‘Feeling ugly stems from a deficit of love, never of beauty.’ Wow.

“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” - Malcolm Forbes

It's funny how the things that bother us the most about our appearance are in many cases not even noticed by others, and if they are noticed, the other person seldom if ever cares about it as much as we do. Realizing that you are not the center of other people's lives can be simultaneously frustrating and yet immensely liberating.

The School of life changed my life. Your videos makes me calm and I can enjoy my life a lot more. Whenever I feel depressed or tensed I rewatch some videos. That helps a lot.

"The issue is never about our appearance. It's about our vulnerability to humiliation." "Feeling ugly comes from a deficit of love, never of beauty." Wow. Thank you for this video. I wish I could like it more than once.

"The more anxious we are about the judgement of others, the more our refection has the power to horrify us. The issue is never that of appearance. It is about our sense of our vulnerability to humiliation." This is so well said.

It’s interesting how, when you love yourself, it’s easier to lose weight and care for yourself better, merely because you no longer fear rejection and judgement.

For anybody feeling down about your looks, I just want to say a couple of things from a fellow "ugly" person: 1. Beauty is a young person's game. Once you hit 40+, it won't matter as much because everyone is middle aged, mellowed out, hopefully, more mature. Just be patient. In the mean time, work on things that get better with age: Good Relationships, Intelligence, Skill. 2. You get used to somebody's face. There are SO many instances in my life where I watch a youtuber and think "They're so weird looking" but watching all their content gets me used to their face and suddenly they start getting more attractive. This happens to co-workers, classmates, etc. people you see daily. This can work in your favor as well. 3. If you're not attractive, focus on hygiene and health. If you are always well kept, smell good and look clean/smart/put together, you up your attractiveness points. Imagine a really hot person walking up to you, and then they open their mouth and let out the stinkiest breath you've ever smelled. Are you still attracted? lol 4. Unless you want to pursue a career in media, you don't have to be SUPER attractive. No need to bend over backwards to aim for celebrity looks. Just aim to be pleasant and healthy (see number 3). Chances are, you're already fine. 5. Recognize that "feeling ugly" equates to "feeling unworthy or unwanted". Like the video said, ugliness stems from feeling "unworthy" when you were younger. The line "people were not happy when you arrived", struck me so much. I'm always in the constant battle of feeling unloved or unwanted. This requires some self-searching and meditation to fully understand what it means to you. I can't tell you what works for you, but for me, I found joy in pursuing a career I can excel at, and that helped with feelings of worthlessness. Bonus: Statistically, you're probably average, and not as ugly as you think you are. I say this because when everyone tells me "it's the inside that counts" it just sounds so hokey and sentimental. I found that using logic and science works for me. Maybe it will work for you too.

"Feeling ugly stems from a deficit of love, never a deficit of beauty" Profound & true words, School of Life, profound and true words........

I see pics of girls with different size noses who are not willing to change to be in line with “beauty standards” and they look shimmering and stunning because they hold their heads high. I’m envious (only in a healthy appropriate way) of how they STAND OUT)

I’ve grown a bit disillusioned with this channel. The writers assume that our problems stem from a traumatic if not abusive childhood. This pops up in many of their videos. I think they do us a disservice by assuming this. I suffer from mental health issues, and I had a wonderful childhood. I am sorry to say that I’m finding this channel more frustrating than helpful. For those of you who have been helped, I wish you peaceful, happy lives in the future!

" _The way to help someone feel beautiful is not to compliment them on their looks, it is to take an interest and delight in their psychological essence._ " Well said.

My mum is and always was a loving, understanding and encouraging mum. Her mum, on the other hand, was a mum that was very critic, judgmental, she never gave her daughter the ensurance to be good enough. What happened, was that my mum ALWAYS tried to make me feel good about my self. She complimented me on my appearance, told me how beautiful and smart I was. I can tell you, even if she did it with the best intentions, today I am obsessed with looking good, being smart, and I feel like everyone can immediately see my flaws if I am not trying to hide them under a loud and extrovert self and nice clothes. Ones relationship with appearances is always complicated and telling people they‘re beautiful does sometimes even make it worse.

People usually don’t consciously notice our appearance. However, subconsciously, we’re constantly noting things about others. We will talk to good looking people with a little more attention to what we say. We will feel a slight sense of superiority talking to someone shorter than us. Its just part of our flawed human nature. But these subconscious judgments are only surface level placeholders for our actual personalities. And most people are willing to change those placeholders easier than we think. So we’re better off just not giving a fck what people think of us.

