2:35 Based turned arounder. You'd think after awhile she'd get the message that she is in fact a 4-5/10. They never learn, keep thinking of themselves as a 7/10 or 10/10, so even women can rack up rejections by chads and chadlites. This of course they think is somewhat equivalent to men being turned down by literally all across the spectrum as a 6/10 or better themselves. 2:54 Um no, it's because you did have some successes and even chad and chadlites will drop you some D making you think you were livin da drame for awhile. 3:14 Nothing is wrong with you, chad and chadlite just have a mile long waiting list of 22 year olds so don't want to be bothered with you. 3:53 great example of the face putting people off. 5:18 well that's not technically true lol. don't listen to uggos women that got rejected almost a hundred times bros and siss. Check wheat waffles for men. 5:33 well that's incorrect. And you obviously still don't know your "flaw and imperfection". Even though probably people online have told you. 5:51 women's delusion. Actually not meeting the rock bottom bare minimum req's of any avg man is in fact your fault, as they're usually tiny. Of course if we're talking about chad and chadlite's preferences not being met, yeah of course, you can't be 22 forever, and you can't be better looking and thinner than you are. O wait, you could be thinner, but not better looking. 6:05 true, but liking vanllla ice cream over earwax icecream does generally indicate superiority to the tastes of humans of one over the other. 6:34 Yeah we know about the 1000001 "icks" of women. Strangely, chad and chadlite doesn't suffer from giving too many icks. Because they're just so "good" (attractive). 7:52 or unless you watch high quality red pill channels for men. 8:51 yeah that's yet another unattractive thing. men don't need you creating a whole history of yourself, they want you to make history WITH THEM. Burpa.

Women with the courage to cold approach men have my respect.

For a couple of years at university I had a friend with whom I was basically inseparable. She was cute, funny, and smart. We were friends for a long time before it even occurred to me to ask her out. She rejected me, but she also told me why. I reminded her too much of one of her ex-boyfriends, which was part of why we got along so well, but also why I was basically off-limits for dating. That's when I realized rejection wasn't a judgement of my worth, but was about what the other person needed. That revelation made everything about dating and relationships easier.

I don't even know 60 people.

As a bit of reassurance, I was that rejected girl for a long time. I thought about dating constantly, went on apps, asked friends to match-make, flirted in bars, cafes... It makes me blush thinking about it. Finally I decided, sod it. I'm fed up of trying to attract a mate, to prove to someone I'm worth having. I'm fed up of having my heart broken. I decided to focus on myself, to stop being desperate to find someone, raise my standards and start thinking about what I wanted and not trying to be what someone else wanted. It was only when I had stopped trying so hard that I met my husband at 32 years old. We were engaged in 6 months, have been together 9 years and have 5 children. Love and value yourself first; make a life you love first...

"We're just a bunch of little gremlins......it's not that serious" 💯!

Door to door sales taught me to remain indifferent to rejection, and keep a "numbers game" mentality about it all. In door to door sales, if they opened the door I had a 1% to 8% close rate. 8% is the very best days. For dating it's higher, but not much. *Willing to try, indifferent to rejection* is one of the best skills not only for dating, but for all of life.

Whenever I would develop a crush on someone (I never develop crushes on anyone I'm not already friends with), I would always tell them very early on, for very simple reasons: if I told them and they rejected me (which I often expected), I could very quickly start to move on and get over them and be friends again without any weirdness. This really worked for me all through my teenage years, then when I got to college I told my crush I liked them and it was totally chill if they didn't reciprocate, and turns out they also liked me back! We've been together for 5+ years! I'm not generally a very confident person, but I learned very young that I was wasting my own time and creating more pain for myself by pining after someone for years and over-analysing every single interaction, instead of just getting the rejection out of the way, and moving on. Love this video!

If you're breathing, you will experience rejection . . . laughter . . . failure . . . success. If you are living, you experience life. EDIT: Success is not accurately defined by the world. What does success look like for you?

2:25 that guy seeing you only to turn around and leave on a first date must’ve been out of his mind

How to deal with romantic rejection: Step 1. Play Disco Elysium

*The world would be a better place without me which is why I have to keep living.*

Statistically the more you keep putting yourself out there the more rejection you'll face in comparison to someone who doesn't try at all. The way I see it, I don't need a bunch of people to say "yes". At the end of the day, I just want one person to make that commitment. If Edison gave up, he wouldn't have discovered how to make the lightbulb. Maybe i'll discover a hundred relationships that didn't work out, but that'll just prepare me for the one that does.

