Oh boy does this hit close to home. Gaslighting is devastating when combined with our emotional dysregulation. I've been in a couple of emotionally abusive relationships, and it still affects my confidence to this day. Sometimes I even wonder if _I'm_ emotionally abusive. Therapy has helped in some respects, but it's still a huge burden for me.

"There's a difference between understandable and acceptable."

ive always said that my ADHD makes me gullible to the point of absurdity. as it turns out ive just been gaslit my whole life so i believe everything everyone tells me, since “i must be wrong” and “why would they lie?” 😬

Doesn't help when your parent is a narcissist who always turns everything into game w/ a score board, where they're not only the opponent, but the referee, and the inventor of the game

Diaries that are very hidden and very secret help remember events parents or "friends" may try to turn around. Keep them!!! It helped me finally confront my mother.

“If it’s hurting you, it’s hurting you.” Wow I needed this today, right now actually. Thank you for teaching me the language I didn’t know I needed to understand why I left a doctors appointment crying. My psychiatrist just blocked, diverted, and trivialized my symptoms and experiences. As an ADHDer, I doubt my symptoms and experiences all the time and rely on the expertise of medical professionals to help me understand myself and what I need. But man that self-doubt only gets worse the minute a doctor gaslights you and makes it so much harder to advocate for yourself.

My ex did this all the time. It got so bad that I started recording what was said in conversations. It was very much like the movie. I literally thought I was losing my mind. I still gaslight myself as a result of years of that abuse. Having ADHD and trauma made is so much worse.

This is a really difficult topic. I think back to some incidents of gaslighting that I know were deliberate, and then there are times when I'm like, "but maybe that person was just mistaken? Or I was mistaken?" I did have an epiphany when I realised that if a relationship with another person feels confusing, exhausting, and I want someone to reassure me that it's not "just me" then I don't actually *have* to figure out if it's deliberately gaslighting or not. I can end the relationship (romantic, platonic, etc) simply because it makes me unhappy. Or I can put in boundaries to protect myself. People pleasing for survival can become a habit while you have no other choice, and be hard to break when you do. We don't have to prove to anyone else that a relationship is bad for us. We need to listen to ourselves.

Gas lightening is a classic narcissistic type of control 😔 So thankful one of my dear ADHD brains has fought back and has gotten herself and her 4 babies safe and has mostly stopped questioning herself and decisions. She’s feeling quite empowered!

I told my therapist about this wonderful channel and she LOVES IT and recommended it to other clients now! You are such a wonderful resource for so many, myself included. . Now, this episode really hits home. Lately, I have even worried that my poor memory due to my adhd has been getting worse because someone in my life keeps telling me that I say certain things and when I say “I never said that” they tell me I’m forgetting I say things because of my adhd. It’s been scaring me a lot lately and I don’t know who to believe-me or the other person.

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but: It isn’t “not a big deal”, it IS a big deal for you. You wouldn’t feel that way if it didn’t matter to you. Don’t let someone tell you that you’re “too sensitive”, you’re feelings are valid, and never feel bad for how something makes you feel.

I actually was diagnosed with ADHD right around the same time that my emotionally abusive 6 year relationship was getting really, really bad (what I would later find out was the discard phase) - the whole reason I went to therapy is because I thought I was literally losing my mind. The word gaslighting was not even in my vocabulary until my ex accused me of gaslighting *him*, so I googled it and oh boy 😳 it led to TONS of info/videos about emotional abuse, narcissism, etc. and I finally understood what I was dealing with. Makes me get choked up just thinking about what an exhausting, confusing and heart breaking time that was

Goodness, this hits hard. When I was in middle school, I made an online friend who was incredibly manipulative (we'll call her Bre) and often tried to get me to agree with her on things I thought were wrong. She would often ignore me after an argument in order to get me to beg for her attention so we could talk it out. Hell, at one point, she even tried to convince me I was gay when I mentioned how pretty a female character was. If I remember correctly, she even tried to push me to do NSFW roleplays with her on Hangouts... At that time, I wasn't diagnosed with ADD and I was already a pretty sensitive kid. The only people I had to help me get out of that toxic relationship were two other online friends and my mom. Bre would often try to get me to stop talking to those other friends and convince me that my mom was a "bad parent" for trying to get me to go outside and do activities around the house. This "friendship" lasted all the way until the middle of my freshman year of high school. I had an emotional breakdown in the middle of the cafeteria because she was guilt tripping me into thinking I was a terrible friend for forgetting her birthday when she already knew I was bad with dates... Bre's influence in my developmental years still affects me to this day. And that really sucks, but I'm slowly getting better. If you've read this far, thanks for reading my sob story and be careful out there! Nice is different than good.

