How To Deal With Blame Shifting

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2 жыл бұрын

How to deal with blame-shifting.
At the core of blame shifting is denial-self-deception. The complete inability to take ownership or responsibility for their thoughts, feelings or action and to then project that irresponsibility onto others.
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Hi, I'm Kenny and I created this channel for you!
It has been my experience that the media, society, and our parents often teach us to avoid admitting, facing, or talking about any of our negative feelings and experiences.
This belief system cripples us. As a result, we are without the basic skills to navigate the simplest of life's ups and downs.
Even worse, it creates a separation from our authentic self because we learn the world will shame us for our slightest imperfection.
My life turned around when I realized that the answer is in the opposite.
I discovered that the solution to an authentic life lies in our ability to admit, accept, and love our perfect imperfections.
That can only happen when we heal the pain from the past that created the shame by becoming trauma informed.
Because when we make peace with even the darkest parts of ourselves, we are capable of loving ALL of ourselves. Therefore we are authentic.
Without it, we are stuck in purgatory. Instead, we are reliving the original pain and shame in our relationships, career, health, and hobbies.
Therefore, the secret to avoiding a life stuck in limbo is developing emotional mastery.
When we gain that knowledge, develop it into a skill that becomes a tool, we stop picking toxic relationships.
We don't settle for unsatisfying careers. We don't struggle with depression or health issues. We stop the self-sabotage!
In short, we develop a deep emotional calm, peace, personal love, trust, and respect for ourselves that we can now share with others.
If that is what you want, you are in the right place.
I am excited to be a part of YOUR journey in helping you to heal the pain from your past, love your perfect imperfections, and reclaim your authentic self by developing Emotional Mastery!
#Kenny Weiss life coach #Kenny Weiss youtube #Scottsdale life coach #hg tudor

Пікірлер: 103

@FriskyTendervittles Жыл бұрын

1. ask yourself If it’s true… there’s no way to know because they blame so much that you feel like you don’t know anything anymore lol

@aurora8749 Жыл бұрын

Well in my case some the things he blames me for are true, however they are irrelevant and have nothing to do with the issue I am addressing him for. I was addressing his abuse and his response was to call me a whore because I had a high body count before I met him which he has known our whole relationship. I still have only slept with him for the past 10 years and he also blames me for the instances where he has been physically violent toward me. He said he was never violent in any other relationships so I must be the problem. The thing about that is I'm the only serious relationship he has had as an adult. His other relationships were in high-school and he never lived with or had children with them. Aside from that it is never a victims fault that the abuser chose to act out violently on them.

@carolnahigian9518 9 ай бұрын

Yes! For years , I try to make my sister happy.. Finally I prayed& wrote a note" pkease get help and take bettercare of YOURSELF"!

@tieannatippens7850 7 ай бұрын

@@aurora8749 q

@JMBvideo 3 ай бұрын

Keep a journal. This will help you keep track of reality and confirm that you are not crazy. Ideally, the blame shifter should keep a journal so that they can keep track of reality and their self deceptions. But spoiler alert - they never will. Because thats accountability. And they avoid it at all costs

@bexsolo369 4 ай бұрын

I've noticed that after 4.5 yrs with a blameshifter, I end up doing it too because otherwise I take the blame for everything

@emmarae4322 4 ай бұрын

I’m just exhausted at this point with my ex. I give up. He can blame me all he wants. He’s incapable of self reflection and he can’t change…it’s who he is. My responsibility is I stayed and took his abuse.

@weirdwolf888 4 ай бұрын

Yes I’d like to see how we deal with persons like that.

@SusanaXpeace2u 4 ай бұрын

It's often done very craftily. Ie, it's not that im impatient it's that you're slow, it's not that i have no empathy, it's that you're sensitive. It's not that im giving you the silent treatment, it's that you were aggressive. Argh it's impossible

@through.a.barrel.she.breathes 19 күн бұрын

Accountability is what I never get in return. The how and why questions for the kids is really helpful. Thanks.