Even in friendship you can’t expect much from people they are going through their own changes and transitions and sometimes you move out of allignment with people the key is not take any of it personal. Don’t get your sense of self worth from anyone but yourself.

Hello. I am 62 in Georgia USA, divorced and recently retired due to combat PTSD and a genetic form of OCD they diagnosed with it. I appreciate your content and wanted to thank you and wish you the best.

This video is sooooo valuable 😅 Learning to depersonalize rejection is probably the most important skill in dating

Most girls I liked didn't like me back. But I had others that hit on me all the time without my realizing it. Or they had some undesirable trait. Had no dates in high school. Thought l was undesirable to the opposite sex. Finally met somebody I liked who liked me back. Been married over 30 years.

As someone who was badly bullied in school about my appearance I am abnormally terrified of dating 😞 I’ve put it off for years but I’d really love to meet someone, esp now I’m in my thirties. Thank you for this video. I can see myself rewatching it often.

There are so many different factors that may result in rejection. A person you're approaching might be having a bad time, be depressed, sad or in a peculiar state of mind (even while still finding you attractive at that moment). Some might like you but reconsider - after recognizing that they are not ready (emotionally, financially or because of some external situations). Blaming society and genders frankly sells and spinning and weaving negative stories and opinions won't help you in the long run (even though - some sad trends might be applicable).

Sometimes people reject others because they actually make them feel inferior. When i was young I was rejected by a guy who really opened up to me while we were in the friend stage and then asked me out. He seemed very excited and then broke the date off a few days later. I found out later that he thought I was too smart for him, lol.

I think the reason we get sad and hopeless when we experience a lot of rejection is because we know many people (friends, cousins, neighbors...) who have not had that many rejections and who even find another partner much faster than us if their relationships end. So our unconscious mind analyzes those close situations and tells us that we are worse than those people and that we possibly have more defects that make it difficult for us to find love.

I submit that like so many things that have steadily gone to crap in society, in the world, and in life in general, social media's role in making romantic rejection/romantic and relationship failure seemingly worse is kind of undeniable. Social media is the realm in which we compare our lives (good, bad, or ugly) against the often carefully curated, idealized facades of the lives presented by others. If nothing kicks you in the teeth harder than the timelines of beautiful people who are happy and romantically fulfilled, whilst you just got dumped for the third time this year, I don't know what can.

Thank you so much Cinzia! I appreciate rejection because I wouldn't want to wind up dating someone I wouldn't be compatible with on a fundamental level (I've accidentally done it before anyway and it's not fun 🙃).

The last time I had a date they were in the discount bin at the grocery.

one of the best things about sales is learning how to deal with both rejection and success. people who get high on their own success tend to fail in the long run.

One can either have the scarcity mindset (and to be anxious, pushy, stalking - because "it must be the only one person...", cuz "I won't find anyone like that...") or the mindset of abundance (to put the soul at ease). Hopefully there's always someone for everyone - and there's too many people around anyway. Now to only filter that out... The best solution: take rejection for granted as the default state. No hard feelings if it wasn't meant to be. Results: there is nothing to lose, only to be pleasantly surprised.

Those guys who stood you up must be bonkers Cinzia - you're absolutely lovely!

Thank you for this video. I’m a guy with red hair and freckles. I was bullied in high school… by girls. The cheer leaders were the worst. I had paint poured on my head for looking at a girl. I’ve been treated like the most disgusting pervert who ever lived for asking several girls out. I had a drink poured on my head for asking a girl to dance. I was accused of sexual assault because I asked a woman out. I’m not a pervert. I’m just not handsome by western standards, though I have been called handsome by many Asian women. My favorite movie when I was younger was the hunchback of Norte Dame. I related to that guy, to how he was treated. I’ve probably only asked 30 girls out in my whole life, and I’m 66, so I haven’t been rejected as much as you. But I’ve had had 2 ten year relationships and had a wonderful 15 year marriage to a wonderful woman who sadly passed away, so it’s not all bad. You’re right, it’s not the end of the world to be turned down rudely and it’s not illegal to be a 2 and like someone, though it seems some women would like it to be. I was a damn good husband and my wife and I really loved each other. I appreciate the time we had together. I’m grateful for it every day of my life.

