yep!

Yep my mom I recently found out that my mother didn’t really want us but kept us because our father did. some things you just don’t tell your kids whether they are actual kids or adults. ! I’m 31 and I am unable to have them yet no one takes the time to understand they just wanna judge but they don’t know all the facts about.

Yeah exactly and there's a ton of orphans and children in foster care because their parents either didn't want them or couldn't take care of them

Yeah this comment really hit me depply because i am that one of those children.

@@cookiesncream8490 poor u I really hope you live trough every human was born here for a purpose so don't worry

Lies, you tell me why so many seniors lives with 50 cats in their apartments? because they're lonely

@@ericktwelve11Yep, they're lonely for CATS because they love CATS! 😻

Lazar I’m 26 as well and damn set on NOT having children either. I want to live life for me.

Same here

@@ericktwelve11 parents are never lonely, amirite?

I feel sorry that you had to go through this. I wish that you live in a more loving environment now.

True ! Simple as that.

Same. It's the worst thing to go through and I will never put that on anyone else.

Same!

Same.

@愛HiImAmii well how high is it? Do you have a statistic?

@UCro0MFHxkhJlRTLIk5Ad14g links, studies anything in that regard?

It frees up the person to do worthwhile things help others if they wish.

Sooo agree with you

It's called projection. Also, misery loves company.

Karen Aguilar yes!!!

Apparently "selfish" as negative connotations when honestly when I think about it I dont think it should. To be selfless is that you don't care about yourself like you do for others. That you'll put others before yourself. And yet, there's thought patterns of "self-care" that continue to circulate which many people find self-care feeling selfish. We should realize as a society that being selfish isn't always a negative thing to be. To address your comment, I totally agree that it's absolutely negatively selfish to just want a kid but not have the means to support them. I have these thoughts/standards on how I would want my child to be raised and I physically and emotionally cannot give that to them.

The only explanation for people who call this decision as "selfish" is jealousy, because some part of them which they were strong/mature/ authentic enough to make that decision.

Jack Obrein Children are not obligated to care for their parents in their old age. Do not procreate in order to insure you have a personal caretaker.

@Jack Obrein "fact of life *dear*" - what?? How extremely patronising. Don't "dear" anyone, especially not your elder and superior. This is a woman of 63, it's a bit bloody late anyway for you to be lecturing her. Get back in your box.

This is more or less my story. I am happy happy happy never to have had kids! I was always open and up front about it. I love my life.

Jack Obrein having children does not ensure you’ll have someone to advocate you.

@Jack Obrein Mmm, you've heard from others, but do you need a real life example? In China it's illegal to neglect your parents and leave them to fend for themselves in old age because of traditional beliefs. However, people break that law. An elderly woman had to sue her son 4 times, and he still won't take take of her. His public statement is that he doesn't gave the means to. He could go to jail either because he really is so poor he can barely provide for himself or he doesn't want to take care of her. I just hope people who have kids for their own better future raise them so that their kids aren't financially unable to care or simply uncaring.

THANK YOU

Having kids is overrated and fucking dumb especially in the world we are destroying they have no future

ProLife evangelical christians will tell you that using birth control is a sin and you are ruining God's plans to procreate.

@Patrick Saxon you are such an idiot

@@patricksaxon3983 And the rest of the world doesn’t give a shit. 😘

Us non kidders should be awarded for being so awesome

@@krazeemetalchickstewart9961 thanks

Same! Only I'm 33. Parents are pleased my sister has kids though so they're the lightning rod when it comes to them even trying to ask me for something they already know the answer to. More love to the grandkids they DO have, right? :D

Good for you, even children know their own minds.

I just turned 39 a couple of days ago and still haven't changed my mind. Never found the right man which was the main reason why but I also have NEVER been thrilled with the idea of having kids.

Thank you for sharing this.

🙏🏽

Fawn Whisperer ♥️

I'm so sorry to hear about that :( do know you're not the only one. And thank you for sharing this - people who "force" others (with their words) to have babies need to read this.

April Showers my mom told me she’d have had a better life if she didn’t have kids

Exactly what I was thinking. I think people who pressure others to have kids actually have a lack of understanding of human nature, and also somehow feel threatened by the existence of others who do not wish to have kids (which is just stupid). As human beings, we have the right to make choices that is best for ourselves, and that includes the right to not reproduce if one does not want to. And I think society would actually be better if people were not pressured to have kids if they have no desire to do so.

So right. I want people to stop judging women who don’t want children.

There are also people who love kids, and like being around kids, but don't want any kids of their own.

"So when are you getting a pet tarantula? What you do not want? But they are so cute? Why don't you want one?"

THANKS!

It also bothers me immensely when people say that women are only meant to be mothers as if they are some sort of animal or robot. What happened to individuality????

This should be a poster in bus stations, subway stations and schools

I was told that if I don't want children, then I am no a christian.

@@patricksaxon3983 that was wrong. Ask them how is having children christ like? Since that was it means to be a Christian. As far as we know he didn't have kids.

@@tamarrartis2918 Wanting children is a Christian obligation to the lord. Not wanting children is denying gifts from God, God has commanded: Be fruitful and multiply

wow

I love your grandma tbh

Grandma has seen things

Grandma said THAT?? Wow! She's smart! Glad she didn't try to pressure you or guilt trip you! Having children ISN'T for everyone!

I told my Mum how I really feel about kids and how much I hate them and don’t want them. Now she tells me not to breed lol. She’s right. People who don’t want kids should never have them. The kids would realise they’re unwelcome and be miserable, and that’s cruel.

This! I know people who whinge about being parents too but it doesn't stop them from asking us when we're having them.

Misery loves company, I guess.

