“I’m Like A Receptionist For My Mind” - Steven Wright, After A Few Cups Of Coffee

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Күн бұрын

Legendary comedian Steven Wright makes his first appearance on The Late Show, much to the delight of superfan Stephen Colbert. Watch as they talk about everything from Johnny Carson to Jesus, and how coffee helps ignite Steven’s joke-writing process. Steven Wright’s first book, “Harold,” is available now.
#Colbert #StevenWright #Harold #Books #Coffee
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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.

Пікірлер: 1 200

@TheWorld_2099 5 ай бұрын

“Jesus loves you because he doesn’t know you” That is the single greatest punchline in history.

@ChubbyUnicorn 5 ай бұрын

That Korean father is straight up savage.

@DynaGirl2000 5 ай бұрын

I’d buy that bumper sticker.

@TheWorld_2099 5 ай бұрын

@@DynaGirl2000 for sure..!

@TheWorld_2099 5 ай бұрын

@@ChubbyUnicorn 😂

@rhaegarrubey4488 4 ай бұрын

I enjoyed the entire interview, but that one made me laugh 😂

@ComaDave 5 ай бұрын

"I stayed up late last night, playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."

@tr7b410 5 ай бұрын

Brilliant

@chris...9497 5 ай бұрын

I remember hearing that one when it was fresh!

@verified.my2cents 5 ай бұрын

A national treasure..."I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?"

@madnessbydesign1415 5 ай бұрын

CLASSIC! :)

@vickiep4217 5 ай бұрын

Similar to a joke I once heard a doctor telling ( in a pub, after a few drinks!)... The doctor sees his patient on his round. "Mr Jones, I have bad news and good news" "Give me the bad news first" "We amputated the wrong foot first, but still had to remove your other one I'm afraid" "Oh my god. What possible good news could there be?" "The guy in the next bed wants to buy all your shoes".

@sungear 4 ай бұрын

I haven't heard that one and it's great. It's especially good because it doesn't require perfect delivery, it's funny all by itself.

@johnsrabe 4 ай бұрын

Before you criticize a man, you should walk a mile in his moccasins. That way you’ll be a mile away, and he can’t chase you because he won’t have any shoes.

@simonbartolomeo8548 5 ай бұрын

“My uncle was a clown for the Ringling Brothers Circus, and when he died, all of his friends went to the funeral in one car.” - Steven Wright 🤣

@alq2868 5 ай бұрын

“I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize”. A true genius and great guy.

@LisaKBradley 5 ай бұрын

Some people don't know the difference they make. I was 17, driving cross country alone, scared and having a really bad day. When I finally got to a hotel, I turned on the TV. Steven Wright was on and I laughed and laughed... and felt so much better. Thank you for the joy!

@jhandle4196 4 ай бұрын

Since smiling causes serotonin to be released into one's brain, it makes you feel better even if you don't mean it.

@darlenelarochelle4011 4 ай бұрын

Glad you made that hotel on that trip! Found some "comfort food" to enjoy. May all your road trips go well in the future. 😊

@darlenelarochelle4011 4 ай бұрын

@@jhandle4196 Yes. Act happy and you often end up actually happy. Usually turns out better to act happy than grouchy. Everyone else enjoys you more.

@nonayoung8177 3 ай бұрын

that’s a very cool story

@rfichokeofdestiny 10 күн бұрын

I thought that was the beginning of a Steven Wright joke.

@ScottWorthington 5 ай бұрын

"Everything is within walking distance ... If you have the time."

@bretEdwards 5 ай бұрын

One of Wright's golden oldies: "Walked into a restaurant that had a sign saying, 'Breakfast any time.' So I ordered French toast during the renaissance."🤣

@cathyleatherman3097 5 ай бұрын

Perfect !

@Mary-oc5ns 5 ай бұрын

I remember it as French toast in the Middle Ages

@theodore6548 4 ай бұрын

Memory is fallible. It was in fact "the Renaissance." @@Mary-oc5ns

@DanielHBuchmann 4 ай бұрын

they stole that line in Swingers

@Have_A_Nice_Day242 4 ай бұрын

Why do we park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?

@randyfisher5056 5 ай бұрын

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried". Pure genius.

@dysamoria Ай бұрын

That one was him? That has been stored in my head for decades and I thought it came from a comic.