Think of the most beautiful, intelligent and talented people you know or can think of and even they have been rejected and dumped by people, it’s a pretty universal human experience.

The struggles you talk about resonate with a lot of people. You articulate your points very thoughtfully.

If you have been rejected 60+ times I applaud you actually because that requires inner strength to dust yourself off and approach someone else again, also in keeping the faith to not give up. I commend you on your courage, tenacity an relentless pursuit of love. You didn't become a debbie downer or a female 'Elliot Rogers' psychotic shootout. You've preserved a positive attitude to life. So thumbs up to you lady!

I admire a lot your courage to talk openly about that. As I struggle with rejection myself, you inspire me a lot. I wish you the best!

I find it so admirable that you're able to take your past pain, trauma, and rejections and find the humor in them. It's safe to say that the majority of people get too caught up in the bad things that happen to them, dwelling on it and unable to move on. It takes a lot of strength to take those negative experiences and find the positive in them; incredibly commendable.

Rejection is re-direction and so common!! Rejection is so hard romantically it hurts but there’s hope, it’s re-direction, a no means next opportunity!:) I’ve also been rejected but rejected guys too mainly been rejected and hurt.. but not taking it personally is KEY!! Cynthia is right! I have heard rejection causes physical pain in the brain scientifically.

This is one of the healthiest rationalizations that I’ve heard about rejection. Thank you for sharing

Thank you so much for this. Very refreshing to hear a woman talking about rejection.

Mad respect towards you for saying you don't hate the entire male gender after so many rejections.

Thank you for this video. Rejection from a crush, a job or a scholarship is part of life. The second I started to cry less for being rejected by my peers or universities, is the second I actually got more offers and deeper and more meaningful connections. Because instead of focusing on why was I rejected, I started to think, "oh well, maybe it was not meant to be" and working towards my goals in a different way. There is more than one way for doing things, and sometimes a rejection is a blessing in disguise.

People are too picky, and forget that all humans are flawed.

Thank you, this video is definitely for me who is a single 29 year old and about to be rejected 64 times , but seeing this i can say that i will be successful the 65th time 😂😎

When I have today a look on different people that rejected me, in the past, I think, thanks god.

The fact you laughed at 2:32 proves you're a legend!

This has got to be the absolute BEST video on the topic of rejection I’ve ever seen! Sometimes I forget that I’ve got my own preferences and there’s nothing wrong with that, and other people have their own preferences. And the other person doesn’t owe me an explanation. Top notch.

i tend to fall into those self-pitying 'shame spirals' [someone coin that] even in the face of the most minor inconveniences, mistakes or failures; _it's all generalised into a personality trait_ i imagine i'd do the same with rejections [although i haven't quite yet reached that level of bravery required to approach people to begin with]. slowly learning to embrace and welcome these tough moments; they're what add flavour to my life story and make it more interesting. thank you for calling me out on my shit :P you earned a new sub

You must have been so glad that guy turned around and walked straight out. So much time saved having to find out he was a rude individual the long way.

I wish there were more people in the world like you who made sense. Thank you for sharing.

Some men believe that women dont face this kind of rejection so thanks for sharing your experience

So timely! I got rejected yesterday by the man after 20 minutes of the first meet-up walk. right after, when he asked me what I studied and where I work, I said that after my PhD, I started to work at university, he pulled out his mobile murmuring something in it, and then he told me "Sorry, have to go, I have a business call".

Hello Cinzia, I found your channel last week and I must be honest, you have been such a balm to my soul. Your personality, your thoughts and thought process and vulnerable honesty in these videos are so touching that I adore every single one, no matter the topic. Just wanted to say thanks and as someone who just last week got brutally rejected, I think I will thoroughly enjoy this one hahahaha

You didn’t deserve that, Cinzia, your dog just had a different preference

Rejection isn't nearly as bad as never making the attempt. At least you don't have to live with the depression caused by "what could have been".

The story of the person that saw and immediately turned around and walked away, is terribly funny to me, rude, but funny as you are exact the type of person that I would love to meet on a first (blind) date.

