me realizing I'm autistic not sigma giga Chad Patrick bateman Ryan gosling

I'm masking so much that nobody believes I'm autistic

This is from an outsider's perspective. It does not speak to the actual experience of autistic people. And criteria like these are precisely why women and girls go undiagnosed, because they are high maskers and better at the social aspects. That doesn't make their autism "milder"; it makes their lives more exhausting for having to mask all the time. Autism is MUCH more than this.

And this is why so many people go undiagnosed 🤦🏻‍♀️

Keeping a conversation that interests my peers is where i struggle.

This is the issue with the current diagnostic system: I went my entire childhood (somehow) without being diagnosed and even today in a business setting I am commonly told that I don’t come across as autistic. This is because I’m too damn good at masking and, unfortunately, the diagnostic system commonly fails those autistic individuals who are very good at masking, often viewing them as neurotypical.

One thing that I’ve learned through working with people with autism, is that they prefer to be alone. And whenever I think I’m helping by encouraging them to be in a group! It’s actually causing more stress and anxiety to them!

Remember, this is neurotypicals seeing autistic behaviors. Autistic friends tend to get together and understand each other easily.

Okay. I hate that he says "have to have all three". These are SIGNS, not CRITERIA. Autism so much more complicated than this, and most certainly not everyone struggles or lacks these abilities like he suggests. Personally, (have been diagnosed), facial expressions and tone of voice are actually things I do really well, though I do popbably exagerate them too much to make them easier for myself to understand. If you really had to have a criteria, sensory stuff would probably be a better indicator, but still, its just an indicator.

True for me, but I also have ADHD and I think this combo gives me a very keen eye on reading people, I absorb their energy.

I was diagnosed with autism when I was 31 because sadly the studies had done a bit done on men, and I’m now currently getting diagnosed with the ADHD as well as again. Apparently only men can have autism and ADHD until recently. Thank you so much Doctors of the past for screwing up my childhood, when I could’ve got the tools that I needed to fit into society and to also maximise what my strengths are.

I don't think I'm the one with the communication issue. I say exactly what I mean. It is not my fault that your brain scrambles the meaning of my words because it misinterprets my failure to emote as dishonesty. Wouldn't it make more sense to stop falling for fakeable indicators of honesty. We aren't all the same, maybe forcing us to pretend to understand the ever-changing rules of your pointless game isn't what's best for society. Maybe what's best for society is someone making your thought leaders justify their hatred of your neighbour.

True keeping friendships going, currently in summer I am thinking if I could call my friend or not because we are getting farther and farther away. I can’t really make friends unless if people come up to me or act like me. I have been diagnosed with autism and I can say this is literally all true

I remember in the 80's writing out conversational talking points before I'd call someone on the phone. Including segways into humor all in order to just prevent that blank silent space from happening on the phone. Now I have zero care or concern what non aut's think about me good or bad. I exist in peace and equanimity in all relative space and time no matter what ❤

Not me giving mixed signals to allistics through my expression, tone, and word combination and then my mom accusing me of being manipulative, deceitful, and abusive 💀

I tick off all three boxes. But I have worked really hard at learning to adapt. I’m now really good at picking up body language and tones. Most everything else is really hard for me. But I am impressive with adapting as far as communication is concerned, verbal and non. Plus my son is non verbal, so there is a lot of practice with him.

Tell me you're an allistic person without telling me you're allistic.

Could masking affect not doing these things?

My most recent lover turning friend is on the spectrum and he has been the most loyal friend who has shown up for me through the back to back unexpected loss of two cats. I couldn't ask for someone more present. He may not be around me as much as my needy extroverted self needs, but he calls and checks in or texts and knows I like being held when I'm going through death and offers to come over and hold me through the night even as we phase out from lovers to friends. He is consistent with what he says he will do and doesn't forget to check in when these deaths happened and has cried along with me. I've learned so much just watching how much he has shown up for me when I am going through this unexpected loss and I want to always be that kind of friend to him as well.

This is my life

Thank you I was kind of interested in see if I was autistic...but I am very extrovert and have literally none of the issues described here. Maybe I am just an asshole 😂

I relate to all of these edit: im autistic.