@cheknfaks 5 ай бұрын

"I put spot remover on my dog and now he's gone" ..stuck in my head🤪

@beverlystewart1096 5 ай бұрын

I was just thinking that! And he would act like he was moving a chair and yell Go on through! Or pull his shirt out and yell I’ll be right in into his chest. Love him!

@wandamundy1759 5 ай бұрын

Steven Wright: "You can't have everything. Where would you put it ?"

@yogab 5 ай бұрын

Oh man, I love that joke! Didn’t know that was him that said that! What a legend!

@MonkeyJedi99 5 ай бұрын

@@yogab one that has stuck with me is, "I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.'"

@Grace1957- 5 ай бұрын

What do you add to instant water.

@rorajoey 5 ай бұрын

"I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it."

@beenaplumber8379 5 ай бұрын

After seeing Steven Wright in the 80s I bought a decaffeinated coffee table.

@AvidCat5000 5 ай бұрын

My favorite Steven Wright joke: "My grandfather once asked me how old I was. I told him I was 5. He said at your age I was 6. Then he cackled madly and threw a wooden spoon at the wall. He was an odd man." Genius.

@lizardkyng 5 ай бұрын

My favorite Wright bit When I was a kid we had a sand box.....it was a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually...

@darlulittledeer3738 5 ай бұрын

YES!

@RetroDawn 2 ай бұрын

The best!

@laalaa99stl 5 ай бұрын

For some reason, the Steven Wright joke I remember even after all these years is the bit where he has this cute dental hygienist and, to prepare for his cleaning, eats an entire bag of Oreo cookies.

@thewriteplaceforme6874 5 ай бұрын

Did that get turned into a scene in Seinfeld?

@Chucanelli 5 ай бұрын

I love that one! The one that stuck with me is “Everywhere is within walking distance if you’ve got the time.”

@thebagelsproductions 5 ай бұрын

"One time my grandmother gave me 5 dollars and said 'don't tell your parents' " - "I said 'that'll cost ya more than 5 dollars ' "

@anneahlert2997 5 ай бұрын

"If you're driving at the speed of light... And you turn your headlights on... Will they do anything?"

@TheRealMrNixon 5 ай бұрын

Someone broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact replicas.

@guyrose6602 5 ай бұрын

"99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name" - Steven Wright

@bretEdwards 3 ай бұрын

OMG🤣.KILLING ME that is comedy genius

@DonVideoGuy007 3 ай бұрын

@guyrose6602 - My brother is a lawyer and likes all of Steven's jokes, except for the one you just quoted 😂🤣. Steven's non sequitur line of dark humor: "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize" always amuses me because of it's absurdity.

@spritals 5 ай бұрын

What a great comedian! One liner that stuck with me, “Why do they call them apartments, when they build em all together?” 🤯 😂 🤣

@LazyIRanch 5 ай бұрын

Also, why do we drive on Parkways, but we park in driveways?

@robspiess 5 ай бұрын

Both of those are Gallagher. Another funny 80s comedian: "Why do we call them 'buildings' when they're done building them. Oughta call 'em 'builts'." "Cargo goes by ship. A shipment goes by truck. You have a 'pair of panties', but just one 'bra'." "Why do they call it a 'TV set' when you only get one?" "Teacher said we were gonna learn to read, and our first word was 'big'. Oh boy! She put three letters on the chalkboard and said it was big. I said, 'hey, that's little'. She said, 'no, this is little' and wrote a word that was twice as big. I said to myself, 'this is gonna be hard...'"

@judywalton9381 5 ай бұрын

"I went to a restaurant that offered breakfast anytime. I ordered French toast in the Renaissance."

@luciamiller1555 5 ай бұрын

That’s my FAVE: French toast in the renaissance 😂😂😂❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉

@spritals 4 ай бұрын

@@luciamiller1555 yes!

@asterix7842 5 ай бұрын

“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I’m afraid of widths.” - Steven Wright

@72marshflower15 4 ай бұрын

Another round of bread and circus..

@TriciaDeBary 2 ай бұрын

'I had a pony named Nikki!'