I’ve been gaslit by my father for so many years that I believed every word he said. I finally had to get away ever since I learned really bad things he’s done in his past. I’m glad that I can start to recognize the difference between abuse and gaslighting and kindness and love

Maybe this sounds ridiculous, but I think me and my ex-wife used to accidentally gas-light each other. I have anxiety and ADHD, she's hypersensitive and has anxiety. We've both experienced a large amount manipulation and abuse. So we're both prone to questioning our feelings and perceptions of events, but add to that financial troubles, the stress of parenting, a hefty college schedule (her, not me), loss, AND partners with questionable memories..? Her and I often had different memories of things. Not just memories of particular instances, but a different collection of memories than each other. I think sometimes people are accused of gas-lighting just because they have a different interpretation of something. So there's that common thing, and the misunderstandings that arise from it. I think we had all of that. Then we felt crazy. Then we behaved irrationally. Then the other person would see that irrational behavior and be like "wtf is going on? Are you crazy? Am I crazy? Are we BOTH crazy??" I don't know what my point is. This shit is hard. I hope she knows she's not crazy, and if I ever made her feel that way, I hope she forgives me and knows I didn't mean to.

Yes, we are vulnerable. I often refer to the gaps in my memory as my ADHD gaslighting myself.

I've been feeling gaslit by my Dad for a while now. We both have ADHD, I'm 22 male, dropped out of college during COVID after 2 straight-A semesters, tons of potential, now living at home trying to figure out what I wanna do, all that jazz. He doesn't understand what I'm going through because he's learned to just deal with his ADHD, and he's also a workoholic military man. I'm very artsy (while also being very good at math and science), so he thinks I should be able to just deal with it like he does. It's very frustrating and demoralizing when he gets upset for my failures, on top of myself being upset at myself.

Was a victim of gaslighting in a relationship. Took me a long time to recover my self esteem. I lost all sense of self after that experience, I wouldn't wish it even upon my worst enemy. My advice is take your time when entering relationships, especially if you have adhd.

Having bad memory has also led people to accuse me of gaslighting them and also gaslighting the gaslighting… told I’m probably remembering it wrong or wasn’t paying attention.

"We might trust others' judgment over our own" really resonates. My ex gaslighted me during our breakup, and even though her claims didn't make any sense, I had so little faith in my own memory and had come to rely on her so much that I really doubted myself. It took some counseling for me to realize what was happening.

I've been gaslit almost my entire life, starting with my mom during my teen years when she would constantly deny my claims of adhd and say I was just depressed/gifted and bored. Then throughout my entire 7 year relationship afterwards, where I've steadily grew to mistrust myself and what I could remember, question my self worth, and even lose a very close and potentially strong friendship that my ex convinced me was wrong for me, and now the friendship well never be the same as it was. I've been to therapy and was "awoken" to all of this and I'm slowly healing on my own. But emotional abuse, especially very consistent abuse of years, is so hard to shake away.

As someone with ADHD I was always told I lacked empathy. I worked hard learning to be more empathetic, took classes, read books. The minute an ex would get mad she would immediately jump past everything I learned that because I accidentally overlooked empathy in the past I must not have been able to have it in that moment and it would always turn into no matter what happened that would always be the problem. Because I knew I lacked empathy in the past it was an immediate trigger to make me doubt myself

Great book: Who's Pulling Your Strings by Harriet B Braker. Shows you tons of signs of manipulation and how to set boundaries and be less of a target.

I've noticed that I'm very susceptible to manipulation and have been in an abusive relationship before (roommate). I've worried that it was a character flaw that made me gullible. Glad to hear it reconfirmed that it's not my fault that someone else takes advantage. I'm sure if I was outside looking in I'd tell myself that, but I don't always remember to try out that perspective shift with my negative thoughts.

A lot of people misuse the term "gaslighting" since its newfound popularity, but this is a good explanation.

