I’m currently going through the same exact thing!!! I’m going soon to get all sorts of cancers checked out, my heart everything. Same as you I’m absolutely terrified at what might come back. Like you said when I’m wrapped up in my addiction I don’t even think twice about my health which makes 0 sense!!!! I wish you nothing but the best of luck when you go 🙏🖤, keep us updated!!!

we all go through it / we all need support and each other whether through family, friends, venues like this what have you, we cannot do it alone, the older we get the worse our emotions and feelings can be what if it's this or what if it's this a simple cough , not feeling good day, a pain , it all can delve us into unnecessary worriedness, concern is one thing, yes we need to be concerned but not to the point we are obsessive about it, easy to say but we all do it...

this video was JAM PACKED! dang, Thanks Anna! well... sounds like you are doing all the right things to deal with your apprehension around an unknown health circumstance. so you know... keep that up! Here's the good news: death comes for us all. I don't mean for that to be fatalistic but rather as an encouragement to continue living a life with more kindness, more patience and grace, and less suffering. since you're becoming more accepting of your own knowledge of what you refer to as faith I would offer up a couple of unique practices that Buddhists have that are specific non-generic mindfulness focal points: Contemplation of Death (Marana-sati), and Reflection on Impermanence (Anicca). and heck... even Practicing Loving-Kindness (Metta). pretty interesting to me that a faith that is like 2500 years old has built in practices for dealing with the knowable and unknowable truths of our own finite mortality and then has guidance on what we can do with it to calm our hearts and enrich the world around us. Someday maybe I'll find the clarity to inhabit these practices but in the mean time I thought I would mention them in case they can do someone else some good before they do me. ;-)

Hope you are feeling better. A health scare is what it took me to finally sober up after 34 years of drinking. You are young and strong. You are going to be fine.

Don't trip on your health, it's all genetics at the end of the day. Everyone has their number. Some get called earlier than others. I used to be a hypochondriac. It's a good sign you are starting to care about your health. I had a stroke at 35 followed by heart surgery to fix a congenital heart defect that they suspected caused it. I was a coke/opiate addict. Had just gone on a coke bender 8 days prior. That was a Godshot. He was telling me to slow the fuck down. Still don't know to this day how much the coke contributed, got mixed feedback from Drs, but I don't doubt it played a role. Fortunately I didn't have any residual deficits and it was all verbal in presentation, but to be faced with your mortality and a 3 day hospital stay really makes you understand what's important. And I can tell you future tripping isn't one of them. Everything will fall into its right place in due time if you are making steps slowly in the right direction. Keeping the Faith is the best thing you can do. All will be revealed to you at some point. Take it easy on yourself

Just on a side note I think you would enjoy Peter Santenello's channel - he travels all over in real life situations, my point being it can give us a good perspective sometime looking through the lens of someone else's day to day life or problems/ struggles, and I am not trying to promote him other than the fact I think you would enjoy him. Soft white underbelly is a good channel as well but darker interviews not very uplifting on some notes. also Nikki Delventhal channel traveling.....

Sending you some love

I've always drown or numb my emotions away. This has masked and prevented me from dealing with the issue. Luckily, there have been intelligent role models to help me learn to control my emotions. As you say, sharing awareness is helpful because we all have needed help and support from others to make life more meaningful and enjoyable, without resorting to antisocial behaviours. So we can address our sometimes complex needs with 100% attention.

I cry in sobriety all the Time too but i am very guarded emotionally because some pain is just too personal and want privacy , so be crying and people are like "Whats wrong" and I'm speechless and cant articulate Whats wrong and i dont want to anyway so my partner is putting Up with my depressive stupors and its going great

I struggle a lot taking care of myself as well. It's so much effort to deal with all the healthcare stuff. I just had shingles and didn't even bother going to the doctor because I didn't have time and it didn't seem worth it. It's hard to do every single thing for yourself. Just try to do each thing one step at a time. Right now I'm trying to work up the effort to just shower and shave before I have to get on the camera and pretend I feel good.

Start looking into mushrooms. Turkey tail, lion's mane, psybicilin low dose. Nature's oldest teacher is the key.