How To Tell Your Ex Your Feelings Without Scaring Them Away

Рет қаралды 20,993

3 жыл бұрын

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How To Tell Your Ex Your Feelings Without Scaring Them Away?
Do you want your ex back but you ended up scaring your ex away? In this episode, Clay Andrews shares about how to tell your ex what you are feeling without pushing them away.
Though we are only doing things for the reason that we want our ex back, so many people get so relationship-focused that they push their ex to get back together SO HARD that they come across as needy, desperate, etc. You are being vulnerable but in a bad way.
The best way to approach it is to be more patient and build on the emotional connection that you have with your ex. If you want to get back together, you can't just nag them into getting back together with you. You need to be patient and understanding when they are not yet ready to make a decision on whether or not they want to get back together.
Watch this now.
**** IMPORTANT ****
This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices.

Пікірлер: 86

@chrismcevoy2503 3 жыл бұрын

You can’t force something it just has to happen naturally and gradually.

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

100% correct. Our ex fell in love with us gradually in the beginning so it makes sense that after a breakup, getting the feeling back will happen gradually too.

@tomthumb3994 4 ай бұрын

or it wont @@ClayAndrews

@Castan97 3 жыл бұрын

THANK GOD THIS IS SO IN TIME

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome and thanks for watching our videos. :-)

@patriciawilliams2622 2 жыл бұрын

I've listened to alot of coaches over the last two years..you are thorough and really have a knowledge and natural intuition about relationships. Love you!

@tomthumb3994 4 ай бұрын

respect your ex wishes.....be honest and love them enough to let them go if thats were they are at....

@hollyphoenixfeather2 2 жыл бұрын

This is really helpful, thank you. It's great to have the difference between "outcome focused" and "connection focused" language and interactions explained like this.

@chrismcevoy2503 Жыл бұрын

Clays not so bad he really knows his stuff.

@gutsnakerodeo 4 ай бұрын

Thank you Clay. You have the most sound perspective and advice. You have helped me a great deal. I see clearly what I did wrong in my breakup, and it's helped me understand and accept why my ex and I are where we are.

@brettming9015 3 жыл бұрын

Your videos really help me out. I watch coach Lee and Kenneth too but the timing of your videos with exactly what I need to hear is impeccable

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

Great to hear! Thanks for watching our videos, Brett. :-)

@chilloften 3 жыл бұрын

Helpful info Clay, scrips. 🌹😊

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@welovee1680 3 жыл бұрын

I love all of your videos ♥️

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much. Don't forget to subscribe to our channel as well. :-)

@danielsjodin504 3 жыл бұрын

We are going out for a drink next week. I'm freaking nervous!

@preciousGpottery 3 жыл бұрын

How did it happen? Did you ask your ex to hangout? Also who is the dumper?

@Riffs88 3 жыл бұрын

Details please

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

Good luck and just be in the present moment. Enjoy your time together, Daniel. :-)

@SS-in1ts Жыл бұрын

Thank you!

@ClayAndrews Жыл бұрын

You're welcome!

@chrismcevoy2503 3 жыл бұрын

Clay Andrews knows a thing or two about a thing or two.

@neelsfer 3 жыл бұрын

Thx for nice video. Pls do a video on what to do if your ex now shares accommodation with an opposite sex "platonic" friend, and you feel uncomfortable about it, as they are very close friends, and you don't want to scare her away, as it may look like you are controlling

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

Hi CFJ, I understand that this may be uncomfortable with you but remember that you and him are not in a relationship as of this time. So whatever decisions that he may have for himself is something that you cannot have full control of. Yes, what you feel is valid but we have to practice acceptance, especially on the present status of your own relationship. :-)

@gemmahoang1162 3 жыл бұрын

Mine has settled a bit its not good idea . But I need to be alone for now n change my ways .

@Sgt.FreeZ_8787 2 жыл бұрын

Epic comment

@rebeccajohnson5658 2 жыл бұрын

Assuming won't get you no where. Accusing you is the other person is feeling guilty and is confessing to you through accusing.

@kostadrandakis5891 3 жыл бұрын

Very good timing but my situation in telling her how I feel involves expressing my feelings, or at least talking about what the issues that may cause her to feel held back from talking to me fully. She rebound/monkey branched me in a way and I'm sure she has guilt about it and is one Main reason she is holding back. And you've said to not bring up the rebound and build connection but it's tough when we can talk about the issue on why she won't open up to me more. Sorry if this was a ramble just confused on how to approach the situation in communication without scaring her and giving the rebound more attention than he needs.