I like the ice-cream analogy! Good way of looking at it

An observation: I've been watching your videos for over 2 years now and (making allowances for only knowing about you only through your videos), I can safely reach some conclusions: you're smart, you're a good analyst (one of my careers), you're both intellectually curious and rigorous, you're honest and you are exceptionally good-looking (speaking as a professional photographer and portrait artist). This adds up to a boatload of intimidating qualities for most men -- perhaps the vast majority, and (I suspect) most especially in current society. In my experience, men have always had a hard time with honest women who are smarter than they are and better looking than they are, and I think it's gotten worse in the last 20 years. Some of these will (sadly) lash out (see pinned post), especially online (the most toxic environment there is). So in the vast majority of cases -- when faced with women of this superior nature -- men are not "rejecting" them but fleeing in the face of their inadequacy... and then trying to blame someone else. I recall in another video you commenting you were "below average" in most things and not a "high quality" person, which made me wonder who exactly you were "averaging," about which qualities, and where the threshold of "high quality" was set. Whoever we are , it's trivial -- especially in the era a social media (don't get me started) -- to find a zillion people who make us look bad at something or even many things. Everyone is "below average" in some way: Einstein didn't write plays like Shakespeare; Shakespeare couldn't prove Fermat's Last Theorem; Homer I doubt would have succeeded as a power forward in the NBA. Conclusion: the concepts of "average" and "high quality" when applied to people is never useful and often harmful -- we are not mere data points to be put on a graph. The truth is, you shine. You cannot be blamed if some allow themselves to be blinded by your light. Carry on...

Thanks for this beautiful video. I got rejected last week and this made my life a little better

I feel like I just had a great lecture from a former professor. And as an American, the English accent made it all the more better

You're brave, intelligent and gorgeous. Keep doing what you're doing.

Every single one of your videos always comes at the perfect time for me!!! Your channel is honestly such a blessing in my life. Happy Valentine's Day!

Isn't it a key part of preadolescent development to learn you can't have everything you want because the "everything" part is structured and the "you want" part is arbitrary, and includes impossible and hopelessly improbable objectives based on that structure?

You're an absolute hero for making this video and talking so openly about it!!!! ❤

Such an important topic you talk about here. So glad that you've spoken about this for all those people out there that have experienced the deeply cutting pain of rejection

Thank you so much for doing this video on rejection. Not many people talk about it so openly which makes people believe they are alone when they are not.

Brillant! Thank you Cinzia, much needed on this Valentine's day. I'll be my own Valentine and I am thriving. Sending you lots of parasocial love!

I never really understood rejection as a judgement of a person, but I see now that other people could and would

Thank you for putting this out there. I’m glad people like you exist :)

I bloody love your videos. They are so comforting because even though you look like you’ve figured it all out and you’re living the life, you are so open with how you aren’t and how we are all in the same boat of not having a single clue about what’s going on in life and yes, maybe we are sinking but we WONT sink and we are all flapping around together 😂

This is immensely comforting and such a great way to look at rejection. Thank you for this gem. I needed this.

I rejected a lot of girls because I had a medical condition called chronic pelvic pain syndrome that made me not want to have sex. I feel bad for not telling them why; I was embarrassed to talk about it.

Thanks for this video. There is a billion dollar industriy very present here on youtube feeding on everyones insecurities. This approach to this unpleasant subject was challenging, comforting and also motivating at the same time. Great job!

Rejection just means that you weren't a (good) fit. That's all. That means that you would probably be a better fit for someone else, which is better for you.

All salesmen know that the hardest sell is a cold-call. Most dating these days is cold-calling. You really need to find a way of developing a relationship with potential mates, but without entering into the friend zone. By making it clear that your intentions are potentially romantic.

This is the first time I've seen one or your videos, and I have liked, commented, subscribed, and saved this particular video to return back to when I face rejection of any kind. Thank you, and keep making awesome videos!

Thank you for reframing rejection in this positive way. You're wise beyond your years, Cinzia. What I would like to share is that in my experience, common interests and values wasn't as relevant as sort of "looking for the same thing" was. With my current partner, maybe we don't listen to the same music but we were both wanting to get to know each other respecting each other's boundaries. With other guys with an identical music taste to mine, we could have a fun conversation but they would lose interest the minute I told them "hey I just met you like 40 minutes ago, I'm not going to your house". Lol.

