Its really interesting listening to your experience

Wow, good stuff Anna! I am back being sober after a 4.5 year bender that almost took me out. . I had 7 years in the states before moving down here to the Caribbean so this isn't my first rodeo. Early sobriety is weird for sure. It's like literally learning how to be a human being again. The whole having no friends thing or having nothing to do is what has derailed me in the past. But this time around I've realized that those people aren't my friends. Not a single one of my old drinking and drugging buddies has even so much as texted me to make sure I'm ok or still alive since I've basically ghosted. You know who has? Everyone I know in recovery and the friends I've made since getting sober. I'll have, God willing, 3 months sober tomorrow, and already my life is even better than it was before I relapsed. Thanks for making these videos, they really do help and if you have some free time, please check out my channel for my story of alcoholism/ addiction and recovery. ODAAT!

Rock-bottoms will not look the same for each of us. What matters is that we recognize them. I drank to take the " EDGE OFF" for 34years. As a younger man to get up the courage to talk to girls in college. Then later in life to decompress from a long day at work. Eventually I got to a point where I told my mind and body, I DON'T CARE I AM GOING A WHOLE YEAR!

Man I was dying for a fat rock yesterday, all day, I'm 6 weeks sober and I'll still just ache like a mf-er, annoying that the psych cravings can be almost as bad as being in acute withdrawal, esp when combined with fatigue, emotions, aches and pains, having that past memory/cognitive behavioral, association w instant pain relief, is a mf danger zone Like urge 2 use is overpowering only control addicts have is over people, places and things that limit opportunity, my sober life is set up in such a way that I would be going out of my way to use and it would take extraordinary effort, on my part that would be cringe and remarkable as an endeavor. it's helpful watching AML sometimes esoecially the interviews where the addicts break down over their abandoned children etc like it is and always will be a choice between a buzz or family end of day don't want to be a member of the bastard active add*ct club Being physically restrained, by my sober bf, relocated and don't know anyone and don't have a car, is the best thing, sadly don't even fully trust myself and only the biggest part of me wants sobriety, there's still that 1/4 to 1/3 of me that wants a shitty buzz that doesn't want to die or be forgotten after it dies fucksake Usually just have to take a day to rest when desire to use gets bad, fatigue is a big trigger so just surrendering to being tired and feeling like crap, crying it out etc in the first place is for the best, knowing that's going to be the outcome anyway, it's stupid to try and escape from bad feelings which happen all the time on a continuous daily basis lmao Facts and honesty spoiler alert, sober life isn't great but knowing that the psych craves are at least in part fantasy and delusion, bc I may not enjoy the buzz as much as I imagine esp w personal costs being so high that makes it less enjoyable and more of a paranoid schizo buzz Lmao

This was a heavy video. Being sober is better. I have a lot of analysis to say on this video but I don't wanna sperg out in the comments section lol. You're doing well Anna!

2 fuchsia month's

Hi Anna. Hell, my last relationship was with a woman I met after an A.A. meeting. Of course, it crashed and burned. We don't speak at all now. It was just *snap gonzo.

Anna this is my favorite vlog so far! The first 6months is physical/emotional. The second 6months is mental/spiritual. YOU ARE DOING GREAT! The more sobriety sucks the first year the better it works. ps... I am allergic to dogs who shed (pit-bull dad) but I like Carl's attitude.

Just on a side note I think you would enjoy Peter Santenello's channel - he travels all over in real life situations, my point being it can give us a good perspective sometime looking through the lens of someone else's day to day life or problems/ struggles, and I am not trying to promote him other than the fact I think you would enjoy him. Soft white underbelly is a good channel as well but darker interviews not very uplifting on some notes. also Nikki Delventhal channel traveling.....

we all go through it / we all need support and each other whether through family, friends, venues like this what have you, we cannot do it alone, the older we get the worse our emotions and feelings can be what if it's this or what if it's this a simple cough , not feeling good day, a pain , it all can delve us into unnecessary worriedness, concern is one thing, yes we need to be concerned but not to the point we are obsessive about it, easy to say but we all do it...

awesome / keep going you got this

I’m so glad i found your channel… I moved away from portalnd 15yrs ago when i met my nos husband. After years of therapy and becoming a mom i became sober from alcohol for almost 9yrs and from pain meds for 3.5yrs… i also do not have girl friends due to severe trauma from middle/high school…. You are my kind of person and im so glad to have found your channel. Xoxo

Don't get wrapped up in the med field now. They aren't the source of truth. No matter what they tell you, you may have. Take the matter into your own hands.

