"It may seem difficult at first, but everything is difficult at first."

I became less awkward as soon as I stopped caring about how I appear to others, and being up-front about my weaknesses. "Sorry what was your name again? Sorry, it takes me a few times hearing a name to remember it" then I'll repeat their name out loud. Ive learned being completely genuine is the purest form of communication and it never fails me. Keep in mind sometimes being genuine means shutting down conversation when the other person is participating in bad faith. That's still a success.

"You're not trying to get them to like you" For whatever reason, I found this mindblowing.

How To Stop Being So Awkward? don't stop it. let the awkward flow through you.

The biggest change I ever made in my social conversations was SLOWING DOWN. I used to try so hard to have a witty reply ready IMMEDIATELY, and I would definitely panic in those unpredictable scenarios

I love how he always gives practical, real life scenario examples.

I love how you addressed the fact that women are humans. It reminds me of my favorite quote from George R.R. Martin. When asked how he is able to write female characters so well, he replied, "You know, I've always considered women to be people."

My mentality in college was : I want to get better at talking, so I'd try elaborate stuff, dumb stuff, weird stuff, emotional stuff, etc. It worked since I was more focused in trying stuff because I thought "there's a high chance I won't meet this person again and they forget about me so I'll grind some social exp for myself using them". Same as for talking to women, guess what, as Dr said it's the same kind of interactions until you decide to change the objective. Personally I like to chat with someone and then after a couple of days change my objectives, friendship? Relationship? I want to learn from them? Get a grindset gamers, and try to have fun at it

6:50 That plan is all fine and good, until the cashier asks, "How are you today?", thereby throwing the plan completely off course.

What helped me was realizing that being quiet and awkward draws more attention to yourself when the goal is the opposite. Having a confident conversation draws less attention and is better for everyone involved

Man this is right on time, I used to be very social but since covid all my negative beliefs about myself are flaring up bad getting in the way of socializing

Dr. K scares me sometimes with the timing and topic of his uploads

I found this advice useful. My normal excuse for not approaching with people is "I don't have a clear reason for taking to them". I never thought to set my "reason" or objective as seeing if the person is worth interacting with

my biggest problem is, when someone wants to get to know me, i don't always convey myself correctly. sometimes i lie on the spot because i'm not sure how to put something in words right off the bat. sometimes there are multiple truths about me that i want to answer back but i feel forced to stick to what is relevant with the given context. it's hard to explain. i know i'm not doing it right.

You know. I feel bad for folks who did not figure this out when they were younger. But luckily I figured this out in grade school, which got me into a lot of trouble, but helped my social life immensely. “Coolness” that social phenomenon where people like you, want to be around you, sometimes become jealous of you, or just are more open to you, largely has to do with NOT GIVING AN F what people think of you. Being the most authentic you without shame or guilt. In fact, showing shame and guilt are instant signals to other people that deters them or can deter them from socializing with you. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel shame or guilt if you’ve actually hurt someone or done something wrong, I’m talking about shame and guilt just for being you and the way you are. And yes, this got me in a lot of trouble, especially in grade and middle school when people are trying to “form” you, but it also increased my friendships and social sphere by a thousand. And everyone presents differently when they aren’t giving an F, my version was to wear pajamas all day, or to dye my hair and become something of a “punk” by 5th grade, which in the late 80s , early 90s was not nearly as common as it is today. But by high school I was just wearing pajamas or whatever I felt like and not really caring about style and it had the same basic effect. It’s not about WHAT you’re wearing it’s why you’re wearing it and how you feel in it. Anyway, you eventually have to negotiate a socially acceptable extent if not giving a F. You don’t want to go complete psycho or Joker. But basically, be you, unashamed and unabashed. And it helped me overcome e my actual awkwardness and place on the spectrum and it sort of allowed me to be a giant nerd and A+ student without appearing condescending or snotty. Oh, and always stand up to our bullies. Don’t give them 10 seconds. Hit back before they can finish their sentence when you’re u know it’s happening. You can do that with your brain and mouth or your fists, but I’d advice doing it with your brain and mouth when possible. Anyway, yea, this isn’t clinical advice, I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist. But this was my personal experience. And it began because I realized, all the people that others found “cool”, whether in school, in the neighborhood, in pop culture or wherever, had one thing in common, they did not show shame or guilt for who they are, they acted generally like they did not give two Fs what others thought of them and thus were able to act without having to overthink their every action and relationship. And this goes for both men and women. Don’t treat women any different at first then you would your guy friends. In fact, the best way usually to get a girl to like you, is often to act as if you do not care at all if the girl likes you. But it has to be genuine. Yes, she can tell. So you actually have to throw that caution to the wind for better or worse and not worry if she will like you by the end of the day.