*“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” - Marcus Aurelius*

I just want to let anyone who’s reading this, and going through a tough time know that it’s going to be okay. You’ll get through it! ✨

Thank you for dealing with such a relevant issues and thus helping at least few people in need who aren’t lucky enough to find support anywhere else

Feeling ugly stems from the deficit of love, never of beauty... This describes my own source of depression. Opposite sex often remarked that I always put myself down, acted weird when complimented, and withdrawn when showered with affection. It's not false modesty, when I say I'm not that beautiful. Literally, I mean to say I'm ugly. It's truly how I feel about myself, no matter how my bf tells me I am beautiful. I can't believe it. I realized I can't take compliment or believe that I am beautiful becuz I always believed to be the ugliest in the family when I was a little girl. Being compared to other cousins, makes me feel unwanted. I could have outgrown it if only my own mother have told me that I am worthy of love and I am beautiful in my own way. But the biggest scar was inflicted by her, my own mother. She told me that I am not beautiful and she made me think that she's disappointed in me that I am not as girl as she idealized me to be. I am now 35 and have shunned all potential long-term relationships becuz I can't believe I deserve to be married cuz I won't look beautiful on wedding dresses bcuz wedding dresses are for beautiful girls only, and not for ugly girl like me. I am frozen not bcuz I am ugly, but bcuz I am made feel ugly and inadequate.

some of us have really fucked up childhood , careless parents,siblings,uncles,aunts and all those who were there when we grow and there comment really matter im in my teen but i still feel ugly because my aunt always said you dont look like your father u dont have fair skin etc but i swear to god you are not alone we are here together and maybe not today not tommorow we will overcome it and we will stand with our head held high . i wish you all an amazing life .peace and love

I turned to sweets when my alcoholic mother would neglect me when I was a child. Because of this I was a big kid. I got teased & shamed by my peers, daily. By high-school I was excessively exercising and starving myself. It became an obsession to stay in shape. By college, that was all I ever thought about. I would wake up at 4am to get a workout in before my first class, & be exhausted through classes all day. To this day, at age 46, I exercise daily, watch my calories and pay more attention to my appearance than needed. I feel if I am able to look a certain way I won't attract the negative attention from hecklers and naysayers. It's a defensive mechanism. I know it's not healthy, but accepting myself has always been the hardest task in life for me. 😔

This is so true when I was child I was always differently depending on how I looked that day, and having a pedophile father did not help. I hope to heal the trauma soon It's manifested into body dismorphia symptoms and everyday I see myself a different way than the day before it sucks

To the *incredible person* that's seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.

“The prince says that the world will be saved by beauty! And I maintain that the reason he has such playful ideas is that he is in love.” 😁 - Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Idiot

I wasn’t fortunate enough to have a good childhood, so I’ve experienced that lack of love and the self-hatred that follows. As an adult however, one of the most important things for me to be able to like or love what I see in the mirror was for me to earn my own respect and do the hard work of taking care of my health and dressing in a way that makes me feel great. Outer appearances and your physical body are not the only important things, but they ARE important things.

My mother always cared about my looks. Even when I was little. She dressed me up in pretty dresses, styled my hair, and what not. Once I found a pic of kid-me and she told me how big my stomach looked. Dude. All kids look like that. They all have "big stomachs". No wonder I have so many insecurities about my looks... even thought my mother states she loves me. Maybe she does. In her own way. Or maybe she just loves a certain idea or image of me. It's painful.

"Feeling ugly stems from a deficit of love, never of beauty." These two things are not necessarily mutually exclusive, and the concepts are vague. Depending on the kind of "love" one is referring to, a lack of love can absolutely stem from a deficit of beauty. It has been scientifically demonstrated that people are attracted to certain traits more than others. When someone has a deficit in beauty, in this way, they will be much more likely to experience fewer romantic engagements and opportunities. They will get less attention as compared with their peers. These things are very important to humans, and permeate social activities. The likelihood of love or attention someone gets is demonstrably contingent upon their beauty. It is important to see value in people beyond that, but this is a descriptive point about human nature. How we feel about ourselves has so much to do with our experience of acceptance within our communities, as social beings.

