I'll take the third option thanks.

100%. Omg. So true!! 😂👍

And what's funny about all those options is they're never satisfied with any of them. 😂 Particularly the first two. In my experience, if you even tried to be their slave, eventually they want to make you their enemy. They'll discard you for being boring or easy. It's almost like they want an enemy. Someone to blame. Someone to attack. Someone to accuse of persecuting them. Being discarded might be their favorite one as it reinforces their persecution complex. See everyone's out to get me including him. I've been betrayed. I'm a victim! Nuts...

Rephrased: 1. You are their supply. 2. You are their former supply. 3. Their supply has been removed.

Before all that you are being glorified. You are their hero.

Steal, kill and destroy. But God gives us a spirit of power, love and a sound mind.

@@sandrathomas2893 That spirit of power, love, and sound mind will never express itself while you are in the presence of a narcists. It will be crushed, so stop the happy talk! God gives you a choice, and if you choose to be with a narcists, you are choosing to be abused and turning your back on yourself and god.

Thats what predators do. They devour. It doesn’t have have 4 legs. Man is the ultimate predator.

😅

TRUTH!!!

That's called being a jerk!

​@@SurvivingNarcissism lol 🤣

Sounds about right!

Thats pretty chilling (and self-aware)

@@Gneiss365 right? He says a lot of these self aware things but somehow can't put it together to see that he is not okay.

They might believe that NOT doing this thing would mean that YOU control THEM, and they just can't have that! AND, I believe when we are honest with a narcissist, we are actually providing them with ammunition that they will always use against us. Therefore, I share nothing with my spouse beyond the weather and what's for dinner. (As I work feverishly behind his back, planning my departure...)

You’re emotional distress gives them Narcissistic Supply.

Tell them your boundaries and they go straight to them. To prove they don’t take orders, and also it sadly makes them happy to make you sad. Depraved individuals.

​@@harleyquinn5774screw that

Well stated, they are unable to self reflect, no interior life.

You’ve just described my exact situation. I went no contact with her after my dad passed away. She made it all about her. I miss him every day, but I can’t say the same for her, it gave me peace

@@heidithesausage Thank you, Heidi for sharing. It gives some comfort to know that I am not alone in my struggle. Eileen🥰

@Dan Williams Thank you for sharing.

@@joshua255860 same to you 🙏 sending hugs

It is like communicating with a child.

He used to repeat my words out loud to try make it register in his brain.

@@sthomas4634 I swear it is!!

Childish

Ah yes, the old concerned look...........and I just love that condescending, superior grin too.

Yeah, they say look at people's actions, not their words, but you honestly need to look at both and analyse and verify. A cheater could hold a beautiful anniversary dinner for you for instance. Doesn't mean they care jack shit about you.

AAaaaamen😊

Looking all innocent and guilty as sin😅

Whew.. so true.. but yes you should look at actions because their actions will never be consistent!! It will always be the tell. Yes they can make you dinner and be cheating but how was their behavior before that?? I think all we have to do is sit back and really pay attention.

My mother always talked about what she *deserve* .

Well unless it is I deserve some respect and to be treated in a civil manner. I used to say this and get crickets

@@amandachilds5290 there are better ways... i feel that phrase to be an entitlement showdown, because most times the person doesn't offer the same to you and doesn't realize it. What about "You are disrespecting me." "Why is it that you're not having civil manners lately?" Just two examples of less imperative ways to say it. If we demand from others or try to manipulate it's less likely people will cooperate.