I've been alone for so long, that I'm almost sure I can't contribute anything to the conversation. It feels like not a single human would like to be my friend. Really hard to socialize with a mindset like that

For me the biggest problem is that I get EXTREMELY exhausted from a conversation. I can’t be in a conversation for too long without burning out and wishing we could stop talking. I literally don’t have stamina to talk most of the time whether I want to or not. I also need 3/4ths of my time alone if I’m to function, so I don’t get a lot of time to socialize. It’s also not fun to always be called “lame” and “virgin” with the few times in my life that I have tried to “hang out.” If I’m not going to click I won’t even try. But sadly you need to socialize in society. I could go on but long story short it’s a lot…

You must let the awkward flow through you. I have fought my entire life (I'm 36) with being socially anxious and awkward. I had to allow myself to be weird in conversations. I had to talk and chat and practice with strangers over and over. Each time was a learning experience and each time, I had to just accept that I might say something weird but to keep trying anyways. It's definitely a skill that can be acquired. You just make a habit of practicing at it a little bit everyday whether that's talking to someone while waiting in line or to a coworker in the break room for 60 seconds. Not taking failures to heart and remembering that you're a person worth getting to know and becoming a potential friend with. Will I ever stop doubting myself and feeling anxiety on occasion when I talk to people? Nope. But I know I'm way better than I was years and years ago. I can hold my own very well in conversations in different situations now because I embraced the awkward.

I think this is more difficult when you have been bullied Idk I just can't go talk to a person without thinking they'll make fun of how socially awkward I am or that, even if I make a friend, they'll be my friends but I'll just be an acquaintance to them or Idk, something to laugh at It's fine and all to say "just try to talk to people", but I'm convinced that if I did it'll just be awkward, because it has been most of the time that I tried, and there's nothing that worsens more the anxiety than being right

I’m the exact opposite. parties and group hangouts are a breeze and I thrive in those environments. but as soon as I’m 1 on 1 with someone I turn into tobey from the office.

The problem comes when you have to be witty or say something funny, people will most likely ignore you if you aren't saying something interesting or funny.

As someone also on the spectrum, your explanation about the goal of conversation (and the ways that goal-setting fails) is a literal revelation. The analogy of it as a shared sandbox game is also really helpful, so thank you, very much. I actually had the opportunity to try out the new perspective today, shortly after I watched the video, and it went so much better than usual! It was more enjoyable, and I actually had a small back and forth with the other person, which rarely happens. It's definitely going to take some practice to do regularly, but I think I can do it. Thank you again.

Something else to consider... I'm a woman who has never really had trouble with socializing, and I don't consider myself awkward. In fact, I make friends quite easily. However, I VERY MUCH gravitate towards awkward people to be my friends and romantic partners. The post could very well have been written by my ex. As others have said here in the comments, just embrace your awkwardness and go for it. Some of us love awkward people 💗

It always boggles my mind when dudes don't know how to talk to a girl, it reminds me of how dudes don't see us girls as human like them lmao like bro, we have way more in common than you think, we just look a little different haha As a girl, it's really easy to sense when a dude is trying to talk to me and I can tell that he doesn't see me as a human like him and instead a creature he is trying to sexually or romantically acquire, I can always sense when that's the intention Therefore, if you wanna know how to talk to us girls, start by seeing us like human beings like you, not just a thing that fucks and kisses you 🥴

"setting a goal that you don't know how to execute" that really resonated with me

My biggest fear is saying something stupid and because I'm socially awkward, I sometimes do...which starts the cycle all over again 🤣

It's a brief interaction. My magnificent brain: Unless that person kidnaps you.