@Keepingupwiththekarens Ай бұрын

I do not take the blame shifting that my spouse throws at me, I just make him feel stupid. He gets drunk, blames me for his irritability when he’s hanging over! I laugh at him and keep it moving cause I feel fine!

@zumadale Жыл бұрын

I used the just agree with them thing with my wife last night! She started calling the mustard bottle a can of coke. I started to feel like striking back...caught myself..saw her projection...then just 100% agreed with her that it was a coke! Shut her down! It felt great! Starting to win these things...feels good! Thanks Kenny!

@parklady4233 Жыл бұрын

I’m the blame shifter. I collapsed for 2 and half years. Woke up from it and my life is and was mess. I didn’t work, barely cleaned, gained 25lbs. Now, I keep wanting to blame others it is sad. I take responsibility for a while and then I start blaming again.

@jc2636 Жыл бұрын

Well, you’re aware! Congrats to start the growing process! Best wishes 💕

@fabolvaskarika7940 7 ай бұрын

What if it’s not only blame, but the cause? To tell that something wrong is blaming?

@miriam9775 Жыл бұрын

I like it, that you are talking about the Narcississts not in a way like they are mean people. They are victims of themselves and their upbringing and they need help. But of course, we need to be consequent when we deal with them.

@jamlaw 2 ай бұрын

I'm exhausted trying so hard to empathize with someone who incapable of, or unwilling to, empathize with me. I don't care, I want them to do the work for once. I appreciate the sentiment though. It just feels like these types of people are destroying everyone and yet everyone else has to bend and twist and do tons of therapy just to not feel destroyed.

@SatanenPerkele Ай бұрын

Narcissists aren't empathic. Don't pity them.

@bigbabysld 10 ай бұрын

My ex wife is the queen of blameshifting...just caused countless arguments. I saw a video on tik tok the other day, a woman was caught cheating and she blamed the husband because he is never home...always at work pulling double shifts...WTF!!!

@mrsherwood2599 6 ай бұрын

That's just a woman thing. Pretty universal.

@lynnanderson1923 Ай бұрын

No that's a narcissist thing. If they cheat they will blame you.

@SatanenPerkele Ай бұрын

That's a classic cluster B personality disorder trait

@Bcke14304 20 күн бұрын

I have recently connected that our family participates in Karpman Triangle-style drama a LOT. Now aware of *my* (usual) primary role - and trying to step OUT of the mix - this video perfectly rounded out one of the functions of the PERSECUTOR role (which is typically my 14-yr old son, who tries to torment the household). Yes, indeed, the persecutor blame shifts constantly. Phew, it’s exhausting to be around - but thank you for this insight, Kenny. Can’t wait to implement the mindset and responses you suggested in this intelligent video. Grateful!!💕

@TRENCHANTWHOREGODDESS 3 ай бұрын

It's true that's why I'll be proper but ill never go out of my way to be extra nice anymore i keep it casual

@SydMountaineer 7 ай бұрын

What Kenney explains here matches with a few other experts who have a true understanding of not only behavior, but spirituality (inner self, REAL yoga, etc) & linguistics. When you recognize this, things that might be explained a bit differently but mean the same thing, it gives weight to it. What he says here matches what Sadhguru, HG Tudor, Lisa A Romano, & Martin Decoder teach - there are very few people in the world who have this knowledge and understand it so well.

@NATIVEWARS 4 ай бұрын

I keep looking at that bent pinky, and keep thinking, man that must hurt!

@alexg4408 Жыл бұрын

Great video, thank you. I have been doing “giving back the problem “ and I have been unaware I was doing it. Now I understand. Thank you for explaining. Alex G

@kennyweiss Жыл бұрын

Glad it helped!

@yaminipoornathilaka Жыл бұрын

That was best explanation...Indeed I was searching for solution in KZfaq.. But everywhere they were amplifying problem n providing reasoning for blame shifters mindset. Only in ur video, I got the solution on how to deflate the blame shifters

@kennyweiss Жыл бұрын

You are most welcome :)

@marialara9543 Жыл бұрын

I see u being the parent that we should have or being; but this time around u given the right tools to fix the problems and reinforcing that is not we r bad persons, (kids) but the way we approach the problem is the problem it self not us!

