Kudos for the Video clip! Excuse me for chiming in, I am interested in your thoughts. Have you ever tried - Rozardner Amazing Soup Reality (do a search on google)? It is a smashing exclusive guide for revealing the simple method to declutter your home minus the normal expense. Ive heard some amazing things about it and my close friend Aubrey after many years got excellent success with it.

@@tonylars4128, The only thing that I can find when I search "rozardner amazing soup reality" is a weight loss program. I, nor my friend needing help, need to lose weight. Do you have a link? Thanks

Yes. Trauma, is a huge component. Abandonment is a form of trauma. While I wasn’t a hoarder, I was disorganized and very messy. I felt overwhelmed with what I had, how to keep things in order. As I did work on my trauma, and faced me feelings and fears, it just became naturally so much easier to organize and make decisions. I found out I had fearful avoidant attachment style. Healing my core wounds, subconscious programming, changing my narratives, all helped me feel empowered and peaceful in a way I never imagined. The Personal Development School helped me so much. She has a KZfaq channel, that I followed for a year, before doing clases through the school. Life changing. A side benefit, I no longer over eat like I did, I don’t crave alcohol. Dealing with the root issues and pain, helped with the whole of my life!

As a hoarder, I can tell you that we do enjoy looking at those items, it's just that there's simply too much stuff to fit on shelves or in cabinets. This difference in perception of value is the difference between a hoarder and a non-hoarder. Just because I don't display things like you does not mean that I don't value them.

Why did this comment make me so angry? This sounds like something my mom has said to me, "you obviously don't actually care about it" OK. Pretend to understand me more, because that's shown helpful..

@@JessicaL085 I am speaking from my personal experience, besides being a hoarder, my ex husband was very emotionally and physically abusive. I used to look at the piles of broken stuff he collected and felt like I was part of that collection. Due to his controlling behavior I didn't even get to see a dentist for 10 years. That said, I am definitely not a minding mother type. I have a lot of clutter myself, I just enjoy organizing it and taking care of it. My daughter is a teenager with a messy room on the other hand. I'm not concerned about her at all and don't give her any orders to clean because I know that beyond her mess she has normal social skills.

These are some pretty creative reasons.

I heartily agree, and recognise myself in these descriptions, especially the isolated chronically ill person who's created a comfortable nest of things who enjoys shopping for others well in advance.

@@vermilliongecko I'm sorry you find yourself in that position, particularly the chronic illness. I have a bit of that myself, and keeping things tidy is not high on my priority list. When people talk about hoarding or having many things as isolating, I think they sometimes miss that cluttering can occur because of isolation, and it isn't necessarily the cause of it, though I suppose it can make it worse. It is true that feeling rotten much of the time means that I take advantage of a "good day" and I accumulate, because you never know what you'll need when you are having the bad ones. As I've gotten older, I don't feel the need to fight myself when it comes to trying to be less cluttery. Maybe it's a matter of choosing our battles.

I like the stories you shared:)

@@zhongbertha2172 That's kind of you. : )

Be the man she needs and stop that shit.

she fills the hole of time she want to enjoy.

I am really sorry for that dude, I hope your wife and you will be ok

There's a book called "The Missing Treasures of Amy Ashton" that would make a very good movie. Hoarding, a vanished boyfriend, an unsolved mystery, a little light non-explicit romance.

