How to work through resistance while healing the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

Рет қаралды 6,528

Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful avoidant

Күн бұрын

Resistance can feel like a (indefinite) roadbloack on the way to healing. But it doesn't have to be! Understanding resistance better will help you heal more quickly.
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WHAT IS FEARFUL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE?
• Understanding Fearful ...
HOW TO HEAL THE FEARFUL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE: • Healing Fearful Avoida...
THE ONE THING I DID TO HEAL:
• The 1 thing I did to h...
SUBSCRIBE TO THIS CHANNEL
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6 LESSER KNOWN CAUSES OF FEARFUL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE
• Fearful Avoidant Attac...
-- CONTENTS --
00:00 Intro
01:00 How does resistance feel
02:29 How to work through resistance
04:55 Judging feelings & thougths
07:02 How to work with the resistance
08:30 Allowing the feelings as well as you can
11:52 You have a choice
11.57 Ask yourself questions
17:04 Get curious: why do you hold on to it?
19:28 What lesson is there to learn?
20:20 How can you make the healed version of you safer
#fearfulavoidant #healingattachmentstyle #resistance #paulientimmer

Пікірлер: 44

@AmitRoy-mx2vu 2 жыл бұрын

Your content deserves a book tbh.

@breathingtree75 Жыл бұрын

yes!

@freedomtownn 2 жыл бұрын

I will never be able to thank you enough. I don't even understand how you can understand the depths of my soul so well. You're an inspiration, makes me feel like maybe I could become secure too one day.

@koala01111986 Ай бұрын

Same for me, the feeling of emptiness but like a solid emptiness, the tiredness

@harmanpreetgosal8371 6 ай бұрын

Thank you Paulien, I am an FA man ( realised it a day ago) and i started dating an FA girl. The first 20 days were magic but i got anxiously attached and her avoidant side got triggered....last 2 months have been awful for me because of all the anxiety. We are both aware of our attachment styles but i don't know if she will work on it.... But my journey starts today💪✌

@Lex-qu1dw 2 жыл бұрын

i literally relapsed a month into healing. and its so painful i just want it to stop. i was my happiest

@DaPoofDaPoofDaPoofDa Жыл бұрын

Becoming tired is a go- to for me, definitely I become extremely tired when I believe something is expected of me, like making love to my partner at night… I project. Even if it’s never said or never came up I will shut down to prevent it… I am resistant to feeling safe in my good, loving relationship with a partner that loves me

@andreaalbert5096 5 ай бұрын

I don't know if you are aware of how much your content is valuable to us. Thank you so much, I feel so understood and I finally have tools to work on myself instead of bringing myself down and punishing myself for feeling "too much". Thank you, I think it falls short to just say that but I feel it in my chest, I feel much less alone.

@abundantlife888 2 жыл бұрын

This is exactly what a counselor told me yesterday! Don’t judge your feelings. I tend to judge my feelings a lot.

@Waheedalabloomer 2 жыл бұрын

your words pierced through my heart, appreciate your sincerity, Paulien. Honestly feel it's an opening to my emotions release

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 2 жыл бұрын

So happy to hear Yda!

@DAClub-uf3br Ай бұрын

I have been getting around to it for years. I have not been able to get past my fear. I know what i fear. I fear the truth. I don't think I should be feeling anything but right now i am sick to my stomach because I am thinking about myself attempting to address this problem.

@dooorthvader Жыл бұрын

Paulien, thank you for all you do and for getting to the nitty gritty of the details, feelings, and thoughts of an FA. So many points hit home for me. I gained so many journaling prompts from this video that I’m excited to dig into and work through. Thank you!

@tanguy376 2 жыл бұрын

Wow Paulien. Thank you so much ! I've been practicing the letting go of control of my emotions. I simply let it flow and it seems so clear and freeing to me now ! It completely changed my game to the next level ! Thank you for being here, really

@Dreamweaver777 3 ай бұрын

OMGod thank you. I study a book along with Cosmic Consciousness. In that book it is described that all of the awakened masters experienced a huge kick up of fear prior to awakening. You are SO spot on. You use different language than spiritual psychology does, but your "technique" is a powerhouse.

@sunbeam9222 Жыл бұрын

This is very interesting and helpful as a secure to understand better the FA. I too have these feelings and thoughts just as the FA, I just know they'll pass and don't give them much meaning, power. I am less judgy of them if you will. I think my FA is more of a perfectionist and hard on themselves than I am. And no wonder when I express a not so perfect thought they get triggered, and no wonder I end up thinking what the fuss is all about, it's just a thought it's not me, lol, such confusion and misunderstanding. I assume I'm a good person with weird thoughts or emotions passing by sometimes but if they themselves identify deeply with the thought, emotion, it can feel overwhelming and very serious to them.

@fruittofruition1254 2 жыл бұрын

This was nice to listen to and be reassured, lovely video xxx

@lizdarrow1724 2 жыл бұрын

Pauline. Could you do more eft videos? I was sexually abused as a child and had very critical parents so I always felt unsafe like something bad would happen at any moment and I never knew when. So even when things are good, I’m afraid. If you could do a video on that I would very much appreciate it. Your videos are helping me so much!!! ❤️ And it’s been less than a week.