@HerbyBeausejour Жыл бұрын

thanks a million. Now I have a better understanding of what blame shifting is and how I was a victim. I learned to blame my parents, specially my dad as being bad. I remember those days when my father play lotto back home and lost. He would find every excuse to beat me. or he would say something like you will never never amount to be anything in life because you're so hard headed as if I could not make it without him. When he left my mom, his last word was, I'll see you with your kids. Again he wanted to portray himself as the savior. you're right when you say that's not their fault they never learn to be a parent. it was trial an error. Thanks for your video. It really open my eyes. I, myself am a blame shifter. I take my hat off to you.

@swissplatinumrubygold7132 2 жыл бұрын

The correction to a choice and not to the child themselves is crucial. Reassuring the child is not bad and then redirect them to a choice that was made, therefore have them rethink the choice which will help them separate themselves from taking on shame or guilt.

@kennyweiss 2 жыл бұрын

Very well said! =)

@revabhagwat311 Жыл бұрын

It's difficult to understand them and deal with them giving them healing and re assurance when they do not own up at all it's like gaslighting and it makes you unlove the person. It is not easy

@jwlewis3661 6 ай бұрын

Wow thank you for this very insightful video. I was led here searching how to deal with spouse victim mentality. This video described by day yesterday with a blame shifter on my birthday made for very unpleasant evening and draining energy. You actually described my childhood perfectly. I’m in a relationship with a victim blame shifter (about everything) who maybe narcissistic. I thought it was my responsibility to fix this situation to help them understand. So I married them with love and this responsibility that wasn’t mine to claim. It’s like we are in two different realities and they want me to totally accept their reality. While I do I understand and have sympathy, my counselor mentioned I that need to get my power back. It's possible that 75.9% or maybe untrue with the 25% being my low self esteem. I always have been arguing the blame shifter. The 75% is not true because it’s never my reality but their reality. They want me to accept their reality and I usually don’t or I do to come off the ledge. Giving the problem back to them hasn’t worked for me when expressing love or not taking the blame. They aggressively want to blame about how you made me feel. This is a never ending cycle that I don’t understand how to fix.

@Allthesamesea 4 ай бұрын

Go and watch some ASD level one video’s specifically Asperger’s 🙏🏻😘

@shenetteholman8441 Жыл бұрын

I usually don’t comment on videos. Yet, this is exactly what I’m going through with my partner. My parents were and always wonderful. This is should become part of domestic violence survival healing.

@abro99 10 ай бұрын

This is beautiful, thanks so much 😊

@lydiaeichiner8289 Жыл бұрын

I agree complettely and thank you for taking away the way to escape for not taking the responsability!!!

@katrinapage7902 Жыл бұрын

Yes, but what if you call them out, and they tell YOU that your the one blame shifting!!!

@jessicavargas5535 Жыл бұрын

If possible go gray rock . If you can get away stay no contact. To save your mind, body, emotions from further damage. Sending love ,hugs prayers 😊 your way.

@rebecca_stone 7 ай бұрын

Lol!! So true, OP. 😂 I'm only laughing in a dark comedy way. It really is crazy making with these people.

@SatanenPerkele Ай бұрын

Stay calm, don't defend yourself. Focus on reality. Keep going back to the real core issue.

@Keepingupwiththekarens Ай бұрын

Then it’s their guilty conscious coming through bc they know you are right. Don’t argue with an idiot. Ignore it and it will eventually shut up.

@Efalonda 11 ай бұрын

Content starts at 5:00

@Happyyellowflower 15 күн бұрын

Thank you

@LyndzPaul Жыл бұрын

Omg I totally love this and the quote you chose helped to illuminate what this is. Thank you 🙏🏻

@SoulGPS 2 ай бұрын

This is 🔥

@mariannephillips2559 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for helping me see this truth.