@laalaa99stl 5 ай бұрын

"Jesus loves you because he doesn't know you." Writing that one down. ✏😆

@TheBarbarianGamer 5 ай бұрын

Forget coffee, I bet he'd be sidesplitting on weed.

@janlee6455 5 ай бұрын

He just said he loves it...I think. And I do bet he loves weed too !!!!!! Lol

@hahamasala 5 ай бұрын

My stand-up joke about Jesus is... "I have this problem... I was raised Hindu and Jesus loves me, but I don't love Jesus, and I'm not sure how to tell him. I can't pray to him. But don't worry, I do like Jesus. And it's great that we share the same complexion."

@user-sv9nb8ky2t 5 ай бұрын

@@janlee6455 Why not both, I'm retired and get to wake and bake every morning

@donedwards5301 5 ай бұрын

I'm thinking I should make that into a t-shirt. Of course with it as a quote giving the credit where it is due.

@FurtiveSkeptical 5 ай бұрын

"Ever get that feeling where you lean back in your chair, and you feel like you're almost gonna fall over?..." " I feel that way all the time." -Steven Wright

@markherring3513 5 ай бұрын

By wearing two different thicknesses of socks at the same time

@774kblake 5 ай бұрын

That's one of my all time favorites- here's another one; "Some people are afraid of heights...I'm afraid of widths!"

@markherring3513 5 ай бұрын

@@774kblake I went to the store to buy a shirt...the sales lady asked me what size I wear..I said extra medium.

@bettyriley7295 5 ай бұрын

That is precisely the way that I feel whenever I smoke weed.

@FurtiveSkeptical 5 ай бұрын

@@markherring3513"I think I'm having a case of Deja Vu and amnesia all at the same time..."

@paulferranti8536 5 ай бұрын

“ There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.”

@fredceely 5 ай бұрын

Wright is a genius. Here's another old favorite of mine: the other day I made instant coffee in a microwave oven. I almost went back in time.

@ravenwolf7128 5 ай бұрын

LOL

@abbyweinberg 5 ай бұрын

Epic

@mdemers767 5 ай бұрын

I think that might be my favorite of all time. It blows peoples' minds.

@leannsanford906 5 ай бұрын

One of mine too! I was going to post it, but saw yours ❤😂

@charliekopp443 5 ай бұрын

0ne Steven Wright joke that sticks with me is: “I think it’s wrong that only one company sells Monopoly”.

@travis_thompson 5 ай бұрын

" I told my girlfriend I was going out, she asked for how long, I said the whole time"

@robstimson4234 5 ай бұрын

' l bought a humidifier and a dehumidifier and put them in my living room. Figured l'd let them duke it out.' A master of the absurd!

@abbyweinberg 5 ай бұрын

Classic

@silentjay01 4 ай бұрын

This one was one of my dad's all-time favorite jokes by any comedian.

@pywaketpilot 4 ай бұрын

"I added wax to the humidifier, and now my room is all shiny".

@phorestpsy 4 ай бұрын

ive actually done this... but they had thermohygrometers so the humidifier would go on when it dropped below 40 percent. And the dehumidifier when it went above 45. Was for regulating my reptile room, but nonetheless I did find humor in the notion of running two devices that perform an opposite function

@robstimson4234 4 ай бұрын

@@phorestpsy My neighbor, Bryan Suson, has a mess of reptile rooms.

@hbailie9115 5 ай бұрын

I'll never forget when I saw him live & he was playing his guitar, and suddenly started bouncing the spotlight off it into the audience. Then deadpanned, "It didn't do that when I bought it." The level of intelligence to suddenly come up with things like that is astounding.

@tomifost 5 ай бұрын

"Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories."

@steve8918 5 ай бұрын

"I like to reminisce with people I don't know. Granted, it takes longer..."

@fatsuperfly 4 ай бұрын

I always feels like he wants laugh,😂 it’s better to make jokes that you enjoy, ppl will follow. He’s hilarious, i started getting into him a few years ago. I love when he does interviews.

@EmpyreanLightASMR 4 ай бұрын

You know how you know this man is a legend? Whenever a comedian comes on a late night show, people will write what the comedian said in the clip in the comments below. This is the first time I've seen people posting what someone's said for the past several decades. Amazing. One of the funniest comment sections ever, period. All written by Steven.

