An elegant and heartbreakingly accurate way of saying “you’re fucked either way.”

You won't leave until the pain of staying becomes greater than the pain of leaving

She articulated it so beautifully and truthfully

You have to experience ‘loss’ to some degree no matter what outcome you choose. ❤

Be quiet...be still... breathe... then follow the guidance of your soul...it knows what to do ❤

Also remember, that hard times happen in every relationship, let some time pass before you just leave, unless you or someone is in danger. Give yourself time to heal before you make a decision…let God guide you!💖🙌🙏

Reminds me of 'The Bell Jar' by Sylvia Plath: "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor... I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest..." There is duality in every choice we make: love/loss, relief/grief, joy/sadness. Both/and. One of the most beautiful and painful parts about being human is the finite nature of our lives ❤ Everyone deserves to live with the freedom to choose their own path.

Separating from my husband after 25 years has been the most painful experience ever . My first everything. Yet sometimes you reach a point of maturity that love just doesn’t seem enough When you desire to be real about the way you want to live Compatiblity is so important Without it One cannot live authentically ❤

This very thought process helped me cut my ex completely off. I knew it would be greater regret to stay then leave.

Yes!!! I’m not crazy for being double minded. Thank you.

This is so helpful. I realised listening to her that the fear of not knowing what could have been outweighed my fear of grieving the loss

I’m having trouble seeing what the loss is in staying and it ending up being a beautiful relationship. I think a third option is you go and if it’s meant to be it will come back. Don’t stay or go, just be. The universe will guide you

I did like the rest of her answer (not in the video) because essentially you need to be sure you don’t value what you’re losing more than what you’re sure you already have.

I left my marriage of 28 years. I took 18 months to get up the courage. There was no part of me that held on. My decision WAS 💯 perfect. I'm unattached, meeting new people and excited about what lies ahead. 💖🐾🐦✨🎁

Now I know, why many months after leaving my boyfriend I still miss parts of him while at the same time I realize that this relationship was toxic and not good for me at all. Man, that is a great explanation! Thank you 👏👏

Grief in staying...is grief for what doesn't work and what could be if you leave.

Stay to lose part of yourself, leave to lose the other person!

Well said! I left and have learned I was truly dying. I am a new person now with energy, vitality, and excitement for life. ❤

So true . If you stay you have to grieve a part of you

Relations are built on trust. Never violate it folks ❤

This is a wonderful demonstration of the life of an individual who has lived with a narcissistic or even just had a relationship. I love the way she highlights the effects of the decision making process. It’s what every therapist should be brave enough to share! It’s not their lives or their decisions. What a therapist needs to give you is the honest truth. There are consequences for leaving and staying. There are wins for leaving (unfortunately not so much if you stay). What are you willing to gain and lose? Both are important to consider. Ponder that! (Standard of living, home/money/cars) family; friends; health; emotions ; safety; respect ; self-esteem; dreams; future; and so much more)! One of the hardest things for me was aging and saying to myself is this what I want to be the purpose of my life-it had been nothing short of a ´human sacrifice’ for things that pass away. What were my children learning from me? Will he eventually almost ki11 me or actually ki11 me or harm me and not even take care of me? Yes? I actually almost di@d! Will you???

Great advice.💯♥️ But I love my peace being alone is a blessing not having to deal with someone else.💯♥️😇

She's so correct. I was in a relationship that was abusive. I stayed with hope until he got physical. Even had hope, but the fear of harm and damage to trust and harm to my children were all too much to ignore anymore. I still wanted to work through things, but I decided to embrace reality rather than the future i was hoping for.

Hope you’re this helps: I’ve left relationships in the past without regrets ever. The way I do it is, I ask myself like really deep ask myself, if I can live with the behavior (which is usually negative) of the other person. Like he is never going to change much, that the behavior he’s had in the past is the same behavior he presently has. If I can be okay with it I stay but if I am counting y that things will be different I cut my losses. And I’ve never been wrong. He still has the same issues, just with a different partner.

I left when I was fed up and I never looked back, I never regretted. Fully worthy.

I absolutely adore her voice, the way her bright beautiful eyes cosmically sparkle full of wisdom and knowledge..

This woman is so authentic and deep and real.

lol normally we hold up until it takes your health down maybe you start binge eating, skin picking… depression and then you’ll know what is the root and how to end them. It’s almost like having a tumor removed. And once you end it is only blessings since you recover your health and there’s no more wondering 🙌

Beautifully said, “A dream of once was…”

Wow. Thats some deep stuff right there.

From experience, she is 100% correct…Im very 😊 with my decision. So many wonderful experiences and counting due to the decision.

I love Esther Perel! She leaves no stone unturned! But she turns each one over with such care and inquisitive interest to find the truth. I so enjoy watching how she thinks.

I love Esther! She’s always so eloquent

Reminded me of the beautiful film, The Bridges of Maddison County. 😭💚

This resonates with me. A year ago my ex and I broke up as friends after 5 years. It was the right decision for me. However it was also hard and there are many things I still appreciate about him and our shared time together, and sometimes I'm sad that it didn't work out.

I’ve felt this and told myself this but couldn’t articulate as gracefully as she did. So very true. That’s why it takes people so long to actually leave a relationship.

To stay makes healing much more difficult and takes longer than leaving. It is very brave of someone to stay because it is much more challenging...