Oh God. Seeing it spelled out like this made me realize this is what my sister and I have done to mom. Not all the time, but often enough that I feel incredibly guilty. What we thought were 'productive conversations about past wrongs' were actually just me and her forcing our perspective on mom and making her feel terrible about stuff she had no control over. No wonder she felt exhausted after. I have to call her. I have to apologize.

I can't even word how important this video was/is. I have adhd and autism and this is so me! I felt this so hard. Every word!

This channel has taught me to love myself. My sister once said "ADHD is just an excuse for being lazy". I was speechless then, I've never confronted her and never will, but I can be more forgiving towards myself.

I had a manager who was a mega gaslighter. I didn’t understand what was going on, I just knew talking to him never made sense.

It's comforting that many things that make me feel alone, are actually side effects of ADHD that I haven't mentally acknowledged until I watch one of your videos. I didn't realize that my tendency to self isolate, ADHD, and susceptibility to gaslighting are kinda connected.

A lot of people are asking if they are accidentally gaslighting others. Gaslighting doesn't require an intent to make someone feel "crazy" or gaslight them, but *it does require an intent to manipulate.* It is emotional abuse. Often, gaslighters target people who have low self esteem and are quick to doubt themselves ("wait -- am I the problem?) That said, it can *feel* like gaslighting even if it's not. And this can be common in neurodiverse relationships. Someone might feel as if they are being gaslit by an autistic partner, for example -- but this article explains how it's different (and why it still matters): www.goodtherapy.org/blog/is-it-still-gaslighting-if-my-partner-has-aspergers-0311194#:~:text=The%20fact%20is%20that%20I,be%20if%20intent%20were%20there.

As is the case with so many other minority groups, we are constantly told that our perception, experiences, sense of reality and way of being is wrong. Both on an individual level and a structural, societal level. I'd wager we are more prone to gaslighting, not cause we're more susceptible by nature, but because we, as a group, are conditioned to, from having our sense of reality continuously be brought into question. It's the same dynamic as when BIPOC are told that racism doesn't exist, and the racism they experience isn't racism. Or women are told the sexism they experience isn't real. Or trans people that the transphobia they experience is all in their head. Or poor people that classism doesn't exist and that they're in full control of their misfortune. Fat people when they are told that the malicious attacks are 'empathetic concerns about their health'. It's all gaslighting in a big scale. Gaslighting is all about making someone doubt their own sense of reality, and it becomes much easier to bring someone's sense of reality into question, if someone else has already done the groundwork

Thank you so much for this. I have autism, adhd, and menstruate. I'm super vulnerable to being gaslit, but on the other hand I have a fear of accidentally gaslighting others. Due to my bad memory I'm sure there are things I have done and said but when it's brought up it's extremely hard for me to believe them and so I might end up gaslighting them instead. I have no idea how to fix this.

Fortunately, I have an excellent long-term memory and have become self aware and perceptive to gaslighting. My big downfall is not being capable of standing up for myself in relationships with an employer for fear of what inevitably always happens (me being fired) I’m fed up with life

Yes. Yes. Yes. I always doubt everything I think and I always believe in what others tell me. Not because of childhood trauma, but I can't trust my memories, not anymore. So sad. I always feel like I'll never know myself, only what other people say of me and I'm working on that.

It’s worth pointing out that this can accidentally happen in relationships with someone on the spectrum. They are literally perceiving reality in a way that is different and does not include details other people see easily-so a person with ADHD might believe they are just wrong instead of that they are checking in with someone has a poor grasp of things like the emotions and social cues in a room. Especially if it’s an undiagnosed or mild case. We need to just learn to be confident in our own perceptions as valid so it doesn’t matter if anyone around us is off, on purpose or not.

Oww, I've been questioning everything lately. "Am I really overreacting?" Thank you for the info, love your channel and your vibes ♥️ Ps: I haven't been diagnosed yet but it seems I do have ADHD for a lot of reasons.

One of the biggest milestones my wife and I reached was identifying the difference between "I don't remember it that way," and "You're wrong, and/or, that never happened." We both took the former as the latter and once we realised that it wasn't, our arguments toned down significantly.

I went through years of this, so I'm very sensitive to being accused of gaslighting (which is a popular thing these days). Being afraid to disagree with the people around you is a sign that your social circle is toxic.

