How to STOP trauma dumping! (from the victim & support person's perspective)

Рет қаралды 1,571

Күн бұрын

Have you heard of trauma dumping?
Narcissistic abuse victims often get accused of oversharing their story after leaving a toxic relationship. Is all this re-sharing a good thing?
Join Dr. Kerry live, and learn:
1. What is trauma dumping?
2. Why victims feel an intense need or compulsion to revisit the same details of what happened.
3. How to deal with this drive as the victim and as their friend or loved one.
3. And the role of compassion fatigue plays in failing support.
Don't go it alone! Community support is an essential part of healing. Join a group of survivors who understand what you've gone through. Become a member of Toxic-Free Relationship Club and start your healing today: kerrymcavoyphd.com/toxic-free...
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IF YOU ARE A RISK of immediate danger or abuse, please get in touch with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.
DISCLAIMER: All content and information on this website is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute mental health advice. Although I strive to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is not a substitute for professional advice, and you should not rely solely on this information. Always consult a professional in the area for your particular needs and circumstances before making any professional, legal, medical, financial, or tax-related decisions.
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Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., a mental health clinician, is a narcissistic abuse survivor and an expert on cultivating healthy relationships, deconstructing narcissism, and understanding various other mental health-related issues.
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Пікірлер: 36

@janberger4057 15 күн бұрын

Other people either don't recognize it, or they don't want to acknowledge it for their own personal reasons.

@francesbernard2445 14 күн бұрын

Personal reasons like for example when a medical professional is always in a hurry when feeling high levels of stress during the COVID-19 pandemic rules when they have too many patients on their case load to visit at home when on call while they are trying to save a big enough downpayment for their own family home.

@Lyrielonwind 15 күн бұрын

I think we trauma dump because we can't think about anything else and then, we feel guilty because we feel we have become unwillingly toxic and unbearable for those around us. We can't resolve the trauma and we sound obsessive and wanting to be pitied when we really want to feel we matter. Complex ptsd and betrayal trauma dumping might look like vulnerable narcissism to others because our need for validation but I understand it is burdening other and boring. We sound like broken records.

@llhannah9297 14 күн бұрын

@Lyrielonwind Yes, and I think I just wanted people to understand what I was going through but then I realized they're not able to understand. Narcissistic behavior can be just so confusing and shocking that it's difficult to process. And if we do share it with others it's unbelievable, they may not even believe us.

@sthorson3955 14 күн бұрын

People who have never exsperienced trauma or narcissist behavior directed against them, need to stop inappropriate labeling people's lives. Those who have gone through trauma need to talk about it, so they can process what heck happened to them and by talking about the truth about their memories is the beginning of the healing journey.. if a battered individual isn't allowed to process their memories, they will get "stuck" and have shame heaped onto them. I refuse to accept shame for someone's narcissist abuse. It took me many yrs to get here. You cannot overcome something that you're not willing to face and deal with.. if you have fake friends telling you to let it go- remove them from your life,and walk away from your abuser.have no contact with them. If it's a family situation only be in their presence for 40 mins and what ever you do, do not react to their narcissist behavior. Only surround yourself around honest, sincere people and don't tolerate any inconsiderate 💩

@karentonks7581 14 күн бұрын

Whilst I agree with you since we are the stories we share. Narrative therapy is just as important as any other method. Silence can literally create physical illness since the experiences are buried but not lost. We need to stop inappropriately labelling abuse as narcasistic because abusive behaviour can come from any human being. The people whom commit the most heinous crimes aren't diagnosed as this cluster B phenomenon. Neurotypical or so called Normal people can abuse people foe a multitude of reasons. Narcasist as labelling as simply become a slur. People abuse and honestly they say the predominant coupling of narcasistic relationships are with borderlines if we choose to go down that rabbit hole. But we can agree labelling people is inappropriate. We need to call out bad behaviour by other human beings and teach in schools ..self esteem, self worth, self maintenance, accountability, how to have a two way healthy relationship, how to love other's and be more other orientated alongside altruism. When to decide to have children within healthy relationships and how to raise healthy secure children. If we could get that right then maybe the collective healing would have a could chance ?