Thanks for an honest and insightful post! I usually skip these kinds of videos, but it was so genuine that I couldn't click away. I look forward to more of your great content.

I greatly appreciate your view on this topic and this video has helped nudge me closer to taking rejection with more humor and humility. Its not easy given how sometimes we can be so starved of necessity affection, but that doesnt mean we have to hurt ourselves in the process. It reminds me of the two arrows story, the rejection is the first arrow, and our self pity is the second -- you dont need to send the second arrow. Again, thanks for the perspective

You don't know how much i needed this. Thank you.

You approached dudes cold like that? That takes some serious courage. Subbed.

I didn't go on my first date until age 20. Then I went on a total of about 5 dates until I was 27. Now I'm 42 years old and I've been married for 12 years. I love being married, but I also really liked being single and if my wife wouldn't have showed up, I probably could have stayed single and dateless indefinitely and been happy with that. I think it's important to enjoy your life and find the good in it, whatever stage it's in, and not strive too hard for the next stage. Don't panic if you never reach the stage where you think you're supposed to be. My dad lost my mom 20 years ago, and as rough as it was, he was able to adjust, and he enjoys his life now too without ever having remarried.

Honestly, this is such a mature and inspiring outlook it's refreshing. God bless ❤

This has helped me feel braver in getting out there and going on dates, love the perspective of turning the perceived painful or rejection ideas into humour!

Another valuable video! Your self awareness, powerful words & almost psychic-like relatability never fails to be endearing. It is funny in hindsight coming to the realization of finding the humor in the pain of rejection in the sense that to me, it fueled my tendency to overthink & formulate ideas about someone to fill in missing blanks or hyperfixating on the one trait that really sold me initally and wondering how i could of aligned myself. In all honesty, reflecting about it now with the aid of time is quite frankly ridiculous & as you've described, it's rather simple. People just have preferences & that's it. You are not really the problem that isn't always in control externally & that's ok. Your advice alongside not adopting a scarcity mindset towards whom you meet & not prescriping yourself to those who have extremist viewpoints on their experiences in dating/relationships & falling to confirmation bias as a result, is critical to moving forward and your wonderful trilogy of uploads covering love as opposed to the ramblings of those who are red/black pilled is an easy recommend for anyone who is struggling with this. The pursuit & concept of love had always been a big insecurity of mine but you have revitalized my spirit in this regard & reminded me that love is real & inevitable with the right tools & an idealistic yet tangible attitude towards life. Thank you. You are a godsend. Also man....just visualizing myself as that guy who walked away from a date with you & I would of been kicking myself so hard haha. You are the exact type of person I would love to date but knowing what I know now, it will happen eventually. ❤

This is your first video I am watching and I am already enchanted by your wisdom

Thank you for making this video, it finally made things click in my head and now I can move on in peace. You are wise beyond your years!

Cinzia, you forget about the psychology of mate selection in the internet age which reduces to the most basic decision making factors looks & status. The only thing changing the outcomes is familiarity:)

Your videos helped me so much. Thank you with all my heart!

Thanks you, was very uplifting, and unlike alot of the negative voices on here, you strive to be humble and help others.

You sound so wise, I'd listen to you day in and day out!

This is exactly what I needed to hear and gave me a new perspective.

Thanks for bringing up this topic. I think dating is really hard now and its great of you to remove the stigma from rejection.

Thank you for this video! I do think that if we all just took ourselves less seriously then this world would be a lot less fraught, so right on! Also, the little "subscribe" button does light up!! Its so cute!

Thank you very much for your content, as a guy who never has dated and who knows many who never as well and that have been rejected it's really reassuring to know that some people especially girls can go through to struggles alike and made us feel less lonely. So thank you for your testimony and your honesty 😌

You popped up a few times before, I watched the how to make friends neurodivergent edition, which was very helpful! I love how you reminded us to not take things too personal, which is true, it all comes down to preferences mostly! And having fun, indeed! For someone with rejection sensitive dysphoria it can be extremely painful and hard… but it’s something to work on 🙏

I think you're wholesome and that what you say strike true. Thank you for voicing your insight on this topic.

