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We gotta give Kevin a BIG cyber hug bruhs 😎💪🏽🦾

Don’t close yourself off. There are people who are emotionally available out there. Keep doing your thing and one will come your way.

So sorry, Keven. Now this was a crazy twist. I feel sad for all parties involved. As a woman, I can't help myself, but feel very bad for his future wife. She deserves to live in full truth too. She deserves to be fully loved as a woman. Very very sad. P.S. I hope you realize that you are very smart and interesting person, I hope one day you will meet a guy who will be fully comfortable with himself.

My heart literally hurts everytime I hear these kinds of stories. Thank God I stood firm in the face of family and societal pressure, and chose not to deceive any woman. Internalized homophobia truly is a real thing. I hope that he gets the help he needs and I feel it for the woman he's deceiving. I am really sorry that you had to experience this though. But don't lose hope, love and happiness is at the end of the tunnel waiting for you. All of these experiences are just stumbling blocks along the way to build up your resilience. Chin up Keven! Trust the process :)

It's wild how he seemed fully at peace when you knew him years earlier when he must have been struggling. Even though society doesn't really care anymore, so many gay men have a noticeable shame

Wow, I’m so sorry this happened to you… although at the same time I’m so proud of you for trying to reason with him and doing so so articulately in the moment like that as well. *hugs*

I am sorry this happened. A few thoughts. It takes months if not years to get to know someone. From what you have said, you really don't know this guy that well and neither was he your close friend. Do not obsess about people you don't know well and lack integrity, honesty, transparency etc (I am giving myself the same advice now). Take a break from guys for a while. Even the ones you are attracted to, just play it cool and don't go after them. If they want, they will make an effort and pursue you. For what it's worth, I had a rough weekend too. Remember I had a crush on a straight bartender who was giving me mixed and confusing signals? He was flirting with his gf right in front of me in a lewd manner. I was so turned off, bitter, and jealous all at the same time. I am still crushing on him (mentally) knowing it won't go anywhere and I hear he is gay for pay (huh?). I know it sucks. Hang in there. Life as a single gay man is not easy.

This guy is probably going to be one of those married men who are on the apps trying to hook up with guys. It is not right to do that to the woman he is going to marry. There are so many DL guys out there. He's a coward if you ask me. He doesnt sound bi to me. He sounds like a gay man that finds it easier to live a traditional hetero life than to be who he is. He'd rather hurt people and be dishonest than actually just live his true life. I understand there are social and family pressures, but there is so much collateral damage that is done when you live a lie like that. He will find in time that he will not be satisfied with denying his true feelings. And he will also hurt his wife when she finds out the truth one day.

Rejection is God's protection that guy you talked about that is marrying a woman is a looser and is confused and it's a blessing he doesn't want you cause he's a looser and Rejection is God's protection love you kev keep your head up

Haha "I can't do this". Heard that before. They always come back AND they always leave afterwards. Worse is they take parts if you away with them. They are heartless vampires

It was a tough. He will never know the joy of being himself. Regret is a bitch. Woulda, coulda, shoulda will be the thoughts which plague his mind regarding you. The hardest choices we make in life are the one's we do for others while ignoring our own happiness. Free will is beautiful and awful. At least you get to move forward and get the best of life.

I think you should take some time to yourself as this guy is living his life the best way he can & we should be happy for him. So what if people disagree with him,

Being of middle-eastern heritage, its a cultural thing - this man wanting to have a straight life with children. Whats going to happen in the future if he moves ahead and now has a wife and kids, and the feels don't go away.....

This situation has happened to me a few times actually; I have found myself cultivating an emotional connection with a guy who self-discloses as heterosexual and it's quite confusing for me. For certain gays they bask in the glory but for me it's left me at times confused because I can't even find an actual gay guy on an emotional level of that connection haha. What I am working through is what aspect of emotional availability in myself have I not worked through that I'm subconsciously attracting. What about this dynamic seems familiar and how is it related to my personal attachment? Hope this helps man!

