She lied and wants a bailout. She probably uses her resources to continue to help her grown, capable children, leaving her husband to carry the load. And lying to him too? No sir. It's HER mess.

she makes 40k, pay it off lady, take responsibility

I don’t care what’s legal or not, I don’t expect my wife to help pay my debt especially since I lied to her!!!

She LIED to her husband and now wants him to help her pay her debt... girl bye.

So if she had murdered someone before they got married and the police caught up with her should he serve half her jail time as well? She needs to take some responsibility for her own actions.

Dave you did get the percentage wrong. It is 100% on her. It makes it even worse that they make the same annual income and while he remains responsible she thinks it alright to act a little girl and have him pay for it. See ya later sweetheart!

Dave you're really wise man and I follow you a lot but man it seems like you always put the blame on others men no matter how lopsided it is

She's a strong independent woman, I hope she ended up paying it herself and didn't rely on him. Or I hope he left if she didn't.

Stay away from single moms.

This guy says 10% of the problem is on the husband then spends the rest of the segment bashing him. He sides with women cause the alternative would demonize him. He has no backbone.

Marriage is about 2 people sharing everything together, no good saying when it becomes a problem "oh you know that debt I ran up? well 'cause we're married WE need to sort it out" this causes resentment and mistrust which causes divorce.

She ran up the debt, hid it, it's on her.

Ive watched alot of your stuff now Dave, ive learnt alot but i feel if this woman had said her husband just revealed a debt he had been keeping secret the word divorce would have come up.

She runs up 12k dollars of debt behind her husband's back and Dave tells her it's her husband's fault... stop telling idiots things like that it makes them blame others for there actions. She's a spender and a giver and she needs to learn to put up barrier's band how to say no. This is not her husband's fault and she lied to his face about it . Bad advice Dave.

To be honest, this is why you talk finances before marriage. Not so you can end the relationship, but so you can be open and honest and know what you're getting into. And to have an attack plan.

They could have this paid off in a few months. 80k year is about 6,600 a month before taxes. Assuming basic needs, food clothing, shelter ( not wants or luxurious,) she could have this paid off in less then 6 months.

Lying to someone about debt is the single best reason to divorce them.

My ex lied to me about our debt also, to the tune of 161 grand. Which is why she is my ex now. Now it is hard to trust women after being betrayed so badly. I'll never co-mingle money again, ever. I know this is against Dave's teachings but mentally I cannot afford to take a hit like that again and financially I cannot afford to start over again in life at my age.

Still an issue. She buys meds for her daughter without talking to her husband. Didn't really hear any remorse about that.

Oh it’s WE now. It was you and your kids behind his back. WE as in you and your kids need to fix it

So, you give your wife the freedom to make adult decisions, your bad. Your wife has to confirm all financial decisions with you, you are controlling her. As a man, you just can't win. Always YOUR fault and she is never to blame 🤦‍♂️

Ramsey is such a feminist

So in other words he shifted blame from her to him. Great.....ugh

There are plenty of men who pile up debt, if you spend much time listening to Dave you'll hear about them. What I don't get is how these people manage to spend thousands of dollars without the spouse noticing. Don't they wonder about all this stuff suddenly appearing?

It's her deal. He should not have to shoulder her irresponsible spending.

Bad advice Dave. It's 100% her fault. The husband probably saved money and she blew hers. She is not entitled to anything after lying to him probably for years. You get married because you two share everything but since she has been lying to her husband about this doesn't make it right. Run for the hills!

If the roles were reversed would Dave answer the same way? Or would he be saying how he needs to grow up and take responsibilities for his actions?

Dave is wrong on this one. Just because she is married does not mean that the husband has to help his wife with paying off her debt. She ran up the bill, and she should have to pay it off. Dave is always preaching about personal responsibility, and yet when it comes to someone's husband telling his wife to suck it up and pay off the debt he feels that the husband should also help. This just enables his wife to continue to spend more without any repercussions. If it were the other way around, I guarantee the husband would have been told to be a man and pay off his debt without his wife's help. This lady should suffer the consequences of her actions.

I'm always dying to know if Dave is drinking sweet tea from his Tervis!! It looks so good.

i wonder how many spouses come clean about drug addiction after they try to build a budget.

12 grand isn’t that much though really, could clear it in 18 months with gazelle intensity

SOUNDS MY HUSBAND, BUT I CAN NOT DISRESPECT HIM AT ALL HE IS HEAVEN SENT.

They will never prosper if they take some of the advice from you who comment. You obviously do not understand the legalities of marriage. He might be in worse shape if he divorces her. I have seen that happen firsthand. Marriage = Teamwork.

why is it usually the women with the debt issues?? My best friend just found out his wife is $100,000 in debt. She never told him. He had to find out by accidentally opening her mail.

BYE FELICIA ... one word : DIVORCE !!

What do we do when you're spouse does not stick to the budget?

She spend the money now she want husband to help her out. It like blaming the husband cause his wife like to gamble

This husband made a huge mistake marrying a single mom with 2 kids and debt. He should divorce now before its too late

So, when she was running up the debt behind his back it was “me”. Now when it’s time to pay up it’s “we!…”?

This comments section is shocking. A man married a woman - vows to provide and protect. Then wife makes a mistake and all of a sudden, he doesn’t have to be a husband anymore? He has every right to be upset. She completely lied and betrayed his trust. But to just stand back and say, “this is your mess, now fix it on your own” is WILD to me. That’s not what marriage is about. And I know marriage isn’t about running up 12k in debt and hiding it - again - she is in the wrong here. But a husband choosing not to help his wife is wrong too. Two wrongs don’t make a right. His actions are showing a lack of empathy, understanding, and love. The Bible says we should love our ENEMIES. That we should HELP our enemies. If our enemies are thirsty, give them DRINK. If they’re hungry, FOOD! And this guy can’t even help his own wife? The one he vowed to love for better or for worse? This “Mine vs Yours” attitude is why so many marriages fail.