@mochachaiguy 4 ай бұрын

Agreed! this is a great read... my eyes awe watering 🤣

@musiclover9361 4 ай бұрын

"My Grandma said, come here Steven: here's ten dollars and don't tell your mother. I said, it'll cost you more than that." Laugh? I thought I'd need an ambulance! 😂

@TimE-vj9bq 5 ай бұрын

I love his joke about naming his dog stay....'come here, stay..'

@SouthCountyGal 5 ай бұрын

I'm fond of the one where he was going to walk his dog across the country, get back home and tell him "that's it, you're done." I think about it whenever I have to walk my dog in the rain.

@andrewvelonis5940 5 ай бұрын

I watch this on KZfaq over breakfast. I was just about to take a sip of coffee when he said "I like to read music and listen to books." My hand just stopped while picking up the mug and I froze with it half way to my mouth and stayed that way for a full five seconds.

@amusicment4829 5 ай бұрын

Yes, great mind 😊

@ammaleslie509 5 ай бұрын

That one got me too. I just froze in contemplation for a while

@the_failed_states 5 ай бұрын

The Steven Wright jokes that stuck with me: There is a light switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. I was flicking it on and off the. I got a call from a woman in Germany telling me to cut it out. My house is powered by static electricity. When I want to make toast I have to rub a ballon on my jumper.

@steve8918 5 ай бұрын

I use that first one on people all the time, and they think I'm being serious until I get to the punch line. My wife rolls her eyes every time I start telling it.

@geekishgir 5 ай бұрын

This is the one I remember the most as well!

@radstar2185 5 ай бұрын

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory, it was great but you couldn't park anywhere near the place

@askingwhy123 5 ай бұрын

"It's a shame that whole families can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs."

@m1l1t1am1ke 4 ай бұрын

Hahahahaha

@peeweespanties 4 ай бұрын

That's Jack Handey, one of his Deep Thoughts.

@cc1k435 8 күн бұрын

Definitely Jack Handy, but I see how you got there. 😂😂

@marthabussell1848 5 ай бұрын

My favorite Steven Wright, "I used to make ice cubes, but I lost the recipe."

@jimmyjam-vc6rf Ай бұрын

I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to mix it with

@JenHoegeman 5 ай бұрын

“Sometimes you can’t hear me because I’m (in parentheses).” This guy is golden. One of the few comedians that can make both my father and I bust up together again and again. Thanks for procuring those happy moments. I’m betting Harold is best served as an audio book. I can’t wait to hear it.

@jamesmcinnis208 4 ай бұрын

He makes I laugh, too.

@chris...9497 5 ай бұрын

Been a fan of Steven Wright for decades. Just now realizing how much I miss him. Remembering his joke about having been born Caesarian, how it hasn't affected him much, but that he always leaves a house through the window.

@luciamiller1555 5 ай бұрын

I LOVE that 😂❤🎉😂❤🎉

@derekdbyrne7487 4 ай бұрын

One of the lesser known jokes of his that I’ve long remembered as well. 👍🏽😂

@weary1 4 ай бұрын

You make it sound like he has passed away. He is still very much alive and kicking.

@chris...9497 4 ай бұрын

@@weary1 No, he's just fallen off my radar, and I had overlooked his absense in my life. Nothing to do with him, all my fault and definitely my loss. I'm glad I still have opportunity to appreciate him.

@kilroy987 5 ай бұрын

"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums."

@h7opolo 5 ай бұрын

Omg, lmfao, that "electric chair" joke was delivered in the perfect deadpan manner mastered only by comedic legends of eras past.

@bernr2877 5 ай бұрын

One of the funniest comedians ever. Glad to see him still making this world a happier place!

@stefanschleps8758 5 ай бұрын

Master of the "deadpan delivery".

@harper7509 5 ай бұрын

FLUSH

@ianthesoccerref 5 ай бұрын

Wondering what the reaction from the band was for the "read music and listen to books."

@igorschmidlapp6987 5 ай бұрын

@@ianthesoccerref They reacted somehow, since he pointed to them. Made me curious, too.

@TheZotmeister 5 ай бұрын

And smaller, bringing us together. ...Still wouldn't want to paint it, though.

@bunkee2009 5 ай бұрын

Pay Attention Grasshoppers, This is How to Be an Outstanding Comedian Without Offending Anyone! Thank You Steven Wright!