I usually like to use my awkwardness for humor and I just let it flow.

5:15 "Life is Dark Souls with no wiki" ~ Shomiyomi 🧠

I usually never relate to most of Dr K’s videos but this one really hit close to home

For my fellow awkward lads, "awkward silence" is not nearly as awkward as you think it is, honestly. Don't wrap your head around what the other person thinks of the silence, that's the key.

This channel keeps me human

How I became more social: I got rid of a lot of conveniences, conveniences make me so lazy and antisocial but it make life so easy.

When it comes to socializing and mingling with other people, just remember to be first comfortable with yourself. The energy you put out into the external world will depend on what you’re already feeling internally. The people you interact with are pretty much just picking up on your vibe. It takes repetition. Once you’re able to and are used to social interactions with others, you’ll actually find it becoming easier and easier to talk with people. Then eventually you’ll naturally raise your confidence level and making a couple of friends here and there will be a cinch. ✌️

Right when I need it. Thank you Dr.K

“Just don’t share deez nuts” This man is a gem

Haven't watched the video yet but I want to say BIG TRUE I feel the exact same way. Like people don't want me there, that I'm just troubling them and they're being kind enough to put up with me. It's also not an issue when it comes to predefined roles, even speaking publicly isn't too much of an issue because I know these people came here to listen to me or the broader subject that I'm talking about. But when it comes to making friends I don't see why anyone would want to listen to me since I have nothing interesting to say.

I'm on the spectrum Finally some advice that would benefit me xD I do find it very ... fascinating how I'm bad with big groups but I'm fine 1 on 1 depending if I'm comfortable with the person

This is something I really needed to hear many, many, many years ago.... Especially the "it's not going to be the end of the world if the interaction goes wrong" part. Kind of assumed the goal of interaction is achieving everybody you talk to like you, at least not detest?... It's obvious now how destructive this thought actually is.... I'm so glad I heard something liberating. Thank you so much, Doctor K. Shocking how simple it in fact is and how life-changing for someone, who doesn't get social interactions intuitively at all.

This was genuinely helpful. Usually advice about this topic assumes that being excessively worried about what other people think about you is the only reason for awkwardness. I can’t even get that far. I can’t even begin to consider what other people are thinking about me. I’m struggling to form sentences and give relevant and coherent responses that are socially appropriate. Not because I fear rejection or judgment but because I’m a human being who wants to interact with other human beings sometimes. Like yes, I really just need instructions for conversation. Not because I have overthought it but because I straight up don’t know how.

regarding the online interaction part, i’ve met 2 of (who i would regard as) my best friends through a twitch chat. we started talking on discord a lot and play games almost every day. it’s weird but i open up to them more than my irl friends

I don't know how to be myself. Every time I try I get shit on for it or I just straight up annoy people with my ADHD. It's easier to just keep to myself but it makes me so depressed and drowned in my dark thoughts. There doesn't seem to be a good path for me when it comes to socializing. The only true close friend I've ever had was my childhood friend who's autistic.

My own personal advice after overcoming this hurdle in my life: You really don't need a reason to ask somebody a question, even if you feel like you do. I always let conversations end because I felt it'd be weird to ask a different, totally unrelated question. As long as it's not inappropriate or weirdly targeted, just throw questions out there when they come to you. You'll quickly find that people are happy to answer your questions even if there's not a direct relation to whatever you were talking about. It will teach you how to pace conversations, when to let people keep talking, and when to pick up the conversation and move it elsewhere. Plus it sends a message that you are interested what they have to say and anybody likes knowing that. Once I stopped being scared to ask questions I became much more comfortable talking to people.