@Will Swift Well, to respond to your questions in chronological order, I personally wouldn't have the money to 'order one' if I wanted to. In my case, I also collect because whatever I get for free, I don't have to purchase. Same can be said about boxes and jars, it saves you money to purchase similar items in the store. It's just that nowadays, there's such an abundance of jars and boxes that keeping everything is impossible. Not to mention, people sometimes feel like it's "such a waste" to throw away something like a thick, large cerealbox that (give or take) 40 years ago, would be used to store items in the attic. Throwing away something that people have spend so much time on, can also (for some) trigger feelings of abandonment that they have experienced in their life. If they feel like they are the only one that appreciates the item, they want to keep it and 'shield it' from the outside world where it will be crushed and thrown out, much as the world has often crushed and underappreciated their abilities and personality. (Because there is ofcourse, factually nothing wrong with a clean, empty ice-cream-box and it is pretty much the same as a plastic box you buy in the store for 3 dollars. The difference is the label and the words 'ice cream' on it. But even some labels can be removed from a jar or box, so you end up with clean, empty boxes, that are perfectly usable for a second round of use. It's just that you don't need that for everytime you purchase ice cream.) I got my motivation to throw out/donate those things, by realizing that cartboard can often be properly recycled, so that can definitely go and indeed, in emergencies, I could buy a new one. Ice-cream boxes can be donated to larger places (shelters or crafting-communities) where they can stack them with beads and craftingsupplies. My egg-cartons are being donated to a farm nearby, that takes off the labels and puts their own eggs in them, to sell. And so on. It takes some time, definitely, but I have connections with the farm-visitors and the crafting-community, so whenever I meet them, I will hand them the supplies and the boxes/cartboard will be gone again, and I'll continue collecting them, because I dó keep purchasing eggs, no matter what the box can be used for. The second question you asked, was a bit vague, in my opinion. To teach a hoarder that they can gain valuable skills....are you suggesting they just sit in their house all day and stare at their belongings? Unless the person is absolutely depressed, that is not the case. And in the case of depression, the hoarding is just a symptom and the depression is something to resolve. I'm not really familiar with that. I am someone that, throughout the day, paints, draws, writes and sings. I love German (my second favourite language, after my own language Dutch) and have a penpal in Germany that I write long letters to. Sometimes there are special occassions, and I craft a painting, statue or story for someone specifically. Like when someone is celebrating their birthday, when someone has lost a loved one (or a beloved pet) or when someone is leaving a community that I am associated with. I can indulge in crafting and spend hours creating a personal gift. I know that paying attention to the details is a valuable gift that I have and I like to use it too. The more I feel comfortable in my own skin (and realize that I am a strong individual that has the right to decide what I do and what I don't do) the more I feel motivated to show the world my skills and my art. Which brings me to your last question, which sounds like a very misguided plan. I hope you weren't planning on actually going through with that. I know a woman that has had that happen to her (an old aunt) and she never forgave the woman (her sister) that did that to her. She died a few years later, still bitter and upset about the betrayal. Her sister kept saying; 'But your house is clean now, aren't you happy?!' But she wasn't and they never spoke again after what the sister did. What I needed, to feel comfortable with letting go, was to feel like I had the last say in what was going to happen. The worst thing to me, that happened, was when someone came into my home (disrespected my boundaries and my livingroom and personal opinion) and started deciding for me. It made me feel like I wasn't there, like I didn't matter. I did not feel like I was appreciated, I felt like my items were disrespected and me as well. I had to save myself and the items from this woman, I felt, that would damage both, like I (and the items) were worthless. As soon as I felt like I was in controll, I started making changes. Nobody touches my stuff, but me. And as soon as that was clear, I felt the space to start making decisions. The problem is not with the house, the problem is in the person's mind. So the solution should be in their mind too. People have forced hoarders to clean before and they (sometimes) show a perfect result, especially in American tv-shows. What they don't show, is that a few months later, those people have started hoarding again, whether secretly or just took everything back. Let me put it this way; If someone is addicted to food, because they eat away their problems, you can throw away their candy without them knowing. And put lettuce in the refrigerator. But when they come home and want to eat away their problems, there won't be any candy and they will be extremely upset and buy (much) more candy, to deal with that feeling. And then never let you anywhere near the house again. They have to deal with the problems in their mind (whether it be war-traumas or self-esteem issues or depression or sexual assault, rape, death, divorce, and so on) and then the healing will be visible in the way they breathe, eat, sleep, work, laugh, speak and live, and the way their house and appearance looks (clean, wholesome and practical and balanced.) Also, not to shield the hoarder too much, because there can always be multiple problems, especially with heavy mental issues...but my mom once said to me; 'Dear, hoarding is not the right way to deal with your issues, you know that. And it'll have to change. But I am glad that it isn't anything more serious. It is a coping-mechanism, and it is easier to get rid of than heroin, selfharm, alcohol or similar coping-mechanisms that people with mental problems use.'