@canadaclaret 5 ай бұрын

I am sure some Jesus lovers would find offence.

@madnessbydesign1415 5 ай бұрын

@@canadaclaret I'm Christian, and I thought it was pretty funny... :)

@canadaclaret 5 ай бұрын

@@madnessbydesign1415 Stephen is Christian, too. He's Catholic, which is like O.G. Christian. I didn't say they would all be offended, just some. The self-righteous holier than thou types. You know the kind that are all anti-gay but usually secretly gay. The kind that take offence to show how upright they are. It's a good joke and most people would agree. I'm just responding to the idea that nobody would be offended by Wright, which I think might be an over-statement.

@madnessbydesign1415 5 ай бұрын

@@canadaclaret Oh, I understand. And I agree that the most 'offended' are typically the most guilty. I just like to remind people that not all of us are self-righteous douchebags, screaming about "God hates X". Some of us actually enjoy a good joke... :)

@DMBaby427 5 ай бұрын

He needs to do the Colbert Questionnaire!!! The answers would be epic!

@gandhiangles3213 5 ай бұрын

I was thinking the same thing.

@lisam9233 5 ай бұрын

YES!

@silentjay01 4 ай бұрын

Please, yes.

@marygoodson4920 4 ай бұрын

Yes!!!

@LowskBowski 5 ай бұрын

I had the the honor of seeing Steven and Mitch Hedburg perform in the same night.

@SouthCountyGal 5 ай бұрын

Have you recovered yet?

@kitcoffey7194 5 ай бұрын

Wow!

@ChubbyUnicorn 5 ай бұрын

🤯❤

@Bushman9 5 ай бұрын

I’m envious

@aignemakerofchase 5 ай бұрын

Wow, what an honor

@d-not_telling 5 ай бұрын

“I like to tease my plants. I water them with ice cubes”

@Hukkinen 2 ай бұрын

This is a good trick in practice too, if the plant soil is dry and you need to slow it down to let it soak in rather than fall straight through to the table ruining it

@longjohn526 5 ай бұрын

No one thinks like Steven Wright, he's just on a whole other plane of existence from the rest of us

@cathyleatherman3097 5 ай бұрын

I’ve always loved his humor

@colsonbarnhart9086 5 ай бұрын

"I got a paranoid golden retriever, he brings back everything cause he isn't sure what I threw."

@samludu5916 5 ай бұрын

One of my favorite mindbending "jokes"of his: "What's another word for thesaurus?"

@marshalbaek5580 4 ай бұрын

Ahahaha! So fricken clever!

@72marshflower15 4 ай бұрын

American media is a psyop.. It’s low IQ escapism..

@DKMKartha108 4 ай бұрын

What about: "is there a synonym for synonym ?

@RandyHall324 5 ай бұрын

Actually got to see Steven Wright at Ding Ho's way back in the '80's - a true original and funny as hell.

@ammaleslie509 5 ай бұрын

I used to live near the Ding Ho in Inman Square. They used to have comedy and live music at night. Never ate there but did hear bands play there.

@CarlosRubinstein 5 ай бұрын

"I went to a museum of children's art. It was all up on refrigerator doors."

@pdjhh 5 ай бұрын

My favourite was when he bought a house in the middle of the freeway. It was nice but he had to leave his drive at 70mph.

@markherring3513 5 ай бұрын

And he yelled at people to get the hell out of his driveway,

@RetroDawn 2 ай бұрын

I remember the one where he accidentally put his car key in the door of his apt and the building started up. So he took it for a drive. It's my best remembered of his bits. That's not the whole thing but it does have him parking it on the expressway. Definitely go hear him do it all again! I never heard him do the bit you wrote, but it's very similar.

@RetroDawn 2 ай бұрын

@@markherring3513 That was the end of the joke I just wrote about.

@markherring3513 2 ай бұрын

@@RetroDawn I know.

@ksrt2654 5 ай бұрын

I’ve rarely seen Stephen laugh as hard as he at that Jesus joke.

@mj8495 5 ай бұрын

Jesus only loves you because he doesn't know you 😂

@masterofallgoons 5 ай бұрын

He laughed so hard he choked. Thats no small feat.