@@corvus_knives all people deserve basic respect...life, liberty.. inalienable rights, Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs level of dignity and if that can't be agreed upon then that is a HUGE red flag. If I'm "not allowed" to convey t that, then that's a no go and I don't waste time any longer after things I've been through. Narcs use your goodness against you to gain control and upper hand through plausible deniability and gaslighting. I don't let them do that anymore. We can't converse without basic rules and understanding. What you are suggesting is way too enabling and wishy washy for the types of malignant NPDs and ASDs I experienced. It's a basic boundary and empowering to victims to set it and require it for anything above No Contact and I want them to realize YOu can And Should Say you deserve things too without feeling any type of guilt or shame! I don't think you are dealing with the same types of malignant narcissists I'm talking about but if that works for you and gets results I guess don't change it but "I messages", couple's therapy and inability to be imperative don't work on people without conscience. I'm talking about someone who cheats on you, does terrible things to kids just to get kicks and see their reactions, gets someone else pregnant while juggling multiple other people and a faithful Christian wife who takes care of 3 kids and all your needs, uses your toddler for bait and puts her in danger with strangers at parks, gives you an STD, keeps spreadsheets on his prey to keep them straight, pretends to be different religions and have different accents and lisp for different potential prey, steals, tells lies about you and others that you are getting a divorce and separated but take you to lunch everyday and pretends to be devoted while grooming dozens of young women online all over the world and erasing all proof he has an older son so he can lie about his age and make himself appear ten years younger, tells the traumas as your life to girls but pretends they happened to him so he can get sympathy, then assaults you in front of the kids because you found out your brief brush with divorce was not due to mid life crisis, recalled medication nor his low T but was really because he has NPD, BPD and more and in mania with a full blown affair, blackmail and possibly statutory sex crimes as well as likely drugs. It actually gets worse with threats to got to school and forcibly take sons and a missing gun as well as threats from his mistress upon me and my kids as well as potential threat from the teen's families, one of which turned out to be a friend whom he didn't realize I knew and who's father had just done work on our house and could crush him in one blow. These people were very supportive for me and forgiving of him to an extent and I was forgiving and he totally scammed us all until he could get what he wanted. That daughter was the one who started to put the pieces together after he sent her a photo of our daughter and she broke down and told her mom. She needed therapy as well as the rest of us. Such a narc will laugh at how pathetic you'd be for trying to say your feelings are hurt and you feel disrespected or anything remotely like that. It would make him grin with delight. When I say you deserve basic Maslow Hierarchy needs like agreed to sense of civility and respect I don't say it lightly. I mean basic dignity and value as a human being and it should never be seen under any possible way as bad. That's not negotiable OR a High functioning narc/ toxic gaslighter will WALK all over you and love every moment. I think you like trying to control how people communicate instead of allowing them to authentically communicate as they see fit. If a counselor is present to assist and they are working toward a goal sincerely, then the counselor can assist but in reality you can only chose how to control yourself. Instead you should control how you choose to respond when people communicate in ways you do not approve of. I have learned to listen to what they say and what they mean and not worry about how it comes out as long as they are trying to cooperate and work with you, but if their actions are not matching then their words will reflect that too. The actions matter most and if someone has no respect for you, believe them and find people who will

I hear you. "I am this way, have no voids to fill in my life, not gonna cange (improve)" cero insight, cero chance to grow as a person.

I think one of the most common misunderstandings is emotionally healthy people THINK a narcissist think’s the same way. They don’t cause they were scared by something that made them a being thats terrified and trying to survive in the world by feeling worthwhile at everyone else’s expense. They aren’t human as human is known. They are a predator in a human body is all.

If you read between the lines, they brag that other people are stupid for telling the truth and that they're so much smarter for keeping a lid on things (AKA lying)

@@rickydale1347 I don't think there is scarred as people say online. I think this is a myth that needs to be rechecked. Some people are flat-out evil for no reason at all. (That is historically documented as an undeniable truth.)

@@psychoholiday-ju1cp I disagree. Everything happens for a reason. A person has to have either brain damage, abuse in childhood or something bothering them to have negative/evil feelings. Narcissist are the definition of fear. Everything the do is because of the fear of being alone, rejected, unaccepted, of being inadequate. Everything they felt when the abuse happened they carry for a lifetime. It’s a never ending up hill battle for them their entire lives to feel worthy of a breath of air.

That is called their false reality. They should've took the blue pill instead of the red pill😅

Probably because she made him that way..

Your were, the mind is 6, the body may be 45.

​@@rickydale1347 3 year old toddler in a 55 year old body. Terrible experience and he was totally unaware of his behaviour.

@@francesoakford241 If you watch them you can see the fear in them. Let me tell you when i do. It’s when they are going from one room to another and they look at you at the last second with a glare. They’re very afraid. Something i noticed and that they wake up slowly and show their thin skin well as soon as they wake.

@@rickydale1347 Yes penguin walk from one room to another. Never keep still no peace no rest, no calmness. Just adrenaline, toxicity, anger, evilness, nervousness, and one hell of a temper.

Good luck!

That's my golden child brother.

The one I knew had top notch social skills and a relaxed temperament. But only in public😅

Oh, my family of origin is full of male people pleasers, including me, but I'm working towards recovery.

@@bodaciousbethany0 I was my maternal grandmother's golden child and my mother's scapegoat, although I was not the family scapegoat.

First you trust your instincts and gut feeling. Never second guess you gut feeling cause it’s all your acquired knowledge in a split second to protect you. Test those men well and long. Ask them questions DR. Carter said they can’t answer. Nail em Girl.

@Eden The same happened to me, I put some sentimental things in storage as we moved abroad. The narc ex handled this for me and came back into the country to work and checked on the stuff. When I moved back I went to find my stuff was missing and he said he didn't know what happened. They are so mean and cruel.

Leave that horrible man. My heart is broken for you. There is light at the end. Ask for help if you need it.

Yes mine did same! You made me do that it’s your fault… zero responsibility

That made me chuckle, Fred.

@@SurvivingNarcissism one of those truth bearers is Dr.C!