Hey Kevin, you are intelligent and wise. You obviously need to be around someone who shares your insights. Marriage is difficult even with forethought.

i kept meeting the wrong guys until i asked myself why I was attracted to them. And i worked on that. Good luck

Aman, canım, this resonates with me a lot. As Annem always told me, never trust another Turk. I even had a friend from Bursa eleven years ago who told me, "Don't trust anyone, not even me." The part that hit the hardest is the generational trauma. It makes my life as a gay man difficult, too. Sometimes I feel that straight people have become more queer than gays. It's almost trendy among them; but, whenever I meet a gay man, it's always the internalised homophobia and the unnecessary fear. It's very sad. I like the point that you made about it amplifying if he continues to hide it. I've had my share of men behind their wives' backs. The last one was in September, in fact. Lol It's not Western society that's the problem any more, it's people not coming to terms with themselves. Geçmiş olsun, canım. Öpüyorum. ❤💖💚

HI KEVEN MAYBE THIS WILL HELP YOU I WAS IN MY 20'S AND I HAVE GONE THROUGH SIMILAR EXPERIENCES LIKE YOU HAD. TAKE IT FOR ME GUYS WILL DEFINITELY LET YOU DOWN IN DIFFERENT WAYS. I HAD A FEW SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS BUT THEY RAN THEIR COURSE. I AM OLDER NOW I STOPPED GOING TO BARS AND I HAVE A COUPLE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS AND MY TWO CATS AND I AM JUST FINE WITH THAT.

I platonic-ally dated a bi-guy who, due to religious issues, would be rock hard in his jeans in front of me, but wouldn't let anything happen. We often went to the beach, we exercised together, we cooked for dinner dates at our places, etc. Three to four days/week for quite some time... He was in "bisexual indecisiveness" (unable to pick a person to go forward with)...we had very long discussions...and he decided that he could only act on his straight urges due to his religion, and I encouraged him to do so., rather than him being in limbo. He married the woman...(I was invited, and went to their wedding) and he eventually divorced...He became an alcoholic to cope with the marriage, and quit during the divorce. He and I are both single, now... In 30 years, he hasn't really changed

You feel that he isn't being true to himself if he married a woman but if he is truly bisexual than if he married a man he would be in the same situation of not being true to himself right? Regardless he should certainly be honest with his partner regardless of gender or sexuality.

I didn't feel this way until my early 40s and would certainly not marry a woman, but as a 46 year old gay man now, I feel a deep disconnection with the typical gay life style. I want a monogomous relationship, I consider myself introverted and not super social and just want a "normal" monogomous partner to spend time with for companionship. The apps can be very discouraging as it seems like all gay men are either in open relationships or just want to hook up, which I have zero interest in and find very dehumanizing. They are also very judgemental and don't engage with you for intelligent conversation but rather because they like the way you look and want to sleep with you and it's often very shallow conversation which I'm not interested in. I have two close straight married guy friends now that are my age that I spend most of my time with. Sometimes I not only need to feel a sense of normalcy but perhaps it's also an escape and way of disconnecting myself from gay culture for the reasons I mentioned. Perhaps this guy you speak of wants away from the gay lifestyle for the same reasons. While I agree marrying a woman is very extreme, some gay men want a monogomous relationship and a family and a sense of normalcy so badly, they are willing to go to these extremes. I understand it a lot more now than I would have ten years ago after 25 years of navigating gay dating and trying to make quality friends with very little to no success.

That guy won't be able to close his "gay chapter"- it does not happen. This tail will be following him for the whole his life. He will probably have side boys later on once he settles down with his marriage. He won't pass that marriage "test" (as he allegedly phrased it)...I know it, you know it...and he doesn't. But ....! remember, this type of guys are guys of higher risk ...so don't look at this as a total failure. He would probably mess your life up at later stage if you both decided to become a gay couple.

Good for him leaving behind a soul destroying gay scene where you meet a$$hole and s@umbags on apps & at bars. Have go nowhere dates all your youth and end up alone in your old age. Hope his marriage works and he has kids.

Very painful experience no matter how you try to analyze it. So sorry this happened to you.

Empathetically, this is what I’ve would have said to him: “Gays deserve to feel love and be loved by someone else. That’s part of the struggle I am expressing tonight. Turkey is beginning to be open to homosexuality, especially trans. There is no way you can run away from it in our world today. I’m happy for you on your journey, and hope everything turns out good. Just don’t deny your true sexual orientation. Don’t suppress how you feel. I can only wish you the best. 💋 (that 5-10 minute smooch)”

If you think the Kinsey Scale is valid, then you have to accept that some people are just Kinsey Twos, however much we want them to be a Kinsey Six. Some people are able to navigate that sexual terrain. All choices have consequences, and we can think they're lying to themselves, but if someone thinks they can rationalize this choice even with the consequences we have to accept it. Where I have some concern is when someone is lying to a partner (fiancee or wife). Unless the marriage is completely honest, it is doomed. I once had a (str8) friend call me in a panic because he'd gotten engaged and he didn't really want to be. He had dated this girl in college and for years after and she kept nudging him toward an engagement and he submitted simply because it was the next step. He confessed to me he wasn't really committed to a marriage. He just thought a long engagement would shut her up a while and he could, if circumstances changed, end it later. The panic was that as soon as she had the ring she was off and running, looking for venues, caterers, cake designers, wedding dresses, etc. I told him it would be messy and painful, but the only mature course of action was honesty. Instead, he chose to withhold attention and make her as miserable as possible until she ended the engagement, which was considerably more messy and painful than it needed to be. That may be your friend's fate, but sometime, all you can do is offer your best advise and let them deal with the consequences of their choices. Hope that helps, but concede it probably doesn't.