Found this channel through online acquaintances. Super glad they did, in depth discussions I can actually relate to make me feel a bit better.

Glad I found this. I really have no clue what being awkward is even like. I always just say what's on my mind. Sometimes people laugh, sometimes they just nod, but the vast majority of the time I don't know what they do as I don't remember what they did. Things interest me, I will discuss these things of interest.

Perfect timing, I don’t think I’m autistic this pandemic just fucked me lmao

Dr. K, the hero we needed.

9:46 I guess that's where I go wrong. Every social interaction I have it feels like I have to be "on" and do or say whatever it takes to make them like me cause I feel like the default position is people hating me and not wanting me around so I have to combat that every opportunity I get 🙄

I'd love to see more on this topic Dr K! Honestly need all the help possible on this lol. Talking to other shy gamers, while being socially anxious myself is so fokin hard and confusing as hell. Thank you so much to you and your Team!

ive been interacting with a lot of people recently and it is AMAZING how many of them are completely clueless as to the two simple concepts of: 1) invite the other person to share (ask questions) and 2) share information yourself. you can get along with almost everybody, save the people incapable of doing these themselves, if you do this. its ironic too that most of the people ive talked with, its "normal" people (non mentally ill/nd, regular popular hobbies and interests, regular life, etc) that struggle the most with this. people on 4chan have better social skills than redditors for example.

I'm on a spectrum as well. This video was incredibly helpful. Setting goals for social interactions so they are less jarring. They are just brief chance meetings and then either going separate ways or meeting again. Getting to know someone else and sharing a few things about myself

I have only watched a few videos so far, but this is currently one of my favorite channels. I have been looking up to some different sources of knowledge in an attempt to better myself, on youtube I think two of the most impactful channels have been charisma on command and jordan peterson, and now healthy gamer is like a perfect blend of them (including some others that I don't know as much). He's closer to my generation and has, or at least understands, the same point of view of life; so in a way it's like a future version of me who has mastered life and now can give the best advice on how to go through it.

You just made my day, and I predict life, better. This is exactly what I needed. Someone to ground me and tell me not to overthink, when it comes to socializing . Thank you.

Just came back from a movie theater w a girl (i'm also a girl) and it was supposed to be a group thing but everyone else backed out. I kept bringing stuff up on the way there and back and she'd reply but not really help the convo. It was so awkward. And the worst part is she's pretty normal w other people, so i wonder if i just dk how to converse??? Ugh and then this was recommended lol

Dude your videos and the messages they send is divine timing as always!

Me who doesn't like sharing my thoughts because all I have is depressed thoughts: mmmm sharing 🤔 never thought of that! Great video though! Dr K is outta here doing god's work

A really great tip of not setting any expectations on you or your companions. Thank you for the video!

Thank you!! . literally perfect advice idk how ive never seen it now!!

I feel like I can relate to this so much. Thank you for a clear understanding on how to be more self aware of what is going on and how to enter conversations. I am going to try this at work today instead of the usual robotic response that are programmed from the "goal".

I just found your channel a month or so ago I continue to watch your content and you're now one of my favorite KZfaq content creators, You're a phenomenal therapist and I truly believe that if you have a job and you can help one person life be better or help them see light where there was only darkness then you have a professional You are a professional you are successful and that your life has tremendous purpose, You on the other hand have helped thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people and I think that's really cool , just an appreciative subscriber 🙏 thank you for all that you do 🔥

Cool video, the steps seem pretty simple and easy to follow!! I'm gonna try this with some of my friends and see how it goes. It's been getting hard to get our convos to flow lately, hopefully it'll work

Your videos have helped me so much, thank you :)

Dude the way he breaks things down feels so simple yet makes it feel like magic

This is eye opening, I have realised that to have interactions at work os easy but in a social environment very difficult, this is a good reason why.