Thank you for sharing your experience. I unknowingly married into a hoarder family. And I have been trying to educate myself on this disorder because I want my wife to get help. She will get rid of a few things here and there with the proper prompting. But only after a very long struggle, and only if someone is there to encourage her to part with it/talk her through it. So the process of a clear-out (which we are currently undertaking) takes ages. Also she needs to be properly motivated but in the end make the decision herself. She is VERY strong-willed. So sometimes even if I deem it junk (like old holiday decorations) she will still keep it. Prior to marriage the house was a little cluttered but still within the standards of normal. However shortly after getting married my MIL passed away leaving behind her massive hoard. My partner and one of her siblings brought a large portion of the hoard into the home. They DID go through the hoard together and I think maybe all of 2 boxes were discarded (I haven’t counted the boxes but I would estimate maybe 50 boxes altogether.) After asking them recently to go through it I was told they already did and that all of this fell into the “keep” category. Unfortunately it doesn’t end there. DVDs, CDs, glassware, holiday decorations both DIY and store-bought, clothes, old schoolwork, knick-knacks, figurines, ceramics, and snow globes of all sorts are hoarded. And children’s toys (we don’t have kids). Once I tried to give the toys away to actual kids and she was VERY uncomfortable. I was like they are meant to be played with! By kids! And no they weren’t toys from her childhood. They were toys given to her as stocking stuffers at Easter and Xmas.

@@beautyintheskies Ah, I can imagine that's a very difficult process. Are you the only one going through the items with her or is thre a professional that can be brought in? I can imagine it can put an extra strain on the marriage when you 'are the one' that is helping her with these things. I can imagine that it helps when she searches through the items with a woman that helps her and then you can chime in and figure out a new good cause when they call you in, or something. Especially for 'heavy cases' it's always nice to have a professional nearby, also to lighten the load on your shoulders a bit. I had a boyfriend back in the day that needed therapy and would ask me for advice, but I was not objective/impartial to the situation and would have trouble giving advice about people/situations that I was personally involved in. I told him to get therapy with a therapist and discuss things with me afterwards, without asking proper advice, but to share and vent a little bit here and there. He didn't end up taking the advice, but I did notice that in the end, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't have done it on my own and the more I tried to help, the more 'unsafe' it felt for him. (Although that might ofcourse not be the case for your wife.)

I’m so sorry to hear about the experience you had with the first “helper”🙁 I can totally relate to the pain and panic that overwhelmed you when she was throwing away everything… I a similar experience when my partner wanted to get rid of my hobby items (fabric/knits/etc) - I felt violated, robbed of my precious things, it was terrible…

So pleased you got the kind of help you needed and perservered to find it after that first very bad experience. Well done you!

Of?

What your mum did was a violation. I'm sorry she did that to you.

I had the clutter response as a result of being married to a narcissist.

Get therapy

I am so sorry your Mum did that to you. I understand why she did it, but it was done with a total non-understanding of your needs. It was very harsh. I hope you will reach out for help to someone who understands your pain. You will be in my prayers.

Choose to get rid of just 3 items a day. Start with easy stuff to decide on - your total decision on what they will be to go. Before throwing them away - thank them, but tell these items that you don’t want them taking up your physical and mental space anymore. After a year or two, your home will be thinned out, and you will have done it all by yourself. You will be proud of the result, and there will be no shame. Get rid of the things that bring you shame, that don’t spark joy. You are obviously a very aware and feeling person. Believe that you can do this, and you will. Don’t believe, and nothing will change.

I understand how you feel. It's layers of things in the mind.

I’ve got a lot of stuff in my house, but I’ve found that getting rid of something every day (maybe 5 minutes going through a small area) is helping. I started a week or two ago and although it could take a long time it feels like I’m finally getting somewhere, after years of telling myself to have ‘one big declutter’. Good luck ❤️

Family are the worst at helping you sort through things because they're too emotionally involved. Professional cleaners just want to get the job done and don't care how you feel. Only a psychologist who specialises in hoarding can really help.