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 2 жыл бұрын

Hey Liz! I put your video request on the list, I really wish peace for you and not being 'on' all the time and trying to prevent the bad thing from happening. It's definitely a thing most FA's struggle with! I'm so happy you are here :)

@Patrick-ru2xg 2 ай бұрын

Great Video! Thank you :)

@leenaalghattas1115 Жыл бұрын

Omg you’re amazing, i can resonate alot with your content and I can’t wait to apply to your program soon❤

@breathingtree75 Жыл бұрын

Wow. Thank you. This is such a great antidote to a book I recently read: The War of Art. Which is all about dealing with the resistance in the creative process.

@Jasmine-ov6ep 2 жыл бұрын

Something I feel as struggling with this attachment style is that I feel like I’m Self sabotaging potential romantic relationships, especially when a guy shows interest.

@ajourneythroughmecca 10 ай бұрын

So valuable 🎉❤

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 10 ай бұрын

Thank you!!

@jolynn89 Жыл бұрын

It’s so tiring that I have to give up convince myself I’m unhappy disgusted and don’t love the person.

@thephantombassoonist 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Paulien! I have been plowing through and absorbing so much of your amazing healing content on your channel and I am so grateful for the work you have been doing to help me, and other FAs. I have been struggling with this for my entire life but I didn't have the answers until now- it's like I've been driving in a circle and I kept missing the exit. I was wondering if you could add a video request- setting boundaries as an FA. I know there are videos with setting boundaries but I'm sure you can offer some insight in how to build this skill, and helpful places to do it as an FA in the process of healing. Thank you!!

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 2 жыл бұрын

I'm so happy you are here then! Let's find you that exit :) I put your video request on the list, good one!

@thephantombassoonist 2 жыл бұрын

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 Thank you!!

@omniapt7100 2 жыл бұрын

I have to sit down and breathe deeply if i get hit by that wave. I was in a relationship at 26 , i was tired all the time, something was just "not right", i blamed her, thought she was somehow draining my energy, broke it off after 6 months, couldn,t take it anymore, tried dating again but same things happened so i rationalized it was just easier to be alone. Didn,t know anything about this back then, wasn,t even close to figuring it out

@Sssmokin420 9 ай бұрын

I’m crying with you, where can I cashapp or Zelle you? You’re amazing thank you for helping me

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 9 ай бұрын

Thats very kind.Thank you for being here❤

@sharelleallen Жыл бұрын

Omg that is me... I get so tired and I think this is wrong. And I completely disconnect.

@user-wu2dr7yw8b 7 ай бұрын

What if you are feeling that your partner is also judging your feelings / thoughts / etc or wanting them to be different than they are? I feel like my resistance to my own thoughts / feelings is influenced by his judgement of them too.

@kireidoll 2 жыл бұрын

I have so many things I'd like to ask you, but I have to manage not to dump all of them at once 😂 I feel like I already asked but I'm not sure: -Would you say you were suffering from an anxiety disorder back then (or even originally) or was the anxiety just about relationships? - I think I understand it as you were fearful avoidant only about romantic relationships, but you were fine with friends, strangers etc? I feel the same about all and any human relationships and it's so overwhelming. Not to be able to feel safe or close with anyone whatsoever. Lonelinessss!

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 2 жыл бұрын

I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, but at that time it really focused almost solely on my relationship! I do remember that when I wouldn't worry and obsess about my relationship (the few moments that happened), I would worry about my friends not liking me. I definitely had it too with all and any human relationships. Just a deep fear of other humans, and the feeling that they were all going to be mad at me sooner or later. Not anymore though! And it is the best feeling in the world. You are so worthy of love and connection, and most people really are safe!

@ilsem3339 Жыл бұрын

right now I'm in a crash state and I feel so much tension. I feel so much tension and fear that talking to him or being with him is to overwhelming. Its like he's coming to close.. When I think about this; I even get more fear and start to have panic. I just dont wat to lose him. I have the feeling that i am the only who has this and haven’t see this by other people who are experiencing R-OCD. Does someone has experience with this, is this a sign of R-OCD or does anyone have tips? I feel so worse :( please help me

@SONNYLCR 2 ай бұрын

As a Partner to a FA woman I can tell you, that if I hadn’t researched into it myself, then I’d be losing my mind about her behaviour. Even as securely attached this can be so confusing to us that we feel anything from nothing to being mad or disappointed at times. If you can’t open up about being FA to him then at least hint it to him somehow cuz when he’s a healthy partner he will be understanding and considerate inside his own boundaries. It is challenging for us 100% but I love my FA woman to the core and I do my best to support her and I’m definitely not confused or mad anymore when she gets triggered or shuts off for a while.

@abundantlife888 2 жыл бұрын

Did you feel physically or emotionally tired? Or both?

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 2 жыл бұрын

Definitely both!!

@carlyrieter 2 жыл бұрын

i am so curious on how you heal not allowing yourself to feel your feelings ??

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 2 жыл бұрын

A first step can be to sit with yourself and brainstorm what could happen if you allow your feelings. What are the downsides? What are the upsides to NOT allowing yourself to feel your feelings? Your fearbrain is just trying to keep you safe, by making you feel like you are not allowed to feel your feelings. If you uncover why it feels safer for your fearbrain, it is easier to start allowing yourself to feel your feelings. Does that help?

@carlyrieter 2 жыл бұрын

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 yes! thank you so much!

@user-wu2dr7yw8b 7 ай бұрын