"that's why it's so easy to interact with people on discord because there's no expectation" me who has repeatedly blocked random people on discord because I was scared of the commitment of being online friends: o_o

Saw a few comments in chat saying things about hating small talk. Here's something fun i started doing, (don't remember where i got it from) once small talk has started, or someone says something, listen to what they say. What was the most interesting part of what they said? Focus on that. Ask a question about it, or relate to it in some way. Then when they say something else, what was the most interesting part of that? Focus on that. You just follow this thread of what is the most interesting. I have had some surprisingly deep convos in very small periods of time, and gotten to know people quickly this way. It's honestly kinda fun haha

Your topic about video games earlier and this video would boil down into one thing: We're being spoiled too much by our technology and grew too dependent on it

As a "grill" or woman, Thank you for treating us as humans, haha! No but honestly its nice you default to woman instead of alienating the gender :) Also i agree on the "just talk to a woman like you would a man." there is no difference and they can make just as good friends as men can! And if your goal is to get a girlfriend or boyfriend, then don't try with that goal in mind, because that goal is coming across and it should happen naturally instead of being forced :)

The problem with interactions is that there is few of myself than when it's my turn to share something I either have nothing to say or have something so pathetic and humiliating that I just don't want to. Interactions have always been out of reach for me. Ever since I can remember there was just never something to talk about. I can't make friends, I need other people to come and befriend me. (happened once in my life, strangely) I'll never be able to have a girlfriend. For obvious reasons and some more. I'll never do well in jobs, as connections are often as important as qualifications. I just don't understand how people can enjoy talking to other people, there's just nothing more stressing than that.

It was so hard talking to strangers at first but I realized that if you just be yourself and not care about what the other person thinks about you, you can be a master at being social. I used to care about what other people thought about me and had to think about everything that I had to say and it therefore made me awkward and anxious because I felt like people were judging everything that I was saying. Now I really don't give af what people think about what I am saying to them. If you like me for me and what I am genuinely saying to you its fine but if you don't like it I don't give a single f. And it makes relationships way better because instead of catering to people's interests and making them like you for someone who you're not, you find people who like YOU FOR YOU, and not someone who aren't. Getting to that point is hard because you have to realize inside that you are worth having good people around you, and people have to earn that privilege of being with you. Having that feeling of lack inside of you will make you feel like you have to please other people to like you, when in reality you don't have to do that. Basically you have to think to yourself instead of worrying if the other person likes you, you have to think if you like them instead. Then you gain that confidence to be who you are to anyone and not care what they think about you.

Dr.K "At the end of the day if you say something wrong, its not that big of a deal" WRONG I will lay awake at night 10 years from now like "Damn I said some stupid shit"

I’ve lived in Italy my whole life, my parents meeting here and all that jazz. My dad is English and my mom is Japanese so they made me learn both. On the internet, it’s easier to fit in being an English person; so I’ve made English my main language over the course of the years. Thing is I kind of forgot Italian. I can’t finish a whole sentence usually because I forgot a goal and I’m pretty much friendless now… Relearning Italian is not an option as now I must learn French German and advanced Japanese, and I have tons of tests coming up. What do I do??! No one wants to talk to me and just sees me as awkward..?

Thanks doc, this really helped!

I am taking notes while listening to this XD. This is one of my biggest struggles in life!

Damn, thank you for your work, Dr. K!

I actually practiced and learnt very simple conversation starters and ways to handle simple things like greetings at first. Since I am pretty quiet, when i moved to Switzerland only speaking English and french without an ounce of german in me. I barely spoke for my first few years because i would draw a blank in german since i only knew how to do it in english and french. So i translated and wrote down simple conversation starters, tricks and tips and other little things to work my way around the start of conversations. The rest of it was brute forcing it by forcing myself to use these things and watching and observing what people did and simulating how I would react in the same situation in my head.