@RagtimeAnnie 5 ай бұрын

That WAS "Comedy Gold" right there - Loved it.

@rhymeswithsomethingy4766 5 ай бұрын

As a Catholic, he couldn't help himself 😂🤣

@masterofallgoons 4 ай бұрын

@@markconforti7614 - he meant Colbert (hence the 'ph') but Steven Wright also laughed quite a bit in his recent interview/podcast with Bill Burr . Another one worth checking out.

@Girlinmanhattan 5 ай бұрын

This is the first time in the history of watching Stephen Colbert that I immediately started to search for a book his guest came to promote.

@JP51ism 5 ай бұрын

*"I like to skate on the other side of the ice.”* I'm glad to see him.

@CoryDrummer 5 ай бұрын

“The other day I... uh, no, that wasn’t me.” - Steven Wright

@vladpadowicz5946 3 ай бұрын

That was one of my favorites that I used all the time... still do 😂

@dysamoria Ай бұрын

OHHH I remember that one!!!!!!

@bradstewart7007 28 күн бұрын

The inverse of “About four years ago I…wait, no, it was yesterday.”

@MiTmite9 5 ай бұрын

To my mind, Wright's best joke ever is: "I plan to live forever. So far, so good."

@CaliforniaBushman 5 ай бұрын

"So, I turned the key in my apartment door and it started right up. So I decided to drive it around for a little while. A cop pulled me over, said where do you live? I said right here." - Steven Wright

@_LifeOfReilly 5 ай бұрын

“My friend is a radio DJ. When he walks under bridges, you can’t hear him talk.”

@jamesdakis826 5 ай бұрын

Steven Wright is a comic genius. "I'm going to get a full-body tattoo...only taller."

@laschfan 5 ай бұрын

"I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, “Have you got anything I’d like?” Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, “Extra medium.”

@sevenirises 5 ай бұрын

It's so good to see Steven Wright again after all these years. Great comedian and always loved his sense of humor and timing. Can't wait to read his book.

@dresinss 5 ай бұрын

First off, my last name is severine so I thought we were related for a second... Totally watch Louis CKs Horace and Pete. It's about a dive bar that's been handed down through generations. A lot of the show is just the conversations between the regulars who come into the the bar. One of em is Steven Wright, who is always there drinking water that they pour out of a Jameson bottle. Then they do this episode where Horace and Pete basically play their parents back in the 70s. All the regulars are different, but Steven is still sitting at the end of the bar looking the same age.

@dresinss 5 ай бұрын

And Alan Alda plays an old school homophobe/racist... Must see.

@sevenirises 5 ай бұрын

@@dresinss Thanks for that suggestion. I will watch it.

@SallyBrown-ss5xv 5 ай бұрын

He used to really crack me up before anyone else knew who he was. The deadpan delivery is classic.

@retsub3 5 ай бұрын

@@dresinss - Yes! A rare and _brilliant_ show. I forgot our guy was in it. Thanks for the reminder, I'm overdue for a rewatch.

@PaulGuest911 5 ай бұрын

What a spectacular person to give the Colbert Questionert! Please have him back for it, we need to KNOW Steven…

@oliviasimonich2386 5 ай бұрын

Hadn't heard from him in years. So happy that he's still around. Loved his deadpan delivery. 3:07

@pollyesther 5 ай бұрын

What a fabulous segment! It's so lovely to see him again. There are far too many of his one-liners that I adore, but my all-time favourite might actually be: "I just bought a packet of powdered water, and I don't know what to add." 😆

@jimmycarbajal2598 5 ай бұрын

My favorite Steven Wright one liner was: "I know when I'm going to die, my birth certificate has an expiration date on it".

@vampirelogan 5 ай бұрын

Some of my favorites are: One day I took my dog for a walk. I just kept walking until I crossed half of the state. Then I looked at him and said, "Ok, now you're done." I put spot remover on my dog and now he's gone. I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

@SouthCountyGal 5 ай бұрын

Everything that comes out of this man's mouth is brilliant. The best thing about his comedy is its intelligence; there is always a little pause after his delivery while the audience catches up. I've been a fan since I first heard him in the late '80s, and I never get tired of his material. He makes his audiences work -- between the mind contortions, philosophical deep thought exercises, and abdominal workout from laughing, you go home exhausted!