So true this pertains to everything not just relationships

This is so true. Loss of a long term marriage is worse than bereavement IMO... No one understands your grief. Grief support groups are just for the widowed... 😢

Beautiful put and very...very true. Wise woman with an exceptional view on life and relationships 🇿🇦

Sometimes you have a doubt to go or not ,,but in evrything i trust Gods timing and process!❤❤❤

If they bring you peace, that's all you need to save a relationship. Simple as that.

Good grief, so beautifully put. I left and am grieving what could have been.

The moment you realize that the pain of staying is gonna be bigger than the pain of leaving that's exactly the moment you end the relationship

GO GO GOoooooooooooo, once you question it , the answer is GO. Be brave and have courage bless them and save yourself Goooooooooooo

Is it just me or does anyone else feel like she didn’t actually answer the question in this short? 🤔 I suppose I’ll have to watch the whole thing now.

She said it beautifully, Thank you for putting my feelings into words. I always feel is the scariest, toughest, decision one can make. Especially because you wouldn’t wanna leave and have the need to come back later

She just spoke wisdom.

Loved this episode and a ultra follower of Esther Perel’s work. She’s the best at it. ❤️🙌🏻

That point about not reacting to reality…but instead what you created in your head. I am constantly guilty of this! I want to fix it so much.

This women is gold!!

Esther Perel s the definition of beautiful, brilhant and also senstive, gorgeous.

She is my absolute favorite relationship advisor ❤

always leave a toxic person always always always human never change

Damn, that hurts because it's so true.

So true, so real and answers the question so precisely.

You grieve, but it doesn't take long... specially for people that are secure and know that they gave thier best and tried it all

Leaving allowed me to get out of the fog and see all the things that I thought were good for what they really were. There was no set up …..happy 💯.I actually felt like the first time wore prescription glasses…the light ..the true colours, now I could now see properly

It took me two years to solidify my decision because I kept thinking it was me and that I had all these things to fix. That the problems were usually my fault. Turns out he was just being manipulative and lying to me. I’m in no way perfect, but I know I tried my hardest. Went to therapy, looked up ways to be a better partner, tried to make sure he felt heard/supported/loved, did special things just because etc. Turns out he was just taking advantage of me and was doing terrible things behind my back. Never again.

the scorpio reading was everything I needed. I resonate with all of it.

I have done both and neither is easy

Man oh man is this big for me. The eclipse is conjunct my north node at the same time Pluto is square my natal Chiron. All month i've been healing and claiming my self worth, healing the lineage, and powering up to leave a very unhealthy relationship/power dynamic that has left me with cptsd. Looks like after the eclipse my real world will really start to shift. Looking forward to it, but also . . . It's gonna be hard. Know your worth, my friends, as deeply and truly as you can. Claim it. Life is so much better when we aren't letting other people stand in where our own power should reign supreme.

I felt that. Also think what’s is more unbearable, grieving the part of you what could it have been if you left , or grieving the loss, then you will have your answer.

Not everyone can help carry your torch and vice versa. . . When the bad starts to outweigh the good, that's when you decide. You both will most likely move on to better matched partners. That is just life, unfortunately. And it is all okay at the same time! ❤❤❤

In other words, regardless you must make a decision and live with it.

I'm going to look at this from a different angle....why doesn't anyone tell you that entering into a relationship means you're going to lose a part of you. In my experience, it seems that some men in my life never got the memo. We need to tell anyone young enough to date that when they decide to be in a relationship they will need to be told... "Grieve the part of you that would never know what it would have been like if you stayed single." Or said in their vows that they are very aware that they are giving up something!!

Woooow one of the explanations I have heard. I would love to listen to the whole podcast.

She’s so marvelous!!!!

Wow! So brutally honest and true.

Either way you have to be 100% sure about your decision. Stay or leave????How??? You apply what I call the 2 Fs: Forgive and Forget. Either way you leave your past behind you. Whatever happened cannot be changed so why cry??? The only thing we’re going to do with that is prolong our suffering but if you accept reality and let it go you have to realize there’s a bright future waiting for you. No resentment… just let it go…..Good luck ❤❤❤❤

The Clash. So fundamental.

She is so wise!

Stay if your happy. Leave if your not. Don't Stay hoping and praying things will get better. ❤

Wow! What a beautiful response💜

Staying is fine untill it starts to kill your soul 🥺❤

I prepared myself mentally before actually leaving my physically abusive ex. I had to toughen up first

So complex. She’s so smart.

Dr Pwrel Always a beautifull presence And toughthfull advice

I needed this

Wow. Very well said.

My goodness this strike my heart so true

OMG THIS IS SO WISE

Very transparent explanation

She's so Gorgeous 🥰. I love her

Love you both, fantastic message 🤍

I love this woman ❤

This is the most important information I’ve heard outside my own mind.

Wow❤beautifully explained.

This hit my soul! 😅

Powerful 😊 Brilliant 🎉 Extraordinary ❤

Wow well said makes me really think as I have decided to leave and have second guesses....🤔

I left a relationship of 10 years, this hit deep

Wow! Well put ❤

Yoooooo I was not ready for the slap in the face!! 60 sec that's all it took 🤯 saving this one!

She has a nice & precise way to articulate emotional tensions

Profound n Powerful. Truth spoken

She spoke a powerful truth. Ouch!

Wisdom based on experience right there

The second fear is scarier to me

My mom and dad usually get along with each other But when they get caught in a fight, they almost reach a point of divorce It always disturbs me My mom is very nasty and she always says disgusting and unbearable things to dad in a fight