I had a late diagnosis at the ripe old age of 68…yay. Made sense of my entire life and now it’s my badge of honour. I live my life authenticity now and I’ve never been happier. The truth shall set you free… wahooo 🎉

Just to clear this up, you do not “have to have all 3” my brother who was diagnosed with higher functioning autism after 4 years of waiting is actually really good with facial expressions and tones of voices. And although he’s not brilliant and finding friends he can be good at keeping those who are good to him. He is very good at masking it. And I have been waiting years of my life to be tested being told that it’s harder to find in women so I should just give up and not get tested. I always struggle to stay focused in social situations and to be honest, my facial expressions may not always be good, but for me the struggle is finding something that I like that others are actually interested in listening to. I’ve always not been social at all which resulted in the people i know and made friends with usually being because of my one close friend introducing me to others. But that’s just my experience I guess.

I hope one day the most updated information on autism will be more known by the Drs talking about it. Being measured by actions is a very poor indicator for whether someone has autism or not. For high functioning people, ask questions that tell you the processes of that persons mind. Im very good at social performance but its not through the same path as a neurotypical person. I purposely studied communication characteristics and memorized them. Obsession with a topic, retaining facts, pattern recognition. All autistic reasons I was able to reach a good enough communication ability rather than the neurotypical way of simply absorbing tactics used in their environment as a survival instinct. The brains of autistics work fundamentally differently from neurotypicals and though one of the main impacts is always going to be on social interaction, it isnt entirely uncommon for our ability to communicate to appear to not differ enough at first glace to warrant a deeper look. But if anyone had the sense to look deeper given the scientific fact that autism is an internal difference not an external one then they would find that something presenting as "normal" is a result of a completely not "normal" process attempting to mimic neurotypical behavoir and will never be quite the same. I can distract people from seeing how strange I am with information, over performing body language, facial expressions, understanding banter and jokes, but if I let go of consiously doing those things I instantly fall short of appearing normal. In fact if I am in an environment not conducive to intensly entertaining someone ie drs office, bank, meeting, it is clear that I am odd and I dont know how to fix it without all my entertainment distractions. But the ways that Im odd dont include not being able to read people or keep eye contact. Its something else that obviously I dont know otherwise Id fix it lol.

So a lot of us probably act awkward and aren’t actually autistic

I can do all these things by learning patterns and watching how people interact. The issue is when it goes off script or when I begin to feel comfortable around people. Inevitably, the mask slips, and I make terrible social blunders. I never know exactly what they are, but I can tell they have happened. No matter how hard I try, I struggle to understand why it is wrong on my own. Usually, people won't be honest and tell me. Or even more frequently, they will lie and say it was nothing... only to later find out it was EVERYTHING. It makes me so sad, because I really care about people. I try so hard to be conscientious, but I feel like neurotypical people are so quick to assign nefarious intentions to me. I give people the benefit of the doubt all the time. I never get offended or get angry or accuse anyone of intentions that I have no idea about yet I don't get that in return. Also, most of the reasons they say they are upset are confusing and seem to be emotional rather than based on facts. It feels like everyone knows this secret language, and I am doing my best to translate it, but no one will take the time to explain the context. :( It's so exhausting.

Wow… 😢 this.. kind of hurts because that does sound like me…

I’ve been diagnosed with autism by a doctor but I don’t have any of the following, maybe I’m just a weird ass guy 💀

Sounds like me but I’ve always told people I’m an introvert.

Inaccurate.

You said 1 but you did not say 2 or 3? That made it confusing. Which one is two which one is 3?

I wish someone would tell me these friendship rules. Like, they act like they want to be friends then when I ask if they want to meet and eat or have a drink they act shocked. Like, you were giving me the lets be friends vibe by telling me we should go out sometimes then act shocked when I ask when.......

Me: relates to a few videos. *2 months and probably 450 cumulative hours of very nuanced research later* I need to see a doctor

There has been at least one study done (that I know of) affirming that there is more difficulty in communication between allistic-autistic groups, while autistic-autistic groups communicate similarly effectively as allistic-allistic groups

if you are a high masking individual (esp if you’re AFAB) you may experience these symptoms (and other signs of autism) on a more internalized level and may not even realize you’re masking. you may find yourself completely drained and burned out from simple small talk at work or regular conversations bc navigating those social interactions while trying to mask and follow proper social cues can be very exhausting and you may not even realize that you’ve been masking these issues for years. obviously anyone who thinks they may be struggling with these issues should consult with a professional, but if you watched this video and felt yourself despairing bc you don’t outwardly exhibit major signs of autism but feel that you struggle internally (or struggled A LOT when you were younger before you learned how to mask better) don’t lose all hope, you may just be a high masking individual w autism (speaking as a female who was recently diagnosed w autism in her 20s)