@@hannahc2836 I honestly believe that if a friend that knew me closely would try to help, this would be drastically less of an issue. I know it's tough to believe bc you don't know my exact situation but as someone that 100% would love therapy, I know things would be so much easier if a friend offered to help AT LEAST. For me, not for everyone is in a similar sitch ofc.

Friends are only human too... They are not our Saviors, they too can become overwhelmed, or get ill from too much demand.

I was the same way with clothes, shoes, and makeup years ago but thankfully I had a big house! Or maybe not so thankfully as it obscured reality and made me think I didn’t have a lot. I started donating, tossing, and selling...still doing it and it feels great. Maybe you can start small and start asking yourself what you really need and what you can do without? Good luck!

Exactly! They, literally, bury their family members in garbage - and if you're a child there is nothing you can do about it !

I moved back in with family. I've been trying to get 4 pieces of furniture that take up over a third of my room out. It's been almost a year and still there... I wanted to move into the room next to mine. It was supposed to be cleaned 4 months ago. It has more of the hoard in it now. They're out of town for 3 weeks. I'm organizing and reboxing and stacking everything in the basement. Not throwing even trash or moldy clothes and papers away.

Seriously, it might be time to move out. The hoarder might realise the seriousness of their problem when they see people moving out. Don’t ever think that the hoarder doesn’t care or that they can just hinge. It is a psychiatric illness and professional care is necessary.

​@@kerryhitzke4490I spent 157 hours cleaning the back room in the basement been 3 weeks and she still hasn't realized it was cleaned up. My grandfather noticed and hasn't told her either but thanked me for the help.

Sounds more like agoraphobia, fear of open spaces. Not necessarily though, I also find comfort in a messy environment where I feel a bit more "cosy" but I don't have agoraphobia.

I feel more comfortable with a little mess in the house, can easily find stuff in that situation than in a super organized and clean house. It's like having a brand new mobile phone and the only time i feel comfortable using it is when it fell to the floor at least once or twice. My dad is the opposite and whatever is not in place he will throw away regardless it is new, important or not because usually we don't really notice it's gone and he doesnt like to many stuff in the house.

I seen the shows and hoarding can get pretty bad in ways. if no real space to just walk around anything and gotta crawl over stuff to get to any room, then its a problem with safety and all. seen variety and there is hoarding and extreme hoarding to where u cant even open doors any sometimes or hard time doing so.

You should keep a sensible space around yourself, do you like walking a set path for one person to fit in at a time? What good is your stuff doing for you in your everyday life?

Hi I hope that you are doing better now, so sorry to hear about the loss of your loved one. Bless you!

What kind of papers? News?

ugh, I know that feeling in regards to being embarrassed to have visitors come home. Now my mother has managed to get things for free and trade stuff with neighbors, so there's really weird/useless things at her place. The worst part is trying to convince her to donate or toss useless/broken things. Thanks to Covid my mother has a closet full of canned food and rice/beans of free food she keeps getting form food shelves. Sadly because she keeps it organized it's not a problem in her mind.

@@tuffguydoe7937 Having an organised backup pantry is not hording, it's preparing. Those foods will likely keep for quite a long time and provide insurance against shortages and inflation. That's okay. It's sensible even.

IMO it can be similar to an addiction where everything and everyone is secondary to the addiction/way of life. It can so easily push away love and caring relationships. I recommend reevaluating if you want to continue to live with this person as it won't get any better if he/she doesn't have any insight about the problem. Sometimes losing a relationship is a wake up call but not always. Life is too short regardless if your 20, 40 or 60.

Would it help to realize you are entitled to your own life? ❤

I bring stuff that someone else can use to the salvation army. It helps a great deal to know you are actually helping another person who might need the clothes or items.

It's not a question of too little space. If you have too much stuff for the space you have, you're hoarding. If you live in a small space, you need to have less stuff.

Curing cerebral palsy is challenging. Keeping your home clean is work.

@@DD-d6d3 that isn't true.

@@DD-d6d3 Rubbish. If you had to move from a three bedroom house to a one bedroom apartment with all your belongings, you develop a hoarding disorder overnight?