@llkeithh 5 ай бұрын

Have a few favorite one-liners of his, but one that sticks out is, "I just bought a cordless extension cord."

@beatmydrum 5 ай бұрын

Steven Wright was my favorite male comedian of the 80’s and I’ve laughed that hard again watching this interview! Please have him on the show more often! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🤣🤣🤣

@EmpyreanLightASMR 4 ай бұрын

There is a TON of his stuff on youtube, including amazing interviews with Craig Ferguson

@corscorp 5 ай бұрын

Stephen missed a great joke by not pointing out that Wright has an unnecessary extra letter.

@jpdemer5 5 ай бұрын

_At least_ one...

@FurtiveSkeptical 5 ай бұрын

Technically, the "T" at the end of Colbert would also fit that criteria.🤔

@PhreneticPhreak 4 ай бұрын

I know, right?

@carolz5090 5 ай бұрын

Great how Stephen (ph balanced) adjusted his energy and pacing to Steven’s and leaned into the awkward pauses. Beautiful!

@wakygee 5 ай бұрын

I hope he drinks a lot more coffee, writes another book, and is back on the show really soon

@cathyleatherman3097 5 ай бұрын

Me too !

@Davett53 5 ай бұрын

I love his surreal way of thinking.

@mdaddy775 5 ай бұрын

Surreal but still relatable and enjoyable for all ❤

@Davett53 5 ай бұрын

@@mdaddy775 Absolutely!

@CaliforniaBushman 5 ай бұрын

"I have a map. Actual scale. One mile equals one mile". - Steven Wright

@phishfearme2 Ай бұрын

spent an entire year folding it

@iseewhatyoudidthere1245 5 ай бұрын

"I have a sea shell collection. I keep it scattered all over the beaches of the world." 😄

@ToilYTrouble 5 ай бұрын

My favorite from back in the day was when he said he put his car key in his house and drove it around for a little bit ….. so good

@carlamalick6831 5 ай бұрын

Such a pleasure to see Steven Wright on your show. Please invite him back.😊

@thomasthompson5613 5 ай бұрын

Steven is great, But Stephen's "Lot of people would love to see me dead" bit was golden.

@bobxyzp 5 ай бұрын

Colbert’s improv and off the cuff skills are insane, that’s what makes him such a great host

@plev10 5 ай бұрын

@bobxyzp It sure as hell isn't his relentlessly unfunny limousine liberal lectures masquerading as jokes.

@jpdemer5 5 ай бұрын

@@plev10 Triggered much? LMAO!

@MB-mh6xv 5 ай бұрын

@@plev10You poor person.

@vincentjohnflorio 5 ай бұрын

@@plev10 Get some rest.

@EwokPanda 5 ай бұрын

That "electric" bit is the first time I've uncontrollably laughed out loud in front of my computer in a long time.

@davidthomson1529 5 ай бұрын

Same.

@jpdemer5 5 ай бұрын

And a few minutes later, it happened again: "Jesus loves you ... because he doesn't know you."

@jeffschoening7049 5 ай бұрын

Same here

@drzarkov39 5 ай бұрын

I heard the electric chair bit years ago by Henry Youngman.

@katiethien3900 5 ай бұрын

Wright has always been brilliant!

@wendelynanderson9517 5 ай бұрын

I’ve been a Steve Wright fan since the 80s. Now hearing his view on coffee I love him even more. “Everything is within walking distance if you have the time.”

@larryhorsman4226 5 ай бұрын

He has so, so many.....but the one that got me......."no matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."

@kellyjohnson3617 5 ай бұрын

Steven wright is a national treasure. Never been and doubtful there ever will be a comic genius like him. His deadpan delivery I’ve never seen with the possible exception of buster keaton. But buster keaton didn’t use words. Steven wright uses sets ups, deadpan delivery AND words. Just a plain old funny guy

@Sharonmxg 5 ай бұрын

I have been laughing at Steven Wright's one-liners nearly my whole life. I was in high school when he hit the scene. I honestly did not know he was still around. No new stand-up for quite a while. But the dude has a brain that makes me laugh all. the. time. I guess I will be purchasing the audio book.!

@donmoore7785 5 ай бұрын

Hearing him deliver the text would be a must-have.