@michaelvega3669 Жыл бұрын

How did it turn out working? You guys ever get back together? You bring up the issue?

@maureentummers2364 3 жыл бұрын

You are so funny!

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Maureen. :-)

@joshuacantrell832 2 жыл бұрын

I’m glad I found you! I am meeting my ex tomorrow! I always hated the no contact rule!

@d.v.k.6592 2 жыл бұрын

Update?

@salutoitoi Жыл бұрын

@joshuacantrell832 Update ?

@joshuacantrell832 Жыл бұрын

@@salutoitoi I thought it went well. But she wasn’t interested in me anymore so we both moved on. It sucked but she was done. Sometimes they just are done.

@amyjohnson5044 3 жыл бұрын

It’s taken a lot of patience and KZfaq videos and I think I’ve watched every single one of your videos, but, I have officially succeeded in getting back together with my ex. It took 2 months (well, on the 9th it will be) but everything you’ve told me, I’ve followed and it works!!! It CAN BE DONE. Love prevails ❤️

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

That's truly awesome, Amy. Congratulations to both of you. :-)

@ayajones8491 Жыл бұрын

girl you're giving me hope 🤧 hopefully it happens to me too!

@amyjohnson5044 Жыл бұрын

@@ayajones8491 We’re still going strong!!

@ayajones8491 Жыл бұрын

@@amyjohnson5044 is it ok if i ask for any tips on how you did it?

@williamdolan7189 Жыл бұрын

Your lucky I have been working on it for 5 months but won’t give up have made progress

@marthagarguilo1093 Жыл бұрын

You let them come to you

@jorbip 3 жыл бұрын

Hello clay, can you do a video about ex’s in depression and the mechanism that make them pull away peoples and things around them? My ex is going through a tough period of depression (diagnosis) and she tells me that thinking about us and all the good things we lived hurt her and she doesn’t want me to talk with her because of that. I’m in no contact since she said that to me (3 weeks ago) and even if all your advice helped me, I don’t know if I have to break no contact or not because i don’t want to hurt her. Any advice ? Or link to one of your videos? French follower

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

Hi there, when it comes to depression, that is something that we set boundaries. The person has to seek professional help.

@margotstack6303 Жыл бұрын

Where is the quiz

@LD-pb7io 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks Clay.. one question how do we approach or what can we say to start up conversations again, if we haven’t spoken in over a year ..

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

Hey there, you can start with a lighthearted conversation but make sure it is something that would pique both of your interests. We talk about that inside the Ex Solution Program under the contacting your ex lesson.

@amj338 3 жыл бұрын

I love your no games and positive approach Clay! I went no contact (at her request) after the breakup for 7 weeks. When I finally was feeling not desperate or attached to the outcome I texted her a simple "hope you're doing well". She responded with tons of bitterness and threatening a restraining order 😬 Thankfully I've been watching your videos and I stayed calm and responded with a simple "I'm not trying to play games. I just don't want to be enemies. Take care". Thanks for your awesome tips

@Riffs88 3 жыл бұрын

wow :o she ended things? or you?

@amj338 3 жыл бұрын

@@Riffs88 she ended it. It wasn't even a bad breakup... I begged and pleaded for like 2 weeks after, but never got weird about it. I don't understand why she's so bitter over 2 months later now, but I'm just working on myself now

@Riffs88 3 жыл бұрын

@@amj338 damn that is scary a restraining order?! Why did she end it ?

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

Hi AMJ, I'm sorry to hear that you are faced with such reactance. It sounds like there's so much negative energies between you and her that needs to settle down. How do you feel about applying Active No Contact the soonest? In that way, you give the the needed time to sort her own emotions out.

@Riffs88 3 жыл бұрын

@@ClayAndrews for active no contact. I tried it 2 weeks back was able to get a date with the ex. We had fun but then she brought up the relationship and why it can't work and why we can be friends for now. Which I agreed to. We were going to meet again the following week but after we had text interaction she cancelled that same day we were going to meet and said she never wants to meet again. :/. So now I am in NC 14 days

@therealyou5824 3 жыл бұрын

My ex has deep seeded emotional issues. I have been doing all this work, for nothing, because he's still messed in the head. These videos don't talk enough about who to just STAY AWAY FROM lol. Anyway, I'm still going to enjoy these videos even though I've moved on from my ex.