Thank you for talking about this! *warning for sad venting… I was diagnosed with adhd and autism at age 30 and I was unfortunately stuck in relationships with lots of manipulative behavior against me my whole life. Just like you talked about, it’s hard for people with autism to know what boundaries are normal and when someone is abusive or just being honest and straight forward to you. I realize now that they used my cluelessness to make me do lots of things for them that I didn’t want to do and they fooled me into thinking I was a bad friend/girlfriend when I tried to say no. Well, better learn late than never. Hopefully someone can see though this bad behavior of someone in their life thanks to this video and get out of those relationships earlier before they get as traumatized as me. I can only hang out with my partner now, I have too much trust issue after having no normal friendships or love relationships before this one. My therapist says I don’t have to force myself to have friends if I don’t have any wish for it, but I don’t feel normal..

So odd that you’ve uploaded this at a moment I needed it the most… Heard the term before but never really understood, until you’ve explained it in a way that has made me realise that I think I’ve been a victim of it for a long time. I recently got my diagnosis but I’m struggling with the realisation that actually not many people I tell seem to care or I end up getting gaslighted as a response… I live in France where unfortunately it’s not very understood among the general population. Thanks for this video ❤️🙏🏼

This hits me in the gut. I thought my whole marriage that everything wrong in our was my fault. Every time I brought valid points, my wife would be dismiss them almost exactly as you described. Now I’m about to go thru divorce and it’s very hard to stand my ground because of this. Thankfully I do have help and this channel. Thank you very very much

Thank you for this video! It addresses a thought I had about gaslighting. I recently broke up with a narcissist. As narcissists feast on your vulnerabilities, I too think it’s harder for ADHD people to notice gaslighting. It took quite some time until I noticed inconsistencies and then had some proof or rather was really sure about something. At some point there was a situation where I really KNEW what she said 5 seconds ago. That there was no ‘not’ in the sentence that was hurting me badly, like she said. And then it hit me: How many situations were there before where I was really not misremembering? Where I was wasn’t getting loud although she said so for example. With narcissists you get at least the feeling something is off, and it’s easy to dismiss that and blame your ADHD. At least the ‘I am sure!’ situation gave me a confidence boost for my point of views. But how many situations were there in which I didn’t even notice anything was off? I just have a vague idea because of the arguments where I asked the same questions 5 times and got 7 different excuses. Excuse: Different perspectives of the same answer or that she’s brainstorming reasons because I was never satisfied with the answer. No, I am just calling you out for your lies and made up excuses! Of course she often said how hard it was was to deal with me and that I was an additional child for her. No, it’s not that I am hard to live with, it’s you being evil, lying straight to my face, messing with me and holding me down (and hostage)!

Thank you so much for doing this. As a survivor of DA and Narcissistic abuse, learning to see gaslighting and heal my memories of it has been a massive deal. I wish it was more widely known in our society. Thank you for making this more visible!!

Oh yes … I also grew up with narcissistic parenting.

“We might trust other’s judgment over our own.” Historically, that has been so true for me!! But I’m getting better at trusting my own… yay!!

Yo, these new graphics are awesome. My brain stayed entertained and I only zoned out a few times! Great stuff. I don’t think I’ve been gaslit, but I do regularly question my memories. Thanks for making this video, I didn’t realize we were more susceptible to this.

Omg! That begining bit! I was once playing a game where u have to deduct who the bad people in the group are. And I was somehow confused into thinking I'd done the wrong card instead of actually finding one of the bad people. Was hilarious though in this situation

Prone to doing it and vulnerable to it, too. Not remembering things is bad for all involved. ☹️ (No, not deliberately gas lighting people but I'll fervently argue that something didn't happen... then find out later that it did 😩)

I experienced this for a year in my last relationship and seeing this today brought me to tears. I appreciate all of your videos, they are wonderful. Thank you.

Wish I saw this with my ex in highschool. 8 months of separating me from my family and friends and believing I was a terrible person for tiny things. 4 years of pain later I'm me again.

Those are good examples. I just wanna point out that a lot of gaslighting is non-verbal. It's even harder to point out and harder to break away from and retrain your brain into a healthy trust of its perception.