I have autism and yes some of the points he said are common the way they are explained makes autistic people sound completely different from how they act

I have been diagnosed with autism and I don't generally have any issues with communication. It's rare that I don't pick up on social cues or find difficulty in approaching people. To me, autism isn't cut and dried in this way or clearly I wouldn't have been diagnosed. You talk about 3 areas of focus and mention communication and friendships. What is the third?

I struggle having back and forth conversation when I don’t know too much about the topic

My boyfriend is on the spectrum, and he's the most amazing man I've ever met ❤️

Thank god I'm not autistic. Now, time to play with my toy cars. (Edit: This is just an ironic joke. I'm not actually autistic ;). )

i cant believe i got adhd autism and proly schizoprhenia

Don’t forget we can learn social stuff though! Some of us understand social psychological phenomena a lot better than normal people as well.

I have to add that often we care about deeper topics than your average person (or getting more in depth) so we find allistics boring and they find us boring. But, they are the majority so we are perceived as the weird and less than minority. Living on this planet as an Autist can be quite disabling too

From what I'm learning on YT, this information seems to be very outdated, especially for females. What are the other 2 things? Also, you only explained the first of your three things. This explains the external type, not necessarily the internal type.

The reason you avoid eye contact is not see body language you can't deal with. People are fake but don't want you to see it. They want you to take a hint but don't think bad of them. I am telling something. The other person is bored. I stop talking. The other person immediately asks, why did you stop talking? Or continue their monologue because it's okay for them to hoard all the attention. In friendship or even family you can walk away. But what do you do when your doctor or therapist looks bored out of their mind? Get another doctor you say. Really? You think your medical file is for you? Your medical file is their CYA.

I’m autistic and I’m actually very expressive. Also, over the years of masking and observing how other people interact and socialize, I understand people’s gestures and tones pretty well.

These are all true for me. I grew up with good parents, under good circumstances so i never really understood where my problem with social things comes from. It's the number one thing that creates problems for me. I'm not diagnosed but it crosses my mind that i have autism and at this point, i wish i had a diagnosis of autism because nothing else could explain why tf i struggle so much with "simple" things like that

I have none of those but I still panic..

as someone with autism, you're not correct Dr scott. I am a registered behavioral technician and an adult diagnosed clinically with aspergers when I was 11. I have since learned to mimic body language, hand gestures and tone (though its hit or miss and may appear awkward most of the time) I also have studied facial expressions and some sarcastic scripts and otherwise have been able to understand body language and facial expressions via logically and objectively looking for the requirements in their face rather than subjectively feeling it like neurotypical people do. I initiate conversation and enjoy talking. I have no issue with back and forth. Some of us have autism but have learned scripting and masking to be covert hence its not possible to always just look at someone and know if they have autism as an adult.

My parents were sure I had autism growing up, now that I'm an adult I too believe I'm on the spectrum... We were never able to afford an assessment. I'm hoping in the near future I can take an evaluation to finally know more about this part of me

"Dont self diagnose" "Dont self diagnose" "Dont self diagnose"

Hello! I was diagnosed as autistic at a young age but I barely have any symptoms. I’m not monotone, I’m very expressive, chatty, not super sensitive to loud sounds, I understand social cues, I can make eye contact, I’m funny, and I’m very empathetic. Also I do NOT mask autism symptoms. Was I misdiagnosed? I need a second opinion?

I use hand movement when trying to explain something in a conversation.

I am high functioning. After I turned 18 or so I started understanding a lot more about facial expressions and tones of voice. People have a hard time understanding my voice expressions tho. I’m always labeled as being sarcastic when really I’m being serious. I still have trouble talking fluent but that will probably last my lifetime.