@jamesmcinnis208 4 ай бұрын

"honestly"

@carolinematusevich889 5 ай бұрын

"We have cars that park on driveways, and cars that drive on parkways."

@MemoryGray 5 ай бұрын

“The present is a past factory.” 👍🤣✌️

@worthless_opinion 5 ай бұрын

Flew right over the audience's head.

@MemoryGray 5 ай бұрын

@@worthless_opinionIt sold at least one copy of the book. 👍📖🤣

@ammaleslie509 5 ай бұрын

That may be the most thought provoking SW joke I have ever heard and that is really saying something

@hahamasala 5 ай бұрын

My quote is "history keeps getting longer."

@donc4563 5 ай бұрын

Awesome to see comedy legend Steven Wright on Late Night! That voice and unique style, there’s no comparison. I still remember his one liners I heard in the 80s/90s. His jokes are timeless (or as Steven says “the present is a past factory” 😂)

@staceydowns8682 5 ай бұрын

He's brilliant. Hasn't lost his magic.

@jayneneewing2369 5 ай бұрын

Love, just love Steven Wright. A fan for decades.

@markberryhill2715 5 ай бұрын

I didn't know he was still alive. Turns out,he didn't either.

@tobyspeeks3793 5 ай бұрын

"This was George Washington's axe. Of course I had to replace the handle... and the blade."

@nomadicroadrat 5 ай бұрын

3 points this viewer would like to make 1. Please have Steven Wright on more often. 2. Have The Questionnaire ready. 3. Nominate him for the Mark Twain award. (Not necessarily in any order, but make it happen) "Jesus loves you cause he doesn't know you" oh yeah, the cosmos aligned with that one line. Definitely a keeper.

@corysekine-pettite1783 5 ай бұрын

Life-long fan of Steven. He's a comedian's comedian. I just love the way his mind works.

@TheOldHippiebilly 5 ай бұрын

"I think coffee is one of the best things about being alive." -- Wise words. Steven Wright has always been one of my favorite people-- truly a comic genius! ❤❤❤

@pizzaishappiness7994 5 ай бұрын

Two Stevens do make a Wright. 😂

@PeeWeeWee 5 ай бұрын

I'm from the Netherlands, never heard from Steven Wright but surely I'm going to look for more content. His one liners are gold!

@cherylwoodward 5 ай бұрын

This started off a bit awkward as though Stephen with a “ph” was too in awe of Steven with a “v.” When Stephen first made Steven laugh, it turned, and an effortless conversation ensued. What a delightful interview between two of our finest comedians.

@bobxyzp 5 ай бұрын

I’m more impressed by Wright being able to memorize so many one liners for a set than by comedians who tell long rambling stories

@hahamasala 5 ай бұрын

I have the same issue because my sets are full of 2-4 liners. I know the jokes but the order of the set list is hard to remember. He inspired my comedy.

@RO8YO 5 ай бұрын

😂 All the pregnant pauses in his stand up routines were because he was trying to remember jokes.

@lsaideOK 5 ай бұрын

You're impressed by how constantly you're laughing during the entire set. You don't have to wait long if at all for another incredible line.

@UberLummox 5 ай бұрын

One of THEE best ever.

@richardelliott8352 5 ай бұрын

@@RO8YO It could be, since he preforms live, he has learned to pause for the laughter, just like the Marx brothers, who were the first to wait for laughs in their movies. having learned to pause during resultant laughter so the audience doesn't miss anything.

@deletist_ 5 ай бұрын

"i lost a buttonhole."

@TheUluxian 5 ай бұрын

"I woke up this morning and my girlfriend asked me if I slept good.".. "I said, "No, I made a few mistakes." "I used to take morning strolls on the ledge of my 15th story apartment.. "I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of widths." Always wondered why he just kind of disappeared.

@EchoesDistant 5 ай бұрын

He was one of the best guests to appear on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. He might be the most purest joke teller to ever do stand-up comedy.

@jeffmccloud905 4 ай бұрын

very true. he really enjoyed Craig. I've never seen Steven laugh that much

@oznoz 5 ай бұрын

Best eight minutes of my year so far. Stephen gets Steven to really laugh twice, which is great, and Steven gets Stephen to laugh harder than I've seen for a loooong time. Gonna have to read that book now.