I've recently moved back to my hometown. A few social interactions have made me feeling very awkward - although I am fluent in my native language, it is not at the level at which most people here converse. This leaves me in very awkward situations where I am left blank in many situations. I am usually decent in social situations and think I am, at many times, able to carry a decent conversation, after moving back I have often found myself draw blanks because I am not able to give a quick response. The interactions here are often in form of banter and I am unable to give a witty response back and left feeling pretty dumb

Very insightful video, thank you

thank you dr. k this helped me a lot

I mainly struggle with anxiety of talking to a new person because for some reason I always want to make that person feel comfortable in the conversation when that just makes me more awkward and quiet, making me focus on what I;m saying more and not being as free resulting in the conversation being worse, I also hate the way my voice sounds and the embarrasment of voice cracks and like stutters, etc. I've struggled alot with social anxiety growing up especially with how often I was bullied. Now I'm in a school that has the most accepting community but the older I've gotten the more quiet, self-concious, and socially anxious I've gotten. When I'm in a class with my friends I open up a bit more because It feels like I have a support almost, but I'm still not my fully genuine self.

These videos really help me mentally 😥

Thank you for helping us :) really. Thank you so so much for caring.

I dont socialize much because because people i interact with can suddenly turn hostile and I have no idea what i said or did wrong..

love these vids!

I feel some stuff written in the post.!! YOU know what the WORST is? My boyfriend's dad is afraid that his son (and now me too bc I defended my boyfriend) won't earn lots of money later & not being able to apply for a job bc we don't have the know how. He comes to that totally wrong conclusion bc my boyfriend and I aren't the most active persons in small talk & conversations. We don't always reply with a full sentence to a story somebody else told us. We give them a chuckle or else but there is nothing for us to say. And bc of that his dad thinks we are failures and will not accomplish anything in life. I hate that his dad really believes that & is sad and furious bc of that and gets really upset about that; he doesn't listen to what we say and started insulting our way of being but not on purpose bc we insulted him not on purpose with just the way we are. i'm a quiet person but I still will make it in life....

I never struggled with social interaction, but this still helps a lot.

As someone on the spectrum, I wanted to contribute my strategy for social interaction, since the original Reddit post mentioned the spectrum. Like Dr. K says, every interaction has a purpose. Any time I'm about to interact with someone, I ask myself what the goal is. Maybe I need their advice? Maybe I want to ask them for something? Maybe I just want to have fun talking? Once I have my goal, I can consider which phrases and tools I can use to accomplish this goal. Sometimes, situations change. Maybe when I started, I wanted to just chat for fun and talk about my interests. However, the other person says something like "yeah dude I love working out." My goal is now malleable, and I can pursue the lead they've given me. They mentioned it, so maybe they're trying to fulfill a goal of bragging about their workout routine? My goal now changes to "What is their goal? Can I take any advice from it?" From there, I can consider what to say to further my new goal. Conversation is fast-paced and intense for me, even if it's casual and meaningless, and is quite draining because I have to think so hard to get it done. It takes practice, and sometimes the willingness to experiment when interacting with a friend, which will then teach me something about talking to someone in my future.

As an introvert and omnivert, I've learned that it's important deal with jumping into the conversation as much as reasonably possible and not to worry about how others are perceiving you. Try not to be completely serious or impose a 'dark' tone onto others (I guess that's if your unhappy with your level of input you can typically communicate out since the introverts usually have that delay while we think before speaking, which is when others typically interject), and just understand that you probably aren't going to be the center of the discussion or even controlling the discussion. Try to get some humor in, but don't try being funny. Unfortunately our society progression has always been slanted towards the extroverts...they will always say that us introverts are 'valued' for our observations and whatever, and they like having us on the team for our opinion. Most of these interactions are somewhat predictable. It seems like a real life RPG!