My"narc," added, "Most of my lies are by omission"......as if that somehow makes it better....messed up.people

​​@@Suzu52 My former friend told lies of omission that were so subtle it took me years to regularly recognize them. I learned by watching him with other people. Once, he told someone that he too once had an out-of-body experience. I knew he was too much a skeptic for that to be true and when I asked him about it he just got defensive. He just said stuff to fool people into thinking he shared their beliefs. His statements were half statements.

Narcs have a diversified portfolio of deceitful tactics they frequently use. Half truths, outright lies, deception by omission, future faking, distortions of reality, exaggeration, and intentional inaccuracy.

@@ozzyhouston2535 Wow. That's a pretty intense thing to lie about (I've had an NDE), but, I do understand how narcs would use such lies to gain supply.

What about this outstanding lie from a narcissist I know who said he was the most honest person he knew. This was before I knew about narcissism and I thought at the time he really must need new friends.

I didn't even get that excuse from my siblings after they came after me with FANGS even though I lived 2300 hundred miles away because I cursed at my parents over something. (I'm the third-youngest but all three siblings came after me and especially the golden children, but especially the youngest trying to fit in with them hacking my phone and stuff). But just like your case, they certainly acted the excuse that you're so-called family gave you. (I can't speak for you but that's what I call my siblings nowadays and I'm THANKFULLY no contact for years.. I gave into a text or a phone call once with two of them and I almost regret it because before it hit the red flags I was outta at the sign of the first orange flag. This scapegoating attack started into my mid-forties over nothing. I caught them making a few lies and exaggerations about me as well. Well, I can't choose my family, but I CAN choose my friends (or even be friendless IF NEED BE ..because ANYTHING is BETTER dealing with so-called humans like those.

You're totally right about them being very FRAGILE liars! Nothing like hearing the SHAKY sounding panic in their voice when they're trying to cover up their lie they got caught in with YET another lie... Ironically while trying to play it cool. (They're so WANNABE cool, it's not even funny!). I'm actually not that mad when this happens but feeling very vindicated because my hunch was telling me that something was wrong before I was starting to think about it with my mind too much anyhow

Thanks, Roxy!

@@SurvivingNarcissism You are welcome, Dr Carter & Gus!

They'll lie about literally anything. Like as if being dishonest about bigger things like cheating isn't bad enough, it's so disgusting when it's also the little things. And yep, omission is a favourite. My neighbor lied about the type of student he was, his job, having a PhD. He'd be religious if you were religious and an atheist if you were atheist. They have zero identity. Nothing that comes out of their mouth is the *truth*. It'll either blatantly be a lie or stuff will be changed or left out.

Gratitude received. Thank you!

Yeah, ole Doc. is all right. I like Mr. Carter or Doctor Carter.

All your memories fall in place like a 1000 piece jig saw puzzle when you have figured out their problem. I was watching Dr. Carter 4.5 years ago when i discovered what was wrong with my father. The more the doctor spoke the more correlated memories of my father came to mind.

Narcissistic mother here too.

I had a narcissist father. I asked my mother once”what’s wrong with him?” She replied he was born an asshole. I thought no, it runs deeper. He’s two people. Likable outside the house but a bitching, hollering SOB to my mom inside. I was a mama’s boy so i fought the SOB until he died then i shoveled the first shovel of dirt on him. I couldn’t get him in the ground fast enough. When people look at them they see what they are accustom too. A human. Remember the mind controls the body. Your looking at a nervous system destroying monster! She may look like Miss Alabama or Elvis but all that matters is they want to make you feel their pain which is tremendous. Divorce them if you can’t rule to decency. Most situations the narcissist will be a man preying on a weaker lady. A coward who is scared of competition. Divorce them ladies. Be like me. Love yourself, love life need nuthin or no one and you will be just fine. As the Lynyrd Skynyrd band singer the late and great Ronnie van Zant sang “ Be careful of the ones thats you reach for cause they may be the ones that do you in. “ He right as usual.

I hope i did not violate any community rules. I try not to curse. My father hurt my mom. And that’s war. Besides my personality type doesn’t have or believe in a filter. Hey it’s reality so deal with it is my take with all respect.

I wouldn't put it past him to have sounded you out about an STD if that was a fear that became unfounded. Or, was looking at worst case scenario to get ungranted permission. Then again, it could have just been the reaction supply he was after. Hard to say, as you'll likely never get the truth you're after. My wife had gained a LOT of post-baby weight, and blamed me for not losing it, supposedly fearing she'd be too overly attractive to me that I'd treat her like an object. But seeing her over 7 years after we split, she looked the same (or even heavier), so I know it wasn't her fearing my advances. Congrats on the weight loss, but more so on the freedom.

Hugs to you. 💙

Why are you still with this person?