Though I have been loved and adored by my parents and my relatives, the way my first boyfriend shamed me for not being beautiful left an irrevocable scar in my heart and left me feeling ugly and unloved. Fortunately, I have met a number of people who love me genuinely regardless of my appearance and began to feel whole again. Even though sometimes I still couldn't help but feel physically inadequate, I try to remind myself that things aren't as extreme as my inner demon try to convince me. I do have my own beauty and there are people who recognize such beauty as well. In a way, I have regained the love within myself and began to spread love to others just like how I was raised to be. The tough part now is learning to accept my physical appearance without stigmatizing it. It can't be denied that I'm overweight. So, I'm planning to gradually lose weight and become more fit. To that end, I am trying to remind myself that I'm losing weight not because I am not beautiful but because it would be more healthy to do so. Honestly it's still a challenge. But I hope I'm going into the right direction.

A Friend of mine once said "beauty is when love becomes visible." I ever since remembered this sentence (maybe not often enough) and I like to think, that this appeals for all of us, even through a mirror.

I was dumped by someone I've dated online for 5 years and was engaged to because she said I wasn't attractive. We exchanged pictures and video chatted many times without her ever mentioning this and she accepted my proposal. I try to keep my thoughts positive, but it's really hard to do when you have the thought that, "I'm so ugly that even someone who loves me can't stand to be with me."

One is caught up playing the impassioned protagonist in one’s Subjective Narrative of Self. 🎈

"They were, when it mattered, left painfully unloved and ignored to an extent that they are liable never to have recognised or mourned adequately; their arrival in the world did not delight a few people as it should have done, and therefore need compassion, sympathy and emotional validation far more than they will ever require the tools of outward beautification." This is just so poignant and beautifully true.

As someone recoverying from an ED, his hits hard

I agree with this video; you feel beautiful by being loved, not compliments. However, purely from a practical standpoint (i.e., dating), looks are still important. I’m not a 10/10, but I promise that putting effort into small things like your hair and clothes can make a dramatic difference; it makes you look and feel more confident. I’m privileged to be able to afford replacing my wardrobe and hair product, though.

got me in tears crying THANK YOU

"There is no definition of beauty, but when you can see someone's spirit coming through, something unexplainable, that's beautiful to me." - Liv Tyler Love the video, keep it up guys ❤️

How the heck did you guys know I was thinking about this?!

Just so y’all know, I’ve never seen an ugly person in my entire life, so if you think you’re ugly, trust me, you’re not.

Missing Alain’s superb narration …. but the female reader has a lovely tone.

As a professional makeup artist for over 10 years in downtown Chicago, I can absolutely attest the the accuracy of this message. I was privileged to have thousands of strangers from all different ages, races, genders, and socioeconomic statuses confide their deepest physical insecurities in me before I spent 45 or so minutes applying products and getting to know them. I’m a good makeup artist and I really enjoy making people feel attractive. But over the years, I had to come to terms with the fact that neither the products I was selling nor the well-meaning compliments on my clients’ physical beauty meant anything at all. Worse yet, I was making my living by planting more seeds of insecurity in them and myself by maintaining a focus on superficial changes-which I knew would never solve the real problem of needing to heal our individual and collective shame. Thanks so much for making me feel better about being unemployed, makeupless, unshowered, and unashamed, School of Life!

We should learn that it's ok to be ugly instead of lying that we are all beautiful, because no one is perfect so it's ok to not be perfect

It’s difficult to start off in an unloving childhood and then try to reverse that negative self esteem, especially in a society that praises external beauty. Thanks for this video.

I was unloved but also abused. My nose was broken when I was very young and it has grown badly, and my jaw is uneven and clicks. I obsess about saving up enough to fix my nose because wearing a face mask for this past year has shown me how much nicer I'm treated when it is covered.

This is sad but true...that this problematic self-image comes 'from a deficit of love, never of beauty.' We must learn self-love and self-reliance. No one will be a better friend, than you to yourself.🙏❤️

I think my issues started in childhood, my mums friends would say how handsome I looked and it felt like the only value I had was looks and when you find out your just average, you feel you have no value anymore. I don't think we should compliment kids on looks at all even if it's just a self esteem boost, I think it just adds pressure and makes it seem like it's the most important thing about you, so you fight to keep up your only sense of worth they had for you.

"Feeling ugly stems from a deficit of love, never beauty."