@francesbernard2445 14 күн бұрын

You would think that medical professionals would all get that trauma survivors approach lfe differently than people do who have yet to experience trauma too while we need to talk about the consequences of that physical and emotional trauma which impacts both our physical health and how we organize our lives for a long time so we do not get misdiagnosed again with what our ex wants to see happen to us when people think we are crazy because of all the lies they have told about us. My advice to you all is that when a medical professional every time you started feeling better during an illness while waiting for your medical appointment and for your appointment at the medical laboratory for a follow up shows you they are not a good listener while all they want to do is hand you only a bandaid with risks prescription for a mind altering substance solution then run for the hills from them and never look back.

@patricksicard_psych 10 күн бұрын

Great advice!

@RobinSpeer 14 күн бұрын

Thank you for the explanation Kerry. Personally, I think the term "trauma dumping" is quite disparaging and was probably coined by a narcissist. People who have been in narcissistic, toxic, abusive relationships whether it is work, family or romantic are usually stifled by being in those relationships and absolutely need to talk and express what happened to them. And I agree that sometimes people who are not trained professionals have their own issues and can't be present for those that are suffering (hence why they respond with inspirational quotes or not helpful statements to shut down uncomfortable conversations) and that's why whether we are the person suffering or the supporting person we should be straight forward before the conversations take off. The one warning I would include is to be aware of the "supportive" person who is actually enjoying the trauma stories. They may get some gratification out of a person suffering which does not help the suffering person. The only way I see to prevent, burning out support people is to not make them the first "go to" when heavy emotions come up; in fact, journal, talk to a trained person and make your supports the last resort.

@llhannah9297 15 күн бұрын

I have never felt more seen than listening to this. THANK YOU I'm going through this right now. Trying to process the trauma I've experienced and having to be more empathetic to people being horrible listeners and even complicating my situation more. There's no words to describe. I'm beyond exhausted and feeling alone. Can't afford therapy.

@KerryMcAvoyPhD 14 күн бұрын

It’s such a tough place. I’m so glad this was helpful. Sending you a big hug.

@haliec496 13 күн бұрын

As a DV survivor, this topic is huge. I needed to hear the words come out of my mouth, I needed someone to hear and understand my words. For someone to listen to me, allowed me to feel safe and believed. Eventually I felt less and less insane. It took me a full year to stop trauma dumping. Now the only person I vent to is my therapist. After going through so much trauma, I will never judge another person for telling me their story. To me it would be a privilege to listen to them. To hold space. Great video.

@KerryMcAvoyPhD 12 күн бұрын

I agree. To hear another’s pain is a sacred space.

@catshouse6192 14 күн бұрын

Yes, be prepared to face the majority where: "Narcissists can not think about other people, obsessive compulsive people can not think about the big picture, passive dependent people can not think for themselves..." The Road Less Travelled By Scott Peck 1978

@marijkevandermeer2772 15 күн бұрын

I received such horrible comments in my environment after I told them about my breakup with the narcissist and a financial fraud i experienced at the hands of another narcissist...it was outer worldly....but I tried not to take these comments personally..as a matter of fact i broke any contact with my narcissist mother...and a few other people in the family and rven friends...

@PaigeSquared 15 күн бұрын

I'm wrapping up a divorce, and I've realized it was always my mom.

@karentonks7581 13 күн бұрын

Talking about ourselves aeemingly excessively can be perceived as self absorbed rather than ' other' orientated. However sharing our stories are cathartic.

@janiceellis8765 14 күн бұрын

So glad I just found you. I've been going thru this on my own for way too long.