Day 300 was the turning point for me. Once you I got there, I knew I was going a whole year.

"i spent time with people who hated me a little less than i hated myself" well put, i get it, ugh.

Yeah, the trap house/party life was more social and was There for me like a pseudo 'family' (really more like a cult) after my only remaining family member died. Like its understandable to me having sought out bad company, There is no Honor among Thieves and relationships having no value beyond superficial conversations, but each member of the cr@ck cult respectively did their big reveals and showed me what kind of contempt they had in their rotten hearts. That shit can really cause a Heart to rot and turn Stone cold Like im not made for the streets and neither are you, the streets is a cult, how is it not

Fellas this is the woman swiping left on you then precede to tell you you’re worthless while dating this man. It’s not worth it fellas

Spending time with yourself is great advice. I'm 56. Still working on that.

Yup. Drugs are great until they aren't. I could say that drugs are terrible but I did acid when I was younger and it changed how I think about things it was that impactful, and I mean in a positive and creative way. You could say I was changed for the better. There is a context to everything. Anyway, glad you are in a better place Anna. Regarding other drugs I lost all my friends either to paranoia or suicide.

Hope you are feeling better. A health scare is what it took me to finally sober up after 34 years of drinking. You are young and strong. You are going to be fine.

I spent my 1st year getting sober watching Kevin O'hara and Kensington Ave Philadelphia. One motivates you to keep fighting. The other reminds you where you could end up if you give up.

This is like the gal with no plan

I've always drown or numb my emotions away. This has masked and prevented me from dealing with the issue. Luckily, there have been intelligent role models to help me learn to control my emotions. As you say, sharing awareness is helpful because we all have needed help and support from others to make life more meaningful and enjoyable, without resorting to antisocial behaviours. So we can address our sometimes complex needs with 100% attention.

I’m currently going through the same exact thing!!! I’m going soon to get all sorts of cancers checked out, my heart everything. Same as you I’m absolutely terrified at what might come back. Like you said when I’m wrapped up in my addiction I don’t even think twice about my health which makes 0 sense!!!! I wish you nothing but the best of luck when you go 🙏🖤, keep us updated!!!

The chase…it manipulates the brain chemicals when we “win” a “prize”, but in reality you want someone who CHOOSES you, not makes you wonder. Also as an older woman looking back, value a nice guy, consistent and even a bit “boring” and DO NOT sleep with them until they are committed. PERIOD.

I struggle a lot taking care of myself as well. It's so much effort to deal with all the healthcare stuff. I just had shingles and didn't even bother going to the doctor because I didn't have time and it didn't seem worth it. It's hard to do every single thing for yourself. Just try to do each thing one step at a time. Right now I'm trying to work up the effort to just shower and shave before I have to get on the camera and pretend I feel good.

You look healthier than a horse you should be fine Look into chinese medicine tumors are phlegm in tcm

I cry in sobriety all the Time too but i am very guarded emotionally because some pain is just too personal and want privacy , so be crying and people are like "Whats wrong" and I'm speechless and cant articulate Whats wrong and i dont want to anyway so my partner is putting Up with my depressive stupors and its going great

Start looking into mushrooms. Turkey tail, lion's mane, psybicilin low dose. Nature's oldest teacher is the key.