I rejected this perfect young man once. He was very good looking, fit, incredibly smart, successful, friendly, spoke multiple languages, my family adored him, but went on a date and he talked so much gave me a headache. A huge migraine headache I knew not to waste his or my time. He was extremely bitter afterwards…

A very good take on the subject. In my experience charity begins at home, and therefore oneself. Afterall, if we cannot be kind to ourself in respect and love, how can we possibly do the same for another? You could say that we attract what we are, and the trick is to work on ourself and leave the door open to the right people...if they want to come in and say hello. If chasing someone is a no to ourself...something's wrong. Another thing to keep in mind is that some people look like a million bucks but harbour a dark past, and you just can't tell today who a person really is. You could be inviting in disaster or completely unaware of a hardship that makes personal relationships almost impossible.

You just earned a subscriber. Such a calm vibe

Cinzia, I find it very difficult to believe that anyone would find you unattractive. Mayhap your intelligence could be threatening to someone's fragile ego, but you are breathtakingly beautiful so I would have expected that you'd be needing a rather sizable stick to keep the skirt-chasers away. Add to that fact another: your voice is absolutely mesmerizing. If I were single, and not 30 to 40 years older than yourself, I'd be overjoyed if you took any interest in me. During my teen years, I knew exactly why I couldn't attract any of the ladies in school. I wasn't in the correct, shall we say "micro-culture." I was always reading a book instead of playing sports. Listening to the wrong music. Actually doing the assigned homework. Interested in art, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and too many different kinds of music rather than the things the people around me were into. Of course, being a socially awkward geek instead of a smooth Don Juan football player was only the tip of the iceberg. Once I got into college and found a large peer group which included women with whom I shared many various interests, I merely had to overcome my innate shyness to enter the dating scene, and even then there were any number of possible relationships that didn't work out for one reason or another. Sometimes, no matter how great the initial attraction between people is, things just don't work, in the long run. That's just life, and a perfect illustration of the complexity of interpersonal relationships. Hurts when it doesn't work out, hurts when it worked for a while but then ceases to work anymore, and hurts worse when someone you've loved gets snatched away from you due to accidents or illness. I'm 66 years old. At one time I was simultaneously married, widowed, and divorced. That made filling out income tax forms and census forms quite humorous, at times. You're absolutely right. The reasons for rejection are many, varied, and almost always trivial. Blame shouldn't be either internalized nor externalized. If something didn't work, there's no blame or shame involved, I've learned. It just didn't work. People are complicated. Each of us are individuals. When the lightning strikes, enjoy the ride for however long it may last. Whether it's forever or just one day, it's still special. It still has value. --Dan

Another vid that releases at the exact moment Cinzia, especially with Valentine's so soon! ❤️ Personally, been having trouble making connections with others, and while sometimes I do blame myself, I remember that it just takes time and the wait will be worth it when it happens 🙂 Do hope you all have an amazing week, and sending much to everyone across the world! 🙏

I apreciate your content so much, thank you!

I used to feel like this, like there was legitimately something wrong with me because basically every single time I put myself out there romantically I was rejected. I grew up in a high demand religion, and we were encouraged to only date in the religion if we could help it. But the religious leaders made expectations pretty high on standards of how a person should look and behave, but then turn around and told many of us to lower our standards a bit saying we were too picky because not enough of us were getting married young and we had this growing population in the religion of people over 30 not married, but we didn't get our ideas of what's ideal out of thin air, the leaders drilled it into us. Anyways, I didn't fit 3 of those ideals, I've been overweight all my adulthood, some is genetics some is I had an injury that made exercise a little difficult, well fat people in the religious culture are considered idle and lazy, you're only allowed to gain weight after you're married and have had a few kids and even then it can be looked down upon. 2: I was educated. OK, I didn't receive my bachelor's until I was 31, I'm not much of a studious person, but I am bit too intelligent for the religion's liking and would question a lot of things. 3: I had the proclivity to lean left politically and socially, for me it was about the bigger picture and representing people as a while and not every person that needs to be represented is like me, so leaning left came naturally to me (I'm fully left now, not to worry), lol. So while I was in the religion I had a very hard time dating and was rejected almost all the time, I would match with someone intellectually and politically, and there might have been a legit romantic connection, but my weight then would become an issue. I was constantly depressed. Then I left the religion when I was 34 and stated dating outside of the religion and low and behold my "issues" were no longer problems anymore. I still got rejected, but it was far far less often, and met my spouse within 2 years after. This isn't going to be a solution for everyone but changing my dating environment helped a lot.