Exactly my husband and his family!!

@@jordanferguson2254 I plan on leaving but it's so complicated right now..he has T1 diabetes but has always refused to take care of it (won't take blood sugars, doesn't take insulin correctly, won't eat right, smoked cigarettes, ect). Because he completely ignored his illness for years he is now on dialysis, waiting for a kidney transplant. I can't, in good conscience, leave a sick person. He's going to need someone to drive him around and take care of him. Another reason, my youngest son has some special needs and he is in a really good school district, don't want to move him. Also, money..I don't want to take a dime when I leave. I want to be totally free from him and I want to be in a good place mentally because I know his family will coerce and guilt trip me. I've been looking around for a therapist to help me get through when I do leave. It's a first step, at least, but it's going to take time. Not everyone can just up and leave, unfortunately.

@@susan3037 Thank you ❤️

Stampin, we have parallel experiences. I would add in my case, the desire on my part to hold a job (whilst kids were in school)~was to him, a signal that people would look upon him as NOT being a sufficient provider.💰 That, and the interaction & attention from people he did not know, therefore could not observe & control, was a deal breaker. But, from the outside looking in~we were the perfect family.

I had the mirror image. A super cute little wife who used that allure to covertly hide the narcissism under the surface. Volunteered at church to demonstrate how virtuous she could appear to be. Homeschool leadership devotee, who returned from every meeting with endless complaints about the rest of the leaders, but privately, at home, to her devoted, buffaloed husband. Strong-willed kids she praised for being independent thinkers. Numerous classes and courses in deep, theological subjects, where she and her husband could shine. But when husband continued to be a challenging teacher/leader when the inevitable discard phase approached, he was slandered and disqualified, and removed from all ministry opportunities, at her insistence. The marriage, long considered amazing by family and friends, fell apart with family and friends not even suspecting, until she realized all the blame could be laid at his feet, since he wouldn't dare even complain about her to anyone. So when the discard was complete, he stood bewildered at how swiftly things went sour and he was the apparent cause. The aftermath had her poor husband starting over, in a neighboring town, with friends who knew nothing about her (and still don't, really), but that restart has brought a freedom and newfound relationships that were unimaginable in that prior, "amazing" marriage. Despite the reversed circumstances, I think I understand, KellyJean. May your restart bring a freedom and newfound relationships.

​@@istateyourname4710 Hi State. The goodness in you shines through in your words. You are logical, sensible, reasonable, understand things, etc.. and a whole lot more good stuff.... He was not! All the best to you State 👍🙏☀️

​@@aaronkwolfe wow, that's terrible, its ugliness at best, crazy making, your a strong man to sort this choas out for yourself and others. Js For me, I get lost in the chaos every time. Now when I start to feel yuck warning, I excuse myself to figure out what triggered this, before I move forward with a responce I have to. This to shall pass😏✌

@@sturobertson6791 Thank you, Stu! You always have such kind words for everyone on TH. Take care, friend.🤗

Thanks so much...so glad it resonates!!

Good morning!

You too Beverly ❤

So pleased!!

Thanks Lisa! Pleased for you!

I hope you can rid yourself of feeling guilty. Going no contact (or low contact) with your sibling it sounds like will save you. Can you tell your parents you don’t want to discuss the sibling anymore?

Take it from someone who lived with "let's pretend we're a good family so we can be together" and let us ignore the bad behavior of a sibling & parent" will rob you of years, energy, and opportunities and at the end, you'll be left alone & broken. My family did this to me, and at the end, they kicked me out of the family. To this day, I don't know why, but I was no longer invited to family dinners or anything else. I was my mother's scapegoat, and my brother used to abuse me & my dad always made excuses for my brother & mother. I was 49 yrs old when I figured all this out & both my parents were gone. Please save yourself...don't make the mistake that so many of us have because we believed it would get better...it doesn't. My mother & brother just got meaner and I believe my mother killed my dad with all the stress. Please start distancing yourself if you can. The longer we stay in these toxic relationships, the more damage it does. Sending you my best & a hug.❤ Dr. Ramani just did a video of Narcissistic siblings. It might help you.

Kindly no that you are not alone. Life is terribly tough but you hang in there baby. Peace be with you ❤

30 years of plkaying the 'every family has problems forget abou it' game drove me crazy

Thanks Rita!!

Great insight! The difference is though, your alcoholism is not the totality of who and what you are.

Thanks for sharing this....keep learning!!

Pleased!!

Thanks, Gloria.

They don't even think about it and lie about just anything. Sam Vaknin got a good video on pathological liars, check it out.

You too Papu. All the best from the UK🇬🇧👍🙏

@@sturobertson6791 Thank you Stu!! Cheers!!🙂👍

And you Papu 👍 Take care 🙏🤗