I like how the text (in 0:51 ) is made. With all the symboles and the timing it tickles my brain in the right places so it is easy to get. Normaly i have problems understanding long centences in english because it isn't my first language. Thank you for this Video. It is a realy important topic. I understod how gaslighting works 2 jears ago and it changed my life completly (for the better).

Thank you for this video! I needed it. It feels so good to know that you are not crazy or alone. People do not understand how this type of abuse bleeds in to every other avenue of your life. No one should have to question reality constantly... It's like holding a birds wing and then demanding to know why it can't fly.

Thank you I had a bad day today Not really related to Gaslighting, but a person asked me to just not be "so sensitive" I was unable to mask my stimming because of my bad day and they took it as "sensetive"

Hey Jess- I wanted to let you know that I’m a therapist and I use your videos all the time with my clients. Old, young, ADHD, non-ADHD. You’ve been such a great tool for not only me as an ADHD-er but also me as a mental health clinician. Thanks 😊

I’m an adult who was only very recently diagnosed with ADHD and on my ongoing process of healing and recovery, I had to come to terms with realizing that I had actually suffered from gaslighting from people taking advantage of my tendency to people-please out of my inclination towards wanting to do good. It was harder as I was already suffering from my own issues I didn’t know how to fully cope with that I, with both grief and relief, realize as challenges from having ADHD (and some related co-morbidities). It is challenging but I am grateful for so much support and help I will no longer hesitate to work with out of strong feelings of shame and regret out of it in my life. What I didn’t realize then but now acknowledge is that in these cases, those manipulators would disregard my own feelings and did not respect my own person, just wanting to use me for either emotional fulfillment, material resources, or my own skillsets for their own ends without equal measure, like I had been scammed out of a healthy relationship and may not get closure for. It’s not healthy to be made to doubt yourself so much that you end up fueling more self-destructive behaviors to compensate for the sense of “not enough” or from pain of rejection from this, especially when you had previously built a relationship on good will. Thankfully, with the genuine love my true friends and family have shown me, they have helped me completely get out of these dangerous situations. I hope though, that with time, therapy, continued collaborative care with my psychiatrist and support systems, healthier habits and choices henceforth with more mindfulness, I can make peace with this and also use my experiences and skills to avoid perpetuating this cycle and also recognize it when it might happen again. Just wanted to get my thoughts out there, thank you so much for this video! Your channel has been helpful on this often-misunderstood condition and makes me feel like I’m never truly alone despite what my own perception of my experiences tell me.

Worked with a Narcissist. The experience changed me and not for the better.

This is gonna be interesting! I always feel like I took something the wrong way or remembered things wrong

Weirdly perfectly timed video. I just broke off a friendship because he was gaslighting more and more frequently. I was always wrong, I was never doing enough etc. I only just came to the conclusion about it happening the other day when they gaslit so obviously it would be almost impossible to miss.

I now believe that one part of my brain is Gaslighting the other, quite effective actually.

I spent a year living with some of my close friends and this nailed my experience living with them. They minimized my grievances towards them while maximizing theirs to me. Made me question my own motives and made me think something was fundamentally wrong with me because I wasn’t able to pick up on their rules that ended up being double standards. They definitely framed things as them trying to help me be better with relationships. They constantly would get mad at if I tried to uphold any sort of boundaries. Even just trying to avoid them would get me accused of being a bad friend. It didn’t help that the place we lived was fairly isolated too. Once I started talking to other friends online, it helped me see just how much I was manipulated. I still low key expect people to blow up on me if I’m any less than perfect, but I’m working on that. But if anything helped me, it was having others to vent to and provide affirmation that you’re not in fact insane or broken.

I broke up with my partner a week ago. I was just so tired of apologizing. This video helped me remember why I need to stay far away. Thank you. Couldn’t have been better timed. Trending in the right direction 👍🏻☮️💚

Thank you 💖. This has helped me put everything into place. I just realized recently that I've got ADHD and I am leaning more about myself and why I do certain things. Thank you

As someone who grew up with a covert narcissistic father, and as someone just learning that I may have ADHD, this video was so refreshing

Oh dear, this really hit home. I managed to get out of a relationship where I was gaslit heavily, and it really messed up my brain in terms of being able to trust my self perception and how I see the world around me. I’m in therapy to work through this, and my therapist confirmed that neurodivergent folk are often more susceptible to this form of emotional and mental abuse. It was such an important step in my recovery to learn that I’m not crazy, overreacting or simply plain stupid.