Yup, I always think to myself, 'If you don't want problems, DON'T CREATE PROBLEMS'

YES and then some like to live vicariously through their same-aged friends without kids...sometimes creepily...and even more so if you're also single and trying to date and they're married with kids. I've also had some come up to me after having the "no kids" conversation and be like "omg you were so right not to have kids..."

They resent the existence of childfree (by choice) people as an attack on them because if children are a choice and they're not happy with theirs, it makes them wonder whether they made the wrong one. Even people who find parenthood generally rewarding are going to have these moments of doubt (because parenting is very hard work), and they don't want to think about it, so it's easier for them to treat parenthood as mandatory and pretend they didn't make a choice at all. So our very existence upsets them and they get personally invested in changing our minds to prove us wrong.

I completely agree with you!👍 People should not be pressured into have kinds of they don't want them. Just as much as people shouldn't judge other for wanting a big family (As long as they are able to handle the responsibility that come with it of course!) EVERYONE mind your own damn business!

@@crystalrodriguez6602 that's an excellent point. I admit that I have been guilty of judging someone because they wanted a big family, and I see now that was wrong. (I don't want children) As long as your life choices don't impede others from pursuing theirs, let them be.

This.

You are so right. My mother had me without TRULY wanting to be a mother - she loves me, she made sure I had everything, and my dad doted on me... I can't complain. But the fact that I have never been able to truly bond with or obtain understanding and approval from my mother, as a young woman, has left a serious mark. She was miserable raising me, absolutely miserable. I would never have done that to her had I had the choice. Having me broke her.

Fawn Whisperer just came here to say yes i suppose it’s important but on the other hand having a mother who LIVES for you and sees you as her greatest purpose is just as bad. Your child is not there for you. She does not exist just for you. She is not even yours. Have something, many things, to give a child. Have your own life a purpose besides parenthood.

Wow, you're very reflected. I hope you don't feel guilty. I just wished more people would think thoroughly about their reasons for having/wanting children. And consider that it's not an obligation.

Respect the honesty

I have a child and grandchild and love them both, but I agree. I got knocked up and so did my sister. We had an honest conversation when our kids were teenagers and said, honestly, if we had known what this involved before we got pregnant we probably would have opted out. Our difficult teens now are in their 30s and have their own kids (not due to any pressure from us) and we love them very much but I still don’t maintain that my life necessarily would have been meaningless without them.

@@chikaka2012 you're not the only one, I've had at least several different parents tell me that they secretly resent their decision to have a child, whilst they do still love their child unconditionally. You're not alone, don't worry.

Wtf does that even mean? You were selfish about having children and then became unselfish when you realized you had to take care of it?

♥💕❤ yes, also those made by baby-"enthusiasts" are a tragic sight too, I see them everywhere orphans with parents - those parents are too busy playing with themselves they have no time to play with own children, to show them games and at least throw the ball

There actually aren't that many children in orphanages, and of those that are in orphanages the vast majority have one or both parents still living. The statistics for orphans include children who have lost one parent, not just children who have lost both parents. Of children who have lost both parents, many will still have family living who are more than happy to care for that child given the right support.

Exactly!!!!!!

Shae Tallent By not having children, we are doing you a favor. More importantly, it’s doing the planet a favor. If you want to have children, you’re going to have to hope that global warming is resolved, because that means bad things for your children. ;)

I recently read that for everyone in the world to have a “good, prosperous” life there would need to be about 2-3 billion people and we’re about to hit eight... From an environmental perspective, not having kids is a great thing: fewer people that will inevitably contribute to pollution, climate change, etc.

Paws Not Claws me too 😂😂😂😂

Natalie NZ some people have that urge in their psyche and some don’t 🤷🏻‍♀️ I know women who are depressed they don’t have kids yet and I have never felt that same urge in my life

Also very hard to provide for large family. People with many kids are either very rich or masochistic

My tag line is "I can barely take care of myself," and there's a lot of truth in that...

@@KateeAngel I have 6. Definitely masochistic. 🤣 I love every minute of it though. To each their own. Just as I don't give people a hard time for not having any I wish people would not give me a hard time for having so many.

Peter Kazavis sounds like a parent. the freedom to do whatever you want, travel, and do simple things like not having to worry about kids, and sleeping in

Coleen - I soo agree with you❣️

“Mom can I have a apple?” “No it’s a onion”

Peter Kazavis 💀💀

Peter Kazavis Some of us do not like children. Get over it.

63 here and loving it ! Not all of us boomers followed our parents footsteps.

Rock on! Wish I knew more people like you.

@@ariesa9751 That's easy...don't retire! I have no plans to retire whatsoever! I love working

@@ariesa9751 I know many retired, childfree people from my field (airlines) and many of those people use the time to travel, pick up a new hobby, start a new hobby, etc. There are bounds of activities for those in retirement. My own parents are slipping into retirement and if anything, they want less responsibilities with my sister’s children and family. They want to “finally be able to do what they want to do” as my mother puts it. As for living situations, yes, there are some situations where parents live with the their children when they get older, but that’s selective and cultural. My mother took in her parents, but let me tell you- it was the hardest things she’s ever done. Her 3 other siblings wanted no part in it. Both her parents have since passed away but she promised my sister and I that she would never do that to us. For one, you can’t have kids as a retirement plan. It assumes too many things (for one that your child would be healthy enough to take care of you, that they would even live near you, that they would have the time to, or that they would be willing to). Kids grow up and have their own lives. I plan on staying healthy and able as long as I can, but if I need assistance eventually, I think I would love enter myself into a retirement community like my father’s mom. I’ll have the money to do it because I haven’t had kids. Father’s mom didn’t have to check into a retirement home until she was 95. She’s 101 now, so it was a good decision. Depending on where you go I’m sure, they look like a lot of fun- at least hers does. Home nurses are also very popular these days, though I’m not sure I’d personally like the seclusion of being bound to a house by myself if I couldn’t leave (some people do prefer that). So of course, it’s all about preference and living for other things aside from children. The world is an amazing place and there’s still so much I haven’t done or seen. There’s so problem with wanting children, either, but again, I can’t see how it’s a dependable retirement plan or has anything to do with your own retirement. Your life will still continue following retirement, so why not continue your life and not make someone else’s life (your kids) your own? I know you said you want to do the same as the original poster and I think that’s great. Just follow what YOU want to do! The above is simply an argument for people who ask you how you would be supported in old age.