Its good to see people in the comment sections are actually holding this woman responsible for her debt. Dave Ramsey has a beta mindset.

Corn Pone Dave doesn't realize that this is probably not the first major issue in their relationship. She is probably feeling desperate because he's floating the D word.

Now that you got a mess now you want him involved.

i respectfully disagree with you dump lump, they cannot live as roomates and separate entities, they need to learn to work together. He said she assumes 90% of the debt and he 10%.. so he is still saying she needs to work hard to pay this off right?

don't get married fellas

So collectively they make a little over $4500 a month after taxes. They could pay $500 - $1000 a month and have it paid off in 1 to 2 years. He should help her out because once it's gone they can start saving together. I do think it's messed up that she hid her debt from him though but then expects him to help pay it. These things need to be disclosed once a couple becomes engaged.

This is some next level simping by Dave. She sounds like a terrible wife.

File for divorce and prosecute if possible. Kick her to the curb. JEEEEZZZZ.....

I have been waiting to call Dave Ramsey for a while but I’m nervous because I’m very scatter brained and I don’t want to sound like a crazy lady. Also, I have no idea where to start with my financial issues and I have a hard time articulating myself.

The conversation kind of went off the original track, which was about having the both of them to go to the program. I think that it is coming across to him like her realising she needs to get her act together and go the programming and then her telling him he needs to go too. Him being good with money means that this idea of letting someone bad with money tell him what he needs to be doing would be a really hard for him to swallow. A pill that he himself doesn't need to take. At the bottom of it all is that they need to work together and make decisions together, and her trying to 'get'himti do what she wants is quite obviously rubbing him up the wrong way. She needs to back off and actually collaborate with him. Maybe even listen to him, seeing as he is good with money and she isn't, she might be able to learn a few things. I think he would be way more open to the idea if he felt like she took him and his experience in managing money seriously

This couple has deeper issues. Money is the tip of the iceberg. They need to dig deep into their hearts and get on the the same page spiritually and emotionally and fix the marriage. Then they can fix the money problem together.

What is she going to do to change?

Women get away with everything go on a shopping spree your husband will pay for it

I have a question if my wife and I have aculamated DEBT together (mostly hers) and she stops working is this wrong?

I think Dave is wrong here I agree that you should combine your finances when you’re married because you are one. But this marriage started horribly wrong she kept the debt from her husbands knowledge prior to marriage! It’s concerning that they went into this with a lie. However I do think the husband needs to get involved and help mitigate her irresponsibility and rash decisions he shouldn’t just abandon her, but yes she needs to take ownership of her deceit and my personal opinion pay for it because she lied. It’s a completely different story if it was disclosed prior to being married 100% the husband should team up on that debt but nope not on a lie. I hope she learns to be honest and I hope they can have a successful marriage and move past this.

nice

Ex wife !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I understand why he'd be upset initially but to tell your wife you're abandoning her at her time of need, basically, over 12K? And they make 80 a year? Sound like the mistake here is him.

The failure is not yours it comes from him because he is your authority according to the bible.women need to be protected from themselves and their screwball emotions.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY DAVE SAYS, BETTER THAN I DESERVE. AS IF HE DOESNT NOT DESERVETO BE WELL. ANYONE???? I HE IS A CHRISTIAN AND JESUS DIED FOR US TO HAVE WHAT WE DESERVE.

Well said Dave

The husband does know that her debt is his debt right? They're married - she's not his daughter. Ethical talk aside, this will financially affect him and by acting like it doesn't will only harm himself financially.

Men are to love, respect and protect their marriages. Some on your comments are appalling until it happens to the majority of couples or we'd not have a 50% divorce rate. Of which 40-50% of divorces are caused by financial mismanagement.

So much anger in comments, my goodness. My situation is similar to this one ONLY in the money scheme of things. My partner and I have adult children. We will never marry because I spend my money on my kids and he spends money on his kids and we don't want to stop that. Perhaps that is what has happened in this phone call. This lady spent money on HER two kids that her husband didn't adopt.

He lets her do.... Sounds more like a friends with benefits arrangement than an marriage. I earn 75% of the money in my marriage. And it's 100% OUR MONEY. Everything is OURS. Income, Expenses, and Debt. Even though, 9 times out of 10 I'M the one stuck on Stupid with spending. My wife has been very gracious with the issues I have, and I with her. All the nay sayers below, I'm sure have his, hers and ours checking accounts, and keep an accounting ledger on who pays which bills etc. Nothing wrong with that, but it ain't a marriage.

I agree with dave because some partners pay less in bills and therefore have more money left over. She is taking care of her family. He should help.

It's just as much of the husband's fault for not promoting a healthy relationship where both know everything about the other's spending. If you suddenly have a diseased body part because you just decided to not pay attention to how it feels on a daily basis, you can't expect the diseased body part to resolve it's own problems without the immune system stepping into action, and expect to keep the diseased body part in your body. TAKE CARE OF YOUR SPOUSE AS A TEAM - EVEN IF THEY ARE SICK - FINANCIALLY OR PHYSICALLY. The husband is forgetting his duty - "in sickness and in health" - and didn't promote a relationship that would have PREVENTED this $12k sickness.