to harass us anymore. I have adhd and autism too but if I use that to harass someone or make their life mentally and physically difficult then I need to get away from them.. If can take care of me and it wouldn't really affect them then that's another thing but we can't force others to do what we want

@@rachaelm4573no, it is not. It’s 100% completely responsible. i have 101 things wrong with me, and EXPECTING someone to 1.), be okay with that is absolutely ridiculous. Taking care of someone is an insane amount of work they do NOT have to sign up for unless they WANT TO. 2.) that’s not what the original comment is even saying.

@@rachaelm4573 I understand your point but the thing is that someone can say they have a condition and it can be a lie, or eveb if it's true, guys usually neglect seeking treatment :/ in any case is better to care about the personal safety first.

haha lol

We're here for you, sis! Do what's best for you!

Exactly

This is the take I agree with. You don’t need to go all out. But a simple acknowledge and genuine “Oh! Thanks!” Is all we needed. It makes us all feel a little happier on the inside, but also not going overboard.

Elle actually says in the video that you do say thanks, but the important distinction is to not let YOURSELF get carried away with it. Thank the person for paying for your meal, but don't go home and be awake all night because you're excitedly fangirling over him because he did the bare fucking minimum and paid for your dinner. Thank him, yes, but as Elle says in this, INTERNALLY say Okay. The bare minimum. This is to protect you from getting overly attached and even reliant on a guy, thinking he will be a Man and take care of you when all he's done is the bare minimum and definitely wouldn't step up to the plate with you, hence Elle then talking about weaponised incompetence.

That's the thing--paying on the date is the bare minimum, but even if a guy does that, he's not entitled to more time and more dates just for paying. If he wants to keep seeing her, then merely paying is insufficient. We SHOULD expect more than our personal bare minimum, otherwise there's no reason not to marry the very first person who meets the very basic requirements. This is the whole idea about being market driven, good enough is great... but why not let yourself have better than good enough? There are so many specific "it's the little things" that each woman will love. Being ambitious and wanting the little cute things beyond bare minimum is not asking too much.

It is called the bare minimum, because it is the lowest amount of effort to provide an opportunity to showcase your worth. If you're not laying most of the cards on the table on the first date, why should I waste my time if the cards they've put down don't meet my standards? It begins with knowing your own worth, and how much of that bag you deserve.

I love when “SpOilEd GirLiEs” talk shit about us like the movement hasn’t awarded them safety in relationships with terrible men.

Put his phone under the top diaper in the stack 😁

good idea@@nobody8328

I don't have a problem with someone asking where something is before spending tons of time and energy looking for it. In this case, though, I think the problem was that the guy had managed to go for four years without finding or asking where the diapers were. _Four years._