Or what if they just move out and never speak to you again. That happens.

It is more selfish to bring kids in this world just so to order them take care of their old parents. Unbelievable

Jenny I beg to differ, because when young people know that I don’t have kids or baggage and I enjoy my freedom, the first thing they ask is “who’s gonna change your diapers then?” 🤣

Or what if they have health problems ?

Or, because you chose to have kids mainly so you'd have someone to take care of you when you're old, they grow up resenting you and refuse to do the very thing you had them for in the first place.

I'm 38 and same.

I'm 43 and anyone who has a problem with me not having kids can go a have a few more to make up for the ones I won't be having!

@@Kelly-oe8kr Exactly! Preach girl.

@@Kelly-oe8kr now that's a good one

Leave you alone ? Why do you feel so defensive ? Are people bugging you to have a child? People who ask do you have children is because it is so natural to them, that's their ideal world and cannot comprehend why someone who doesn't want something that is so precious a gift as a child, Gods miracle ? It's what is considered ''The norm'' Man for woman, they marry have children . I think there is a lost generation if there were a majority of people who chose not to have them, thank goodness that it is statically a minority !, your unborn child could be the next genius , find a cure for cancer !! .

When people ask me that question I made them feel guilty by saying (quite loudly) "WHY ARE YOU INTERESTED IN MY BODY IS SO GROSS AND YOU'RE A WEIRDO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME". It scares them and they leave me alone :)

I couldn't have kids due to a birth defect in my reproductive system, so when the questions from strangers or inlaws started about a year into my marriage started my go-to answer was ''that is absolutely none of your business''. This was in the 1970s and I upset more than a few old busybodies.

I am a 9 year old kid

@Tiberiu Farcas "There's nothing wrong"? Breaking news: even if "there's nothing wrong" it's not your fucking business. There's a difference between being curious and being a creepy asshole who thinks it's their business to know what do people do with their bodies and their personal decisions

@@agostinacoronel2901 I think its more creepy when people ask if your still a virgin. Why go around asking people if they're having sex yet or not ? Nobody's business creeps!

I always ask them "why are you asking about my reproductive system?"

Good for you! 👍

@@FC-hj9ub good one! I will use that reply.🙂

Danica Christin wow that’s heartbreaking

coz they can't make babies that's it

I already know I'd regret having a baby. I also know that I would regret doing meth or heroin. It's not for me or my husband. I'm glad I know these things before I decide to do them blindly.

Well. I bet most of them didn't realize that not having kids, not getting married, or whatever else people associate with "the right way to do life" wasn't the only life option(s).

@@deirdresversion Same to all of those things you said.

@LoveofVelvet wtf, I didn't read your whole thing but in case you haven't noticed. Saying it's selfish to have kids is just as bad as people saying not having kids is selfish. Why do people not have kids? For their own desire is the answer. Why do people want to take careers? For their own desire. Why do people want to get married? Hmmmm that's right!! For their own desire. It seems like every choice we make is for our own desire not just having kids.

@@kakkiekaars it's not narcissistic at all.

@@kakkiekaars I don't even have kids. I'm just telling you the facts. It's not selfish to have kids because it takes a lot of sacrifice. In order to raise a child you have to be quite opposite of selfish. You put the children's needs before yours so it's stupid to say selfish

@@kakkiekaars when have i ever said it's selfish not to have kids? It's not a sacrifice to not have them if you don't want them.

@@kakkiekaars you have to be smart to raise a child correctly. Doctors can have kids to

You're speaking my language lol

Amen

😅 damn true

Amen to that

Love

They don't want them to have kids in their teen years because it's bad for their future.

@Ari I never said they had to

@Ari I'm glad I'm not an arrogant piece of trash to think that. this one guy on the comment section thought he was better than everyone because he didn't have kids. I told him otherwise he called me delusional and all of this. he acted like I said something terrible. Then we have the religious creepos who think anyone who doesn't have kids is breaking God's rules. Don't forget the ones who act like having a child determines your worth.

@Ari me to

I think they dont want them to have kids young because then they would feel like they need to help out, I think they want them when they are 30 or 40 because usually that is when a career is established and you are more financially stable

blaqueathena I wish my mother was as sane as you

Thank you for being awesome

People who treat raising their own kids as the price they pay for the privilege of eventually become grandparents and act like their kids are cheating them of their reward by not reproducing creep me the hell out.

Can you talk to my mom?!?!? 😂 My brother has two kids living but my mom STILL keeps asking when I’m having kids. 😤 Good on you tho for just letting your daughters live their life as they see fit. That’s an amazing quality as a parent.

Ali Maldonado Concerns about overpopulation and environmental/societal impacts very much *are* important deciding factors in whether or not we should have children. I couldn’t live with myself if I had kids knowing how damaging it is.

I wish I could like this comment one million times!

Damn right! So much more time for meaningful things like contributing to society and helping other people who are already alive.