@genasoriano559 11 ай бұрын

I really learned so much from your video I can resonate from it. I was blame from not doing anything and I agree on what you said "is it true"? And you gave me feedbacks on how to deal with this person. Thank you for sharing this video.

@lauralynn2210 Жыл бұрын

This video is powerful and deep and explains so much

@nvaranavage 2 жыл бұрын

This is interesting information because my husband and i get into arguments about things that are said when i tell him "Honey when i am not getting your entire thought i make assumptions based on only half of the information, so if you tell me all the information right away then i won't make assumptions on what you mean. And to build on that, i shouldn't have to ask 50 million different questions to figure out what information you left out that i still don't have". He still does it.......and it is so very frustrating! I am still trying to figure out how to reach his brilliant mind, because he is - he is so much smarter than I, it's what attracted me to him in the first place. Any suggestions - i do not like arguing about things that are very simple to solve. Especially when i know it's not his fault that i can't read his mind.......all i want is his whole message.....not bits and pieces that causes arguments.

@kennyweiss 2 жыл бұрын

This is very common in relationships because they have not agreed upon a communication and confrontation model. Both have their own definitions for individual words and phrases and body language and tone and because they are unique to the individual they don’t make sense to the other person. That’s why for a relationship to work, every couple needs to agree upon a communication and confrontation model. If you’d like to learn that model I offer it in my online master classes. You can get access to all of my master classes and specific training on that model for only $47 a month. It gives you examples and a complete print out for the two of you to follow so that you can start understanding each other. Here’s the link if you’re interested thegreatnessu.com/p/the-complete-emotional-mastery-method

@nvaranavage 2 жыл бұрын

@@kennyweiss thank you.

@PaigeSquared Жыл бұрын

He should know you can't read his mind AND he should be very aware that he cannot read yours, and should not assume. This behavior can become disrespectful, withholding, demeaning. Both are full individuals and both have full minds and both must communicate full messages.

@EMGEE718 6 ай бұрын

Dude you're like Yoda!! Teach me! Seriously thank you Kenny!

@adeleswecera4787 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. This was very helpful. I love how you break down the information and explain. I also love the pace which you talk and the tone of your voice. I’m off to watch your self deception playlist. 🙏🏻

@kennyweiss 2 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful! You are very welcome

@lynnanderson1923 Ай бұрын

Thank you, this is really helpful. Sick of being blamed for everything by the narcissist

@kennyweiss Ай бұрын

You are so welcome

@paulaburkley-ibonie3589 Жыл бұрын

Wow, Thank you.

@CeCe-fh2ix 4 ай бұрын

This is a great video

@mrsherwood2599 6 ай бұрын

I try and try and try to blameshift. When i fail i laugh at myself. Lovingly. I mock myself. Lovingly.

@ozzyvera5063 Жыл бұрын

This was INCREDIBLE and SUPER INFORMATIVE …. KUDOS 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 I’m glued to your videos

@kennyweiss Жыл бұрын

Glad you enjoyed it!

@sudeepparaghamian7468 Жыл бұрын

Excellent healer, with explanations that resonate with me. Thank you.

@kennyweiss Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome

@traceyparnell9137 2 жыл бұрын

Another value packed video I need to watch 3 times as there is just so much content here Kenny. Thank you

@kennyweiss 2 жыл бұрын

👌

@ednahchirchir1924 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for the lessons

@kennyweiss Жыл бұрын

Always welcome

@JanelM-gh8bk 3 ай бұрын

I just love you man ❤😊

@KoolT Жыл бұрын

11:32 owning your part

@vincentolivieri4468 Ай бұрын

Here after my dad just ran into my room to tell me how his angry and abusive behaviour did not happen...... and that it is my fault. So it did happen? :p I call BS

@kimortegastrongwarriorbrid5334 2 жыл бұрын

Perfect 👌 Kenny ty

@kennyweiss 2 жыл бұрын

You bet

@AiAi-td3lw Жыл бұрын

Remember guys responsible/ responsibility means being the primary cause of something and so able to be blamed or credited for it.