Kinda sucks to know that this video is relatable for me but it’s nice to know ADHD is getting more acknowledged these days. I’ve always hated being told what I was feeling or not feeling, dealt with it all my life.

This feels like my relationship with my mom almost to a T. I say “almost” because I highly doubt my mom does it on purpose (or most of the time)- she just thinks she’s right about everything, therefore assuming I’m wrong. Regardless, that has made me assume that I’m always wrong and I doubt pretty much everything I remember. Especially since I know my memory is spotty because I’m not attentive to everything, but am on certain things, so I never know what’s right or what’s not. My mom doubts a lot of what I claim because of this. Very confusing and frustrating.

I cannot even begin to describe what this video means to me. I was in a narcissistic abusive relationship for years. Now, my boyfriend (who is not abusive) tells me when he notices OTHER people taking advantage of me, points out kindly that I’m still autistic, still naive, and still don’t recognize it when people are mistreating me… and I am so grateful to him for that. Though, it did take a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that HE is not manipulating me when he tells me I misremember something. He’s helping me. Ugh, the damage done feels permanent sometimes!

This can also happen in a workplace environment. I was gaslighted for 10 years by my boss before I really dissected what he was doing and how manipulated myself, coworkers, and executives.

Man, the timing of this video coming up on my feed is not coincidental. Having grown up under a textbook narcissistic gaslighter, my sibling and I have become desensitized to it. Always having to reset, and play along even though we KNOW and can FEEL the wrongness of the inconsistencies. Yet, our rejection sensitivity and emotional dysregulation causes us to constantly overthink our sense of self and if we really are as toxic and damaging as gaslighters have convinced us of. It transfers over to your relationships and interactions with people. It has caused us to endure more emotional abuse than we actually deserve by basic human rights. And then once we come to realize and trust our intuition, since our hightened sensitivity never goes away, even if we realize we arent the gaslighters we still feel like the main problem fir being gullible and easily manipulated.. which then goes into the rabbit hole of feeling like maybe we are weak, unintelligent, frantic, and reckless. Thank you for this video. As somebody who has struggled with diagnosed ADHD since 12 years old, somehow it never actually gets easier. But recognizing and awareness like this helps us to better navigate for the sake of our wellness to be in tact thru and til the end.

Ever since I confided in my parent about my trauma / ADHD related memory issues, anytime I disagree with their version of events or try to address a way they hurt me, they remind me of my memory issues and assert that their memory of it is correct. It's really hurtful because while I am willing to consider that I may have remembered something incorrectly, they aren't willing to consider the same for themselves even though they also claim to have memory problems.

I can't describe how glad I am to have found your channel. Or all the reasons why. Domestic abuse survivor, that's me, struggling and I don't know why, also me. Procrastinator, me. Loser of important things, also me. Forgetter of dates, misser of deadlines because I can't plan to save my life, the daydreaming, socially unsophisticated, emotionally dysregulated, all the things. This explains a lot of my behavior. A lot. I'm getting more information. And my therapist is in trouble.

I used to insist on remembering things right before (obnoxiously), but once I realized I have a bad memory with my brain having a tendency to make up things to fit the situation, I've just felt lost. I find myself constantly saying "maybe you're right", find it harder to say my opinion and I'm always discouraged by how wrong I am. It's good I'm not so obnoxious anymore but it's really impacted my self-confidence.

As an ADHD student, I was bullied by other students, especially in middle school who would intentionally gaslight me and the teachers did nothing

Needed this. Thank you Jess!

Been through this too much. Thank you for helping me understand why i am the way i am. Im undiagnosed but 100% certain i have adhd. Every one of your videos has connected with me so much

thank you for this validation. I left a 3 year gaslighting relationship almost a year ago and it's been a really rough recovery. but I finally found an ACTUALLY good person to be in a healthy relationship with. and a support system that I tell literally everything to make sure I'm not being abused.

I HAVE ADHD AN AUTISM

What about the inverse - ADHD/ASDers being more prone to (perhaps even unintentionally) gaslighting others? I feel like I do this sometimes...where I perceive or remember something differently from someone else (particularly things that I have said where I may not have articulated my thoughts as intended) and take a hard stance on the issue. It feels wrong to me to tell someone that they 'heard me wrong' or 'misunderstood' what I was saying, even when I legitimately think that is what happened.