@chonkybenetgods 3 жыл бұрын

Oh I've noticed your comments from his previous videos. I hope you're doing great despite your problem.

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

Hi Mia, Unfortunately we don't tell people to stay away from this type of person or whatsoever. But what we teach is for people to raise their own awareness to discern if they are in a healthy relationship or not. We respect each person's free will to choose. We cannot dictate someone whom to be with or to stay away from.

@couldstrife1 9 ай бұрын

So is it a good idea after three months and meeting up twice previously to text asking if they want to grab a coffee?

@chrismcevoy2503 Жыл бұрын

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours feelings I mean.

@Wendy-gz7gu 2 жыл бұрын

I wish I would’ve heard this 2 months ago. He & I hung out for the 1st time in 3 yrs. Went fantastic. Very easy. I ended up telling him 2 days later than I really enjoyed our time & I felt much more calm. I expressed how I still had feelings for him & asked if I could see him again. No response. Do you have video I could watch that would help me? Thx!!

@ClayAndrews 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Wendy, it sounds like a positive pull back to us. At times, when things goes well, it brings out so much emotions, both positive and negative. Do allow your ex to process his emotions. You might want to check our Connect and Commit program as it may help you on your journey.

@Wendy-gz7gu 2 жыл бұрын

@@ClayAndrews Thank you Clay. I hoped that may be the case but since 2 months went by with no word, I figured it was too long to process. I could definitely be wrong. He did open up to me that he was in the process of ending a relationship. Again, it was a healthy convo. I’ve let him be since I expressed my feelings. Does it take months to process for a man? I will also look at the details of the program you spoke of.

@Wendy-gz7gu 2 жыл бұрын

@@ClayAndrews Hi Clay. Just coming back to let you know I invested in the Connect and Commit program. I never heard back from him after I expressed by feelings 3 months ago. It was our 1st meet up after 3 yrs. Eeekkk! I haven’t reached out either since.

@jjjzsquad6751 3 жыл бұрын

Every single video I watch from u, u have to mention what other coaches saying. I clicked on this video and I said to myself, "if he only mention anything about what other people is saying out there 🙏 2:00 here we go

@chrismcevoy2503 Жыл бұрын

I wish my ex-girlfriend Tracci Ludwick would tell me how she really feels about me because she might be surprised when I reciprocate her feelings.

@williamdolan7189 Жыл бұрын

My ex went from I have a small chance to zero chance,so then said let’s be friends and start from scratch and she also asked for space. This all happened 4 months after breaking up now it been 7 months?

@trevorgold98 3 жыл бұрын

I sent her a long bday text last week and she was happy to hear from me and said she always thinks about me too and I’m an amazing person etc. she asked me about what’s going on w me and we exchanged a few texts back and forth. She said it was great catching up and to hit her up if I ever need anything. Thoughts on this?

@keshashaw7282 3 жыл бұрын

Be straight up., ask her out!! Woman want to be pursed.

@trevorgold98 3 жыл бұрын

Long story but that really isn’t an option right now. She told me when she broke up w me that we would get back together one day but I think she was just letting me down easy. I know she still cares but I don’t think she has feelings for me. So pursuing her rn would put me back at square one

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

That's great to hear. Remember that it will be a process that you and your ex has to go through. Things won't happen in an instant. You both have to rebuild each others confidence back towards each other and the relationship.

@trevorgold98 3 жыл бұрын

@@ClayAndrews thanks clay appreciate the feedback. It’s been almost 2 years since we broke up but we spoke for a year after the breakup and could tell there were some lingering feelings, but I had to cut it off so I could heal. It’s been almost a year since then. Its really hard to let go, but I’m putting it in the hands of fate now because I fought as hard as I could

@SimpilyNai 3 жыл бұрын

I have a question why does he act nice and caring and also be angry with me is he giving me mixed signals?

@jeezustheone 3 жыл бұрын

Because he's confused about his own feelings. He's also afraid of being rejected.