this video was JAM PACKED! dang, Thanks Anna! well... sounds like you are doing all the right things to deal with your apprehension around an unknown health circumstance. so you know... keep that up! Here's the good news: death comes for us all. I don't mean for that to be fatalistic but rather as an encouragement to continue living a life with more kindness, more patience and grace, and less suffering. since you're becoming more accepting of your own knowledge of what you refer to as faith I would offer up a couple of unique practices that Buddhists have that are specific non-generic mindfulness focal points: Contemplation of Death (Marana-sati), and Reflection on Impermanence (Anicca). and heck... even Practicing Loving-Kindness (Metta). pretty interesting to me that a faith that is like 2500 years old has built in practices for dealing with the knowable and unknowable truths of our own finite mortality and then has guidance on what we can do with it to calm our hearts and enrich the world around us. Someday maybe I'll find the clarity to inhabit these practices but in the mean time I thought I would mention them in case they can do someone else some good before they do me. ;-)

Don't trip on your health, it's all genetics at the end of the day. Everyone has their number. Some get called earlier than others. I used to be a hypochondriac. It's a good sign you are starting to care about your health. I had a stroke at 35 followed by heart surgery to fix a congenital heart defect that they suspected caused it. I was a coke/opiate addict. Had just gone on a coke bender 8 days prior. That was a Godshot. He was telling me to slow the fuck down. Still don't know to this day how much the coke contributed, got mixed feedback from Drs, but I don't doubt it played a role. Fortunately I didn't have any residual deficits and it was all verbal in presentation, but to be faced with your mortality and a 3 day hospital stay really makes you understand what's important. And I can tell you future tripping isn't one of them. Everything will fall into its right place in due time if you are making steps slowly in the right direction. Keeping the Faith is the best thing you can do. All will be revealed to you at some point. Take it easy on yourself

Sending you some love <3

I thought I was a nice guy until I did my sex inventory lol. I manipulated chicks and didn't always clarify that I only wanted casual relationships. It was through doing the steps that I realized I was a fuck boy. Life is so much more peaceful not feeling like I am using someone. I have a conscious and that shit would take me out every time

Theres a reason why drug addicts exist, its because that high/Rush feels so good, and also that insane Manic Euphoria doesn't exist or Ever happen otherwise in real life. There is a definite Costs benefits assessment happening in an addicts head at all times. When you make that Choice to relapse, at that point you're willing to deal with the withdrawal and negative consequences in advance of and in anticipation of the high, and the devil always fronts and prepays on that first high regardless of the payback Being a bitch. And thats the shitty/scary part in recovery, is dealing with all of the mundane, daily arches and pains of normal life, not expecting or looking forward to any analgesic or euphoric reprieve from the life train making no stops. The pains and lows of drug abuse are no doubt worse than the pains of sober life, doesn't compare either, but Theres more or less continual pain and malaise in both addiction and in sober life too. Except in sobriety There is no pain avoidance, so no break from that, or Pleasure seeking bc the sober Pleasures dont compare and aren't as compelling, Ice Cream cone can Never be a cr@ck rock and bowling w family Will Never be as fun as conversing w a Bunch of euphoric idiots (myself included). I Mean that is sick but IT is what IT is But choosing to Forego the party to be present with m'y family in all of the lower back acheing daily Grind is a reward on a much Deeper and profound spiritual Level that Also in its own right and league doesn't compare to addiction. Sober life is rich in love, care and concern, and careful management of Gods resource of life itself Sobriety a sacrifice of love and how fucking Much our familles love and need us is the only cure Am still in the middle of a drawn out prolonged post acute withdrawal phase and, still find myself occasionally jealous of the homeless bum in the Alley whose life completely sucks, but they still get to feel euphoric for maybe a couple or few hours a Day regardless of what that looks like to the outside world Who has no experience w Its ex

Karl should be the first service dog trained to sniff out fuckboys (of any gender). Bring him on dates and if he signals, uh oh your friend is having an emergency and you gotta run bye!