Having a signature everything made me feel significantly more attractive. I wear the same style everyday with the exact same makeup. Once a began to feel familiar with the way i looked, knowing exactly what i look like at any given time, i stopped checking mirrors and reverted my focus to internal. And no, not tge cliche being a Better person. My personality features that i genuinely find attractive i enhanced. One of which for example are my interests in science. I find intelligent people immensely sexy regardless of their age. 1. Find a signature everythings and stick to that so you grow familiar with how you look and hence more comfortable. 2. Find your favorite non physical traits about yourself that don't involve other people. Fo you think you have an attractive music taste? Do you have any hobbies that make you feel unique? Do you have a particular talent that you can feel good about showing off the fruits of? Express them and focus on them. Make them part of everything in your life and who you are. Grow into yourself

I love 's way of thinking so much, can literally talk about any topic and I'm hooked You've got this :)

Dietitians aren't all weight-loss oriented! S lot of us, including me, are body positive and anti diet, working hard to improve our patients' relationships with food and their body.

A 4 minute video that's filled with so many beautiful gems of wisdom! ❤ To avoid myself quoting the whole video, I am restricting myself to highlighting few parts from this satisfying speech. 🌟😇 00:23 How beautiful we FEEL has nothing to do with the objective structure of our face or body; it isn't what we look like that counts, it's how we FEEL INSIDE. 02:08 The truly blessed among us are not those with perfect symmetry; they are those whose past affords them the luxury, not to give too much of a damn whatever the mirror happens to say. (I loved the part leading to the above words as well!) 03:58 Feeling ugly stems from a deficit of love, never of beauty.

Without watching the video I have always had issues with my self image because of a narcissistic mother who crushed my feelings every time as a child about my appearance . Being 20 now I just don’t care , leave it as it’s meant to be . You are only beautiful as your smile so have a huge one on your gave and walk out 👍 .

I'm so grateful of this channel. Y'all give such good advice and are so caring. Thank you for helping people evolve with each video y'all do. It really helps all of us heal. Ily the school of life :°)

The voice is so soothing

"Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think, more talented than you know, and capable of more than you imagine."✊✊💪💪

We don't need to be beautiful, we need to be comfortable in our own skin.

All dreamers out there keep going this is temporary situation it will pass don't lose hope your success will don't give up 💪 💪

PLEASE BRING THE VOICE OF THE MAN IT WAS THE MOST PEACEFUL LOVELY VOICE

This video has been released at right time I think ! I don't know whether God is ture or not but I hope always something out there to help us to get back into the track . Thanks for the school of Life .

I’ve been a subscriber for longer than I can remember, yet continue to derive so much wisdom from your uploads. Thank you 🌟🤩

Life is indeed simple. Realising the same is very difficult, as we are all frail to judgement & perceptions. Thanks to this channel and the beautiful people of this community, who elucidate and help us to feel less worried and liberated.

"Defiant good humour"! Loved that!

I am objectively ugly but I don't mind. I still have my hobbies and interests and what I look like doesn't affect these.

I struggle with my hair daily, its never 'right' every haircut I get doesn't live up to the image in my head. My hair has a mind of its own, I have 3 cowlicks and two crowns so my hair never sits in a uniform direction. Even hairdressers are at a loss sometimes, It makes me feel so ugly not because the hair itself is ugly just that I cant control it, I cant make it look the way that I want. I struggle with control and in a strange way i've come to think of my hair as a constant physical reminder of my lack of control in life, a biological reminder of my own inability to conquer my body. But trying to force my hair to look the way I envision is exhausting me so im trying to reframe my relationship with my hair: instead of spending all my energy energy worrying about my hair, upset that I cant force it to look the way that I want, I can just let it be. I wast so much energy and time nitpicking every stray curl, I let it ruin my confidence and stop me from making connections with people because im so afraid they will judge me. There will always be things that you cant control about your body, but you cant let that stand in the way of living your life. Its a tough lesson and ive on no way mastered it yet, but I hope that one day I will.

I find self-love to be a big part of how beautiful we feel but I must say for me, when I am active (particularly cycling) sweating, excited about what is happening in my life suddenly the inflammation disappears, my weight stabilizes and I feel great about my appearance. It’s all connected

TLC "unpretty" played in the back of my mind as I listened. I needed this. Thank you.

This was by far one of your deepest video. Thank you.