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

It's a typical character of a person who is at the Riding the Dragon phase. You may want to check our videos on the 5 stages of getting back together >> kzfaq.info/sun/PLBHfQVp_OsaWyaUvEIvKgJNCj6VbVeDia

@robertmorgan2642 Жыл бұрын

Me and my esprit 7 y weeks ago. I was and get with her ended things by text. Takes to her about and said I didn’t mean it but she left me in 2nd Dec. We’ve met a few times since but she said she wants us to be friends as we have lots in common (both love Marvel Films). We have good talks when we meet but I want to be in a relationship with her. She’s going to Ireland with some of her family next week to celebrate her 50th Birthday (was on 28th Dec). I should have been going as well but haven’t asked if I can go because of us breaking up. When I asked her about Ireland I said are you ready for it and hoped she has a nice time. She said “Yeah. I’m sure I will 😢”. She seemed really sad. She has put an offer in for a one bed flat in Rugeley near her family since we split. We had some issues back in August and she suggested we live separately and date. As we lived together at the time I said no as it felt like a backward step. Would marry her in a heartbeat and live superstore. Would do anything to make it work. Do I have any chance here? 😢

@justintaylor6725 3 жыл бұрын

She comes and goes, shows affection and kisses me on the cheek, and leaves like she’s leaving a friends house and walks away. We have a 4yr old daughter together. I asked her why she was being so distant and said why are you being weird. We were together for 5 yrs. I have no idea how to play this. She doesn’t really reach out we don’t really talk throughout the day. This is so strange to me. Please help!! I just want my family together.

@KeithCanisius Жыл бұрын

Update?

@bennyboy122 3 жыл бұрын

I told my ex feelings during ‘riding the dragon’ after we had met for sex twice but she still didn’t want to get back together (was about 4 months after b/u) she said to let go and move on. We kept texting for a few weeks but I said some mean things last conversation then she wants no more contact and has again said to let go and move on. Is this back to stage 1 reactance wall or just over ??

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

Hey Benny, it sounds like your past interaction made an impact towards her. Will you ready to take another round of Active No Contact?

@bennyboy122 3 жыл бұрын

@@ClayAndrews in it now. Almost at 3 week mark and can see signs she has missed me ( only guessing but she is listening to a lot of sad music and break up songs which she hasn’t done since our initial breakup in September ) so going to reach out in a few days.

@ev5243 Жыл бұрын

Hi! What happened? Me and my ex were again and things were going well but after a while he said he’s Not ready for a relationship with anyone and that I should let it go and move on.. So its a relatable situation😅

@marthagarguilo1093 Жыл бұрын

I don't think what you are saying is the truth because you shouldn't never tell your ex how you feel

@TheLikeButon 3 жыл бұрын

It's been about 3 months since my ex broke up with me she she just said she wasn't ready for anything and we were together for about a year and she broke up with me two days before year anniversary and you know she said she wasn't ready for anything so then after that we didn't talk for a good month or so and we started talking again and I ran into her at the grocery store and her kids ran up and hugged me and we're excited to see me and then she gave me a hug and when she hug me I picked her up and put her back down and when I was putting her back down she went to kiss me but then changed her mind and after that she invited me over for a couple hours and we went I went and hung out with her after I went and took the groceries home when I went to her house and we hung out for three hours and we talked and hung out on the couch. I interacted with the kids and all that but during that whole time really while she was there cuz she had to use my car to go do something cuz her car was broken that's another story so but when but the whole time she was there and I was interacting with the kids and talking to her she were like doing something to help her around the house or something she was just staring at me like intently staring at me kind of made me a little nervous what are your thoughts on that

@TheLikeButon 3 жыл бұрын

Oh she still doesn't really respond to my texts she doesn't completely ignore me but she uses diversion tactics or just ignores some questions

@ClayAndrews 3 жыл бұрын

It sounds like your ex is at the test drive phase. During this phase, they may open themselves up but somewhat guard their emotions. We talk about this in-depth inside the Ex solution Program course at www.modernlove.life/esp

@cwigg7728 Жыл бұрын

She broke up w me because I wasn’t truly focused on her and her son as I should have been…lots going on in my life at the time. I let her go without begging or pleading. She got in another relationship, but within 3 months, she began reaching out to me. This has gone on for a year now. She reaches out when shes stressed because “Im the only one that gets her, and makes her feel better.” She reaches out when she has good news to share. She reminisces about our past, sends me pics of her and her son. She invited me to her house for coffee, and we laughed and chatted just like old times for 3hrs…it felt so natural and comfortable. I’ve decided to ask to meet up again to continue to rebuild our connection even further. She reaches out to me, and I know it’s because she still cares about me and is maybe a bit confused. After we’ve spent more time together, I’ll tell her how much I love her and how much her and her son mean to me, even after a year of being apart and her being in another relationship, she reaches out for a reason. Building that emotional connection again will either bring us back together…or it won’t. But I have to try. Thank you for these videos…they’ve helped me immensely.