♥💕❤ support fully

@@arikarichardson3212 ♥💕❤ support fully

@@Alexandra-nw3xv ♥💕❤ support fully

Why would that surprise? It's not society that will have to bear the costs (financial, labour, or time) - IF the male contributes time and labour at all. Society benefits from you having kids while it costs them nothing.

If you dont mind me asking, what are your plans if something happens? I want to be childfree but my father in law died recently and me and her 3 kids had to help a lot to help her get through the funeral. What is your take on this one? I dont have many friends and fear of being alone all of a sudden. And that exactly the reason why i dont want kids. That would be selfish AF.

Exactly, everyone was made different for a reason, the world can only support so many humans. People should stop having them for the sake of it. The world’s population would halve, but would that be such a bad thing. There would be more resources to provide for people and not endlessly long hospital and specialist waiting lists. We’re too snowed under as it is - with a lot of unwanted children

You only doing yourself a dishonest, others are gonna keep having babies, thats what makes our specie continue and there will never be any better alternatives unless god says so..

AimeeRose22 So true!

Yeah that seemed very risky to me

This comment needs to be up higher.

I agree. Our wish not to have kids was discussed within our first few months of dating. It's something you know, something you're sure of, and something the other person deserves to know _right away_ so they have a fair chance at the future they want. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with infertility. I wish I could help you. Life is unfair.

Honestly it doesn’t matter. If you marry in your 20s 90% one or the other will change their mind

Also 43, no one believed me when I said I never wanted children. I had such a horrendous childhood to a teenage mother who didn't want to be a mother and blamed all of her lifestyle choices on me. Honestly, why would I ever want to risk inflicting that kind of damage on a child when I already know I'm not interested in having kids?

Same lol. I was about 5 when I first said I don’t want kids. They told me I’d change my mind. I’m now 35 and still don’t want them and they’ve stopped asking lol. I simply explained that I hate the idea of being a mom so much that I’d drown my newborn baby in the bath or throw it out of a high window. Because I would. I despise kids. Suddenly they agree that I shouldn’t breed. Thank god for that.

@@Kelly-oe8kr im wondering what your relationship with your mother is like now

@@romystumpy1197 My mother died as a result of one of her poor life choices, our relationship was strained and nonexistent despite physically seeing each other daily. Our relationship has always been difficult, distant and unloving.

Lool they tell you you have Time at 53? Would you like a 33 y.o son when you're 83?

😂

I got that too. Lord, these people are such half-wits!

Exactly! You lose sleep, have more messes to clean up, more mouths to feed, more laundry to do, etc. Whether you're hungry or tired or not, the kid is awake and wants to eat right now and will cry loudly until you feed him or her.They might grow up to be troublesome and disrespectful brats that make your life hell. I see it for the nightmare it is just by observing other people.

They cause insanity, ruin the shape of a mother and the womb is never the same, again.

honestly, it’s all about how you raise them. yes, they’re going to be loud and sometimes annoying but you gotta remember they’re needy as hell as they’re younger. but, once they get to an age when you can start teaching them basic manners and etc, that can really have an outcome on things. it’s also about if you give them things right off the bat, or make them work for it/wait for it. I dont have any kids, this is just coming from my babysitting jobs 😂 I love kids though so I might be biased, but I respect anyone and everyone.

I know a parent and they say it's awesome. They gave a lot of their freedom away for this but as they said, "nature is giving you so much back". I think it is an amazing experience but would you want to have an amazing experience by means of another person? My point is, even if it's not a nightmare, like you described, but a dream, you don't have to put a human into the world to be truly happy.

@shonnett barker Absolutely.

Regards Rei People have told me the same thing. Not only is it a selfish reason, but there’s no guarantee that the child would even be willing or able to take care of me in my old age. I agree having kids should be a calling.

That’s why there’s long term care insurance. That’s a better bet than expecting someone to be willing or able to do it.

All the money you spend on kids can look after you in your old age as well as a kid can. Also, elder abuse by uncaring children is extremely common, even when the kids are raised with all the love and care in the world. People should only have kids if they want them and are prepared to care for them; having them as a retirement plan is an awful strategy (and not fair to the kids).

It is a smart choice to not have kids if you don't want to. But also be responssible for financing your own care in your old age. I know people who have to take care of aunts and uncles because they decided to not have kids but neither did they decide to save for elderly care and are now being an economic burden to nieces and nephews.

Having kids so they can take care of you when you are old is just dumb. You don't know what they will be like when they grow up. They may not want to take care of you, or they may not be able to take care of you. They might be mentally challenged. You may have to take care of them for the rest of your life. There's no guarantees that they will take care of you just because they are your children.

Jules Élan I second this.

I have kids and agree this is one of the reasons. The other reason I can think of is that they feel that they can't relate to that other person as a parent, and also maybe feel like it's making them look less "cool" by being parents. I never ask people when they will have kids, and as a matter of fact, discourage people who are on the fence and discuss the "dark" side of parenting that no one talks about in any sort of serious way.

@@sallys9632 Right. If someone is not sure or are being pressured by others or it just seems they want a child to have someone to love them-I tell them all about all the bad parts of parenthood-especially if doing it with a lazy man-and I hold nothing back. Tell them about spending hours cloroxing a crib because the baby takes off the diaper, about how you can just be going along fine and then all of the sudden there is a pile of vomit in the store. Tantrums, fathers that rarely lift a finger(even if they were the most helpful person before the kids) neverending laundry, a never clean house unless you spend hours a day doing it and stay up late to clean it after everyone is in bed, etc. etc. For women, parenthood is rarely some wonderful thing. And don't come tell me about how kids are the best thing ever. The over 50% unwanted pregnancy rate in this country begs to differ.