Also they are incredibly gifted people having autism is learning with a difference

My face is very blank the majority of the time. I never knew it mattered so much

Losing people u thought where friends with no given explanation- but probably cos they thought you where rude because you didn’t understand all the social rules. Good that there’s lots of us autistic folk who can befriend each other and understand we’re not like them. Some may have learned pretty well to mask and fit in.. but we still miss stuff or over express social things. My dad taught me eye contact and greetings and hand shaking - then I went out and started like a crazy person and said hello how are you really over expressed and shook their hand like a man (cos my dad was a man and taught me his way) and I’d say that I was fantastic cos my dad was always such a positive person. Ahhh so so many other autistic sign memories do I have from my childhood, teens until now 😅😂

The specific symptoms mentioned here are not only most definitely NOT universal (due to masking and other factors like the aforementioned symptoms simply not being present to begin with), but implying that someone MUST have these symptoms is incredibly outdated and, quite frankly, dangerous.

For me, it’s just the fact I don’t like predictable small talk. I get bored easily and I’m an introvert so reciprocating convo with people who small talk at some point gets old.

as an actually autistic….it sucks

“Difficulties starting friendships, keeping friendships going”… Damn, that’s a big one for me. The whole thing about autism is it causes social difficulties, so I question why people who have a lot of friends/long term friends think they might be autistic.

Speech impediment as a kid followed by low self esteem which lead to life of misery

I’ve been diagnosed with autism and I relate to all of this stuff

Isn't this just most ppl.....

Ok i realized something. I always had bad thoughts that i'm a bad person because i can't feel bad for some people even my closest people. People i love. I really feel bad when i can't understand why.

Not diagnosed but I suspect that I am autistic. I am 33 years old have always had a hard time making and keeping friends. I have always had a hard time communicating to others and understanding sentences, tone, and facial expressions from those I was or am talking to. As this is still an issue I face. Social situations make me anxious and uncomfortable. I hate being forced to make small talk and am pretty dang bad at it too. I actively avoid social situations if I can help it. I need a lot of alone time or I get stressed out easily. Am a picky eater and tend to eat very few types of foods, as I always crave the same things over and over. I get stressed in loud, excessively bright and busy places. I have pretty strict daily routines that I follow, that cause me stress and irritation if they are disrupted. I get agitated/ overwhelmed easily as well. My hair tickling my face, my clothes being too tight or the fabric texture being itchy or uncomfortable. Or being too hot or cold can also cause me to be irritated very easily that I can lash out at people... I mean the list goes one and I could go into even greater depths with many of these points and really explain them😅 but I doubt anyones going to even read this long of a comment😅.

Half of these have more to do with what we're accustomed to when dealing with neurotypicals. When you've spent your whole life being rejected by people because of the way you are, eventually you learn that trying to connect to people at all is a waste of time and energy, and a lot of us learn this lesson very early in life whether we were diagnosed by then or not.

Thank God I came across this video after a bunch of videos that made me think that autism is not real but a fancy name to people who just have a different perception of the society unlike and not inline with what's tagged "normal" or being introvert is something rebranded now. The whole spectrum thing made me think of being unique and diverse is what a human is but what the spectrum stands for autism is explained in this video and here by I can think of it as some mental strength which was somehow not unlocked and could be done later on with therapy.

Hmm. I don’t know, this is more like a list of the ways that autistics annoy neurotypicals than a deep description

I was more obvious as a child. I find many adults get better at masking. I find if I am quiet its harder, obviously, for anyone else to tell.

Me paying every attention to conversation beats like it's verbal choreography. Add calculated eye contact, or the research papers I read when I was younger about how heart to hearts with women tend to involve eye to eye convos but with men tend to involve shoulder to shoulder convos. And how I incorporated that to every friendship. My fake laugh for all the jokes I don't get. And my .exe crashes when trying to console someone. I am awkward. But I think I'm overtly friendly, with very little judgment and abundance of curiosity. So I actually like to socialize and love the idea of hanging out with friends all the time. But I can only do this every now and again because dayum is it ever so stressful and tiring. Hence why I actually make a lot of friends but rarely get to keep them.. Luckily I've been diagnosed for years now so my true friends just accept me and understand that I'm trying. They give me my space but always keep me in the loop. I am that silent friend in a group chat that comments once every few weeks.

You sure youre updated in the latest autism criteria because i heard differently.

I hate it when people say, when talking about autism, the words all, or none. It’s just a generalization, and unless people can understand that not all autistic people are the same, they will be treated even worse than normal.

You always make time to reply,and heart comments in your videos. Most people don't do that. Not on your level. You good bro.