This essay was a big step up over "how to love ugly people" I'm very interested in this subject. I think Alain makes some important points

"The issue is never about our appearance; it's about our vulnerability to humiliation".

‘It’s about a lack of love not a lack of beauty’ call me jaded but in my experience these are directly linked to each other. The prettier you are the happier people are to see you, so if you are average or below you need to compensate with charisma to be in the same realm

Geometry is only one aspect of beauty. Being comfortable in your own skin is beautiful. Self knowledge is beautiful. Confidence is beautiful. Health is beautiful, and this can be affected by emotional turmoil. Strength is beautiful. Being a balanced and well rounded person is beautiful. I also think years of feeling and thinking in certain ways can affect the geometry of our facial features.

I got a nose job at 17 and I’m much happier but only because that made it easier for me to love myself, I don’t love myself only because I think I’m pretty now, I don’t even love myself enough yet. But to those wondering, some people noticed because I was swollen but almost nobody noticed the real change

I love the school of life and like this video. I am also a Dietitan. I don’t get referrals to help people feel beautiful, only to help empower people improve there own health 😎

Feeling ugly stems from a defecit of love, because you are perceived as ugly subconsciously by others. No one wants to admit it though.

i'm crying. thank you.

Wow.. this really knocked the wind out of me and made me sit down....

The graphics of this video are spectacular! And very well supportive of the "text" ."

You [alone] we worship, and You [alone] we ask for help; Guide us to the straight path, we worship You, and we do not worship anyone other than You; we ask You for help and we do not ask anyone other than You for help. Worship” ( ‘ibadah) refers to everything that Allah loves and is pleased with of actions and words, both outward and inward. “Seeking help” refers to relying upon Allah (4s) when seeking to attain what is beneficial and ward off what is harmful, whilst trusting that one will attain that. Worshipping Allah and seeking His help is the means of attaining eternal happiness and salvation from all evils; there is no other way of attaining salvation apart from doing these two things. Soorat al-Fatihah

HOW TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL ME: Click as fast as I could 😅

Self-love is very important, but so is objectivity. *Sometimes* an attractive person believes they are ugly and self-love can help. But the truth is that loving yourself will not make you beautiful to other people, and hating yourself will not make you ugly. Attraction is far more complicated than that. And a self-loving person does not need to lie to themselves about it. Self-love is important because it makes it easier to bear painful realities, like loneliness, and it makes it possible to have a sense of humor about one's predicament, like being alone. It is not a magical cure that erases all of your problems.

Inner beauty is good, but things are always changing.

Can you do a video on how to be less vulnerable to humiliation please? 😥

The timing of this video seriously makes me question whether my thoughts are my own

Beauty is in the eye of it's/the beholder

"We do not become refusing to acknowledge something above us, but by respecting something abovr us" Goethe

My God, sometimes i think she has the most beautiful voice I've ever heard. Who is she??

People don't judge by looks anymore. They judge by vibes, what is in your heart and your mind will effortlessly emit in your essence.

Thanks for the video! Insightful as always.

One of the lessons I wish I could’ve taught my 20-something self is that if you believe people’s yes’es you will have to believe their no’s. Therefore disregard them both equally

I only feel pretty a few days before my period.

wow that made me cry a little

So beautifully said❤️

well done

No! Not everything can be traced to a trauma in our childhood! This is often exaggerated in TSOL. Although the message here is good and sound, don´t conclude that you must have had a partially terrible childhood if you feel insecure about your looks. Its quite common, especially among younger people.

Beauty is a social construct. The idea of beauty is subjective and individual to each person.

Feeling beautiful and actually being beautiful are 2 very different things.

No one is born ugly We just live in a judgemental society - Kim Namjoon 💜💜bts

How to look. beautiful... Just act yourself and everything will come align.

Your videos have been helping me through my darkest episodes Thank you 🌹

This is just amazing.

For me it is very helpful to remember that its all based on politics and money. If a person loves and accepts the way he/she looks, the biggest industries lose a lot of money cause they have less money.. and for Woman i encourage to read "The beauty myth" by Naomi Wolf. Now that i know that it is a radical social act to love my looks as they are, it empowers the hell out of me. Also, beauty standarts are different everywhere. I think kindness, respect, sensitivity, shouldve been cheaper for society to promote but would literaly save so many lifes..

I wish more people in Korea learnt about this. Looks are as important as money ㅠㅠ