@@mandlerparr1 exactly, it is 100x harder for mothers, yet they are the ones who get most of the negative comments when they say they don't want to have kid. Let's not forget the lifetime of anxiety and worry that comes with having your children. Being afraid that anything might happen to them. Once you have them there is no going back from that, and that is a pretty intense commitment even for the least faint of heart. Also, this world is a truly awful place, whether we want to admit it or continue to live in our little bubble, do you really want to bring another person to the world that will just have to suffer through that?

So true. I grew to really hate people who try to talk me into having kids in a very agressive way and keep telling me that having a child is the only way you won't die alone. So these people are having kids so they can have someone by their side on their death bed!? Kids shouldn't be seen as a safety net! OMG!

Excatly ❤️

I feel you. 🌻

*Even though my cat has decided my Christmas tree is a climbing perch, and the other 2 jump up on the table and eat off my plate the moment I get distracted, there is no way they could possibly be badder then kids. I love them very much, and am quite happy with not having kids for years, if ever. Most of the pressure to have kids stopped once I got out of my teens, but it's still there. For my future kids, biological or foster, I refuse to cave unless I'm ready* *P.S. I'm around a lot of Latinos, so that's why I started getting hounded so early*

@Jafrin Khan She had to leave. She was miserable. She did the man and his boys a favor by leaving. I’m also pretty sure she didn’t even truly love them in the first place either. She just couldn’t keep up with the intensive care that the boys needed. Staying around, keeping yourself in their lives at home and staying miserable is the worst possible solution in a situation like this. It hurts everyone involved; including the kids. Even though she did just leave, she did the best thing for everybody in this situation.

@@JafrinKhan-gu5fm She took care of them for years, that was an selfless act, they were not her responsibility!

@@JafrinKhan-gu5fm She was there for 23 years, those kids are over 30 now, they don't need her.

Single moms and single dads are not for people who desire to be childfree. Only a small percentage of those will ever work out. I stopped dating women with kids years ago as there were always issues relating to them not to mention never any privacy (even with grown kids) and of course being second fiddle. Life long cat dad here and loving it.

ProLife evangelical christians will not like that, and they want to make birth control illegal again. But thank God for Margaret Sanger who lead the birth control movement in the 1920s.

@@patricksaxon3983 Oral and anal sex are nature’s birth control. Neither of those will ever be illegal. Neither will contraceptives either. 😘

@@patricksaxon3983 Only if done irresponsibly. 😘😘

I would strongly resent someone saying that it isn't normal to not have kids. Anyone ever heard of something called individuality? The mid 60s actually started a slow movement of not having kids. In 1964, the last year of the boomers, there were 4.1 million births. By 1973 that had dropped to 3 million and didn't spike a whole lot after that (population ratio is what made it increase some) It was people being bombarded by their silent generation parents wanting grandchildren that caused many to fall by the wayside and have kids. I'm 63 and glad I never had kids. No regrets.

I feel you, being Asexual Sex repulsed, people like us are treated like something is wrong with us too

Think you hit the nail on the head.ive heard many women saying 'my life being with a man i hate working and 5 kids for what' people are a wee bit jealous😆

Yeah, I totally agree with that one!

Please, I hope you reported that 'therapist'. People like that make me think therapy is the new snake oil these days. Why should anyone be paid $100+ per hour, no insurance, to 'talk' to someone? It's stupid. That's what tea time is for. I'm glad you didn't cave to the bullies. Good for you! I'm 30 yo woman, child free, and I just bought my first home. It's my dream home. I already know the 'child' comments will start flooding in.

Religion

Idk. That’s what people do I guess. Gossip. People are awful.

Because for the majority of people this is THE SENSE of life !

If you dont mind asking, how old are you, and did you ever regret not having children?

@@4SChris sad

Alecia Hutton you look great for your age!

Amazing mom 🖤

Wish my mom was like that! She says it's my "obligation" to give her grandchildren 😒 that woman is crazy I'm telling you hahaha

You’re an awesome mom!

My dad is an OB/GYN. Tubal ligations are completely irreversible and believe it or not women change their minds a lot. Most often they met somebody they’d like to have kids with and so they come into his office long after they got the procedure done asking if there’s anything he can do to reverse it (there’s not). He has them sign forms of consent and understanding when they’re booked into the procedure, just before the procedure, and immediately after yet they still like to act brand new when they eventually regret it. It’s to the point where he no longer performs them on women who’ve never had kids unless there are extenuating circumstances. Women have tons of other long term birth control options that are covered by insurance (IUD, Nexplanon, etc.) and a vasectomy in terms of simplicity, invasiveness, and permanence is not parallel to tubal ligation at all so I’m not really seeing a double standard here.

I have not changed my mind in 12 years ever since I was a legal adult (honestly since I was a teen).. I think that's enough time to be sure. I don't like the idea of something in my body long term like an IUD nor do I like the idea of taking pills long term (also had side effects from them when I did take them). That's just my preference. I have metal sensitivities and would just rather do a one and done. The double standard comes down to insurance. Why cover men sterilization but not women? It should be my choice. Permanence has nothing to do with it. Also.. when was the last time a man was asked "do you have kids already? ok then you can get a vasectomy. no kids? oh no I can't do that for you" that's the double standard. It shouldn't even be a consideration.

@@chemistryflavored I have not changed my mind in 19 years since I became a legal adult and have never made a yes or no decision. My switch just never flipped. I had 0 dolls as a kid. The urge to bear offspring just has never been there. Now I'll support another child, but bearing my own never hit me. I'm 37.

Yaaasssssss this exactly.