Your Turkish friend was reaching out to you to maintain a friendship as you departed. Contact him now to continue your friendship. He will probably be receptive to you in the near future. Keep the door open.

So many mixed thoughts on that one. Especially concealing the information with his female companion. It’s the lack of transparency that’s maddening to me, but just keep pushing forward. One has to be just really sad for the female spouse as he is not fully giving all of himself to her, if she truly knows nothing. I just would rather live authentically, as it must be internally painful not living comfortably in ones skin. It would be so had to be “present” when your reconciling all those things in your mind. I have been navigating the apps here in Seattle and haha 😳💀 . I see so many men discreet with female partners and no judgment but slight judgement for putting others health at risk. Perhaps the bar in my mind ought to be lowered but to me it’s hard meeting men organically albeit I’m know there are better (more catered apps) if I am searching for a more solid foundation. Grindr and Scruff are so convenient but yield an emptiness/ vapid feeling to them. The universe/ this whole thing we call life & love is weird. I will get off my soap box. It’s simultaneously laughable but then soul draining. I don’t have the proper adjective there is to describe it.

Some people want to live a certain lifestyle when they are younger then see themselves moving into a different phase later on in life. The mistake you made was going in for another kiss, you should have drawn a line there and headed home.

I'm bi but I wanna give you a hug so bad.

He is struggling and should have told you so but he couldn’t cause he’s trying to figure it out. He’s probably bi and needs to work that out with his wife. Some couples are bi swingers. I hope he figures it out. 🎃

I didn’t know that you were Turkish well I know that Turkey is European I just thought you were regular American

Given your Turkish heritage, were your parents surprised/upset at your sexuality or OK with it?

Mate i feel so sorry for you the guy is clearly mixed up about his sexuality. Maybe he feels he has to conform because off his heritage. One day you will meet a guy and fall in love kevin

Maybe he's an undercover gay 🙃 Maybe he got a lot of pressure from his family to get married and produce kids which convinced him to take that kind of decision. One thing is for sure, he's lying to himself if he thinks this will work with the wife, one day or another he will feel miserable in that relationship, so he will end up cheating on her with guys and she will be stuck with kids living that life of having this husband that was only with her for reproductive purposes. Maybe I watch too many movies, but that's what I see in my cards. One thing is for sure, at this point, there is nothing you can do about it and it's not your fault, it's his life choice. Thank you for sharing this uncommon experience.

Is this a fairly common thing you have noticed for men to go back in the closet? Do you think he became more religious or into Turkish tradition since the time you knew him?

I don't understand if he is trying to be secretive why he wore the ring in the bar and shared all that info w u

I think this is not per se a problem with gay guys, I think this is a problem with men in general. I mean, just because a guy is straight doesn't mean he's going to be great to the woman in his life. As gay men we can see it from both angles, and I actually feel bad for women sometimes because a lot of men period are just not great in their relationships. Not that women necessarily are either, of course. So I'm not trying to pick on one gender or the other, because both can be either good or bad. I guess my main point is-- don't just attribute it to a guy being gay, because he can be straight and still deceive his wife just as easily

Okay, so i love the costume! And as for this guy, I sense deceit. But that's just my opinion.I really dislike when ppl play games! I personally dnt find conforming attractive!

So you are Turkish?

Wow thats crazy. Does he come off as obviously gay to you? He previously identified as gay not bisexual right? Do you think he's going to live a DL life now?

It's so sad that's these men ruin their lives and the new wife's life too. Religion is the worst thing ever on this planet. I'm soo sorry this guy played you. He will regret his plan on faking a straight marriage and most likely will return to the gay bars on the side or hopefully wake up and realise he should have chosen you!! Best of luck, stay strong🤗💗

You ran into someone that you used to know in a bar. Fine. Happens all the time. Then you play the "wanna get out of here?" game. Again, happens all the time. However, when he told you that he was engaged to be married to a woman and that he wanted a wife, kids, and a more traditional lifestyle, you should have walked away. But you didn't. You tried to force your sexuality on him because you liked him. He might be gay. He might not be. It's his business. Not yours. How he may or may not treat his future wife has nothing to do with you. "People have a right to who they want, even if who they want is not you" ---Judge Lynn Toler