My mind during an average social interaction be like: "DON'T LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU ARE BROKEN!" "DON'T LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU ARE BROKEN!" "DON'T LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU ARE BROKEN!" "DON'T LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU ARE BROKEN!" "fuck... what were we supposed to talk about?!" "Wait... why is there such awkward silence..." "wait... how long has it been going like that?" "QUICK! Say something about anything... uhmmm... maybe your insecurities will do to break this terrible unbearable quietness and you might garner some sympathy too" * *Talks about insecurities* * * *Other person visibly get's uncomfortable for obvious reasons.* * "GOOD JOB IDIOT THAT'S WHAT WE WERE TRYING TO AVOID IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

I've started thinking of conversation openers to fall back on when none come to mind. They're great for making it look like you're great at spontaneous conversation but don't require spontaneous imagination once memorised. Works for texting/chat rooms too. You can copy-paste them a really detailed opener and look super respectful of their time with zero effort.

i just cant socialize with girls, thats it, i was a popular kid at school, from the amount of people i socialized with and the way i did it, i was friends with alot of people couldnt walk anywhere without stopping and talking to someone, if its the teacher or janitor even, but girls are just a different breed man, i just stay there silently, and after noticing that im awkward i just decide to pretend that the girl isnt there, and just talk to the people i know who are in the group, even if its a girl who has a crush on me, and it was obvious, they'd try to sit close to me, start conversations, and i'd just instantly answer with one word or two, and just talk to another person as if im not interested Edit: i just reached the Grill Part...

HGGG is a blessing ngl! :D Couldn't stop thinking bout No Game No Life and the whole "kusoge life" thing or how even in books, movies and other narrative media the protagonist always has a goal in mind and that's part of the appeal of storytelling so glad I finally learnt the concept: operationalize Thinking about the education system Probably the lack of the skill of operationalizing the solution of complex problems is part of the problem of gifted children and the education system in general since getting good grades only needs you to understand and memorize, which is not exactly complex even if it can be hard so the good grades kid goes into a world which needs operationalizing while everything they've been doing in default education system is simple problem solving wdy guys think?

What if you don't like talking to people for the sake of talking to them? The only times I can ever enjoy a conversation (which is also the only time I can be charismatic and make people laugh, as opposed to being extremely socially awkward and anxious) is when there's a group activity we're all a part of and talking is just a side thing that adds to the activity but doesn't make the activity (for example playing a competitive multiplayer game, but it could be anything irl too). Anything other than that, and I'm completely useless doing basically nothing except waiting for the moment I can leave the situation and do something else. The best answer I can come up to this question is that I'm just not interested in meeting people, and more generally - I'm just not interested in people. I really do prefer being on my own. Now why do I like talking to people when the main thing we're doing is the group activity I'm not really sure. Maybe I do like talking to people, but I just don't enjoy life (or more exactly the usual way life goes) which is something you have to talk about if you're meeting people? No clue.

"... But I don't know many lesbians that refer to other women as grils..."

This honestly makes so much sense to me. This is how I've been for so many years. I never liked going out because I would just stand in the corner and not say anything. Like, I didn't see the point of doing it. Even know, I find myself asking "how the hell do I get into a relationship?" - I have no idea, really! And as Dr. K says, I'm great at completing a task that someone sets me, but not one I set myself.

I feel good about myself after this video.... I can totally go and talk to anyone and I can text people from my school even though we don't really know each other. The only reason why I don't talk a lot is because I do it when I want to and I am content with people around me

We’re so used to things being taken care for us we’ve lost the ability to operationalize, the ability to use abstract thought to solve a problem

my time has come.. i’ve been waiting for a video on this for so long

Social situations are always less awkward when you talk about the latest popular thing.

You can't accomplish everything by just rephrasing a thing in your head, though that is definitely a good thing to do. People who are awkward are afraid of social situations, afraid of embarrassment, afraid of rejection etc. The most important thing they can do is face those fears in small increments until you build up a resistance to those stimuli, after that you won't be tongue tied because you won't be hyper analyzing in order to evade what you're afraid of in social situations. This process is kinda like going to the gym but for your emotions/fears...