For a person to be considered to have a hoarding disorder, one of the criteria is that they cannot use rooms for their intended purpose, eg. they cannot sleep in the bedroom, sit in the sitting room, bathe or shower in the bathroom, or cook in the kitchen. It sounds like your friend's kitchen is on the brink of being 'hoarded'.

There is often an underlying personality disorder that totally blocks the person from even having insight/awareness to the disruption and suffering, and is sometimes an auxillary aspect of the abuse that many personality-disordred people are capable of. For these people insight takes years and years of intensive therapy, and even to that point they don't have the skills to deal with the material reality of their disease

So sad to hear that.

Sounds like he needs to mind his own business.

Storing clutter away to a storage unit……it is still there cluttering. Just in a different spot. My sister had 3 storage units at one time. She spent so much money, time going to them, and looking for and moving stuff around. Now she owns another apartment in her building, and has moved everything there. She presents well upstairs in a clean sparse apartment, but downstairs is wall to wall, floor to ceiling full with little goat paths everywhere. Double life.

@@beeARTcanada In some ways it is different for everyone. Keep fighting it! Inch by Inch it's a Cinch Keep the circulation going. Keep moving about.

I like “Keep the circulation going”. YES, keep fighting it.@@dandavatsdasa8345

I'd say poverty is a risk factor. I was homeless and now I'm homed in a dump where I'm hoarding, because I don't have anything else in my life of value.

At some point, an item that’s been hoarded for year looses its monetary value, or it becomes clear that the investment will never be returned regardless of what you do with it. Eventually a healthy person realizes that their own health and their space is more important than an old item that they can’t find a buyer for.

@@sabinegray1450 it’s the plans had for the item. We don’t acquire shit we haven’t once been a person to make use of. And we stop acquiring shit we aren’t looking forward to making use of. I can see the anticipation also being fear-based. For instance hoarding food says you’ve been hungry before. And it’s not that it’s going to become edible it’s reluctance guilt difficulty throwing food away which I think also maybe in part sometimes comes from having looked forward to preparing and enjoying whatever food it was. Whatever setback causes the loss of concentration or motivation or enjoyment or ability to use the collected material has been underestimated or continues to be inflicted but it’s not accepted and processed though. The acquisitions are thought/wished to be eminently useful.

​@@sabinegray1450 Not true for books.

I need my things to share my memories with. Nobody else left.

Tonya Moony I hope you’re doing okay

Omg I feel so bad for you. Hopefully his accumulation has shrunk due to your efforts :(

Time to cut your losses!

My mother is a hoarder. I wish my father would divorce her, but he avoida it. She likely also has personality disorders. She has been to therapy but only chooses clinicians who enable her and don't push against her absent insight. As a young adult I am realizing the level of physical suffering I went through because of the dust mites, moving through spaces for basic things like laundry. I have been working in secret but also have very hard boundaries about not complying with her requests to stop when she sees the decluttering. I will not have a relationship with this woman unless/until she goes through PROPER treatment, which is very unlikely despite our clinical opportunities in our area and good insurance, because she needs to make the choice. I am slowly removing objects I value from my childhood that are deep in piles, and leaving, no turning back. It's so painful but it's the healthiest thing I can do.

What happened?

My mom had a whole temper tantrum when i cleaned up our living room once. I didnt throw anything away just re organized things and made it more neater. Never again will i even attempt to help her. And yup her hoarding as gotten worse and unattainable now. She finds every excuse to not clean up

I don’t think you need to tell her that you’ve been inside her home. She will likely feel ashamed being found out and also stop trusting you. Plus you were technically trespassing so who knows the ramifications of that. “The cat led me into the house” will not fly with the police. Maybe you can ask if you can go into her house just to feel her out first? Befriend and listen to her?

You say your neighbor is normally not home? Where does she go if she's not home?

Sounds like you did a lot of exploring in there? What was it the cat wanted?

I was the same but finally donated, sold, and trashed. It feels great to purge everything you don’t use. Wish I had done it earlier.