Same here, I can't understand it but I accept it because everyone's brain is different 😂

❤️❤️❤️❤️

I case you visit Senegal let me know. I am a childfree guy.

I'm always like "nah, I learned it's better to pull out than have a shit kid 😘"

I know, right? And they look down on you like they've been blessed with holy superiority over you since they started crapping out kids. And what I definitely hate is the "you don't understand, you're not a parent" speech. As if no one has a parental instinct or moral compass to transcend them in life until they have kids. And you can't convince them otherwise, they just give you a pitying look and smile. I've learned to not bother.

Or the sheer entitlement that some parents exhibit (don’t get me wrong, single/childless people can be like that too but there’s a special sort when they have kids). Like when there was talks that an adult only flight MMMMAAAAAYYYY fly once a week or so from Europe to America and parents lost their damn minds

Or more happy than you. As if havin kids will make u somehow happier lol

They are determined that I haven’t had a certain experience to change me or was raised in a bad situation.

LilHersh Yes, yes you do. You may not realise it, you may justify your reasoning, but deep down, you do. Your justification is extremely shallow btw, you think that what, you either have a family or work at the corporation? What about pursuing your dreams? I’m not a declared child-free person but I’ll definitely fulfil my own ambitions before even thinking about having any. You think being an artist is shallow? Or being a doctor? And that whole idea that the only way you can have a loving family is to have children is just absurd, like there’s still your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, not to mention your loving partner and their own family. Friends can also be a family. You don’t need a miniature human, that requires so much love, attention, patience and time, to have a family. Not everyone can afford kids and I don’t just mean financially. I don’t know if I’ll ever have kids because I’m scared that I’ll not care for them properly and end up being an abuser to them. Is my existence suddenly shallow? Because I don’t want to scar some little humans that never had a say in how they would be brought up to this world?

@@literallygaston2489 Yeah it seems selfish to have kids with the expectation that from day one they will know that they're expected to be free caregivers, is what I hear. It's also a crapshoot

@LilHersh Your happiness is NOT the same happiness as others. We are ALL unique. You assuming that everyone is the same as you IS you wanting to control things. It is you thinking you're the only one who can decide what does or does not make others happy. And, honestly, it's sad that your whole life revolves around you needing to feel right about other people's life choices. The "Period" still remains, and you're just doing a great job of proving my points.

@LilHersh i was born to enjoy my life not to be someone else's caretaker. Both looking after a crouch goblin and working in corporate job sounds like hell. I think I'll continue pursuing my own creative, travel, educational and charitable goals and not stick my nose in anyone else's business. Or is that to 'shallow and meaningless'?

@LilHersh so you think women should have kids cause i can think of many positives of not having children just like i can think of many when it comes to having kids

63, lifelong childfree and no regrets and not lonely because I have no grandchildren. Better health is far more important than that and the lack of stress by having no children contribute to my good health and outlook. I would have made a lousy dad anyways since I'm not fit to be tied.

I'm 50 and happy childfree - just as I always wanted. Ladies... deep relief sigh...that I do not have to think of this topic anymore. I was absolutely sure I don't want children in my life... but still felt like ... ok... I can postpone it, maybe one day I will change my mind. I didn't and don't regret it, and finally I don't have to think of it. Please, don't push yourself, so that you and your unwanted children suffer...

41 living a happy childless stress free life.

I have actually considered using the same "barren" response to my husband's brother, just so he can shut the 🐬 up. It's annoying he always ask when me and my husband are having kids, or ask if i am scared to have children.

My mother recommends that I should tell people this. She says use the phrase "it's not in the cards for us" and let people.draw their own conclusions. Although she did recommend straight up saying we can't to my mother in law 😆

As a woman who actually is barren, it's my favorite go-to response to get people off my back about having kids. The only problem is then they start telling me how sorry they are and how my life must have no meaning now that I'll never be a mother (as if that's the only real way a woman can be fulfilled in life and since I can't be a mother I should basically just kill myself because I have nothing to life for). And if I tell them I'm fine with adopting they recoil in horror as if I told them I murdered their grandmother. "Oh, but it's not the SAME! You can't do that!" Like, do these people not understand how horrible they sound? So you're saying that adopted kids aren't worthy of love as much as any child born into my family? Seriously, fuck these people.

​@@Sajirah It's sad that they are unable to love a child unless the kid shares half of their genome. Adoptive parents are REAL parents, full stop. I've seen a lot of bio-parents that aren't terribly interested in the job...

@@denneyandthejets7833 I wholeheartedly agree. The fact that so many people treat adoption like it's some horrible last resort because they don't think they can love another human being if they don't share their genetics is so awful. Like, you seem to be able to love your significant other or your friends just fine, why not an adopted child??? And you're right. I was born into a family with some pretty fucked up people who either didn't want kids but were pressured into having them or who had kids and then regretted it. I'd rather children be born to families who actually legitimately want them and are ready to care for them instead of people just having them because they think they 'have to'. Otherwise their children are going to pay the price and that's not fair.

Ask anyone who works in a nursing home and they will tell you many residents seldom get any visitors.

@GIRAUD Emmanuelle So many are narcissists who don't deserve visitors. After all who would want to spend the time only to have to see & hear that? My dad was borderline narcissist and then got worse after the divorce and faulted everyone else for what he became---someone who did nothing to better himself and was always feeling sorry for himself. He didn't live long enough to be put in a nursing home as he was 65.

I completely agree. I actually ask on a first date. If a man says he wants kids, there is NO second date and the first date ends right there. In fact I often ask over the phone even before a first date. It is just a deal breaker if two people want different thing. I cringed too hearing that they got married without facing the conversation waaaay before that point. But I suppose if someone is very young and unsure, then the matter is not so pressing or still up for debate (and divorce!)...