@2biicoachingformndkarlotto317 Жыл бұрын

Awesome, insightful and painful presentation, loving it 🙏❤. Have you by any chance made some videos about boys raised by emotional immatur mother in the narcissistic spectrum, and the consequences this boys suffer from as adult men?

@kennyweiss Жыл бұрын

Not specifically by that title in part because there’s not much to say. All parents are codependent and immature so all my videos on narcissism and codependency explain the immature parent.

@2biicoachingformndkarlotto317 Жыл бұрын

@@kennyweiss Yes agreed, all parents are imperfectly perfect. Still, some are more than others, and it is a lot unsaid about boys' and men's mental immaturity that is caused by an emotionally immature single/divorced mother in the narcissist spectrum. But that might just be another tabooish topic?

@YOUAreTheSecretToLife 11 ай бұрын

@@2biicoachingformndkarlotto317 The point, is that his videos, ALL of them, on narcissism, pertain to your exact question. There isn't much left unsaid,in fact. I think you're just not realizing you're already here! ❤

@victoriarivera9071 10 ай бұрын

It is amazing advice and I applied it-- but I’m stuck--I tried to ask my spouse how will he address the issue at hand (that I am blamed for) and the answer is for me to do it because is unfair he has to help and walked away and sat to watch TV while I was left in the mess🤦‍♀️

@wiwoods4me Жыл бұрын

I stopped to comment aftr intro.Then wht do u do with the anger and hatred of the person who caused this to happen to this person? I have said as much to the "victim." The UNFAIRNESS, of another to cause such damage. Yet the victim in my case has turned me, into the person who did this to him. His hate and anger are off rhe charts, his purposeful hurting is front and center everyday yet if I show any hint of leaving he turns the switch on and does an act of kindness. Dr., I feel I'm sinking into something akin to his mental illness and to explain this to family..they do not see it. Of course it is bc he won't allow tht so it is my words against his reputation. I want to disappear, just leave so I can heal with the typical normal that is out there, leaving behind my family, new grandchildren. It is hell not to be believed and the hurt makes up most of that particular hell. This is new to me as far as I never thought humaness could go to this extreme. I am scared.

@dystar112 10 ай бұрын

There is absolutely no way that i coukd soeak this way (the resolution steps etc...) to him.

@ekj24uk 7 ай бұрын

But can you keep giving the problem back to them whilst being constantly put down, bossed around or abused? Even if u chose to ignore it. Its still happening they still abuse you while youre doing the right thing by giving them the problem?

@jesperandersson889 2 жыл бұрын

is it true, it is always in part true but the liar is always tripping you - sometimes you 'invent' narcs but that's uncommon... THNXXX!

@kennyweiss 2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome :)

@tribalequestrian4954 Жыл бұрын

Is it the same for a blameshifting spouse?

@KoolT Жыл бұрын

Classic narcissistic behavior

@MuneerAlrabadi-lq5oq 5 ай бұрын

And I'm in probation for thing I don't do and thay pot me in mentally helth crimes what I have to do with that blus more stories.....

@traceyparnell9137 2 жыл бұрын

Question Kenny Do you have in your future plans or vision to offer this critical and life changing information to our youth through the education system perhaps. Similar to Junior Achievement did some time ago and offering an Entrepreneur program to children. This is a huge suggestion or idea maybe ...BUT we believe in you. Seeing you enjoying your journey is empowering us to enjoy ours.

@kennyweiss 2 жыл бұрын

I don’t have a problem with that but I don’t think I have an interest in fighting the politics and bureaucracy of something like that. It would be very difficult to get implemented because many of the things I teach, those in power would have to face themselves and admit that their dysfunction is the major source of the problem. Because of the shame and denial portions of the cycle and how much power those in power get from playing the victim and promoting everyone else play the victim, it would be very hard for them to let all of that go. It’s not a fight I want to take on.

@weirdwolf888 4 ай бұрын

I kinda like this, but my mum, a chronic blame shifter (can’t bear to be wrong, can also actively and consciously lie) responds in outrage if I attempt to pass responsibility back to her. She 100% cannot see her part in ANY issues.