The resale value is better for a non profit organization if you never post it online so just donate it. It feels good not looking at things that haven't been sold due to laziness for not being posted or no customers.

I had a 'to sell' pile of clothes for a long time. In the end I realised it was way too much work for the level of reward so I donated them, which is much simpler and quicker.

I have the same problem. Ive resorted to rent a storage unit to store totes of clothing I like, but don't even wear. My room was already cluttered and I'm removing things and going through my stuff and throwing useless crap away.

Me too I can walk through the rooms but it gets on my own nerves. Very messy.

Hoarding is like living a homeless life in your own home.

​@@danielschannel701 I was homeless before I started hoarding.

It’s their learning and self discovery journey. Like you can’t force anyone to love you, you can’t force them to address their hoard if they don’t want to. Forcing them will only make their habit grow exponentially. Live your life, and accept them for who they are. Only intervene if it looks like they are in danger of hurting themselves, then you can get government services to intervene.

My gf does the same thing at me anytime I try to help her organize or get rid of things. I’m worried, I didn’t realize it was such a big deal to her.

if you need to question, the then you are.

Take pictures in every room, and compare them to pictures on hoarding help sites where they rate the degree of hoards from 1 to 10. Hoarders cannot see the clutter, but in pictures for some reason they can. You will see where you stand.

Have people in your social group who understand and tolerate the house come and meet your wife.

call CPS and save the innocent child!

@@judymiller5154 They have been called - and by more than one person. DCF has visited the home more than once. The agency/social worker did NOTHING

Liza Butcher Call child protective services and report the issue to the local government in charge of public health issues etc.

Yes, call CPS to be safe. Follow up with them if you need to. If you need to get the local government involved to investigate, please do so! Good luck!

I would also see if there's a way you can be a sort of support for your neighbor, even if only an hour. Hoarding is often at least somewhat affected by depression and anxiety. As she's a new mom there may be some post partum going on in addition to any hoarding issues. I do also concur with the people here who suggested DCFS/CPS. Do not clean the house for them, as it doesn't help them to make a cleaning schedule.

AL Smith shut up the authorities need to know. Hoarders usually have a disgusting home a baby is not safe like that. Smh

Patricia 22929 Roman 😂😂

You're not a horder, you just don't have a separate space for your stock.

You can start, with no need for therapist or other supports, by documenting the hoard. Simple pictures of the rooms, north, west, south, east. writing down/journaling what rooms are hardest to move around. Draw yourself a map of the rooms of the house and make a list or drawing of the various piles (can be as simple as "paper/trash bag/electronics on south+east walls of office space") and make a hierarchy of which spaces you want to move more freely in. None of this involves getting rid of the stuff. Hope this helps, let me know if you read/comprehended this.

You know there are service that will come and declutter your apartment as long as you are open to getting help it’s possible. Just suggested that to my son but they are not open to it and that’s a problem. Can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

@@JCX-9 I know I can get stuff taken out of my house. I even purchased a dumpster when selling my one family many years ago. I am an emotional shopper. How much I purchase depends upon how I am feeling. My daughter just came and took a ton of stuff out of my kitchen and told me I better not buy anything. Oh well, I have 5 bags I must empty before she comes back…😬🤷🏽‍♀️

Almost any place has a hoarder or can always look for help with videos people post online anytime.

It's a form of hoarding called Squalor

Wow

Faith, Thank you for comments regarding hoarding.

Carol Baco lol same

Same

She seems like an adult who is around 50 years of age, but has clothing and hair that seems 40 years younger!

Hoarding when it's extreme can be a safety and fire hazard as well as having rodent facal matter too.

Not a lot of things have more use than money. If they don't spend it, their heirs will. Or it will go to some charitable trust.

They don’t trip over it, it’s not a problem to function in one’s own home. But then I’m guessing that you’re kidding, right? Otherwise that wouldn’t be a very smart question.

That money's not just locked in a vault! It's in banks being lent out to people and in stocks funding companies' expansions.

Does the average person see all that wealth and think wow that's worthless? Also that billions and million can be used by their families for generations... This take on the subject is probably the worst take on the planet.... 💯