Yeah I learned what this type of guy is about in my 20's, had a guy intorduce me to his mother lmfao and then rip me off for $300. In the past year moved on quickly from a couple guys that showed me they didn't value me. At one point accepted that I had goofed all relatioships it's over, etc really prayed for aceeptance of celibacy if God didn't have a husband for me, me a sinner, I don't deserve one and don't expect one anywaymindset. But God had a spouse for me in mind which coincided w me sobering up, sobering me up boo and now that's my reason for sobriety is maintaining relationships and w family. Like reality check active addicts are selfish losers that don't do acts of love or service in relation to what is needed, to maintain relationships the need is high and expectations are high of everyone in good families every member is present and accountable... conversely everything addicts do is for a high that can't be maintained annyway womp womp parties over and kys levels of depression, shitty hangover and they are isolated and alone , let's not be a part of the isolated loser club Kay

The coughs :) respect that you can admit that you’ve been drawn to these types even though they’re not good for you

fuckboy or narcissist? Mid 30's you are too old to be a fuckboy or fall for a fuckboy lol. See them for what they are and blast past

I don't have any problem with fuckboys, but i like your videos, they are so Charming!

Good to see and hear awesome ❤🙏

I have never done cocaine or Ketamine - it is not my DOC. I think I mentioned that I don't like stimulants. That is why I stay away from the street. Yes, Fentanyl is in everything. Please stay sober.

I'm also a HUGE fan of bikes. one big turning point for me was one day going to meet a friend for a bike ride at 7am, still obviously drunk from the night (let's face it DAYS) before but for some reason I thought it was a good idea. Failed to navigate a corner and completely threw my face into the asphalt head over handlebars. I'm thought I was on the ground for a minute when I noticed my phone was ringing. got to my knees and answered it and it was my friend wondering where I was. I laid it out flat and told them I crashed and where I was and they just said "don't fucking move, I'm on my way." I picked up my bike and started walking anyway. they caught up in their truck pulled over in front of me and just said... "get in". no judgement, didn't give me a hard time, didn't tell me what a piece of shit I was, just scraped me off the ground and took me home and made sure I got inside. I mean, I was barely able to function from being drunk in the first place but now I was bloodied, scraped all over my face, pants shredded, and bruised in more places than I even knew. Later looked at my phone and saw that they had been trying to message/call me for like 12 minutes. I had just been laying in the middle of an intersection for 12 minutes. I live in a rural town and it was a sunday at 7 so I lucked out there. fast forward to 2024 and I have talked/texted that friend every single day since then with very very few exceptions. That was over 5 years ago. the road was long, there were certainly bumps along the way, but without a bicycle and a friend like that I would have landed in a landfill a long time ago. They were an absolute lifeline that I didn't even know that I needed. You can never repay a friend like that of course except by changing your mind. While I never want to see someone suffer the way that I did during that time I know how important the simple acts of availability were to me and my recovery and I will be there every single day for someone else now that I know how. so ehhhh yeah. I like bikes. and I like your videos. thanks for posting. =)

i never did ketamine but i once rode a bike for like 100 meters on DXM and it was incredibly harrowing lol

is your elliott tattoo for elliott smith ? he's one of my favourites. i wanna sober hang with you !

this video is excellent ! amazing message and the delivery is everything, you're articulating things that a lot of people don't consider.

Question, Do you think addicts have a high or low pain tolerance, as both active addiction and sobriety are high pain experiences for drug addicts

Im not in active addiction and i have many compelling Reasons for maintaining sobriety and i am successfully doing so today, all Day

Yeah I'm a 'dry drunk' crackhead, I'm staying sober for my loved ones, and my loved ones are giving me a great home life that thankfully Makes staying sober pretty alright. Knowing it isnt worth doing Drugs to hurt my family is enough and Works for me, but doesn't remove the désire and i deal with IT daily too. Once you smoke coke especially the Euphoria is incomparable and Theres a big memory and reward association in your Brain that you have to subjugate and reason against continually. Like grieving that feeling and painstakingly rewiring your Brain Over months and years to overcome anhedonia and feel Pleasure Over normal things is really a lame thing to go through but its better than the alternative of losing family.... Like its that real.

Nice video. Stay sober.

We have the same sunglasses haha