I thought the same! How on earth can anyone get married not talking about fundamental views or beliefs. The author seems so rational, but this doesn't fit the picture. Save yourself nightmares and just TALK.

I wasn't married, but I was in a 10 year long relationship, high school sweethearts. I was under the same mindset that someday I would want kids, and my partner and I talked about it all the time! We even planned in having our first child at 25, well 25 came and went and more and more I felt like this was something I did not want! The switch I had been counting on never flipped. So eventually we ended our relationship, other factors included, but wanting children being the biggest issue. I am now in a happy healthy relationship with a man that is totally ok without reproducing ❤

Rossana Motta Maybe not giving them a second chance is not ideal. Sometimes people say they want kids without having really thought about it, just because it’s what everybody else expects of them. They might think about it, realize how much it actually takes to be a parent and how much you need to want it in order to be a good one and change their minds ;)

Yep. My high school boyfriend said he wanted to start right out of high school and I was like, boy bye 👋

Some ppl don't have patience with kids

I'm 38 and never have wanted children. I still hear that I'll change my mind. Nope. It also helps that I'm asexual aromantic and never find anyone outstandingly esthetically pleasing or mentally very interesting to get to the point of anything further anyways. Lol.

That's so nice. I really hope I can find someone who doesn't want kids.

Oh great! Here I was thinking people would let up now that I’m in my 40s. 😆 Well, ill hang in there

That old bag was being disrespectful! I’ve told people “you don’t pay bills in my house” and you know they actually got offended?! Imagine inserting your opinion into someone’s personal decision and getting upset because they tell you off.

Don’t sweat it! Some people are low key miserable and live by a certain stigma so in their mind they feel like having kids is the right thing to do. Just pure ignorance. I’m a 24 year old male and have no desire to have kids. I love my Nephew and niece but I’ll stop there. To be honest I’d rather have a dog lol

Thanks!

People consider being selfish as a bad thing, that is why many people judge child free people, even though it is quite natural to be selfish as we all choose to be when it comes to making choices in life as it's all about us if it benefits our life style and our life style only, selfishness is not always a bad thing if it doesn't affect others, but more often than not , it does ! and that is why many of us are in denial about not being selfish when deep down, we all can be, it's natural and it's in our nature, but it's up to us to not be selfish and consider others, respect, a good person I read is a selfless one.

Change charity

At 40 you can't have one anywAy

@@gta4haterhq yes you can? research buddy

@@darkvioletskull send link, I'm to lazy.

@@gta4haterhq lol my aunt had a child in her late forties. It's not impossible.

@@gta4haterhq You are dumb. My mother had me at 43 and my younger brother at 48. My great aunt got pregnant at 53. Many women give birth past 40. I wouldn't and never will, but many do.

Exactly, well said. And besides, we human beings have what is called free will. We are not biologically programmed to want kids, despite the popular (yet inaccurate) assumption. And I think a lot of society's problems today is because of the pressure to have kids which makes people who never truly desired to be parents unhappy! Kids are human beings too, not tools to make you a "better" or "fulfilled" person and whatnot.

Then be one of those people on the news who completely disregard a kid.

@Diana S I couldn't agree more!

Animals are better than people anyways

@@stratkids Period

"what about giving your parents grandchildren?" lol as though we're giving them a plant right. Like : "Oh yeah mom, I'll give you a kid for your birthday" XD it's crazy!! lolll

ALICE GOLDENVALLEY 😂

I completely agree with this, inaction is better than action when the consequences could harm others.

I agree, and I will add that in the first case she pays for her choice, in the second case, it not only affects the kid, BUT if she was influenced by others, she will resent and blame them forever. Many people choose to be a parent based on family, spouse, society, friend, influences. They won't take responsibility for ruining her life.

@@user-ht9oc7gw1f You are right

AzulFyre yup, and often time it’s total f-ing strangers! 🤬

The worst part to me is that the effin DOCTORS!!! srsly? A woman come to you and says she is ready to be snipped and you are giving her that BS? As if she didnt think about it

Same!

@@ayanomar1408 "are you SURE?" "Nah, I just thought it'd be fun" Is that the answer they're expecting? It's not a tattoo. You didn't drunkenly stammer "YA KNow... ya knOW WHA-waht would be gr-geat! A unicorn tattoo above my asscrack!" No one gets blasted and stumbles into an OBGYN can goes "hey... hey, snip me. I'll be hilarious, c'mon, let's do it." No one is driving around, going "hmm, I already got groceries, don't have to meet my friends until 7... ya know what? Let's get my tubes tied."

@@Yahriel Lol "I'm getting my tubes ties as a prank! lol April fools guys!"

,,so what if you gave birth to me? You wanted that, it wasn’t my choice”

I agree with you, we shouldn’t be pressured to have kids

"Condemned to existence"

Jessica Kristy well said

we've been doing it for thousands of years.

Me too. It's just like saying we are just machines that produced kids. It's not like we have our own desires like a human being or any interest.

@@mattuiop Doesn't mean they enjoy it!

@@mattuiop We've also been shitting for thousands of years. Both are necessary for human survival, neither give purpose to it.

Exactly, it's always about pleasing the interlocutor, not yourself

Im 63 only had one child shes 36 she doesnt want children im very happy about that .she was born with an old head on young shoulders .she never caused me any grief, i always found the other mothers boring , they couldnt talk about anything beyond their struggles of their children and money , it became depressing and negative.

Congratulations on a long successful marriage. I am going on 5 years in a week. I am a 39 year old male. I met my wife when I was 23 but we did not start dating till I was 26. The kid discussion did come up at times but at this point we are content with each other. We might get a dog when we buy our first house. The future is so uncertain with Covid 19 but fingers crossed.