The best way to respond is “we see things differently”. Distance yourself from these people and set rock solid boundaries. Record conversations if you need to

I can never trust my own thoughts. Between transference, oppositional defiance, and just general social obliviousness, I can't ever really be sure what I am upset about or why. I have to constantly question every thought to avoid gaslighting myself.

Not sure i agree with this one personally. I have a hard time accepting when my own perception/reality wasn't the actual truth EVEN if i'm wrong.

do you think that some people with ADHD may be perceived to gaslight others? gaslighting requires intention, but we might accidentally manipulate others because we actually dont remember what happened. it sucks.

I had several Family members and Friends do this to me throughout my entire life. It took the better part of 4 decades to Feel and Believe that My Self-Worth is not theirs...it is mine. The fact they are angry bc I pointed out something obvious and reacted by causing me to DOUBT MYSELF over the Formative Years of My Life... I have come a LONG way the past 5 months...that was when I finally had my Self-Worth Epiphany. Since then...it is shocking to me How Often Someone's Self-Worth is the Cause of the Reaction and Behavior. Others Reactions RARELY involve anything You have done!

I would do this in my teens, because I wanted (feels as strong as need) to trust other humans. I have mostly learned to trust my own memories.

My boss would literally tell me I wasnt remembering things correctly and try to take advantage of my ADD. It got so bad that I then started to record the meetings on GoToMeeting. She then continued to say I wasnt remembering things correctly and try to submit to HR that I was doing my job poorly. Then when I shared the recordings to her and HR that “i was not remembering things Incorrectly AND indeed was correct” she pulled me from projects and tried to make my position no longer needed by eliminating my work. She was trying to get me fired for my disability. I had set up a strong support structure to do my job very well despite my ADD and she did everything to tear me down. She very much new I had ADD. Needless to say I left that job.

Yes, yes, and yes

I've struggled with social interactions and understanding other people all of my life. I've also had bad memory problems my whole life. Unfortunately, these two things have combined to make me a prime target. I've been accused of gaslighting multiple times, because I genuinely don't remember an interaction happening, or because I misunderstood someone and had to have something explained to me multiple times. I recently started worrying that maybe they are right, but hearing that abusers will gaslight you into thinking you're the gaslighter helps a bit.

I’m so glad that you made this video! I’ve been wondering about this, as we tend to be forgetful. I was gaslighted and wondered if I was more susceptible because of undiagnosed adhd.

Realizing my ex-wife was doing this to me is a main reason she is my Ex.

We need our own island 🏝

Oh my goodness I needed this right now, thank you

There was certainly some of this in my first serious relationship, like trying to convince me not to trust my friends and loved ones, saying I didn't bring up concerns that I'd repeatedly brought up or that she knew me better than I knew myself and that certain things I said or did "didn't sound like me." But mostly, it was straight-up bullying. And "She's dealing with her own mental health issues" was definitely an excuse I used for her a lot.

I’m curious what everyone’s thoughts are, on how you differentiate between seeming overlap or grey areas between: . deliberate gaslighting, for malignant motives . not necessarily a malignant person, but actions or behavior resemble gaslighting and are damaging nonetheless . motives unknown, e.g. a stranger, proposing their view in addition to ours . someone otherwise “well-intentioned”, making a mis-step in a “read the room” kind of way . complete ignorance. All of these can hurt. But I wonder where one draws the line, where one villainizes the alleged perpetrator and allows no-filters on dehumanizing language - as opposed to giving benefit of the doubt and/or resolving to simply put a lot of distance between you and them. As a recovering victim of narcissistic abuse, I find this distinction tricky but essential.

Do you think with the memory issues that come from ADHD etc. that people with ADHD are more prone to unintentionally gaslighting others?

Just left a 15 year relationship. This sums up the last 15 years of my life. So glad to get away from someone who controlled me by doing exacting these things and saying word for word everything demonstrated here... Be safe everyone. I wish I knew these things years ago, it would saved me so much pain, loss, and heartache.

I was just on the phone with my mom the other day and we made a realization that people always try to gaslight me. I was jokingly like guess I'm an easy target without even putting the two together. Thanks for the amazing and informative videos!

Yes totally!!

My mom is bad about this.