I relate to this so much. Thank you for putting it into words.

My mind is troubling me with that topic these days. I guess i want to share my thoughts (I always watch your whole videos while im at the bus or folding my clothes, so at this point you feel like someone I could be open with). I've been 4 months in Madrid, it being my biggest aspiration for YEARS to leave my homeland. Before coming I studied to become a flight attendant, but i went to the first interview, and i didn't feel like doing a second one. In fact, i was relieved i didn't get the job. Now, i work with young children teaching english at a school, and for a while I entertained the thought of becoming an actual teacher and make it the focus of my professional life, but the feeling comes and goes. I barely have enough money to live because in the morning i'm...studying to become a swimming instructor. I swim but im not a pro or anything, and i'm debating if to keep going with the course. Is it worth it? It's free and so is the transportation but i'm waking up at 5:00 so I can be there at 9:00 am. What the fuck I am doing? I would love to be dancing, singing, hiking and doing everything I love. But for that you need time and most of the times...money. Honestly, i feel like immigrating again. Is it that im used to have the plan to "fly" a country still ingrained in my head? Honestly I want to be an au pair and keep practising and learning one of the languages I learn. My aunt (the only family person I have here) has the usual mindset of wanting me to have that clear ambition. She does. She has been living in Madrid for a decade, owns a car, is an architect and does fine...but i dont want to be the next her even if it is the most stable, smartest way to live in this city. It's not only that I don't want to be her, it's that i know I would have to give up so much of who I am to become that sort of person...

The fact that you put so much thought into connecting with others, what it looks like, how it works, is more ambitious than most people I know in committed relationships & friendships. Just a point of view of someone on the outside looking in. Humans at large could learn a thing or two just by listening to your self discovery videos. I wish I had words of encouragement. Just know there's a point when the beliefs don't matter, the need to analyze them fades and 0 f*cks becomes a reality. Perhaps there in lies the "peace of mind"?🤔 Live your life by your own rules Michele. The people that are meant to be part of it will stay, the ones that don't didn't deserve more time than they shared with you. I just wish you could experience the value your viewers get just from your sharing of content (just for being you).