Congratulations im only a teen and i aspire to have a long successful marriage like both of you... i personally LOVE babies and children and I want 6 of my own however I do think that people are really rude when constantly asking others when they want to have kids... it is not you who will be having them so stop being rude 😐

Congratulations .👏👏👏 But for me this kind of life is depressing .

@@rayaris5173 nice backhanded compliment.

Same.

And 25 is a pretty young age♥you shouldn't be even thinking about having kids at the moment i guess! You got a long way ahead girll!♥

@@lillymin8982 Yes plenty of time to find a man, marry him, then divorce him after building the house ! So she could get the whole package ! ;-)

4SChris Ohh that's rude!lets just respect her decision♥

@@lillymin8982 Why rude ??? That's the way to do it for many women ! And men are ok with that !

Have children because of selfishness? How’s is that possible? You are here and talk and think, It's much better than if you weren't there at all, right? Right.

Life Of TReshae this is the best comment!!!!!

Yes! I'm infertile and I've gotten some of the nastiest, most horrible comments from people when they find out I can't have kids. Implying that I'll never be happy or fulfilled simply because I'll never be a mother (as if motherhood is the only thing that makes being a woman worthwhile). I can't imagine how much worse those comments would feel if I'd actually wanted kids. Like, Jesus people, learn some tact.

Congrats on the baby! We’re the same age!

Ariel Hunt I’m so sorry this happens to you. I had a coworker who cried at her desk when another one told us that a “woman is only a woman when she has a baby.” It was the most heartbreaking thing I had seen because she had struggled with infertility and was trying for a baby. We’re the same age, but I consciously chose to be child free, and she had no choice. I wish I would have spoken up to this insensitive person.

Tyler Durden Already have cats so I’m way ahead of you.

Yup. I wanted kids my whole life but my view started changing as I opened my eyes to everything that's going on around us. When people call me selfish, I'm like this is a sacrifice I'm making so I don't have to bring someone else into this world. How am I selfish?

RachLM17 so true. I feel like it’s something that no one talks about. But if our world leaders continue to do nothing, we really should consider the ethical ramifications of continuing to create humans (and forcing our own children) on to a planet where the resources are quickly running out and the climate is becoming more and more erratic. I always saw myself being a mom growing up but stuff like this makes me seriously consider just being a dog mom the rest of my life. Plus, more time to do whatever I want! Lol

Do they still whine?

@@LucareonVee No, my mom gave up when I turned 40. And she got her grandbaby a few years ago from my sister. So everyone is happy.

@@kaleidoscopeeyes1184 Good to hear. 🍻

That's great! I've been told it's impossible to do it.

@@Rosepetal1717 same question

Actually it is possible to do it if that person have psychology reason such as mental illness or something but thats also depends on decision want to cut the tubes or not.

R Alyse That’s if you remove your uterus! Tying your tubes has nothing to do with pre-menopause! :)

God daughter Jesus child That’s only if you remove your uterus! Tying your tubes has nothing to do with pre-menopause! :)

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

Just don't answer or say You are being rude. That should shut them up.

What is it about having children that makes people think the have the right to disrespect other? No one has the right to be rude to you.

🎯

a truly sane response to living in an insane world

Same!

Exactly.

Yep. Kids are my favorite. But I will not create life that didn’t ask to be created. This world is so effed up. We should not even be here.

Exactly. I love children, but I have never cared about whether those children were genetically made of me. That 'recquirement' seems extremely egotistical/selfish to me. People always treat fostering/adopting as a second rate form if parenting ...well how deep is your love if it requires your child being a reflection/replication of you? Can't you love them for themselves instead of their genetics?

I’m exactly the same!

Same!!

Me too!

I plan on being the extra cool auntie that buys alcool for my niece and keep secrets with her from her parents.lool

Cosign 🙋🏾‍♀️ cool aunts FTW 👏🏾

I'm going to give the saleswoman an immense benefit of the doubt that she asked maybe for if you want to have a bed that would withstand little bodies coming to sleep in the bed too at times or something. Otherwise, sounds like a very personal question that doesn't need to be asked. This said. I can deal with being asked if I have children as humans want to know more about others and it IS a commonplace thing to ask. We in America especially are very chatty with each other so I'm not upset by that part. It's if they then follow-up my reply to the negative with "Why not?! Why don't you want kids?!" that I feel a vein in my forehead give a pulse, lol.

People are stupid and often judgemental. Question: who does this more to you, men or women?

Women!! This particular situation the sales lady was very sweet and just trying to make conversation but people need to realize that this is such a personal question. I felt so uncomfortable responding. My husband’s mother and a few of my friends have put the pressure on. No men that I can think of.

I’m 41 and single so I figured I’d aged out of both street harassment and this constant pressure to have kids. LOL! No! It gets WORSE! It’s so annoying. Why can’t people just mind their business?!? Minding their own business is so much work if they’re actually doing it, they don’t have time to be worried about someone else’s business.

@@kts8900 Best comment in this thread.

So the conformists don't feel left out

Like abusing /abandoning children isn't selfish. People need to leave the childfree people alone . Their way of life isn't the only one to lead a life full on happiness. Who are they to tell others what is best for them.

Exactly. Learn from others mistakes.

Good one

As if I wasn't right there witnessing it...

I remember my dad telling me "Ugh, I hope you have kids someday, so you can see what a pain in the ass you are", or "don't have kids". I also hear parents say yeah here's x, y and z about why kids are awful, but they're great and you should have them. Doesn't really sound convincing to me 😂