@flowergarden-1 15 күн бұрын

A trauma dumper is abusing your time with the unwanted by you, repetitive retelling of their traumatic experiences. Ive seen it with PTSD relarives who suffered physical & sexual abuse and vietnam vets who never got respect.

@KerryMcAvoyPhD 14 күн бұрын

I don’t follow

@STRONGfamVALUEZ 14 күн бұрын

Explaining what happened in my life is traumatic ive been dealing with it by myself . (i do have a therapist) i explained what was going on with a Caseworker an it was met with more gaslighting an they disregarded me. Said i was to emotional.. i need to get a ghost writer i think i need to write a book an tell my testimony.. im getting so tired of being ignored an dismissed. I appreciate ur videos ,

@kristinkemplen2063 12 күн бұрын

Hey, for your group, I know you said you offered financial assistance and that's great. But I don't want to take advantage, because I literally have NO money. Like, I don't even know if I will be able to eat tonight, because I've got to make sure my cats are taken care of, my disability hasn't been approved yet, and my "boyfriend" takes everything and contributes next to nothing. Plus, if he thinks I have money, either he thinks I HAVE to tell him what I spend it on, or he TELLS me what I HAVE to spend it on. God, speak about trauma dumping! Anyways, my point is whenever I get my disability, I'm going to try to hide it from him - although I know that I'm no better than him, doing that- and save up enough to leave him, take my fur babies and get a place for us and my daughter... unless she decides to either get her own place or stay at college. (She is starting college this year! 😊) My point is, when I get my disability, I would like to join your group and I was wondering what the price range was or where I could find it? Thank you 😊

@KerryMcAvoyPhD 12 күн бұрын

I’d love to have you be apart. Please email me and let’s talk

@kristinkemplen2063 11 күн бұрын

@@KerryMcAvoyPhD so would I. I'm so sick of the lies and manipulation that I deal with. Plus, making me sound and feel stupid when I know I'm not! Even if I do have learning disabilities... I've always been intelligent. But I think the worst part is making me become as hateful and vindictive as him... well, maybe not the worst. I'll email you though. 😊

@patricksicard_psych 10 күн бұрын

Dr. Ramani D. World renowned expert on N personality styles.

@KerryMcAvoyPhD 9 күн бұрын

She is amazing.

@whatneth 15 күн бұрын

Perfect topic today

@KerryMcAvoyPhD 14 күн бұрын

Thx you.

@MW-km5pu 14 күн бұрын

I need your talk next week. My adult disabled daughter depends on his medical health insurance. We cannot leave without causing major interruptions to her health care.

@catshouse6192 14 күн бұрын

I disagree with the term "trauma dumping" This is what Cluster B does to their partners and children. I am certain Narc Abuse dynamic must be learned at schools, MUST, if we want to live in a healthy society one day

@francesbernard2445 14 күн бұрын

Going to a friend or a psychologist for help is way different than going to see a medical health professional from that side of town. Well at least it should have been during the COVID-19 rules when medical health professionals are not taking the entire medical history of a trauma survivor all in only 5 minutes while their client is on the way to be be getting a one time snap shot of what their blood cells are doing at that moment while they are already starting to feel better after a short unexplained at the time caused illness which the medical health professional seems determined to misdiagnose as being crazy just as the trauma survivor's ex wanted everyone to believe on that side of town.

@beaglerescue5281 2 күн бұрын

Eye of Horus on the book. Bye 👋

@patricksicard_psych 10 күн бұрын

VNA do present with PTSD as well as other co morbitidies. Therapeutic intervention and journaling. Btw Most lay ppl do not have an understanding of neuroanatomical brain structures and function. Suggestion: keep it simple dr. Kerry Kind regards,

@KerryMcAvoyPhD 9 күн бұрын

Yes simple it’s important. Thx

@kristalmartin6601 9 сағат бұрын

I loved when she talked about how it is all processed in the brain. I am a person however that I want to know all the details, and pathways. I find it very interesting. 😀