Only one of these apply to me. I am diagnosed with autism

I think being autistic is feeling easily discomfort with social interaction, attach to routine, sensations of being different, misunderstood and somehow rejected for who you are, (including family members). Being hated by people who don’t even know you. Being told that every expression of joy, pain or sadness is an overreaction. Masking everywhere you go, acting different depends people and environments.. you can’t change the result.. and move fast before rejection and blame go over yourself. Changing jobs every time in a while..

I can understand a person better when they are explaining something to me much better when im not looking at them...its like i can hear them more clearly and visually see what they are trying to say in my mind. It just makes more since when i stare off into space when people talk to me...

The problem with social communication is I spent 30 years observing how other people behaved and mimicked them. I can follow the social rules, without actually understanding them just through repetition and learning from mistakes.

Ive had autism and ADHD since I was 6

I had a 10 year friendship blow up in my face because I didn't know what she wanted to hear and couldn't word my feelings correctly.

Just to add: It may not nessisarily be difficulty with social interactions; It can be a diffrent communication pattern and not eveyone whom is diagonsed with ASD struggle with social interactions while some do, as ots a spectrum. And we can understand friendahip, i get its a wording choice, but it comes off as 'All autisitc people cant understand friendship or social cues." (I cpuld be phrased like "A lot of Autisitic people have deficits in understanding certain social cues, and this can fluctuate within a person aswell). When you meet one autistic person, Youve met one autistic person. (Oh, and we do care about iniciaiting interactions, we just often are to anixois) I also wpuld like to point out that a lot of autistic pople have truma, and therefore the truma can also influence social interactions and friend ships.

I think along with not recognizing certain cues, it's more like I recognize the cues somewhat after consciously observing.. but I also notice subtle throw offs.

This online ASD diagnostic thing is getting out of hand. These symptoms encompass, like, 20-30% of the US population.

Women present differently. Listen to autistic people on signs of autism. They're much more complex.

As an autistic person, I wouldnt say its a lack of interest but rather an inability to initiate instead because most of the other autistic people I know including myself express a desire and interest in connecting and being friends with others despite having difficulties. Autistic people can also be over expressive and extroverted as well but we still struggle socially. we are a very diverse community and autism can present differently based on a ton of things. This sounds like a very stereotypical explanation of what autistism is but not in a bad way its just respenting one way it been typically known to present. Im not disagreeing im just adding information that is not talked about enough when talking about autism. this disorder is much more complicated than just having social problems. It has a looot to do with sensory overload issues as well. The fact I am overally expressive and extroverted is one of the reasons my autism was missed until adulthood. They also didnt think adhd and autism where comorbid in the 90s early 2000s, when in reality roughly 60% of us have both, and autism will also present differently when someone also has adhd.

That's the minimum? Where's my extra credit points?

I've dealt with several children with this. I just know the help is far far away here in Canada. It's just sad to see😊

Got here out of curiosity.. left questioning my autistic behavior...

My daughter has all of this and I've been trying to get her diagnosed for years, she's now 20

Nah bc i have like a mental notebook of what faces are necessary to display certain expressions so i dont confuse other ppl in conversation 💀 like i always actively make a happy face so the other person knows im happy, cause usually i dont make a whole lot of facial expressions subconsciously

I’m definitely in this club.

I have a diagnosis of autism but none of these apply to me 💀

Whats strange is that i was diagnosed with level 1 asd when i was younger. Im 18 now and have 0 traits of it, like no one can tell i have it. Im sick of being forced onto government related companies and getting a job + drivers lisence has been made much harder for me all over something that isnt even an issue for me. Basically asd has ruined my life and i have been very depressed for the last 6 months. I feel i have no purpose and any use for the world

I have autistic traits but I am not diagnosed with it.

I almost pick up on cues to much and overthink them. I th8nk that might be down to me wanting to get it right and trying my hardest to got it right.

I was diagnosed with autism and my parents don’t believe it and idk if I am or not

Dude just diagnosed me in less than a minute

My granddaughter is autistic I’ve raised her it’s hard she talks but doesn’t talk. It’s hard to make her understand. 22 at a 11to 12 year level. Imagine being that forever. She will never grow up in her mind.

I discovered today that my husband is on Spectrum. Everything matches him. And I was worried he didn't love me.